Chat LIVE With DSO!

All right, this says we are live, so let's take a look-see here. All right, we are good to go. Hello everyone, welcome, welcome, welcome. There I is. Hello world, I am live. We are live, me and whoever wants to join me today, on Facebook, on Twitter, or X, and on YouTube. Welcome everyone. I do these randomly every now and then as time allows. If you are new to this, I just sit back and chat with you guys, answer questions, and we will wait here a little bit, see if anybody files in and joins us today. Pardon my silence. I'm refreshing, making sure all is good. Yeah, we're looking good, looking good. Have a couple of folks. If you could please, ladies and germs, uh, give me a like, share this, uh, whatever works for whatever platform you are viewing this on. Give me a like, say hello, let me know where you're viewing from so I know that you guys are alive out there. Give me a thumbs up. Give me something, folks. Don't leave me hanging. Welcome everyone. For those that do not know, my name is Ralph. Raffalito. I go by the fake internet name— there's a thumbs up, thank you— I go by the fake internet name of DSO, which stands for Dad Starting Over. You can learn more about me, my story, my business at dadstartingover.com. And I say business because I've written books and I sell books. I've created courses. I've created a members group for men only, private members group called the DSO Fraternity. You can learn more at dadstartingover.com or dsofraternity.com. And I wrote one book in particular years ago that got very popular. That's why most people know about me. And that book was called The Dead Bedroom Fix. And it was my post-divorce, after I went through a divorce, Post-Divorce Thoughts. It was years after the divorce. Thoughts on the world of sex, physical intimacy, and marriage. And how I think as a dude who's been there, done that, and has experienced a positive relationship after the fact, and after talking to so many men, what I think about the world of marriage and sex. And that book got pretty popular. Got a lot of eyeballs on my website. Which in turn resulted in the creation of the DSO Fraternity, because I realized we need a group that's just for men so men can talk, men can meet online live. We have live Zoom meetings, we record all the meetings, we got over 600 hours of meetings recorded that our members can listen to. We have a DSO Fraternity podcast, we have a very, very popular private discussion forum on Facebook. Don't worry, nobody in the world can see that you're a member of it, nobody can see what you write in it. And we also have for our lifetime members a special Discord server if you're a fan of Discord. Got you covered. Uh, what else? Uh, all the books that I've written, uh, they're available for free to our members, PDF format as well as the audiobook format. Um, oh, and we get together in person. Um, we have met in Austin, Texas. We have met in Nash— uh, Nashville, Tennessee, Las Vegas, Nevada. We are meeting here in April in New Orleans, Louisiana. Um, our members in Australia have met twice, Melbourne and Brisbane, I believe. And we've had a few of our guys in Europe get together in Amsterdam. So we are all over the place, folks. And Honey says, good morning from Cali. Well, good morning, Honey. Honey's a regular. Thank you so much for joining us today, Miss Honey. Greatly appreciate it. Love the name. Anybody else? Where's everybody else from today? We, uh, let me, uh Looks like we got a handful of us on the call today. If you guys could give me a thumbs up, share this so everyone else in the world can see that we are live now. Usually takes a little bit for people to file in, and once we do, we get a pretty good thing going here. As you may or may not know, all I do is take questions on this thing, so please feel free to ask away, whatever it may be. It may be something's going on in your world or something that you have seen me chat about. Live— not live, see me chat about in my videos, uh, wherever you may be watching this. Let me move this over so it looks like I am talking to the camera a little bit here. I'm trying to arrange all my windows here. All right, I think we're good. I am going to put in the comments something here. Copy. And this is for men only. Sorry, honey. Feels weird saying, "Sorry, honey." This is a link, you guys will see this, YouTube, Facebook, wherever you're watching this, to try out our DSO fraternity, the private group for men only, to try it out for free for a month. Dario says, "Evening from Eastern Europe." Well, welcome. That is quite the name you got there, Dario Krunoslav Podrovich. Did I pronounce that correctly? Krunoslav Porović. Boy, that sounds Eastern European. Welcome. I've probably never been to your neck of the woods, as we say in the US. I've been throughout Europe. I've been to Canada, all over the US. Never been to Asia. How about that? Gotta do that one day. Wife wants to go see Japan, and she's very big into the the Japanese. So one day we will go there. And my wife is from Germany, but we have not ventured over to the eastern part of Europe. And my family, for those that don't know, is from Spain. España, my mother is. All right, yeah, I did pronounce it correctly. Excellent. Dario Krunoslav Párovic, welcome, welcome. Anybody else? Where's everybody else from? Hello everyone. We have a small house. Small house, is that right? Not many people in the house today. Small groups, what I'm trying to say. Usually got more than this. So make a note, Ralphie, 12 or 11 o'clock on a Thursday, maybe not the best time in the world. Uh, anybody have any questions? Honey, anyone? Dario, anything at all? Uh, I've been covering a lot on the videos here lately, been all over the place. We've had, uh, you guys don't know this because you're not members, but we've had some good discussions in the DSO fraternity. We had a big discussion all about hormone replacement therapy the other day. We had a discussion about one of our members was in his 70s and still has a raging libido, and wife years ago said, "Dude, get away from me." Tough spot to be in. He's not giving up on life, but wife has, as far as life, I say. To us men, that's life, right? But his wife said, "Yeah, that's not a part of her world anymore." Oh boy, frustrating, frustrating. So it could be a topic of discussion. Honey says she would love to visit Japan someday too. So how soon is too soon to move on after divorce? Well, Honey, what do you mean by move on? I assume you mean get into a relationship with somebody else. Is that what we're talking about here? So flesh that out a little bit more, as I often say. What do you mean by moving on? How soon is too soon? Well, sticking with entering a relationship with a new human being, I always say, and I get a lot of pushback from people on this, give it a year before you say I'm looking for Mr. or Miss Right, meaning I'm trying to enter into a one-on-one relationship with somebody. I even go as far as to say give it a year before even dating, period. Hear me out, because a lot of the guys that I talk to, um, very anxious in nature, have relatively little relationship experience prior to wife. They are still very much in husband mode. They're still very much in long-term relationship mode, and they are in such a mindset that, um, basically the first woman that smiles at them, he's fallen in love. He's ready to move her in. He's ready to hand over his paycheck. You know, those kind of guys. Relatively common. So when I get this blanket advice to, hey, give it a year, I'm really thinking about those men. And, um, but in honesty, let's think about it. Maybe you are the kind of guy who can have casual relationships with women and you don't necessarily catch feelings, as they say, and you're able to navigate that and keep people at arm's length and so forth. Is that really necessarily a healthy thing? Is that fair to those people that you're, you engaging in these relationships with? Are you, um, playing with fire? Um, is there some benefit to actually just taking time away from romantic relationships and directing your energy elsewhere? If you find that, no, no, I need that, um, interconnectedness in that relationship with other people, or else I'm going to go crazy, might be pointing to some not so good things going on. Um, Honey says, it's been 2 years. I don't want to do anything quickly or wrong. I do have kids. I, you know, You're— honey, you are the ultimate judge of this. Um, 2 years, good amount of time, right? And you got kiddos, I understand, so you don't want to introduce kiddos to some, some crazies and all that fun stuff. But, um, it's been 2 years, so what have you done in those 2 years is my question, honey. Um, zero dating, zero anything, no, no nothing. Have you been a— pardon me for, you know, being crass here— have you been a celibate woman basically for 2 years is what you're saying? You're a human being, you have needs, and whether it's emotional, physical, or otherwise. But if you— you know yourself better than anybody. So if you're telling yourself, honey, no, I know me, and even though I have those very real emotional, physical needs, if I cross that bridge, so to speak, it's— there's no coming back, and it's going to be all downhill for me as my past has shown. I need to go through therapy and work on myself and so forth. Well, then great, you know yourself better than anybody. Body. But if you're just kind of sitting twiddling your thumbs at home and, you know, feeling sorry for yourself and stuff, maybe it's time to get out there and meet some people. Who knows? You know, and some people, um, uh, construe— I don't know if that's the right word— they think socializing, getting out and talking to other people, um, is only done under the blanket of romantic relationship. In other words, a lot of people completely negate the idea of just going out and meeting people. Socializing. Meetup.com, for example. If you have some kind of interest, look for it on meetup.com, find a group that is interested in that. Let's say hiking or something. Sure enough, you're gonna find, oh, there's groups that get together and go hiking every Saturday at 8 o'clock in the morning and blah blah. You go join them. Hey, I'm Honey, whatever. New to the group. There's no romance, there's no, you know, something may happen as a result of, cool, but that's not the intended purpose here, right? A lot of people completely neglect that, especially parents, adults, because we just get so caught up in the day-to-day kid stuff and the adulting stuff. And who has time for friends and socializing and having fun? But well, you need to make time for that in some way. Um, and I— that, that's really lacking in my life. You know, I have 4 kiddos I live in two different places. It's, it's, my life's relatively complicated and this keeps me, this world, this business keeps me extremely busy. So it's very tough to shoehorn just, you know, guy time in there. Voilà, the DSO Fraternity, our private group for men only. Made some good friends there. DSOFraternity.com, DadStartingOver.com. If you're a dude, check it out. I put in the comments here one month free. You can try it out. If you don't like it, cancel. Not gonna charge you. No big deal, um, not trying to steal your money. Um, Dario says, I would love to get a second opinion from you on some things, but it just won't fit. It won't fit all. I'm curious about in one comment. So you're trying to say, dude, your issue is a little bit too complex to put in a comment here? Break it up, let's hear it. Don't tease us, Dario. What you got? Um, And then Honey says, I have just recently started social media again. So you've been completely off of social media for a couple years? All right. And I'm working a lot and meet people out in the world as I go out. I mostly take care of the kiddos. Are you sharing custody, Honey, with, um, the, the, the father of the kiddos? Does that give you— if so, does that not give you time alone to go be Honey the adult, the non-mom stuff. If you don't have shared custody, that's tough. Yeah, I am blessed, I guess you could say, to have 50/50 custody, which affords me time. But I have had a new child with my second wife, but we have child care available to us, so we're able— like tonight we're going on a date night, and we're also going on Saturday as well. So 2 date nights usually per week is our thing. Hmm, Dario says, here's one: pride and ego as obstacles in a relationship. Keep going, flesh that out. What are you talking about? I mean, that's like a big blanket statement here. Pride and ego as obstacles in a relationship. Okay, can you help us out a little bit more? Give us some examples. You know, type away. You're not going to hurt our feelings if you put a whole bunch in there. This is for you guys, your questions. And, uh, You, you have me captive here. Take advantage of it, right? Not that I'm some kind of all-knowing, all-wise bald individual, but, um, maybe I've said some things, videos, content and stuff you want to kind of talk more about. That's why I'm here, folks. Thank you so much. And if you could, if you're watching this, give it a like please so more people can see this. Honey says, I have full custody. I try once in a while to go out and I am talking to someone. I just don't want to be moving quickly. For my kids. Well, then don't. You know, it's funny when I talk often to people, they almost talk about themselves in the relationship realm almost as a third party. I just, I want to, I just want to take things slowly. Then take things slowly. Be very overt and very, you know, flex your boundaries. So if you're chatting with some dude and you guys are getting along and you're flirting over messages or whatever, and you're talking about dating, why not tell this man, just so you know, I'm taking things slow. I'm 2 years out of a divorce. It didn't go too well. I have my kiddos full-time, so my time is somewhat limited. So I'm just kind of feeling things out. Hope you understand. I'm not looking for anything serious right off the bat. I'm taking my time. Anybody who has a good head on their shoulders will say, good for you. Cool. You wanna have coffee 2 Thursdays from now? No? All right, no biggie. One thing though, honey, you'll have to understand, and this is somewhat tough for some people, I'm not saying this is you, especially in today's day and age, if you are, you know, make-believe scenario, chatting with some guy flirting, you're gonna meet him here, you know, a couple weeks from now, you have to be cool with the notion that he's probably between now and your date 2 weeks from now seeing other people, and he may be having physical relations with other people, other women. Are you cool with that? If not, good luck. This, you know, in today's day and age, dating the way it is, it's pretty common. It's especially if they're a decent looking person with some charm. It's like shooting fish in a barrel with the online dating and everything else these days. You know, you just go on there and say, hey, here I am, and 2 days later you're having sex with somebody. That is not unusual, uh, for those that are relatively new to the dating scene post-divorce. It's a whole new world. It's very interesting. Um, so it's a tough spot to be in. Full custody, you get out once in a while, um, trying to keep things slow, not jump in anything. Totally get it. Dario, in response to his— or as a follow-up to his first message. His first message was pride and ego as obstacles in relationship, and he follows up with, yeah, it's big and generic, but those stuff I saw and felt being used as weapons of control or power play, uh, not about setting boundaries. How to work with someone who won't give up on pride, spite included, as extra sauce. Maybe a little bit of a language barrier here, but I think I get what you're saying here. Well, um, how to work with someone. Okay, Dario, big question here. You're talking about somebody who is what, not centered? Is that the proper term here? Not grounded? Very difficult person to work with, ego and all this ego and pride and all this other stuff. How to work with, meaning what, work literally, like job work? Relationship work, meaning romantic relationship? Are you intertwined romantically with somebody who has issues with pride and ego and they won't budge? Is that what you're telling us? Again, continue to kind of flesh this out for us. Pretend, Dario, we have no idea what in the world you're talking about, because we don't. That's, um, for some of you, understand that you're, you know, pretend you're talking to 12-year-olds who have never met you before. We have no idea what in the world you're talking about. Um, We're not in your situation, so you got to really kind of be very specific and, and really dumb it down for us. What I'm saying, that goes for not just Dario but anyone in the comments. I can't tell you how many of these I've done and people just throw out some statement and I'm just like, I have zero idea what you're talking about. And sometimes it's in reference to a message that was like 29 messages ago. It's very difficult to keep up sometimes with these. We're not doing too bad today, not very many people on this today. We usually have a good 3 times as many. Um, Hmm. Um, Honey says, I have told him— this is your prospective boyfriend— that you have kids and you're taking things slow. He is very respectful of my family and moving slow. Well, good. I hate to admit I am very naive about adult dating. I married very young. So, uh, Honey, how serious are you and this dude? Just talking, texting? Have you even met in person yet? Taking things slow. If he in fact told you, we haven't seen each other yet, or it's a long time in between us being able to see each other, I am in fact seeing other people, you cool with that? If not, maybe you should let him know. Eh, it's not really my style. But in all honesty, honey, if that's not your style, good luck. Because like I say, that's a, you know, this casual dating, casual sex, whatever world is kind of the norm now. And, um, it really bothers some of your more conservative, dare I say, maybe naive, maybe inexperienced— probably is a better word— relationship inexperienced people when they kind of find this out about their prospective suitors and their, their prospective dating partners, whatever, that they're actually in relations with several other people at the same time. They're just really heartbroken. It's really tough for them. So understand that that's relatively common and understand that that may be in fact what he's doing or not. Don't know. Uh, any other questions, ladies and germs? Please keep them coming. Uh, 19 of us on here now. Welcome everyone. Please give me a like, please give this a share, and please post a question. Um, I've been posting literally Shoot, every month we're well over— we're in the hundreds-plus videos, little videos, long videos, whatever, um, per month. So some of you probably seen my big yapping bobbin bald head on here, and you've wanted to follow up with a question on something that you have seen me yap about. Now's the time to do so. Oh, Honey says you have met this guy in person. You've been going out, he's a local dude, and he has told you that you're the only one that he's talking to or with. Okay, cool. All right, Nick says— Nick from Facebook says, opposite sex friends within a married couple, do you find the younger generation is averse to putting up boundaries on that? Um, so, you know, boy, that's a difficult thing. Do I have quote-unquote friends of the opposite sex. Yeah. Are we super close, myself and a woman would hang out together outside of, you know, away from my wife? No. Um, that's my own personal boundary, I guess. And I would think that would be a little strange. Some people hear that and say, dude, that's very, uh, insecure of you. Um, That's a little out there. I have a lot of opposite sex friends. We have coffee, we have dinner, da da da, hang out, whatever. And it means absolutely zero romantically. Cool. Good for you. I get it. But please understand human nature being what it is, you're playing with fire a little bit. Presuming that fidelity and strict monogamy is important to you within a relationship. I have learned over the years that's a big assumption on my part. There's a lot of different flavors of monogamy and relationship out there. Some people are cool with getting some on the side. Some people have open relationships. This poly stuff, the swinging stuff, I think it's a lot more common than what people think. But anyway, let's presume that you are in a strict traditional monogamous relationship. If you have close opposite sex friends, yes, by my estimation, you're playing with fire a little bit. More than a little bit, because let's be honest here, I'm a single gal, or rather I'm a married gal or hitched in some way to somebody, and I got this other friend Bob over here that I hang out with quite a bit. I think if we were to poll that woman and say, hey, between you and me, do you think, uh, let me turn this off. "Between you and me, do you think Bob wants you on a physical level? Do you think he would?" She'd probably go, "Mm, maybe, I don't know, probably. He's a dude and I've gotten some vibes from him every now and then, but he knows I'm married or maybe he's married himself and we would never ever cross that line." Well, Just by acknowledging like, yeah, there's that tension there. He's a human, I'm a human. He's male, I'm female. I recognize Bob's an attractive dude. He recognizes I've caught him looking at me every now and then, but we have boundaries and we realize, well, even then, I mean, just talking it out, you recognize you're tiptoeing close to a line. And something I've learned over the years is, oh boy, is it easy to cross that line. Super, super easy. Thanks to these things here, all I gotta do is pick that up and go, "Hey, old friend from high school on Facebook, how are you? You're looking great." Way we go. It's affair time. Just like that. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter. What are some of the others? Snapchats and all this other stuff. It's almost as if these tools were I know this isn't the case, but they are so— they're such powerful tools for people to step outside of relationships and marriages. They provide all kinds of avenues for doing so. So we have that working against us strict monogamous people. Put on top of that, I hang out with opposite-sex friends. You're just asking for trouble. It's easier than ever to cross that line. Um, Justin said— Justin from YouTube says, socially awkward, no sex in 10+ years. Where does a person start? At the beginning, the very first thing you said there, socially awkward. How does one resolve that? What you are basically saying in different terms is social anxiety, being around a lot of people Talking with people one-on-one, especially people I really don't know at a really close level, fills me with anxiety, makes me awkward to be around. Don't know what to say. What are these people thinking about me? What if I say the wrong thing and everybody looks at me weird? Blah, blah, blah, blah. When it comes to, um, anxiety, especially social anxiety, any good therapist will tell you the same thing. The remedy is exposure is the word they use. You face your fear repeatedly, over and over and over and over, and eventually you get good at it. Me talking on this microphone to potentially thousands of people— sometimes some of my videos, um, I've had a handful that went quote-unquote viral and they hit the millions. Millions of people have seen my dumb face talking A short like 10, 15, 20 years ago, that was left solely to really big celebrity types on television. Broadcast television would reach millions of people. Now any doofus with a microphone and a camera who happens to say something that this person likes and this person likes and it quote goes viral can speak to millions and millions and millions of people. You would have presented that to me Same dude, 10 years ago, 12 years ago, I'm thinking around the time of pre-divorce, I would have been petrified. Are you kidding me? I can't go in front of millions of people. Who the hell am I to millions of people? Just the thought of it just filled me with anxiety. Thanks. But the only reason I'm able to do it now and appear to be just completely cool with it is that I've done it so many freaking times over and over and over and over again. And I can see my videos, I'm getting more comfortable. As I'm doing it. And it helps me with my one-on-one coaching sessions, that I'm able to be more comfortable and friendly and warm to people. And it has helped me outside of this world. I'm able just to go to any— just the other day I went out to eat, had to get up to go to use the restroom. As I'm walking, there is a dude in a red velvet jacket. He just— he had a fedora, he had the shoes that matched the jacket. The dude just had it going on. He had his own little cool style thing going on. He really stuck out. He didn't look goofy. He just really looked, uh, real dapper, right? So I just walked past this dude. I just go, I love the outfit. You look sharp, dude. And he's just like, thanks, man, I appreciate it. I was like, yeah. And I kept going about my way. Those little things— whoever I'm scrolling past here, Justin— that's what you need to work on. Those little touches where there's no, um, implied reciprocity. Is that the right term? You're not saying things to get something out of somebody. Hey dude, I really like your outfit, looking dapper. Hey, thanks, no problem. I'm gonna go take a leak. Um, hey, I love your car. What year is that Corvette? Uh, it's a 2023, blah blah blah. What kind of engine do they have in those now? What kind of horsepower do they have? Just talking, random person. You're not trying to get anything out of them. I like your car, what year is it, blah blah. Work on that first, and you do that again and again and again, and then eventually there goes social awkwardness. Keeping with this theme, um, we talk about the asshole, the jerk who seems to be really good with women, and then we in turn, our socially awkward, anxious types, look at that and go, women only like jerks. No, what you don't realize is jerk is super confident because Jerk has had drinks thrown in his face. He's been called fat, he's been called gross, he's been called stupid. Women have said, "Ew, no, get away from me, I have a boyfriend." And he's done it so many times, because he's probably personality-wise low in neuroticism, low in anxiety, that it doesn't mean anything, and he just goes up to any woman on the street and goes, "You're hot." He does it 127 times, eventually a woman goes, "Oh really? What's your name?" And we sit back and watch and go, oh, look at that, all the women like jerks. In that example, it's a numbers game. The guy's done it so many times, he doesn't give a shit. He just goes up to so many women while Mr. Anxious Guy goes up to one woman, gets shot down, and he just stops. Well, you can see who's going to have more, um, um, uh, success in the social game. The guy who just does it again and again and again. There's a lesson to be learned there. Now, No sex in 10+ years. Hey, I'm not going to shame anybody for doing this. There's something called the world's oldest profession. Can anybody guess what that is? Drum roll. Prostitution. Sex workers. Now, there's a big stigma about sex workers. They are victims. Um, if you use them, you're taking advantage. A lot of these people are trafficked and so forth. Well, newsflash, not all. Newsflash, this industry's been around forever and ever. As long as people have exchanged currency or goods for something, somebody has sold their body. You can go down that road, escorts. You don't necessarily have to do the deed. There are sex workers of all kinds of, you know, strippers. Hell, I even heard of there's people that will cuddle you for money. As sad as that is, you can pay someone to snuggle with you in bed. Nothing happens, just that flesh on flesh. Maybe something like that is where you begin, where you go to strip clubs and talk to them. Yeah, you're flushing out a lot of money. Yeah, there's a stigma behind it. It's looked at as a little sleazy and pathetic or whatever, but you got to start somewhere. And to throw yourself out in the dating scene and just cross your fingers and let's see how this goes, uh, that's gonna be tough. So 10+ years as an adult, social awkwardness. You, you got to start. I start with the beginning, just getting out, meeting people, going to bars, clubs, events. I— Honey, I talked to earlier, talking about going out like meetup.com. Join a group that goes hiking, join a group that does whatever may interest you, and just strike up conversations with people. And you do that again and again and again, men and women alike. And eventually you get to the point where you're a guy like me who really doesn't give a shit, and I will go up to the most beautiful woman in the room and just start chatting with her, and there's nothing I want out of the woman other than just enjoying her company for 10 minutes. That's the kind of stuff you need to do more of. That goes for any of us. Peter— and I've missed— I've been blabbing a lot. Justin, that was a very good question. Thank you so much, buddy. Appreciate it. And if you want to reach out to me or book time with me, you can do so. DadStartingOver.com/coaching, or join our DSO fraternity. Coaching is like half off And then you pay a few bucks a month and you get a whole bunch more in addition to the coaching. So check that out. Peter says— Peter from Facebook says, what do you say to the wife that ignores the husband? What's okay? It is her choice, but also ignores her 3 children. Well, that's not good. What have the children done wrong? What is with mother instincts? So you have a woman who is very, uh, super uber avoidant in nature. She's got something going on. She's not right up here. You don't ignore your husband and your kids. Something's going on with her. What do you say to the wife? You say, you need help. You're ignoring me and you're ignoring the kids. What's going on with you? Anything up with you? Something I, as your loving husband, can help you with? I refuse help. Nothing's wrong with me. Buzz off. Well, then this ain't gonna work. So we need to do something or else you and I are no more. And the kiddos will come with me because they certainly don't want to be with a person who has zero interest in them. Not good, dude. Don't just brush that under the rug. Dario from Facebook says, I used to be involved romantically. That ended in fire, to phrase it. Even though I am not going back, I'm still curious about the mentality and behavior. Parentheses: I understand work in a relationship with sacrifice comes above almost all, but for future reference in being a better man, partner, and all else, I want to know more and better. How can I do better with someone even though that person might turn out to be difficult? Difficulty always has a background. So in the end, how to deal with pride and ego that keeps backfiring on you? I learned to listen to my inner voice and leave toxicity and disrespect when it tells me to, but I'm interested in the psychology of it all. That was long, sorry, haha. I, you know, I don't— but I'm not sure what you're getting out here, Dario. You answered your own question. Um, when you enter into relationships with people and you're vulnerable and you're opening yourself up, you're opening yourself up to potential pain and being hurt. That's just Welcome to being a human being. Um, but you answered it yourself. With experience comes, um, the ability to sniff out when, uh-oh, this doesn't feel good to me. Let me investigate further. Oh yeah, I don't like this. This, this goes against my values. This crosses a boundary, whatever it may be. I'm out of here. Gotta be able to flex that muscle. You answered your own question. So, but you were talking about the psychology behind it, the psychology behind why a person may put their pride and their ego above their relationship and not be able to be vulnerable and open up and blah blah blah. Well, because they're just not good relationship material. Not everybody is. And then Scott Gordon, welcome Scott. Scott is from our Dad Starting Over team. If you don't know, you can book time with Scott. Scott's a very interesting individual that I have done interviews with. You can see interviews with him, with him and his wife together. You can listen to that on YouTube or on the Dad Starting Over podcast. Scott is also a very successful businessman has an excellent relationship with his wife of— I'm not sure how many years, Scott— and they also have children together. Great person to learn from. So you can book time with him at dadstartingover.com/coaching as well, or again, join the DSO fraternity, chat with Scott quite a bit, all day every day, and, uh, listen to him as he, uh, and interact with him in live meetings. We're really blessed to have a person like Scott in our group. Amongst other dudes in the group. KLXNT says that sex work should be normalized. Well, in a lot of parts of the world it is. Perfectly illegal, it is, oh, what's the word, sanctioned by the government, put limits on it, they require certain health precautions to make sure everybody's okay, but they recognize this shit's gonna go on whether we legalize it or not, so we might as well normalize it, we might as well monitor it, and sanction it and all this other stuff, um, because it's, it's going on regardless. Again, world's oldest profession is what it is. And for a person who has 10 years of being celibate and all this other stuff, maybe that's a good starting place for them. And, uh, not every woman involved in that world is in fact a victim. Sometimes they're perfectly, you know, with it human beings that are voluntarily doing this, and they're comfortable in their sexuality. I don't know what got them to that point in life, but maybe I should, I should explore talking to a sex worker for the Dad Starting Over podcast. That would be interesting. There is actually one that I follow on Twitter, very interesting woman. I've mentioned her on here before because I really like her stuff. Ayela, I don't know how to pronounce her name exactly. A-E-L-L-A, I believe. You can follow her on Twitter. I believe she has also pointed out that she may be on the autism spectrum, if not for sure. She comes from a very strict religious background, and she is now a big-time writer, researcher, and sex worker. Interesting person to follow. Nick says, hey, getting turned down makes for great stories. Embrace those moments. Yeah, 'tis the human experience. When you put yourself out there, you're going to get shut down. Things happen. You move on. For some of us that are more, you know, more neurotic types, um, You got a lot of baggage from your childhood. Getting shut down and rejected is a big freaking deal to some people, while other people have like, yeah, you got shut down, so what? It's funny, same exact experience, two different ways of framing it. Um, the second, the, the latter tends to, uh, do much better in the relationship game because they're not so hurt, whether it's while they're in a marriage or long-term relationship or when they're trying to form relationships— relationships with others, excuse me— they tend to fare well. People that are high in trait neuroticism— being labeled as neurotic or being high in neuroticism sounds like an insult, but it is not. It's a psychological term. It is one of the Big Five personality traits. To help remember them, you can use the acronym of OCEAN. Let me see if I can remember these: openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, O-C-E-A is agreeableness. And lastly, N is neuroticism. People that are high in neuroticism have a tough time. Neuroticism is a— I always simplify it as saying a propensity for negative thought. People that are high in neuroticism tend to be higher in anxiety, depression, and negative mental stuff. Uh, uncomfortable factoid, sorry ladies, the most neurotic people tend to be ladies. Don't worry, men have a lot of other bad things about us as well. But when you look at— when you map out the Big Five personality traits, who's the most neurotic? We look at a couple, man and woman, it tends to be the woman. Um, yes, women tend to have higher, uh, incidences of anxiety and depression and so forth. Uh, from what I've seen, if a guy— if a guy is high in neuroticism, oof, that's extra tough for a dude. You really got to work on that because that just, um, puts a, puts a negative blanket on a lot of stuff in your life. Your romantic relationships, your work relationships, your platonic friend relationships are all kind of colored and influenced by this high levels of neuroticism. Um, if you can relate to that, got to work on that. That's going to be tough. And, uh, I would presume if I have a guy who says, I'm socially awkward, I haven't had sex in 10+ years, I don't know where to begin, Justin or others like are like him, uh, are probably high in neuroticism. Work on that via, you know, working on your health, working on your mental health, your physical health. Therapy certainly helps with a good therapist. Um, you, you know, treat yourself as a project, have fun with it. Uh, any other questions? Our, our group is, is growing here. Please give me a like if you could, please. I would greatly appreciate it. That will help spread the word here. I got a good-sized group here. Anybody else have any other questions or comments? Please keep them coming. Thank you for the likes, guys. I appreciate it. Welcome all of those watching on YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter. I cannot see any comments from Twitter here on my system, so if you're watching on Twitter, thanks so much, greatly appreciate it. Give me a follow. Don't have hardly anybody following me on Twitter. I don't even think I've hit the 1,000 mark yet. Well, here on Facebook, I got the 135,000 mark and 120-some thousand on TikTok. And in the grand scheme of social media, that's not a whole hell of a lot, but for me, for me, that's pretty good. And it's my main form of marketing, basically, social media. Um, anybody else? Going once, twice. I don't have to stay on here much longer if there's no more questions. DadStartingOver.com is the website, posting more and more stuff out there. Um, check out Dear DSO. You can submit a question or a story or whatever via via the Dear DSO page on the website. We have a little form on there you can fill out, and if it's a good story or a good question, I'll create a video about it. And I've been posting those. You can see those on YouTube, Facebook, and those tend to get a lot of traffic. I hear some cool stories. You know, I've been doing this for years now. I've heard some shit. It gets interesting. And so that's why I said we need to make something formal out of this. So I created that Dear DSO form on the website. I'll put it here in the comments. Pardon me for a moment while I type away. Talk amongst yourselves. Mm-hmm. Oh man, I can't see. Oh geez. Eh, hope that works. DadStartingOver.com. Yep, that looks good to me. Wordsmith. There's Wordsmith. How you doing, buddy? Haven't seen you in a while on YouTube. Do you agree that for a man to be happy, he should be more attractive than his wife? I don't really like these kind of blanket weird statements. This, you know, comes across as kind of, uh, but I get it. I'm not trying to be insulting here, but, um, there's a point in development for a lot of men, especially men that are overcoming like a trauma or trying to move past a shitty relationship or marriage and stuff, where they become very— not all men, but some men become analytical, and they try to break down this relationship game into digestible chunks, things that they can quantify. It's almost very spectrum-y in nature. By that I mean like the autism spectrum, tend to kind of quantify things and try to remove emotion and just try to understand this human robot in, in our, uh, in our behavior. Like we're, like we're studying, uh, lab rats, you know, in a cage. And so this kind of falls in line with that. So in order to be happy, do you think that this and this should occur? Do you think a man should be more attractive than his wife? Well, let's break that down. Where's the— what's the origin of that? Is insecurity the origin of that? Um, if my wife is really, really pretty, she's going to attract a lot of potential suitors and men trying to get into her pants, which will make my job as her monogamous partner that much more difficult. Come on, dude. If that's in fact the origin of this, which I have a feeling it is for a lot of men, you don't want a woman too hot. Well, why not? You know, using the number system, the woman's a 10 or 11 on the scale or whatever. Good for you, dude. Well, in fact, she attract a lot more attention than a woman who is a— I hate to use these numbers because they're so crass— a 3 out of 10 on the scale. Yeah, she probably will. Is that going to make your job harder? Okay, well, if she's the type that runs off with some dude that tries to woo her Adiós. I don't— okay, have fun. Um, obviously I got a really good, high-caliber woman before. I can do it again. I'll be heartbroken. I'll cry myself to sleep. I'll get over it. Been there, done that. Um, that's kind of the mindset you have to have really when entering any kind of relationship. What if I, you know, what if I take on a really, really good job with a big, powerful company? They're going to mistreat me, and they're going to want a lot of work out of me, and they're going to expect a lot out of me. In order to make money, uh, okay, then you just leave said job and go elsewhere. But at least give it a shot, you know, go work for Apple or Tesla or some other huge company. You got a big opportunity, take it, see what happens. Um, well, I can't do that, that may end poorly. It's the same kind of thing. I, I don't get these kind of questions. I mean, I do get them, but I don't necessarily abide by them, and I think it's kind of silly. Um, but no, to answer your question, do I agree that for a man to be happy, he needs to be more attractive than his wife? No, um, I know plenty of— in the, in the history of people I have known over the years, known, known of, observed over the years, there have been plenty of instances where it's a guy that you objectively look at and then you look at the wife and you go, really? Um, often the men have what we call like a high status about them. He's kind of a big shot in some way. Money, isn't it? Is money part of it? I mean, let's be honest, sure. With status comes money, comes the ability to provide, the ability to buy things, and yeah, that's attractive. Nothing wrong with that. In addition, usually when you see those relationships where you look at the guy and you look at the gal and you say, really? He's usually pretty charming dude. You spend time with him and after a while you go, I get it. He's a cool dude. He's funny. He's charming. He's got some wit. He's just cool to be around. I can see why he would attract a lot of people to him, and especially this hot woman that's on his arm. I get it. Now go to that guy and ask him, do you think that you need to be prettier than your wife in order to be happy? He'd just look at you and go, what? And look at his wife and go, look at her. She's a knockout. Look at me. No, we've been together for so many years. This is awesome. If she wants to go with some boy toy somewhere else, whatever, adiós. I'm a big deal. That's kind of the, uh, the attitude you need to have. Wordsmith and others. Mr. Irv, how are you, Mr. DSO fraternity member? Says, damn, Daddy. I don't know if I like being called Daddy or not. Maybe I like it too much. Um, it says 130,000 plus. That's amazing. Obviously A needed area of content. Yeah, um, we had our Diazo Fraternity, uh, meeting yesterday. We had a gentleman that was new on the meeting who mentioned he was 70-something years old. I think I mentioned him earlier on here. Um, he said, uh, uh, one of my fellow content creators is starting up his own private group, which is kind of, I guess you could say, in competition with my little private group. And, uh, he's like, what do you think about that? And I was like, dude, there are more than enough dudes out there to go around. There could be 20 more DSO fraternity type groups out there. If somebody goes to one of these other groups and says, I think I like this one better, I'd say, God bless you, dude, I hope you get the help you need, have fun. I'm not hurting for guys to help, you know. Uh, one way to illustrate this is When I started advertising with Facebook, I put in there some of the criteria: English-speaking men between the ages of 35 and 55, because I've learned over the years that's who looks at my stuff. English-speaking men 35 to 55 who are interested in topics such as divorce, improving marriage, etc., etc. And then Facebook spits back, okay, here's the projected audience that you are going to be targeting. And it was something like 60 million dudes. I'm not gonna run out of guys to talk to. And that's just Facebook. We haven't talked about YouTube and Twitter and Instagram and just the World Wide Web in general, you know, Google advertising and all this other stuff. Tens of millions of dudes. And I'll be a happy camper if I just have 5,000 guys in our DSO fraternity group. 5,000 is a crumb off the piece of a pie that would make up my prospective customer base. So we're not gonna hurt— and there's so many guys out there needing help. If there are 20 DSO fraternity type groups out there for them, good. I'm glad. Um, not in competition. We all work together to help each other out. And, uh, I hope just dudes— I hope I am one little cog in the wheel of— that's not the right term. You know what I mean. Um, I hope I'm able to reach out and, and touch and help as many guys as I potentially can, but I can't do it all myself. So I hope there's a lot of other guys out there helping. Uh, the question stems from how important— this is Wordsmith following up to his previous question of— okay, for those just joining us, Wordsmith from YouTube originally asked, do you agree that for a man to be happy, he should be more attractive than his wife? The follow-up to that is, the question stems from— pardon me— the question stems from how important you say working out, getting in shape is for turning around a dead bedroom. Often the guy will find out that he is now more attractive than her and how that affects it. Well, here's the thing. Regardless if you have a woman living in your house, you're married to her, you're dating or whatever, your dumbass should be in the gym working out. Why? Because it's healthy. It makes you feel better about yourself. You live longer, you live better. Uh, we know for a fact that longevity-wise, one of, if not the most important thing, is exercise. Um, we know that science has proven to us there's a correlation between people who don't get a lot of physical exercise and things like dementia and Alzheimer's, for example. Um, people who move their body a lot, exert a lot, lift things up and down, whether that's in a gym or in a natural work setting or whatever it may be— farmer, for example— have far less instances of all kinds of freaking problems. So taking woman out of the equation, please go work out. If that reaches a couple of you that are kind of out of shape, you owe it to yourself and your loved ones. If you have children, or yes, your partner, if you have a romantic partner, you need to go work out and get in shape. Look good. Yes, dress well. Show the world that I care about myself and how I dress. Again, regardless if you got a woman or not. So to say get in shape to turn around your dead bedroom, yeah, it can certainly help for a lot of men. I've had women say to me, thank you for writing your book, my husband finally got off his ass and started getting into shape. I've only been bugging him in a roundabout way. Roundabout is the key term. In a roundabout way for the past 10 years or so. I'm glad something woke him up. Now I have my husband back. In other words, I've been really unattracted to this blob of a human that's just been sitting and doing nothing. Finally he got off his butt. Yay, I like this. That's some women, not all women, but that's some women. So for them, yes, in fact, getting in shape did the trick. Um, but for others, we have plenty of guys that say, I'm a Riptodonis. I look like a Greek god, and they have pictures to prove it. And they're like, I'm getting hit on at work, I'm getting hit on at the gym, I got women— the neighbor randomly texted me a naked picture of herself, all these other stuff. So, but wife at home, it's not moving the needle at all. So for some, that just ain't going to do it. There's a lot deeper issues there. Um, Uh, so K— um, pardon me, I can't read your— KLXNT from YouTube says, you could help a lot more than that demographic if you adjusted your message just a little. You would be a great alternative to the toxic, quote, red pill communities. In what way should I adjust my message? That's the follow-up question of that. So you see some, some ways in which you think I go a little maybe too far in one direction and you're like, you need to bring it back a little bit, dude, I'm all ears. Let's hear it. Um, Wordsmith says that he is definitely working out and he's down 75 pounds. Woo! LOL. Yeah, you've mentioned that to us before on here. Excellent, keep it up, dude. That's awesome. Uh, worst case scenario, you're a way better, healthier version of yourself. You're more attractive objectively. You're more confident, and you'll feel better about yourself, and you will attract more abundance to you. It may not work with your wife, but you're in a way better position to work with other women, isn't it? And men. You will attract more, uh, platonic friends to you, uh, business opportunities, work opportunities. Uh, there are a lot of people that I've talked to who improve themselves physically, and they were like, I, I can't believe how that has affected Everything in my life. I got a promotion. I think that had a lot to do with how I look and how I feel and how I present myself. Like, yeah, it affects everything. So get in shape. Forget about whether or not it makes your wife want to jump your bones. In a roundabout way, I guess that's what I'm saying. Folks, it's about an hour now. I'm going to wrap it up here soon because, as I always say when I wrap these things up, I got to eat lunch. Getting hungry. So thank you all so very much. Any other last-minute questions before I wrap it up? Um, no, if not, dadstartingover.com. If you're watching this and you are not following me or liking or however it works on whatever platform you are watching, please give me a follow or a subscribe or a like or whatever. I would greatly appreciate it. Check out the Dad Starting Over website if you are a dude and you would like to work with other dudes like yourself and talk to other guys that are— have a like-minded vision for improving in life. Check out the DSO Fraternity, our private group for men only. I am scrolling here and I'm going to repost— there we go— a link to try out our group for free, absolutely free, for 1 month. If you stick with the group after a month, yes, we will start charging you the monthly fee. If after the month you're like, um, I don't think it's for me, no hurt feelings, you can quit and we're not going to charge you a penny, but try it out. I think if you're like most dudes, you'll say, yeah, this is, this is what I need. And in the grand scheme of things, for all that you get for your money every month, it's— I know I'm a biased person when saying this— it's a bargain. Trust me, for as much as we put into this, as much content as you will never run out of ingesting, is in addition to chatting live with fellow dudes from around the world, it's a bargain. Dario says good night, enjoy the lunch, and thank you for the opinions. Well, thank you very much, Dario, for, uh, um, for your, uh, your comments. I greatly appreciate it. And I'm looking here, make sure I'm not missing anything. Thank you all so very much. I appreciate all of you. DadStartingOver.com. Give me a like, give me a follow, blah blah blah. Thank you all so very much, and I hope you have a wonderful rest of your week and weekend. Have a good one, guys.