Chat LIVE with Ralph!

Chat with Ralph, it's the place to be. Ba da da da, ba da da da. Bald as the moon but full of tea. Ba da ba da ba, ba da da da da ba da. Divorce debates and cheating confessions. Sexless nights and awkward questions. Oh, Chat with Ralph, it's a laugh and a half. Grab a seat, tune in for the gaff. Bald and bold, spilling the truth. Get ready folks, here's your proof. Got no hair but I got the flair. Marriage drama, we lay it bare. Infidelity, It's a spicy stew. Pour a cup, let's talk it through. So join the fun, don't miss a thing. A chat with Ralph Brewer, secrets swing. Bald is beautiful, and that's a fact. Now hit that stream, it's time to act!

All right, welcome everyone. It's your boy Raffalito coming to you with an impromptu, unscheduled live. And let me start off with an apology because I was supposed to be live with none other— none other, excuse me— than Miss Laura Howe. For those that are big on YouTube, very popular in our world with male relationship-oriented talk, really, and all that stuff. Uh, Laura Howe and I were supposed to chat at 11 AM Central Time, I believe, here. Had it in Facebook, on YouTube, and just totally spaced and put it in the wrong date on my calendar. So I totally— my fault. So apologies to Laura, apologies to all you guys that were like, we're waiting for the live stream with Laura and Ralph. Didn't happen, my bad. So anyway, we got Fight for Better Now says Ralph Brewer, 3 hours late. I realize that, my bad, schedule mishap. Oopsies, all that good stuff. So thank you. So, or I apologize and thank you, Fight for Better Now, for pointing that out again. So I am also, um, live on Instagram, uh, for the first— assuming this is working properly. Bear with me here, guys. My very first time I've ever done a live stream on Instagram. Um, let's see if it works. I'm clicked over to Instagram and it still shows the little— oh yeah, I'm working, I'm going. Okay, cool. So, um Doing something new here today. If you guys would like a free copy of The Dead Bedroom Fix, do me a favor and comment "free" on this video down in the comments, and I'll get you a copy. Uh, we'll direct message to you. Now, for you— oh, YouTube guys, uh, I don't think that's gonna work, is it? So that's for guys that are watching me on— pardon me, excuse me, relatively ignorant, old, you know how it works here. But for you Facebook people and for you Instagram people, if you comment free, F-R-E-E, leave that in the comments, I will direct message you a free copy of The Dead Bedroom Fix. The Dead Bedroom Fix is, for those that don't know, my most popular book by a long shot. I've sold hundreds of thousands of copies of that. If you want a free copy of it, comment free Facebook, Instagram people, comment free and I will shoot that over to you as soon as possible. So let me put that out there. Let me put that in the comments for to promote more comments. Uh, comment free and I'll DM you. Um, yeah, uh, Dead Bedroom Fix, how about that? All right, cool. How y'all doing today? Me?

Good.

Busy. Been a very, very busy last week. This week I'm completely moved into the new place here. I've been back and forth here temporarily for a while, but I am in North Dallas, Texas. We got anybody from North Dallas, Texas? I'm in Frisco, to be specific. Any Friscoans? That's what they call themselves here, but I guess I'm one of them now. But let me know in the comments. Where are you guys from? That's always interesting to hear where people are tuning in from today. Looks like we got one more people coming in here live with me today. Thank you all so very much for joining, for joining rather, on Facebook, YouTube, X, and now Instagram. Welcome all you guys. For you guys that are relatively new to seeing yours truly on X and Instagram, I'm finally— goddamn, excuse my language— finally making some strides in or excuse me, X, or Twitter as it used to be called, and Instagram. My Instagram following has doubled over the last month. Twitter's the same. Hallelujah, things are starting to click. Our new membership into our group, which I'll go into here in a second, that's starting to click at a pretty good pace too. So things are working out, guys. Things are on the, on the, on the ups for old Ralphie boy. Let's hope here. But thank you all, for all of you guys who have been watching and tuning in and everything else. It's, it's awesome. We got a hello from Freenik, F-R-E-E-N-I-K, however you pronounce that, Mr. Freenik. I'm going to say Freenik. Uh, hello, is this live? Freenik is asking. Yes, it is. It's— this is live. You're joining us live, Mr. Freenik. I just called you out live for everyone to see. And we got Joe from El Paso, Texas. Very cool. Down in the West Texas town of El Paso. And how that goes, I fell in love with the Mexican girl. I think that's how that goes. First thing comes to mind, Mr. Joe from El Paso, fellow Texan.

Yeehaw!

You know, I, I'm here in North Dallas, Texas, and all my friends who basically live outside of the state— Illinois, Arizona, Kentucky— they all say, um, do you have cowboy hats and horses? Like, they envision like what we think of like Texas, you know, on Hollywood Texas, I guess. This is the most uncowboy, untexas place I've ever been to, period. North Dallas, Texas, it's suburbia USA. In fact, there's a relatively large Indian population in this, uh, part of the city, which is interesting. So, um, if there's anything, it's, you know, learn how to, uh, what are some, uh, the Hindu religion, um, I'm trying to think of some other Hindu things or Indian culture things, the Indian food, and there's Indian restaurants all over the place. So if you love Indian food, this is your paradise. So it's very interesting, um, but definitely not Um, cowboyish at all. And Mr. Phrenic says, I was feeling lonely and tuned in. Well, I'm sorry to hear that, Mr. Phrenic. Welcome, you're amongst friends, right? Good morning from Queensland, says David. Well, how awesome is that? Queensland, uh, very, very cool. Welcome everybody. Uh, for those that don't know, my name is Ralph Brewer. I'm sorry, I wish it was something cooler. I can't help it. You know what was my father's name and his father's name? I'm the third. It makes it even more dorky, doesn't it? But yes, I'm Ralph Brewer III. Anywho, um, many of you know me as DSO, which stands for Dad Starting Over, which is the handle for my social media accounts for a decade plus now. And if it looks like I'm tearing up, I'm not, guys. I have allergies and it's just kicking my butt. That's something I've learned about North Dallas. Welcome to allergy capital of the world, apparently. But they said the same thing when I was in Kentucky, in Louisville area, so I don't know if it's horseshit or not, but it's really kicking my butt. It just really irritated eyes today. I have to take the old contacts out. Cameron from Atlanta, Georgia, welcome. But anyway, um, Dad Starting Over, social media accounts for years and years. About 14 years ago now, it's been a while, um, I went through a pretty nasty divorce, pretty nasty period in my life. My wife at the time, now ex-wife I'm gonna put it out there, there was infidelity. So for you guys that have endured that, been there, done that, unfortunately. Um, there was midlife crises, there was all that stuff. I'm trying not to get too specific here, throw under the bus, because our relationship is relatively good now. I'd like to keep it that way. But, um, it wasn't a good period of my life. I wrote on my experiences, I talked all about it online in blog format, got some attention here and there. And it wasn't until I talked about one subject in particular that got more attention than anything else. And I don't know if you guys know what that subject may be. For guys that follow me, you do. Um, sexless marriages, or the dead bedroom as they call it online. That's not my term, I stole it from something I saw online, I think Reddit or whatever. Um, but that subject was so popular that I wrote a book about it called The Dead Bedroom Fix. It is from my perspective as the guy who's been through all that, came out the other side in new relationships and kind of learned some things and learned some things from talking to guys online and everything else. I, I put it all together in my little recipe for how to resolve this situation for one once and for all, and I call that book The Dead Bedroom Fix. Did pretty well. And then the second edition came out a few years later, and then that did pretty well. Then the third edition just came out last year. It's doing all right too. The Dead Bedroom Fix. And you can learn more at deadbedroomfix.com. Do I have the little banner thingy? Yes, I do. deadbedroomfix.com. Check it out. By far my most popular book of all time. And I put in the comments, for those that are joining late here, if you're on Facebook or Instagram and you want to put free in the comments, I will direct message you a free copy of The Dead Bedroom Fix. Just put free in the comments there and I'll be able to direct message you. It may happen automatically. I may have to go in and do it manually or whatever, but it'll come to you. Thank you, Mr. Grant, I appreciate you, brother, for the free there. I'll get that out to you as soon as I can. If the little system doesn't do what it's supposed to do and send that to you automatically, we'll get you taken care of. All right, uh, Freenik, I'm not able to direct message you on YouTube. Sorry, brother. Um, how to get that to you outside of YouTube? Because there's no direct messaging on YouTube, at least there's not that I'm aware of anyway, right? Maybe you want to email me or Ralph.B. at help4men.com. Ralph.B. at help4men.com. Say, hey, yo, this is Fredrik from the stream, YouTube, and I'll shoot it over to you. All right, cool. Anyway, so that book took off and it got a lot of eyeballs on my stuff, and so much so that I'm like, I got to take advantage of this. And I wrote over the past— how many years has it been now that I've been doing this? A decade plus. I've written 4 other books, so 5 books total. Dead Bedroom Fix, still my most popular. I hit it right out of the gate on attempt number one, book number one. Um, started a private support community for men, started a larger organization called Help for Men, and the private support community that we have for men is called The Brotherhood. And that is something that, guys, a whole bunch of you need to do, and you're not doing it. And I know because we only have 850 or so members, but I have hundreds of thousands of followers. And yet I got guys reaching out to me for help on a daily basis via instant message, via email, and they're asking me question after question. And I hate to be Mr. Salesman, but there's a reason I started a support community for men, because there's a demand for it. You know how you get better? You surround yourself with other guys trying to get better. You surround yourself with guys who have been there and done that. You surround yourself with guys that are like, I'm going through the same thing, dude. Let's compare notes. Let's talk. Let's get together online, in person, whatever. And I provided the avenue to do that, and it's called the Brotherhood. You can learn more at help4men.com/join. Let me put that in the comments so you guys have— help4men.com/join. Put that so you can click on that. help4men.com/join. So, uh, when you join, what do you get? Let's talk about some of the particulars. There's a forum, private, men only, members only. So right away we're keeping all the not so good people out, right? The ladies— not that the ladies are bad, but they don't need to be with a bunch of guys talking about stuff. So no ladies, no non-members, paying members only. That raises the level of conversation like a thousandfold. We use Facebook private groups, no one can see what the hell it is you're talking in there. We also utilize Discord. So either way, whichever you prefer. A lot of guys like Facebook, a lot of guys like Discord. Whatever reason, we got you covered. Thousands and thousands of posts, hundreds of dudes. And then we have Zoom meetings. This month we got about 20 live Zoom meetings on the schedule. Next month I think we have closer to 30 live Zoom meetings on the schedule, and each meeting is an hour plus, and we talk about all kinds of cool stuff. Uh, divorce, dead bedrooms, wife cheated, I cheated, finances, job, career stuff. We have talked about it all. I don't care. Yes, even that, whatever you're thinking about, we talked about that too. Sexual kinks, you name it, we've talked about it. It's a bunch of dudes who have no shame, uh, no hesitations. It's a safe space to talk about whatever. So you can imagine a lot of good stuff gets done in those meetings. A lot of good stuff gets done in the forums. If you want to talk to yours truly one-on-one, gonna cost you a little bit extra, but yes, you can do that along with other guys on our team, the other coaches on our team, 6 other guys. 7 of us total on the team. Each of us have our own little expertises, and then we get together in person for conferences. Uh, we have had 6 total conferences in the US, and we have had 4 in Australia, I believe. Um, coming up this year, number 5 in Australia. Next year will be number 7 in the US. We would like to do more than one, but with time and money and everything else, it costs a lot to put these things on. So right now it's just the one per um, year in each location, and we may expand to other locations like in Europe and so forth. But for now, that's it. And, uh, oh, all those— the meetings that I talked about, the Zoom meetings, most guys aren't able to attend live. You know, you got 850 guys, you don't have 850 guys on a Zoom meeting. We have 20 to 30 that show up live. For the rest of you, we have all those meetings recorded. You can listen back to them. And you can do so— I don't have my phone, where's my phone— you can do so right from your phone, uh, as if they were a podcast, a podcast of past member meetings that you can listen to. And you scroll through and look at the subject matter and everything else and pick which one you want to listen to. You will never ever run out of shit to listen to because we add to it all the time, like every week. And we're up to like 1,600+ hours of meetings in addition to all my books. I didn't mention that you get my books at no charge, 5 books, audiobooks included, no charge. All kinds of cool stuff, and the cost is $47 a month. It's a lot, dude. Now, if it's not for you— Ralph Brewer, I can't even afford $4, let alone $47— understand it's not for everybody. But if you're a guy that values working with a ton of other dudes, been there, done that, working with myself one-on-one, getting meetings with myself, talking to me face to face, so to speak, as well as other guys on the team, all the resources that you have If that's worth $47, I think it is, otherwise I wouldn't be doing it. Join 850+ other men. help4men.com/join. Enough of that sales pitch, ladies and germs. If you could, while you're here, thank you whoever gave me a like there. If you give me a like, subscribe, follow, give me a like, whatever, however the hell it works, wherever you're watching this, that would help me out a great deal. Thank you so very much. I appreciate all of you. Um, we got guys from South Africa. Nyanga— am I pronouncing that correctly? What a cool name. Nyanga Mkadi— I apologize for my ignorance and not knowing how to pronounce that. Uh, he says, Ralph Brewer, you a god. Well, I don't know about that. God of baldness, maybe. Bald blowhards on the internet. I have the book, he says. Well, thank you, that's awesome. We got several guys here that are wanting free copies of The Dead Bedroom Fix. We'll get that out to you as soon as possible. Followed, says Freenick. You seem really genuine. Oh, it's very nice of you. Thank you. Uh, you know, in my little world of— how do you encapsulate this— male self-help space, specifically around relationship stuff. So we, we often talk about marriage and the difficulties of that, and the sexless marriage, and my wife doesn't like me anymore and we're divorcing, and I'm— or it could be I'm dating and I'm having a difficult time dating. We relationship-oriented male self-help stuff that lends itself to some not-so-nice things. One of the not-so-nice things is it's really, really easy for guys like you and me who have been through the shit to say these women are a bunch of fill in the blank. If it wasn't for them, we would all be much better off. And I get the sentiment completely. I remember when I first went through what I did 14 years ago with my ex I wished everything horrible on this woman. I remember saying to somebody— I had to pause because it sounded so horrible— I had to chuckle like, well, that's a whole level of holy shit. I said, I hope she gets cancer and it spreads from her toes to her gums. And I'm like, okay, that's a whole level of fall right there. But that's what I meant at the time. I, I wished everything horrible on her. And then you go down the road of, are all women like this? Because what happens when you, when you enter into the world— as I rest my elbows on the table here when you enter into the world of I've been hurt is that you put yourself out there, or you start searching for other people, pain shopping as they call it. For example, totally not related, let's say that you were, uh, your house was broken into, and then you go online, you're like, my house was broken into, blah blah blah, and then you find like, holy shit, there are people all over the world that their house has been broken into and things have been stolen. I think this is an epidemic. And then when you actually look at the actual crime data, it's like rarely do people get broken into. Some places way more than others. But overall, as a world, as a society, most of us have never experienced somebody breaking into your house and stealing things. But if you go online and you do your searching and then next thing you know, the next thing you know, the algorithm starts pumping out story after story, TikTok after TikTok, Instagram Reel, Facebook, YouTube video after YouTube video of, oh my God, my house has been broken into. You think this is a holy shit epidemic. No one should ever own a home. We need to buy landmines. I need to put a moat around my house. I need to get machine guns to protect me and my family. All this other stuff, it just fills— pumps you full of fear. And then people start selling you stuff like anti-house invasion stuff, and nobody— because you're convinced that this is a very real thing that happens to everybody. Same kind of thing with women cheating, uh, sexless marriages, which are— in fact, they are pretty common, I'm sorry to say. Um, and so forth, but you think it's just everybody, everybody, and it's not. And I say that as a guy who's been cheated on and everything else, right? Um, relatively rare, but with that being said, that doesn't minimize just how painful it is and how awful it is. But the point I'm making is that we dudes, man to man here, we don't get anywhere by stepping on the necks of women and saying these whores and all this other stuff or whatever. It gets you nowhere. It may feel good in the moment of like, haha, and like, what better way to get back at the women that hurt you than to call them a bunch of names and say at baseline, based on their biology, they're flawed and they're terrible and there's nothing they can do about it and I'm better than them. That whole mindset right there, that's a historical thing. You go down history, you look at Germany with what they did back in the '40s, and then the 20s, and the— this, this civilization did that to these people. There's always a them when times are hard and things are bad. We always like, who can I point to? It's them, it's them, it's them. And that's what I see in the online discourse. And it could be argued that I help feed it by, by just pointing out some of the bad stuff that some guys go through, just to show you like, dude, been there, done that, it's okay, you'll come out alive. Here are some things you can do to get better. Women come back to say you're demonizing women. No, no, no. I'm pointing out things are bad, and sometimes they are bad at the expense of women in our lives. It happens. Same thing with men, same whatever. Um, I'm going to argue that the women online seem to be potentially especially more sensitive to that kind of thing, maybe for good reason. But man, if you say something like women tend to be fill in the blank, oh shit, be careful, it doesn't go over well. I've joked that, um, you can get online and say men tend to be the majority of rapists, murderers, child molesters, which by the way, statistically true. But I bet you none of the people on this call have done any of these things, right? I don't know anybody who has personally, but I don't think so. So it's not that common. But statistically, when you look at who does those horrible violent crimes, who commits most violent crime period, it's men. Put that out there. If you're a real man and you're, you're a stats-based logical dude, you're gonna be like, yeah, true, but guess what? Not me, not my friends. So don't tell you, but yeah, it happens. There are crazy people out there, crazy dudes out there. Now, if I then follow up with saying, and by the way, here's just a little innocuous statement, um, when you look at personality traits in people, got a man and a woman, the woman is statistically far more likely to have higher levels of what we call neuroticism. Neuroticism is a propensity for negative thought, to oversimplify it. So if you're a person who's more susceptible to depression, anxiety, and you look at things as half empty versus half full, and you're very negative impression, and things affect you a great deal, and you're very highly sensitive and very negative about things. Women have a higher propensity or highly likelihood of having that compared to men. It's just scientifically accurate, I'm sorry to say. Um, but even given everything I just said about men being the rapists and the murderers, and then I say this little thing about women over here, you're a misogynist, you're awful, you're terrible, I can't believe you say such a thing. It's like, okay, come on, if we can say one thing, we should be able to say the other. But coming from bald dude on internet doesn't go over too well. So ladies, toughen up a little bit there. But anyway, we got England checking in. How cool is that? Gavin, Gavin, the most English name ever, my friend. Gavin follows up by saying, I broke up with my wife of 20 years, been dark, so dark. Met a new friend, she's pulled me out of the rock bottom, but the pain is still real. So, uh, Mr. Gavin, Uh, you had to break up, so I assume something pretty bad there. You say you just broke up, so maybe that means mutual breakup. I don't know, it doesn't even matter who initiated it. Maybe it does, but anyway, you're hurting. The thing that raises my eyebrow and go, oh, Gavin is using— is that a way to put it? I don't know if that's fair or not— another person to make you feel better. So you've been dumped, potentially you caught her cheating, something horrible happened and you broke up, and you're like, I feel awful, I feel dark, so dark, as you say, not good. And then, uh, here comes this lady, neighbor, friend, friend, whatever it is, and you guys are getting close, and suddenly like, pain all gone, yay! Problem is the pain's still there, as you say. The pain is still real. It's still lurking on the surface. She, and presumably the love and affection, hanky-panky going on, makes you feel better temporarily. What if she goes away? And then you still got to face the boogeyman, which is, I got to get to the bottom of why this affected me so much, why this relationship ended, why it ended so horribly, why it was so dramatically bad, and etc., etc. Why— maybe here's the deeper issue, and I've harped on this many times— why is it that I was attracted to such a person in the first place? What caused me to cling to them when things were so bad? Like that. Um, I'm inferring a lot, assuming a lot, but just that I talked to so many people about this. Um, and you say, Gavin, that she kept acting suspicious with her phone. Well, acting suspicious is one thing. Maybe you're a little bit too— maybe you're a little bit, uh, paranoid and whatever about things. Or was she legitimately fooling around on you? If she's legitimately fooling around, sorry to hear about that, man. Um, hear about that all the time. Stupid phones. I mean, they make it so easy to get in touch with anyone and everyone, don't they? All you got to do is slide into the DMs, as the kids say, and away you go. It doesn't take long for a relationship to go from emotional, which is what that means, uh, to physical. Um, what helps in that regard for a lot of people is that a lot of internet stuff is very long, long distance. I've had— this is something I hear a lot, and it really surprises me. I didn't realize that there was such a big, um, what do you call it, community of women online playing online games, like these, what do you call them, role-playing games or whatever. Maybe I'm dating myself, but, uh, World of Warcraft was a big one back in the day. I don't know if they're— I'm sure there's tons of other ones out there, but, uh, more and more I'm hearing from guys like, my wife or long-term girlfriend was really big into X game she started talking to people in the game, she started talking to the same— these men outside of the game, and lo and behold, they started getting the 'I love you' and sexual and all this other stuff. It's kind of interesting. Um, I would have thought that was predominantly a world of men with that online gaming, but apparently not. Yeah, he said— you're— Gavin says his friend— he's— 'My new friend and I are just using each other.' That's one way to put it. Um, 'You would have had to call it out if it was your wife,' says Gavin. So her behavior was pretty bad, over the top, and you're like, wifey, this behavior is pretty bad, and she's like, what, F you, I'm divorcing you. Whatever you care to share there, it's none of our business, and whatever you feel, uh, comfy sharing there. But usually I do these lives, um, for those that are brand new here, uh, you've seen my material probably over and over again online, um, all my videos, articles, whatever it is. If there's something that is kind of sparked something in you you want to further talk about, something you disagree with, whatever it may be, anything. Or if you'd just like to share your story like Mr. Gavin here has done, um, please feel free to do so and I will address it here. We can all talk about it together as much as we can via these dumb little comments and me yapping. Mr. Joe here from Facebook says he just read the book and started the gym last week again. Well, that's awesome. Wife was mad about it today, but taking care of myself has felt good. That's good for you, man. That's awesome. Happier and confidence has been so much better. Well, that's good. Hoping it can help turn things around. Turn things around in terms of your relationship? Potentially. Turn things around in terms of you and your physical and mental health? Abso-freaking-lutely. So good for you, dude. Joe, you know how many guys, um, uh, are so against the concept of being selfish, which just means doing things for me? To the point where any kind of direction towards anything that serves himself is, uh, downplayed, is squashed, is just removed from the equation completely. And often we are in relationships with people, unfortunately, that help to propagate that feeling ourselves. I'm not speaking too clearly here, you know what I mean. So you're like a guy who's like, uh, you go to the doctor and the doctor says, dude, you're way overweight. You need to lose weight. Your blood pressure's up. Your blood markers are all horrible, blah blah blah. By the way, your hormone levels are depleted as well, probably in part due to your sitting around doing nothing and gaining all this weight. Let's get you maybe on some kind of, uh, GLP drug, Ozempic, tirzepatide, whatever they're called these days. And then, uh, let's, uh, get you on a blood pressure med. And hey, how about some testosterone? How about this and that? Hey, by the way, how's the Johnson working? I get you on some Viagra. And he gives her— gives him this cocktail of stuff to get better. I'm telling you, man, I've heard that story I don't know how many times. I can't tell you, probably in the majority of cases, the wives in these kind of situations say, I don't like any of that. Maybe the blood pressure meds are okay. Yeah, you probably should lose weight to get healthier, but I don't want you to lose weight to look better. And the guy's like, what the hell? And I certainly don't want you using the Viagra because that means you're just going to want me more. And he's like, okay, that's nice to hear. And the testosterone, why? You're no He-Man. Why do you need to do that? And the guy's like, goddamn. Um, basically, when we are with people that like to kind of keep us down, so to speak, because they don't like themselves very much— maybe your wife's 20 pounds overweight and she felt more comfortable with you being 50 pounds overweight because she knew, like, you ain't going anywhere, she ain't going anywhere, there's no risk of other people finding you attractive. Horrible as that sounds, as shallow as that sounds, that's the mind frame for a lot of insecure people. And so when we see our loved one— and this ain't limited to women by a long shot— when we see our loved one, like the dude, doing all this and getting better and going to the gym and everything else, they're like, you're going to leave me. I need to squash this however I can. And the first, um, avenue to do so is shame. Who do you think you are? You're taking time for yourself. You're taking time away from the kids. Must be nice. I can't take time away, blah blah blah. I always tell men to combat this with I will go 3 times a week, you go 3 times a week. I got the kiddos, I'll take care of everything, the dinner and the diapers and the blah, whatever it may be. I'll drive the kids. You just go take care of yourself, wife. Don't worry about us. 9 times out of 10, the wife says, I don't want to. The guy's like, I do. I don't know what to tell you. That's a healthy thing that people do. We take care of ourselves, health, well-being, interests, whatever it may be. We're supposed to have a life outside of this little core us. It's a healthy thing to do. No, not every day, all day, and every— but on a regular basis, sure. And you're supposed to be supportive of each other. And I say, this ain't just a woman thing. Um, plenty of you guys out there, your wife's like, I want to join gym, my friend joins, and I want to get in shape. And a lot of you guys are like, oh shit, she's going to leave me, she's going to cheat on me. You got to squash that now. If she does, she does. She's a shithead, you got rid of a shithead. But you should be supportive and join her. That's what I tell every guy, because, uh, as horrible as it is to say, a relationship with the the shallow attractive stuff is uneven. You're 50 pounds overweight and she suddenly goes to the gym and looks really good in spandex, ain't gonna last very long. Dude suddenly, um, is making high six-figure salary and lost 100 pounds, it ain't gonna last long. Why? Both of them have a lot of options. Both of them are out there saying, hey world, look at the new me. It's not good, uh, in terms of, um, at a very basic level, the, um, attraction levels between the two. The two are entering into completely different worlds, and, uh, you got to be pretty secure, and secure enough to say, I can see, I better snap to it and better jump to attention and better join them on this new journey of life and have fun with it. As opposed to the opposite, which is, if you spouse, you should feel shameful for doing this because you're making me feel bad. It's just all ugly. Um, selfishness has been drilled out of us, says Fight for Better Now, especially if we were raised anywhere around religion. Uh, Simon Sinek The greatest honors in the military are granted to men who sacrifice themselves for the benefit of the group. In the civilian world, we reward— it's hard to say— we reward disproportionately those who are willing to sacrifice others for themselves. Oh, that's deep. I haven't heard that one. Thank you for sharing that. And Danny, if you don't get it automatically, I'll get that book out to you as soon as I can. For those that don't know what I'm talking about, you've just joined me if you put— for you Facebook and Instagram people— if you put free, F-R-E-E, in the comments, I will get you a free copy of The Dead Bedroom Fix, my most popular book. But the first— the general law of nature is first you take care of them, you give. Take care of them, you give. First you take the— oh wait, is first you take them, you get— lost me on that one. There is, there is this whole off-sited, um, example of when you're in an airplane and the plane's going down and the masks come down from the ceiling, the little oxygen masks. They say put it on yourself first and then tend to your loved one. That way you have your wits about you and take care of— same kind of thing with taking care of your mental health and your physical health. It's, you know, take care of yourself, then you're able to be a better father, a better husband, and everything. But if you're just this fat, unhealthy slob, you're not you're no good to anybody. So take care of that. Uh, Nanga from South Africa says, June 5th, 2026, was in divorce court. That was just a few days ago. Uh, judge took half of my life savings. Oh, we still have to sell the house and we split the 50%. Uh, allowed to see my kids once a week. That sucks balls. Basically Steve's story in Divorce Panic. Yeah, I read it, Ralph. It was like you were telling me my life story. Thank you. Uh, Divorce Panic is the second book I ever wrote. And no, I don't have a little bit— oh yes, I do. There you go. You can get more. And by the way, you can download a free copy of that as well, um, PDF version of it anyway. Divorcepanic.com, check it out. That's the book that Yanga's, uh, referring to here. Did I get that name right? I already lost my— all right, where'd my comments— there it is. Yes, Yanga, um, I hope I'm pronouncing that correctly. Um, that's what he read. He's recommending here divorcepanic.com, free PDF right from the website there. Any of these books that I'm mentioning here today, you can download the paperback copy, Kindle version of on Amazon. Nyanga says he got it on Amazon as well as Audible for the audio version, as well as Spotify. If you're a Spotify Premium member, don't go buying anywhere else. You already have it included in your membership. Go to Spotify, search for Dead Bedroom Fix, search for Divorce Panic, search for Real Talk No Bullshit Life Advice for Young Men, search Red Flags. Search for Rebuild, my latest book. Rebuild: The Complete Guide to Starting Over as a Man is my latest book, and that one is also available on Spotify Premium at no extra charge to you. So check those out. Uh, yes, here's my latest book. Read rebuild.com. Uh, you do have to pay for downloading the PDF with that one, pay for all the versions and all the retailers, all that stuff. So check it out. Yes, I've been busy. I've written a bunch of books. What else we got going on here today that I can share with you? If you would like to submit your story to me, uh, you can do so at deardso.com, and if it's a good one, I'll create a video out of it. That's kind of cool. What else we got going on here? Um, free course, deadbedroomfixcourse.com. Free little mini course there for you guys, a bunch of videos of me talking about the dead bedroom stuff. So check it out, deadbedroomfixcourse.com. I also have a free little mini course all about My wife cheated. You go to mywifecheated.com. Yes, this is years and years of stuff here, guys. This isn't all new, so I've had these things for years. Really good about introducing the whole concept of what it is that I do and all that fun stuff. Get you on our emailing list, you know how it works. But, um, let me just go back to my comments here. We got, uh, Andrej.

I—

once again, I'm— you got a little J at the end of your name there. I would say Andre, but you got Andrej Dimchevsky. Dimchevsky. Andrej Dimchevsky. Did I get that right? I'm trying to remarry, he says, but I have trauma from the ex-wife. What is the best advice? Work on that and don't try to remarry, my friend. Why do you need to get remarried? You know when I say you're ready for that whole marriage and long-term commitment? When you say to a guy, like, here's how you know you're not— you're ready. This doesn't apply to everybody, but just bear with me here. So you got a guy, he's single, whatever, and you go to him and you go, I got a single friend for you. And he perks up and says, what's her name? Give me her name, I'll look her up on Instagram, on Facebook. And so he's a little eager, a little too eager. Why? Because there's a lot missing in his life. He's just— he's— he doesn't really know how to function on his own. You know the drill. That guy's probably not ready for a long-term relationship. He needs to cool his jets and work on himself for a while. Versus you go to that same guy and he goes, I don't know, man, I'm really kind of comfortable in my life the way it is. I don't know, do I want to make time for somebody else or not? I mean, they would have to have a lot, you know, going for them, and I'm looking for a particular type. Let your friend know that if I meet them and I say, you know, this isn't going to work out, don't take it personally. It's just that it takes a lot for me to you know, put myself out there and stuff. I have such a comfortable existence. That guy, by my estimation— I could be wrong— that guy, by my estimation, probably has a higher chance of bringing his A-game, being more secure in the relationship, um, being more selective about who he gets with. And but therefore, with all those things in line, therefore have a healthy long-term relationship. If you're a guy that's like, yes, she looked at me, I'll take her, she's my wife, yeah, That just ends in disaster. So, Andreyich, when you say, 'I'm trying to remarry,' that's— my initial thought is probably not a good idea, dude. Just cool it. And the fact that you have identified trauma— here's another way of looking at this, Andreyich. Any woman, knowing your full story, which is you sit down with them, you go, 'My name's Andreyich, here's the deal, I just got divorced here not too long ago, I'm still dealing with the trauma of that, I'm still a wreck, blah blah blah, but anyway, let's order appetizers,' she's gonna go, Andre H, buddy, you're not ready for this. I like you, you seem to be a cool dude, I like talking to you on the phone or whatever, but, um, you— if you want to do coffee or whatever, that's fine, but we're not going to do a romantic thing here. I just— I wish you all the best. Because she would be a secure woman. Good for her. An insecure woman would be like, yay, a fellow broken dude! And then two— oh shit, as I drop my drink— and then two broken people get together. And just all hell breaks loose. That's the majority of what I've seen out there, unfortunately. Mr. Andrew from Facebook says, hey Ralph, that's me, I appreciate your insights. My wife is objectively speaking pretty good. If I had closer relationship with my wife, I couldn't ask for more. Oh, she is objectively speaking pretty good. Sorry, it takes— I'm a little slow. If I had a closer relationship with my wife, I couldn't ask for more. She has gone through menopause and doesn't appear to want much physical contact besides short hugs. Ouch. I guess I'm your typical preoccupied guy. She's pretty avoidant. Double ouch. I want to learn how to be more confident and resilient. Um, well, my friend, a couple things come to mind. She's pretty good. You had closer friendship with her wife. I couldn't ask for more. So was everything just hunky-dory and then menopause and then suddenly Or, you know, you've thrown out words like, uh, let me get rid of this on the screen. You've thrown out words like, um, she's avoidant and you're preoccupied. That's something that both of you brought to the relationship. Like, this predates even you two getting together at all. And then you're together and you do your thing and you live so many years, and then menopause hits, and that just kind of amplifies everything, the disconnect between the two of you. Is that a good summation of that? Uh, if so, yeah. I— but what I love about your situation here is your description, rather, is, I guess I'm your typical Preoccupied guy, she's pretty avoidant. I want to learn how to be more confident and resilient. Amen, brother. Instead of saying, how do I get her to change? You don't. You get you to change. Um, check out Rebuild, my latest book. Uh, not trying to sell you horseshit here, but I happen to write just all about this called rebuilding yourself. So check out readrebuild.com. Better yet, my friend, spend a few bucks more and In fact, you know what, why didn't I think of this? I'm going to put it here in the chat here. Bear with me, talk amongst yourselves as I burp in the microphone. Excuse me. HelpForMen.com/free-month. Brotherhood, absolutely free for one whole month, no strings attached. If you continue past the month, then we charge you. Check it out for a month. If it ain't for you, you just say, I don't want to continue this, and we cancel you. No big deal. Right? Um, but for that month you get all my books, talking to 850+ dudes online, get in our live meetings where you can talk to me and other guys on the team and your fellow members. That's how you get better. You don't get better by reading another book, not by itself. It's a good tool, it's a piece of the puzzle. So anytime I'm dealing with like issues of marriage sucks and yada yada, or my career sucks, or my love life sucks, or I can't get laid— whatever it is, it's whatever the issue is, it's comprised of a lot of pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. This chunk over here is read these books, gives you good foundation for stuff. This chunk over here is watch these YouTube videos, gives you good foundation. This chunk over here is go to therapy, get to the bottom of— if they're a good therapist, get to the bottom of what's causing all this. Where'd this come from? And then another, by my estimation, excuse me, another giant chunk of the, uh, jigsaw puzzle is working with other men. Check out the Brotherhood, my friend. HelpForMen.com. Check it out free for a month. I just put the link there where you can check it out for free for a month, or jump right, go ahead and join us right away. HelpForMen.com/join or HelpForMen.com/free-month. And, uh, check out the Brotherhood. I think it's right up your alley. So how do I get better? How to get more secure? By learning from others. Um, I've mentioned this many times, apologize for those that heard me say this, but whatever the discipline is, the interest is, whatever it may be, something as silly as I want to be better at— shit, I don't know, I'm looking around my desk here. Look, I want to be a better photographer. Um, how do you do that? Sure, you can go to YouTube and watch some videos about learning about the rule of thirds and how to do a proper, uh, exposure and all this other stuff, right? You know what really expedites the process? Hey, photographer dude, can I pick your brain for a bit? And he sits down with you and he goes over the menu on your, on your camera, and he shows you whatever you do, don't do this, and don't buy this thing, it's such a waste of money. Instead, buy this, it's way cheaper, it's, it's just as good. And I, I got— I belong to a group of other photographers, come hang out with us, we'll show you how to shoot this, shoot this. And by the way, video is a whole cool world, you want to learn all the about video, and on and on and on. It just opens your mind and your eyes to a whole new world, and it expedites the process of learning, of doing better. Go to that guy a year later, he's an expert photographer. Go to the other guy who just watched a couple of YouTube videos and farted around with his camera for a while, and he's a— he's so-so, he's all right, he's got a ways to go, and he's made a bunch of mistakes, and he's got thousands of dollars of shit that he didn't need. You know where I'm going with this. Check out the Brotherhood, you guys. And we got Joe says he just joined.

Yay!

All right, Joe, love to have you, my friend. Say hello, get in there and do your little introductory post on the forums and join us in a meeting. I got a meeting tomorrow at 11 AM Central Time— time, excuse me— so you can chat with yours truly face to face along with other members and all that good stuff. I got 2 meetings I'm hosting this week, uh, 2 or 3 next week. We have— I don't know if you guys know, uh, Laura Howe. I was supposed to do a live with her today, and I completely had a brain fart and put it the wrong day on my calendar or missed it. So apologize. But next week, if she doesn't, you know, run for the hills and say, "God damn it, Ralph," and skip out on me, which I don't blame her, um, she's supposed to be joining us for a meeting next week with our membership to join in a live Zoom meeting doing some, uh, one-on-one questions and chat with her. So that'd be pretty cool. Laura Howe. So, uh, Mr. Joe and others that join us, you'll be able to chat with her. We got Mr. Fight for Better Now saying, just an insight I'd like to share. I was thinking over the weekend how many times we have to put on different hats for different tasks, especially inside of relationships. So I had a discussion— is there more to this? Am I missing it? We're waiting on the, on the rest there, mister. Pardon me, it's a good drink. All righty, I'll hold off here. Fight for Better Now, you have us waiting on our toes, pensively, eagerly waiting for the dot dot dot here on your insights. While we wait on that, how's everybody else doing? Hope you're doing well. I do need to wrap it up here soon, guys. Oh, here we go. All right, hold on. So I had a discussion with the wife saying, I know sometimes you need me And no, and I need to know what hat you need on at that moment, he says. Say you, you, uh, let me know what version of you, you need to show up. I've heard some version of this before where guys will say, or his wife is really emoting to him about something, which for a lot of guys is very bothersome because we see this as she's bringing me negative energy and she's— this, this is really easily solved from where I'm sitting. Like, I don't understand why she's really going on and on about this like this. This is just negativity and emoting for the sake of negativity and emoting, and it's very aggravating. It doesn't make any sense to me. I'm not in the headspace for this right now. And the first thing we want to do is like, wife, stop. This is real simple. Do this, don't do this, done. What else you got? But it's kind of a shithead thing to do. We don't want to do that. So what a lot of guys have done to get in the way of this and not mansplain and everything else is to say, all right, wife, Are you looking just to emote, or are you looking for solutions here? Kind of like it. It's pretty blunt, right? I think it's kind of what you're doing here, Mr. Fight. It's like, wife, you looking for Mr. Fixer here? Are you just looking for a shoulder to cry on? And they may say, I just want to look, I just want you to listen. I don't— okay, let's— I'm Mr. Listener. Let's have it. Let's go. Let's hear what you got. I think it's cool. Nothing wrong with that. I like it. But you're right, I think that come— it's more difficult. And I'm not saying this is what you are, Mr. Fight, but it's so common in my world. Um, and this is a term which some people criticize as being a little overused, and I can see their point, um, neurodivergent. For you guys that are ADHD, autism, and so forth, you have a more difficult time with the social things, especially the guys on the autism spectrum. That's not a negative, it's not an insult, it just is. One hallmark of being on the autism spectrum is difficulty with social situations, not getting certain social cues, not kind of being in on the joke, so to speak. So if you're in a group of people and you're wondering like What's sarcastic, what's not, what's this, what's being serious, what's that? Like, I don't quite know how to bring myself to this conversation. Kind of typical in that world. So it's something, it's a muscle that you need to learn how to flex over and over again. Expose yourself, a lot of exposure to a lot of social situ— social situations and so forth, and becomes easier for you. And guidance from people that know how to deal with that kind of thing. So that's something I hear. Again, I'm not saying, Fai, that's you, but that's something I hear from that that world quite a bit. It's like, I'm not quite sure what's— how to take this. And often a lot of those guys, they're kind of naive when it comes to relationships. Again, not to be insulting, but they often find themselves with women who have personality disorders and such. So it gets really bad and really toxic. And a lot of those men say, I didn't know what was healthy and what wasn't. I thought this is kind of how all relationships were. And then she made me feel like, no dude, you're doing things wrong, you're taking this wrong, you're a dipshit. And he's like, well, maybe I am a dipshit. I don't know, I'm really bad at this relationship thing. And this persists for years and years until somebody says, Dude, you're in an abusive relationship. Are you okay? Get the hell out of there. And he's like, I didn't know. And I hear that quite a bit. So for any of you guys, um, that are struggling with that, neurodivergent brothers out there, you're in good hands, uh, or a good company rather, because there's thousands and thousands of you guys out there that I talk to all the time. And a lot of them are in the brotherhood. So check it out, help4men.com/join, or I put the link there in the, uh, comments there for a free month. So check it out, help4men.com/free-month. If I— for a better analysis, are you looking for a handyman, a crisis manager, a lover, a massage therapist? I love it. I mean, get cute with it, get fun with it, right? Don't take things so seriously. I like it. I think that's good. Mr. Fight and others, guys, it's about 3:30 my time. I'm gonna call it quits here. Thank you all so very much for joining me today. For you that joined me on Instagram for the very first time ever, thank you so very much. Give me a like, give me a follow, it helps out a great deal. And that same goes for you guys on Facebook, YouTube, give me a like, give me a follow, subscribe. Every little bit helps a great deal. We're starting to make some inroads on X and Instagram, so thank you guys, all the new followers on there as well. Guys, that's it for me. I do appreciate each and every one of you. Hope you have a wonderful rest of your day, and maybe I'll be back on here later this week. I'm not sure. Let's see what the old schedule allows. It's summertime, I got 2 kids in camps, and you know how it goes. All right guys, thank you all again. Appreciate you. I'll catch you on the next one.

A toodaloo!