Chat LIVE with Ralph (DSO)!

Hello everyone, welcome, welcome. How are you folks today? Let me make sure I got everything squared away here. Alright. Yeah, we're good. Cool. Excelente. How are you fine folks today? Let me get my comments up here. Alright, here we go. Welcome! It's your boy, Raffalito, back for another live. It's been a while. Um, when did I do another one? About a week ago? Uh, new backdrop, I think, since I last did one of these. I don't believe you guys have seen this, for those that watch my lives. Uh, I'm in Texas. I split time between two different offices/studios, if you will. To call this a studio is a bit of a stretch. This is basically— wish I could give you a tour here— it's like a closet. I'm in a big walk-in closet that I rent, a space, an office space here in Plano, Texas. Anybody from Plano, let me know in the comments. And I have been usually using in the background a green screen, but decided to make it an actual backdrop of real stuff. So I've been slowly but surely adding knickknacks to the shelf back there. Wife gave me the big eggplant. I thought that was kind of, kind of a tongue-in-cheek man thing. Get it? Eggplant emoji? No? Okay. And then my book, Dead Bedroom Fix. Oh man, you can't tell what that is back there, the little candle next to it. It's a bourbon and bacon candle. I thought that was suitably manly enough, so— so much for that. I can't even see it back there. And then below that there's Mr. Mortimer. He's He's a little, I guess, I don't know what he is, groundhog? No, squirrel? I don't know what he is. He's from Maine, got it when I was in Maine. So, and my little bonsai tree, Help for Men. Whoops, wrong way, logo there. Anywho, so, in case you're fooled by the backdrop, yes, it is I. I mean, how could you mistake me for somebody else with the bald head and all, right? Ralph Brewer. So welcome everyone. Looks like somebody gave me a like, thank you so very much. If you guys could, if you're watching this, whether it's on YouTube or Facebook, or even Twitter, uh, give me a like, give me a follow, or subscribe, a share, however it works wherever you're watching this. That helps out tremendously if you're able to give me a like and stuff. That tells all these, uh, social media platforms that, uh, I am worthy of watching, and then they will share it with other people that may not have heard of me before. So give me a like, please. I'd appreciate it. Uh, for those of you that are new to this, you're watching this on a channel that is called Dad Starting Over. I have been creating content under the Dad Starting Over name for shit, like almost a decade now. Started off as a simple blog. From there it went to writing books. One of those books happened to take off and sell a lot of copies. That book was called, right behind me here, The Dead Bedroom Fix. Just what it sounds like. It's a book about sexless marriages. It was just one of several topics that I wrote on. Somebody said they liked what I wrote on that on a blog years ago, so I wrote a book about it that took off, and that led to a second version in 2020, and then a third edition of this book in 2024, July of this year. A third edition of that book, The Dead Bedroom Fix, just came out. That's it right behind me. Please check it out. deadbedroomfix.com, Amazon, Audible, Barnes Noble, Apple Books. Make sure it says Dead Bedroom Fix 3rd Edition. That's the newest, latest, and greatest. You can still buy the 2nd edition out there. It's still selling every day, but the 3rd edition is the latest and greatest. In fact, the Audible version of the book has content that all the other versions don't have, the audio version of it. So check it out, 3rd edition of thedeadbedroomfix.com. What else do I typically promote on here? As the name behind me implies, Help for Men. We started helpformen.com was that earlier, earlier this year in 2024, as a larger, more inclusive brand organization that's not just for dads starting over but for all men. We have our private group under that that is called the HFM Brotherhood. It's a private support community for men only. So we have private discussion forums, we get together many times a week for live Zoom meetings. We— all my books, I've written 4 books, by the way. The Dead Bedroom Fix is just one of them. I've written 4 of them. You get all of them at no extra charge if you're a member of group. You can download the electronic copy, watch on, or read on your phone rather, or you can actually listen to the audiobook, no additional charge. Um, all the, all the Zoom meetings that I talked about, we have almost like 1,000 hours of Zoom meetings that have been recorded, and you can listen to them again from your phone. Pretty cool. We have a podcast just for our members. What else do we have? We get together in person. We're having our 5th annual conference coming up in, uh, Charleston, South Carolina next year. Pretty cool. And what else? We have coaching. Myself and other gentlemen on the team do one-on-one mentoring or coaching, if you will, for our members. It's a lot cheaper than the general public. And then we have courses, some of them for free, some of them cost a few bucks. So check it out, the Help for Men Brotherhood, HFM Brotherhood, at help4men.com. Or you can go to— let me put it in the, in the chat or in the comments here. Help4men.com/join. We have guys that have been in the group for years, have made lifelong friends. Some guys get together on their own little meetups on the side or whatever. We're helping each other out. You post a topic on our discussion forums in the private community there and say, this is what's going on with me, what do you guys think, has anybody done this, and you'll get dozens of replies like immediately. So it's very, very active. Guys from all over the world US, Australia, everywhere in between. So very, very proud to be part of the HFM Brotherhood. To learn more, helpformen.com or helpformen.com/join. Check it out. Oh, Guitar God from Facebook, a regular. Hello, Guitar God. How are you, buddy? He says, uh, hi DSO, I was reading your book Divorce Panic. And by the way, you can also read Divorce Panic. Go to divorcepanic.com. I buy up all the domains, make it easier for you guys. DivorcePanic.com. Or go to HelpForMen.com and go to books there. But anyway, he says he read Divorce Panic last night and he's really, really enjoyed buying it. Well, I hope you enjoyed reading it more so than buying it. I'm not divorcing, but I'm still enjoying this so much. Well, I'm glad. Maybe. You described my wife to the letter as Mrs. Dull, the exact archetype. I think, um, Guys out there who have read The Dead Bedroom Fix would get a lot out of Divorce Panic even if they aren't divorcing. Really interesting stuff. Well, thank you. I appreciate that. Um, you know, in, in, uh, reading over it again here recently, every now and then, uh, you, like I say, the members have access to the audiobook version. So like the other day I was, uh, weed eating, you know, out in the yard with a weed eater and just playing random stuff on my phone. And I saw that came up and, uh, I saw the audiobook feed, so I just randomly clicked on it and started listening to it. And Divorce Panic is a bit negative, uh, for lack of a better word, simply because it deals with the topic of divorce. So as a married guy, I don't know necessarily I would recommend it. Here's a guy trying to sell books and I'm telling guys, I don't know if I'd buy it if I were a married dude. It's more for guys that have, um, been through the process of divorce, cheated on and all that stuff to help kind of wrap their mind about what the hell's going on there and to, to commiserate and read other stories from guys that have been there, done that. It's basically what it is, guys going through the panic of divorce. Divorce panic. So to hear a guy go, man, this describes my situation and I'm married, I don't know if that's a good thing, Guitar God. And for those that don't know, the archetype of the Mrs. Dull, if I'm trying to remember right, is basically kind of like Miss Avoidant, Miss Not Sexy. This is not necessarily a condemnation or making them look worse than or not as good as others. Everyone's wired in a different way and some people, men and women alike, are just not sexy creatures. They're not sexual, and they'll probably be the first to tell you that, like, "Eh, that's not for me." You know, they're not the type to get dolled up, dressed up, look sexy, hit the town, do fun things. You know, I've had some men and women out there are the opposite of that, are pretty sexy and sexual together, and they will do kind of out-there things like go to strip clubs together, and, you know, go to parties together, and like Halloween parties and get all dressed up in sexy outfits and things like that. And some people hearing that are like, that's just way out there crazy stuff, no thank you. Two ends of the spectrum there. Mrs. Dahl is definitely not in the, you know, sexy side of things. So I'm sorry to hear, Mr. Kitarga, that your wife falls in that category. He says, I've been trying to think of how her parents act with each other, and as you advise in the book, they are from Europe, and I've never seen them but once a year or so and never noticed red flags, but interesting to think about. Whereabouts in Europe, uh, are they from, Guitar God? Just curious, having my family from Europe. Spain— my mother is from Spain. My wife is from Germany, which I happen to have been born in Germany. Quite the— we're quite the, uh, what's the word, cosmopolitan, international kind of family in that way. So we know, we know people from all over, so we're definitely not just US-based. So I can kind of relate to that world of the European world, quite a bit different than the US, especially when it comes to, um Um, you're more progressive sexual type of stuff. I think a lot of Americans would kind of blush at a lot of the— be a lot of pearl clutching if you went to some parts of Europe and saw how open they are about some sexual things. I'm trying to think, and like, you know, I've talked about this plenty of times, so excuse me if you've heard this. Like, when I remember as a little kid going to Spain, spent a few summers in Spain as a kid, and I remember on television there was nudity like on daytime TV. And as a little, um, what's the word, oh, boring little, uh, American kid who was, you know, so, uh, kind of sexually repressed in that way, to see boobies on TV in the middle of the day was just like, holy poop. And they— I remember they would laugh at me as a kid, like, look at him, he's so— he's so lame in that way, you know, that he's so taken aback by nudity on TV. It's like, is that really that big of a deal in the States? And it's like It is. So I'd be curious to see what the— what they're like, where they're from. You know, Eastern European— Eastern Europe is way different than Western Europe, for example. Uh, the Netherlands. Oh cool, interesting. Well, that's a very kind of progressive in a lot of ways society. The drug thing and sex thing and all that. Well, they have the, uh, what, red light district? And, uh, is that the Netherlands? Yeah. And, uh, the whole pot smoking thing. So interesting. So close to Germany. Yeah, been there. Um, what else got going on here, folks? Uh, recently did a couple of different videos on the subject of duty sex. Got a lot of views, a lot of views, a lot of comments. I don't know why that's topic du jour right now on the internet, on the rela— on the relationship-oriented space. Um, but a lot of people are talking about that subject of duty sex, which is basically Typically it's the woman feels a duty or obligation to perform certain sexual acts for man, for the— to keep the unity, to keep the couple going, to keep the— to keep the family machine running. And some people say you shouldn't feel obligated to do that if you don't want to do it, and on and on. So I've talked all about that. So if that's something somebody may want to talk about, I'm all ears, because apparently everyone loves to talk about that right now. What else we got going on? I'm driving my new car from Texas to Kentucky. Tomorrow. My new car is a Tesla Model 3. I got a Candy Apple Red Tesla Model 3. I'm very excited about it. So I'll be driving that. It's going to be a grand total with all the charging, a 15-hour trip. I think I can do it in one day. I don't know if I want to do it one day. I get tired easily, so I may have to split that up into a couple days. That's about it for me, folks. All right, good talking to you. This is typically where I say if anybody has any questions, comments, anything at all, now's the time to do so. You know, I've learned in the past that Fridays are not necessarily the best day for these, but that's the only thing I can make work this week. Excuse me, I got some time here to kill, so I thought I would just schedule this. I had 3 coaching calls today, which is a pretty good day for me coaching-wise. Guitar God says, I'll talk about duty sucks, but I don't imagine many guys would want it, and it's cringy. Well, you mean what you're about to say is cringy? Cringe away, my friend. The floor is yours. Nobody else is here, apparently. Um, what else we got going on? Uh, talk about— oh, um, go to the Dad Starting Over YouTube channel, youtube.com/dadstartingover. Do a search for Dad Starting Over, you'll find it. And, um, here recently I did a Dear DSO video, and I'm going to put it in the comments. You could go to deardso.com. Again, I buy up all these domains, make it easy. deardso.com, check it out. It'll jump you right to a page on the Help for Men website where you can submit your own question or story via a form. And as I always say, and if it's a good one, I'll create a video out of it. And, uh, one day I just said, why don't I open it up to people actually chatting with me live and we record our live chat as opposed to me reading text, responding creating, you know, 10-20 minute video out of it and posting it. How about we actually have the guy or gal, I guess for that matter, you know, in audio format? We won't see them, just hear them, and we talk back and forth. And I haven't had many takers on that. I've had a few people that, you know, inquired about it, and then they kind of fizzled out. One guy we were gonna do it, but we couldn't make the schedule work. He was in Australia. It's really tough with the schedules there. And then finally we got one, and it is up on on the YouTube channel. I've posted it on Facebook as well. I believe it was posted on Twitter. Um, Dear DSO, something about it's— guy finds it hard to be alone. His name was Christopher, and he talked all about his, uh, past relationship experience with being married multiple times, engaged, and now he's not even divorced yet. He's already got another one lined up. And I talked to Christopher for almost an hour all about that. On top of that, Christopher has also in the past suffered from bipolar disorder, which kind of complicates things. Kinda. It does complicate things quite a bit. So we talked all about that. So check it out on the YouTube channel, uh, Dad Starting Over. Um, or I could get the link for you guys and shut the hell up. Uh, why don't I do that? There we go. I already have it up here. And all right, there's the link to that latest Dear DSO. Guitar God, in response to the whole concept of duty sex, which is the wife feels a duty or obligation to do it, he says, if she's not into it, then it's a turn-off for most of us. Well, I would hope it's a turn-off for all of us to be in the acts, physical act of lovemaking with somebody who doesn't want to do it. First of all, I hope we could pick up on those signals unless they're really good at faking it. And then Once you pick up on said signals, I would hope you would back off and go, this is no bueno. What's going on? Are you okay? That's a very human reaction to that, as opposed to, oh well, and get my rocks off. Unfortunately, the latter, a lot of men do. Uh, he says you have experienced that and you have stopped trying with the wife. I'm sorry to hear that. Um, and you say you're not sure that all women experience responsive desire. Well, of course I don't. Not everybody has sexual desire. That's a tough pill to swallow apparently for a lot of people. You know, I've talked to some men that are like, my wife's 65 years of age, post-menopause, had all these problems, blah blah blah, no hormonal treatment, no nothing, and as of like the last 7 years she hasn't wanted to touch me, doesn't want to do anything like that, but she's still my best friend in the world. She told me go get sex elsewhere. She told me go get a girlfriend, she'll look the other way, but I don't want to do that. I want my wife to be turned on by me. It's like, dude, it's not happening. She doesn't want it. Leave her alone and stop bellyaching about wanting it from somebody who doesn't want you. She's giving you the green light to go get some, and then we have guys go, but I don't want to get some. I want some from my wife. Don't know what to tell you, dude. Can't have your cake and eat it too. Just the way it is. Maybe this is pointing to some kind of codependent streak in you. Wanting something from somebody that doesn't want you. Not good. Guitar God, on the other hand, says he'd happily get a side piece. Curious, what would your wife think of that, Guitar God? That little scenario I just spelled out is not the typical. Typically it's, uh, I don't want it and, uh, you're not gonna get it either. And a lot of men say, why would a woman not allow you to go get it elsewhere if she shuts off her supply? You know, she's like Post-menopause, it ain't you, it's me. Sorry, it ain't happening, buddy. You could do everything you want to do to improve yourself in the situation, but nope, not happening. And then he goes, well, can I go out and find companionship elsewhere? And she's like, yeah, you do, and I'll divorce you and take everything you're worth. Why would she do that? Because she realizes that you step out and go get it elsewhere, you ain't coming back, dude. Just the nature of the beast. Can you imagine going, you know, being in a sexless marriage, pushed away? I don't want anything to do with you. There's nothing you could do to fix this. And then suddenly you go out and you find some gal who treats you like a king and is validating and strokes your male ego and makes you feel amazing. And then you got to come back to the old battle axe. It ain't happening. And your wife knows that. Mel says, Mel from YouTube says, the day after I had your Dead Bedroom Fix book delivered, the long streak was broken. Okay. He says it took a lot of work and hard discussions. LOL, hard, get it? But seriously though, book is great. You say the day after you had it delivered, the long streak was broken. Is that— are you being serious? Because let's be honest, there's no magic pill in the thing that says read these words and suddenly your wife will get turned on and ready for sex. That's not how it works. It's a prescription for long-term life-changing things, which may or may not, but it will definitely put you in a better position to cultivate a relationship that is more sexual than not. Um, that's basically what that book's about. Um, but you say you took a lot of hard work and hard discussions, LOL. So it sounds like there was a prolonged process, Mel. So I'm, I'm happy to hear it. This Yours is a name and face that I've seen often in my comments, so thank you. And then Guitar God, in reference to wife want you to go out and get some, you say you're not sure that she would care, but you're not sure she'd want to have that conversation. It's probably a don't ask, don't tell kind of thing. That is basically the frame for a lot of such relationships. Throughout history, I don't think people have enough appreciation for, and I've tweeted about this and created videos about this, I don't think people have enough appreciation for how common it was for the situation to be, let's say Grandma. Grandma says, "It ain't happening, Grandpa. I know you're a 60, 70-some-year-old dude that wants to get it on with me, but sorry, I closed up shop a while back." and then grandpa does a little something on the side and she looks the other way. That's gone on for generations, guys. I'm not condoning it. I'm not saying it's a good thing, bad thing. I'm just saying it just is. It just was. Nowadays, it's a lot of people saying, yeah, go ahead and do that, buddy, and I'll take you for everything you're worth. Or sometimes it's more out in the open than it's ever been. I think we're more, um, you know, I don't know if we are more tolerant of that or not. As the words are starting to come out of my mouth, I'm not sure that is the case. There is fringes of society where they're very open about that, and it is surprising to a lot of people to hear that this concept of open marriages— that's what we're talking about— is more often than not proposed by the woman. Not in terms of, go get you some dude because I don't want you, but in terms of, I want these other people. This is what the woman is saying. So I suggest we go this alternative lifestyle, Mr. Man. And the husband's like, what? Who saw this coming? Uh, there was a survey done for a website called Open Minded. I think they surveyed some 60-some thousand couples within the group there, and two-thirds of them, it was the woman saying it was my idea to do the open marriage thing. Very interesting. Mel says it did happen as soon as you got the book. It was just a coincidence, but you thought it was funny. 8 years and 5 months of nothing? Is that what you're saying, Mel? And then suddenly, as soon as you get a book, it's on. Do you think she saw said book and got a little worried? A little ashamed? That's happened before. Um, John from Facebook says, 13 years and starting over again. Uh, what's up, John? What happened? Is it a divorce? Wife left kind of thing? If you feel comfortable sharing more, please do so. And I'm sorry to hear that. Or should I be? Sometimes I say I'm sorry and people— guys are like, no dude, this is the best thing ever. Um, Guitar God says, I mean, she used to be very sexual as you described, uh, Mrs. Dull in the book, and then after kids, nope, No more. Kiddos are a big life-changing event, that's for sure. And for some, it means the sexual thing is shut down for good, unfortunately. Hmm. And John, you say that your wife has said that you have grown apart. Well, John, is that true? Um, sometimes that happens. Sometimes it's not a nefarious, evil, conniving thing, meaning that they're fooling around with somebody else. And then again, sometimes it does. You know, I've had some men come to me to try and flip it, the gender, so we can kind of empathize or see the point of view here. Not, not, not agreeing with it, but just to kind of understand it. I have some men in our group, for example, who go through major life changes, usually in a more quote-unquote shallow variety, such as getting better physically. Guy loses 100 pounds, starts putting on muscle, joins a CrossFit class. That's the big brand name that is responsible for lots of different marital problems. So he joins this class. He's surrounded by a group of people that are all getting in shape and very youthful and energetic. And they look good. And he's starting to look like them. And then, "Wife, do you want to join me?" "No." No. Wife, do you want to get healthy with me? No. Wife, you're still 100 pounds overweight. I'm worried about you. Go to hell. They've kind of grown apart, and he's like, I don't want to be part of that unhealthy world anymore. That's one way that can kind of manifest itself. She went— and then John says, follow-up, she went back to school and she got her PhD. I'm retired army. She— I am retired army. She lost a lot of weight and she makes more money than I. That's the definition of grown-up heart, isn't it? She furthered her education, uh, the income, her looks, and she's probably just like what I described, isn't it, John? With the— surrounds herself with a new group of people, the PhD people, a bunch of intellectual type and going back to school and losing weight and comes home to John and she's like, hmm, I don't know if I want to do this anymore. And it sucks being on the other end of that. And if I have to be 1000%— percent? To be 100% transparent is what I'm trying to say. I went through something similar to that and I was on your end of things, John. I had an ex-wife who really got into the world of fitness, and that led to a lot of things which I won't talk about here because it's probably nobody's business, but which led to her inevitably saying, I don't, don't want to be with you no more. And it sucks being on the other end of that. Years later, you come to terms with it and go, eh, I kind of get it. Unfortunate the way it went down, the way it transpired. A lot of better ways of doing what happened there, but it happened. Yeah, and bazillions of men and women that have been in our shoes, John, and it sucks. Hmm. And the other John, Jonathan here says that was his case as well. Legitimate my case. A lot of us being, quote, left behind when it comes to our partner improving. This is in essence why So many of us, uh, experience insecurity when we see that overt self-improvement from our partner. Why, you know, this is why the ladies in our life— and this is what men in my group, the Brotherhood, the HFM Brotherhood, help4men.com, please join us— what they often report is, I decided to hell with this, I'm going to the gym and working out. And his woman seems to do anything and everything she can to get in the way of that. Instead of being his cheerleader, or hell, joining him, which is what he wants, she stays behind and bitches and moans and does all she can to sabotage his effort. And he's like, this makes no sense. She's like, other than myself, she's the other person who would benefit from all this work that I'm putting in. Why would she get in the way of that? Insecurity. She innately knows what John and the other John and myself have have experienced. With a sense of self-improvement, a heightened sense of confidence, and so forth comes a separation between you two, which increases the chances of you two separating. That's basically it. And we are living proof that, yeah, that happens. Unfortunately, not always, probably not most of the time, but it happens. Got two kids, 10 and 8. Now I have to move out and start all over again. Sorry to hear that, brother. When I went through what I did, it was a year and a half old, 6 and 9-year-old, and now they are 21 going on 18 and 13. So interesting. Hmm. Jonathan says, "Mine is 3 years old." So 3 years ago that happened to you, Jonathan? She decided to lie about everything and turn into a narcissist. It was crazy. I've done plenty of videos on that, how I say it'd be nice if there was an adult way to approach these things. And, you know, when making the split and moving to somebody else, which is often the case with the ladies in our lives that do this, is it'd be nice if they were adult about it. I understand I hurt you. This is what's going on. This is what I'm thinking, blah, blah, blah. It's not your fault. We'll do everything we can to co-parent these children. Sorry to do this to you. But instead it's, hey, let me just destroy you even further, kick you while you're down. And it makes no sense to us until you realize they're just very broken human beings. And that's the only way they know how to function, in a very broken way. And they hurt a lot of people in the process. And Mel says, Mel from YouTube says, all I can say is your advice about anxiety and slash the anxious man issues plays heavily into the attraction game. If anxiety, really overt anxious behavior is not attractive for either men or women, but it can be argued, and I, this is my argument, even more so a factor for men as far as lessening attraction, isn't it? The women tend to get more grace, more leeway when it comes to overt anxious behavior. And a lot of society just kind of shrugs their shoulders and says like, "Eh, it's the ladies, you know? They're hyper-emotional in that way. They're prone to anxiety. We just gotta roll with the punches. It is what it is." Be there for them, in fact. Support them when they go through these things. But if a man is overtly anxious and stressed and everything else, it's like, "Dude, you gotta get that under control. That's no bueno, man. The ladies don't like that. And men are gonna have less respect for you and everything else." Is there something to that? Yeah, there is. Vladimir from YouTube says, I paid all the bills and I got into debt for— I'm sorry, the comments just jumped. Let's try this one again, shall we? Vladimir from YouTube says, I paid all the bills and I got into debt for everything else while my soon-to-be ex-wife built a business. And now that it's taken off, her business, she doesn't need me anymore. F my own desire to build my own one day, right? Hey, happens, dude. You got with one who is not very nice and she took advantage of you. And thanks for all you did. I don't need you no more. That happens, man. Happens not a lot. It's not the common thing, but in our world of men with relationship problems that have been dumped and divorced and cheated on, seems to be par for the course, unfortunately, which is, uh, thank you, Mr. You know, in hindsight, Vladimir, maybe you can tell us more. Do you feel that maybe you were, um, and I'm not blaming you, dude, sounds like you're a great guy doing all that for your partner. We want to do all we can for our partner, which is spouse, girlfriend, whatever. We want to do all we can for our woman, right? Help them go through life in a stress-free way and help them realize their dreams. Awesome. But, uh, I think a lot of us in hindsight, doing what we do, kind of look back and go, maybe I went a little too far with it. Maybe I set aside my own desires, my own boundaries, and so forth to appease them. There, there was, you know, we can look back and pinpoint certain moments where we go, at this moment and this moment, I should have said no. At this moment, I should have stuck up for myself. I should have put up a boundary and said, I'm not going to put up with that, or I'm not going to go that far. I'm not, I'm not comfortable with this or whatever. But a lot of us don't. We're people pleaser, nice guy types, Mr. Pushover guy who just says, yes dear, yes dear, yes dear, yes dear. And what we find is, and the end result of all this yes dear, people pleasing, nice guy behavior is somebody who just says, thanks, see ya. And we're like, what the F? There's a limit to it. Delicate balancing act. Hmm. Oh, and Scott, Scott from our, uh, HFM Brotherhood, Coach Scott says, as a healthy example, uh, if you are comfortable, tell us about your 5 closest friends and how they bring you up. I'm going to shorten How does that fit in with everything, Scott? I'm lost. I'm sorry, I'm not very bright. I may come across as a bright individual, I may have fooled you guys, but, uh, combined with I'm tired, uh, is a healthy example of— if you are comfortable, tell us about your 5 closest friends and how they bring you up. All right. And then Jonathan Facebook says, uh, they will always have her back. No one cared about my side. Uh, exactly. You're a man, man up. Uh, there is something to that, and that is something that I brought up too. And I— if you guys haven't seen, I did interviews with Forbes, the big news magazine website, whatever, go to YouTube and look for Forbes. When we were talking about the election and how the majority of divorced men said that they were gonna vote for Trump, which, hey, apparently there was something to that with the election results there. And Forbes asked me like, why do I think that is? And I talked about there was this cultural thing that a lot of us men have seen that would lead us to be more, oh, what's the word? Uh, not so happy with a lot of cultural societal viewpoints towards men. There's a lot of things that we endure as men, one of which was this, this what you're pointing out here, Jonathan, which was some of us go through something like a divorce and our partner, ex-partner in crime there, could, uh, do all kinds of terrible things, cheat on you 20 times. Substance abuse, flat-out abuse you, all kinds of things. And then you split and go your separate ways, and you're at your place and crickets, nothing. Nobody texts you or calls you to say, hey buddy, how you doing? It's just, you just don't hear from them. And then you unfortunately jump over to your ex's social media pages, Facebook or whatever it is, and you're just watching sometimes literally hundreds of people going, what can I do for you? Yeah, it's the old damsel in distress thing. It's, uh, you know, we can piss and moan about it all we want, but it's just kind of— probably it's the way it's always been. Lady says, stubs her toe and says ouch, and she has 20 people coming to her rescue saying, what can I do? Do you need a Band-Aid? You need a bucket of ice? How can I help you? Uh, well, men on the other hand are ouch, and it's, dude, suck it up already. It sucks. It's the way it is. What have I found to kind of counterbalance this or counteract this is to work purposely with other men who have been in your shoes, men that are more empathetic to your plight, men that have said, been there, done that, let me see what I can do to help you. You need me to do this for you, you need me to do that for you, I'm here for you, buddy. Hence why I started the group, HFM Brotherhood, helpformen.com. Go to HFM or helpformen.com/join, check it out. I'm not trying to make a buck off of you. There is a fee involved to cover all the costs of doing all this stuff, but I try to keep it as low cost as humanly possible. But Jonathan and others, I have been exactly through what you've gone through. And when you sit down, you know, day after day going like, there should be something for men in all this. It's just kind of silly how we're ignored and all this and how they, the ladies, you don't— I don't mean to vilify them or whatever. It's not necessarily their fault that they get support. What are they supposed to do, turn it down? You know, but to watch them get free things and this and that and all this other stuff, and you sit back and you go, it'd be nice if there was something like that for men. And then finally you go, well, duh, why don't I make something like that for men? So that's why I started the group. So help4men.com. HFM Brotherhood. Check it out. Uh, like I say, Jonathan, you could post on there, anybody got ideas for, can anybody point me towards, anybody dealt with. You'll get dozens of replies instantly, as well as our live meetings and everything else. So check it out one more time, help4men.com, the HFM Brotherhood. And John, Facebook says, uh, it's all very raw still and new to you. She made the whole split Facebook official last night. Ouch. But she is very adult about all of it. That's good, but it still sucks. Being dumped sucks, and you don't have the means to leave quickly. I'm sorry to hear that, brother. If it's any consolation to you, my friend, uh, you hate to go down this road because it's kind of petty But some men take it and it helps them boost them up over the wall a little bit. In the grand scheme of things, statistically, long-term, we as men tend to do better than the ladies do post-divorce money-wise. So a lot of men are like, I gotta pay her this, I gotta pay her that, she's taking half of this, half of that. Even with all that, dudes, check back in 5 years from now. We Who's gonna be, oops, hit the microphone. Who's gonna be on top? Usually it's the dude. We could go on and on about why that is, but for some men, you know, yay team men kind of thing, right? But that's, we have the stats that that seems to be the case. So in other words, you're a dude, you're smart, you're hardworking, it is what it is, you'll do better. And lean on other guys for help, that's all I can tell you. Lean on other dudes, we're here for you. Here to help you out. If you don't have a close group of buddies around you, which a lot of guys don't anymore because they're moving around and also the garbage with work and everything else, um, check out our group, helpformen.com. We would love to help you out. Hmm. Anything else, gentlemen, while I take a sip of my beverage? Check out Dad Starting Over on YouTube. Uh, Help for Men, that's a channel on YouTube. Pardon me, youtube.com/realhelpformen is the handle on YouTube. Make sure that went across. Okay, yep. Um, if you go to that link, the Help for Men, the handle is, uh, Real Help for Men on YouTube, you'll see some interviews that I've done. I'm, uh, setting aside the Help for Men YouTube channel and podcast just for interviews with important people. And I'm reaching out to more and more people. I'm having a bit of a lull here. I had a guy lined up, uh, Adam Lane Smith was lined up for this week, but he had to reschedule for next month, unfortunately. That'd be a good one. If you don't know Adam Lane Smith, do a search, Adam Lane Smith, across all the social media, whatever. You'll see him. He's a man that talks a lot about, um, attachment theory and how we attached as a kiddo and how that affects us now in our relationships. And has a lot of male-friendly type stuff, and he's been posting more of, I was gonna talk to him about it, controversial type stuff here on Twitter recently. So I wanted to talk about that, about he's been talking about the phenomena of female counselors and therapists being caught in inappropriate sexual relationships with their clients. Apparently that's a big thing according to Adam. I was gonna ask him about that, so maybe something to check out. And John, you talk about you moved out there wherever you're at for her and her mom's retired there, so now you're stuck. I don't want to leave my kids. Also my story, John. Yeah, been there, done that. That's how I got 3 kids and I was stuck in the great state of Kentucky and had nobody else there. No family, no nobody. Left, you know, I bounced around as a kid. I was a military brat there for a little bit and Lived in Indiana for most of my childhood, and then for all of my childhood basically, and then, um, Illinois after that, and made a nice little group of friends. And then when we left Illinois to move closer to her family and I started my own business and everything else, I left all those friends behind and never quite made those connections again. And it sucked. And then when the split happened, I really felt kind of isolated, like, I don't— this isn't my people. I don't know what either As much as I wanted to, Kentucky never felt like home. Still doesn't. Even though I'm wearing the Louisville sweatshirt, see, today. Go Cards. They're doing a lot better. Top 25 football. Basketball team's looking good this year. Anybody wanna talk college sports, I'm your dude. Anywho, so I'm sorry, got a lot of guys on the comments today hurting through the split. Been there, done that. It sucks balls. And excuse my language, but it's hard to digest now, but things get better, they do. And if you play your cards right, you can expedite the process of getting better. With that being said, it's something you gotta go through. The pain, the hurt, the suck. We all have to go through it. And a lot of men that I talk to are basically, when you talk to 'em enough, it boils down to, hey, how can I stop hurting so much? Can we make this not suck so much? Like, no dude, you gotta go through it, man. For a lot of men, it's their very first real holy shit moment in life. First big breakup. A lot of men I talk to don't really— haven't really had to deal with like a major health scare, deaths in the family, stuff like that, you know. Thankfully, knock on wood, but this was like their first major big thing, and it's really tough to digest and wrap their head around. So, been there, done that, guys. I'm here for you. If you ever want to email me, I'll put my email in. This is probably a mistake. Should I do this? Probably get all kinds of spam for this. What the hell. Ralph.B at Help for Men. I can't see what I'm writing. Help for Men. Hope this comes across okay. Yep, that's good. That's my email. Ralph.B at Help for Men dot com. If you ever need anything, got a quick question, whatever, I'm here for you. I can point you in the right direction at least, if not help you out directly. And you could always go to helpformen.com and book one-on-one time with myself. There is a fee involved, kind of a hefty fee, be honest with you. If you want an hour of my time, it costs you, but I've been doing it for, you know, almost a decade now, helping out dudes. But if you're a member of our group, the Brotherhood, all those things that I mentioned, the discussion forums and the meetings and all that other cool stuff, Plus that coaching, if you want to chat with me one-on-one, it's a lot cheaper if you're a member. So just an incentive to join and help support our community. Let's watch it grow. We would love to have you gentlemen. Gentlemen only. No, no ladies. Sorry. Love you ladies, but we don't need you in our men's group. There are a lot of men's groups that for whatever reason open up to women and it becomes a, um, becomes a mess. We don't want to go there. It's for men only. We want men to have a safe space to talk about whatever they want to talk about. Men tend to feel not so safe when there's ladies in the room. Kind of interesting, isn't it? Okay. Anything else, guys? If not, I'm going to wrap her up here soon. HelpForMen.com. Check it out. The Dead Bedroom Fix, my most popular book, over my— oh, shitballs— over my shoulder there. That's the third edition, The Dead Bedroom Fix. Check it out. Came out in July of this year, third edition. Make sure if you're buying online it is the third edition. And I have other books including, uh, I'll put them up on the shelf there as soon as they come in. Have to order them. Um, Real Talk, No Bullshit Life Advice for Young Men. That one's, uh, right now my number two seller. That's a book, as the name implies, for young men. You got, uh, young men going through the whole getting— starting to get girl crazy and trying to navigate the world of relationships and all that fun stuff. That book's for them. Or maybe for the parents on guidelines of what to talk about with the kiddos, and there is an audiobook version of that, as well as Divorce Panic, which we've already talked about, divorcepanic.com, check it out, as well as a very quick read and quick listen to called Red Flags, all about those little things to look out for when you're in hunting for a new mate mode, looking for Mrs. Right, all the little things to keep in mind. And then Scott says, Scott.M@helpformen.com for my anxious guys. And Scott is one of our coaches and he has a program available for our neurodivergent men, a special coaching program, which I always forget the name of. Maybe that's an indicator we need to work on the name, Scott. Ram your potential? Please correct me, Scott. I could look it up right now, but I'm tired and lazy. Um, he's driving right now. Never mind. Sorry, you're gonna crash. Don't worry about it. Keep your thumbs on the wheels. But check it out, helpformen.com, our coaching. We have special programs when you become a member of the HFM Brotherhood. We have special, uh, coaching programs just for our members, for members only, including one for nice guys. Scott has one for our neurodivergent brothers out there. We got one, Jason, about to going through the process of divorce. Jason also has one for about being her lover, being your woman's lover, how to cultivate that side of you more so. Like I say, a lot of cool benefits to joining the group, and we just keep adding to it more and more. So I'm very, very proud of what we do there and very excited about the future of the group. And last month was our biggest one month of new members in the past 2 years. So pretty big. We're doing good things, ladies and germs. So if that— I think that's all for me for today. I appreciate you all. Thank you all for joining me today. I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Um, what else? I hope, uh, watch a lot of football for my American brothers out there. College— Louisville plays Stanford tomorrow. Check it out. NFL, I don't know who to go for in the NFL this year. I like Lamar, who's a former Louisville player, plays for the Baltimore Ravens now. I like the Ravens, and I like the Jets, but they suck. So sorry, Jets fans. I like Aaron Rodgers. But anyway, so hope you have a wonderful weekend, everybody. Thank you so much for joining me today. One last plug, help4men.com and the HFN Brotherhood, our private community for men only. HelpForMen.com, check it out. And once again, I appreciate all of you, and I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Yada yada, toodaloo.