Chat LIVE with Ralph (DSO)!

Hello everyone, welcome, welcome, welcome. Let me make sure everything is up and rocking and rolling and whatnot here before we get blabbing away. I'm not seeing it just yet here. Hold on a second, takes a little bit for it to go out to the masses. There I am. Yay! All right, we are good. Welcome everyone. Let's give a little bit for folks to show up here. Let me bring up comments. Where's the comments at? Comments and reactions. There we go. All right. I got everything up and going here. Let's see. We are live on Facebook. We are live on YouTube and we are alive, alive, live on Twitter or X as it's called now. So welcome everyone. Thank you for joining me today. I apologize. I am beat down like a dog. I am tired. Baby girl— I still call her baby girl even though she's not a baby, she's a, like, past, almost past toddler stage at this point, she's almost 3 years of age— woke up like, oh, I don't know, 5 times last night. She's got a bad cough. We had a thunderstorm come through because I am here in— yeehaw! Never gets old— in Texas. Anytime you see fake Yes, that's fake. Um, brick wall and window, looks like I'm in a loft downtown somewhere. That's fake, green screen. That means I'm in Texas. If you see the real, like, wooden background and stuff, that means I'm in Kentucky. I bounce between the two locations. It's a long story, just I'm about half my time in both. And, uh, so thank you all for joining me today. Uh, all right, let me make sure This is good because it shows me frozen on my Facebook. I hope that's not the case. No, looks like I'm good. Okay, cool. I just refreshed. All is good. Welcome everybody. We got a few guys joining us today. I'll give a little bit for folks, uh, for folks to pile in here. Usually I have a pretty good crowd. Um, if you are following me or if you're joining me today, joining us rather, um, please let Let me know where you're from. Say, "Hey, this is Joe from so-and-so." Would love to hear it. Always love to see where folks are at in the world. We're usually pretty good about getting folks from all over, all the way from Australia, Africa, and throughout the US and Europe. So let me know where you're joining us from. There we go. We got some more guys coming in here today. My name is Ralph Brewer Brewer, for those that don't know. You may know me as DSO, which is acronym that stands for Dad Starting Over, which is not coincidentally— coincidentally, I can't speak today, I'm very tired— the name of the organization, Dad Starting Over. You can learn more at dadstartingover.com. I've authored several books. One of them— I've authored several books on topics that are related to being a man, you know, going through the process of divorce, rediscovering yourself, thoughts on relationships and all that stuff. The books are called The Dead Bedroom Fix, Divorce Panic, Real Talk, and Red Flags. Real Talk is— doesn't sound very descriptive. That is, the subtitle is Real Talk: No Bullshit Life Advice for Young Men. That book was in response to a lot of people saying, I wish we had a book that I could give to my teenage boy. Where was this crap when I was a kid? I wish I knew a lot of this relationship-oriented stuff, stuff about girls and boys and all that other stuff. And so I wrote a book for young men. Um, but anyway, out of all those books, the one that took off and sold— this one book sold more than all the other books combined, and then some. Probably like, take all the sales from all the other books combined, multiply it by, oh, I don't know, 1,000, and that's how many of the Dead Bedroom Fix books I've sold. The Dead Bedroom Fix is by far my most popular book, and it's my thoughts on, uh, long-term relationships, marriage, and keeping things sexy. From the male perspective, because it's a very huge problem where a lot of men are like, I'm just not getting any. So I heard that again and again. I did articles on it, became popular, wrote a book on it, became super popular. That's what brings, believe it or not, a lot of people to the world of Dad Starting Over. Um, just as a teaser, we have some news coming for the future of Dad Starting Over. Not bad, all good. So stay tuned. How's that for a cliffhanger? We got Frank from Florida. Howdy do, Mr. Frank from Florida, AKA Adnor. And we have John Dallas from Seattle. How ironic. It's like Steve Cleveland from Chicago or something. I'm easily amused. He's in Seattle but grew up in Louisville, Kentucky. Well, very cool. See how I said Louisville? As the locals say. I'm not a local Kentuckian. Sorry. Nothing against local Kentuckians, but I say Louisville. I've always said Louisville. It's named for King Louis of France. It's not named after King Lulwul. You know what, you know what, what's always funny is when I go, I'm in airport like in Texas, for example, I'm at the gate and the gate agents, you know, will announce now boarding flight blah blah blah for Louisville, Kentucky, and everybody in the gate goes, oh, it's bad enough that they hear Louie, the locals don't like that, but when the person says Louis, they all lose their marbles. And inevitably, I'm not joking, a guy will The guy, he'd look around like, I got those guys. And he'll walk up to the agent and go, just so you know, it's Louisville. And the usually non-native English-speaking agent's like, I'm sorry, what? It's Louisville. What is Louisville, sir? It's like the pronunciation, it's not Louisville, it's Louisville. And so they always joke and say, now boarding flight so-and-so to Louisville. And we all laugh at this poor Indian person saying Louisville. Just a little anecdote from yours truly, folks. All right, our numbers are going up here. Welcome for those that missed it. I asked if you could please let me know where you're from. Always a good conversation starter. Mr. John, I was in Seattle quite a bit decades ago. Yes, I'm that old. When I worked for a big company that had a location in Seattle, they sent me there, I don't know, 4 or 5 times, I think. And, you know, I got to tour the Boeing facility there. There was an air show that happened there at one point. But I remember Seattle being just overwhelmed with homeless people at the time. I may have mentioned that before on one of these lives when somebody from Seattle gets on here. That's one thing I remember about San Francisco and Seattle— homeless, homeless. There's tons of homeless people and very hilly, both of them. Seattle was surprisingly hilly. Everybody knows San Francisco, you know, and the trolleys and all that stuff, and they're getting stuck on a hill and your stick shift car and all that other stuff. But Seattle's got the hills thing too. We got Jay from the D, the big D, Detroit. It's so cold in the D. Jay, welcome. Got a lot of people from Detroit in my, uh, private group. What a good segue, Jay. Thank you so much for that. Private group, what am I talking about? Um, in addition to books, in addition to the Dad Starting Over website, in addition to the— we're going up to— we'll be hitting like 1,000+ videos that are out on YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, and every TikTok. I'm not just a guy pumping out content for nothing to sell books. No, we also have a private support group for men only, and we call it the DSO Fraternity. Again, DSO stands for Dad Starting Over. We have men from all over the world in the group. We get together for private discussions in forums, which are extremely active 24/7. I can go on the forum right now, hit refresh, and I'll have like 3 new topics right away. I mean, it's just perfect. Topic after topic. Tens of thousands of topics have been started in these forums over the years, and we're now in our fourth year of being a group, by the way. And we have live Zoom meetings. We get together, myself and the coaches on the Dad Starting Over team host meetings, a variety of different topics. And if you miss a live meeting, which most people do, uh, we record them and you can listen to them. And we actually put it so that you can listen to it from your phone's podcast app, which is pretty cool. Speaking of, we also have a DSO Fraternity podcast, kind of like monologues that you can listen to. And we also have all of my books. You can download them at no additional charge if you're a member in PDF format, as well as audiobook format that you can listen to again from your phone. Pretty cool stuff. And in addition to that, we have— we get together in person. We just had— if you missed it, sorry, next year check in again. We just had our annual gathering in New Orleans, Louisiana. I've been posting photos of it on Facebook. I haven't posted any kind of montage video yet. We'll get around to that. It's going to take a while. I posted a clip clips from, uh, one of my presentations. I did technically 3 presentations. I did a presentation Friday morning, Saturday morning, and then my wife and I did a presentation, a Q&A, on Saturday afternoon, which just went very well. So I posted clips from one of my presentations on there. Be more to come. You'll see clips from other presentations. Um, in addition, other benefits to joining that group include, uh, discounts. So we do have coaching one-on-one counseling, mentoring if you will, with myself and guys on the team. That's been extremely popular. Guys love that. It seems to really expedite your self-improvement process to actually work one-on-one with a guy who's actually been in your exact shoes and, uh, he's also spoken hundreds of other dudes that have been in your shoes. It's a lot of value for a lot of men, and it's one price for the general public, and then it's roughly about half off if you're a DSO fraternity member. So for some guys, that's It's worth every penny there. And by the way, the cost of joining the group is less than a dollar a day. And if you want to pay for like a year up front, it's way less than a dollar a day. And if you want to pay for a lifetime, then you don't have to worry about any kind of payments or anything like that. You just boom, one time, and you're in for life. And we're going to continue adding to the benefits of the group. A lot of cool stuff. In addition to the coaching discounts, we also have courses that you can download on there that we've been putting together. We plan on putting more together, by the way. And again, general public, one price. DSO fraternity price? Roughly about half the price. And, um, what other benefits do we have? I think that's about it. I'm always forgetting something. It'll come to me later. But we have Mr. Richard from England. There we go, from across the pond. Welcome, Richard. Well, guys, um, do we have any questions at all? Questions, comments, could be anything going on in your life right now, could be, um, something you've seen in one of my videos. News story that's going on. Well, here's one thing I could get the ball rolling. How about this whole, um, viral thing? Did it start on TikTok, or where did it start? Where they asked, uh, women, um, all right, you pardon me if I'm butchering this, but this is what I got from hearing other people talking about it. It was, uh, let's say you're wandering alone in the woods, I think it was the scenario they gave, and, um, uh, you you're on your own, you're in the woods, and which would you rather come upon, a bear, like a wild bear in the woods, or a dude? And, uh, women, uh, made a point of saying, oh, bear, definitely, definitely the wild bear who could literally eat me alive. I'd much rather have that than the man who I don't know what he's going to do. Is he going to attack me, kill me, sexually assault me, blah blah? What a sad, oh, what's the word I'm looking for? Reflection of the current state of mind for a lot of women, number one. The fearful state of like, what's this man going to, you know, random man in public literally going to do to me? The state of the mindset, the sexual dynamics between men and women, very sad. Versus if you ask a man, most, I would say probably 99% of men would say, well, I don't wanna run into a frickin' bear, the thing's gonna eat me alive. Duh. Versus dude, I don't know, the dude may be able to help me get out of the woods, maybe help me survive. Maybe a friendly dude. He may be an asshole, but, and here's the thing, the difference is he may be a dangerous man, but at least I got a fighting chance, right? Against a bear, it's like a grizzly bear, a brown bear, for example. If you don't know bears, I love bears. I don't know why I love bears, but if you, what's it, what's the phrase? If it's black, fight back. If it's a black bear, fight back. If it's brown, lay down. Basically lay down, cover your neck, and hope for the best. And because there's running away from it, fighting it off, bear's gonna eat you. And the worst bear of all, in case you don't know, the polar bear. Holy crap, you ever run into a polar bear? I don't know why you would, whatever. Just kiss your ass goodbye because they will, you know, rip you apart basically. So pretend it's a brown bear. Brown bear versus man, I'm picking obviously man. But if you ask a woman, apparently a lot of women say, oh, I'll take my chances with a bear. How sad is that? But, uh, that opens up a whole can of worms of why are women so fearful? What is it men can do to make women less fearful? Is it our job to make women less fearful? Is there anything we could do to convince a woman, I'm a good guy, you know, be, you know, I'm better than a bear. Or are we, you know, pandering or catering to a very, uh, mentally not healthy mindset. Do we just laugh that off and go, any woman who says that, she's got problems, or maybe she's got some baggage that makes her say that, some past horrible experiences with men? God bless her, hope not, but that's not my concern as dude. Um, if she sees me as more dangerous than a bear, hate to hear it, but moving on. It's kind of how, you know, that's my, my impression anyway. Um, oh, we just lost a bunch of people. Apparently bear talk is not it. Anybody have any, uh, anything to share? Please. I do not like to sit here and listen to myself blab away. This was a last-minute live, I know. Uh, nothing planned, nothing that's been on the, uh, the events on Facebook or on YouTube for a while, so that could contribute to our low numbers here, our low turnout. Give you guys a few minutes. Chime in, please, here. Please do so. Say something. Hello. Um, again, don't like to hear myself talk. Any questions whatsoever? I'm an open book. Let's hear it. Let her rip. Anything going on in your world? Anything from one of my books, perhaps? Maybe some clarification on some stuff. Um, one thing I often hear from guys, you know, it's kind of frustrating but understandable. If you're in the world of, uh, business marketing, you hear this quite often, which is you'll put out a bunch of information, you put out your product, your service, whatever, you put your brand out there. And let's say you're a Oh, I don't know, let's say you're a landscaping company that also happens to do power washing, and you decide we need to really push this power washing thing, and you do commercials on power washing, you change your, your ad on the internet for power washing, your social media mentions power washing, you know, for the next month straight. And then you're, you know, you know, sending guys out on jobs doing landscaping work, and you tell your guys, be sure to mention the power washing thing. And the guys always come back and say the same thing. Everyone always says, oh, I didn't know you did that. And it's so frustrating for the, uh, the business owner marketing people. Like, how many more times do we have to mention it? Well, myself, I hear this kind of stuff all the time, some semblance of that. One version is, um, sometimes I'll have people just completely take one little nugget of information, like from a book or video, and just run with it and just think that's gospel. It's like, well, you missed the subsequent other pages after that little nugget of info, which further explains and further fleshes it out and, and maybe even contradicts what I said here. I may say this as an example of what not to do and then follow up and explain, but no, they'll take that nugget and just stop right there and go, you said— no dude, I didn't say that exactly thing. You completely missed the follow-up to that. You misinterpreted that. Um, one thing I will hear often from men is "Um, you know how in your book you say never to initiate sex with a woman?" And I'm like, "Who— where'd you get that from?" Basically, um, I think what we're seeing is a reflection from a lot of anxious-y guys who are very much pursuers of their woman. They're very preoccupied with the nature of the health of their relationship with the wife, and they pursue, pursue, pursue. And yes, those men need to back off because they're smothering. It's not attractive. It's, you know, constantly chasing after a woman who doesn't really want you all that much. So back off. He hears in his anxious-y mind, never ever initiate anything with your woman ever. It's like, no. And in fact, in the book I say, I answer that little blurb, I think in the frequently asked questions or something at the end. So are you saying we should never ever initiate? No. If you feel like the planets are aligned, everything is great, and you had a great time, and you've been doing a wonderful job of setting the tone in the relationship, and you're very much connected, then go for it. And if she says, oh, I'm not feeling it, that's cool, that's fine. Right? It is what it is. But a lot of men that we speak to are very rejection sensitive. They don't have that mechanism in their toolbox to say, that's cool, I understand, no biggie. No, they're just like, one in a million rejections and I'm about to lose my freaking top, or blow my freaking top, which I completely understand. You know, I think anybody would. But anyway, um, okay, here we go. Oh, Mr. Mark Collins says, um, you mentioned in a meeting about family members with autism or personality disorders. This is good stuff here. How do you cope with family members, a spouse or older kids, who won't get help? How do you cope with— let's grab that little phrase. What does that mean, Mark? Meaning the fact that you see people in your family who you think have— are on the spectrum, or they have some kind of personality disorder or something, and you're over there going, dude, You need help. I can see what's going on here. I have enough knowledge to be dangerous here, right? I'm playing armchair psychologist here, but I think, Randy, my uncle, or whatever, that I see some things in you where I go, do you ever think maybe, Randy, you're on the spectrum here? Or Randy, ADHD? Or something along those lines, right? And Randy tells you to go eff yourself. It's none of your damn business. Well, guess what? Randy's right. You said your piece. It's none of your damn business. And you just wipe your hands of it and say, "Understood." It's his brain. It's his body. It's his life. Whatever. So how do you cope with that? So him rejecting you, in essence, right, makes you go, "Ew, that didn't feel good." And he doesn't value my opinion. He's not respecting me. I'm seeing all this chaos in his life as a result of this problem that I think he has— problem, disorder, whatever— why isn't he doing something about it? That's a, um, you know, I don't know exactly how to categorize that, but it is something that I see a lot in men, and I used to see in my younger self, where I would see problem, very easy solution here, just push this button metaphorically. Um, you— I've talked about this before in another video. There is a YouTube video out there, I don't know the exact title of it, but it's basically excuse me, it's about, um, I can't remember what it's called. It's not about the nail, I think is what it's called. But basically this woman has this fake nail sticking out of her head and she's like, I feel this unrelenting pain and my sweaters keep getting snagged and all this other stuff and it just hurts. And the man's like, it could be the dumb nail in your head. And she's like, can you stop trying to fix everything? Jeez, just listen to me, emote. I just want somebody to support me, not try to fix everything all the time. Well, we men are fixers. We see problem, we're like, "Hey dummy, yank the nail out of your head." Or, "Hey, just push this button and all your problems are gone." Or, "Stop doing that." Or in your case, "You, my family member or friend, are exhibiting some possible autism spectrum kind of behavior. I've always thought that about you. Have you ever thought about this? I think that would— going to get help with it and talking to somebody about it would be a big boost to you in your personal life and in all your problems. And they tell you, what? No, get away from me. What are you talking about? Stop trying to fix me. Stop trying to— that's where you just back off and go, okay, cool. I think you need to work on your— cool kind of thing. Um, there is also a personality type, also common amongst men, where you're hearing something from somebody that is so blatantly wrong, so out in left field incorrect, that you're just like, I'm sorry, I gotta stop everything I'm doing and correct this person because they are so wrong, because I have a very close intimate knowledge of the subject matter that they're talking about here, and what they just said is wrong, wrong, wrong. They need to be corrected. I also was me for many years, my younger life, and since then I've just kind of Yeah, good for you, dude, and move on. It's not worth it. I think, um, there's a celebrity— was it Keanu Reeves or somebody— said that they developed a peace of mind later in life that when somebody comes up to them and just says, you know, 2 2 5, they just go, good for you, dude, awesome, run with that, all right, see you later. Knowing like, no matter what I do, I know they're wrong. Everybody around us knows they're wrong, but let them do their thing. That's fine. Cool, because it's not worth the hassle and the stress of trying to convince somebody, you know, putting that stress on them of, you're wrong, look at you, dummy. It's just all this, it's not worth it. So how do you cope? Back to that. In other words, how do I get rid of this anxiety that I feel when I watch my spouse and other kids and other people that won't get help? Uh, just gotta let it go, right? There's only so much you could do. Are you saying, uh, Mark, you see in your own children some possible problems? Um, what are we talking— how old are the kiddos? Are they adults now? That makes a difference, doesn't it? Because if you have a 10-year-old and you're like, hey, ex-spouse, I think this 10-year-old may have some issues, he may be on the spectrum or something, then, um, then yeah, go get some help. Talk to doctors, talk to whatever. I don't know It's a touchy subject when, because we're not talking about a life or death thing here, are we? We're not talking about a disease or a disability or an injury that needs to be attended to. We're just talking about you have a hunch, a feeling that your kid may have something going on, and then your spouse is like rolling her eyes going like, "There's nothing wrong with the kid, leave him alone. He's fine. He's just quirky, just nerdy, he's just weird. He's not autistic. Shut up, Mark, leave him alone." What do you do? None of this is life-threatening, whatever. I don't know legally if there's anything you can do. Maybe there is, I don't know. Hmm. Matthew, better to get rejected than the woman feel like you did not take initiative. That's an interesting take, Mr. Matthew. So, yeah, cross your T's, dot your I's. Hey woman, I tried. You know, it doesn't necessarily have to be the old SEX either. It could be an initiative in terms of, and I've talked to a lot of men that are like this, in terms of trying to reach and connect to said wife. So it could be, um, let's say, Wednesday, there's new movies coming out, let's go, you and me, let's get the babysitter for the kid and you and I go, we haven't gone to a movie forever. And the wife says, I don't feel comfortable leaving the kid, kids only, you know, I've heard something like this, the kid's only 8 years old, they can't be left alone with a babysitter, which by the way, that's not healthy. And the man's like, I tried. And he tries again, and he tries again, and he tries again to connect. And eventually the disconnection between he and the wife are, you know, it's too much. And you end up at some counselor's office or something. And the man just comes with a wheelbarrow, you know, a metaphorical wheelbarrow full of evidence and just dumps it in the counselor's lap and says, look at everything I've tried over the years. I've tried date, I've tried this, I've tried that, I've flowers, and I've given this, and I've tried this counseling thing. It wasn't until I brought up the old divorce that she finally agreed to the counseling thing. So yeah, it's better to say you tried and get rejected than not do anything, because I— you're right, in the end, the avoidant person in that example will turn and point to you and go, you haven't really tried. And you can say, because you keep rejecting me over the years. They say, yeah, you stopped trying years ago, so that's— it's all on you too, mister. Well, you want to cut that off the past, so to speak. Anybody else? Whereas I know Mr. Mark is from here in the DFW area. Mr. Mark, in case you didn't see it, I'm currently in Plano, hence the fake background. That's the indication that I'm in Texas. Matthew, where are you joining us from? That's an interesting last name too. I like a good interesting last name. Adnor says, would they agree to the counseling just to kick the can down the road to avoid divorce? Oh sure, absolutely. It's, uh, often when, you know, you have that one spouse— let's keep with the— I'm talking to men here mostly, but let's keep with like the avoidant wife who wants nothing to do with the husband. They're just roommates and the guy's like, what the hell, what are we even doing here? Wife, I've tried to connect with you for probably a point in years. We haven't touched each other forever. We don't do anything together. You really don't want anything to do with me. We're basically leading two separate lives. Here's a divorce agreement. I've met with an attorney. It's very fair. Have a look, you know, look over it, get your own attorney or whatever, but let's do this in a civil way. Often that is the thing that makes that person go, whoa, you're serious. Um, I don't want to break up my family. I don't want to be out on my own. I don't want to hurt the kids. Things are huge. Um, I don't want to break up this comfortable, predictable, safe life that I have to be a single mother that lets my kids down, that I now I have to worry about all these bills, everything else on my own, even if she is gainfully employed herself. Just to do all that on your own is— so when that's put right in her face, very often the people will say, I'm awake now, now I'm paying attention, which just goes to further anger the preoccupied person who's been trying to, you know, reach across the aisle for so many years. And then finally, yeah, of course, finally they wake up. You know, it took me going to an attorney to wake them up. Yeah, often that's what it takes. And they go to counseling, and you're right, it's— at Nora, it's— the counseling is not necessarily because I— and this always breaks the other person's heart— I'm here in counseling not because I love you to death and I want to keep you as my partner because I can't, I can't imagine being without you because you've been my right-hand man for all these years and love you to death, blah blah blah. No, it's usually because everything I mentioned before. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to hurt the kids. I don't like everything, you know, post-divorce. It sounds very scary to me. So sure, I'll go to counseling. That's why I'm here. And sometimes they're pretty blunt about it too, you know. They'll just sit back with their arms crossed, go, the only reason I'm here is because dipshit over here said divorce. Not good. So yeah, see that quite a bit, don't we? Um, And Adnor follows up, says, is this a true catalyst for change? Perhaps. The whole, that could be construed as the thing I often call your holy shit moment, or holy poop moment, to avoid the bad words. It is often for people, regardless of the life circumstance, that it takes the holy poop moment for them to wake up and go, time to change things. Could be, you know, um, I'm not an alcoholic, I just like to drink 8 beers a night, um, and then, and then drink 20 beers over, you know, per night over the weekend. I'm not an alcoholic, I don't have a problem. And the next thing you know, they wake— they black out and they wake up in a jail cell. That's their holy poop moment of maybe I do have a problem. Maybe my husband, wife, whatever, was right all along. Maybe my friends were— that were telling me maybe I need to Cool it, they were right. Didn't listen, didn't listen, didn't listen, didn't listen. End up in a jail cell. Finally it wakes them up. This is like the version of that, you know. Husband's pursuing, pursuing, pursuing. Oh God, he wants to go on a date. Oh God, I can't imagine sitting across the table at dinner from him. I'd much rather stay at home and read. I just want to be left alone. Why does he always have to keep mentioning this stupid stuff? No, don't touch me. No, that stuff's for newlyweds and girlfriend-boyfriend. That's not me anymore. That's not us. Just shut up and quit talking. Oh, Divorce. Okay, I'm listening now. Sometimes that's what it takes, which is ironic because we have all these preoccupied, anxious guys who take that off the table as an option. And they will sometimes preemptively tell me this in these coaching sessions that I do. Just so you know, Ralph Brewer Brewer Brewer, divorce never ever happening, so don't even mention it. Like, well, dude, this is, you know, this is Psych 101 here. You've just completely taken off, you know, there's different roads you can go down and you say, "By the way, this road's done." It's like, "Well, I guess we're going down here then. We have no choice," which is continue as is. It's not until you say, for many people, "No, I'm serious, this may come to an end," that they finally wake up. That's their holy poop moment. So you're eliminating the one thing that may be a true catalyst for change, to use Mr. Frank Adnor's verbiage here. Um, yeah, could be, or not. And what is very heartbreaking, especially for a lot of the preoccupied dudes, is you go to the wife and go, I just don't know what we're doing here. We're just ignoring the giant elephant in the room. This has been bad for years. You and I both know it's been bad for years. You refuse any kind of do anything. The only option I see here is maybe we should just shake hands and call it quits. And what's again heartbreaking for a lot of guys is they answered back back from a lot of these women is, okay. He's like, what do you mean, okay? I just threw a grenade in the room and you're just like, oh well. And it's because she's been in that mental state already for years. She was just waiting for you to pull the trigger. She didn't want to be the bad guy. She didn't want to go through all the logistics of all that. You took care of it. Great. Where do I sign? Sometimes that's what happens. And again, heartbreaking. Um, Mr. Darren says, hey brother, I guess that's for me. Well, hey brother, right back to you. Howdy do, Darren. Anything else, ladies and germs? Been about half an hour. Love the questions. Obviously I love hearing myself talk. It's part of my, uh, one of my narcissistic traits as a man, because we're all narcissists, in case you didn't know that. Sorry, that was snotty of me, but I hear that all the time. Um, by the way, just as an aside, I've done videos on this too. Narcissistic personality disorder is a formalized diagnosis. NPD, part of the Cluster B of personality disorders. You have to go to a mental health professional and sit down to be diagnosed with that. We throw that term around a little too loosely. He or she's a narcissist. Probably not. They're probably just an asshole. Assholes exist in all sizes, flavors, colors, genders, whatever. Um, so maybe we need to stop throwing that term around so loosely. It used to be borderline was thrown around a lot, and then we jumped over to narcissist. I'm not sure what the next one's going to be. Any other questions, comments, anything at all, ladies and germs? Please don't be shy. If not, I'm gonna hang it up here soon, go grab me a bite to eat. Do, do, do, do, do. DadStartingOver.com. If you're a man, do me a favor and check out the DSO fraternity, our private group. In fact, if you've been kind of, I'm thinking about joining it, but I don't know if I want to plunk down, you know, even though it's less than a dollar a day to join the thing, it's still a monthly fee. And what if I don't like it? Well, I got the solution for you, mister. I'm not in this to steal your money. I'm trying to help out some dudes. And if you think working with a bunch of like-minded dudes and talking and having discussion away from the ladies, away from the rest of society, just with a bunch of guys, hundreds of guys from all over the world just like you going through the same issues that you're going through, if you think that may help you and you may in turn be able to help them, then check out the group free for a month. I just posted the URL. It should show up here soon. It doesn't show that it's— there it is. Um, if you're on YouTube, go to the chat function on the side and you will see a link that will allow you to try our group for free for a month. Facebook, look down in the comments, you'll see the link to try it out. Says get one month free at the end of the, of the web link there. So try that out. And yes, you do have to put a credit card in because if you stay past the month, we will charge you for the next month. Um, if you're up, you know, going through the month and you're like, this just isn't for me, We understand. Cool. It's not for everybody. You're not going to hurt my feelings. Just contact us and say, I don't want to do this fraternity thing. Cool. Check. Done. We go in the system. Done. And if, you know, the one month is over and you're going into month number two and you're like, oh, I meant to cancel this and it charged me, we'll give you your money back. Don't worry about it, dude. We'll refund you, cancel your membership. You're out. Done. Right. But the reason I put this out there is most of the men who tried out for a month say, this is like nothing, this is a bargain, less than a dollar a day for all this, and I get like a support group like 24/7, and I get to do the coaching thing, and I get to do the live meetings thing for all this. Why wouldn't I do this? And they hang around for years. Usually then they say, let me do a year up front, and then they, then they say after that, can I just do the lifetime thing so I don't have to worry about keep making payments? And you know, my credit card got stolen, I don't have to worry about getting with you with a new number and all the garbage. So try it out. I think if you're watching this and you're a dude, you'll probably like it. Um, but I'm a little biased as the guy who started the group. Uh, anything else, ladies and germs? If not, I'm gonna say thank you all so very much for joining me today. I appreciate each and every one of you. This has been wonderful. Um, as always, good to see you guys from all over the world. Dad's turning over to Doc. DadStartingOver.com. Check out the website. DSO Fraternity, the private group. Check out the books, The Dad Bedroom Fix, Divorce Panic, Real Talk, and Red Flags. Always forget that last one. Red Flags is the only one that is not available in paperback version, physical version. It's an ebook only because it's a very short read. And if I were to put it in paper, it would be a little pamphlet, which is why it only costs like $4.99 for the ebook version. Good way to support yours truly. Speaking of support, if you're on Facebook or YouTube, we have a little link that will allow you to basically put to put money in the tip jar, and it comes in the form of a $4.99 tip every month. And you become a member on YouTube. We don't really have any good benefits yet. We will, you know, we'll give you like sneak peeks at new videos. We'll have a member-only chat if we get enough guys, member-only live stream. And on Facebook, uh, same kind of thing. Uh, I think it's a support or membership or something on Facebook. I don't know what's it called. Uh, subscribe, subscribe. They have it on, on YouTube as— or excuse me, on Facebook as a way to, uh, promote yours truly for $4.99 a month. So if you could do that, that'd be cool. Appreciate it. Oh, before I hang it up, folks, we got Mr. Christopher here coming in at the last second. Don't want to— don't want to ignore you here, Christopher. This is a big one. My wife is an online gamer. She had an emotional affair and then a physical affair. Ouch. I'm sorry to hear that, Christopher. Um, people on both sides of the aisle, gender aisle, Ginger? Gender aisle have seen this scenario. Um, for example, these things, the phones, they allow us very easy access to interact at a very intimate personal level with human beings from all over the world. Same thing with the online gaming. I presume she has like the headset and she could physically, physically talk. I guess she can— her voice can go out to the world. Another guy hears a voice, hey, you sound nice, and away they go, right? It doesn't take much to go from casual friendship to emotional affair, which means bodies aren't touching. And it's surprising how quick it goes from friendly chat all the way to physical for people when they click, when there's that some certain something between the two of them. It doesn't mean like they're soulmates or whatever, just at some level they click, um, to go to full-blown affair, physical, uh, doesn't take much for some people. And those people are what we call people with low boundaries. They don't have that mechanism in place to say, hey, Bob from Illinois, it was great chatting with you, but just let you know I'm married and I don't really feel comfortable with this. So hey, have a good one. Sounds very adult, but that's very difficult for a lot of people. This isn't a slam against the ladies, but it tends to be more difficult for them, not because they're more prone to cheat That's not what I mean. Because they tend to be a personality trait, it's called agreeableness. Women tend to be more agreeable than men. One example that I often give— apologize if you've heard this a few hundred times— is woman's in the office, some co-worker or maybe even a higher-up comes up behind her and gives her the old massage on the shoulders, and she tenses up like, whoa, what's this? But does she turn to the guy and go, hey buddy, don't do that? "Okay, that's weird, it's creepy, it's ugh, I don't like it." No. Why? Because she doesn't want to come across as a bitch. She doesn't want to come across as being not part of the team. She doesn't want to cause a stir. She doesn't want to cause a scene. Maybe it's her immediate boss and she's like, "I don't want to tick him off. I may not get that promotion next week." You know, all these things going through your head. So she's just like, "Heh heh," and just lets it go and that's it. When in fact she should say, "If you do that again, I'll have to go to HR and then your ass is going to be fired. Please don't do that again." That's a very disagreeable thing, and a lot of women have a very difficult time with that, but that's putting up a boundary. Where that bites her in the butt later is when maybe her husband knows somebody that works with wife, and they're like, hey dude, do you know that your wife gets like massages from, from Dave at work, um, every day? Sometimes multiple times a day, I'll walk, you know, walk by her cubicle and he's like behind her standing there massaging her shoulders and she never says anything. And husband's like, oh really? Good to know. And he goes to wife and goes, why don't you tell me about Dave, your massage buddy at work? And I don't, I don't like it. I didn't mean it to. And I just— why didn't you tell Dave to beat it? Why didn't you tell him, hey, if you do that again, I'll chop your hands off? Well, I don't want to cause a scene. Low boundaries. And that can, believe it or not, lead to like a legitimate thing between her and Dave if the planets are aligned right and he's nice enough, I guess. Let's go do coffee. Sure. And away you go. Um, we men and women both need to practice the old boundaries thing or we can get our butts in trouble really easily. We have a lot of tools at our disposal, phone, this computer, whatever, that allows me to very quickly and easily reach out and talk to other people. And you can get your butt in trouble real fast. And it sounds like your wife is one of those that doesn't have that mechanism, that tool in her toolbox to say, "Errt, no." And that doesn't bode well for a long-term monogamous relationship. She was swept away pretty easily by somebody who she clicked with on an online game of all things. So if she was that easily, what's the word, wooed, pulled away, if you will, by somebody. She's like, hey, you sound nice, and away she went. Doesn't bode well for the future of the relationship, unfortunately. Um, so in a way, I guess you could look at it, Christopher, as kind of a gift. Hey, thanks for showing me just how easily you're pulled away. I wish you all the best. Hope you and other online gamer guy have a, have a good life together. But you and I, this ain't gonna work. Easier said than done, right? From a guy like me who's probably thousands of miles away from you and or at least hundreds of miles away from you and away from your situation. Very easy for me to say, that's what we all say, but when it hits us in our relationship, in our lives, it's a little bit more difficult, isn't it, to walk away? So, um, wish you all the best, hope it works out for you. Mr. William from Malawi, well, welcome Mr. William from Malawi on Facebook. Um, guys, is there anything else? Thank you, Christopher, for the last, uh Last second, um, question there, but, um, glad I got you in. Anybody else before we hang her up? DadStartingOver.com, DSO fraternity, our men's group. Check it out. I just posted the link for one month for free. Please give that a shot or put some money in the tip jar on Facebook and YouTube. Help support the cause. Believe it or not, I have a pretty big nut to cover every month to keep this Dad Starting Over thing going. All the coaches, our online Support group, all the videos, the books, the promoting this, promoting that, it all costs money. And, uh, thanks to good folks like you, we can keep it going and keep growing and growing. Uh, nobody's getting rich off this, to tell you that much. Would love to one day, it hasn't happened yet. Um, but, uh, but we're able to reach and help out a lot of, a lot of men. And it's like in that we just had our annual gathering I mentioned earlier in this, uh, that we call Bro Fest. We just had our 4th annual gathering amongst our members in New Orleans. And that really, when you press the flesh, so to speak, and get to see people in person and talk to them and see how much your work affects them and how much they affect you in, in return, it just makes this all a very real thing. You realize we're not talking about little two-dimensional pictures on a computer screen here or whatever, voices over on our live meetings. These are real living, breathing human beings that we get to— we get to help each other. That's huge, and it really means a lot to me. So thank you all very much. Who, uh, if any of you have joined in our group or supported in some way, means a great deal to me and to all the guys that, uh, you've— you have helped. So thank you. If there's nothing else, ladies and germs, going once, twice, three times, no? If not, I'm gonna say thank you all very much. It was a pleasure seeing all of you once again, and I hope you have a wonderful rest of your, well, weekend. The weekend is here. It's Friday. Notice I had to look, squint. I never realize what day it is. All right. Thanks, guys. You have a good one. Take care.