Chat LIVE with Ralph (DSO)!

Chat with Ralph, it's the place to be.

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Bald as the moon but full of tea.

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Divorce debates and cheating confessions. Sexless nights and awkward questions. Oh, Chat with Ralph, it's 11:30. Grab a seat, tune in for the gaffs. Bald and bold, spilling the truth. Get ready folks, here's your proof. Got no hair but I got the flair. Marriage drama, we lay it bare. It's a spicy stew. Pour a cup, let's talk it through. So join the fun, don't miss a thing. Chat with Ralph Brewer, secrets swing. Bald is beautiful, and that's a fact. Now hit that stream, it's time to act!

Hello everyone, welcome once again to yet another edition of Live Chat with Raffalito. It's me, by the way. I'm Ralph, aka DSO, aka Dad Starting Over. I have been creating content under the Dad Starting Over name for, shoot, like over 10 years now. It's not saying that out loud, but, uh, some of you know me from books I have written The most popular book I've ever written is a book called The Dead Bedroom Fix. Just like the name sounds, dead bedroom. It's about all about sexless marriages and all that stuff and my thoughts on the matter. That book really took off and it has sold hundreds of thousands of copies and it's had 3 different editions. 3, I can't put my fingers at 3 different editions. Um, and that's how a lot of people know me is from that book, The Dead Bedroom Fix, but I've written 5 books in total. My most recent book is one called Rebuild. Do I have a little thingy for that? Yes, I do. It's, uh, you can learn more at readrebuild.com. It's for men that are kind of hitting the old reset button in life, saying like, this isn't what I planned. You know, wife cheating on me and divorce me, not what I planned. Um, office, your employer saying see you later, we don't want you anymore, not what I planned. So what the hell am I supposed to do now? I don't know who I am. What, what do I want? Um, what am I supposed to do with all this? This is all, you know, not in the, not in the plans for me as a dude. So that's what that book is all about. Readrebuild.com, check it out. But if you would like to learn more about everything that I do and all that fun stuff, all that fun stuff, excuse me, can't talk today. Help4men.com is the main website. Help4men.com, you can learn all about me, my organization Help for Men, what we do, as well as the The Brotherhood, our private support community for men only. Yes, there is a fee to join said Brotherhood, and that's for a good reason. When you put something behind a, um, a paywall, so to speak, you tend to have a better quality user, I'm sorry to say. If you just open this thing up to the whole world and say, come on in, it's just a total shit show. But as soon as you put money and then you put some real— oh, um a real team behind it to make sure it's all run properly. And we have private forums, we have live Zoom meetings. We have to have guys that run the live Zoom meetings, myself and others, as well as guys that monitor and— what's the word I'm looking for— moderate the, the forums, make sure there's no hanky-panky going on in there. And then we have our in-person gatherings. We have a conference in the US as well as one in Australia. We have all my books at no additional charge. If you're an audio guy, you're going to love the audio. It's included. It's like 1,600 at this point, maybe even 1,700 hours of audio for members to listen to. All kinds of good stuff. And you can learn more at helpformen.com/join. Let me put that in the, uh, comments here so you guys can just click on it. Shall I? Can't type today. There we go. Helpformen.com/join. Would love to see you guys. Small group here to start with. I did not announce this because it wasn't planned. I don't know how my schedule is this week. Most weeks I know It's not very businesslike of me to not have a regimented schedule, but hey, I got kids, wife, work, all that good stuff. So please bear with me here. An error occurred. Wait a moment and try again. It said that last time I was on here, but yet it went through. helpformen.com/join. Hope that went through. Okay, cool. It's giving me an error and I don't know why. Um, but what I typically do with these is if we get some guys showing up here, which we don't have a whole lot to start with, my fault, didn't announce this. Oh well. Um, as I open it up to questions and comments from you guys, saying, got anything you'd like to ask yours truly, story you would like to share, maybe a question on something that I have created video-wise, article-wise, book-wise, whatever it is, ask away. Bald Man live here for you to chat with. Please join me today, would love to chat with you. What else you got going on here today? I got all kinds of cool stuff here that I have not Oh, I can do online polls. How does that work if I give you a poll? Hmm, maybe next time. I have to figure that one out. And then a QR code. I don't really have a QR code. I guess I could— what do you create, a QR code that goes on the screen? I know this is riveting live entertainment here, folks, but, uh, got some new stuff here. We don't have a whole hell of a lot of people joining us yet here today. For those of you that are coming in, do me a big fat honking favor, please. Click on like, click on share, give me a follow, give me a subscribe, however the hell it works wherever you're at. That helps me out a lot. Thank you very much, I would appreciate that. Uh, let me see what else I got here. One more, please. Skilly bopadoo. Oh, all right, cool. All right. Messing with some style here and stuff, make sure everything looks good. Okay, um, guys, uh, again, as always, I am here to answer any and all questions you may have for yours truly. Do not be shy, do not hesitate, uh, no matter how embarrassing your story or whatever it may be, I've probably heard it before. I mean, I run a support community for men where we talk all about, uh, embarrassing, not so nice stuff that has happening to us in our lives. So, uh, I've heard it all. So don't be shy, don't be embarrassed asking any questions that you may have, anything at all. HelpForMen.com is my website, uh, the Brotherhood. HelpForMen.com/join. I put it there in the comments. Uh, anything else we got going on here today? Our, um, Brotherhood group, we have started something new within the group. It's kind of cool. We're offering services in terms of financial support or advice, it's— I shouldn't say we, our organization has teamed up with another organization called Wealth Battle that you can learn more about. Wealth Battle, battle like in war, you know. So if you would like to learn more about budgeting, getting your money together and so forth, check out wealthbattle.com. In fact, I believe we have a special link here. One moment, please. Yeah, go to wealthbattle.com/helpformen. Here, I'll share it here. Go back to my other screen here. Yeah, check it out. We got a special deal for Help for Men followers, Help for Men, our brotherhood members. wealthbattle.com/helpformen. We're putting on free seminars for our members of our group. We're doing one a week here, and then they have a special service that you can pay for that helps you with your budgeting and getting your money in order. Because that's a huge issue that we have with a lot of guys out there, is that, you know, we're talking about the relationship stuff and the dating stuff and the sex and all that other stuff, which just seems to keep the, keep the money coming in. Guys love to talk about that. But what's equally important is, well, things like fitness, physical fitness, which we talk about a lot in the Brotherhood. We have a Coach Vance in our group who is in charge of that. And then now we are talking about, um, keeping your money, making more of it with budgeting and all that fun stuff. So check it out there, Wealth Battle. And join us in the Brotherhood if you would like to join us in some free seminars all about that. And the Brotherhood's at help4men.com/join. We're trying to add more and more stuff to the Brotherhood to help guys out. We, um, we're doing really good this week. I think so far this week we have 26 guys who have signed up so far. Far, or this week, I mean this month rather, excuse me. Um, that's pretty good for us. That's over one a day, which is good for us. So, um, you know, we usually have around 1 to 2 new guys, uh, every day that join the group. And those are guys from all over the world. We've had a lot of international dudes here lately from the UK. Sweden, for whatever reason, is popular with us. So, uh, check it out, the Brotherhood, help4men.com. Guys, it's still, uh, not, not a whole heck of a lot of you joining me here today, which is fine, no biggie. Welcome to all of you who have joined live on Instagram. Um, for you guys that are watching on Instagram, put the word free in there and the system will automatically send you a free copy of The Dead Bedroom Fix. In fact, one moment please. That's your hold music for today. All right, here we go. For the rest of you guys, check it out, put in the comments here. Let me preface this with— oh, shitballs— free book. There you go. Click on that link, the rest of you guys there, and that will give you a little form that you can fill out to get a free copy of The Dead Bedroom Fix, my most popular book I've ever done, most popular thing I've ever done, period. I mean, I've done a lot of work in my life, a lot of creative things, and I've worked a shit ton on a lot of different books and videos and courses and all One thing stands above them all, and that's the book The Dead Bedroom Fix. And you can finally see why if you haven't yet, at no charge to you, uh, $0.00. So click on that little link there in the comments and you will get a free copy of The Dead Bedroom Fix. And for the Instagram guys who I'm not able to give you clickable links for whatever reason— why do they do that anyway? Um, if you comment, uh, free, then the system will automatically send you a DM which will have this link that I'm talking about here, so not to leave you guys out. All right, we got some guys coming in here today. Welcome everyone, welcome joining me live here. Ralph Brewer, DSO, help4men.com, Dad Starting Over is my name across all the social media. Been making some real inroads— is that the right term, inroads? It doesn't sound right. I've been, um, I've been getting a lot more likes and follows and so forth on X or Twitter. So I am— oh yeah, this is going out live on Twitter or X as well. So welcome guys on X, thank you so much for joining me today. Unfortunately, you're not able to leave comments and so forth on on X live streams. Maybe they'll change that in the future, but as of now, nope, sorry, you just have to sit back and watch yours truly. But you can always, um, you know, go to helpformen.com, check out the website there on the Brotherhood there. But, um, I had a video last week that hit, um, a million views. How cool is that? So on X, so there's an audience for my stuff there. Never been able to really crack that until basically last week, so it's going well. So that's pretty cool. And my, uh, my follower count doubled to a whopping 4,000 people on Got a ways to go still, but we're getting there, reaching more and more people. Uh, Facebook is currently pissing me off. They have decided that I am not worth monetizing anymore. For those that are not familiar with the whole world of monetization on social media, or Facebook in particular, like how it works on Facebook is, is you, you elect to monetize your page or pages, your accounts, and then, um Every time you post to something, the more people that click it, share it, comment on it, Facebook says, good job, here's a, here's a little bit of money, here's a few pennies. You do that again and again and again. Some of them you can get hundreds of dollars in a post, or for some of you really big people out there— I'm not one of them— thousands of dollars in a post, you know, if it goes out to millions and millions of people. And there's advertising dollars that, you know, average little ads that show up and stuff, and if people click on them, you get a few pennies there, and it adds up. And, um I mean, it was making decent money there every month. And then for probably the— I don't know how many times they've done this now, 6 or 7 times now— Facebook just says you're not worthy of getting paid anymore. You're like, what the hell? What happened? Because that's a nice little chunk of money to have every month. And so you appeal it, and sometimes they come back right away and say, okay, our bad, yeah, that was just some automated thing, sorry about that. But lately it's been like, nope, we uphold our appeal, we uphold our, uh, whatever violations that we think you've, you've made. And you, when you appeal it and go, what were my violations exactly? They never have an answer. Well, here's our, our, um, code of conduct and, and our user manual for how to be a good Facebook person. It's like, okay, there's, you know, 20,000 pages of stuff. What exactly did I do? They never have an answer. And so, uh, you appeal and appeal again, and then eventually they say, oops, our bad, and they give it back to you. That's what's happened to me so many times. Just happened again. So currently I'm in the whole process of going to Facebook support. Hey, dipshits, you took and didn't— you know, you took off my monetization again. They told me to wait 48 hours because it may fix itself, and now today at 5 PM is the, is the 48-hour mark. So then I'm sure it won't be fixed and I'll have to go back and say, guys, and I'll start that whole process. So what helps on Facebook is, if you're watching this on Facebook, couple different accounts just for reasons just like this. Who knows when someday I may get banned or whatever. Is that I'm either on Dad Starting Over is the, um, name there on Facebook, or Real Help for Men is the other name. So if you do a search and you see the bald head, you're like, oh yeah, I'm in the right place. Give me a subscribe or a follow or whatever the hell they call it on Facebook. That helps. And if you see me pop up on your little thingy, give me a like. That also helps. So thank you so very much. Yeah, our numbers have just tripled here as far as people watching us. So welcome everybody. Appreciate you. Um, Twitter, I've had a few videos here recently that I've done well. Um, I've had some Twitter videos that have hit the million, so that's kind of cool. Uh, YouTube, I think the most I've ever done on there was like a half mil as far as viewers are concerned on one video. Um, so I've never like super viral status on there, but it's tough. Um, uh, what do they do? Fight for Better Now says, when they do that Do they give you back pay for the time that they demonetized you? Oh no, no, no, they're just like, hey buddy, uh, like if— like I have been demonetized for like 3 months before while I waited on an appeal to be looked at and everything else. Like the levels of appeals on Facebook is they basically— their AI-driven automation says something that you said here recently is bad, so you— they smack you on the butt and say, bad Ralphie. And you're like, well, here, let me click on the button to appeal that. And then they re-look at things with their automation all over again. And then sometimes the automation comes back, says, our bad, sorry about that. Or the automation immediately comes back, says, no, no, we're going to uphold the whole demonetization. From that point, you have to appeal to a group of human beings, and you have to fill out a whole form and submit and type your reason why. It's just a whole shit show. I did that last time, and then that took 3 months for them to get back and say 'Our bad, you're monetized again.' So I hope I don't have to go through that again. But your question is, during that 3 months I had, you know, content that was hitting millions of people. No, they didn't go back and say, 'Here's the thousands of dollars we owe you.' Oh no, no, they just say, 'Now you're able to make money again. Yay, you!' I'm like, 'Great, wonderful, thanks.' And do they pay you the $8 grand that they owed me? No, not at all. So good question, uh, but you know what, I— they don't have to pay me anything. It's not like I deserve it and it's my right to get— no, it's totally there. They're being nice to say thank you for posting stuff that people like, here's some money. That's— I never looked at it as a something that I am, you know, it's my right to have, damn it. No, it's a privilege to be on their little platform. And if they don't like me, they don't like me, and we'll just go somewhere else, which is what I'm doing via all these other platforms that hopefully will, you know, continue to pay off. We'll see. Um, YouTube has a similar setup. You know, thanks for posting, here's some money. I have yet to find a way to make that any kind of anything close to lucrative. Um, to make— to put it simply, I don't make a whole hell of a lot on there. Um, TikTok, since I'm a business, I don't make anything directly. It's just people that find me, you know, through join and become members and buy books because of that indirect— same thing with X. I have yet to make a penny on X. Um, and then Fight says it sounds like a scam that they're running to avoid paying their content creators. That's a very conspiratorial male take on that, Mr. Fight. A lot of guys are very conspiratorial. This is— there is a scam, there is no— or they're dumb stupid algorithm, they're dumb AI system picked up on something that I said, probably the word porn. I'm gonna say it here and they don't like that word, who gives a shit, or sex or something that I posted that they don't like, and they've seen it multiple times. They're like, this must be bad. Um, I've shared the story before. It was so funny. I took a screenshot of a post that a man made on Reddit, and in the Reddit post he said, guys, I think I have found a solution to my sexless marriage, and I'm running a risk by describing it here verbally, so I'm going to try and tap dance around it because I don't want their algorithm to pick it up all over again. But basically he said, um, I fork over money to my spouse in exchange for us, you know. And he goes, hey, the system works. She's happy, she gets money. I'm happy, I get my need met. Isn't this great? And I took a screenshot of his post and put it on my Facebook page and said, guys, this is no way to resolve the situation. This is, this is not good. Don't do this. Facebook saw the text message of this guy's post and said, what you're doing is you're trying to solicit for sex. I was like, what? No, I'm sharing this guy's story. Like, look at this. And I appealed and immediately came back, said, nope, you're soliciting for sex, you have been removed from monetization forever. I was like, oh Jesus Christ. So that's how I had to do the whole appeal thing and all that other stuff. Uh, anyway, enough about that. You guys don't come here for that kind of stuff. Uh, we have a guy who has a string of numbers and letters as his name: 0BM01-C3H. Does that mean something? Is that like some kind of— am I missing some kind of— am I not cool enough to understand what that means? Is it something backwards? Is it right? Anyway, he asks from YouTube, he says, what do you think about a 1-year dead bedroom when the wife is depressed and she is receiving medical treatment, yet all emotional and physical connection has been lost? Should a man leave? Well, no, I mean, every little situation is different. I mean There is something about, for better or for worse, right? There is something about vows. She's a human being. Sounds like she's going through a rough patch. What if she had cancer? What if she had a debilitating injury and she's, you know, in a body cast or something like that? Are you going to be standing over here going, goddamn it, woman, I have needs? So now here's the thing with the emotional mental stuff— depression, anxiety, and so forth— what we often see, unfortunately, men and women alike, is that their loved one will say, are you okay? This is not good. You've been sitting on the couch all day. You've been laying on the bed all day. You're not getting up and doing stuff. You're not going to the gym. You're not exercising. You're not bathing. You're not taking care of yourself. Let's go. And often the affected spouse says, go f yourself, leave me alone. I want to be miserable. It's my deal. If you don't like it, tough. Then you go, there's only so much I can do. I'm trying to help this person, you know. Maybe try a few more times, like I found somebody you can go talk to. Let's go, we can go together. I found this book, let's talk. Eventually you got to say, look, you're about to lose your spouse, husband, wife, whatever, if you don't get off your ass and do something with your— this is no way to go through life. This is not a relationship. This is wildly unhealthy and dysfunctional. Let's get to work. I'm willing to help you and be patient with you, but I need to see something here. That's cool. But what you're saying is she is, uh, depressed and receiving medical treatment. So she's putting in the work. Uh, is this look like there's no end in sight type of thing? Is she like, woe is me, this is just me from now on, just deal with it, dude? You know, you run the risk of sounding like a cold asshole in these things, but there is a personality type— again, it's not a gender thing— that, um, they make their depression, they make their anxiety, they make, they make that their whole persona. Victimhood basically becomes their new personality, and anything that goes against that victimhood is just instantly— they don't like it. So when somebody says, you know, you don't have to be this way, they're like, this is the only way I know how to be. Go F yourself, you're terrible, you're awful, you're all gonna— yeah. And you're just like, what the hell, man? Like, and there's no way to get past that for a lot of those people. It's not until they lose their family, lose their job, lose everything else, that finally they go, okay, maybe I need to yank my head out of my ass and stop being a victim and put in the work. Sleep right, eat right, exercise, get, you know, leave the phone apps alone and leave the pot smoking and vaping and whatever. They could leave that all alone and just restart. Then they can have healthy relationships and everything else. But until then, they're just kind of stuck in the mud, so to speak. We see that quite a bit with the guys that I work with, with their wives. There is a cohort of women out there that have, um, a lot of mental and emotional distress, anxiety out the wazoo. When you talk to them, probably their mom is the same. Again, not a gender thing, it's just something I see. Don't shoot the messenger here. So, um, what often corresponds to a lot of mental and emotional issues is things like, uh are things— excuse me— like autoimmune issues or a lot of kind of mystery ailments. Like, I have fibromyalgia, which is basically my body hurts and the doctors can't figure out why because it's up here. And by the way, this doesn't mean you're nuts. It means the power of the mind over the body, it's insane. You get a person who goes through extreme stress, suddenly the rheumatoid arthritis flares up, suddenly their Hashimoto's disorder goes into overdrive, their autoimmune system, their body just starts attacking attacking itself, and they have all kinds of issues, and it all starts from stress, uh, depression, anxiety that they're under. It could be some horrible life event. We have seen people that, uh, God forbid, like, lose a child— the child passes away— and it's no coincidence that shortly thereafter they get certain types of cancers and autoimmune things and stuff. The body just shuts down, and you don't realize how much your immune system is at play here and how much your mental health affects everything. And for a lot of guys that I talk to, that's their woman's situation. Unfortunately, she's— she needs a lot of help. But again, unfortunately, we have this victimhood mentality. There's nothing anybody can do for me. The doctors don't understand me. It's like, no, the doctors understand. It's just that you don't want to hear what it is they have to say. Because she goes to the doctor and the doctor says, you got to lose about 60 pounds. And right away she's like, you're shaming me for being overweight. It's like, no, it's just that excess fat, it causes a whole bunch of other issues. And you're not sleeping right, and that causes other issues, and you're eating like shit, and that causes issues, and you're not moving your body, and you're not exercising, that causes issues. Do all these things and then come back to me in 6, 7 months. Let's see how you feel. And the women are like, you're just shaming me, you're a sexist, you're awful, you're terrible. What I need is some kind of medication. People need to take me seriously. Well, it's like, goddamn, um, it's tough. And then we have Mr. Obm01. He says, she told me to go and find elsewhere. What she cannot give me. And she said that she does not want sex. Maybe she is asexual, but instead of saying so directly, she gives me many different excuses. Uh, I eventually went to see a psychologist, and she told me that if I stay in this situation much longer, I may become depressed myself. Well, my friend, I mean, let's pretend that she doesn't have any kind of ailment. Let's take that off the table. It's not fair, but just to paint a picture here, um, she just flatly comes up to you and says, dude, OBM01, I love you, but here's the deal. I don't want anything to do with you in that way ever again, like sexually, romantically. It's a com— you know, usually they say it's not you, it's me. Maybe she says like, it's a combination of me and you. Whatever it is, dude, we're done in that way. If you want to remain as roommates or whatever, that's cool, you know, raise the kids in their house and whatever you got going on, but As far as you and I are concerned romantically, we're done, dude. When somebody says that to you, you just say, message received, and you back the F off. And you go, I gotcha. And you leave them because they have dumped you. For them to say you can stay around if you want and pay the bills and be my partner, and that's insulting. And they're banking on you being a very insecure individual. That's what your psychologist is saying. You stay in this kind of unhealthy relationship, dude, it's gonna kill you. It's not good. You're gonna be depressed, you're gonna— or worse, man. You gotta get out of this nonsense. And the big question you need to ask yourself is one that I say to a lot of guys: what is it about you that causes you to get with a person like this? But in fairness, she may have not always been like this, or not this bad anyway. And, um, causes— what causes you to hang on in spite of them so bluntly rejecting you? When somebody dumps you, man, you just walk away. You go, I got it, message received. And you grieve, you cry, you're a human being, right? But you realize it's time to move on, brother. Um, and I'm— I and others are here to help you. You can, you know, join our support community. We have other guys that have— to say that this is, um, an unusual circumstance you're in, it would be a lie. It's— I hear this quite a bit. The whole concept of, dude, just get away from me, go get it somewhere else. And heard that quite a bit too. I recently did a video on that. Every little situation is different, but based upon what you're saying, you know, combined with the depression and all, it's not good. Um, we got Joey from Facebook saying, hi Ralph, I hope you're doing well beyond the Facebook BS. I had a random question. I feel like I'm getting a bit jaded about relationships when I don't want to be. After the ex-wife monkey branched away from me, I see the red flags in women that I date a mile away. I have also been doing a deep dive in psychology and biology, learning about limerence and how relationship love is conditional, grasping modern social norms, etc. The more I learn from a centrist perspective, the more I feel like I'm losing. Um, and then you say, dot, dot, dot, losing. Is there more to that I'm not seeing? Uh, that's all I see right there. So Um, in, in general, uh, I guess you're kind of going through some, some growing pains here, and you're seeing that maybe, maybe a nicer— nicer? Not as jaded way of looking at this, a more constructive way of looking at this— there's a good word— is, Mr. Joey, maybe it is that you have a type. Maybe that you're attracted to an attractine. A certain type of individual that's really not good. Maybe you are missing some early signs that would stop you right at the pass and go, no. Or maybe that's what you're talking about. Maybe like you're very first getting to know them online, or you're meeting them in person, you're like, goddamn, another nut bagel. Let's be honest, there are a lot of nutty people out there, dude. It ain't a man-woman thing. I mean, you go talk to women that do the online dating thing and holy shit, brace yourself for the stories. It's like, this guy did this, that's that. Message number 2, he sent me a picture of his genitalia. I was like, what the hell? I mean, it's nuts, right? And so guys, trust me, I've heard it all, man. Had the same kind of thing, like, what is with these nut jobs? Well, let's be honest here, especially after— at a certain age, when you go into the dating market, who is there? People that have been rejected, people that have been dumped, people that never had any luck with relationships, or the few people that are just like, you know, I tried out with this guy or gal and it didn't quite work, and I've learned a lot from it though, and I'm willing to 'Based on everything I've learned, make this— have another go at it and try to do a healthy relationship.' Looking just for people to hang out with and have fun doesn't necessarily have to go in the romantic, whatever their flavor of it is, right? But they're out there. But it's just the fact that a lot of you guys aren't finding them, and you're like, 'This is— this sucks. This is tough, and I'm getting jaded in the process.' Well, is you being jaded by the whole process— is that illustrative of you putting too much weight on the relationship game to begin with. Um, the guys that I have seen that have been really successful at it, they're not super intentional about it. And that's kind of counterintuitive. You would think somebody should be very intentional and very research-heavy, and they know exactly what they want, they're not going to veer from it, and this is the kind of woman I need, and blah blah blah, and this is the kind of— this is how I'm going to go about finding them, and, you know, on and on and on. They make it like a project. They tend to be, uh, a little neurotic, a little over-invested in the whole process, and they take it too hard. And every time there's a little blip in the radar, so to speak, of negativity, they're like, goddamn it, all this work and nothing, and here we go, another nut job. Versus the guy who has a real sense of abundance about himself— that's a term I use a lot— and he's like, uh, you know, I'm— I put myself out on the dating apps, on the Tinders and the this and that, or whatever they are now. Bumble's one I hear a lot about. It's been years since I've been on there. Um, and, uh, if, if I get a click or a like or two, it's cool, no biggie. And he's like the guy that's like, oh, I haven't checked my profile in a week. Oh shit, I got 5 messages, cool. That guy versus the guy who's on there camped out on the Bumble and refresh, refresh. Different mentality. And I'm telling you guys, the one that has the abundance that doesn't take it so goddamn seriously is the one who has the most luck. He's the one who tends to— he's really quick also about, uh, what's the term slow hire and quick fire. Man, when he sees the— oh, you like— you have this opposing political view, or you, you smoke, or you whatever it may be— just like, see you, bye. And no animosity, no anger. He just realizes, not a good match for me. Oh well, wish her all the best. She's cool, but not for me in that way. People that have like a sense of scarcity see the get that negative feedback and they just— it just destroys them. So when he sees a woman and she's perfect and everything's great and, oh shit, she smokes, now I have to dump her— if that sounds oddly specific, I had to go through that— um, that's not a big deal to the abundance guy. To Mr. Scarcity Guy, god damn it, another fucking— and he gets just pissed off. Maybe we see a little bit of that in you, Mr. Joey. In other words, lighten up a little bit. It's no biggie. Have fun with it, man. So she may not be the next wife material. She may be a good friend. It's okay to have female friends. Just, you know, don't take it too far and start buying them everything under the sun and taking them out to dinner every Friday and wasting— being their, uh, what's the term— their emotional you-know-what. And anyway, just, uh, don't be Mr. Nice Guy and be walked all over. But it's okay to Just get out there, have fun with the situation, and by my estimation, you're more apt to find Mrs. Right if you want to. You don't have to, by the way. Um, Fight for Better Now says, after the 30-day mark of no intimacy, your relationship is dead on the vine. No, the incest taboo kicks in. It's kind of an extreme there. If you don't have sex for 30 days, you're my brother. No, no, there are a lot of reasons why people won't have sex in a 30-day mark. Again, I'm not being argumentative here. Let's just look at very real scenarios. She just had a child, short 4 weeks, you know, double, triple that for most people to be able to physically do the act again, or emotionally do the act with hormones and everything else, all the way to things like illness, uh, all the way to things like depressive episodes, to logistically it just doesn't work because we're traveling here and there and whatever it may be, right? Take care of an elderly parent, things that are really stressful and take a lot of your time. And yeah, there are— 30 days can go by pretty fast, and then you realize, oh shit, we haven't done the deed. It's not like you go to the wife and she goes, I'm sorry, dude, you should have got me at day 29 because day 30 has hit and the incest taboo or whatever has set in. It's like, oh no, I missed my chance. And no, dude, every little situation is different. Um, build your confidence through competence. Very good. Um, all right guys, pretty soon here I need to leave. Gotta go pick up my son from his basketball camp. Uh, we have anybody from North Dallas, Texas area in Frisco? Anyone? No? Okay, that's where I'm at right now. Just curious. Go pick up my boy from the Frisco High School basketball camp. He's loving it. He's got just today and tomorrow and he's all done with that. Then he's got jiu-jitsu and keeping this boy busy over the summer. He's not gonna be sitting around playing video games all day. For those that don't know, I have a— I guess what do you call 100% primary custody of my, um 14-year-old boy. My other two kids from marriage number one are adults and out of the house, and, uh, one's in grad school, one's an undergrad sophomore in college. My oldest boy wrestles in college. My oldest daughter is, uh, 22 years of age going into grad school. So I got them all over the place, all the way down to a 4-year-old, soon to be 5 here next month. Uh, here soon, less than a month, she'll be 5 years of age. So I keep them busy. Uh, what if I said it's a deal breaker last July if it doesn't change? It's been 3 times in the last year and nothing since September. I think the only thing left is to leave at this point. Oh, so you're talking about— sorry, kind of brain fart there— so you're talking about sex. So, um, you said last July, if this doesn't change, I'm out of here. Well, dude, so it's been last July, right? Um, intimacy, not sex. So Uh, you know, there's a lot of guys that go, gosh darn it, and they put their foot down and go, this is it, wife, this is the final talk we're having on this. And then a year goes by, it's like, so much for the final talk. Um, your words don't mean dick if it's you say and then nothing changes and then you're like still here. I'm not saying that to be an asshole, I'm just saying that goes with a lot of things in life, you know. Same thing at work. Boss, if I don't get a raise, I'm out of here. And then he's like, sorry, I can't give you a raise, and you're like, well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow, then your word means nothing. Um, people around you need to know that your word means something, that you have boundaries, that you have a certain code of conduct. And if your wife is just like, leave me the hell alone, you're like, yeah, this isn't healthy, we can't go on like this, I'm sorry. And she's like, yeah, or what? Or I'm going to pretend we never had this talk and I'll see you next year. That's not— it's not how that works, man. So yeah, it's time to put your foot down and say, I told you This is a phrase that I often use that for whatever reason really gets under the skin of people, but that's the reason. It kind of wakes you up. "Wife, the dynamic that we have between us is weird." That's a strong term. "It's really weird between us. Married people aren't like not supposed to touch each other and not talk about this kind of stuff and not have any kind of romantic relationship. That's just weird." What's going on with you, wife? Why would you want to live like that? Do you find that normal? In essence, what's wrong with you, woman? Not very nice, but sometimes that gets the ball rolling, and then you can, you know, be ready for some real feedback. Then you may get some stuff come back to say, she's got a point, I am kind of a dick when it comes to this and this, or yeah, I could see where she has some resentment because I cheated on her last year, whatever. Maybe, I don't know. Um, then we got somebody says after a hard talk, they— after a hard talk he had with the wife, they got better. 'Not as often as I would wish, but at least once a week.' Okay, so as far as frequency of sex— 'It's been like this for years,' says Cure 244. 'So many that it's over a decade. It's embarrassing. Once a week sounds like a dream. We didn't even have that at a honeymoon phase.' So, Mr. Man, if sex and intimacy is important to you, which it sounds like it is because you are the typical average dude, um, this is not the person for you. We can demonize her all we want and say she's a weirdo and that she's broken and that she's got this wrong with her and bait and switch or whatever the hell it is. Or we can just say, dude, you got with and stayed with, it sounds like, for a long-ass time, the wrong person. Why? That's the big question that nobody wants to answer because it kind of puts the onus on you. I'm not blaming you, dude. Let's just put it out there. It's like, what? There are plenty of men, by the way, Kerr244, who would have been in your situation years ago, and years ago would have said, "Wifey, this ain't gonna work. I'm sorry, we made a big oopsie. I'll see you later." But not you. Why? Your vows. You take your vows seriously. I get it. But you say you ignored massive red flags. Yeah, gotta ask yourself why. Do you know why you got to ask yourself why and get to the bottom of why? Because if you don't— and I'm going to end on this note, and then I got to run, guys. Because if you don't CUR, believe it or not, you are going to do this all over again. Because probably you and wife will say, you know, adios to each other, and then you'll go back on the market and you'll get with one that will make you feel amazing. And then 3 years will go by and you'll be like, well, shit, I did it again. How do I know? Because I have talked to shit at this point, like 10,000+ CURs out there. It happens, man, all the time. Gotta get to the bottom what's going on up here. Figure it out, dude. All right, guys, uh, I gotta skedaddle, but thank you all so very much for joining me today. It's a quick one, but thank you. I appreciate all of you. Help4men.com for you men out there that are in my comments and in my lives. I see the same names over and over again in my comments and so forth. Take the next step. Let's get some help with a lot of issues going on. You're a human being. You ain't broken. You ain't weird. You ain't You're a dude in need of help. That's why you're taking in my material and material like it over and over again. It's okay to keep ingesting this stuff, but nothing happens until you actually do something with it. And by my estimation, doing means working with other guys. HelpForMen.com/join. Check it out, the brotherhood. We would love to have you, guys. Thank you all once again. I appreciate you. Catch you on the next one. Uh, toodaloo!