Chat LIVE with Ralph (DSO)!

Well, well, well. Hello again, everyone. How you all doing today? Good, I hope. Me? Oh, I'm doing just fine. Thank you so very much for asking. Hope everyone is having an awesome start to their week. I feel like I'm off center here. I always— if you ever notice my videos, I lean this way. I think it's a back thing or a butt thing, I don't know. But anywho, um, welcome, welcome, welcome. Let me bring up the comments here. We already got a good morning, a preemptive good morning from Metal GT on YouTube. Well, howdy do, good morning, Mr. Metal GT. Hey, if any of you are joining me today Um, I would love to hear where in the world you are from, if you could please. Where in the world you are joining us from? I always find that interesting to see who, uh, what corners of the world we reach with this little interwebs thing. Um, for those that don't know who I am, if you just happened upon this by accident, my name is Ralph. R-A-L-P-H. Ralph. Yes, synonymous with vomit, and for some reason everybody's family dog's name. Um, but, uh, I've been doing, uh, creating content under the name of Dad Starting Over for years and years now. For— is it officially over a decade now? I believe it is. And, uh, recently started— let me get rid of— got this banner on screen. I don't want that on there. One more, please. How do I get rid of that? There we go. Um, but, uh, here recently we've, uh restructured things as of about almost a couple years ago now. And you can see this banner behind me above my bald head, Help for Men, uh, Dad Starting Over. I'm still creating content under that name. Obviously you're probably watching this on a Dad Starting Over channel, but, um, started the organization Help for Men to be a more inclusive brand that, uh, can help dudes from all over the world, whether they're a dad or not, whether they're starting over or not, or whatever it may be. And you can learn more at help4men.com. Check it out, help4men.com. All of our business is now done under that brand. Uh, we hope to bring more content creators other than Dad Starting Over onto the HFM team, or HFM network as it were. But in addition to, um, uh, articles and videos and courses that you will find and books that you will find at help4men.com, we also have a private community just for men. It is a support community, if you will, that we call the Brotherhood. And you can learn more at helpformen.com/join, or if you go to helpformen.com and you scroll down, you'll see banners for the Brotherhood, or up in the menu you can click on Brotherhood and learn more about everything we do in the Brotherhood. That is the pinnacle of what it is that I do to help dudes all over the world. Um, our community— we get more done in the Brotherhood than we do anywhere else. We, uh, are very active with discussion forums. We talk all the time on there about every issue you can imagine. Yes, even that. Whatever it is you're thinking of, we probably have talked about it on the forums, as well as live Zoom meetings, of which we conduct several every single week. And we record all of them for our members to listen to in a big archive that they can listen to actually from their phone if they so wish. Um, and we have over 1,200 hours of meetings recorded. Got a lot of meetings. If you like audio, if you're a guy that's on road trips a lot, mowing the lawn, listening to your audiobooks and so forth, our Brotherhood group. Just the audio alone, it's worth the price of admission. Uh, there is a small fee involved to join. Got to cover the cost of doing all this stuff. We got a pretty big nut to cover every, every month. Unfortunately, helping out thousands and thousands of dudes all over the world is not a cheap thing, believe it or not. But we try to do our best with our team of coaches and our team on staff to help moderate forums and keep everybody in line and help out dudes when necessary. All of us do one-on-one coaching or mentoring, if you want to call it that. We've We've been doing that for years, helping out hundreds of guys. So, uh, we're very proud of our work and the brotherhood. So check it out, help4men.com/join. What the group is not— it is not— I don't talk about this enough. We pride ourselves on the fact that it's really a no-nonsense, no bullshit kind of group. There are a lot of men's groups out there that for whatever reason really harp on this, um, oh, let's all take our shirts off and go in a drum circle and scream at the sky and, you know, whatever. It's like No, we don't. The group is very much a reflection of me since I founded it. Um, we don't— homie don't play that kind of stuff. I don't, I don't, I don't— I never liked that kind of stuff. It was more cringy than, than useful for me. I'm also not one of these guys to put you in a boot camp and have some guy in a way too small t-shirt scream at you in your face and call you all sorts of names. That doesn't really accomplish much either. We're a bunch of guys that all get together and help each other out. We have a team of coaches there to kind of lead things live Zoom meetings, the discussion forums. Yes, we do get together in person once a year in a formal conference. That could get bumped up in, I guess you could say, regularity— not just once a year, try to do maybe multiple times a year here in the near future. But we've just wrapped up our 5th annual conference. This year it was in Charleston, South Carolina, the Isle of Palms there on a beach. It was very cool, very different. And next year we'll be in Louisville, Kentucky. And even if you're not a member or not— whether you're a member or not, I should say— of the Brotherhood, you are invited next year to the BroFest, as we call it. But yes, there is a fee involved. You need to sign up and pay in order to join us. You can learn more about what's going to happen at BroFest next year in Louisville, brofest2026.com. Check it out, brofest2026.com. Uh, it'll be myself— I'll be there— the rest of the Help for Men team, as well as Dr. Robert Glover will be joining us for the weekend. He's the author of No More Mr. Nice Guy, very big presence in the online self-help world, I guess you could say, for men. Uh, Adam Nissenson is the guy who goes by the brand of the Betrayal Shrink, and you can learn more at betrayalshrink.com. He's the guy that helps out other dudes who've been cheated on and you're having a very difficult time dealing with it, as well as guys that have a difficult time with something called sex addiction. He is licensed to help out dudes with that, so check him out, the Betrayal Shrink, betrayalshrink.com. Adam Nissenson is his name. He will be there and spend the weekend with us as well, as well as a very popular figure in the men's advocacy, dad's advocacy to be exact, uh, social media world. Lauren the Dadvocate will be joining us as well. Lauren the Dadvocate. See, if you ever want to meet Lauren, Dr. Robert Glover, me, Adam, the rest of the team, you ever wanted to meet us in person, now's your chance. BroFest2026.com. We'll have little seminars, workshops, presentations, lunch each day, and then the real fun happens after hours when, you know, we We get together, break out in groups, and we'll have dinner and drinks together and all kinds of good stuff. And we even have the option now, if you want to stay in an Airbnb with myself, other members of the team, other co-members, you can choose to do that too. There's an extra fee for that, obviously, to join the Airbnb, but you don't have to worry about hotel, you don't have to worry about transportation to the event space for the presentations and workshops. We'll, we'll get you there. We'll take care of the Ubers and all that good stuff. So we've just added that option here recently. So check it out, brofest2026.com. Howdy says, fight for better now. Well, hello, Mr. FFBN, how you doing? You're a regular, always good to see the regulars on here, guys. Thank you so much for joining me today. Where are y'all from? Please don't be shy. Um, the purpose of these, um, little get-togethers, if you will, uh, is not to just sit here and listen to Ralph pontificate on and on about whatever. But to answer any questions, get some dialogue going back and forth. Usually somebody, one or two or three dudes, post something that just gets me going, and then we'll talk back and forth via the text on the comments here. And if something's good, we'll post a recording of this for the, the clip, in other words, for people to see later on. So, uh, be a part of my social media clips library there. If you want to ask me a question, Fight for Better Now is usually good for some questions here. So hey guys, don't be shy. It's what I'm here for. For those that don't know, I'm— I've authored 4 different books, and my most popular book is one called The Dead Bedroom Fix. And you can learn more at deadbedroomfix.com. Deadbedroomfix.com. As, as it implies, it's about sexless marriages, one of many topics that I've talked about over the 10+ years of doing this. But for whatever reason, it's the big one. That's the one that hurts more men more than anything else, is the lack of the old in and out when they're married. And, um, it hurts a lot of men. It's a very sensitive subject, but, uh, it's one that needs to be talked about because that leads to the disintegration of a lot of very good marriages. And, uh, we need to figure out what the hell's going on there, of why it's happening, what you can do about it. And that is my take on it there. That book, The Dead Bedroom Fix, deadbedroomfix.com, by far my most popular thing I've ever done. I've sold many thousands copies of those books, so check that out. What else we got going on here? I talked about BroFest already. Um, if you want to kick things up a notch with the old dead bedroom thing, you go to— you can go to deadbedroomfixcourse.com. Here's the thing, it's free, no charge, no charge whatsoever. You just sign up, give your email, and log in, and you can take those courses at your own pace whenever you want to. It's, it's a series of videos. You can watch video, take a break for a while, come back to it, repeat, whatever you want. deadbedroomfixcourse.com. And here's the other aha gotcha thing. Ready? I said no charge. In fact, I give you something. I give you a copy of the Dead Bedroom Fix at no charge, a PDF version of it, electronic copy version that you can, uh, it's formatted so you can read it on your phone if you want to. So check it out, deadbedroomfixcourse.com. Watch the videos, get a copy of the book. Why the hell would I be so nice to do that? I'm trying to help out as many men as possible. That's my biggest thing that I've done, and that's also the biggest thing that draws people to our Brotherhood group, our private community for men only, which we're trying to grow. My goal is to get 5,000 guys in there, so please join us. Check out thedeadbedroomfixcourse.com. Free course, free book, all that good stuff. We would love to see you. And I have another course that's free. This one's kind of— I call it like a mini course, not as big as the Dead Bedroom Fix one. But, uh, check it out at mywifecheated.com. mywifecheated.com. Again, little mini course, absolutely free, talking about the wonderful world of finding out that your spouse has been doing the hanky-panky with some other dude. Ouch, it sucks. But guess what? Been there, done that. So a bit of an expert on the topic. Unfortunately, it's not something you want to be an expert on, but I've, I've gone through it and I've helped out hundreds of dudes that have done Been there, done that as well. And, uh, there is hope. There's hope at the end of the rainbow there. So, uh, rainbow's not the right word. The shit show that you've endured, it's, it's, um, remember the movie The Shawshank Redemption when the guy has to climb through a sewage pipe to get to freedom? That's kind of what enduring, you know, your wife cheating and subsequent divorce and all that other craziness that goes with it, that's what that's like. And talk about it. In that course. MyWifeCheated.com, check it out. We got lots of stuff here for guys. We're just trying to help out as many dudes as we can. Uh, if you got a specific question or a story to share and you want to get my input on it, you can always go to DearDSO.com. Yes, I got, I got domains all over the place. DearDSO.com, fill out the form and I will create a video out of your little situation and answer your question. Or you can opt to actually talk with me and we can talk live. I say live, it's recorded, but you know what I mean. Um, people just see my face, but they will hear your voice like a radio call-in show, and we'll record that and put that out there. I've done 4 or 5 of those already and they've been very popular. So thank you all who have submitted questions and everything else. And if you want to chat with me, even better, check it out, deardso.com. All right. Guys are being awful quiet today. Don't make me cut this short because I will. I got another meeting. I got a meeting that starts here in about 45 minutes, so I don't have, you know, all day today to chat. Sometimes these go pretty long, but I'm going to say, got any questions, guys? Please don't be shy. That's why I am here. Some of you are watching this on the Help for Men, uh, YouTube channel. I think this is also live streaming Facebook as well. Yeah, so if you're watching me on Help for Men, let me know. Always good to know the difference between the Help for Men as well as the Dad Starting Over world. Um, hello and howdy and welcome and thank you to all of you who are watching today. I do appreciate each and every one of you. Thank you all so very much. Uh, today I am recording some Dear DSO videos. I just wrapped up one, uh, that is unfortunately common, which was a very anxious dude who, uh, has discovered that his girlfriend that he's already fallen in love with— obviously he didn't say that, but by virtue of his message you can tell he's already fallen, uh, head over heels for the gal. Uh, he is discovering that she's a very avoidant type. She likes her distance. She doesn't like to lose herself in a relationship. She likes to stay away from me. I'll let you know when I'm interested in you again. Very hot and cold, in and out of the relationship. And he's having a difficult time with it. And so we talk about that, a very common issue, especially for guys that are going into the world of post-divorce dating. The divorce of trauma really sends a lot of guys into a tailspin of even further anxiety and anxious behavior, and they put that energy out in the world, and it's attractive to a lot of, for whatever reason, a lot of very avoidant, broken women. And so they get in another, yet another broken relationship like the one they just divorced and exited, unfortunately. So we talked about that as well as, uh, oh, what else was there? I forgot already, but I recorded two of those and got a third one I got to record after this today. Um, I was on, uh, Dr. Robert Glover. He's the author of No More Mr. Nice Guy. He has a YouTube channel which is growing in popularity. He had me, uh, uh, he has his own men's group, um, and, uh, he had me on as a special guest for his group, and that was really great. We recorded our little Zoom chat and is available on his, uh, uh, Zoom or Zoom YouTube channel, so check that out. Let me see if I can find it here for you guys instead of just talking about it. One moment, please. There it is. All right, share, copy. All right, now I'll come back to you guys. Oh God, where are you? There you are. Post a comment there. I'm going to put this in the comment— it'll be in the chat on YouTube and the comments on Facebook— but check out my chat with Dr. Robert Glover there on his channel. If you could be so kind as to leave a like, leave a comment, and let them all know just how awesome my appearance was, that helps out a great deal. Um, it's interesting, I, uh, I, I monitor on a daily basis, sometimes even more frequently, book sales, for example, all my sales. And when I notice a little spike in book sales— in this case it was a pretty big spike earlier this month— I'm Uh, something happened. And usually that something happened is some YouTube or, or a podcast, rather, interview that I did posted. Something I did months ago finally posted. You know, the, the podcast host, they finally got around to editing and putting together, putting on their schedule in a post. And then I will notice a bump in book sales. So I noticed a bump in book sales. I went, it's like, what the hell happened? And it coincided with my, um, interview being posted with Dr. Robert Glover on his channel. So always good. I'm Would love to do more of those. If you guys know of some more podcasts that I should be a guest on, let them know, let me know, and we'll see if we can make it happen. That's something I need to do more of, get the word out more about what it is we do at Help for Men and Dad Starting Over. Uh, any other questions? Anything, ladies and germs? Man, you're just leaving me— I'm treading water here, folks, trying to keep this going. But if we don't have any questions here, I'm gonna skedaddle and say, fine, screw you hippies, and get the hell out of here. Oh, I just tease, you know, that's how I am. Um, and I want to point out that, um, if you're a lady, please ask me a question. I'm not a He-Man woman hater, unlike a lot of my commenters, unfortunately. You know, we have a lot of very hurt guys. You have to be a little empathetic to their plight in life, and I've been there, done that. You know, as soon as, um, you find out your wife's been cheating and living a double life and abandons you and the kids and all this other horribleness that I hear on a daily basis from guys, um, the last thing you want to hear is anything pro-woman. They want to lash out at the world. A guy who's been hurt, it's kind of a dangerous, scary thing, and we see a lot of those guys in my comments. So, uh, ladies, don't let that dissuade you from asking me any questions, um, or sharing anything at all. I welcome men, women, and everything in between. Is there an in-between? What am I saying? Of course there's an in-between. But anywho, um, uh, yeah. Don't be shy, guys. So far all I got is a howdy and a good morning, which are great. Howdy and good morning to you guys. Um, all right, Mr. David kicking things off. Thank you, David, appreciate it. From YouTube, he says, tips on co-parenting with an ex, uh, who betrayed and abandoned you. Ouch. So, uh, all kinds of follow-up questions, Mr. David. That's what's negative about these little live streams that we have to wait for comments and comments on comments and so forth. So, you know, how long has it been? Um, there is a point where, um, this is very common in the men I talk to. I don't know, Dave— David, if this is your situation or not, but it's the man is blindsided by being betrayed and abandoned. In other words, wife cheats and goes to, you know, Plan B over here, another dude. And what often coincides with that is the woman acting as if 'Everything's cool, you know, there's nothing to be stressed about. Everything's fine. You got your life, I got mine. I've moved on to better things. Isn't that great? And we'll just be great co-parents to our children.' And the man's like, 'I just want to burn the house down and go out to, you know, live in a shack in the woods and say to hell with all you people and screw you. I don't want anything to do with you. No, I don't want to pretend to be happy co-parents and everything else.' Well, eventually that subsides believe it or not. And, uh, you do end up having— at least you try to strive for some kind of healthy co-parenting relationship, as they call it. And, um, you just let bygones be bygones and move on. Yeah, she made a big oopsie and really hurt you and everybody else, but what are you gonna do? You know, sitting around and stewing on it and wishing her death and everything else, it doesn't really, uh, um, change anything. But what— the only thing you can do dude, really, is to, uh, be as healthy of a parent as possible to those kids. Be as comforting as possible. Don't you dare start badmouthing mom and telling them what a horrible, awful, insert bad word, she is here. Um, it's, um, dad's here for you. And you know, when they come to you and say, mom has a new boyfriend, they came to the house, you go, oh, that's okay. You know, how do you feel about that, child? He's like, cool with you? You all right with that? Is everything cool? Anything I should know about? It's all good. Dad's here for you if you ever want to talk about it. If you ever need to time out, you want to come hang out with Dad, you can. 365 days a year, 24/7, you can call on me and come on over if you ever got an issue. But what you never do is say, oh, that mom of yours, that whore, and everything. No, don't, don't fall into that trap. So put on a smile. Um, and then you say— oh, um, further messages from David here. He says, yep, that's what happened. She wants to act like nothing happened after months of abuse. What does abuse mean exactly? David, I hate to hear that. Oof, to go through that. I've been there, done that, my friend. Uh, you say you don't wish her ill, it's just painful not being able to have a clean break. Yeah, what does that look like to you? Um, this is something that men and women both wish for, especially a lot of ladies, um, really want some kind of closure with these type of situations. And you always got to ask, what does that exactly look like? And you realize there's no definition because it just continues on and on. Like, what if she suddenly came to you with a big book of apologies and, you know, and started doing a song and dance number for what a horrible human she is and how terrible she's been. Will you ever forgive me? Thank you, thank you for everything you do. You're, you're a wonderful father. You were, you were a great husband. I'm sorry to have hurt you, but it still doesn't change the fact of what she did, and it still doesn't change the fact of what it is that you have to do going forward and caring for those kids. So, um, yeah, so she was a real piece of work. She did the gaslighting, the emotional abuse. She slapped you, shoved you, cussing you out, blame shifting. It was awful. Yeah, so you got a real piece work on your hands there. That, um, this is, um, it's not a uniquely a female thing, as much as we hurt men want it to be, but, uh, it is a common thing in this world for whatever reason that when they go on to Plan B, they being the adulterous partner, um, it's, it's not enough to just say, hey, sorry dude or gal or whatever, um, I'm, I'm gonna I'm gonna step over here to Plan B. Didn't mean to hurt you like this. That wasn't my intent. I just fell in love and I just want to move in with them and start over life with them, blah blah. Sorry to do this to you. That'd be at least somewhat adult, right? It would still hurt, but no, it's usually just like they have to devalue you, discard you, treat you like shit on the bottom of their shoe, and just start— what you're seeing is basically a reflection of all the turmoil that's going on in their head. She's like crazy mess right now, and, uh, and it has been probably for a little bit, last few months, discovery and everything else. And, um, she's torn between the world of safety, comfort, you and family, and this new thing that she has, and it's literally driving her nuts. And some people act not so nice as a result of that. They lash out and they're abusive and they're angry and they call you names and physically hurt you. And you just have to realize that you're dealing with an animal here that you need to stay the hell away from, far away from as humanly possible. I know you got kids and everything else, but He's got to remain stoic. Now, if they ever cross the lines into physically abusing, you know, you can call the police on them and you can have them taken away. Um, but, uh, you know, just because she's a woman doesn't give her any right to lay hands on you. But it sounds like that's behind you, and you have to realize that, um, what was, was, and there's nothing you can do about it. Can't change history. Just got to move forward and, uh, put on a good face for those kiddos. Everything is for the kids at this point. Everything is about, look what— look how your father reacts to very negative, stressful situations in life, and look how I persevere in spite of, and look how everything I'm doing is for you kiddos. And, um, you're going to sit back and watch a guy who has been shit all over but still comes out on top. That's what you're about to watch, kids. Check this out. That's kind of your, your attitude. And you don't stoop so low as to badmouth mom 'Yeah, but she badmouths me to the kids.' That's her problem, not yours. Um, so what if she does? She's going to make herself out— look like an idiot, look like an animal, badmouth the guy that they love more than anything. And you're not going to follow suit. And they'll recognize that. Maybe not now, but later in life they'll recognize that. And, um, you focus on their well-being. If they need to go to therapy, you get them in therapy. If you need to be there with them when they cry themselves to sleep, you're there with them as they cry themselves to sleep. And take them to their activities, and you worry about them, you worry about the kiddos, and you put on a good face during the kid handoffs and all that other stuff. But it's easier said than done, isn't it? Especially when you get all that shit going on. Um, all right, well, Fight for Better Now, I, I kind— I think in passing, I'm sorry, I don't know the details of what it is you're talking about. Thoughts? Fight for Better Now is asking me what are my thoughts on the guy who was duped into paternity fraud. And he just got arrested for sharing his story. I don't know enough to comment on that, brother. I don't know. Um, I saw something went through my feed from Lauren the Dadvocate. It's something that— thank you for reminding me, I need to go back and look at. Um, uh, so I need— there's— I get so much bullshit that shows up in my feed all day long, and by bullshit I mean just horrible stuff. And that sounds like a horrible situation. So do share. Maybe you want to share with us here if you be so kind as to type out in bullet point format maybe what the hell's going on and what you're talking about. That sounds terrible. I don't care who it is you talk to. Duped into paternity fraud. Huh, how'd that happen? He was told that the kids were his, but they weren't. Okay, that happens all the time. Uh, that is not as common as a lot of hurt men like to think. You know, it's interesting, um, there's stats out there if you go on the internet. What, what percentage of the babies out there are not the dads? Um, you know, the guy's raising a kid that he thinks this is but it's not. And some guys throw out this number like 30%, but that's not true. It's statistically not true. Any study that's done on genetics and all the other stuff will show what percentage of men are raising kids that aren't theirs. It's around 1 to 2%. Still not a great number. You put 100 dudes together and you say, by the way, 1 or 2 of you are raising kids that aren't yours, that's kind of yuck, but it's not 30%. So we got to be as realistic and stick to the stats as much as possible. Um, the people that are throwing out the 30% are people that run clinics that test for such a thing, and people that drag their, their kids into such clinics and say, hey, I have a feeling this kid's not mine, test him. That is— turns out to be like 37%. But you see the difference there. People have a reason to be suspicious and drag their kids into clinics. Around a third of the time, they're right. There is something to be suspicious about. But that's not society as a whole. Um, David says, it really— that's the hardest part is the kid handoffs. The best I can manage is to be silent for the most part. It's hard to even look at her, let alone do the performative fake cheerful BS that she does. Uh, gray rock, my man. Don't— I know it hurts. I know watching this woman that you loved act so, yeah, everything's great, isn't it? Been there, done that, dude. It's— it passes, trust me. Her happiness will pass in time. And she'll be with David 2.0, the next schmuck that has to deal with this nonsense. And there may be a David 3.0 and 4.0, unfortunately. Uh, but regardless, this person you see now will not persist, and you will. You know, it's like she's way up here as far as the cheeriness, and it may be fake cheeriness at this point. You're way down here. Eventually it does one of these, and you meet each other somewhere, and then you're way up here, and she's a miserable sack later on. That's what I see quite often. So, uh, you don't have to be Mr. Dad, you know, coming in with a marching band during the kid handoff and acting like it's cheerful, but you just do the old How you doing? Good. All right, kiddos, I will see you on Sunday. All right, you be good. Hey, FaceTime me tonight. Text you tomorrow. I'll see you at soccer tomorrow. Whatever it may be, right? That's it. What more can you do? If she starts doing the whole, how are you, how's it— all right, well, I'll see you kids, bye. You know, just gray rock. Don't let her bother you, dude. But easier said than done. These are all very emotional things. Um, check out mywifecheated.com, mywifecheated.com, our free course for men, little mini course about— so you discovered it, you may find a little nugget of wisdom in there that may help you through all of this. Uh, Divorce Panic, divorcepanic.com, it's another book that I wrote that you may find some solace in some of the stories from some of the guys there I outlined in the book, divorcepanic.com. But what you're going through is tough. And it gives you— if it gives you any comfort, every single solitary great man that I've ever known in my life has gone through a holy shit moment, and that was the drive to make them go from here to here. So, um, this is your moment, dude. What are you gonna do with it? You're gonna just let it— you know, are you gonna wallow in misery, as they say, and, and, um, uh, let this take over your life and everything about it and make you less of a dad and less of a, uh, I don't know, less positive member of your community, whatever it may be? Or are you going to say, well, that sucked, what can I learn from this? And what can I do better next time to avoid this? What can I do to, uh, come out of this a better dude? There's a novel thought. Maybe this can improve you. Maybe this is the springboard you needed into the next level of you, dude, whatever that means. So, um, if you ever want to chat with anybody, you can certainly chat with me. Go to help4men.com coaching, book time with myself, or join our Brotherhood group at— I think this is your best bang for your buck. Ah, here we go. Go to help4men.com/join. A few bucks and you can join us there in our community, uh, and talk to a bunch of dudes who've been there, done that, are currently doing that. We talk quite a bit in Zoom chats, live Zoom chats that we have, Zoom meetings. They're full-blown hour-plus long meetings that are, uh, what do you say, hosted by myself and others on the team. And we talk about these kind of things quite a bit. So you may take some solace in that and comfort and talking to other men who've been there, done that, and other guys going through the same. So I welcome you to join us in the Brotherhood, Mr. David, and others, all of you, unless you're a lady, then sorry, this isn't for you. It's just for dudes. It's important that we have our own little space on the interwebs just for us guys to talk about this kind of stuff. And yes, we do meet in person as well. So David, look forward to meeting you there. So check her out. Make sure I'm not missing something here. Uh, Fight for Better Now. I don't know if you were gonna detail that little paternity fraud nonsense. Oh, sucks, doesn't it? Is that the most painful thing that can happen to a man, uh, to find out one of your kids is not yours? You know, that is, uh, there are certain topics that I talk about where you're like, this is so interesting, the difference between men and women and how they interpret things, uh, how much it impacts them. And, uh, one of those things that makes you go, huh, interesting, is a guy— let's say he's with some— he's got a kid who's like 4 years old, and he finds out that his 4-year-old is not his biologically. There's quite a few men that would say adiós, wife, and take your 4-year-old with you. And, um, that makes most people go Ouch. But men follow that up with, I get it, dude. I don't know what I would do in that case. I can't imagine dealing with that or facing that reality. But, uh, I would— I can certainly empathize with the guy who says, wife, beat it and take your ex— soon-to-be ex-wife and take your 4-year-old with you because they're not mine. Um, you know, I— a lot of guys want to escape those situations. Like I talk about going to a shed in the woods. That's one of those moments, like just escape from everything. I kid. Why? I don't want to see any of it. Get the hell out of here. Goodbye. We can empathize with that guy and we get it. Most women you talk to are like, I don't get that at all. That's your kid. Sure, biologically it's not yours, but you raised that kid for 4 freaking years, man. That kid's yours. And, uh, some women get really, like, really upset with a man abandoning the kid and everything else. It's just, you know, we could go down all kinds of conspiratorial, not so nice, uh, roads of why that is. But that's an interesting little quirk here. Um, oh, so Fight for Better Now, back to the paternity fraud thingy. The woman actually approached him wanting to get pregnant and had paperwork to exonerate him from all responsibility. They did the deed, she got pregnant, and then she started reaching out to him and his family to encourage him to take a more active role in the kid's life. Yeah, right away. I don't want to victim blame here, but dude, if I was his buddy, I would have put the arm around him going, don't you freaking do this, dude. No, just don't, don't do this. You're into a world of hurt. Yeah, but I signed papers. Dude, don't do this. You're— there are all kinds of ways for a woman to get pregnant these days. Sperm banks and IVF through donors and so forth. You don't go to your buddy and go, hey, I'm gonna approach you, get pregnant, and do all those other things. And a person that you know intimately, you know, close to you and your family, you're just asking for trouble. And then he started paying child support, and then he started having suspicions that the child may not be his, so he had a paternity test. Jesus Christ. I see. Okay, wow. Yeah, you would think he would be totally exonerated at this point. Hey, can you donate sperm? I have forms that show I'm not responsible for the kid. But then he made the double oopsie of, yeah, let me go ahead and pay child support and everything else as if I am this person's legal guardian and everything else, as if this kid is mine. Because I think the kid is— yeah, the dude just dug himself deeper and deeper hole here. Um, and I would assume the paternity test said the kid's not yours. Okay. And then, yeah, how does this work with the, uh, getting arrested and all this other garbage? Um, Fight for Better Now, I'm, I'm, I'm invested now. What happened here? Uh, what a mess. Wow. Anybody else have anything while we're waiting for Fight for Better Now to give more awesome details here to what is a horrible situation? Um, You have to laugh, that's how bad that is. Um, anybody else, anything? I gotta leave here soon for another meeting. I'm actually, uh, chatting with a company that wants to help as far as, uh, spreading the word and getting me booked on other people's podcasts. That's the thing I don't have time for, is to sit here and research podcasts, find the contact person, send them repeated emails and whatever else, and schedule a time to meat and all that other good stuff. I just don't have time for that at all, period. And, um, so I'm going to pay somebody to help me do that, possibly. So that's who I'm talking to later today, somebody to help me possibly do that. Um, okay. He ended up going to court and getting his parental rights removed, as well as requesting all the money that he had paid out child support returned. They removed his paternal rights, canceled the child support, but refused to make her reimburse him. At the same time, they put a gag order on both parties. Well, there you go. So let me guess, he violated said gag order. This dude just keeps making mistake after mistake, doesn't he? I mean, good for him for going to court and saying, give me my money back, and, uh, the parental rights and all those stuff. Yeah, yeah, got to do that. Um, so he did all that. Uh, so they— but she, she did not reimburse him. Ouch. And then they said, and nobody talk about this shit either outside of the court. She started shaming him to his family and online for abandoning her, so he took to the internet to defend himself. So he took the— okay. And then that's when they said, you violated the gag order. What a good example, guys. Um, what's the old phrase? Don't stick your you-know-what in crazy. And also, um, listen to your gut. Don't get involved in this nonsense. I'm trying to think in my position. Ultimately, the only perspective I have is my own. If one of my good friends were to come to me and say something like, uh, uh, my wife and I are having a difficult time getting married, we love your beautiful bald ways, can we have your sperm to impregnate my wife? I would say, hey, Weird? No, it's not happening. Sorry. Yeah, we'll sign you— we'll have you sign papers that say, you know, you're not responsible for the kid. You're not— hey, I get it, but no. Sorry for your wife's circumstance, but there's all kinds of infinite number of ways that this could go wrong. No, no, and no. I don't feel comfortable with that. No. What made that guy not do that? What is it about him? And then mistake after mistake after mistake. So you can see how this just kind of snowballs. Then you get arrested for violating a gag order for the person that's trying to get you in paternity fraud and all this other— what a shit show nightmare. Um, yeah, just stay out of that nonsense, guys. Ugh. So, so many of these stories that I hear, um, of these really dysfunctional, crazy relationships begin with, so this really weird thing happened, and instead of going this way as most sane people would, I went this way instead. And you're like, dude, what the fuck? Yeah, and then that resulted in this and this and this and this and this, and here I am today talking to you, Ralph. It's like, well, shit, dude. So, um, over and over again I tell guys, just, uh, stay out of that nonsense. But then you go down the road of, um, what do you do? You just avoid all people that have all kinds of horrible baggage in their past? Do you just avoid anybody who's— he comes to you with some horrible childhood history and some kind of terrible story of their life just because that could result in drama down the line. I know it's a tough thing. Everybody deserves a chance and all this other stuff. It's like, you know, the older, more wise you get— I'll be 50 here soon— um, the less, um, grace and leeway you give to people in that regard when it comes to intertwining yourself in their life. You're like, yeah, love you, all that other stuff, but gonna have to let you go. I'm gonna have to say no. I've seen how this goes. I got too many years of wisdom behind me to see that this is going to be a big no-no. And that's what that guy should have done. And I got some likes and, and loves and all other good stuff on here, so thank you so very much. If wherever you're watching this, if you could do me a favor and pause for a moment and give me a like, um, or subscribe or follow or however it works. First, give me a like on the stream wherever you're watching it. That lets the YouTube, Facebook, whatever algorithm know like this is This is good stuff. Let's show this to more people. Um, and then give it a share, leave a comment, whatever it may be. Well, thank you very much, whoever gave me a like there. I appreciate it. So yeah, keep them coming, guys. Every bit helps. Trying to spread the word and help as many dudes as we can. That's what this whole thing is all about. Thank you all so very much, and thank you, Doug, for the thumbs up there in the Facebook chat. I appreciate it. Anything else, germs, before I— ladies and germs, before I head out here? Um, helpformen.com/join, that's our brotherhood community. Don't have enough of you in there. I see your comments every single day on my videos. I see you, uh, bellyaching and complaining about the same thing over and over and over again, guys that are watching this. Some of you, not all of you. I'm looking at you, dude. You know who you are. Over and over again, you say the same thing in my comments, in my videos. Some of you complain about the dead bedroom that you've been in for years and years, and you make the same complaints day after day, all day long. Um, some of you are complaining about that cheating-ass wife of yours that you're still with. Some of you are complaining about the cheating-ass wife of yours that you divorced. Um, some of you complaining about the god-awful dating scene that you find yourself in post-divorce, and It's one thing to complain and go, man, this sucks, but it's another thing not to do anything about it. Eventually, some of you are seen by myself and others in your social circle, if you will. This is a guy who enjoys being a victim. This is a guy who, if it wasn't for his victimhood and complaining about life and all the things that happened to him as he sees it, he wouldn't have anything to say. That's this guy's persona, is one of, you know, chief complaint officer in his little group. And that doesn't get you anywhere at all, ever. Gotta do something about it, guys. Enough bellyaching, enough bullshitting yourself and everybody else, and do something about it, whatever it is. I know for a lot of you, life took a giant shit on you. Been there, done that. Take it, flip it around. 180. Do something about it. Do something with that energy. Do something positive with it. Make a change. Down below there, below me, you'll see helpformen.com/join. Check out our support community for men. That's a good place to start, getting with other men who are tired of bellyaching and being pissed at the world and doing nothing about it. We're all doing something about it. I just left here not too long ago a group of men who all got together in Charleston, South Carolina, all in the same house and hanging out with each other and talking. Never really deep talks about all kinds of good stuff. We're all there to help each other, and we're all friends. And, uh, this going through life thing is not easy. This going through life when everyone seems to want to shit on you all at once is not easy. You need a little help. It's not— it's not a big thing to go, a little help here, guys. It's tough, isn't it? But there you go, helpformen.com/join. Check out the brotherhood. We would love to have you. And I and hundreds of others are standing by to do just that. Um, Finlander is asking when my next live chat is. Well, as far as the schedule is concerned, um, I have a very difficult next few weeks coming up with a lot of work and preparing for getting stuff done prior to a big 2-week-long vacation I'm going on. So I don't know exactly, but I will get that up as soon as I can. I'm looking at maybe the, uh, Tuesday the 20th. For the next one of these where it's just me, but I have— I'm going to be chatting with other folks here coming up. So check out, um, you can go on YouTube, you can go on Facebook, and you can see, uh, go to the live section of YouTube, go to the events section on Facebook, and you can see all my upcoming schedule ones for sure. And I know I have some coming up with some other folks including a live scheduled with Dr. Psych Mom, our buddy Dr. Psych Mom, Dr. Samantha Rodman-Whiten. She and I have not done a live here in recent memory, so thankfully we're doing one of those at the end of the month. Before that though, I am doing a chat with Miss Michelle Langley, author of Women's Infidelity 1 and 2. I did a pre-recorded interview with her for the Help for Men YouTube channel. Check out— do a search for Michelle Langley Help for Men and you'll find it. Which was very, very popular, still popular, getting lots of views every single day and comments. And so, um, due to the high demand, we're going to do a live chat for the audience. We'll take questions in, so check that out. And then probably between now and then, I'll do a couple more of these lives here. So, uh, Brady says thank you, appreciate my work and insight, and it has helped you. Well, thank you, Brady. I appreciate that, brother. That means a lot to me. Thank you so very much. And Finland— Finlander wants to thank me as well. Well, thank you. Gentlemen, thank you so very much. Um, uh, Finlander, you got an eyeball that looks like a woman's eyeball for your little avatar, so maybe I said gentlemen, maybe you're a lady. So thank you, folks. There you go, gender neutral. Thank you everyone, I appreciate all of you so very much. Thank you for joining me here today. Give me a like, give me a subscribe, give me a follow wherever it is you're watching this, man. I appreciate it. And if you're a dude, check out the brotherhood at help4men.com. Jump right to the join page, help4me.com/join. I look forward to meeting you all there in the group in the next live Zoom meeting. Let me know you found me here in one of these live, uh, live streams here. Appreciate it. Let me know what's working. All right, and Finn Lunder says he's a man. Well, all right, dude, the eyeball kind of, you know, it's a good-looking eyeball though, I'll give you that much. Um, but anywho, all right guys, thank you all so very much, and we will catch you on the next one. Uh, toodaloo!