Chat LIVE with Ralph (DSO)!

Howdy do, everyone. Hey, you guys, I'm just making sure I'm online here properly for everyone to see. There have been instances where I am sitting here talking to myself because I'm not online. I know, hard to believe. I don't see me yet on Facebook. Anybody on Facebook want to say, hey, howdy, we see you, Ralph? No, I still don't see it. Oh, what's going on? I am streaming to Facebook, Facebook, YouTube, YouTube, Twitter. Oh, sorry guys, I know the radio world, we used to call this dead air. Well, I just don't know. Am I live or what? What's going on here? Hey guys, if you can see me, give me a comment here. Tell me where you're seeing me from. Don't be shy. Don't leave Ralphie Boy hanging because I'm refreshing the old Facebook and it is not showing up here for me. That doesn't mean I'm not on there, it just means I don't see me. What about the tube? Am I on the tube? Yes, I am. View my channel. Let me mute myself here so you guys don't hear me watching me. That'd be weird. Yeah, I am live on the YouTube, but I do not see me on the Facebook. Guess we'll just deal with it. I don't know what to tell you. Supposed to be. It shows me I am. Oh well, how are you guys doing today? Me? Oh, doing well, thank you for asking. It's your boy Raffalito coming to you live. For those that are, uh, you know, just stumbled upon this, you're watching this live or watching the recording saying, what the heck is this all about with the bald dude and everything else? Well, my name is Ralph. I've been putting out content under the brand name of Dad Starting Over for years now as a content creator, if you will, and, um It wasn't until I started writing books, and my first book that I wrote actually really took off. The 3 books after that, not so much. They did all right, but all of them combined don't equal the success of one of the books I wrote, which is right behind me there, The Dead Bedroom Fix. Actually, do I have a— yeah, this book is my most popular book. Oh, Dead Bedroom Fix. As the name implies, it's about marriage, sex, all that fun stuff. So of course, sex, yeah. Of course, is going to be my bestseller, right? Excuse me. So, um, because of that, I got a lot of people watching my stuff and reading articles, and I put out a lot of videos. I have, since then, an organization called Help for Men. You can learn more at help4men.com. Um, within Help for Men, we have a private support community for men only called The Brotherhood. We get together for live meetings, private discussion forums. We get together in person. Coaching and courses and free books and all kinds of cool stuff. And it's relatively cheap to join at $27 a month if you're a guy. Guys only, sorry ladies. Um, if you're a veteran, there's a button on there when you go to the Brotherhood page at helpformen.com/join. Let me bring that up here. Um, that you will see if you're a veteran, click here, and you actually get like 40% off of that. So it ends up being like $15, $16, something like that, uh, for per month to get all the cool stuff. We got over like 1,200 hours of audio you can listen to and all kinds of cool stuff. We're just trying to help out as many dudes as we can, and we are doing really well so far this month. You got a lot of new members, so we would love to have you. If you're a guy, check out the Brotherhood at helpformen.com/join. Um, I often get on here and talk about, on social media in general, uh, relationship stuff, relationshipy talk, as I often say. If you're a dude who's like, marriage, no, not too snazzy because of the old SEX, Dead Bedroom Fix. If you're divorced, going through a divorce, looking at divorce, we have a lot of guys in my world that I talk to about that. If you're a guy that's had a really hard time with the relationship game in general, it's kind of eluded you all these years, you know, the dating world's been kind of shitty to you, certainly haven't married or anything like that, talk to a lot of guys in that boat as well. A lot of guys in all stages of life in the relationship game, and we talk about all kinds of stuff. If I had to go narrow it down, a lot of the talk centers around the fair sex, women, and, um, how to get them, so to speak, how to live with them, how to be a better spouse, better partner, boyfriend, all that good stuff. As well as commiserating over when said women, you know, hurt us quite a bit. A lot of us have been cheated on. A lot of us have been, uh, oh, divorced and just totally taken aback and surprised by it. So we talked to a lot of guys in that boat. If you are one of those dudes, whatever, wherever on the relationship spectrum you are, and you're just having a difficult time with it, coming to terms with it, understanding, whatever, you're in the right place. My name is Ralph Brewer. How you doing? Let's talk. How these live streams typically go is that I just say, guys, got any questions? Anything at all? Stories, comments, questions, anything? Please do not hesitate to say, hey, howdy. And let us know where you're from. Um, I still don't see me up on Facebook, guys. I keep refreshing here. Let me switch over my account to the Help for Men side of things. It would appear that I am not on Facebook at all. What is going on there? Oh yes, I am. Yeah, Help for Men says I'm live. Hold on, let me go back to Dad Starting Over. Yeah, it said okay. I'm stupid. Here's the thing, Facebook has changed something. Um, they don't just show it on my little page feed. It has a little thing up here that says live, and if I click on, then I can see me. Thank you. Like an idiot. Okay, you don't— I guess I don't want to see me easily. I got to click on another thing to see me. All right, good to know. Cool. Wow, YouTube makes it easy. Boom, there I am. Uh, YouTube got a video out that is doing well. Check out the Dad Starting Over page on YouTube. I'm working with an agency trying to grow the channel. It went— it was doing really well there for a bit, then it went kind of stagnant. So we're trying new things out. So if you see some videos that are kind of, and then some that are doing well, it's us trying a bunch of new stuff out. Um, the, um, world of YouTube is very different. It's, um, certain things they turn the institution of YouTube off where they won't show your video to others. Certain things turn off your audience. Certain things YouTube, you know, corporation really loves, and your audience not so much. And you got to find that little balance, right? And it's got to be good content. It's got to be a decent video to sit back and watch. So we just posted one— well, about knocked my drink over— we just posted one, um, here yesterday. It's doing really well so far. Fingers crossed. Let's see how that goes. And the title of that video is, if you guys want to go search it out, the title of the video is When Desire Dies: A Husband's Wake-Up Call. This is in response to a guy who called himself Red, R-E-D, who wrote into me about his sexless marriage and just his marital woes, if you will. And, uh, hold on a second, I just minimized you guys, can't see myself. Oh geez. Oh Christ. And, um, he was one of the few guys— and this isn't that common in my world, but I hear it every now and then— a dude saying, I have stepped outside of the marriage in the form of repeat affairs sex workers, all that good stuff, right? And, um, that's what— that was this guy's story. So I did a video about that and it's doing really well. So check it out at the Dad Starting Over YouTube channel. You can go— let me put it in the comments slash chat here. Yeah, check that out, guys. So where I see Mr. G, I'm not even going to attempt to pronounce your name, sir. That's a lot of syllables. Gassanyam says, I guess that's— ah, I don't— is that a good thing? That's the reaction you want from people? Hi everybody. Ah, so I don't know if that's a, you know, a happy ah or a holy, holy shit, what is this monster? But how you doing? Where are you from, sir? Um, where is everybody from? Where's everybody joining us today? We got a small crowd here to start with. Usually it takes a little bit for the the group to build up. Maybe we won't build up today. Maybe this will be one of those dud live streams. I have one of those every now and again. But I certainly welcome you guys all to participate. Say where you're from, uh, where you're watching from, where in the world you are, what brings you to my world, why is it that my dumb head showed up on your algorithm feed or whatever the hell you call it, and why are you joining us today? I want to hear your story. Um, See that little link there? helpformen.com/join. Check it out. That's our brotherhood, our private community for men only. We would love to have you. It's going really well with that group. A lot of people joining us. So gosh darn it, all those videos and things are paying off. Finally we can help out more and more dudes. That's what we're here for. José María Gonzalo. Gonzalo, am I saying that right? José María Gonzalo. Wow. My mother, Jose, is Rita Dolores Terrentor Díaz. She's from Spain. So hello, fellow, I'm a half Spaniard. So there you go. My mother's from Zaragoza. So very cool. And wow, what a coincidence, I got Spain and then I got Christopher from Indiana. Christopher, I grew up in Indiana. Anybody else? I was born in Germany. If we have a German that comes up next, that's going to be really weird. So, um, yeah. And, uh, perfecto, says Jose. Well, very good. Um, bienvenidos, José. Very nice to have you. Uh, whereabouts in Spain are you, if I may ask? Uh, always cool to see Spaniards on here. So it's been a few of you. And then we got Fight for Better Now from Cincinnati. Very cool. I spent some time in Cincinnati. My wife did her fellowship— she's a physician— in Cincinnati Children's Hospital. So I know Cincinnati pretty well, spent a lot of time there. And you guys are just hitting all the Ralph high points. And we got José's from Madrid. You know, I haven't been spent much time in Madrid. That's basically where I went to catch the plane to go back to the US, but I haven't toured much of Madrid or anything like that. Um, but very cool. Welcome, welcome everybody. Mr. Fight, I call you Mr. Fight, he's a regular on here. Welcome. Christopher says go Hoosiers. Well, Christopher, if you're talking about, you know, Indiana University, I assume. Um, I went to Indiana State University in Terre Haute, Indiana. I don't know if you know where that is. I assume so. Uh, that is the Sycamores. The Fighting Sycamores, no less. So just picture a bunch of trees, I guess, fighting. That's stupid. Uh, but, um, yeah, I followed the— I grew up in the Bobby Knight era, so I know that world well. I'll be turning 50 years of age this year, guys. Can you believe it? The big 5-0 for the Ralphie boy. Oh, there we go. As I talk about her turn of 50, I have to adjust or else I'm in pain sitting here. Uh, José says, I just listen to your videos very often and it's helped me a lot. Well, thank you. Muchas gracias. I just wish I had found you before getting to this point. And Ben says, love you, Rafaelito. Well, thank you, Dr. Ben. I appreciate you, sir. Ben is a member of the Brotherhood, as all the rest of you dudes should be. Mr. Fight for Better Now and others, I, you know, I see you guys on here a lot, and I'm like, why aren't these dudes in like the real group and talking actively to other dudes and getting in meetings and getting in the forum and, you know, meeting in person? We have our, uh, our annual conference in the States is coming up. The 6th annual one is coming up March of next year in Louisville, Kentucky. Pardon me. So I would love for, uh, to have you. Let me bring up that little banner there. brofest2026.com. Yes, we call it Bro Fest. Don't laugh. It's— there's a whole story behind it. The story is we used to call it like the, um, the annual membership conference blah blah. It's just some long convoluted name. We needed like something punchy. And one of our members, his wife was very like dismissive of group, and she— he has since divorced her, by the way. But, um, uh, she said— he said that she said, oh my gosh, are you gonna— you're gonna go to your Bro Fest group? And we're like, it kind of has a nice little ring to it. So we, we stole it and we call it Bro Fest. I don't know if that will stay, but we've called it that for the last 5+ years. Um, Christopher says, oh, IU, the Hoosiers play State next week. I didn't know that. Yeah, I haven't kept up with uh, that's that part of the world for a long time, so maybe I should. Uh, Indiana State was pretty good last year, right? Was that last year that they had went to the tournament and got a couple games into it? That was pretty cool. And PK, Mr. Pat says— is that— yeah, I assume because PK's sailing. I see. Um, you say the real work happens in the group. Another member of the group, so welcome guys. Love seeing the members. Christopher, fight Jose! Jose, we have Gustavo in our group. He is a fellow Spanish speaker. Coach Gustavo, you should join. You'll have a fellow Spanish speaker to talk to, as well as myself, the half Spaniard. So there you go. We would all love to have you in the group. And once again, the group, you can learn more and join at help4men.com/join. We would love to have you. Very cool, man. We got guys from all over. Um, PK says there's a lot of great content that Ralph shares publicly, but the real work is in the group. The coaching is Additive. Is it additive or addictive? Um, very good. Thank you, Mr. Pat, appreciate it. And Pat's been a long time dude, been in the group for years, am I right, Pat? Where we're going, you're one of the very first ones, so very cool. We appreciate you a great deal and always in meetings and very active in the discussion forums. And, um, we would love to see more of you in there. And in case I didn't mention— where's my phone? In my pocket. Excuse me. There we go, Old Man Grunts. Um, on the phone you can have access to, you know, all these meetings that I talk about that we have all the time in the Brotherhood. We actually allow you to listen to recordings of these meetings and you can add them to your podcast app. So check that out, there's all these past meetings in our My Podcast app. Look at meeting, each one of those is an hour at least. And then, well, gotta see all, there we go, there's over 1,000 of them. Boom, boom, look at that, over by that's like over 1,200 hours technically of, of audio that you can listen to as a member. So join us, guys. So there's me giving the old sales pitch. We would love to have you. As Pat says, that's where a lot of the real work gets done, uh, none of the superficial just leaving little comments on videos and so forth, but actually guys conversing, God forbid. So anybody else? Where's everybody else from? Would love to hear from you. Does anybody have any questions? Anything at all. I think I've mentioned this before, I had a high school teacher that said, 'Questions, comments, conclusions.' So I'm continuing the tradition. Questions, comments, conclusions, anything, ladies and germs, would love to hear from you. We got A's— our arms is— wow, Gesundheit! You think you're missing a vowel there? I don't— maybe not. Arms, arms. Look, from YouTube, it says, 'Love from the UK.' Well, very cool. You know, I have never been to the UK. I have been to a lot of other places in the world but never to the UK. And when I did my, uh, little Ancestry 23andMe, whatever data, DNA, whatever, um, years ago, it showed like Spaniard was half of it, which Spanish means like all kinds of crap mixed in with Spanish. You got Northern African, you got the whatever. There's a whole bunch of people mixed in, mixed Spaniards. But that was half my DNA, which I knew, but I wasn't really clear. My father was like, you know, typical American white dude. Like, if you asked him— it's funny, this is what every American white dude says— there's Native American. Your great-great-grandmother was a Miami Indian. I remember him saying this throughout my whole childhood. I'm like, how cool, now I get my DNA back and let's see how much Native American I have in me. Zero. There was no Native American. He was full of shit. But what there was was a lot of, um, my ancestry came from England. Apparently. So there you go. What a cool mix, huh? So I gotta go back to the motherland, I guess, at some point. Been to Spain, been all over Spain, spent a great deal of time there, but never to the— never to the other side. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Any questions, comments, conclusions, anything at all? Anything that you have seen here recently? Um, before I forget, guys, let me bring this up. Oh, bam! Oh shit, let me get rid of the other banner. Oh God. Oh geez. There we go. Um, I wrote a little small book, uh, very quick read years ago called Red Flags. I have since redone that book completely, and the second edition of which has come out last week. Is that right? Yeah, I think so. Um, and you can learn more at redflagsformen.com. redflagsformen.com. Um, you missed it, I did a giveaway where I was— unlimited number of free Kindle books. If you have a Kindle, you could have downloaded for free last weekend. So you missed that, now you got to pay a whopping $7. 99 cents if you want to read it on Kindle from Amazon, but you'll find it on there, redflagsformen.com, or you can download it from our website, the PDF format. Um, check it out. Um, we got Fight for Better Now says, what actually brought me to you? Uh, there was an interview that you had done with an author I was following who was coaching women on how to get married and how to show up in marriage correctly. Who was that? Now you got me wondering. It was an author who was coaching women on how to get married, so it was a woman, I assume. Now you got me thinking, Mr. Fite. And we got Arnsen says, I have a question, can I ask on here? Yes, that's why I'm here. Have at it, mister. Just so it's clear for everybody, I am here to talk to you guys. Hey Ralph, I got a question. Hey, this happened to me, what do you think? Whatever it may be, dude. If you think I can— there's some value to my opinion and me pontificating on it, then please, uh, let it out. I recently got Divorce Panic, says Jose. Almost finished with it. Oh, very cool. Yeah, um, you can learn more divorcepanic.com. Let me get rid of this bad boy. Red Flags for Men. Boom! Divorce Panic. That's the book that, uh, Jose is reading right now. He's almost finished with divorcepanic.com. I don't know, Jose, when you got that, but it is now available PDF format from the website for free. So just download it. All you got to do is give us your name and email, and you got the book for free. So check it out, everybody. Divorce Panic. Um, and Fight for Better Now says, what brought me to her was research for a book that I was— do you remember who she was? Who the her was? Now you got me wondering. And Mr. Armsnick, or Armsick, I apologize, um, you said you had a question. Please go ahead, sir. And Jose says, I'll briefly write my story as an introduction. Allow me a few minutes to get my story through. Okay, very good, Mr. Jose. And don't, don't worry about broken English or anything else, because probably most of us on this call can only speak English anyway. So, uh, you're— you got one up on us. That's why people like, pardon my English. And dude, I, I don't speak Spanish fluently whatsoever or anything else, so you're ahead of me. Don't worry about it. Let me bring this back up here just in case people missed that. redflagsformen.com. Check it out, the latest edition of my book Red Flags. All new stuff. I shouldn't say that, there's a few, um, introductory chapter, uh, the subject matter is the same but it's been rewritten, and then a bunch of new stuff. So check it out, and it's a full-fledged book now, it's not so small anymore. You can get a paperback copy of it as well as the Kindle or PDF or whatever. The audio version has been submitted to Audible just waiting for them to do their thing and say it's been released. It takes a while, man. It's been 2 weeks now since I submitted to them, so they're taking their time. But we'll see. But then the audio version will be available on Audible, Apple Books, and then on to Spotify and all those others. Let's check it out, redflagsformen.com. Anything else? Suzanne? Oh, Suzanne Venker! Yes, yes, yes, I remember Suzanne. Boy, I haven't heard that name in a while. Yeah, she, um, I think she reached out to me if I remember right. Hell, I don't remember how we connected, but somehow I connected to her. It may have been through one of our members said, you gotta check this lady out. She's a very sweet lady. I really liked her. And, um, yeah, I did a couple of chats with her if I remember right. Haven't talked to her in years. Years. Listen to me, I've been at this for over a decade now, so it's, you know, seen a lot of people come and go. And, um, some of the constants, uh, like, um, Dr. Robert Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy. He's been a good, um, I guess you could say friend, partner through all this. I don't know him personally all that well. We've done events together and, um, you know, we text every now and then and chat, but, um, he's been a really good, I, you could say mentor through all of this. Um, but he's the author of No More Mr. Nice Guy, Dr. Robert Glover. He's one of, if not the biggest dude in our world, and, uh, he's going to be at BroFest next year, BroFest 2026. Check it out. Mr. Arnzik, back to you. I'm going to call you Mr. A, is that all right with you? Cool. It says it's a two-part question. What advice would you give your 32-year-old self? Well, that's a very specific— I assume you're 32, Mr. A. I look forward to becoming a dad one day without the starting over part, but the whole idea of marriage seems hopeless. Well, um, what do you want, dude? Who are— here's what you got to ask yourself. And by the way, I just got done recording, and it's gone to the editors for, uh, release probably next week. The 10 questions to ask your potential mate before you guys get married. Like, let's get things out of the way. And much of that stuff can be cleared up by knowing, Mr. A and others, who you are and what you stand for. What are you— what's your identity? What are your values? It sounds kind of like, well, the thing, right? Like, I know who I am, I know what my values, what I like and don't like. Oh yeah, do you really? Because if so, then why is it so many of you go back on all that stuff as soon as you meet one— that is, one lady that is like you're head over heels for, and she makes you feel amazing. And maybe you don't have a lot of luck with ladies before her, and finally you found one that really likes you, and she's pretty and all this other stuff. And then she does something that goes against your values, your identity, and who you are. What do a lot of guys in my world do? Look the other way and go, yep, didn't see that. The old red flags thing. Why would they look the other way when she does something that could be like, let's say, like way out there kind of stuff? He doesn't have any boundaries. He just, he doesn't want to let her go. Um, if you don't have a lot of relationship experience, you don't have a lot of luck with the ladies, when you finally do get some luck and it falls in your lap, you do not want to let it go. So when that lady drinks too much and you're like a guy who's like, I really don't like drinking and use of drugs or anything like that. I'm a pretty straight edge kind of dude. That's part of my identity and who I am and always has been. And then you get with this lady and she's doing cocaine in the bathroom, and you're like, you know, shit, that's no big deal. I mean, I gotta loosen up a little bit, right? You just violated who you are, and that's the beginning of a string of events of holy shitness. So Mr. A and others, when you When you hear a lot of stories from a lot of guys that are like, I got with this woman and I'll be damned, she cheated on me, broke up with her— usually the woman breaks up with him— she moved on to another guy, he licks his wounds and he jumps back into dating real fast. Then he finds another one and goddamn it, she cheated on me too. And then he talks to his brother and his brother's like, yeah, I got cheated on too. And he's like, oh my gosh, what the heck? Then he goes online and starts typing and he finds me and others talking about infidelity and he's like, oh my gosh, all women cheat, why would anybody want to marry? Oh my God, let's really break this down and look at this systematically, shall we? Look at the data here. What you're looking at is a lot of very hurt men. Uh, you're looking at a lot of men who don't have a good sense of identity, what they are, their values, and a lot of men who saw a lot of red flags and looked the other way. A lot of men that don't have a lot of relationship experience. Just a lot of, a lot of amateurs trying to talk like professionals, so to speak. And they're— thank you, internet— they put their information out there and everybody sees it and you commiserate with each other. What's interesting, I've talked about this many times, a microcosm example of this phenomenon is like on my social media posts, for example. I will post a video, I think it's a pretty good one, and I'll put it out there and I will see I get, I don't know, 1,200 likes or something like that. Like, oh, very good., and then I'll look down below and I'll have 50 comments. 5 of them are really negative, making fun of me, making fun of my content, blah blah blah. I mispronounce some word, they pick up on that, they call me a simp or whatever. Maybe guess what, out of the 1,200 positives and the 50-some-odd positive comments, what sticks out to me? Those 5 assholes. It's like, damn, that dude Bob, he doesn't understand what I'm saying. I let that shit get to me. Now, from what I understand, it's pretty common. The, the most vocal tends to be the, the negative and the ones that really stick out and the ones that really get under your skin. And if you let that happen, next thing you know, you're just like, why am I even doing this? Look at this, 5 assholes here, 10 more assholes on this post, and These people are telling me I'm terrible. Maybe I am terrible at this. Maybe I should cut this out. Maybe I do suck. Maybe I am ugly with the bald head. I look like a testicle. Maybe, you know, all these things, right? I've heard that one before, guys. And, um, what you don't see is all that positive around there. So Mr. A and others, you're like, I don't— this whole marriage thing is a bunch of horseshit. Depends on who you're talking to. Depends on who you surround yourself with. I know couples that have been together for a long-ass time. They got good kids. They seem to be really great partners with— to each other. And I don't think it's a coincidence that both set of parents, his parents and her parents, same way. And probably if you went back even further, it's probably the same. Just healthy people raising healthy kids, and they raise healthy kids, and they all get together and have healthy relationships. There ain't no cheating, believe it or not. I know it's hard to believe. There's no screwing around, and there's chaos, and there's no violence. There's no cops being called at 2 AM. There's no restraining orders. There's none of that. But for some people, all that stuff I just mentioned, all that negative, that's their normal, and they can't believe that there's any other way. And if you look for it, there's plenty of other people that are living the same dream— I guess you could say nightmare, rather. Um, Let me see here. We got all kinds of comments that I'm missing here. Uh, so what advice would I give to a 32-year-old self? I assume you're 32, Mr. A, is know who you are, know what you want, and freaking stick to it, dude. And if you're like, yeah, but if I do that, I'm not going to get a woman— yeah, don't, dude. Just don't. That's what we call the old scarcity mindset. There's only so many women to go around. I don't have much luck, and nobody likes me because I'm 5'9". You know, stop it. Just stop it, dude. There's plenty of human beings out there for you. Work on yourself. Get your shit straight. Become a secure individual. Become a charming individual. Yes, work on your body. Take care of yourself physically. Work on your, your career. All the other good stuff. And don't be so hung up on must-have woman, I need woman. That's just setting yourself up for trouble because then you start overlooking all those negatives and all the other good stuff. What if I were to tell you, Mr. A, and others, that, uh, you may not find Mrs. Right? You may find a series of Mrs. Rights, Mrs. Sortas, I guess you could say, sorta right. Um, I— the example I've given before in video format was, what if I were to look into a crystal ball and I could see your future? And I go like, maybe you're like a 50-year-old dude that's after divorce or whatever, and I say, I'm looking in your future and you got about 20 good years left of relationship before your body starts breaking down and you're getting old and tired and you don't want to do the dating thing anymore. You don't even try around 70-something, but up until then you got a good active life and you're in good shape and everything else. 20 years— what if I were to tell you you got one relationship that's yay for a few years and then it's eh for the next 17 years? It's kind of like what you had with your ex. Or will you have like 4 subsequent 5-year relationships, 5, 5, 5, 5, and they're all great, but then they— at some point you're just like, both of you are like, I'm just kind of tired of it. Yeah, me too. Next. And then you have another one and another one. What I've seen is the latter, the 5, 5, 5, 5, 4, 5s, um, tends to be the most realistic for a lot of people, especially post-divorce and getting up there in years. You don't have that glue of having kids together and all that good stuff. It's— you're kind of at the whim of what you desire And, uh, desire tends to fade in relationships, hence why you kind of move on after so many years. Um, what if that's your future? Could very well be. I don't know, we'll see. It's— but you're not getting too old. You're 30, if you're talking about yourself, I assume. You know, 32 years of age, you're still a young pup. You got a lot of years ahead of you. Don't fret so much about this. Um, and then Fight giving good advice on, uh, Knowing what you're looking for, what your dynamic is as a couple, um, accountability. Do not follow blind when she tries to change the plan. So in other words, when somebody's like, I'm going against your values and what it is you want out of life, you don't go, oh, okay, you know, you go, time out, and you have those uncomfortable conversations. What you just did there, Miss Girlfriend, me no likey. Please don't do that. And if you continue to do that Sorry, gotta go my separate ways. Easy for me to say, right? Not in the middle of being head over heels in love with a woman and she makes you feel amazing. But you got to recognize she's quite literally one of, you know, everyone always throws at the numbers of millions of women out there. I've always— I've even heard people say billion plus women out there. Let's be realistic, geographic limitations, not all of us can get every woman in the world. And all this. I know my limitations as a dude. So let's say there are tens of thousands of potential women out there for you, and you're so hung up on the one that you're willing to forego your, your values and your identity and who you are for that one. Says a lot about you, and it shows that you don't like yourself a whole hell of a lot. That's something to consider. Um, and then we got Mr. Paul saying marriage is a 50% chance of success. Would you buy a new washing machine if there was only a 50% chance of success? Good point, but let's break that down a little further, Mr. Paul. I didn't put the washing machine together, dude. Um, I didn't go to the factory and go, guys, step back, Ralph's got this, and start getting out my tools and put the damn thing together and then load it up on a truck and take it to my house. That's in essence what marriage is though, isn't it? Sticking to your values, sticking to what it is you like and don't like, having boundaries, knowing who you are as a man, having a mission in life. Bringing another person into your world, sticking to your boundaries, what you will and will not accept. Do they align with your values? If not, beat it. Uh, you— it's like people often— I'm not picking on you, Paul, but so many people in this relationship game talk about it as if they're just completely out of control. Like, yeah, just woman just falls out of the sky, uh, she lands on you, you're like, well, shit, I guess this is my woman. Oh crap, she divorced me. It's like, that's not how it works, dude. You have just as much control over this as she and everyone else does. Um, but when you have a sense of scarcity, when you're pretty insecure, which means I don't like myself a whole hell of a lot, and you'll take whatever you can get, it does feel like the woman just falls in your lap and you're like, oh shit, I guess this is my woman now. It's not the healthiest way to look at it. Mr. Jose says, uh, from Spain, Facebook says, I'm not divorced yet. I've been thinking about divorce for months, even years. Oh, that's not good. Our relationship was broken. I loved her and I still love her, but We rarely any physical contact whatsoever, maybe sex every 3 to 4 months after a lot of begging. Oh, that's not good, dude. And nothing apart from that, no touching, no holding hands. So yeah, so I eventually decided to ask for divorce. Um, she found out what you were planning on and she beat you to the punch and she filed herself. So you're like, I plan on doing this, and she's like, too late, I beat you to it, I am, I'm filing before you. Um, so I was really hurt and moved. That was last June. Uh, is there more here? We're waiting for more. Um, so my friend, let's just break it down. I oversimplify this, but my very top-level perspective has some value in this. I'm not caught up in the weeds like you are, and of love and family and everything else. I'm looking at this just very pragmatically, is the term I often use. I just look at it very data-driven no bullshit fact type of stuff here. And the no bullshit fact is, my friend, based upon everything you've told us— and we have to take you at your word, I'm sure there's another side of the story— but just going by what Jose says here, you and the soon-to-be ex— let's just call her ex— you and the ex-wife had a not good relationship. It was very dysfunctional. It was not healthy. And sounds like she had a lot to do with that. She's just not connected to you in that way. And you begged and pleaded and everything else, and she's like, no, no, no. And when you're like, I think I want a divorce, she's like, Beat you to it, dude. So you made a big mistake. You made a big oopsie there, Mr. Jose. Time to move on. That doesn't necessarily mean to the next relationship. I mean turn the page on this chapter of your life. Lick your wounds and learn, learn your lessons, dude. I'm sure there was a lot to be learned on that. It wasn't a waste of time. Everyone says the same thing, all those years wasted. You learned a lot, dude, about yourself, about relationships, about all that good stuff. And you're going to take that into the next chapter of your life. And do better. What's the alternative? Let's just sit around and beg some more and hope she comes back and all that horseshit? No, don't do that, dude. But thank you for sharing. Enjoy Life from YouTube says, both female and male therapists never address the fact that maybe the wife just isn't attracted to you. Women marry for very different reasons than men. Men realize this later on. Well, it's not so simple. And I'm not necessarily disagreeing with you 100%, but you're not seeing the complete picture here, okay? The— let's take like the most— like José's wife, for example, ex-wife. You look at that situation, you go, well, obviously she doesn't want anything to do with the dude. She's not attracted to him in that way. She's not sexually energized by him. She doesn't feel any romance or passion towards him. And I would go, sure sounds like it, you're right, but that is Now, this window of time, I bet you if Jose is like most people in this situation, if we go backwards, rewind the hands of time and go back to early relationship stage, and if we were to hook up a truth detection machine to her brain, stick it to their head and just say, are you madly in love with this dude? It would come back with, oh, hell yes, I am. This is the woman talking. Yes, I'm, I'm in love with him. Are you attracted to him? And she would say, hell yes, I'm attracted to him. A dude over the top, gaga, as I often say, in love, and I can't imagine being without it. Yay, everything's wonderful! And then what happens? Time goes by, that honeymoon stage fades like it does for everybody, and you're left with the real her, who is a very avoidant, not sexy, not romantic, not whatever human being. She doesn't like vulnerability, she doesn't like to talk, she doesn't like to hold hands. All that's out the window. That's her when she's not drunk in love. So to think that you're going to perpetually have that drunken love throughout the entirety of your relationship is very unrealistic, especially for a woman like Jose's ex. Um, those women don't do well in long-term relationships. They can't keep the spark alive, so to speak. They need the new energy of the new relationship to get any semblance of that out of them. And if they don't have that, they're just like, why am I even here? Sad. Um, in my world, that's a lot of the women that we run into in society in general, they are the minority. Hard, hard to believe, but, um, you know, we have a lot of data and so forth and psychological surveys to determine personality traits and so forth. And most of the time, when you're talking about somebody who's avoidant and doesn't want to open up and be vulnerable and emotional— and, and for women, that ties into the sexual— when they're in long-term relationships, um, more often than not, it's the man that fits that mold. Uh, there are plenty of women out there in the world. It sounds like a Hollywood cliché of the guy that just won't talk, won't open up, and she's like, why won't you talk to me? And he's like, I gotta go to work, you know. And, uh, he wants to get laid but he doesn't want to connect with her in that way, or he doesn't want to get laid and she finds out that he's getting his rocks off with adult entertainment or even hookers or something like that. She's like, what the hell? Because he doesn't see that act as a sexual vulnerable thing. He sees it as a soul physical release kind of thing. That's what he wants to do. There's no emotion tied to it. But in the honeymoon stage, that guy probably acted a lot differently, probably did the love notes, probably did the— brought her flowers, and she was like, yeah, this guy's great. And she's like, you don't realize that ain't really him. That's what we see a lot of. Uh, oh, you had more text below, you think? Oh well, all right then. Yeah, it's not showing up there, and Where are you from, Mr. Jose? Facebook. So here's what I gotta do. I gotta go to Facebook here and I gotta refresh this bamba jamba. Pardon me, Jose, and everyone else. I go to comments on Facebook. Show me the comments, you asshole. There we go. Okay, so continuing on with the Jose story. Jose, I'm going to start over with your— we may cut this and use it as a, a video later, but Jose's comment. Jose from Facebook says, I am not divorced yet, but thinking about divorce for months, even years. Our relationship was broken. I loved her, still love her, but we rarely had any physical contact whatsoever. Maybe, uh, the old sex every 3 to 4 months, and after that, a lot of begging. Ouch. And nothing apart from that. No touching, no holding hands. So you eventually— José eventually decided to ask for divorce. She found out he was planning for divorce, and instead of trying to talk about it, she filed for divorce herself first. And, um, so you, José, were really hurt and you moved, and that was in June. From when that happened, we have been going through lawyers, fights over our two girls. Oh, so there are kids involved. Sorry to hear that. Um, you have not yet received the divorce papers, but they're on the way. At first, I tried to get along, have contact, be friends. And I was miserable. Um, pretty much since I found you, I decided to move ahead, avoid any contact except when necessary about the girls, and I feel a lot better. Good. Actually, I'm a bit scared about the fact that I'm feeling quite well after just 3 months, expecting the worst part to hit any moment. I don't know, but that's briefly my story made short. Pardon me, Cassie, I appreciate your work a lot. Um, well, very good, Mr. Jose. Thank you. Um, So, you know, I don't know if this is necessarily your story, but there's something I kind of can relate to, which is the several months later suddenly like feeling not attached to them anymore. You know, I don't know on a scale from 1 to 10 just how attached you feel emotionally to them still, but that was part of me and my, um Oh, I guess you could say recovery after my, uh, in divorce, which involved infidelity on my ex-wife's part and all the other stuff, was I went from holy crap, we got to save our family, whatever we need to do to keep connected, oh my gosh, why are we doing this, and why are you leaving me and the kids, to understanding I got to cut this out, I'm acting a little crazy, a little nutty, I gotta just cut contact with her, I gotta let her do her thing, stop looking at her social media, stop, you know, all this other stuff. Just let her go. And I did. And I was surprised with myself, José. Um, you probably relate to this, just how much I had let go and how I had zero residual feelings for her anymore after a period of months. This was the woman that I was with for 20 years. This is the woman I was married to for 15. This is the woman I had 3 children with. And after a matter of months, I was just like, I wouldn't get back with her if you paid me a million dollars. It's like, was I, you know, trying to fool myself? Was I trying to out, you know, be macho about this and go, I don't need that woman? No, I legitimately— that connection just dropped, and that was kind of sad. Why is that sad? Um, it kind of paints a picture for, was our connection very superficial in nature? Was it one that was based solely on, I must be with her because she's the mother to my children, and beyond that there's really no reason to be with her? Had I lost attraction to the woman, connection to the woman, that way romantic feelings for the woman, but I was in denial and it took her to cut the cord and leave for me to wake up and go, oh yeah, that probably was a good idea on her part. I really— I don't know, man, maybe that's something you're going through. Maybe it's, um, there's some revelations, some things that you need to kind of roll around your head with a therapist, or you can talk to me about that. I am not a therapist, I'm just a coach or mentor, if you will. Join our group, talk to other guys in the group that have been through the same thing. This is not— yours is not the first time I've heard this kind of sentiment from guys post-breakup. Um, and then Jose, you say, what's so hard for me to understand is that having two kids, 6 and 10 years of age, and a quote good life, she preferred to get divorced before making any effort to solve it. It was literally divorce to her was better than sex. Is that what you're trying to say there? Um, who knows, dude. Um, it could be a variety of reasons, all the way to the most nefarious reason, as I often say, is there was another person in the picture and she caught wind of you somehow wanting to leave her. She's like, oh shoot, good. I was, I was wondering when one of us would, you know, finally realize that this was over. I'll just go ahead and file now. Um, it just could be just a very cold person in that way. She doesn't have a romantic bone in her body, and she feels no attachment to you in that way, and she values her independence above all else. And you're like, but we had such a good life. And you think, I really don't give a shit, dude. That's— I'm fine on my own. I don't need you. I don't need all this. I don't need the family and the romance. Um, that's something that, um, a lot of men in my world have a hard time coming to terms with, is Um, just because she detaches from you emotionally, she's ready to move on, uh, doesn't necessarily mean there's another person in the picture. Sometimes it does, often it does not. Often it means that woman is way happier without a relationship. And then you see these women years later and you're like, she has her apartment, she's on her own, she hangs out every now and then, once in a blue moon, with a friend or something. But other than that, she's kind of a hermit. She enjoys her alone time with her books and her cats and her Netflix, whatever. And that's just kind of who she is, and she's happy with that. Good for her, I guess. But it kind of opens your eyes to— she kind of threw herself into a world with a family and two kids and a husband that really didn't fit her. Maybe she's one of those. Maybe it's just not for her, dude. And that's okay, because you're going to move on without her, and you wish her all the best. And you say, I hope you find peace. I hope you, you're happy, because you're going to be, with or without her, aren't you? Well, without her. You weren't happy with her. Keep that in the back of your mind. Um, Mr. Fite says, what advice would you give to a person who is in that spot where their wife was in love with them when they got married and it has faded? Um, well, Mr. Fite, you've been at this for a while now. In my comments, is that your situation? So you're with a wife who— have you tried like hell to reconnect with her? Have you tried like hell to be a leader within the relationship and saying, we're gonna, we're gonna reconnect, damn it. This is what we're gonna do— the date nights, the weekends away, the— we're gonna go to counseling and talk to somebody, any kind of third party about this, or a relationship coach or something like that. And has she been like, dude, I don't give a shit, I don't want to do any of that stuff? What more? You've been dumped. Yeah, a lot of guys don't come to that realization, like, no, no, there must be something here I'm missing. Yeah, what you're missing is, is that your woman doesn't want anything to do with you anymore. Then why would she stick around? Because she has the kids and the family and the house and the predictability and safety of her relationship. Even if she makes more money than him, even if the kids are out of the house, it's still a predictable, comfortable thing. And that's very important to a lot of women, dare I say probably most women, and they will put up with a lot to attain that. She knows what's going to happen next week or tomorrow. If she's on her own, not so much. It's kind of iffy and scary., and she may be very resistant to that. And then, Mr., um, make sure I'm not missing something. Peter says, hey guys. Well, hey Peter, man, the comments are coming in. Very good, guys, thank you so much. Mr. James from Facebook says, why after 6 months of being divorced do I still hurt and cry every day? How long will it take to heal? Just so frustrating. She initiated, parentheses, no intimacy for several years. She initiated— she initiated the divorce is what you're saying. I'm mid-40s, 13 years married, 6 months divorced. Well, I— my first question to you, Mr. James, would be how much in contact are you with her? It always surprises me because it's so anti-me how many men I talk to have pretty regular contact with their ex. In the form of— I mean, the usual I hear is like, we'll text every now and then about stuff, she'll share stuff about her day with me, and I'm like, that's odd. It's like, well, we're still friends, we're still friendly with each other, and we still love each other, it just didn't work as husband and wife. I'm like, cool, I guess. All the way to, we have lunch every now and then, she comes over for dinner with the kids, and it's like almost like a little quasi-family. And then these are the guys are like, man, why can't I get over this woman? And the analogy that I often use is It's like an alcoholic who's like, I'm gonna stop drinking, drinking is not good for me, but yet he still takes a sip of whiskey every now and then, and he wonders why he just can't get healthy and can't get better and can't get over this booze. Dude, you got to put the bottle down completely. Can't touch it anymore, can't even look at it, get it away from you. Same thing with the ladies. It's, um, you do form kind of a quasi-addiction to them. Uh, they're very much a part of your life, and there's brain chemistry and a lot of biology at play to keep you kind of hooked and connected together. And so when you retain some semblance of that, it's— your body and brain's just like, must hang on, must hang on. And, and what you're experiencing with hurting and crying every day is what? Kind of like withdrawal. I need my drug, I need my drug. How long? Let's say you've stopped the connection and you've moved on from her, yet you're still hurting. Everybody's different, dude. You're not weak, you're not a weirdo. Some guys, it takes a long-ass time to get over this. Um, this is one of those moments where, let's say you're on the couch alone at home one day and flipping through TV or whatever it is, and something kind of triggers you, as they often say, that makes you feel really sad and you start to tear up a little bit. This is not where you go, man up, dude, what's wrong with you? This is where you go, all right, what is it about this thing on TV that upsets me so much? And it may be, um, I'm seeing a family on TV that they're all so sweet and loving with each other, and the husband and wife are kissing in the kitchen, the kids look all happy. That's all I wanted, and the wife divorced me and everything else, and I just feel bad about myself. This is you talking to yourself, and you say, well, that's normal. You're a human being. You're going to feel bad. Uh, bask in the feel-badness, I guess you could say, in the pain, and understand it and feel it and just say, it's okay, you'll be all right, you'll survive, and it will get better. The more you try to push it away and suffocate it— no, no, I'm not feeling it— the more it just builds and builds and gets intense. And next thing you know, you're angry and you're fighting somebody in a parking lot, and you're like, where the hell did that come from? You just haven't dealt with your feelings properly. Deal with it. It may be, why am I having this right now, feeling sad right now? Well, because I'm bored and I'm not doing anything and I'm just sitting here. And, or it could be because I haven't slept really well in the last week because of work and whatever it is. Or I've been eating like shit, or I've been drinking a little bit more than normal. Make a, um, a journal, a literal journal book, pen and paper. What I ate, if I took a nap today or not, how much I slept. And you may start noticing patterns. Huh, I'll be damned, on the weeks that I have to work a lot of overtime and I don't get much sleep, that's when I had my little panic attack. Maybe something to that. That's when I was having a really rough time and cried about my ex. Because when you're worn down, a lot of that emotion stuff comes up. And, uh, it may be as simple as that. Maybe as simple as biology. You're not taking care of yourself. It may be, um, you're the type of guy like me who needs to exercise on a daily basis in some way, or else you start feeling kind of cruddy, start feeling kind of anxious. And so you need to exert yourself and push. It's like your body's saying, dude, why aren't you getting up and moving? So you gotta move. After work today, I'm gonna go, um, a couple hours after I get off from chatting with you guys, I'm gonna go to the gym. And do I love the gym? It's, it's been part of my culture for a while now, my life. I don't necessarily go, I can't freaking wait to go to the gym, but it's more of, it's just what I do. It's part of my, my routine, my discipline. If I don't do it, I know I feel poopy, so I go do it. And one of those things is I feel kind of yucky, anxious, sad, and everything else, so I gotta exert myself. That's me, that's my prescription. You didn't need to figure out what that is for you and give yourself some grace and give yourself a break and understand that not everybody's the same. 6 months, dude, still pretty early. Sorry, I know it sucks and I know the pain hurts, but you just have to trust me and others when we tell you it gets better. But to expedite the get better process, keep away from her, please. No texting, no talking, no reaching out, no looking at her social media pages, no, none of that. Let her go if you haven't already. That's the— that's where it all starts. Um, Mr. BP. Mr. BP Quinn says— Mr. BP from Facebook says, I started listening and being available. I show empathy and things have begun to change. I'm not looking at divorce as I have two teenagers that need their dad. It's not toxic by any means, so I figured, what the heck, I'll do the work. It's working. Maybe. Who knows? I know I just left expectations at the door. It has helped. Very good for you. So you're like, you set your ego aside 'Why isn't she doing something? Damn it.' But you're like, 'You know what? Only thing I can control is me. Let's, let's put some effort in here.' And you're starting to see things turn around. That's awesome. Very good. I hope it works out. Knock on wood. And Kevin, another, uh, member of our brotherhood, I assume same Kevin, says, 'My spouse is moving out this week and it's a happy day. No more arguing and no, no more hurting the kids.' So very good. Um, James, you say you got 5 kids together? Holy shit, dude, what are their ages? And, um, so you're in contact a lot? Yeah, but you're in contact about the logistics of the kids, I assume, right? She's not sending you a wall of text of how pissed she is and then you answer her back and you're back and forth for an hour or so talking about stuff you really don't need to talk about. You get into the habit of just going, okay, yes, no, And that's it. Or just flat out not answering a lot of stuff. A lot of guys get really good at that. You get the big angry text from her about something and you're like, wait a minute, I don't need to say anything here, do I? I don't have to say anything at all. There's no— there's nothing here to answer other than trying to defend myself or tell her that she's crazy or that she's mistaken, she's remembering wrong, she told me something different. I'm— put phone down. You'll find you'll have a lot more of those moments than not. Uh, Mr. W says, I've been away for 10 months, separated while we are doing the divorce. I moved 40 miles up north to a buddy's house. I have a company— I'm a— I have a company man. I think you mean van. Company van. I'm in the trades, HVAC. It helps to talk those feelings out. Very good. And then James says his 5 kiddos are under the age of 11. Ouch, sorry to hear that, brother. So you gotta— you got a basketball team there. So yeah, that's a lot to take in. That's— I had 3 of them when I went through my stuff about 13 years ago now. Can you believe that? 2 of mine are adults now, and got another one's a teenager. And then my wife Natalie and I have a daughter of our own. I got 4 of them buggers, so I'm right there with you. And, um, that's tough. There's no way around it. There's no magic formula. There's no me— I'm gonna say flip a switch and you'll be all better. There are plenty of guys out there that will sell you on the here's what you do and you'll be all better, and I'm sure they'll take a ton of your money to tell you that, but they're all bullshitting you. Um, there's this concept of, you know, how to get over a woman, you get under 10 others. There's some validity to it in terms of it does take a man's energy from ex and put it on new one, but that's not necessarily a good thing. You're not addressing it. You're using these women as human Band-Aids, as I've say, human aspirin to make you, to make you feel better. And, um, it's not good to use people in that way. Make me feel better, woman, give me sex. On to the next one, on to the next thing. You know, you've gone through 20 women and you're still a broken mess. It's not a good thing. Um, and we got W saying, uh, you thought what you had was codependency. Uh, you have been with her since you were 17 years of age and now you're both 52. Oh wow. You had no idea how to live by yourself. You have a recovery sponsor for alcohol, very good, and mentor for what you're going through. Yeah, a lot of similarities there in that world, isn't there, with that codependency in the, in the alcoholism world? That's where that term became most popular when it was first introduced. Codependency was in the world of alcoholics. So, um, well, I'm glad you're taking care of yourself, and you have, um, identified something that I think a lot of men don't want to admit because it's a sign of, quote, weakness. Um, it makes them not look very strong, which is, I really don't like to be by myself. Um, I would say, I'm going to go out on a limb and say the majority of men that I run into that I talk to one-on-one that belong to our group, they waste no time at all jumping into a new relationship after relationship one ends. Being by themselves is a scary— I don't know if scary is the word— very uncomfortable. They just don't, don't like it. And so they put themselves on the dating market, and a new pretty gal makes them feel really, really good, and they want to keep that up, and they try to keep that up as much as possible. And when it doesn't work, they go right back out there and do it again. And you know what's interesting is just saying that out loud, you kind of get a picture of maybe like a little kind of a meek guy that doesn't have a lot of relationship experience, and maybe he doesn't have a— he's kind of insecure and doesn't like himself a whole heck of a lot. It's funny that I see a lot of what you would call your alpha male types, which is very extroverted, kind of a hyper-masculine kind of persona about them. Those guys really don't like to be alone. They go right into a new relationship right away. I mean, there's talk about the ink's not drying on the divorce yet. They maybe haven't even technically divorced yet, and they're already out there and they got them a new one. And it's always like a one moment right away, it's like, this is my new one. It's like, oh shit, dude, that was fast. I hear that a lot. Something about their extroversion and their need for connection and everything else. It's, it's an Interesting, um, guys, it's been already like an hour. Holy shit, that went by fast. But I do thank you all for joining me here, but I do need to go and get some more work done before I head to the old gymnasium, pump some iron. But I want to say thank you all for joining me today. This has been a really good one. Started off a little slow, but thank you for all the comments. Muchas gracias, Jose, and thank you to James. Jimmy James, thank you to W. Who else we got on here? Kevin, BP, Peter said hey guys, and that was always heard from Peter. Hey, right back to you, Mr. Fight. Oh, Fight for Better Now is always a constant here, thank you. Mr. A, whose name I cannot pronounce. Kenneth, enjoy life with the good comment there. Mr. Paul, thank you all so very much, guys. Once again, I'm gonna I'm going to keep pushing this, and it's not because I'm trying to get rich off— nobody, ain't nobody getting rich off this, trust me. But I'm trying to help out as many men as we can, and I created this organization solely for that purpose. So to hear like the same problems over and over again from the same guys, I'm like, dude, it's the group. Hundreds and hundreds of men from around the world standing by to help you. So guys, check it out, help4men.com/join. If I didn't mention before, all my books, all these books that I've written, you get them all at no extra charge if you're a member of the group. Including the audiobook format, including this new edition of Red Flags that just came out. And I got another new book that I'm working on now, it's at the editor, that should be coming out by the end of the year called Rebuild, which I think a lot of you guys will love. And, uh, like I said, the meeting recordings, the private coaching, the courses and get-togethers, all kinds of good stuff. Check it out, helpformen.com/join, and learn more about the Brotherhood, guys. But once again, thank you all so very much. I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Um, I'm gonna end things with James's excellent final, um, uh, comment here. He says, yep, uh, I've been— you've been under many, so you've had a lot of sexual relationships here in the past few months. Yeah, but it's been like trading one misery for another. Sexless marriage with a woman I love versus lots of sex with women that I don't. This is very big of you, James. This is very well put. I've real— uh, really realized how codependent I am. It sounds like you are. It's a tough adjustment being alone. It just feels like I'm in the Twilight Zone. I'm just full of anxiety and fear all the time. I've tried therapy, meds, and a few therapists who can't help. Uh, don't give up. Keep trying. Are you in our group, Mr. James? The Brotherhood? Um, you'll have a lot of guys there that can help you out, meetings to help you out, chat with myself. But you kind of need to keep digging. I'm sure therapists have done this, um, they're far more qualified than I am at kind of digging into the root cause of a lot of this. And a lot of it is, um, your childhood stuff that you dealt with, probably some shitty stuff in there whether you admitted it or not. In hindsight you're like, okay, maybe that was a little shitty, or maybe you're not aware of what actually is shitty and what's not in, in family and relationship with parents. But it always starts there, like always, 100% of the time. If you have a guy that has this kind of— talks about his anxiety and is jumping from woman to woman and trying to be very codependent, it's like, tell me about mom and dad. That's what every therapist will say. So you need to get to the bottom of that and give yourself some grace and understand like where you're coming from and start building tools there to cope with all this stuff. But you're not alone. Very, very— you're the majority of my audience right there. So guys, once again, thank you all so very much. Appreciate all of you. Hope you have a wonderful weekend, and we'll catch you on the next one, which will be— when is the next one of these? Hell, I don't know. I don't have it here in front of me. I think it's next week. Anyway, until then, a toodaloo.