Chat LIVE With Ralph (DSO)!

All right, it says I'm live. Let's see if that's true. Yeah, we're good. All right. Howdy do, everyone! How you guys doing today? Me, I'm good. I got a little bit of a weird issue here with my setup, so I— pardon me if I seem a little discombobulated. Don't I always during these live things? I'm still getting used to this, folks. I'm sorry, I'm not very smart. There we go, cool. I just had to blow up my screen here. Very cool. Now I can see all you guys. Welcome everybody. I am looking at my comments here. I have a whole little system set up here where I can see the comments coming in, whether it's from Facebook or whether it's from YouTube. We are on the Facebook channel— channel, is that the right word? Account for Dad Starting Over Help for Men. Same for YouTube. And then, um, Help for Men, Dad Starting Over YouTube, two different channels, two different accounts on Facebook as well as on X or Twitter. If you guys are watching on X, Twitter, whatever, I can't see any comments because you're not able to comment on it, but you can just sit back and watch. Give me a like if you could. That tells everybody that you like what you're watching. In fact, that goes for everybody here. If you like what you're watching— hold on a second, hold on. Am I good here? Oh man, I guess I'm good. Let me just say Save. Hold on. Save new layout. Okay, cool. All right, sorry again, I got error messages popping up here. But anyway, if you like what you're watching— maybe I shouldn't say that after such a rough start. Um, if you're a fan of mine, a follower of mine, maybe that's a better term, uh, you like my material I put out there, I tell you what, hitting like on these lives helps out a great deal. Thank you so very much. Hitting like, hitting share, all that good stuff. So if you're watching this right now, do me a quick favor. Click like wherever you're at on YouTube, on Facebook, on X. Helps me out a great deal. And then I can see again, uh, if you leave a comment. That's how these things work, is typically I do these lives and people jump in and leave little comments. Ralph Brewer, got a question for you, got a story to share, whatever it may be. And then I read it out loud for everyone here to enjoy, and then we go from there, and then the conversation takes off. These can be anywhere from an hour or so in length, um, if nobody's involved. If nobody chimes in or anything, I'll cut it off like 15 minutes. Um, but it's not to sit and let Ralph pontificate about all things Ralphdom, uh, in the world of Dad Starting Over, Help for Men, but to interact with you folks, you fine folks. So if you see some value to that, uh, for some strange reason, first of all, thank you, and second of all, let's hear it. Let's hear what you got to say. Um, all ears, ladies and germs. Looks like everything's good on my end here. Um, give me a like, thumbs up, leave a comment, let me know Usually what kind of gets things going on these is let me know where you are joining us from in the world. I always like to hear where everybody's from and where in the world, because we get people from all over. A lot of people in the UK, America, Australia, and everywhere in between, usually all the English-speaking places. So let me know where you're watching me from, ladies and germs. Let's hear it. And as I talk, people are filing in here, so thank you. Welcome everybody. Let's take a sip of me coffee. Oh, okay. Well, Mr.— Mr., I assume this is a Mr. Um, S-T-A, I will call you Sta. I don't want— I don't know, I'm not sure what that says. So Mr. Sta from YouTube has a pretty big question right out of the gate here. Thank you, by the way, for sharing this. How do you convince a 40-plus-year-old modern woman Uh, he says, yeah, I'm an old man from BC, British Columbia, I assume. Um, start over. How do you convince a 40-plus-year-old modern woman to stop being a Bumble 304? I know that— hey, I'm cool, I'm hip with it even though I'm an old dude. I'm 50 this year, by the way. I'm down with the lingo, kiddos. I know that means like a hoe, I guess you could say. I— who was it that taught me this? Lauren, the Dadvocate, you know Lauren, she said that, or 304 or something came up in one of our chats online, and I go, what the hell is that? And she's like, it's like a calculator. If you type out 304 and then flip it upside down, what does it look like? I'm like, oh, it's like, oh, the kids these days are creative. So, um, so acting like a promiscuous validation attention-seeking woman, I assume, is what that means. 304, keep it as, as, uh, politically correct as possible. Um, so anyway, 40-plus-year-old modern woman, how do you stop her from being a Bumble whatever, um, to receive validation from random strangers and fake men? What a loaded question, Mr. Stah. So you are saying, um, I assume that means a woman that you are with. Are you, or are you speaking of some like platitudes like women in general? So I assume if you're with a woman in particular and you are in a relationship with her, and it is presumably or outwardly you have made the case that, hey, it's just you and me, by the way. We're clear on this, right? You don't date around. You certainly don't sleep with other people. How I work in relationships is it's me and only me and you and only you together, and we go through life together. Cool. Or we date or whatever. And I hold on a second. And And then she violates that and says, "Nah, dude, I know that's what you want, but that's not what I want. I want to go to the dating profiles and put my face out there and get attention from other people, from other men," presumably. Not always, by the way. I often hear the genders where the women are going, you know, oh, how to say it, exploring their sexuality. That's common these days. But, and by that I mean with men and women. But you're saying she's getting the validation, random strangers, fake men, all that good stuff. And then you follow up to that, you say another comment is she is fearing loss of having a kid, so, um, so being promiscuous and looking for a sugar daddy to get her a kid. And I was but gave up. Dude, this just— all kinds of questions are coming to mind. What the hell kind of craziness have you introduced us here? Thank you for sharing, Mr. Stah, but this just brings up all kinds of Here's my genuine response to such a question. So what this means is, um, why are you involved with such craziness? That is so foreign to me. And that is not because I'm better than you. It's not because, you know, I'm smarter or whatever it may be. It's because that world is again so completely foreign to me. You know, if I was dating somebody or whatever, or getting to know them, having drinks and date number 2, 3, whatever, and this comes out— by the way, Um, you fear the— I fear the loss of having a child. This is something that's never— I've never had been able to experience, and therefore I'm going and getting my needs in and chatting with men all over the internet looking for a sugar daddy to help me make a kid and all this other stuff. I'd be like, wow, cool. Hey, whatever floats your boat, sister, more power to you. Shake her hand, get up from the table, and walk away. Is that tough? Yeah, for some people it's tougher than for others. People don't like drama, people don't like, you know, raising a stink, don't want to be the mean bad— the bad guy, so to speak, in all this. But you have certain boundaries and certain values and so forth, and somebody very plainly says, hey, let me show you how I'm the complete opposite of all that. That's where you go, oh shit, well, good knowing you, see ya. Um, and then you say you only found out after a few months, so you've been involved with her in some degree for a few months, and then she comes out with all this. Hey, this is Learn this about me. And then you're back to your original question. How do you convince her to stop? You don't, Mr. Stah. Okay, cool. You followed up with another comment. I dumped her as soon as I found out the truth. Cool. So what are we talking about then? Let me fill in the blanks here a little bit. You're doing what a lot of guys do. Okay, I'm putting words in your mouth. I could be way off, Mr. Stah, so please forgive me, but I'm not necessarily just talking to you. I'm talking to the world at large here, the men in my audience in particular. Um, there is something that I see again and again, which, which a lot of this behavior, like what you stumbled upon with this gal, can be kind of explained away as, yeah, some people are nuts. Yeah, some people got problems. Some people introduce all kinds of chaos into their life. Yeah, some people do crazy shit. It's, oh well, and you move on away from them. You go around them. I'm trying to, you know, um, a common analogy that I use is You ever lived in like a city, an urban area, live in an apartment, or you got an office downtown or whatever? Sure shit, you leave said office, apartment, you come outside, you're bound to run into like a crazy quote-unquote homeless person screaming and yelling and looking like a mess and smelling like shit and acting nutty. What does everybody do in that case? They wide berth around them. They walk around them like, oh, and stay away from Crazy Joe here. And you just go about your business. You don't sit all day going, I can't believe Crazy Joe. Can you believe Crazy Joe yelling what he yelled? Can you believe that he would say what he said and how he acts and how he smells bad and how he doesn't bathe? Can you believe Crazy Joe? No, you just go, Crazy Joe, and you go about your day, right? You don't even think about it. Don't worry about it. It's just, yeah, there's crazy homeless people. Probably drugs, alcohol, mental illness, all the above. But for the women in our lives when we see even those that we kind of casually know, maybe just for a couple of few months or whatever, we're just like blown away by that. She did what? She said what? She wants what in her life? She did what to who? Instead of doing the same kind of, eh, crazy people exist, and moving on. From how I've, you know, interpreted this from talking to so many men is that it kind of points to our innate sense of scarcity in relationships. We don't have that many options, many of us in this world. So when we run into a gal that we really hit it off with, we want to hang on to them. Like, don't let this one go. This doesn't come around all that often, does it? And so even when things get really kind of toxic and weird and crazy, we— maybe I can look past that and continue on with her. And then when she really drops something in your lap, you're like, Christ, here we go. And then you do— a lot of guys, oh, all these women, all these crazy— no, dude, you just ran into a crazy one. It happens, no biggie. Um, that's coming from me, easy for me to say, I guess. Natural sense of abundance, although I am married, and maybe many of you don't know that. I got 4 kids, been married twice, still on marriage number 2, knock on wood, and been cheated on. Uh, I've experienced all kinds of crazy in my relatively short dating period between marriages and before. And yeah, well, I experienced crazy, trust me. But, um, You know, what I don't do is then go into people and say, can you— what do I do to fix this woman over here? You don't. You just— crazy homeless dude, man. Go around them is what it is. Let her go. Um, she, she recontacted you by email, you say, back to Mr. Stah here for those watching in, and you're not sure if she changed her 304 ways. Here we go again. Or is she looking for me to be her backup? Noise. Who cares? You see that email from her, you're like, oh shit, I forgot to block her. Block. Done. Eliminate the crazy from your life, dude. Walk around the crazy homeless person. Don't walk right up to crazy homeless person and go, come on in, dude. You know what you do? I often continue with this analogy. I say this often, so apologize if you've heard me say it a few hundred times. Do you go up to Crazy Joe, the homeless, crazy drug addict, schizophrenic alcoholic dude, and you go, Joe, Joe, easy, buddy. Come on in, let's bring you into my house. Come on, let's go up to my apartment, get you a shower, get you some food, and you'll feel all better. All right, buddy? No. Some people do, some really charitable types, God bless them, but 99.9% of people would not do that. Why? Because you know you bring crazy Joe into your house, he's going to stink up the place, he's going to raid your refrigerator, he's going to take a shit in the kitchen sink. It's not going to be fun. It's gonna be nuts. And then you have to call the police to get rid of the guy, and it's just, ugh, you know. But here you are, you're Crazy Joe, you're gal, you're like, uh, email me, sure. And then you got— you're even questioning, like, man, maybe she ain't crazy no more, maybe she's learned her lesson. But why millions of women? You know, that's an exaggeration. Let me, um, let's make it more realistic. Let's say tens of thousands of potential mates for you, Mr. Stah. Tens of thousands potential women out there. That is not an exaggeration. Tens of thousands of potential mates for Mr. Stah, whether it's casual, whether it's real, whatever. And you're wasting your time with this horseshit. Move on, my friend. All right, all right, folks, thanks for joining me. Anybody else got anything? We got Mr. Keith saying What's up, Ralph? What's up, Mr. Keith? Keith from Facebook, thank you for joining me today. Um, you know, I got right into it. Thanks to Sta and others for, for leaving comments right off the bat. I really appreciate it. But real quick, if you're watching this, you're like, who's bald dude? What's going on? What's this all about? My name is Ralph Brewer Brewer Brewer. I've been putting out content for years and years under the name of Dad Starting Over because I did exactly that about 13 years ago now. I was a dad and I was starting over in life after a divorce and all that other nastiness. I wrote on the topic. I wrote on a variety of different topics related to being a dude in this world. And do I have it here? I actually do. I got a stack of books here in front of me. Excuse me here for a moment as I make some noise. Um, I wrote this book, The Dead Bedroom Fix. I wrote that thing, um, years ago, and this is actually the third edition, as the little top, if you can't read that banner, implies there. Does it focus in on that? You know, look at that, third edition, it says up there, right? That came out last year, 2024. First edition was 2017. Surprise success, 2020, even bigger success. And the third edition in 2024, a little slow out the gate, I'm not gonna lie to you. But that's been the most impactful thing as far as sales, money, and everything else is concerned. And the amount of feedback I get from guys all over the world, this is the number one thing I've ever done. A book about sex and marriage. Who would have thunk it, right? After all the things I've ever spoken about on the topic of a dude starting over in life and my thoughts on relationships, that was the one thing— The Dead Bedroom Fix. This book gets more people to me in my world than anything else. But thanks to that book, it gets a lot of guys in the door, and then we talk about the deeper issues. It ain't all about sex, dude. It's all about how you were raised, what you think it is to be a man in today's world, like the kind of women you get with and the kind of people you surround yourself with, and kind of goals you have in life and your thoughts on masculinity and being a leader and being a good father and being a good friend and all these other things. This gets the guys in the door, and then we talk about the real stuff. And where we talk about the real stuff— I see some more comments coming through. I'll be with you here, guys, in just a second. Um, go here, go to help4men.com/join, and that's a page that we have dedicated to guys that just want to join our private community just for men. No ladies. Sorry, ladies, love you, but you're not invited. Um, we have discussion, private discussion forums just for men, very, very active. We have live Zoom meetings, bunch of those every week. We record all of them, over 1,000 hours of recorded meetings at this point. You can listen to them on your phone like a podcast. Uh, we have all my books that I've written, this one in addition to— do I have others? No, I don't. Um, oh, you can see them behind me. I forgot there's a couple of them right behind me. Dead Bedroom Fix, Real Talk, Red Flags, Divorce Panic, all those you can download and read in text format on your phone, in PDF format, or you can actually listen to the audiobook version. No additional charge for those members of that group. HelpForMen.com/join. Our group is called the Brotherhood, HFM, Help for Men Brotherhood. Um, what's the connection between Dad Starting Over and Help for Men? For years I put out content and everything just under the name of Dad Starting Over. You tend to hear things such as, but I'm not a dad, I don't want to divorce, I'm not technically starting over, but I love your content, I love what you put out, I love this book and everything else. Um, It's kind of a barrier. And I said, well, how can we create a more inclusive brand, bring more guys into the fold? I want to keep creating content under the Dad Starting Over name. That's got some legs. It's hundreds of thousands of people, you know, follow me doing that. But I want a larger organization that appeals to more men that we can have Dad Starting Over as well as other creators under, you know, to help promote the group, create this private community just for men, do all these things, help out as many men as we can, keep the cost as low as possible. We're not trying to get rich off of this. We're just trying to help as many dudes as we can. Because we got a lot of dudes, got a lot of issues. If you watch my videos and stuff, just look at the comments, you can tell a whole bunch of dudes in the comments. I see the regulars that should belong to this group, eh, helpforwomen.com/join, the Brotherhood, that aren't in it but should be. It's not going to cost you an arm and a leg. There is a small fee involved. Three-fourths of our membership— oh, just shy of three-fourths of our membership join, and then they sign up for what we call the lifetime option. They don't want to do the little monthly fee. They're just like, how can I just pay you all at once and not have to worry about that? Almost 3/4 of the guys do that. So that says a lot about our group. A lot of value, mentorship, and, you know, having a group of people around you, almost like a— oh, what do you call it— like your, your board, you know, at the, at the company. You have a board of people around you, board of advisors around you. So think of that, but it's in the hundreds and hundreds of people from around the world, just guys who've been through this kind of shit. Sorry, excuse my language. This kind of stuff. Enough plug. help4men.com/join. Check it out. Oh, let me see here what we got. So, and then I'm— pardon me for the pause here, guys. Dead air, as we used to say in the radio biz. Um, um, it's not easy to ignore her, Mr. Stah says. Going back to the troubled gal who he was involved with before. It's not easy to, quote, ignore her. You got a bit of attraction. Well, probably, probably attracted to a lot of women. And if you're attracted to only psychos and weirdos, you need to look at that, dude. Um, I know, easy to say move on, but it's like finding water, finding a water hole in the desert. That says it all, isn't it? You just, um, what you spelled out is what we call, um, scarcity when it comes to relationships. I don't have much to choose from, dude. Oh yeah, you do. Um, it's funny, there's this pervasive thought, especially on the internet, amongst men looking for a mate— or maybe they were and they gave up on the idea, or maybe they just enjoy bellyaching and being pissed off at the world about women or whatever— but common refrain from a lot of those guys is, man, you got to look a certain way, you got to make so much money, and you got to have so much of size genitalia or whatever it is in order to get women these days. And I said, I get it, I know what you're saying. Yeah, there seems to be some data to back this up in terms of like, uh, dating apps and so forth. We can see, you know, what women are looking at. It seems to be a relatively small portion of men on the, on the dating apps. So you can extrapolate that. And we've seen throughout history, yes, women tend to get with a relatively small group of men. But here's the kicker, guys. It doesn't take much to go from here, like, let's say, like the totem pole. More apt, um, imagery would be like a pyramid. So the tippy top of the pyramid, it's this little much real estate, right? Those few tippy top men at the top are, are who? Your bazillionaires, your male models, fitness model, you know, like those over-the-top kind of obviously quote hot dudes or super rich dudes. They're never hurting for companionship, are they? No, they may not have long-term good healthy companionship, but they I get laid, and that's what's important to a lot of guys. Just put it out there, be blunt. And then as the pyramid goes down, the, the base grows and grows, and we have a lot of men at the bottom not getting a whole lot. And most of us are somewhere in the middle, that little average range there. And, um, what they've all determined is it's only the tippy top that get it. But we have to understand this, the scale of ranking men, if you will. And this is such a Silly shallow thing to say, but there's some validity to it. Um, it doesn't take much to go from the base, that fat bottom bunch of losers, even guys below the pyramid in the basement. It doesn't go— take much to go from here to here. To say you got to have six figures, six— what do the guys say? Six figures, six inches, six foot. Horseshit. I know plenty of men that you look at them visually and go, really? And by the way, he lives in with his parents still. Really? And he's getting laid like tile, getting more ass than a toilet seat. Insert funny analogy here. And you're like, yeah, right, come on, that's, that's an anomaly. In a way it is. You know why? Because he's charming, got a good personality about him. He's really low in anxiety, usually puts himself out there. He doesn't give a shit what anybody thinks. He just goes out and has fun, goes dancing, goes whatever. Just by virtue of, you know, the numbers game. He puts himself in front of 19, 20, 30, 40, 50 women in a night and says, I'm Joe, how you doing? Nice to meet you, good looking. The fact that he does that 50 times in a night and then he gets 4 numbers versus Mr. Anxious, well, no girls are gonna like me. He does it twice, gets shot down, and he's done. And then you go to Mr. Anxious and he's like, this market sucks. Then you go to chubby guy over here who got laid twice last week and he's like, I don't know what you guys are talking about, it works for me. See the difference there? It's the mindset. So I know, long-winded way of saying Mr. Stott and others, um, he says again, he's reiterating the, uh, um, uh, scarcity thing. He says, I've been single for almost 20 years, found some water in the desert. It's not as easy to, quote, move on, ignore her, crazy. Well then, dude, jump on the crazy train, jump in the crazy watering hole, whatever analogy you want to use. You're going to get burnt. And you know what you're going to say? You're going to say what every guy says: fuck, I shouldn't have done that. That was nuts. That was— that was— wow, that was a lot of chaos, a lot of crazy. Sure had some fun, but now I'm broke, got an STD, blah blah blah, whatever it may be. Insert horrible life things here. You've been warned, my friend. And others watching this. Mr.— Miss Shelley, pardon me, on Facebook is saying, Ralph Brewer, can a gal like me find one of your Help for Men graduates? So I appreciate that, but what you basically mean is guys with a good head on their shoulders, guys that are trying, guys that are, uh, oh, I don't know, good, well-rounded— to use a term that Dr. Robert Glover uses often, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy— an integrated man. A Renaissance man, if you will. He's, you know, not afraid to be a leader, not afraid to be tough, not afraid to be vulnerable, not too hard on the eyes. He's ambitious, get a career. Yeah, Miss Shelley, I'm going to be honest with you, tough to find, right? Um, but some of that, just like with the dudes, you gotta look at yourself, Miss Shelley, and go, why do I keep attracting losers, womanizers, shitheads, a-holes, whatever you want to call it? If that's in fact what's going on. Something up here in you that attracts or is attracted to that type of person. It's kind of like the dudes that are, um, I deal with a lot of guys that are neurodivergent. Big word that means basically like your ADHD guys, your autism spectrum. Those guys fall under the category of neurodivergent, and they tend to have, um, or diverse is another— neurodiverse you'll hear it called. They tend to have problems getting with the ladies. And they're like, if I do get with a woman, she's just really bad news, and I don't like that world. I don't like, you know, doing drugs and casual sex and all that stuff. I want like a real relationship. And you go to the guys and go, well, let's start at the beginning. How are you meeting these women? So I go to the club, I'm like, timeout. If— what do you like to do, dude? And the dude's like, I like to put together model airplanes and play Dungeons and Dragons and play my computer games. And play disc golf. I don't know, I'm picking random shit. And I'm like, have you explored the world, your network of computer games and Dungeons Dragons and disc golf? And well, there's no ladies that do that. Well, yeah, but you're involved in that world. Get more involved in that world. There may be a friend of a friend and maybe a— and you just get involved in the community more. You'll be around more like-minded individuals who fit your mold better. Not necessarily a guarantee of no drama, no everything, but you're more apt to find people like you. So there you go. Um, gonna join today, says Keith. Well, thank you, Mr. Keith, I appreciate that, buddy. Love to see— can't wait to see you. Just when you get on there and you get into our group and chat or meeting, whatever, say, hey, it's Keith from your Facebook. So Facebook, uh, the live stream. Uh, Mr. Jeff says from Facebook, I honestly don't have any hope for my wife. I should leave, but the old saying, it's cheaper to keep her, keeps me here. Pretty sad, really. That may be the case monetarily, but I would push back a little bit, Mr. Jeff. Oh, it scrolled on me. There we go. Um, do you know that for a fact? 9 times out of 10, when I hear guys say this, dude, I'm gonna be raped in court. Sorry, use that R word. That's not a good thing to use. Amber Alert, my phone says. Okay, cool to know why it needs to blow up my phone. Cool. Anyway, sorry. Um, When guys tell me that, I know I'm just going to get screwed. I know she's going to take me for like 90% of my money. I know, I know, I know. How do you know? Basically, it's because that's what I hear from everybody. Who? Internet, my uncle so-and-so, blah, blah. Here's, here's who you should listen to and nobody else. Hello, Mr. Attorney. Let me put all my information in front of you. Here's a spreadsheet. This outlines our debts, everything that we owe, the remaining payments, the what, what asset these debts are tied to, if any, etc., etc. Here are our assets. Here are the things that we own. Here's the vehicle, here's the home, here's the net equity in all this. You know, you owe $20,000 on your car, but it's worth $25,000, $5,000 equity, and on and on. Do like the, um, you'll save the attorney a lot of time if you come prepared with all this stuff. And they'll say, oh wow, oh, and by the way, here's the kid situation. We have all these kids, and here's Here's our employment situation. I work, mom doesn't, whatever it may be. And on and on and on. Put it all on paper. Have you done that? Is what I say to a lot of men. And usually the answer is no. I haven't even talked to anybody about any of this. No attorney, no nothing. Then you have zero idea what in the hell you're talking about. You may come away from said meeting going, oh shit, I'm about to get screwed. Mr. Attorney Man told me to save my pennies and this is what I'm going to end up spending. And I did the math and oh boy, wow. Okay, yeah, maybe it is cheaper to keep her. Or you may leave and say what a lot of guys say: it's actually not that bad. Yeah, I'll pay child support. No, I won't pay alimony. In fact, 90% of the time— let this sink in, guys— 90% of the time in divorces, men, or either spouse, does not pay alimony. If there is alimony, it's like 90% of the time it's the man paying the woman. But 90% of the time, there's no alimony involved. Yet when I talk to guys that are thinking about divorce, they would think they're just going to pay like this woman $8,000 a month and blow up. It's like, why? Child support is usually based upon— yes, there's, there's an equation. It varies state to state, country to country, so I can't tell you. But who can tell you? An attorney. An attorney. An attorney. An attorney. If you're a British person, a solicitor, lawyer. If you're in America, whatever you want to call it, they're the only ones that will be able to tell you. So, Jeff, Go talk to a professional and get your, get your shit straight, mister. Uh, Mr. Stah says, my knowledge tells me that 1% of men screw with 90% of women. No. Uh, then those women treat the other 90% of men like they were treat— like, like they were treated like a town bicycle or public toilet. Okay, so you're on the internet too much, my friend. 1% of dudes screw 90% of women? No, no one. No. And let's say that was the case. Oh well, what are you gonna do? You— so you're still telling yourself, I have to— Ralph Brewer, you don't understand. I have to put up with crazy in my life. I have to put up with toxic women. Oh shit, because I'm lucky just to be able to be in the same room with them. So to turn them away just because they hurt me, rob me, give me an STD, cheat on me— hell no, buddy. I'm gonna put— terrible mindset to be in, my friend. Really bad. You got some work to do up here. That goes for a lot of you. You got some work to do. I keep finding— I keep Fine, I'm doing this, tapping my baldness up here, going, guys, gals, and I'm not speaking out of school here. Same, I had to go through all this shit myself. Keith says you've been a professional singer your whole adult life. Oh, very good. Still struggle with anxiety and ADHD, being a pleaser and seeking of approval my whole life. Keith from Texas. Whereabouts in Texas, Mr. Keith? I am right now as we speak in Plano, Texas. If you ever see this backdrop, which I got a new camera, new back, I'm still working on getting all this right. This means I'm in Texas. If you see the other backdrop, which I'm going to work on, the other one, I'm going to get that all set up as well. That means I'm in Kentucky. I bounce between the two places. Long story, I don't want to go into it, but anyway, whereabouts in Texas are you? And you may have been in one of these before. Sorry, I don't remember names unless there's some like holy shit, uh, uh, you know, dramatic thing. I usually don't remember names on this. Don't take it personally, I'm just dumb. Um, anywho, Uh, but the anxiety and ADHD thing, um, welcome to the club. That is the majority of my audience. I'm— dare I say, the ADHD neurodivergent thing. Anxiety for sure is the, the default. If you're a male viewer of mine taking in my material, reading my books, and watching the videos, and joining my group, and so forth, you probably have issues with anxiety. You probably have what we call an anxious form of attachment. The two aren't necessarily always in concert with each other, but they are with my audience. And you tend to attract the kind of women that are like, get the hell away from me, that type of woman. And that ain't good. Um, so you're in good company, my friend, if you end up joining our group. HelpForMen.com/join. Check it out, guys. There we go. HelpForMen.com/join. Check out the brotherhood. We would love to have you. Men only. Relatively low cost to join. Once you get in, all kinds of freebies and cool stuff and benefits to join. It's awesome. What can I say? I love it. And I do myself personally at least 3 meetings every single day, usually about an hour or so in length. Every single day— every single week, excuse me. And then our other coaches have meetings somewhere, anywhere, and when it's really kicking, like 6 to 8 meetings every single week. And then we record all of them. So live meetings, we do a lot of good stuff. So it's like this, except you get to visually talk or audibly talk back to me if you wish. Um, and we— those meetings, we get a lot done, a lot of cool stuff there. Um, so you'd be in good company, Mr. Keith and others. Anything else, ladies, germs? Is there an opposite of ladies? Germs? Others? Hey, it's 2025, you never know. No slack against my, uh, gender— is genderqueer, is that the right term? I'm trying to be as nice as I can. I don't know, I'm— excuse my ignorance, I don't mean to be insulting. Genderqueer, gender other, whatever, whatever it may be. Um, so Mr. Stah says, no, I'm old enough not to deal with them, the not so nice women, I guess. I've been basically single since, uh, 30 years of age. You got cars, bikes, stuff, dog, etc. I'm just wondering how to navigate the pirate sea of, again, with the 304s. While keeping happy single. You know, here's the thing. If in fact you were cool with casual sex, um, casual relationships, not being tied down, tied down by a woman, not marrying, not cohabitating, you want to keep your singleness, then all of what we're talking about is completely— who cares? So you get with 5 women a week and 4 of them are nuts. Oh well. But it's, it's not that simple, is it? As much as men want to say like, I, I'm screw whoever and I never get attached, I never catch feelings on it— good luck. Uh, most of the men, especially men that I attract to my material, anxious, again the neurodivergent, and, um, and fall in love fast and they take it very, very hard, the whole relationship thing. Um, they fall in love quickly, fast, and they take breakups very, very hard. So often when I hear guys like, how do I date properly? What they mean is, how do I not get hurt? Um, how do I fall in love and keep them and keep them from breaking my heart? And then they'll kind of, you know, macho posture and go, no, no, I sleep around, I do this, I do that. Some men are able to pull that off, God bless them, whatever, cool. But most of my audience— my audience, excuse me— no, they're not able to do it. Um, so you got to be careful who you bring into your life. Mr. Bill says— hey, Bill from New Zealand! So we got guys from all over. As a lifetime member, I can endorse the Help for Men Brotherhood, he says, the HFM group. A great bunch of guys helping each other out. Very good. Thank you, Mr. Bill, I appreciate that. And then we have Coach Faisal with us here today. Faisal K. Hello, Faisal, from the UK. Handsome fella, I must say. Hey, I'm comfortable enough in my heterosexuality I'm able to call out a handsome fella if I see him. Coach Faisal is a handsome fella, uh, of Indian descent, hence the name, hence the chocolaty brown looks there, Mr. Faisal. My wife is half Indian, so does that give me ability to say that? Well, I just did. Um, uh, okay. Mr. Stah says you're wondering how to drop— again with the hole, the hole analogy. You know, maybe you need to soften your approach a little bit here. How do I drop into some hole and wondering how not to drown and still be able to swim? How do you— and without getting— and use the R word. Um, so, uh, so what are you saying here, Mr. Stah and others? How do I not get attached? How do I enter into relationships and keep it completely casual? How do we just use each other as vessels for sexuality? Good luck. And is that nice? Is that a good thing? Some men have taken the route of, I'm going to pretend— I'm going to dangle the carrot of long-term commitment in front of this woman. I'm gonna convince her that I am a long-term mate prospect, long-term boyfriend material for her, or maybe even more than that. And then when things get serious, the man yanks the carrot away and says, psych, never mind. Countless women all over the world have experienced this. Slept with a man, we're exchanging messages, yada yada, week number 2 or 3 rolls around and he just disappears. And she's like, Freaking all these men are the same, man. As soon as you get serious and you get whatever, they just cut and run. Is that what you want to do? Are you cool with that? Are your ladies you're with cool with that? If you're both on board with like, this is the, this is the situation, this is who we are, then you're two adults. Do what you want, man. Who am I and others to say otherwise? But if you're going into this saying, hey, crazies, I know you're crazy, I'm just going to use you for certain things and then go about my business. I don't think it's good. I don't think it's good to use other people in that way. Call me crazy, a lot of men may disagree with me. Um, we got Andrew from the Tampa Bay area. Very cool. Hello, Mr. Andrew from the Tampa Bay with a very cool Greek last name, right? If I remember right. Um, oh, Mr. Sta. Now we're getting into some deep stuff here, whether you know it or not, Mr. Sta. And thank you, by the way, for all the comments here, you know, all the kind of crassness aside, you're really opening up a can of worms, as I often say. Um, you say, um, not getting wrecked, used. No, this is the— makes me go, oh boy. Help them get out of the 304 hole. So help them out of their promiscuous, easy woman, for lack of a better word, kind of lifestyle. You want to rescue them from that and start becoming a regular girl. Maybe, just maybe, then we can see if we got more. Until then, she needs to go to therapy, question mark. And man, I'm— sta and others, I'm going back to the old homeless man analogy that I used. You're walking right up to the crazy homeless man who's screaming and yelling at the world, and you're like, I can save you, come with me up to my apartment, give you a shower, I'll give you food and everything. And your world is wrecked again. He takes a dump in your kitchen sink. He's— the dog's pregnant. Okay, I don't know, you know what I mean. Total, no, total craziness. And you're like, goddamn, how'd that happen? Why are you taking that step again? Because I have no choice in life, I have to take what comes to me. No, you don't. Ah, frustrating. Um, you don't save them, dude. They have a term for that which I'm going to stay away from. I'm trying to keep this above board as possible. Codependent is the psychological term. Mr. Fixer, you're always finding these little broken ones and like, I can save her. And then you're like, shit, no, I can't. And then most people have been there, done that, will tell you, dude, don't do that, man. Men and women alike, just, just don't. Okay, I missed something. Got something. My teeth there. Sorry, that's gross. Honestly, the seeing each other consistently— this is Andrew speaking from Facebook— honestly, the seeing each other consistently thing between me and my girlfriend progressed slowly and gradually. It started with just over half the week for the first year, and now a little more than a year into it, we see each other— a lot of people calling me— we see each other about 5 to 6 days a week. That's pretty full-time, dude. Okay, is there more to that, Mr. Andrew? Am I missing something? Scrolling. Uh, yes, my last name is Greek. Okay, cool. But where are we going with this, Andrew? Are you worried about this progression? Are you cool with that? That's pretty, uh, that's pretty serious. And the Keith— good line, Mr. Keith— we can only fix ourselves, and that'll keep our hands full. It's enough of a project, isn't it? Um, yes, I can tell more, says Mr. Andrew. Hey, may I make a suggestion, Mr. Andrew? Do you see that little— this thingy right here, this address? Go to that, join that today. I'm not being bossy, I'm not trying to sell you on something, but brother, if you need some help, I'm there. Mr. Sta, same thing, brother. Oh boy, surround yourself with other dudes. And what happens when you surround yourself with people? I don't care what the discipline is, or the profession, or the hobby, or whatever it is. When you surround yourself with like experts or people that have been there, done that, and you tend to make far fewer mistakes because the people are like, grab you by the shoulders and say, no, no, no, dude, over here. You're like, oh, okay, thanks. No, no, dude, put that down, you don't want that. Okay, thanks. No, dude, don't buy that thing. You know, when you're in the hobby world, don't buy that thing, it's a waste of freaking money, buy this thing instead, way cheaper. Ah, cool, thanks. You surround yourself with knowledgeable individuals. That's exactly what this Brotherhood group is— knowledgeable individuals getting together in the forums and the meetings and talking this, this stuff out. And then eventually, you know what happens? Months, years down the line, you're like, what the hell was I thinking? A lot of you were in the what the hell was I thinking phase, but you don't even know it yet. It's time to get better, time to put in that work. And we would love to— Andrew, Stah, Keith, others— we would love to have you in there. It'd be awesome. Uh, no, I felt the progression was gradual. I don't see her every second of the day, even on the days I do see her. Okay, so what's the issue here? I guess, is this like a congrats? Are you saying like I'm doing better? Cool. Um, and Coach says you need to surround— Coach Faisal says, from the UK again, the handsome fella I mentioned earlier, he says 100% you need to surround yourself around other men. Um, HFM, Help for Men, is pure value. Thank you, brother, I appreciate that. Thank you so much. Ah, anything else, ladies and germs? We're about 45 minutes into this. Anything? Going once, twice, no. Um, see that little thing on the screen there? help4men.com/join. I got some other little banners, as we call it, to put up on the screen here. What else we got going on? You know, in the States, in the US, for all you people in the US watch me, which is most of you, um, we get together once a year in the States as a group in person with the Brotherhood group. We're actually opening it up next year, 2026, which is going to be in Louisville, Kentucky. We're actually opening that up to non-members, dudes only again, sorry. Hence the name BroFest. We call it BroFest. You can go to brofest2026.com, brofest2026.com, and learn about our annual conference. We have big names are going to be joining us. Dr. Robert Glover, Adam Nissen, Adam Nissen, excuse me, Lauren, the Dadvocate, myself, others on the team are all going to be getting together in Louisville, Kentucky for 2 days of awesomeness. Join us. Presentations, workshops, just schmoozing, hanging out. It's very cool. We love it. It's the best thing we do as a group, is when you get together in person, it makes it real. And then you're like, there's the real people behind the two-dimensional face I see on the screen all the time. Yes, you may rub my head. Not too much, it gets a little weird. But would love to meet you guys. Brofest2026.com, check it out. What else we got going on here? I mentioned my book My big honking phone here. The Dead Bedroom Fix, that's the most popular thing I've ever done. Well, I actually have a, a course associated with it. There's deadbedroomfix.com, deadbedroomfixcourse.com, deadbedroomfixcourse.com. Check it out, that'll jump you right to the page on the Help for Men website. Um, absolutely free, zero cost. You just have to give your name and email and we'll put you on our email list and all that good stuff. You know how it goes. But you get, uh, 10 videos of me talking all about the stuff about sex and marriage and how to improve it and all that, improve your chances of of a healthy sex life within long-term monogamy, all that good stuff. And in addition, you also get a copy of this ebook version, PDF version, no additional charge with that course. So you get the book, you get the course, no cost. You're welcome. How cool is that? Check that out. What else we got going? Another free course, a smaller, shorter course called My Wife— or So Your Wife Cheated. But we got mywifecheated.com. Check it out, mywifecheated.com, for those of you poor guys going through that. Sorry to hear it, but there's hope. Not in terms of reconnecting with her necessarily, but in terms of getting better up here. And that's what that video series is about. MyWifeCheated.com, check that out, ladies and germs. And if you got a question you want to submit to me and I create a video out of it, DearDSO.com, check it out. We got a lot of— I got a lot of domains here, maybe too many. I don't know, what do you guys think? Getting a little silly at this point. But here's the big one, HelpForMen.com. Um, check out the website. We got articles, videos, all kinds of good stuff. In addition, the Brotherhood, the private community for men only, helpformen.com/join. Check it out, ladies and derms. Stas says brofest, LOL. I know. Uh, okay. Uh, oh, and you're talking about what you've experienced, uh, Mr. Andrew, going slow and steady. Very good, very good. I love it. Kudos to you, my friend. Best of luck to you. Hope it works out long term. It sounds like you're doing well, so pat yourself on the back. All right guys, thank you so very much. I appreciate all of you for joining me today. Um, catch you on the next one, which will be next week. Let me open up the old calendar here. I'm going next— I'm going live next week on Tuesday at the same time, so check that, which will be, um, 3 PM Eastern Time, 2 PM Central US time on Tuesday the 15th. I will be back here live. All right, guys. Well, shit, I just lost my— I lost you guys. There you are. Bring it back here. Hey, there we are. Thank you again, guys. Appreciate all of you, and we'll catch you on the next one. Toodaloo.