Chat LIVE With Ralph (DSO)!

Welcome, welcome, welcome everyone. Hope you're doing well today. Me Doing good. For those that are regulars here, you may recognize my background as me being in my Texas studio. There you go. Yes, for those that don't know, I bounce between a couple different spots— Kentucky and Texas. So this weekend Texas, next week I'm in Kentucky, and then back here in Texas again. Yay, rawr! But anywho, hope you are all doing well. I'm doing good. Busy, super busy day, super busy week. Made a lot of videos for you guys to see. How many did I do total this week? Long-form videos, I mean. I did, uh, 5 of them this week. So those will go on the schedule for YouTube and all that good stuff. Um, for those that don't know, let me see if I want to— uh, Fight for Better Now says I look tired. I am tired. I am, uh, I, I am— what do you call it— uh, allergy-ish. Is that a word? My allergies killed me yesterday. I felt like total crap. I had my contacts in yesterday and was just— water eyes were watering like crazy. It's just all tiredness. That's probably what you're seeing. My eyes look sleepy today. Mr. Oliver from YouTube says thanks for what you're doing. Oh, thank you, from France. Well, what's French for welcome? Bienvenue. Uh, un, deux, trois, merci beaucoup. That's about all I know in French. So welcome, friend, welcome. Um, you know, yes, I have been to France. I was in France on a tour once. I went to see, uh, I saw a lavender field in France. We are out in the middle of nowhere. I would love to tell you where we were. I can't remember a little town in France where we were, but it was beautiful. It was very similar to Spain, which is where, uh, my family's from. And, uh, anywho, that's all the, all the French stories I have. Um, welcome everybody. My name is Ralph Brewer. Sorry, I wish it was something cooler. AKA Dad Starting Over, DSO. I've been putting out content for years and years. You may know me from a book I wrote called The Dead Bedroom Fix. You can see it there behind me that way. Um, the middle book there is the most popular thing I've ever done, and, uh, that book, uh, sold hundreds of thousands of copies, and it got a lot of people to me and allowed me to write other books, create video content, create a men's group, all that fun stuff. I've been doing mentoring or coaching for guys for years. I have other guys on my team that help out as well. Um, we've— for years now we've been doing a private men's group that, as of the past couple of years, is called the Help for Men Brotherhood, HFM Brotherhood. And you can learn more at help4men.com and jump right to the join page at help4men.com/join. Um, we do, oh, live discussion forums,. We have all private, nobody can see what you type in there, nobody can see me, right? We have, um, uh, live Zoom meetings, pretty frequent live Zoom meetings. We record all of them. We have over 1,000 hours of live meetings at this point. And we have all my books that I've written, those 3 there— there, sorry— that you see there, um, you can download and listen to the audiobook version at no additional charge if you're a member, as well as a couple other books that you don't see there. Another book you don't see there, it's available in audiobook only and ebook only, is Red Flags. Real short listen and read. And then we have another book by, um, a gentleman on our team named Austin, Coach Austin. He wrote a book called Why Sex Ends After Kids and How to Fix It. And, uh, you can download your own copy at help4men.com if you want to. If you're a member, at no additional charge whatsoever, for free, you get the book. Uh, you get to download it. There's no audiobook version of it yet, but he's— we're working on that. He's working on the, uh, Audible version, and soon we'll have that up for members as well. We also get together in person. We We are having our 6th annual conference coming up in March of next year, March 2026. And actually, we are opening that up to the public. It's not just members that can go to our annual gathering. This year we're saying everybody, come on, men, men only. Sorry, ladies. Uh, we call those meetings BroFest, and our BroFest 2026 will be in Louisville, Kentucky. So join us, go to brofest2026.com, check it out and sign up. You can, uh, meet myself, other guys on the team, hang out for the weekend. It's an all-day Friday, all-day Saturday thing. We're all going to show up like Thursday night usually and be there first thing in the morning Friday, all day Saturday. Uh, myself, Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy, he will be there. Lauren, The Dadvocate, she will be there. If you don't know Lauren, you should. She has bazillions of online followers, and as her name implies, she is an advocate for dads. Dadvocate, get it? And, um, She will be there as well as Adam Nissen, the Betrayal Shrink. I will talk about helping guys, uh, deal with the emotional turmoil of being cheated on, and he also helps out dudes with a sex addiction, so he'll be a good one to listen to. All kinds of good stuff. There's Mr. Kristoff, greetings and salutations. Well, greetings and salutations to you, Mr. Kristoff. Welcome. So far in my little comments here, I just see a lot of YouTubers would love to see some Facebookers— doesn't sound right— Facebook folks on here as well. Uh, you people watching on X or Twitter, you can't leave a comment. Sorry, it's not how that works. I can't see it on here anyway. But, um, how this typically works is instead of me just blab, blab, blabbing away— okay, let's be honest, there's a lot of me blabbing, but it's usually as a result of guys, uh, and gals for that matter, leaving comments and questions and stories, and I talk about it. And, uh, these can go upwards of an hour or more. These these live streams. But if they're pretty quiet, nobody wants to, um, you know, uh, participate, nobody wants to say anything, then we cut it short and it could be like a 10-15 minute thing. Um, but, uh, you got me here for at least another hour or so if, uh, the content is good. So guys, let's see the questions, anything at all you have. Uh, while I wait on that, brofest2026.com, join us, the Brotherhood, help4men.com/join. Um, Boy, a lot of guys in my comments I see that are not members of the Brotherhood. Oh boy, you should be. Um, you got a lot of stuff you got to work on. I see the same— I mean, I've seen the same guy's name show up in the comments on my videos for years, years and years, talking about their dead bedroom, years talking about the wife who hates them, years talking about this problem and that problem and being Mr. Nice Guy and getting walked all over. I've seen it, the same names. I'm not going to call you out, but I see those names. Again and again and again. And, um, guys, try out the— try out the group. help4men.com/join. Try it for a month or two. If you don't like it, you just say— click cancel, done. That's all there is to it. But if you're like most people who try out the Brotherhood, what most guys do is the month or two, and then they'll jump to like a year or something like that just to pay for it ahead of time instead of doing month-to-month-to-month thing. And but three-fourths of the men, three-fourths of them do what we call lifetime. If you go to that help4men.com/join page, you will see There's options for how do you want to pay for this group. You want to do a month-to-month thing, annual, or do you want to be a lifetime member? Here's a one-time price and you're covered for life. Or you actually split that one-time price into, uh, 10 payments if you want to do that, and then you're in for good. And three-fourths of our guys do that. So that says a lot about our group. We got some— we got a really good thing going on there with the Brotherhood. We're really proud of that, and we put a lot of work into it. Our team puts a lot of work into that, and we would love to have you. I think a lot of you guys would benefit a great deal from that. The Brotherhood, helpformen.com/join. Check that out. As mentioned, biggest thing I've ever done is the Dead Bedroom Fix book, deadbedroomfix.com. Check it out. Thing that, uh, most people— most people— a lot of my audience has read the book, but what they don't know is I also have a free companion course to it. You don't have— in no way do you have to read the book first before doing this course. It's a standalone deal. In fact, a little-known secret, uh, you get a copy of the Dead Bedroom Fix in an ebook format, PDF format, at no additional charge at all. There's no charge whatsoever for this, this course, Dead Bedroom Fix completely free, completely 100% free. Check it out. Videos, me talking about the stuff, and you get a copy of the book. Can't go wrong. Another course I have, My Wife Cheated, again free, uh, several videos all about this. Why wives cheat, what's going on there, how you feel, how to deal with your feelings, all that good stuff. So check it out, mywifecheated.com. Yeah, we got some good domains here. What else we got going on? That's about it for me and these little, uh, banner thingamajiggies. Let me get rid of that and go back up here to comments. And Mr. Christoph says it's a sin not to read the book, guys. I assume, Mr. Christoph, you're talking about The Dead Bedroom Fix. Mr. Jack Lumen says I— that, uh, ask if I've rested enough today. It's, it's allergies. It's my eyes. It's, it's really, uh, been bothering me the last couple days in Texas. For whatever reason, allergies bother me in Kentucky But man, as soon as I land in Texas, I'm just like, oh yeah, it's not good. So I had to switch to the glasses today. If you ever see me wearing glasses in a video, it's I'm having a bad eye day. And I've had some people say, you look really sad, are you crying? No, I'm not crying, allergies. I guess I am sad because I have allergies, but it's nothing in particular bothering me. Sorry, I didn't know it was so alarmingly bad. I guess looking at myself here, how's That better? Hi guys! That doesn't look good. Anyway, so, um, uh, questions, comments, anything, guys? I had a— I always mentioned this— I had a high school teacher when I was a kid that used to do his spiel, lecture, whatever, and then he would say, questions, comments, conclusions? It was like a little joke in our class, so I'm carrying on the tradition. Uh, anything, gentlemen, ladies, or whatsoever? Yes, we welcome the ladies to leave comments. I know there's, um, like my Facebook group— if you're not a follower of Dad Starting Over on Facebook, it's really— for me, it's popular compared to all my other stuff. I have 210,000 followers on there, I think, or something. And so anytime I post a video, if it's a relatively good one or popular one, it'll get a lot of comments and likes and all that stuff. And the comments can get pretty nasty, and we have some ladies that take exception to some things. Uh, no, I'm not, you know, purposely posting things to get under women's skin, but sometimes I can't help it, I guess. And so some ladies get on there and say some not so nice things, or they will react to some man saying something not so nice, and then there's a gender war in my comments. I'm like, oh Jesus. And, um, uh, a common refrain from a lot of men on there is, what the hell are these women doing in a men's group? It's like, well, dude, it's not a group, it's a public page. Just like any company can have a public page, you know. I often say like Nike, Walmart, Dairy Queen, whatever, have public pages, um, on Facebook and Twitter and all these other things. And anybody can go on there and say Walmart sucks or whatever it is, and they have no control over that. They just— if you have a public page on social media, you know, welcome to the real world. People can say nasty stuff about you. Same with me. People can leave any kind of comment, anything they want. Men just get really pissed, like, what are these women doing here? I was like, dude, I don't know what to tell you. I can't moderate and kick out all the women. And besides, I sometimes agree with them. Just because they don't have a PP doesn't mean they don't have a good opinion on stuff. Sorry, I know a lot of you've been hurt by ladies, you don't like to hear that, but they're humans, you know, they're allowed to leave a comment. Um, but we happen to have the Brotherhood just for um, discussions just for men. Leave the women out. Men do need a space to talk about their own thing. A public page on Facebook ain't it. A private group community with groups and forums. We have Discord, we have private Facebook group, we have the Zoom meetings, all private. You have to be a member to get in. Um, that's where men talk about the good stuff. So check it out, the Brotherhood, at help4men.com/join. All right. Mysterio says, after talking to men and women over the last couple of years— couple of years, are you saying? No, I've been at it for over a decade now, so just so you know. But you're saying you've been talking to men and women over the last couple years? Whatever. What do you think each gender's gripe with each other is when it comes to love relationships, married or not? Um, well, the thing I hear— let's preface this by saying what you hear most from people online is, is the pissing and moaning and bitching about something. Men and women both, right? And what is the thing that they bitch about the most? It's usually what is the most— what I call the, in my words, the acute pain point in the relationship game for them. For men, the acute pain point is most definitely, uh, sex in marriage, or lack thereof, or not as much as what they want. Out of everything I've ever talked about when it comes to men, that's it. That's the one that moves the needle more than any other topic by far. I could talk about all kinds of things with divorce and kids and physical fitness and health and everything, whatever it is, finances, career. Nope, nope, nope, nope. They get some attention, sure, but nothing like the old SEX. Or more specifically, men not getting as much as they think they should be getting. So the, the gripe from— I see from men towards women is, ladies, why is it on average you just want it not nearly as much as we do? Why are you— why do you seem to be content with, um, a— what the men consider a substandard or, uh, not as frequent as it should be level of sexuality in the couple? Like, how are you happy with this almost like dormancy within our sexual relationship. That's the number one complaint I hear from men towards women. Lots of other complaints, sure, but that's the number one. And then, um, for women towards men, again, let me preface this by laying the groundwork here of who I'm talking to. My audience, for the most part, are what we call— what I call anxious men. They have an anxious form of attachment. Their demeanor is anxious, a lot of anxiety, a lot of insecurity. About themselves and about the relationship. So, um, they're the type of men that really bug their woman for connection, and they tend to— imagine this— marry women who are very avoidant in nature. Once the honeymoon phase passes, these are not sexy, fun, romantic women by any stretch. No matter what the guy does, he could be the greatest, sweetest, best dude in the world doing every chore in the book and looking like a Greek god, she's just like yawning, going, I don't care. It's just not me. I'm not the— once we're over the honeymoon, when you got the kids and everything, I'm just like, I'm shut down in that way. And what a lot of those women expect is that he should be shut down too. This constant reach for connection, this constant attempts to, um, bring overt sexuality and that, that new relationship energy back into the relationship— for those avoidant women, they don't get it, and they they shame men for having those feelings, and they will say something to the effect of, um, he's very immature for acting this way. He's very immature for trying to bring that back into our world. Our world, these women will say, is one of security, safety, domesticity, comfort, parenthood. Trying to be Mr. Sexy and sneaking off and do this and then in dating and— yeah, so that's not the general public, mind you. If I just go out in the street and start asking men and women, what are your complaints, you probably hear something different from what my audience says. But that's what I hear in my little world. Interesting, isn't it? Um, oh, Mr. Adnor, this is a very, very good and somewhat anxious take on this, this question. Not belittling you, I hear this quite often. Um, what are your thoughts on staying in a marriage that's improving So we were here, and it's going up here slowly but surely, right, Mr. Adnor? But you still don't get that, quote, super desire that others, that others can experience even in a long-term relationship. Mr. Adnor, what if I were to tell you that super desire— let's qualify this further— what you're describing is, um, the honeymoon phase of a relationship. That's what you're describing. Super desire is more apt to occur during that little window. I wish I had a graphic here to say this is the window. I'm about yay big on the time, like this whole screen is the timeline of a relationship. This over here, this little— let me get my hand there. There we go. This little chunk of the timeline is the honeymoon stage. And if we had to plot a graph on top of the timeline showing how much sex was done, it would look like this. Starts way up here at the honeymoon stage, and then it peters down. It's hard for me to do this backwards. And it peters down like this. As the relationship timeline moves on. You're like, how can I get over here to this little chunk over here while we're over here in the relationship? And I say, how I've often described it is spikes. You see little blips here and there, but you don't see that consistently like what you did way over here. What you hear— what you had over here consistency-wise, sex level-wise, which was way up here, that's for that portion of the relationship. After that, it does this. That's the vast, vast, vast majority of relationships. Sorry. More secure individuals say, I recognize that, I know that, I know that that's how relationships work, probably from previous relationship experience maybe, or watching mom and dad, whatever it may be. Um, I'm secure in myself and everything to know that that's what I got to work with, so to speak. Let's do what we can to remain connected, to see those little blips. But for me to expect consistent holy shit levels of, of desire. That's not in the cards for the vast majority of us. So maybe you're saying, how do I, how do I see blips? I have yet to see a blip. That's one complaint, you know. It'd be nice every now and then to go on a date and, you know, make out in the car or whatever it may be, um, but it takes two. And we don't know your full story. We don't know what you bring to the table. We don't know what she brings to the table. Those two people bringing stuff to the table, that's what makes the keep with the table analogy, that's what makes the dinner, the setting, the setting of the relationship. So, you know, when you say, how come dinner looks like this? It's like, well, I don't know what you bring to the table and what she brings to the table. A lot more to it than that. Um, you, you say, Adnor, you say it feels more like a you problem than a her problem. What makes you say that? Is that you internalizing, um, shame, guilt, whatever about the relationship, when in fact some of that needs to be pointed right back at her. If not a lot of it, I don't know. I don't know the situation. Um, Mr. Shane, uh, quick question from the guy with quadruplets again. Is it best to keep seeing someone— seeing someone new a secret, and if so, for how long? Uh, by the way, I took your advice that you and the lady had in your show last time to try dating, and thank you, as it's improved my frame of mind and given me a sense of masculinity and self-worth. So it worked. Well, very good. I'm glad to hear it. But I'm gonna go back up to your, uh, previous question. So Shane, I apologize, I don't remember your story. I deal with lots of dudes, probably 20 of them named Shane. So, um, You had quadruplets. It sounds like divorced. You're dating again, right? And you're like, uh, how best to keep seeing someone in secret and for how long? Shane, buddy, are you already seeing somebody and you're already thinking about introducing them to the kiddos? Is that what you're saying? Or to the ex? Or like, please qualify this further. What you talking about, buddy? And then, uh, hold on, hold on. No way with the kids, Shane, buddy. Okay, we have no— uh, somebody else said yeah, they're confused too. Um, So yeah, I'm not sure, Shane, maybe you want to say walking in public. Oh, I see. Oh, um, so you and Gal are dating and you're like— no one says, buddy, to keep this secret secret. It's just that you don't walk in with the kiddos and go, look who I got, kiddos, Mary, girl I've been seeing for a week. There you go. Don't do that. Um, you know, give that a good year before you intertwine them into your life at that level of intertwining, mixing you and the kiddos and all that other stuff. But as far as walking in public, I never made that a secret thing by any means. What is— I guess let me ask this, um, what is it, Shane? What's the purpose of keeping that a secret? Are you scared of something? Scared about the ex finding out and then telling the kids? Like, you're fair— you scared about what people may think? Um, you know, all that good stuff. So what are you thinking there? And then you're talking about not ever involving the kids. Well, buddy, Here's what's going to happen. Um, you're going to meet somebody, you're going to fall in love, you're going to be with them for a while, and then probably like by around the 5 or 6 month mark, she's going to say, when am I going to see your kids? Because obviously we're serious. And what does this mean for us? I needed— I need some semblance of comfort and security to know that you and I are for sure thing. I can't live like this with this uncertainty. And a big thing that will allow you— allow her to feel secure would be to introduce kids and all this other stuff. And you're going to be like, oh shit, I guess I gotta introduce the kids. Because you don't want to lose her because she makes you feel really good. I know you're thinking, no, I know I won't, Ralph Brewer Brewer. Been there, done that. I've, uh, talked to many, many men who've been through that. That's kind of the typical— yes, you say you're scared of parental alienation, so you're scared of ex seeing you with woman and then pitting the kids against— oh, well, that— I don't know what to tell you, dude. You know, I'd hate to say— there's one part of me that says, oh, come on, dude, don't be so scared of the ex. Another person says, I get it. Maybe there's some middle ground here of going elsewhere. Let's— instead of the town square where I know my wife hangs out, maybe you go to the town an hour over. I don't know. But, um, I tell you what though, here's the thing. If you're really open and honest with a secure woman and you tell her, um, uh, uh, we can't— I know you want to go to this cafe downtown or whatever, but we can't because that's where my ex hangs out and I don't want to see her because she's going to cause all merry hell and chaotic and blah blah. A really secure individual will say, I don't know if I want that level of chaos in my life. I don't like the sound of that. Number one, I don't like this dude being scared of ex-wife thing. That's kind of a turn-off. And number two, do I really want to introduce that level of craziness into my world? A possible, you know, crazy ex and all this— never mind, dude. Ex is a narcissist, medically confirmed. So she was diagnosed as a narcissistic personality disorder. I can see where that can get scary. Um, so maybe this is something to lead with when you are— I, I don't know, man, this is a tricky one. Um, you know, when you're talking to somebody and you feel like getting serious, um, you could say, I want to go on a date, but I just want to let you know— I don't know if it's that serious to you, but realize you're going to turn off a lot of people with that. A lot of people are going to say, I'm not going to hang out with some dude that's got this crazy woman in the wings, and who knows what's going to happen. She's going to you know, pounce on us, who knows, when we're out in some restaurant or somewhere, and he's going to ruin his life and my life. It's just one of those many oof things when you intertwine your life with somebody like that. It pays dividends down the line, doesn't it? Oh yay. Um, did I miss the comment? I'm sure I did. I think I got everything. Um, then we got, uh, we got, uh, Fight for Better Now giving advice to, uh, who was it that asked that question originally? I apologize. Adnor, right? Uh, yeah, monitor, monitor the dynamics of the relationship and pay close attention to the trends. So just, you know, make sure everything's going in the right direction, right? Um, and if it's headed in the right direction, it's worth holding on. You don't expect everything now. It's difficult for an anxious guy because a lot of our sense of self-worth comes from what that person's doing. Is that person holding my hand, hugging me, greeting me when I come in the door, loving me, giving me all this validation and affection, uh, or not? And if she's not, if she has a bad day, a bad week, a bad month, whatever, that just ruins the anxious guy. Like, my life's over, this relationship's over, oh my God, what am I doing, uh, she's cheating on me, and on and on and on. You have to push through that if you want to work on this. You have to realize it's, it's all up here. Hmm. And Fight for Better Now says, easy solution is to make sure you guys have a legal custody agreement that is enforceable. Even with that, Mr. Fight, um, there's nothing that says his ex can't Parental alienation, different definitions, but from what Shane probably is worried about is narcissistic ex getting in the heads of, so to speak, his kiddos and saying, you know, your dad doesn't love you anymore, now he's with a new girl, he hates you, he secretly doesn't want you in his life, he's going to spend more and more time away from you, I'm the only one who loves you, and on and on. And then dad picks up the kids and he notices, man, they're really distant, they're not wanting to talk to me, what's going on with them? Blah, blah, blah. And then it comes out, you don't love us anymore because you're with that girl. And he's like, oh shit, here we go, I should have never gone on a date. That's what he's worried about. And there's no legal anything involved in that, it's just somebody being emotionally volatile and stupid. And you say, thank you for advice last month. Well, very good, I'm glad. Very good. And Shane, why don't you join the brotherhood? Check it out, help4men.com/join. You should join us. Go speak. You know what you experience here times a million, basically, with a bunch of guys trying to help each other out. Any other questions, guys? Anything? Oh man, in addition to my horrible, um, allergies and my eyes acting up on me today, I have a— I strained my trapezius muscle. Oh, right back here. And so this hurts. That's okay. That hurt. Oh yeah, that hurts. Oh yeah, so if I seem a little stiff, that's why. My wife this morning saw me at the kitchen table and she says something to me and I turned to her like this. She's like, oh my God, you poor thing. Yeah, a little stiff. It's been like this all week. Getting old sucks, guys. Uh, I was, uh, it used to be, you know, just play basketball for hours and hours. Now you play basketball for 1 hour and your body's just like, you better rest for 3 days. Um, more tips on when you and the wife are both codependent. Oof, that's tough, dude. So, you know, there's the school of thought that that's actually, um, well, the term codependent could mean different things, but let's stick with the vernacular of the attachment theory thing. Two anxious people trying to out-anxious each other. What— where I could see problems arising is when both working separately on, on their own issues. One becoming more secure in their attachment style as opposed to anxious, and, um, uh, coming more to center, so to speak. It's the phrase I often use. I don't know if it's technically correct. And the other one is still kind of lagging behind. And Mr. or Miss Secure is more like, oof, you're awful needy. Oof, you're, you're not catching up with me here. You need to get with the program, you know. Your demeanor is like, uh, dude, I'm, I'm not like that anymore. Why are you like that? And I could see where that would cause some conflict. Um, it's, it's kind of similar to, uh, fitness, physical fitness, when one person, you know, both people are like, let's, let's lose weight, gosh darn it, and one person goes on the Ozempic or gets the stomach stapling and lose 100 pounds in a matter of months, weeks, whatever, and the other one's just lost 15 pounds and that's it so far. That causes a lot of strife. It's interesting how, um, the dramatic weight loss is one of the biggest predictors of divorce. Interesting for a lot of reasons. Mr. Shane says, since I met this girl, girl, I have been single for 2 years. I didn't want to disappoint, so I tried Viagra. Let's just say it worked well. Well, good for you. Never used it before, and I heard it mess you up when you stop. No, there's, there's nothing I know of that, um that's the case. Um, I don't have per— I would tell you, I'd be open with you if I said I had experience with Viagra. I don't, but, um, knock on wood, pun intended. So, um, how those drugs work is they're what we call vasodilators, open up your blood vessels and allow blood to flow through. And so it's funny, those drugs were created— I am no expert on this Sounds like I'm a smart dude talking about this. I'm not. But, um, from what I understand, those medications were created basically as, uh, let's create a medic— a different kind of medication for blood pressure issues. When you open up those bloodways, then the blood pressure goes down. When you constrict the blood vessels, then the pressure goes up. So let's open them up, blood pressure goes down, woohoo! And an unintended side effect was, wow, we— all these patients that we're doing these testing these drugs on, they all have massive erections. So that wasn't the intended purpose of this, but is there anything necessarily wrong with that? Everything else looks good. So what if we marketed this drug as, um, an erectile dysfunction drug, and then the sales went through the roof for said drug? That's— it's— so then we have Viagra. There are other variations of it. What's another one? Cialis is another one. I think they work on different mechanisms, or they're not quite the same, but they're both vasodilators. So I don't see anything of why that may create dependence, or if there's some kind of rebound effect where suddenly you can't function without it. If anything, I think it may— let's put it this way, a lot from what I understand— I'm no expert on erectile dysfunction, but I should have like a physician on to talk about this, because as especially in my age group, as you know, 50s and up, um, it becomes more and more common for men as we have blood pressure issues and everything else. And so, um, What was I going to say? Lost my train of thought. It'll come to me. Oh, I lost it. Oh, it's embarrassing. Maybe I need Viagra or Cell. Um, I think you need to start looking more into mobility training. Oh, for me? Oh yeah, probably. Yeah, more, uh, flexibility, mobility, that's for sure. He says, yeah, I looked 20 again. Well, good for you, dude. Uh, oh, anyway, I know where I was going with that. Sorry, blonde moment. Get it? Because I'm bald. So, um, what are you talking about? So you look 20 again with the erections. What were we talking about? We're talking about why does boner talk cause me to lose my train of thought. So we were talking about the erections. Oh, okay, I won't lose it this time, I promise. A lot of erectile dysfunction issues are mental in nature, emotional, born out of anxiety. Isn't that funny how when you have a lot of anxiety and worry how, uh, your body reacts. And one of the ways in which it reacts in men is, yeah, you don't need to be doing anything, dude. I wonder why the body reacts in that way. Um, it's almost like saying you don't need to be procreating right now, anxious dude. Um, do you know we see something similar in women? There's something called amenorrhea. You will see it often in athletes, women who their body fat percentage gets to an unhealthy low amount. A lot of athletes, gymnasts, uh, track athletes and so forth, where they're burning a lot of calories, burning a lot of body fat, and their periods stop. And again, it's almost like the body's saying you're not at a healthy weight, you shouldn't be making any babies. And you'll see a lot of like teen gymnasts and stuff like that run to the doctor scared, like, oh, holy shit, am I pregnant? I'm not having my period. Like, no, dude, you just— or dude, gal, uh, you just— you're experiencing something that's pretty common. So it's almost like we have a version of that in us. It's like, yeah, and then the body— you're super anxious or whatever, something else is wrong, and, uh, erection goes down. I had a, um, somebody was telling me about a woman who worked at a testosterone or hormone clinic, and they were telling me how much emotion dictates so much in our bodies, such as our hormonal levels and stuff. And she was saying she had a man who was like in his 60s, I think, who was on testosterone therapy. So he was shooting exogenous testosterone into his body. So if you did a blood test, you should see those levels be high, right? But then his spouse died, and it just— brokenhearted, dealing with the stress— sent him into a fit of depression. And it's no matter how much of the testosterone they gave him it didn't move the needle anymore. Isn't that interesting? So it shows you how much this affects the rest of us. So, um, Shane says that was funny. I'm glad you guys enjoyed my bald, bald, bald blonde moment. As Jack says, I need mental Viagra. I wonder if those help you. You know, if a vasodilator opens up the blood, does it make— does it help with the brain function? Does it send more blood to the brain, or does it take blood from here out to the extremities? I don't know, we'll look that up. I have heard about those drugs, Viagra, Cialis, and so forth, being, um, good for like, uh, pre-workout stuff because it fills the— I presume that it fills the muscles with blood, and so there may be a, um, performance enhancement there. At the same time, caffeine, which is a stimulant, I think caffeine naturally constricts the blood vessels. That also acts as a I don't know. You know, we have a, uh, physical trainer dude on the, uh, Help for Men team. His name is Vance. I've done a live stream with him before. He's PhD, extremely smart dude, really knows his stuff inside and out. These are kind of things we should do another live with Vance and bring him back on and talk about this kind of stuff. I bet he has some good info on vasodilators and, uh, fitness and all kinds of good stuff. And he's bald too, so, you know, he's got that going for him. Couple of toes talking to each other. That's what my family calls me. They call this the toe. I got a good bald story, you'll like this one. We were at a restaurant in Louisville, Kentucky called Wild Eggs. You may see where this is going. And, uh, you go inside the restaurant and it's like egg theme. I got like little knickknacks on the shelf, eggs. They got pictures on the wall, eggs. You get the idea. And we sat down, and my daughter wasn't even 2 years old at this time. This was a couple years ago, and we're sitting at her table, and she points to a big picture on the wall of Egg and goes, Papa! Yeah, it's good stuff. Ah, oh, then we have a, um, Jack, this is interesting. You say you take an SSNRI. I don't know NRI, I know SSRI. Is the same thing? Is that a boo-boo on your part, or what's the difference between SSN and SSRI? You say you take it for pain and it's an antidepressant. Interesting. Um, Shane with the jokes here, it's good stuff, Shane. I like it. Goodbye, aggro joke. Um, yeah, there is, uh, um, some chronic pain issues that we have in people such as fibromyalgia, which is usually women, not always. It's a name given to a condition where like this person's just in a lot of pain, various degrees of pain. They're just hurting all over. It hurts to do anything. It hurts to— it's very difficult time functioning. And yes, it does seem to correlate with depression and anxiety issues in people, and there doesn't seem to be any biological mechanism at play to make them hurt so much. So typically when somebody's in pain, you do all kinds of blood tests and scans and everything, and you find something, right? Well, with the fibromyalgia, fibromyalgia patients. Please, if anyone's more intelligent than this— than me on this, please share. Um, they don't find anything. And then somebody came up with a bright idea years and years ago, like, maybe let's try an antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication. And hey, the pain goes away. So it shows, at least this is a big part of it, up in the old brain, right? It's interesting how the brain works. But there's a lot of shame involved in that with mental illness and emotional this and that. We think less of people if they have pain that all is in their head, so to speak, but it's pain nonetheless. It's real. They're really hurting. They're not making the shit up. So whatever helps them helps them. So it's interesting. Um, serotonin, norepinephrine, and anti-adrenaline reuptake inhibitor. Serotonin and norepinephrine. I just did a video here recently. It'll go up next week, I think, on YouTube. Um, about the honeymoon stage and all the science behind the honeymoon stage, what keeps us bonded, you know, as, as a couple, what makes us so super sex-crazed during the honeymoon stage and all the stuff. And one of the chemicals involved is norepinephrine. So it's interesting. I wonder if that would have a negative impact on your bonding with your mate. Um, duloxetine, aka Cymbalta, is the script. I have heard of Cymbalta. Okay, cool, interesting. Muy interesante. Uh, anything else, ladies and germs? As you can tell, this is just a big hang. I should come more prepared, have like a topic, let's go, maybe in the future. Oh, speaking of, yeah, pardon me, let me find this here real quick, ladies and germs. Pardon me while I rudely click away here and go to app. All right, here we go. Copy. I'm gonna post, uh, this in the comments. This is a link, okay? That link, um, it'll show up on the chat on YouTube, I believe. That link, uh, will take you to the calendar showing you all the upcoming Dad Starting Over livestream events. This is such an event, um, and there's an option on there where you can click a little button and add it to like your Google Calendar or whatever other calendar so that they will just magically appear on your calendar from here on out. You don't have to wonder when's the next one of these, and you know, your calendar, however it's set up, will alert you to 30 minutes to Dad Starting Over going live and all this other stuff. So, um, it is now scheduled out through the end of July. So I will, you know, as, uh, as I'm able to, as my schedule pans out, I'll be able to add live. So I'm trying to do a better job of scheduling those ahead of time. But, uh, as you can see on the calendar— that's for you, Mr. French Dude— um, I have, counting today, 6 live streams scheduled. So 5 more after today. So check it out, add it to your calendar, all that good stuff. You won't miss yours truly talking about stuff. Anything else, ladies and germs? With that being said, uh, for you guys, I assume you guys watching this on YouTube commenting, all that good stuff, I assume you are, um, subscribers or followers to YouTube, to the Dad Starting Over YouTube channel. If not, please do so, as well as the Help for Men YouTube channel. And you can go to @— the little symbol— Real Help for Men. Let me put that in the the comments here as well. YouTube.com/@realhelpformen. Two different channels I run there. Real Help for Men is devoted just to, uh, interviews with folks. So check that out if you could please, uh, give me a subscribe, like, all that good stuff. All right, thank you. Mr. Scott said you subscribed. Thank you very much, I appreciate that. And while you're here on this live, if you could give me a like Just— that's all it takes. That tells the Facebooks and YouTubes and Xs of the world, hey, this, this account is something that other people should see. It's kind of funny how the little algorithm works. It likes the likes, it likes the shares, it likes the comments, all that stuff. But the like is a very crucial component of it. So give me a like if you could, please. I would really appreciate it. That helps me out a whole bunch. This is loud, isn't it? That's my mouse. Maybe I need a mouse pad. Do people even use mouse pads anymore? Remember how big that was, like, in the '90s? Get, like, a custom mouse pad made and all that stuff. Oh, the '90s. Yep, I graduated in '94, high school, in case you're wondering. Born in '75. Yep, you're doing the math right. This is the year, the big 5-0. Bothers me. Don't like aging. Don't like getting old. Anywho, anything else, ladies and germs? Let me run through my little banners here. You see the help4men.com/join? That's our men's group. Some of you dudes, the regulars on here, give us a join. You'll be surprised at the level of conversation that we have, the cool stuff you will see on there, the books, the conversations, the live meetings we have on Zoom. You can chat with me face to face, so to speak, if you want. Then we get together in person. All kinds of cool stuff. If you want to chat with me one-on-one, as well as other guys on the team, yeah, book an hour time. It does cost you, but if you're a member of the Brotherhood group, helpformen.com/join, um, it's way cheaper for you guys to do the one-on-one chats. Uh, we also have, uh, um, courses, video courses, some of which are absolutely free, some of which cost a few bucks, and again, cheaper for our members. Lots of benefits of joining. We're trying to grow this community. You know, we have learned over the years this ain't a lone wolf, alpha male, by yourself, you know, thing. It doesn't work. As much as dudes are like, I don't need anybody, I don't need any friends, I don't need a girlfriend, whatever, dude, guess what does? Your mental health does. Um, I've often said that, um, we've known this for generations that human beings need to be in contact with and get help with a community of people. You know, the old 'it takes a village,' it's true. Um, and, uh, I see in a lot of men we are moving away from the concept of community and being a bunch of lone wolves, and it doesn't work, dude. All we have is a bunch of depressed dudes, a bunch of dudes needing help in life, and they don't know where to turn to. And that's why communities like ours, help4men.com, uh, it helps out a lot of dudes, and we're doing a lot of great things and helping out a lot of great men. And if you're like, you know, I don't really need a lot of help, but you could probably in turn help others in the group. You could bring something of value and we can learn from you. And then you're going to have what I call like an aha moment in the group and, uh, learn some about yourself, about relationships and so forth. Best thing I've ever done is the creation of that group. HelpForMen.com/join. The brotherhood. Check it out. If there's nothing else, ladies and germs, this is the point where I start wrapping up and then the comments just start flooding. Let's see if that happens again. Always does. I don't know what that's about. I think— I don't know if me, you know, signing off wakes people up like, no, no, no, one more. Uh, the next one of these is when? Well, I don't know. Let me go to my calendar and I'll see. Well, 2 PM. Oh shit, that's the wrong, wrong, wrong. Uh, there we go. Yeah, 2 PM. 2 PM on Tuesday, July 1st. That is, uh, 2 PM Central Time where I'm at, uh, Texas. 3 PM Eastern Time. Uh, Tuesday, July 1st, I will be back here for another live, so join me, shall you? Didn't sound right. If nothing else, ladies and germs, I will call her quits. But I do thank you for joining me today. It's been a pleasure. Wish we had more questions, but you know, it is Friday, give you guys a break. It is the afternoon, it's almost the end of the work week. I hope you have a wonderful, uh, weekend. We got— is there a holiday? What's— is there a holiday coming up here? I should know that. Is there not? Why don't I think there was? We got Fourth of July, that's coming up, right? That's good. Uh, that's, uh, yeah, that's next week, week from today. Cool. All right, so hope you, uh, you Americans shoot off some fireworks, eat some mammal flesh, do whatever it is you do. Have fun. I remember as a kid, uh, one of my favorite things in the whole world— when I look back how lame this was— I grew up in southern Indiana, a town of about 5,000 people. But for whatever reason, our little town had the biggest— and by biggest, I mean the longest— um, Fourth of July parade in the entire state. And it attracted some, like, C-level celebrities every now and then. I remember, of all people in the world, you know David Letterman, the, the, uh, you know, you know, David Letterman's talk show host galore, was one of the most famous people ever. He didn't come to the, uh, parade, but his mom did. I remember she had her own float— David Letterman's mom— that kind of thing. I used to love going to that as a kid. And one of the things I loved— Fourth of July, Fourth of July parade— was they would throw candy at everybody. So you just have some dipshit sitting in the back of a pickup truck going, 'It's Mayor So-and-so,' and he'd be throwing Tootsie Rolls, whatever. I love that. Just build up a collection, a bag of candy. Oh, I miss those days in Indiana. We don't have that anymore. Yeah, the throwing of the candy. Do you guys still do the throwing of the candy? Anyway, Fourth of July, Americans, enjoy it, have fun. But I'll see you a couple, couple times— no, one time before then. Uh, but if you're a Brotherhood member, I'll see you 4 times before then. See, that's one of the benefits of joining, get to see this, this toe, you know, more frequently. All right guys, thanks again. Hope you all have a wonderful weekend. Catch you on Tuesday. If not, well, I'll catch you whenever. All right guys, have a good one. I'll see you later. A toodaloo.