Chat LIVE With Ralph (DSO)

Hello everybody, how y'all doing today? Good, glad to hear it. It's your boy Raffalito coming to you live. I got some new software that I'm using. I'm sure a lot of you guys are familiar with it. It's called StreamYard. I was using Riverside before and it was giving me all kinds of headaches, so I'm trying out StreamYard, and so far So good, so far so good, looking good. So let me, if I may, ladies and germs, just make sure everything's working good here. It's— I checked on the two Youubes and it looked good. Yep, looking good there. All right, how about y'all? All right. Yeah, I think we're good. Cool. Let me exit this. All right, folks, how y'all doing today? Hope we got some folks that joined us today. Last time I did one of these, a little, a little quiet. That's cool, I understand. Not everybody can be on these, uh, every time I log in live. Um, sometimes we get, you know, all kinds of people on here, so it just depends. Everybody has those pesky real life, you know, lives. What can you do, right? So let me see if I can adjust this. I'm looking more into the camera. It's better, I think. What do you think? Yeah, cool. Yeah, I already like this better than Riverside. Okay, StreamYard better than Riverside. There's my official stamp of approval. I don't know if you saw my little intro video there. That was pretty cool, right? Yeah, I'm gonna improve upon that. I'm getting all kinds of funny ideas for intro videos. Try to spunk it up a little bit. That doesn't sound right. Funk it up? No. Jazz it up. There you go. That's the word I'm looking for. Okay, if you are joining us today, my name is Ralph Brewer, aka DSO, which stands for Dad Starting Over, which is not coincidentally the name of the— I guess you could say brand Oh, uh, content creation brand that I've been doing for years and years and years. It eventually evolved into our main business. Our main organization is called Help for Men, and you can learn more at help4men.com, which, if you're watching this live, you should see— oh, look at that, right there, help4men.com. Um, we have a private community called the Brotherhood. You can learn more at help4men.com/join. Let me see, does this work? Oh, look at that. help4men.com/join. Um, it's a private community just for men. Sorry, ladies. We get together in live Zoom meetings. We have like a whole bunch of those, uh, over 1,200 hours of those— over 1,300 hours— over 1,300 hours of those that you can watch in our archives if you're a member, or listen to rather. And, um, we also have a very active private discussion forum. We use Discord, we use a private Facebook group. No one can see you're in either one of those, so don't worry about it. No one can see your messages. No one can see you're a member of either of those unless they go grab your phone and snoop around and act as you, which has happened before. But anyway, um, what else do we have? All my books. I've written 4 different books. All of them are available at no charge to our members in ebook as well as audiobook format. We get together in person. We're having our 5th annual conference in Charleston, South Carolina coming up here in a couple weeks. How cool is that? We already have 2026 planned, and I'm going to put it up here so we don't forget. We got brofest2026.com. brofest2026.com. It is open. I'm putting it out here for everybody to see because it's open to the general public this year. Men only, sorry ladies. Uh, we used to have them just open to members of our group, The Brotherhood, but we want to show a lot of guys what this is all about. Come join us, hang out for the weekend. It's a Friday and Saturday, all day, both days. You get to meet myself, all the members of the Help for Men team, as well as, uh, Lauren, The Dadvocate. You know Lauren, she's going to be joining us for the weekend. How cool is that? Uh, do you know Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy? He's going to be hanging out as well. Adam Nissenson is a name you may not know, but he goes by the brand name of the Betrayal Shrink. Uh, if you're a guy that's been betrayed, cheated on, all that good stuff, you'll want to check out Adam's stuff, betrayalshrink.com. He's also written a book called A Man's Guide to Partner Betrayal. He and I are going to do a live stream here in a couple days. Uh, I believe it's Friday, I think at 3 PM Eastern. Don't quote me on that, I'll have to go look. You can find it on YouTube in the live section of Dad Starting Over, as well as Facebook. You'll see the schedule of events there, and you'll join us, myself and Adam, for our live discussion. We're going to talk about infidelity and overcoming the trauma of being cheated on, something that unfortunately a lot of guys that watch my material have experience with. Unfortunately. But join us, brofest2026.com. Live presentations, workshops, meet all these folks, meet myself, hang out, have fun. Lunch is on us. All the presentations are included in the cost of joining. The price is pretty reasonable for what you get, uh, and the price will go up on July 1st. On July 1st, there will be a slight price hike. So right now is the cheapest you can get in. So check it out, guys, brofest2026.com. Back to this guy, the Brotherhood. We would love for you to join that and learn more all about what we do at Help for Men. If I get rid of that— there we go, there's my name back. Cool. I'm getting to know this software. It's pretty cool how it works. Let me go to comments. No comments just yet. Hey guys, if you're watching this, do me a favor— and my contact is bothering me again. There's something with my left contact lens. I got a whole new box of contacts, new prescription. That's probably what's going on. And a new brand of contacts not quite fitting the left eyeball just right. I went all day with zero problems, and now that I'm with you guys, it's swimming around in my eyeball. It's not a So if you see me doing this a lot— no, better really. I'm not losing my mind, this is my contacts sliding around in my eyeball. Okay, um, if you're watching this, do me a favor, guys. Give me a like, give me a subscribe or a follow, give me a share. Better yet, leave a little comment. Tell me where you're watching from. I always love to know where people are watching us from, where in the world you are. We always have people from all over the world joining me. If you are watching this on the Help for Men channels. You can see my little logo back there. We're officially on the Help for Men Facebook channel right now, as well as the Help for Men YouTube channel. Started simulcasting into all those. I do go by the name Dad Starting Over, but Dad Starting Over is a part of Help for Men, and I've been doing content under the Dad Starting Over name for years and years and years and years. And I've written a book, several books. You can see them behind me. One of them that you don't see is a small book, just an ebook format called Red Flags. But I wrote Dead Bedroom Fix. That is my most popular book. Sold a whole bunch of those, so thank you guys if you watch that. That's what brings a lot of people to me and my material. Uh, Dad's Starting— or Divorce Panic, excuse me, and Real Talk: No Bullshit Life Advice for Young Men. As the name implies, it's a book for young men. So check those out. You can learn more at help4men.com. We got Danny from Dallas. Well, Danny, guess where I'm at right now? If you ever see this different backdrop behind me, that's because I am in my Texas office. I bounce between a couple of different places. Long story, uh, but I am in Plano, so North Dallas. How cool is that? And then we got, uh, I remember— oh shit, I don't have my glasses on— Ralph, um, Destin, as I look through blurry vision here. Very cool, Mr. Brad. I believe you've been on here before. Somebody from Destin has been on here before. Welcome. As I mentioned last time I saw the name Destin, uh, the family and I have been to, uh, What the hell is it called? What's the cool place right now? We're drawing a blank. The cool place right next to Destin where they shot The Truman Show and all that stuff. What the hell is that place called? We've been there like 3 times and I can't remember the name of it. Oh, this is going to bother me. Anyway, maybe Brad, you can help me out there. The cool place where all the buildings are white and pretty and— well, this is going to bother me. It's one of those days, guys. One of those days. All right, Seaside. Thank you. What a generic name. Oh, I don't know, Seaside. It's not like it's some weird name. It's a city by the sea. Anyway, thank you, Brad. Yes, been to Seaside many times and a very cool spot. All right, guys, what this is not— these lives are not, hey, let's just log in and watch this bald dude just blab away and talk to himself. I guess technically that's what it is, but you know what I mean. I depend on you guys to ask me some questions. For some weird reason, over the past 8 years or so— um, shit, it's almost 10 years now of doing this— but 8 years as like a content creator and putting my name and face out there, all that stuff, um, for whatever reason, a large portion of Let's qualify this further. A few hundred thousand people have determined that they think that my perspective on things and advice has some kind of value. Go figure. And so I will get emails and questions and direct messages and everything all the time, all day long, every single day. And so I do these lives as a way of saying, hey guys, let's interact live, one-on-one. So to speak, as opposed to just waiting for me to eventually get around to replying to your email or do what we call the Dear DSO thing. Are you guys familiar with the Dear DSO thing? Heck, let's do another little banner here, why don't we? Enter a banner, deardso.com, add banner, show banner. Boom, look at that! Deardso.com is a, um, hold on a second. If you go to deardso.com, it jumps you to a page on the Help for Men website that has a little form that you can fill out. And the form is, Ralph, here's my story, I'd like you to do a little video on it. Or you have the option— there's a little button on there you can click and fill out your email address, and you can say, I'd like to talk to you live one-on-one. I've recorded 3, 4 of those so far, and I have another one that's been recorded, it's being edited as we speak, and that will be going up in the YouTube channel as well, where I talk to people live and we hash it out, so to speak. And again, these are guys and a gal. We've talked to one gal as well, Victoria. That was a really good one. And they want to hear the perspective of a guy that's been there, done that, so to speak, and has written books on the topics and talked to hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of dudes about these issues. So if that's you and you're like, I kind of like your stuff, dude, I'd like to hear your take on this, whatever this may be, go to deardso.com, fill out the form, click the little button and we can actually talk live one-on-one. Or don't, and I'll just answer it on my own in a one-way conversation via video. And you can see all those videos on YouTube, Facebook, all that good stuff, and TikTok as well. Um, so again, guys, wherever you're watching this, if you could be so kind as to give me a like, give me a subscribe, give me a follow, share, all that good stuff, I'd appreciate it a great deal. We got Kenny from Missouri. Well, welcome, Kenny. Have I been to Missouri? Yeah, I've been to Missouri. Never been to the Ozarks, you know, the TV show. Everybody, I'm sure they had like a little boom in tourism because of that TV show. But I've been to St. Louis, obviously, a couple times. I think that's it. Been to Seaside, been to Dallas, obviously kind of there now in Plano, that counts. But, um, all right, everybody, any questions, comments? Anything at all, please share. Maybe you've seen some video of mine or somebody else. I don't mind talking about somebody else's stuff. Let's be respectful about it, you know, like, look at this idiot said whatever. No, we want to hash it out and talk about something. Now is the time to do so, ladies and germs, as I patiently sit and wait. I could just sit here and just stare at the camera, an awkward silence, a dead air as they say in the radio world. Let's not do that. Um, Kenny says it's beautiful. My head? No, I know what you're talking about. Ozarks. Yes, it is. What I've seen on TV sure looks nice. Um, is it as backwoods and rednecky as, you know, as they seem to show? I don't know why, but I don't equate Missouri with that kind of thing. Um, I also spent a great deal of time in Kentucky, and I grew up in rural Indiana for most of my childhood, and, um, I equate those with kind of rednecky things, but I never thought about Missouri in that way. And then I see the Ozarks, I'm like, huh. This looks like Appalachia kind of stuff, you know, complete with meth and everything else. Uh, maybe I've been living under a rock all these years. Do share, Mr. Kenny. So, um, anybody have any questions, guys? Don't be shy. Let me jump on over here, if I may, ladies and germs. Let me say— let me go to the Help for Men because the way this is set up, I'm not going to see anything from the Help for Men channel. And we're good there. Okay, cool. I'm gonna put that Oh yeah, all right, cool, very good. Okay, oh, let's see, let me bring you back here. Where's my StreamYard? There it is. Oh, okay, we got Mr. Tim from YouTube says it might be better as a dear DSO, it's dead bedroom related, but we're getting close to something. Of an ultimatum chat at our next therapy appointment. Any advice on this? Yeah, man, good one. Thank you, Mr. Tim, saving the day with a legitimate question here. We have, um, a lot of what we would call anxious dudes. Let me get this out of the way here. Anxious dudes that are part of my audience, and they're also part of our private group, the, the brotherhood that I talked about. Learn more at helpformen.com Let me bring up the banners here. There you go. If you want to check out the Brotherhood, our private community for men only, helpformen.com/join. Let me bring back up the comments here. Um, and a lot of these anxious guys, what they do unfortunately is really pursue their woman. Do you love me? Do you love me now? Why are you acting this way? Why are you being so angry? Why do you not seem to like me anymore? How come we don't touch each other anymore? What's going on with you? Is it wrong? Do you need to get your hormones checked? And And on and on and on and on. And the women are just basically badgered by these men. And the women are eventually like, can you just shut up and stop bringing up our relationship and stop bringing up all the problems with it? Good Lord, leave me alone. The women are usually very avoidant in nature. The old yin and yang, you know, opposites attract thing. So, um, these guys, by virtue of either my material or others, kind of get the hint like, dude, that's not getting anywhere. Like, you've been trying this for years and years. Maybe you need to back off a little bit. They're like, okay, fine. You can only hold back that stuff for so long. And when you go, let me just see what happens when I back off, unfortunately what a lot of guys realize is, oh wow, once I back off, she's just gone. You know, the old let the bird go and you watch it just fly away, and you're like, okay, I guess that's never coming back. It's kind of what a lot of guys see, a lot of emotionally, at least from their spouse, is that she emotionally leaves and she don't ever come back. Sucks, but happens. And so eventually they want to just go, woman, and just emotionally vomit all over and go, this is what I've been feeling all this time, I'm sick of this nonsense, what the hell's wrong with you, and on and on. Also, it doesn't get anything done. We have what we call, uh, Mr., um, or who was that that asked? Mr. Tim and others, we have a, um, something we call the quote healthy version of the talk, uh, which I can give you a quick summary of here. Wife, you got to lead with this, and I hope this is true. If it's not, you got some bigger fish to fry. But anyway, wife, I love you. I do. That's why I married you, because I love you and I want to be with you until the day I die. That's the whole point of this whole thing. You and I go through life together. But here's the deal. I think we both know this is really not good between you and I. The fact that we haven't touched each other in— insert time period here— that's not healthy. And any therapist would tell you the same thing. In fact, you probably have a therapist who may have told you exactly that. I'm willing to work on this not simply for the old SEX. That's important in a relationship. Any therapist will say that too. But that's like the end game of a lot of stuff in between. And we don't even do any of the stuff in between. We don't hug, we don't kiss, we don't do— we don't go on dates, we don't do none of this stuff. It's like you've just checked out without divorce. And that's no way to live as a couple. But I'm willing to put in work to get us back together. What do you say? Are you willing to join me on this adventure, or are you just like, 'Eh, that's the last thing I want to do'? Because if it's the last thing you want to do, then let's just shake hands and call it quits and just be good parents to our children, but, you know, do this separately. Go through with divorce. That comes from a place of strength. It's like, 'Hey, I don't really need you, woman. I would love to have you, hence why I married you, but if you don't want that, I'm not going to do this unilateral one-way thing anymore. I've tried this for years and years. It don't work. So what do you say? You're going to join me or no? Now here's the thing, you got to be able to follow up on that and say, uh, if she says no, I'm not going to do that, dipshit, then you go, okay, cool. Anyway, I wrote this divorce agreement. Here you go, look it over or have an attorney look it over and let me know what you think. That shows like you mean business. It's often with that passing of the divorce papers that often the woman goes, oh shit, he's, he's being serious. 'Okay, what did you want to do? You want to go talk to a therapist or something? Fine, we'll go talk to a therapist.' That's not the reaction you want, is it? But it's a possible step towards the right direction. It gets the ball rolling. Maybe. Usually not, but, you know, maybe. Um, that's the tone at least that you want to take to this therapy session, Tim and others. It's not 'boo-hoo, I can't believe you, what's wrong with you,' or 'you're some kind of broken monster.' It's This is what I want to do. You with me or not? Come on, woman, I love you. Let's do this. High five, Team Tim and Mary, or whatever it is. But it's so heartbreaking to get a, you know, get the woman across from you going, no, dude, I don't, I don't want to do that shit. Just leave me alone for a bit, would you? Sucks, right? Hold on a second, let me get my glasses. I think they're in here in my bag. Here, guys, look, it's my backpack. A little behind the scenes action, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, oh shit, I got like 2 pairs of glasses. All right, try not being able to see your, your comments here and squinting like an old man. All right, we got Mr. J from YouTube saying, enjoy your videos with Dr. Psych Mom. Well, thank you, I appreciate that. You make a good combo as a guy. I appreciate that, except that she accepts that it's okay for men to have sexual needs. That's incredibly validating. Well, very good. I'm— I will pass that on to her. I'm sure she'll be happy to hear that. Isn't that, um, isn't that sad that it's, it's so unusual, if you will, for a woman to be so— and it's not necessarily like, um, oh, really, uh, super pro-male to a kind of an odd degree. We see that there's a lot of accounts out there from women I often say there's a whole market of reasonably attractive women who say very pro-male things about sexuality and relationships in general, and they can just write their own ticket. You get a pretty gal and they're saying, men are right, gosh darn it, and men just flood to their accounts, send them money, do whatever, and these women do very well for themselves. But Samantha, who I respect a great deal, I love Samantha's stuff, I love her material, I love Uh, she's incredibly bright person. The more you get to know Samantha— I'm not saying I really know her all that well, we chat on occasion— um, you realize the chick's got it going on. She's very smart, and she's a doctor, for goodness sakes, doctor of psychology. So she's no dummy, um, way smarter than yours truly. So I learned a lot from working with her over the years and collaborating with her. So when that kind of person basically puts out there, hey dudes, you're not monsters, you're normal for having these needs, And ladies, your dude's normal for having these needs. To hear that from such a well-respected individual like that, especially when they're a lady, it does mean a lot, doesn't it? But that sentiment of, guys, your sexuality is normal, it's nothing to be ashamed of, I know you're a horn dog, I know you want it more, so guess what, you're healthy, high five to you, dude— that is so such a left turn from the, I guess, overall message societally. Is that a term? Um, something that we hear overall in the general societal discourse is the tone we hear more often than not is one of, we see your sexuality, man, you got to suppress that shit, dude. I know you want your wife, I know you're looking at all these other women, but hey, put that under wraps, man. And the answer, the, the follow-up that from some men is like, like, how under wraps exactly should I be? And The answer, unfortunately, to a lot of these men from a lot of society is, oh, just put it under wraps for good. You're married, you're a father, you've been with this woman 10, 20, 30 years. That, that chapter of your life's over, dude. Sorry, that's not healthy, that's not normal, that's not, um, any good. There's got to be some kind of compromise here, or there's got to be some kind of middle ground. I think that's what Dr. Psych Mom and I would like to think myself represent. Alex asks, what's the average size attendance at BroFest? I think the most we've had at one in the past was 60 gentlemen. Six-zero. We would like to be more than that this year, but who knows? You never know. I think we have officially 20 guys signed up so far, and we're a year ahead of time, so we're doing pretty good as far as the pace of things. Let's keep it going, and we would love to have you, Mr. Alex. Join us, my friend. You get a hug from yours truly. Okay, maybe that just scared you away. So, Mr. Useful Youth— it's hard for me to say— Useful Thoughts— could you pick a more, uh, tongue twister? Useful Thoughts: I have 3 academic degrees but a low income. This often disappoints women, and they don't understand my free lifestyle. What do you think about the— about low-income high-education men? Who cares what I think, dude? What do you think? Yeah, woman, I'm a— I make $25 grand a year. I live out of my van. I'm happy as can be. I love my life. I live on the beach. I'm making a bunch of shit up. I don't know, dude. It's what I do, man. And I got a lot of degrees because I like learning. I find life interesting. Is what it is. Now, with that being said, as, as, um, confident as that sounds, and it's like, I don't really give a shit, as that may sound— yes, Useful Thoughts, you are, um, going to scare away a large percentage of the women out there, women that are interested in long-term monogamous relationships, marriage, whatever it may be. They're going to look for somebody who has a track record of, um, earning, winning, ambitious behavior. Most women that are like, I'm looking for a long-term dude, husband material out there, if I were to put like, here's, uh, you, UT, Mr. UT here, here's his criteria: degree, degree, degree. I think probably 9 times out of 10 women will be like, interesting, sounds like a hard-working dude, tell me more. 'Yeah, but he's not interested in making any kind of money. This is how much he makes and he ain't going ever going to go beyond that. He's cool with the way things are now.' They'll be like, 'Probably a guy I would have fun with, maybe, but as far as marriage and all that stuff, no, not for me, thanks.' That's going to be a big chunk of, dare I say, the majority of women out there. Let's just face reality. That's what it is. Are these women shallow? Are they? No. I mean, they're— they got certain criteria for what they're looking for in a mate. And most women will say it's not a guy— I'm making shit up again— that lives out of his van and, you know, beach bum type of dude. It might be the guy that she has the summer fling with. It might be the guy that she's, uh, you know, had— has a little something and blogs about it later or whatever, but not for a long-term relationship. Is that bad? I don't think so. I'm not going to look at this woman and say they're a bunch of shallow a-holes or whatever. Is what it is, man. Much like— here, let's try to draw a parallel and flip the genders. The vast majority of men, if you put, um, you know, a resume together of a woman— here's a potential mate for you, dude, cool, let's see— and you're like, she's got her own money, she got a good career, she loves kids, she's great with kids, look at all of her friends, she has a— you know, we've hooked up a, a truth detector machine to her brain and She's never committed infidelity. She's never screwed around. She's been a good person. She's a very good person. She donates to charity. She does all these things. You're like, what a good individual. I'd like to get to know this person. And then they show you an image and she weighs 900 pounds and she looks like Jabba the Hutt. 9 times out of 10, those men are going to say, ooh, not for me. Sorry, Jabba, you know. I'm sure you can find a better match for you, but it ain't me. Oh, how shallow, how terrible. And then she goes to the internet and says, can you believe all these men? They won't give me a chance just because I look like this. That's what it is, man. Tim says, thanks, Ralph Brewer. Well, thank you. You hit the nail on the head with a lot of that. I am Mr. Anxious, she is avoidant, etc. What I'm really hoping for, uh, some form of accountability from her. To put a plan into action or call it. So, Mr. Tim, you're kind of sitting back with your arms crossed going, let's see what you got. Well, Mr. Tim, she's had years and years to show you all this stuff, I assume, right? That ain't her, man. She's not Mr. or Miss— excuse me— go for it, let's fix this relationship, woohoo, let's get this relationship train back on the tracks, let's do this, man. No, man, that ain't her, dude. Um, she's, you know, if she's like most the gals, most of the spouses of the guys that come to me and for help and so forth, it's like she's— in terms of the amount of mental energy that she puts into you two as a couple, it's close to zero. The effort that you've probably put into it is probably an 11 out of 10. You're wildly mismatched in that, in that department. There's a lot of women watching this saying, yeah, right. No, no, these guys exist. They put so much work, they put so much mental effort and everything into relationship. They're very preoccupied with the health of the relationship, and they got a wife who's just like yawning. I don't give a shit, man. That's who she is, dude. So if you're sitting back and waiting, hell, I can save you the time, dude. Ain't gonna happen, probably. Yeah, maybe she's gonna— my glasses are a little crooked there, aren't they? Maybe she'll surprise me. No, I'm bothered by that. Um, you own a 100 square meter apartment and a car? You— oh, okay, cool. But it's not enough. Says who? The majority of women out there. The majority of women that UT attracts, hangs on to. It's not enough for what? For long-term partnership. Cool, good for them. Are you saying you get like no action? Food for thought, my friend. Some of the men that have been in my periphery, in my life, at some, some degree— how ironic that the ones who had the most luck with women, and by that I mean sexual success, let's be honest, the guy has a lot of notches on his belt, on his bedpost, whatever, tend to be kind of losers, like from a very superficial, uh, ones and zeros money point of view, career aspirations point of view. The, the quintessential beach bum, the guy who, you know, lives out of his, his van but travels all over the place and playing guitar on the beach and doing odd jobs and everything, those guys tend to get laid, man. What is that? That free spirit, that I don't give a shit spirit. And then what's interesting though, while they may get laid, so to speak, I bet if you ask that guy, if you were to approach 10 women in a bar and say, this is, you know, give them the speech, this is who I am, this is what I do, he'd probably tell you, oh, 9 out of 10 would tell me to get lost, but the 10th one, she has fun, she don't mind, we have fun, that's it. But he would also tell you, but I'm not delusional enough to think that I'm going to get a long-term relationship with any of them. Because I don't have the qualities that most ladies desire in a long-term mate. Is that a good, uh, summation of your situation? Uh, Jay says, follow-up to your previous comment, my wife hates the idea of planning any kind of improvement. She's just gonna wait until things magically improve and then she'll consider affection and sex. LOL. 10 years of dead bedroom and counting. Jay, my friend, I don't know what more you need, dude. She's— get away, get away, get away, get away. And you're like, no, you're not going to get rid of me that easy. Get away, get away. I don't know how many more getaways. And then you're like, well, maybe you can work on— no, no, dude, ain't gonna happen, man. Um, is what it is, dog. Uh, uh, let the gal go. You may be surprised. She may be like, oh well, cool. I got rid of that dude, no biggie. It hurts, it sucks. What a shitty thing of her, if that's in fact her mindset and all this. But it may be best for both of you. You may both flourish when you're apart from each other. It sounds like this ain't a happy union, but I'm just going by a few little posts here or comments here, not necessarily fair. Uh, UT says it was not enough for recently a medical doctor, a PR CEO girl, and even an unemployed woman. No matter whom I date, they all want luxury holidays and a house with a garden and a pool. Well, who doesn't want that? But they want that from a long-term mate. Sure, like I just told you, you know, pretend you're the Jabba the Hutt woman. None of these men— all these men want the woman with the 34-24-36 hourglass figure and looks like an Instagram model and which is not necessarily true. They just don't want Jabba the Hutt. Maybe you're saying all these women want the, the guy with the, the garden and the, in the pool and everything else. Is that maybe a little bit of a self-defense mechanism of, no, they want a guy with more aspirations, more ambition in life? There is the case, UT and others, that, you know, there's a lot of this, um, uh, narrative out there of what do women bring to a relationship. Women just cause a lot of anxiety and, and tension in a man's life. And a lot of men report, you know, once divorced, like, the weight's off my shoulders. I'm free to do whatever the hell I want. If I want to stay up a little late and watch the game, I could do that. If I want to go drive to the beach and do this and do that, go fishing, it's just like, holy shit. And their, uh, conclusion and all that is, wow, women in my life— when he looks back on this and other relationships— just really are kind of a buzzkill. They just put a big blanket of depression over everything. Then once they're gone, I'm alive again. Sure, that's one way of looking at it. But I'll tell you what, you know me, this is coming from me, very pro-male dude. For a lot of guys out there, a lot, do you know what a woman represents in their life? Something to shoot for. Something to impress, someone to impress. Um, there are plenty of men out there who pre-woman was a guy sitting on his butt playing video games. Not a lot of ambition. Yeah, is what it is, man. I got my little part-time job, got my apartment, I can cover the rent and have a few bucks left over to hang out and have some beers, put food in the fridge. What more does a guy need? Then he meets a woman. She expects more. She expects ambitions. And he's like, eh, I guess I'll go over to my uncle's business and get a job selling insurance. I guess I'll work really hard, become an insurance salesman. I guess I'll work and eventually become manager of the insurance. I guess I'll become regional director. I guess— and when he looks back on all of his success later, when he's a 60-some-year-old guy sitting on a pile of money, he's like, I got my wife to thank for a lot of that. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have the drive and the ambition to really get going in the world. That's a lot of men. So the— is the conclusion that, um, you know, a lot of guys wouldn't have any kind of sense of, of go-getterness or whatever, or ambition or whatever in life if it's not for women? I think that applies to a lot of men. Let's just be honest. Not every man. Some men flourish professionally, spiritually, and everything when they're single. They're more wired for the bachelor life. When they're tied down to one woman, they're just like, and that just stifles all kinds of creativity, ambition, everything in me. They just become couch potatoes, and then they later in life realize, like, why did I do this? That's a lot of men as well. But, um, anyway, it's not always a negative thing. Uh, Mr. Scott, who is a coach within Help for Men— so go to help4men.com/coaching and look at Scott's, uh, bio if you want to learn more about Mr. Scott M. He says, if you are measuring yourself with the materialistic standard, the women you are attracting also measuring you with a materialistic standard. There you go, dude. So, UT, we're not victim blaming here or pointing the finger at you, but we're like, maybe it's some, some vibes or wherever social circle you surround yourself in that you are attracting these women who are maybe a little shallow, a little superficial about what they want. I only want a guy who drives a Rolls-Royce. And but, you know, somebody came to me and said every woman that I'm with once a man who drives a Rolls-Royce, I'll be like, where are you hanging out, dude? What kind of women want a Rolls-Royce? I don't know anybody who's got a Rolls-Royce. Um, pardon me. Uh, Mr. Tim, you are referencing a backdrop which is not here. So you're talking about my other videos, um, that you see, uh, in my, in my other studio, if you want to call it that, that I do videos out of. Guitars in the background. Um, I've— yeah, I've talked about that before. It's just a— it's a hobby that I really don't spend enough time on. I'm your typical dude that's got guitars and I just fiddle every now and then and play some Led Zeppelin stuff and other things and, you know, for a couple hours and call it a day. I don't play out of the house. I have in the past with some dudes, that's way years ago. But, um, yeah, I have a, uh, PRS McCarty SE model, the one made in, uh, It's a Korea or Indonesia. I think there's— PRS makes them in two different places. And then I have a couple of, um, G&L models, the ASAT, which is their Tele version, or the version of the Tele rather, the Telecaster. And then the Strat version, which is the Legacy. And both of those are also the not the made in USA ones. I'm pretty cheap when it comes to a lot of stuff in my life. If you ever get to know me, a bit of a frugal dude. So I'll have the, uh, I've Bought both used, both on Reverb, just a few hundred bucks each. And the PRS actually bought on Reverb as well for $600, and that one had a new treble bleed put in it and some other updates, new tuners I think or something. Got new pickups in the, uh, ASAP from a local dude and new wiring. So I, I like the, um, technical aspect of guitars and stuff, the gear stuff. I really love that a lot. Almost more so than the actual plane. Kind of nerdy of me. And, um, as far as amps are concerned, I just have a, um, uh, the, the one modular amp. Dudes, I don't know what's going on with the brain today, but it ain't working. Kemper, thank— oh God, the Kemper Profiler. That's what I use. Which, by the way, if anybody's interested, I'd like to sell that thing. You know why? Not because it's bad, but because I only use like 0.1% of its capability as a bedroom player, basically. And it's kind of way overkill for me to have a Kemper. Anybody interested in buying a Kemper Profiler from me? ralph.b@help4men.com. ralph.b@help4men.com. Email me, put Kemper in the subject line and say I'm interested. Let's cut a deal, I'll send it to you. Um, Mr. UT says, I'm happy making around $30K and I have time to walk my dog, enjoy nature, cook, etc., but doesn't seem what women expect. A normal life. Cool. All right, dude, that's your world, man. You know, which do you want? You want to do the typical thing that most women— quote— most women out there want, or do you want your own little life that you love that's relatively low income but happy? Can't have it all, dude. You know, back to the Jabba the Hutt example. She's like, I like my food, I like my body the way it is. I'm not unhappy with being Jabba the Hutt and weigh 900 pounds, but it doesn't— damn, it doesn't seem to be what men want. This sucks. I don't know what to say, man. Um, Mr. Scott is hosting a meeting tonight for the Brotherhood. Again, help4men.com/join. See at the bottom of the screen there, he says, um, uh, the meeting title is The Art of the Call Out: Holding Each Other Accountable Without Being an Asshole. Scott always has the best meeting titles, meeting subjects. Oh, very good. We have a lot of meetings out there. I— oh, and thank you, Scott. We owe— he— Jay says, I owe much of my life success and achievement to my wife, and I tell her that frequently. Uh, she loves me the same, but work— she lives me. You kind of made some typos there, my friend. But works literally never express it out loud. She— okay, yeah, you just— I don't know if you had a stroke in the middle of your if your content or your comment there. Uh, UT says, I have a friend who only gets a BJ from his wife when he carried the trash out and washed the car. Oof. This kind of agreements are not romantic. No, that's not good. That's not healthy. And that's— if I would, if I pull that dude aside, I'm gonna— dude, don't do that, man. What are you doing? You know, I'll trade you this for that. And no, these kind of acts should not be born out of taking the freaking trash out and doing chores, for God's sakes. Not good. But yeah, that's Not unheard of thing, is it? Jay says, I make $100 grand and my wife has been unhappy for 25 years. Uh, you can't make someone else happy. It's up to her. And if she wants to be a victim, a martyr, no amount of money is going to change that. Yeah, it could be argued, Mr. UT and others. When you got a gal that says to you, you don't make enough for me, this is what I need, this is what I need, you say, oh phew, thank goodness. Shake her hand and go Thank you for not wasting any more of my time because you're not the type of individual I want to hang out with. Have a good day. Yeah, you are in essence— if that upsets you so much to the point of Mr. UT of being like, these freaking women, they're all— no, no, no, you were advertising what? Basically your scarcity when it comes to the romantic world. You know, if I'm out and about and let's say I'm a single dude again and I'm out meeting some gal and I, I just go to some gal that I think is kind of pretty, and I eyeball her and say she's about my age, and I go, hey, I'm Ralph, what's your name? Nice to meet you. She'd be like, sorry dude, I don't like bald men. I'd be like, okay, nice to meet you too, but, uh, all right, well, have a good one. I wouldn't sit up all night going, freaking women don't like bald guys. That's her opinion, dude. She likes men with hair, cool. Ironically, I probably wouldn't like a bald woman either, but hey, is what it is. But why would I just be so flippant and be like, yeah, good for her, cool? Because I know she's literally one of millions of women out there. Ain't no big deal, dude. UT, you have a sample size of how many women have turned you down? 672 women have turned you down because of your job? Probably not. What, 12, 20? Keep going, dude. Resign yourself to the fact that you're, you're in for maybe casual relationships that are fun but probably not going to find a long-term partner the way you want. Also cool, not the end of the world. Is this, um, point to the fact that you have kind of painted yourself into a corner? That's not the right analogy. Um, have you, uh, has someone or something sold you on the idea that you need a long-term partner to go through life with and if you don't have them, you're a failure. Is that something to explore? It's not necessarily true. Mr. J, I would paint the entire house and buy her a new car for a BJ. This isn't good, buddy. I wouldn't, I wouldn't, I wouldn't advertise this to the world. I'm pitiful too. No, no, um, it's just messing with you. Uh, Joel says you have to find value in yourself before you can expect others to do the same. Very well put, Joel. Thank you. Uh, Mr. JKS says, if someone doesn't value you without money, you're better off not having them in your life. Very good. Yeah. Um, UT says, I had around 40 women in my life. Damn. So we're kind of like the, the vagabond lover here. Um, you're kind of playing that out, aren't you? I am 43, but it's getting harder. You're 43 now and it's getting harder, what, to get women? So do you always have like this carousel of women coming in and out of your life, and now like the carousel has kind of slowed down, and what used to be 3 women a month is now one every other month, one every 6 months, and you're just like, uh-oh, this isn't good? And the feedback you're getting from women is like, we need some more ambition out of you, dude. Um, maybe this is the universe telling you it's time to do more, or do you just go, eh, here's what it is, I like who I am? Um, he says, exactly. So you were Mr. Lover Boy and now you're not so much. Um, is this somewhat, um, oh boy, why am I even going down this train of thought? But hear me out. Um, I've heard this out of women's mouths, so I'm not being sexist. I'm not saying, haha, ladies, this isn't good, this isn't nice, this isn't fair. I feel for you ladies. But there is this, um, phenomenon thing of, um, some women saying, I was in my 20s and 30s and I had male callers, suitors, whatever. This sounds very old-fashioned, isn't it? A lot of guys hitting on me, wanting me, wanting my number, wanting to take me on dates, but paying for meals, wanting to take me on vacations, proposing marriage. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no. Maybe they had a failed long-term relationship or two, and then they get in their 40s and it's, it's okay, they still get some attention. Their 50s, and they're like, what What happened? 60s, they're like, be nice to have a guy and be nice to get attention again. It'd be nice. And, uh, a lot of these ladies, and I talk to them, they tell me like, I feel invisible now and this sucks. Maybe you're reaching that kind of the equivalent of that in UT's world. I don't know. Mr. Lover, Mr. Playboy, and they're just like, not enough, dude. You're 43 now, we need to see a little bit more out of you to keep going. I don't know. It could be a whole bunch of different things here. Mr. Scott, a different Mr. Scott, says, is it a red flag if a woman you've been dating for 6 months does not add you to Facebook? Would you suspect that they're hiding something? I don't know. I don't give a shit. Um, while I am active on Facebook and other social media platforms It is solely for work stuff. In fact, I abandoned my personal stuff years ago. If any of you know me personally, can probably attest to that. Go to my personal Facebook page and be like, when's the last time this dude did anything with it? It's probably like, shit, I don't know, 2, 3 years ago that I posted anything. And, um, my wife may go to that and go, man, my husband doesn't like post pictures of like, look at my cute kids and my, my pretty wife, and he doesn't wish me happy birthday on his, on on his page or anything like that? Would it kill him to do that? And I'm like, yeah, I don't do that shit anymore. And she's secure enough to go, yeah, my husband didn't— don't do that shit anymore, no biggie. I show her enough love outside of that. Um, but— and here comes— there's going to be a plethora— there's a good word— of men out there that will tell you she's hiding something. She's hiding you. She's hiding— she's up to no good. This is Dude, time to investigate. They might be on to something, maybe not, I don't know. You ever approach her and go, how come I'm, uh, how come you don't add me on Facebook? What's up with that? What's wrong with that? Is that a little needy? Is that a little bit— I don't know, just, it's all in how you approach it. Like, hey, you want to add each other on Facebook? If she's like, nope, be like, how come? Wonder what she would say. What's wrong with pursuing that? I don't know if it bothers you that much. To me, I'm just like, I don't give a shit. Um, but that's me. He says, the Dadvocate Lauren live in about 2 hours, and now DSL Help for Men live. I am blessed. Well, thank you very much. I appreciate that. Um, and, uh, he says that Lauren told me that she's anticipating meeting you in person at this year's BroFest. Next year's Bro Fest 2026. Hey, thank you for bringing that up. Yes, myself and Lauren the Dadvocate and Dr. Robert Glover, Scott Morales, who was on here earlier, and the rest of the, um, HFM team will be at brofest2026.com. Bro Fest 2026.com. We do have a Bro Fest coming up here in a couple of weeks, Bro Fest 2025. Been sold out for a while. Sorry, guys. Uh, it's a smaller affair. We're going— we rented a beach house and we're making something small just to try something different out. But next year is back to the full-fledged conference kind of atmosphere. Try to get as many dudes as we can in the door, and we're going to make it a big one. So check it out, Mr. Jack. Was that the— let me jump back to, uh, is it Jock Jack? I'm going by your username here on YouTube, Jock. Mr. J, um, and, uh, uh, others, uh, I'll lose my— where am I at? Um, we would love to have you join us. Check it out. Meet myself and others, hang out for the weekend. We're in Louisville, Kentucky, is going to be the location of BroFest 2026. Plenty to do there, plenty of good places to eat, hang out, things to see. Make a weekend out of it, hang out with myself and others. It's dudes only, dudes only, other than Lauren, anybody, any other female speakers we may have, but attendees, Jack Lu men. All right, Jack Lumen, very good. Ask about Facebook, says Scott. I don't know what that means, Scott. I'm dramatic pauses. I'm thinking, what does he mean by this? Scott, don't be so cryptic. If this is for me directly, say, hey Ralph, you should do this and this. Ask about Facebook. Hey guys, tell me about Facebook. I don't I don't know what that means. Is that in ref— oh, is that in reference to the previous thing where the guy says, uh, is it a red flag you've been dating for 6 months and she does not add you to Facebook? So just ask her about the Facebook thing. That's what I said. Yeah. Um, all right, what else, guys? Anything else? We've been on for, uh, almost an hour already. Wow, that goes by fast. Let me bring up my other little banners here. You know, guys, um, you can see behind me— oh shit, wrong way— point with my glasses there. This little guy right here, The Dead Bedroom Fix, is the name of my most popular book. It's the most popular thing I've ever done, period. If it wasn't for that book, you wouldn't see me here today. That book and the success of that book led to this, led to this, led to this, led to a lot of people seeing me, led to the ability for me to devote myself full-time to this. It's very popular for a reason. I'm a little biased, but I think it's pretty good. And the book is called The Dead Bedroom Fix. It addresses— of all the things I've ever talked about over the years, and I've talked about a lot of different stuff when it comes to being a single dude, a single dad, starting over in life, divorce, and everything else— there are two topics that get more attention than anything else. Number one by a long shot is dead bedrooms, sexless marriages, low sex, low amounts of intimacy in a long-term relationship from the male perspective as being the, quote, victim The guy who wants more, but the spouse says buzz off. That's the number one thing I've ever talked about that gets more attention than anything else, hence the sales of that book. The number two most popular topic is somewhat related, is, uh, female infidelity. In fact, good tie-in, I recently did an interview with Michelle Langley. She's the author of two books, Women's Infidelity 1 and Women's Infidelity Part 2. She has a website, womensinfidelity.com. Check it out. And we did an interview for the Help for Men YouTube channel. So just do a search for Michelle Langley Help for Men and you'll find it on YouTube, or go to @realhelpformen. That's our, our, uh, handle on YouTube. And that's got some pretty good numbers, that, that, uh, video, that interview, um, because it's right behind the whole sexless marriage thing. Those are the two big, most, uh, emotion-laden topics that I talk about that get the most attention from a lot of people. So, um, Mr. J says, your therapist says that I need to stop focusing on sex and see the other ways that she is expressing love. That's great, but I'm sick of hiding how I feel. Uh, I need sex. It's not negotiable. I just can't keep waiting. I'm with you, dude. Um, in essence, what your therapist did in a roundabout way is, is kind of lessen or belittle that aspect of your human nature, which is the need for sexual intimacy. I'm not a therapist, I'm not a psychologist, I'm not a— of any kind. No degrees, no nothing behind me here. Bald dude, microphone, one of many, yada yada. But if you came to me with that, I would say, well, you're a healthy man. Yeah, of course you want that. You're engineered to do that. Hence why we have the proliferation of sex workers, pornography, and all these other stuff. It preys upon that inclination. You're wired to want that and want that often from a plethora of different women. Sexual variety is kind of what we're engineered for, which is why, as I and others just sit here— hear that? That's me making about a million more sperm. Well, that was pretty crass and gross, but I'm just making a point. So to take that aspect of who we are in our brain and everything else hormonal, everything works in concert to say, hey, you're supposed to be doing this, dude, why aren't you doing this? To go to a therapist and say, body, brain yelling, and they just go, yeah, that's silly, you should think about other stuff, like how she makes awesome dinners for you, isn't that worth something? Yeah, you're like, that doesn't resolve the very real screaming innate natural animalistic urges, desires, needs that I have within me. Sorry, but if, you know, the natural, uh, progression for this line of thinking is, if she's not going to do it, maybe somebody else will— oh, that's a big no-no. Why? Because she knows she'll probably lose you if you do that. You go get it elsewhere and get your jollies met there. Through some other woman who gladly wants to do that with you, you're gone. You're never coming back. That's just how it goes. So for a lot of women, the goal is— for a lot of women like this, low libido— the goal is keep the family unit together, keep the kids under one roof, don't split up the family. If that means pissing him off and shaming him to the point where he no longer wants anything to do with me, cool, so be it, as long as we're still together. And your therapist is kind of going along with that, that train of thought. Hey, gotta stick together, dudes, no matter what. And I think it's horseshit. It's unhealthy. I'm, you know, in a way it's kind of a, um, I bet you if your therapist is like most, they would consider themselves to be a very progressive-minded kind of individual. But it's funny how that progressive-mindedness has a limit, and, uh, Your therapist, like most, would probably be, um, agreeable with the fact that yes, we, uh, sorry if I piss off some of your more religious types, but it's my show, bear with me, that yes, we have evolved from the ape. Yes, we are one of the, um, many mammals in the animal kingdom. Yes, we have a certain level of desires and inclinations. And a lot of people go, we're not animals. Yes, we are. And a lot of women say, you're just a slave to your hormones. I don't think you want to go down that road talking about being slave to hormones and emotions. Okay, just put that out there. So, um, but what's funny is they will agree with all that science. Yes, part of the animal kingdom. Sure, we all have a series of— so it would— so what about human sexuality? Yeah, it ends there. Why? Because it's not nice. It's not nice to tell this woman who's been mother to your children and done all these things over the years, and yet that she's not scratching that itch, it's not very nice to her, and it puts the relationship in danger, and all this other stuff. Yeah, let's just pretend we don't hear that. The same level of scrutiny and dismissiveness, if you will, is not given to the other more softer, more feminine things, such as, hey husband, your wife says she needs to, you know, connect with you emotionally. Your wife says that she wants to talk to you at night. It's not a big, not a big deal to talk to your wife, for God's sakes. You know, have a heart-to-heart like you used to. Don't just dismiss her and go, uh-huh, yeah, whatever, and drink your beer and go downstairs to the basement and disappear for hours. That's not nice. Don't do that. Now, if he went and said, she should appreciate me for my work and forget about the emotional stuff, every therapist would say, no, dude, you don't work that way, man. That's not nice. You need to be kinder and gentler and more empathetic to your wife and open up to her and talk to her. You're her spouse, for God's sakes. But when it comes to the old in and out, they're like, okay, now that's not every therapist, but you got a not so good one, sorry to say. Hmm. Oh, by the way, says Gert John, I'm not even going to attempt this name from Facebook. Gert says, oh, by the way, divorced last year, still adjusting to not giving a shit, but I'm getting there. Uh, start not caring about being Facebook friends with women you're just dating. They don't care either. It'll be fine. There you go. That's a roundabout way, uh, Mr. Gert is saying, uh, you just— no need to be so anxious. Just let her do her thing. It sounds like that part of the relationship is not very important to her. If it's super important to you— to myself and Gert, we're like, that's not too good— but if it is in fact very important to you, maybe you let her go for that kind of reason. I don't know, it seems kind of silly, but— or at least approach her. Uh, UT, back to the— this is the gentleman who's underperforming according to a lot of ladies financially and otherwise. He says, so it seems that younger women are more interested in me. Interesting. My largest age difference was 10 years younger. How old are you, Mr. UT? I forgot, you said 40, 41, right? So 31, that's— I mean, that's not like you're robbing the cradle or anything. These are grown 30-some-year-old women. But it seems in my local pub, even girls in my 20s like me. What do you think about age gaps? And have fun, I don't care. Sorry, they're adults. I— you know who's— you know who cares more about that than, than most? A lot of ladies. Why? Because it's not nice that here's a guy that they're like, oh, potential mate, and he's like, yeah, I'm going out with a 29-year-old. She's like, you fucking— Why? Because she's 51 years old and she doesn't want to hear that. It's not nice. I know there's a lot of shit that's not nice. Like, women look at me and call me an egghead, and I look like a toe, or whatever it is. It's not nice either, but that's their preference. And if you're a guy who's like, uh, I don't know, I like hanging out with this 29-year-old, she seems nice, okay, then have fun. As far as I'm concerned, that's not weird. Um, and then your therapist says, Mr. J, the therapist says that sex will come later once we establish emotional connection and safety. Okay, uh, we are a year in and I'll keep trying. Yeah, that's, yeah, it's a difficult one, man. I did a video on this, some kind of— it'll come out later in the future, but you know, get it out of the way here. Um, a lot of men go, she wants emotional safety and connection? She sure as shit didn't want that when we first married. She didn't want that with all these guys that she was dating before me who she didn't have any kind of long-term relationship. Some one-night stands, some 2 or 3 week relationship. She barely knew the men and she had all kinds of fun with them. And yet here we are, 10, 20, whatever years into our relationship, and she won't even lay a hand on me unless we have— we achieve this nebulous, undefined emotional connection thing. Okay, what does that mean? Therapy? Sit down, talk to the— and the guy just tries anything and everything to reach this pinnacle of emotional connection, which is basically in her mind, let's be honest. And if you were to ask her and sit her down and put a gun to her head and say, tell us what emotional connection means, damn it, she won't be able to really define it either. It's one of those, I don't know, I'll know it when we achieve it. Not very fair to the spouse. It's tough, man. Um, at a visceral, physical, lustful level, if you will, sexual level, no, she doesn't need that to achieve a sexual connection with somebody. But she does with you. That's not a condemnation of you. I'm not saying because you are unattractive or whatever. It's because you're her spouse. The long-term monogamy game, way different than the early relationship game. Just the way it is, man. And, um, she is saying you ain't playing the game right at this stage in her life. But unfortunately, she doesn't know what the steps to the game are. She doesn't know. She won't share the the, uh, the instruction manual with you because she doesn't know it either. She doesn't have one either. It's tough. It'd be nice from a male perspective if they could say, do the following 5, 10 things and then we will officially achieve a level of safety and emotional connection. You could go, phew, now I know what to do, let's get to work. But it doesn't work that way, does it? And then you have the added obstacle of her saying, I can't tell him what to do because if I tell him exactly what to do and then he does it, that doesn't count. Ugh, it's a pain in the ass, right? Um, more than likely, will this result in a grand epiphany on your part of, I finally get it, what she means? And probably not. Um, and if she's not willing to put in work, which you said earlier, and all this other stuff, she's just sitting back and going, let's just wait and see if Mr. Man, uh, can finally achieve the prize and and kick the goal as I, you know, move the goalposts around so that he doesn't kick it. If he eventually does kick the goal by accident, I'll say, oh shit, he kicked the goal. Yeah, but you also need to do this over here. That's what you're in store for, dude. That's what I've seen over and over. I could be wrong. She could be— you know, we're only hearing one side of the story, Mr. J's side. If we sat her down and said, what's going on with you and J, maybe she has a totally different perspective on this that's very valid. And I may go back to J and say, J, dude, You forgot to mention this whole other thing, my man. Why didn't you talk about that? I don't know, but just going by what you say here, Mr. J, don't hold your breath. All right, useful thought. UT, how about 22 years of age? Dude, who cares what I think? Who cares what anybody thinks? If you meet a gal who is an adult You're 41 years of age, she's 22 years of age. You guys want to have fun together, whether that means sexy or not. What if you're just hanging out? Is that so weird? No, she's 22. Could she technically be your daughter? I guess if you started really young, but I don't— I'm, I'm not so puritanical that I'm so hung up on that. It's— I've never dated anyone with that big of an age difference. I think the biggest I ever was like Um, 9 years, so not bad. But, um, I never thought it was weird, and I don't know, I'm not, I'm not such a prude when it comes to that. 22-year-old, yeah, have fun, knock yourself out. Oh God, Mr. J, dude, were you the one that I did the video on before? We talked about your therapist. Your wife is a therapist. Is this that one or is this another one? You say, PS, my wife is a therapist and successfully treats couples all the time. Successfully, um, but in our session she is dead silent and says nothing. LOL. Is what it is, man. Uh, and then he's— and then UT says, you went on a walk in the woods with a 22-year-old chick with your dogs, nothing more. You seem very hung up on what everybody thinks, Mr. UT. That's something you need to work on, my friend. 22-year-old chick shows up with the dogs, you want to go for a walk? Yeah, sure, who cares? And you go for your walk and you— yeah, have a good one, see ya. Who gives a shit, dude? Have fun, enjoy her company. Something we miss out a lot on, just enjoying each other's company. Whether it's the 80-year-old woman next door wants to have tea, or whether it's the 22-year-old wants to walk dogs, have fun. Who gives a shit what everybody thinks? Okay, YouTube buddy, you're all over the place. Um, Grant from YouTube says, I'm 43 and I just pulled— that means he, you know, I pulled a 22-year-old girl. She's been coming to me all smiles and tall for a year. Smiles and tall, and she's really keen. She is sporty and is a cargo ship captain. That's kind of cool. 22-year-old cargo ship captain. Have fun. You're not going to hear me shame you or whatever. Enjoy that. Um, oh, she's all smiles and talk for a year, and she's really keen. So are you like, Grant, are you kind of on the, on the edge here? Like, should I ask her out officially on a date or what? Is that weird? Just ask the woman out, who cares? Yeah, you guys worry too much about what everyone thinks. Just have fun. And I'm sure I'll have an army of women watching this later if I cut this up in clips coming on saying, you, you a-holes, this is robbing the cradle, these poor women are getting taken advantage of, they're— she's being trafficked. That one's getting thrown around a lot. She's an adult woman, she likes this older dude, who gives a shit? Um, my wife is, uh, 6 years younger than me, and when we first started dating— I know this sounds like typical dude bragging things, but I have people, witnesses to back me up. My kids can back me up on this. When I first started dating Natalie, um, she looked like way younger than me. The baldness doesn't help with the whole age thing or whatever.. And, um, I've been accused of robbing the cradle and stuff. Like, dude, she's only 6 years younger than me. She's, she's a doctor, for fuck's sake, you know. Found myself just kind of hyper, uh, uh, defending myself and everything else. And eventually get to the point like, yeah, younger chick, yeah, knock yourself out, is what it is. Um, Jack Lewin says, hey, hey, she has a steady job, the ship cargo ship captain, that's a green flag. Yeah. It's unusual these days. Uh, ladies and germs, I need to call it quits here, but I thank all of you for joining me this fine— let me bring that back— uh, Wednesday afternoon. Let me go through the, uh, all the little things here. HelpForMen.com/join. Guys, one of you at least on here that are joining me today in the comments and so forth, 1, 2, 3 of you probably need to belong to a support community of some kind. That doesn't just mean commenting on random videos on the internet and talking to dudes in the comments. No, it means real back and forth communication, talk, live meetings, getting together in person, and forums and threaded discussions and all kinds of cool stuff. And, um, I happen to have a community just for that— the Brotherhood. help4men.com/join. Holy shit, I almost forgot! Let me put this out there, if I may. Hold on, ladies and germs, one moment please. Talk amongst yourselves. Uh, coupon code— let's see how this— let's see how this looks on screen, shall we? And save. Now what if I say show? There you go. Uh, helpformen.com/join takes you to the page to join. And when you check out— but we have different like levels of membership. You want to be a lifetimer, just pay once and be done with it, we have that. If you're like, I'd like to be a lifetimer but can I split that big cost up into like payments, yeah, we got that too. I just want to pay month to month and see how it goes, see if I like it before committing to anything else, we have that. I want to pay year to year, we got that too. Maybe a little— now that I'm saying out loud, maybe too many options, maybe it's kind of confusing. But anyway, Whatever option you choose, if you use the coupon code 200K, 2-0-0 and the level— and the letter K, excuse me, you get 30% off any of those for the lifetime of your membership. So if you're a month-to-month guy and I'm gonna, I'm gonna do that for the next few years, then it's 30% off each month. Pretty cool. Same for the annual, lifetime, 30% off. Boom, you're in for good. Um, the 200K is in, uh, in honor of— is that the right word? Commemorate? Whatever. Um, we reached 200,000 followers on the Dad Starting Over page on Facebook. Yay! Insert applause here. And, um, so use coupon code 200K, you get 30% off. Pretty cheap. Uh, if you're a veteran and you have the ID to prove it, you can also— there's a button right on that join page that says if you're a veteran, click here, you get 40% off regardless of coupon codes and all that other stuff. No, this coupon code cannot be applied to that Or can it? No, it can't. Not to the veteran discount already. We're not going to give this for free because we have a lot of costs to cover. Um, but, um, so stab myself. Check out the Brotherhood, help4men.com, coupon code 200K, get in, 30% off. All right guys, ah, too much talking today. I wore myself out. You guys have a wonderful rest of your afternoon. Um, Hope you guys, uh, catch me on my live coming up on Friday with Adam Nissensohn, the Betrayal Shrink. Check out betrayalshrink.com. That should be a good chat. And then I believe the week after that I got another one coming up, or two weeks after that, I don't know. Check out the schedule of the lives on Facebook, on YouTube, on the Dad Starting Over page. We're keeping busy with the lives. All right, thank you all so much for joining me. I appreciate all the comments. Let me see. Yeah, okay, cool. Um, all right, Mr. Jack, Mr. Youthful— Youthful Thoughts, I'll never be able to say that. Mr. UT and, uh, Jack and everybody else. Grant, Jay, who else am I missing? Mr. Scott from HFM, thank you. Check out the help4men.com/coaching and check out Scott's bio. I believe that'd be it. Hey everybody, thank you all so very much. Appreciate all of you, and we will catch you on the next one. A toodaloo!