Chat LIVE with Ralph (DSO)!

All right, all right, all right. Welcome everyone. How was everybody today? Let me switch camera here, scene, whatever we call this thing. There it is. Hello everyone, how are you guys today? It is Tuesday, as we used to say in Indiana. Tuesday on August 6th, 1 PM Eastern Time. Kind of an odd time for me, but hey, it works on my schedule. If you don't know by now, if you've been a loyal follower, whatever, viewer of this but the times are scattered all over the place. I can't stay on schedule for anything. I got 4 kids, I live in 2 different places. It's, it's a long story. It's annoying, but happy to be with you here, folks, today. Here with you here, you, but you know what I mean. Um, let me make sure everything is kosher on the Facebook here. Yeah, there's, uh, it's showing we are live, showing I got some folks with me today. So welcome folks, wherever you are watching this. Whether it's on YouTube, whether it's on Twitter or X or Facebook, if you could be so kind as give me a hey howdy, let me know where you're from, where you are joining us from. I always find it interesting to see how we reach folks all over the world with this thing. For those that don't know, my name is Ralph Brewer Brewer Brewer. You're watching this on a channel called Dad Starting Over. I've been doing the, DSO, as we say for short. In fact, most people refer to me as DSO. That was my little fake pen name for many years. Still is, you know, right under DSO and stuff. But anyway, um, been doing content creation, creating, writing articles, videos. It was articles for many years, and then it morphed into videos over the last 2-3 years. Been putting out hundreds of these little clips you've seen online. A lot of people know me that way. Most people know me via a book that I wrote that got really popular called "The Dead Bedroom Fix." I actually wrote 4 books, one on the topic of sex and marriage, one on divorce, one on what to look out for when dating, another one, a book for young men. But of all those 4 books, the one most popular one was the one about the old STX, of course, right? And that one sold a lot of copies and a lot of people find me via that book. So if you came via "The Dead Bedroom Fix," welcome, thank you for buying a copy. Or if any of the other books, you know, welcome. And you can learn more about those books on our quote new website. Uh, it's new as of like a couple months now. Help for Men. You can see the little logo above my head. Uh, we have kind of, uh, I wanna say branched out, I guess you could say. Um, we're reaching a larger swath of the population. Uh, the Dad Starting Over brand has a lot of likes. It's got, you know, hundreds of thousands of, of followers across all the different social media channels. It's, you know, had, uh, some videos go into the millions. I've sold lots of books under that name. So what why shift over to the Help for Men? I'm still being asked to this day, simply because it's a, I guess, more all-inclusive welcoming brand. You know, what if you're not a dad? What if you're not divorcing? What if you're not blah, blah, blah? Well, website called Help for Men and you can learn more at helpformen.com. You can see all my books there as well as Austin's book. Austin is one of our coaches that we have on staff with Help for Men. There's 6 of us total that do one-on-one coaching or mentoring if you wanna look at it that way for men all over the world. And we have a private group for men only called the HFM Brotherhood. HFM stands for Help for Men, and it's a private group for men only. We have all kinds of cool benefits to join. We're all helping each other out. We have private discussion forums, we have live Zoom meetings, we have all my books that I mentioned. You get 'em for free. Um, you download 'em PDF format or listen to the audiobook version, no extra charge to you. I mean, how cool is that? Um, one-on-one coaching at a much discounted rate compared to what the public pays. We get together in person. Speaking of getting together in person, we have two different main, I guess you could call them conferences, member conferences, one in the States and one in Australia. Our folks in Australia, Australia, hard to say, are getting ready to have their third conference, annual conference coming up in Sydney in October. And then we are getting ready to have our fifth one in the States. Can't believe this will be our fifth year, wow. In 2005. This will be our 5th year, 5th conference in the States. We're trying something different this year, see how it goes. If it, if it does well, we will replicate it and maybe have more than one conference per year in the States. How cool would that be? But we're going to have one. We're limited to just 10 guys to join us. We're renting a big home right on the beach in Charleston, South Carolina. We'll have 3 nights with myself and everybody else on the team doing workshops and just enjoying time with each other, learning from each other. Some of it will be very structured, some of it not so structured, like a hangout. We have a cookout when we get there, for example, do things on the beach together as a group. Um, want to keep it small and intimate, see how that goes, see if we get more out of it that way. Guys get more one-on-one time with myself and guys in the group. But that's, that's a good thing. The bad news is we only have 2 spots left. We already sold 8 of the spots, and that, um, that conference is not going to be until April of 2025, and we've already sold 8 of the 10 spots, so that's pretty cool. And you got to be a member to join us, so check it out at help4men.com. You can check out the HFM Brotherhood there, or you can go right to help4men.com/join. I will put the, uh, that here in the comments so you guys can just click if you are interested in learning more. And you are a dude, I should make that clear. This is for dudes only, private group for dudes only. And join over 700, 700 guys from around the world. And we're very proud of that. That's where a lot of good work is done, where we help men from all over, mentoring, working one-on-one. And you know, if you're a guy and you're on our— we have a Discord server, we also have a private Facebook group. If you get on there and say, hey guys, this is what's going on, I started dating this gal and this and this is going on, post your problem, you're probably gonna get about 20 to 50 replies right away from guys all over the world saying, here's what I would do, here are my thoughts, let me ask you a follow-up question, been there, done that, here's what I did. And these guys are like, Thank God, this is invaluable to me. This is just, this is exactly what I needed all these years, other guys to talk about this stuff with. Because many of us do not have that in our lives, unfortunately. I mean, we've got buddies, right? But if you went to your buddy, like, my wife cheated on me, most guys are like, what? I don't know how to deal with this. Or, hey, wife and I haven't done it in years, and oh God. Or, I'm divorced and I'm having girlfriend problems. Most of our, you know, most of our friends are dads and they're just, you know, Typical boring dads, they don't have— they don't— they're out of the dating game. They don't know that whole world. So it's nice to have other guys that are in your shoes to bounce stuff off of. So check it out, helpformen.com. Let's see who we got joining us so far. Mr. Lovicious from YouTube says hi. Well, hello, Mr. Lovicious. Where are you joining us from? And we got Mr. Jason from YouTube saying Michigan. All right, Michigan. You guys won the national championship last year, right? And then you lost your coach. Where did he go? Harbaugh. I got some friends from Michigan. That's all they talked about for a while. I get my dates, my years confused. Was that last year they won the championship? Was that the year before? Anyway. Oh, and then we have Marcus all the way from the Philippines. Well, how cool is that? See, got people from all over. So if you're joining us from wherever and you're watching this from wherever, let us know where you're from. I'll give you a shout out. Uh, any questions at all for yours truly? Anything at all? What these are, it's not me just sitting here blabbing nonstop about stuff, trying to sell you stuff or whatever. Now, this is a business, you know, with Help for Men and Dad Starting Over, selling books and coaching and the private men's group. You know, somebody's got to pay for all this stuff somehow. We try to keep our private men's group as— the cost of joining, there is a cost involved, but we try to keep it as low as humanly possible. I've told guys before that I've met with other people that do membership groups of different kinds. You know, there are membership groups all over the web for all kinds of interests and disciplines and whatever you can think of, there's a group out there for it, and they all charge membership. And everyone says, for what we offer, which is a lot to our group, they're like, you should add another number to that monthly fee. It's like, yeah, but I don't want to scare away a lot of guys. We have a lot of guys that are in need of help, guys are in the middle of divorce, single dads and everything. To throw like a 3-figure monthly thing at them, it's like, that doesn't make sense. And I know a lot of times therapy costs a lot more than that and everything else, but still, I want to keep My goal is to have 5,000 guys in the group. That will make me very, very happy. And that's not many considering the tens of millions that are out there needing help. So the, the cost, when you break it down, if you pay month to month, it comes out to be like 70-some cents a day. That's like nothing. If you pay for the year, it comes up to like 30-some cents a day. And then we have a lifetime plan, so you don't have to worry about, you know, regular payments or anything like that. Um, almost three-fourths of our membership ended up paying for the lifetime. Usually they stick around for like a month or two, and then they do the annual plan, and then they do the annual plan for like a year or two, and they're like, you know what, why am I continuing to pay, pay? I know I'm not going anywhere, I love this. Here, one time, boom, done, don't have to worry about it. So almost three-fourths of them do that. That's pretty awesome. That's a big, um, testimony, I guess you could say, to how awesome our group is. Uh, and JP Rice is glad to finally be able to see you live, Ralph Brewer. Welcome, JP. I'm glad you got to catch us. Marcus asked, is the— very good question, Marcus— is the group exclusively for straight men? No, but I will be completely honest with you, we have yet to have a man get on there. Is that true? I think we had one man say that he was openly bisexual. It's like, cool, no problem with that, whatever, you know, welcome. We welcome the different perspectives on everything, right? But I don't know of any men that have outwardly said, I am a gay male. Um, but you're welcome, absolutely. I mean, again, we can all learn from each other, right? But you're going to see, to be quite honest with you, the majority of the, um, oh, how to say, relationship-oriented questions and discussions within the group and meetings and so forth within the group are going to be from the perspective of a hetero dude. It's like, I got a problem with my woman, my wife, my girlfriend I'm dating, etc. So if you're like, I'd like to meet with, you know, fellow gay men to talk about relationship issues, he's not gonna find much. At least they're not vocal. Maybe they're out there, don't know. The numbers, the stats show we should have some bi and gay men in the group, but they've not been openly vocal about that. And we by no means are creating a group that would, what's the word I'm looking for, shun them in any way, no. And in fact, if you were to join our group and you say, some guys are making me feel uncomfortable, I've been harassed or whatever for my sexuality, then we would get with those guys and say, beat it. We don't need that energy in the group. So I would say welcome, knowing full well that you may not find a lot of guys, assuming you yourself are gay men, you know, whatever. But anyway, that's, yeah, let's deal with that. We welcome all kinds of guys as long as you're a dude. That's the only stipulation we have, and we want to keep it that way. We have had some guys bring their wife on in meetings, and the guy who brings the wife on in a meeting is usually the coach, the guy hosting the meeting. So the guy will say, like, Austin will bring his wife Shannon on the meeting to discuss some issues they've had with their sex life or their sex life after having a kid. And he'll bring in the wife and she'll give her perspective and they'll take questions back and forth. I've brought my wife in on a meeting before to talk about, um, different things. Um, in the last annual conference we had, I brought my wife and we talked about our story. We talked about, uh, hormone replacement therapy. My wife is a medical doctor, went over very well. So we're not, you know, He-Man woman-hater club, but we recognize this is a space for men, and it's very important for us dudes to feel quote-unquote safe to talk about certain stuff and not have the women in our lives looking over our shoulders saying, what are you talking about? What are you doing in there? Because I, I don't know psychologically what it is, but it's anytime you have a male-only space, I'll be darned, any guy who's done any kind of fraternal group, whether it's online or in person or whatever it is, will tell you, boy, the ladies are just pounding on the door wanting to come in. What do doing in there? What are you talking about in there? It's like, it's all right, don't worry about it. Just let us have our space and our time to do our thing. And that's what the group's all about. We recognize the importance of that. So check it out, help4men.com and the HFM Brotherhood. Thank you for asking, Marcus. Uh, any other questions from anybody? Um, we talk about, um, you know, on these lives, and if you've not seen any of my videos, we talk about the marriage thing. Um, I get a lot of questions about sex and marriage. Specifically the topic of what we call dead bedrooms, which is another word for sexless marriage or sexless— dead bedroom usually doesn't mean we absolutely positively do nothing ever, although we hear that a lot, unfortunately. Usually it's like, I think the quote unquote technical definition of dead bedroom, although, you know, dead bedroom's not like a scientific term or anything. I think just people just got together and said, we'll call it a dead bedroom if you're doing it like once a month or less, I think is the term, or maybe 10 times a year or something like that, then you are dead bedroom. Problem with that is it's a very subjective term. You ask this guy over here and he says, we're doing it maybe like once a week and that ain't enough for me. While you ask the guy next to him and he says, once a week, dude, I would kill for that. What the hell? That's like porno stuff to me. So it's a subjective thing, whatever it is you're comfortable with. And some women are the same way. Some women are like, I need that connection with my man every day, or else it feels weird. And some women are like, I don't ever think about it. If we do it once a quarter, whatever. It's all over the place. Um, but I think any psychologist or therapist will tell you, if you had to put the populations against each other, men versus women, it's usually the men that are complaining about the lack of sex within the marriage, within the relationship. Although it seems to be that gap is narrowing. We're seeing, um, a lot more women If you go to online forums like Reddit and so forth where they talk about sexless marriages and dead bedrooms, more and more and more women are getting on there saying, I would like a lot more and it ain't happening. My husband doesn't want anything to do with me in that way. Um, so the question is then, what the heck's going on? I think a big part of it— I think there's two big components. Uh, one is pornography. Um, it kind of short-circuits our brain as men, you know. Our goal is to get from A to Z. Z would be the finish line of, you know, completing the act. Trying not to be graphic here because Facebook and so forth, they don't like that. Um, and so, I mean, if you got this fast food thing of pornography, it's basically like I can go from A to Z within minutes, if not seconds, with little to no effort. I don't have to wine and dine and schmooze and, you know, be Mr. Anxious and hit on a woman and, you know, blah blah blah, and I'll take her out on 5 dates. I can just go from here to here Click, click, done. You can see why that's enticing to a lot of people, especially a lot of socially anxious people, of which we have a lot of socially anxious dudes out there. And you don't necessarily have to be a socially anxious dude. You could just be— I don't know, I've heard the common scenario is something happens, such as had a child, or there's an illness or something like that, or just the natural ebbs and flows of the relationship. You went from so many times a day, a week, a month of inter— pardon me— of intercourse between the couple. And then we just got comfortable with each other, and life got in the way, and jobs, and kids. And next thing you know, it becomes once a month. Then maybe a month will go by and nothing, and the wife's just so busy and so anxious and so preoccupied with everything else that she doesn't even think about it. And husband's over there just getting more and more frustrated, so he turns to things like pornography. And, um, that then becomes a habit. Kind of like, you know, trying out a drug. Some people are able to dabble in narcotics and they're like, that's not for me. Other people dabble in narcotics and go, I need a lot more every day of that. I'm officially addicted now. That's how some men are wired. So I think in the case of a lot of women complaining about sexlessness, check your husband's browser history. May have a lot to do with it. And, uh, thing 2 is, uh, A lot of men are woefully out of shape. A lot of men are very sedentary. They don't move their bodies and exercise in a healthy way on a regular daily basis. So they're sedentary, they're eating poorly, they have a high body fat content. They're— as a result, their hormonal makeup's all screwed up. As a result, their testosterone's, you know, unhealthy, at a very low, unhealthy low level. Their estrogen's up. They're anxious, they're moody, they're not wanting to do anything. They're just kind of blah, if not depressed, and their libido's, you know, crashed. And the wife's like, hello? And the man's like, can you just stop bugging me about this? I'm tired. That happens. Um, the most nefarious reason, which, you know, I have found— and this isn't fair, but this is just, um, my personal experience, anecdotal experiences— the women that come to me, uh, will often, as far as reasons that my husband may not want me anymore, It's kind of interesting, a lot of them put at the very end, you know, he's just not attracted to you in that way anymore for reasons. Maybe legitimate reasons in his mind, your mind, maybe pretty shitty reasons of his, such as, I got a new woman, whatever it may be. But it's just, he just flat out doesn't like you in that way anymore. And that's what a lot of men also in that situation have to come to grips with. There's something about you she's not liking, there's something about you he's not liking, whatever it is. Could be a lot of reasons going on here. We got questions coming in. Yay. As I blab on and on, Mr. Bo from Facebook asks, what are some green flags to look for in a relationship? I'm seriously dating for the first time in about 2 years since my divorce was finalized in June. Seriously dating for the first time about 2 years, but your divorce was finalized in June. I casually dated for about a year. So you aren't even divorced yet. I'm not picking on you. I'm just trying to get the facts straight. You weren't divorced yet, but separated. So your relationship was over, right, with the ex. And, uh, but it was just in the legal process of divorcing, and during that time you did date, then you took 6 months off. But what's this seriously dating 2 years thing, Bo? I'm trying to get this straight here. Okay, so you're dating again and you're with a gal and you're like, what are some green flags to look for? Well, you know, really it boils down to like a good person behavior. It's not necessarily like unique to women or men. But, uh, some— how are they with others? There's some real stereotypical things that some men do to quote-unquote test their, you know, a partner candidate. One of those is kind of sit back and watch how she treats people that serve her, such as waiters, waitresses, people in the gas station, you know, whatever, service people or whatever. If they treat them like dirt, treat them as less than, that's a sign that they're kind of an asshole and you want to, you know, not hitch your wagon to them for sure. That's kind of a no-brainer. But I think for a lot of men, we tend to prescribe to women a, um, well, I've talked about in other videos before this thing called the Women Are Wonderful effect. This is, you know, Google it. It's a thing where people tend to prescribe to women, um, we put them on a scale of— on the good person scale, it's like, oh, you're a woman, you start at a 9. You didn't have to earn the points to get from 1 to 10. You got— you, you started at 9 and a little bit, just a little bit more, and you're like godly. And it's in some men's eyes that's very unhealthy, but that's how some men operate. So we tend to kind of overlook a lot of stuff, and then to us it doesn't take much to go, oh, she's an angel, she's Miss Perfect, yay-rah. Not good. Um, but the women are wonderful effect also refers to how, uh, like things in like a legal proceedings and other things like that, women tend to get the benefit of the doubt way more so than what men do. You know, if it's the same kind of crime and they go before a judge, sure enough, if you look at the stats, women pay less fines, have, or do less jail time and so forth than men for the exact same crime, same everything. But hey, they're a woman, you know, they didn't mean it. So as unhealthy as that is, so we kind of carry that into the relationship world and give women a lot of benefit of the doubt. But a lot of it is just basic. Is she a good person? Some men, their green flag is she's not too clingy. For some men, the green flag is she's not too distant. She's right in the middle somewhere. While for some men, because the men are kind of needy themselves, not a lot of self-esteem, it's the fact that this woman worships me. Yay. Well, for some other guys, this woman worships me. What's wrong with her? She's hanging all over me. She's texting me. You know, some guys are like, this woman texts me 5 times in 1 day. And I'm like, that's not that bad, dude. He's like, no. I told her we got a date on Saturday. I don't need to be texted 5 times a day. She's already too much. Gone. Very avoidant type of thing. It's a very typical male thing. So I don't know, Bo, I guess I'm pointing back to you. What are you looking for? What do you want? What do you not want? And just go from there. And then Joe says, yeah, I think green and red flags are different from everyone. It depends on what you tolerate, what you don't. Well, thank you, Joe. You just summarized, you just succinctly summarized everything I just said. I should have looked at that before blabbing away. And Dave says, my question— Dave from Facebook says, my question is, how do I let go of every cell in my body is telling me to fight for my marriage? My wife told me that my actions over time have caused her to see me as another child in the house, and that killed the attraction. Ouch. I want to rebuild the marriage, and she believes she won't be able to love me again. Well, my friend, you know, when somebody basically dumps you like this, I don't think I'm gonna be able to love you again. I think we're done. Um, my knee-jerk cynical side is— side says, and I don't mean to pile on on what's already probably a very anxious time in your life, but Dave, this would be— this is a deciding factor for many men. Are you certain, Dave, that there is not another individual in the picture somehow? In other words, wife has formed a relationship unbeknownst to you with somebody else. That often, not always, but it often precipitates a lot of these, um, from the women in our life. Um, I think we're done here, especially if there are kids involved, a family involved. I'm looking at your small little profile picture. Am I counting 3 little ones? Now, that picture could have been taken 10, 20 years ago, so I don't know. Um, For a woman to drop that, uh, it's a big freaking deal, dude. In fact, the number one tool that a lot of therapists like my pal Dr. Psych Mom, Dr. Samantha Rodman-White, and follow her, Dr. Psych Mom, a tool that she uses for your, your avoidant type of woman that's very preoccupied with the, uh, health and well-being of the children to an unhealthy degree and totally ignores husband. And husband says, let's go to counseling, let's do this, let's do that. And she's like, no, no, no, leave me alone, leave me alone. I, I don't want to date. I don't want to do any of that. Often the husband will say— this is the key to getting them to reconnect, or start that process rather— is, wife, you're about to destroy your family. Do you want your kids to see you grow up in a broken family? Do you want your kids to see this is how mom and dad resolve issues? We just divorce because that's the only way this could go. And sometimes that wakes Oh shit, this is real. I'm about to lose my family, my kids. Oh my God. And that gets the ball rolling. So with all of that, there's something going on here, something more. And aha, Dave follows it up with, my mother-in-law is also dying. I'm sorry to hear that. And she is in an emotional mess right now. She being— and so she is an emotional mess right now, she being your wife, right? And you got 3 kiddos. So let's let's tally it up here. Um, 3 kiddos. Does your wife work? She a stay-at-home mother to 3 little ones, a 6-year-old, a 4-year-old, and a 2-year-old. Does she have help? Um, she's overwhelmed. I'm not making excuses here, I'm just trying to understand the bigger picture here. So we have an overwhelmed, stressed-out mother of 3 little Bitty kiddos, plus mom's dying. Not good. I would assume that she was close to mom. Her mom have a positive relationship, Dave? Maybe you can fill in some blanks here. She's a stay-at-home mother of 3 little kids. One of them is school age, 6-year-old. It's a 4-year-old in preschool. That don't really matter. There's a lot of driving around. Now you have a 2-year-old, you have a toddler in tow. I, I've been through all these stages with kids. I got 4 of them, so I know how stressful they are. Some people are not wired to handle that. Um, and some are better than others. Everyone gets stressed out in some way. Uh, what I have seen for a lot of these, uh, marriage falling apart— pardon me as I hit my microphone, hope that didn't come across loud. Um, sudden marriage falling apart, wife says, I think I'm done here, is usually precipitated by some what I call like a holy poop moment, which is like loss of a parent, loss of a job, illness, things like that. You got 3 little kids, boom, boom, boom. You got the mother passing away, and then she comes to you saying, and by the way, dude, your behavior, it's not been the best. So, Mr. Dave, does she have a point? You're obviously not the sole reason this is all going on. Don't, you know, throw yourself under the bus, you know, woe is me, I'm, you know, I'm to blame for all of this. No, but she may very well have a very real point here, legitimate point about you are contributing to the mess that's going on in her head, basically. Does she have a point? Um, are you in fact another child in the home? You say in message here, I support her while she is the main caregiver to her mom. So what a stressful time. She is up to here with stress. Um, you say you— then he follows up with, uh, I have a part to play and I have taken steps to correct. Well, and there's this thing of, um, again, trying to fill in a lot of blanks here, making a lot of assumptions. It could be way off here, but, uh, for a lot of people, men and women alike, dare I say maybe our women are a little bit better at this, which is that thing you did. Sometimes it's like a single solitary thing. You cheated on me 30 years ago. You better believe for the next 30, 20, 50, whatever years you guys are together, if you're together, it'll come up somehow. You guys get in a fight, the little thing you had with her secretary 30 years ago, that'll come up. And maybe it should. All the way to a very common example I will give, and our pal, I'll mention her again, Dr. Sykman, calls these her empathic ruptures, or the time you were kind of a shithead and your spouse doesn't forget about it. One common one is you're in the delivery room wife has a baby, she's overcome with these feelings of extreme exhaustion, pain, but the euphoria of having a child, the stress of, oh my God, now I have this little one to take care of, what do I do? And baby's on her breast and she's just filled with all these conflicting and, you know, rolling emotions in her head and her body and her soul. And here's husband going, I'm gonna take off and go get me something to eat and go home and take a nap, mow the yard, you need anything while I'm out? And she's just like, You're supposed to be here with me during the most momentous time of my life and you're going to take off to go mow the yard and take a nap? What the hell? If that sounds ridiculous, that happens. I'm sure we may have some women in the comments come on here and say, oh yeah, that was my husband. We hear that every now and then. You better believe that will color the relationship from that moment forward. They're not going to forget about it. So it sounds like, um, David, maybe you have like multiple little minor league oopsies along the way. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. They're not up here on the scale of 1 to 10, they're like a 1, but you stack up enough little, you know, level 1 moments over the years, they add up. And that combined with 3 little kiddos, stay home, stressed out, blah, blah, blah, and mom dying, and kaboom, the bomb just went off. And you're left going, I want to put this bomb back together. You might not be able to, dude. What I have seen which really puts the final nail in the coffin is somebody else in the picture kind of thing. I hate to jump to that conclusion. That's not a conclusion of mine. I'm just trying to eliminate that as a possibility because believe it or not, I hear these stories and I go, dude, is there any inclination, anything at all that makes you think that? And I'm telling you, maybe half the time the guys will go, yeah, there was this guy. Yeah, she disappears for 3 or 4 hours at a time on Friday and she never— she hides her phone. I'm like, and the guy's kind of in denial or he just puts up blinders. He doesn't want to see it. But yeah, and that's usually a big driver. So I have to get that out of the way. But more often than not, that is not the case, if that helps you feel better about all this. Um, so you went to counseling, uh, coaching for the marriage. So is she, David, full-blown into this idea of saving the relationship? Is she like, um, yes, let's do this, let's fix this, but then she's always kind of throwing in these little, I don't know if we can, I don't know if we can solve, fix this or not, dude, but she's willing, but she's going through the actions of potentially quote unquote fixing this, well then, you know, gotta let it go in one ear, out the other. Be like, I know, I know how you feel, it's legitimate, I don't blame you. You're overwhelmed, mom's dying, I've been a shithead, whatever. Let's see if we can go talk to somebody about this. No, she has not committed. So are you going by yourself then? You've signed up all these counseling and coaching and then what? She's just like, go have fun? I'm missing— sorry, but uncomfortable pause here, but I'm looking at stuff that I'm missing here. But then Jason follows up to a previous point saying, but is using parental guilt going to be a positive tactic to recover the message— marriage? Excuse me, let me start over. Jason asks, is using parental guilt going to be a positive tactic to recover the marriage in the long run? This is in reference to earlier I said that a lot of therapists and stuff will will— marriage therapists and counselors will report that it wasn't until it was basically shoved in one of the parents' face, hey, you're about to lose your family, you are about to cause a broken home, your kids are sitting back and watching how moms and dads resolve conflict, is this what you want them to learn and apply to future relationships? And that is enough for some for them to say, oh crap, I better— I'm going to stand at attention now. What is it you want to do? You want to go to a counselor? Where— when do you want to go? Next Wednesday? Cool, I'll clear my calendar. Your point, Jason, is, is a good one, and it's one I hear often in some form, which is— I'm trying to see how best to frame this. Other ways in which we see this similar scenario: you go to the counselor. I've talked about this in many videos, so I apologize for repeating myself. Counselor says, you two need to hug more, you need to hold hands more. Husband, you need to be more loving, put your arm around wife, hold hands with her, or vice versa. And then husband does it, or wife does, starts doing these things, and it feels very mechanical. It doesn't feel natural. And the other partner looks at them and says, can you at least pretend to like this? Come on. And any therapist will say, that's not fair. It's— you're gonna have to be patient. It's gonna take like 1,000 iterations of this before it starts feeling natural, if it does become natural. And some people go, well, if you're at that point, it's dead, dude. Well, maybe, maybe it will be, but if you want to give it a shot, you want to quote work on this, that's the kind of uncomfortable stuff you got to do for some people. Um, with that being said, would I be patient with such an arrangement? I gotta be honest with you, probably not. I, I guess that's a testimony to my natural impatience as a dude. I don't know if that's good or bad, but that's just me. The other thing is my, I guess, my inherent feeling of, for lack of a better term, abundance in a relationship. In essence, if this one really doesn't want to be with me, and this, it's such a struggle for her to want to be with me and do things such as hold hands and put arm around each other and talk and go on dates, if that's like, if I see that she's just like, I'd rather be anywhere else in the world, then we're done. That's cool. You know, shake hands and go our separate ways. But if your end goal is, no, no, no, I'm not going to give up that soon, then you got to get through those uncomfortable moments. You got to push. You got to be— so going back to your question then, using the parental guilt, that may be a, you know, way to put the brakes on, but is it long-term positive tactic? It's kind of an ultimatum, and ultimatums work, you know, they kind of wake you up. So basically we're, we're waking up, short-circuiting the system, saying, oh shit, with the hopes that that will in turn build momentum to do some really positive things down the line. What are the chances of that happening? Eh, depends on the situation. For a lot of guys I talk to, not good. And some dudes surprise me and it works. And they're, you know, they're a hot and heavy couple for years after the fact. They just, they need something to wake them up. So I guess long-winded way of saying, eh, depends. Hmm, okay. Mr. Marcus says, I got anxious and triggered when you interviewed Dr. Orion. He's referring to Dr. Orion Taraban. Uh, he has a popular YouTube channel called Psych Hacks. Uh, he actually was just— he's gonna go into the next level of popularity. He just did a, like, a third video with, uh, Soft White Underbelly. Are you guys familiar with that? And he did it with— shit, I don't have it in front of me. Me, uh, or do I? No, I sure don't. Um, the, the guy that went viral, uh, the divorce attorney— pardon me while I find it here, guys. Sorry, sorry, very unprofessional. Here we go. James Sexton, uh, is the very popular, went viral divorce attorney. He did Soft White Underbelly, got like bazillions of views, and then he's done a bunch of other podcasts. And he's very well-spoken, very animated, very charming guy. Um, And he and Orion have now done a joint interview on a very big viral podcast called Soft White Underbelly. I think it's gonna send Orion to the stratosphere of popularity here in our world. But anyway, he and I did a talk for the Help for Men podcast. Check it out, Help for Men on YouTube, Help for Men podcast, wherever you listen to podcasts, please subscribe. And Marcus is saying here that you feel that he has a very dismal view of humanity when it comes to dating. Particularly men. Do you believe that we can still learn a lot from him? Dude, we can learn a lot from everybody. I mean, I feel safe with you and your channel. I don't know about Dr. O'Reilly. Please enlighten. Well, buddy, um, I get where you're coming from with this, but, uh, this is something that I get on a lot of guys in our group about. Um, it's not exactly the same scenario, but similar. And that is we have an open forum in our discussion group. Men talk about all kinds of different things. And you'll have a guy that's like, I'm dating this gal. I just saw this red flag. I'm curious what you guys think. And, you know, first few replies will be like, tell us more, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. What did you do? Oh, I had a gal that did this and it meant nothing, yada yada. And then other guy would be like, it's kind of concerning for me. I don't know, dude, I would start investigating and look further into this and this. And then invariably here comes a guy going, dump that loser of a woman. She's just an evil succubus. You're better off without her, right? Well, guess what? All of those opinions are valid. That's their perspective, and they all have some kind of value. But it can be argued that that last dude is kind of like, "Guh, that's pretty negative, dude." Well, that's my perspective and the perspective of a lot. And then sometimes men message me directly and say, "I don't like that guy. He's mean. He's overly negative." And I go, "Well, then ignore him." You know, ignore. You can do that on the forum thingy. Block, ignore, whatever. I don't wanna see shit from this guy anymore. And ah, he's magically gone. Or continue to look at it and just go, I can see where he's coming from. This guy was cheated on 9 times or whatever it may be. Got half his wealth taken away in divorce and he's still angry. He's working through some shit, that's fine. At the same time, there are people like Dr. Orion, And even our pal again, wow, she's— I mentioned her a lot here, uh, Dr. Samantha Rodman-Whitton. She comes across my feed all the time. We collaborate on stuff. We just did a podcast interview together. It's probably why I mentioned her a lot. But her and Orion have something in common, which is they have kind of a, um, for lack of a better term, cold, technical, uber rational, realistic view of relationships. Like Samantha gets a lot of heat from some men because she just kind of pooh-poohs the whole thing of, yeah, in marriage, your wife's not gonna want you nearly as much as what you want. She's not gonna want sex. She'll forget about it. It's just the way women are, especially after having kids. Oh well. And men are like, excuse me? This is like a major holy shit thing. I never knew this as a guy growing up. I was just, you know, some men erroneously think that the honeymoon stage of their relationship will last through the next 20, 30, 40, 50, whatever years. And he thinks he's gonna be a 50, 60, 70-year-old Man just in a very happy, active sex life with his wife. And then wife becomes 43 years of age, perimenopause sets in, yada yada. And there's people like Dr. Psych Mom saying, I don't know what to tell you, dude. Go get some on the side, divorce a woman, whatever, or live with it. And some people are like, that's very, I, very antithetical, very much against this very romantic view of relationships, the softer view of relationships. Orion's kind of some version of that where it's this very pragmatic, rational, almost kind of, um, spectrumy. I don't mean that as an insult. I mean, uh, by, by that I mean autism spectrum, kind of devoid of the— oh, what's the word I'm looking for— kind of, uh, what may— what some may term as kind of a silly emotion or unneeded empathy or whatever. They just look at it very structured, like, nah dude, cut the BS, these are the facts. That's kind of the energy that Orion gives, and it really rubs some people the wrong way. He knows that, but that's kind of him. That's his brand. That's who he is. He's a, he's a, um psychologist. He studies this stuff, and he looks at it from a very technical, poppin', you know, poppin' the hood, looking under the hood, looking at the engine kind of thing. And sometimes that comes across as like, you need to soften your approach a little bit, Orion. But no, that's who he is, and it works well for him. And if that doesn't work for you, and you're like, that kind of rubs me the wrong way, it makes me feel kind of ick, yeah, don't watch him. What can I tell you? But I'm not going to throw the baby out with the bathwater, I guess, is the phrase I'm looking for. If Orion and I are talking and he gives me 12 points and I disagree with 10 of them, there's still 2 little things I learned from. I guess I'm of the opinion of I can easily go, eh, let me scrape the other 10 and learn from these 2 little nuggets, and now I've learned something. On I go. What I don't do is go, I disagree with the 10, that makes him an evil, vile creature, get away from me. Eh, I've you know, I don't want anything to do with them anymore. It's— if you have that stance, you ain't gonna learn much from the world, period. There's gonna be people that are gonna— everybody's gonna say something. I'm gonna say something, uh, Marcus, that's probably gonna piss you off or make you go, wait, what? Um, you're probably— you're saying like most of the time you probably agree with somebody. Say some things you're not going to agree with. I hope you still stick around for the, the rest, right? Um, Mr. JP from Facebook says, separated for 6 months, what are your thoughts about just taking a new female acquaintance to your regularly weekly fun time? In my case, karaoke at a local bar, mostly because I have no friends to go with. Um, I don't know if this is a big fat coincidence or if you sent me a Dear DSO thing, but this exact question was, uh, uh, proposed or sent in to me via the Dear DSO form on the website, on the Dad Starting Over site. For those that don't know, we have a dadstartingover.com/dear-dso. Fill out a little form, and if you submit your story or question, it's a good one, I make like a video out of it. And I just made one here recently. It's scheduled to go out on YouTube and Facebook and everywhere. A guy asked this exact same thing, like, I'm doing karaoke, what if I bring this gal with me? So I could say, hey, wait, wait till the video and you'll see my answer. But basically, you know yourself better than anyone, JP. Some guys are like, as soon as I get a taste— that's the wrong word, kind of sounds crude, you know what I mean? I'm with a gal, making eye contact, yada yada, she's pretty. Some guys are like, I'm done, I'm handing over my wallet, I'm, I'm moving in with the gal, I'm already throwing out the I love yous, yada yada, I need to— I'm not ready for that relationship stuff yet, timeout. Well, other guys are like, yeah, I can hang out with a gal and it means nothing, no biggie. Where are you on that spectrum? You know yourself better than anybody, buddy. I'm not going to tell you what's good or bad. Um, but oh, but here's a— your last sentence: mostly because I got no friends to go with. Well, can we remedy that, JP? Any, um, any way we can go out and make some more buddies? A lot of people out there looking for friends. I know it's not that easy, right? But if you have the time and the resources, get out there. Karaoke night, sure, go by yourself or whatever, but other goofballs around you singing poorly into a microphone, you know, there's some good friends you can make. All kinds of things you can go out and do. Hmm. Hmm. Oh, okay. So Bo is following up to his previous question. Bo from Facebook. He says, in talking about what are green flags in a relationship, red flags, what to look out for, what is a good positive thing, he says, yeah, I don't want to jump at every little thing. But I know now that there were red flags that I ignored in my first marriage. Okay, I know everybody has their stuff, so to get the ick at every little thing is nonsensical, right? But I don't want to indulge something that will be fatal in the long run. Well, Bo, maybe you're missing the bigger picture here, which is how long you been with this gal? How long you been dating? Um, there are red flags that make you say see ya, I'm out of here. Maybe like drug use or who knows what, some kind of crazy behaviors, I don't know. But she likes a certain thing I don't like. She's like, da da da da da. To frame it in a way of, oof, I don't know, I don't know if I want to continue hanging out with her. Why? Be honest, Beau. Do you see her as like this future potential wife or long-term partner candidate? And so you are measuring everything against that. That's not necessarily bad, but maybe that's a frame for the relationship that is unfair, that's not realistic right now. If you're relatively fresh out of a previous relationship, maybe to frame other— these, these relationships that you're having now, maybe to frame them as anything other than kind of casual, getting to know people, having fun Maybe that's not fair to her, to you, whatever. Maybe you're not quite ready for that, um, to sit down, you know, with a person to just start studying every little minute thing they do and put that up against this frame of potential wife candidate, partner candidate. This may be bad for that, um, you know, more often than not, it's kind of women that do that with their partners. Um, when I just say she needs to be one of several people that you're getting to know You know, you'll go on a date or two with this gal. You go out to coffee with this gal. You're only chatting via text with this other gal and setting up something for next month. And I don't know, but you need to have that going on. Just getting to know people, getting to know yourself better, what you like and don't like and so forth. You get to that point of abundance, a term that people often use. These little things of, you know, she likes the Boston Red Sox and I like the Yankees. That's not that big of a deal. Yeah, people like different things. That's not necessarily a red flag. I know that's not what you're talking about. Maybe if you gave us examples, Beau, of what you consider kind of a good thing or not so good thing with this gal. And then maybe the forum here can tell you like, oh, Bo, run for the hills, or, eh, don't worry about that, dude. Um, hmm. And then Dave, as a follow-up to previous messages, says his problem is exactly like what I said. Your kids are the most important thing for you, most important thing for you to salvage your marriage. Um, Dave, we could go on and on about this. And I'm not trying to cut you off or whatever, but usually these issues are pretty complex, pretty deep, and they usually take like an hour of talking back and forth. I happen to have a service just for that. You can speak to me one-on-one if you wish. I'm going to put a link here, but keep in mind there is an alternative option for a cheaper way of talking to me. Excuse me while I type here, folks. I can't read my writing. I hope this comes out good. Oh shit, I think I messed that one up. Yes, I did. Uh, let me try that again because I don't know how to delete that. I'm doing it on my one system. help4men.com/coaching/ralph-brewer. There we go. Uh, there's the proper link. That'll get you to my, uh, coaching bio where you can purchase and then select a time for you and I to chat one-on-one about this. Because this, again, this is a pretty complex thing. Why is this so complex? You got two people each with your own baggage and shit going on. Um, that makes things extra complicated. If it was just you, it's complicated enough. Now we're throwing on top of that a woman, and a woman who seems to be on her last legs and she's done. Hey, well, and 3 kids, 3 little kids. Oof, that's tough, buddy. Um, let's chat. But the cheaper option for what I just gave you there is to join our group, our membership group, and then this coaching, way cheaper. You'll see the difference in the pricing right on the, on the page I sent you there. It'll show you like, if you're a member, this is your cost. And roughly half the cost. And, um, but with that membership also comes the discussion forums I talked about, live meetings I talked about, books, all kinds of cool stuff. So check it out. It ends up actually being cheaper to join for a couple months with the group and then sign the coaching than it is to just buy the coaching off the page. So why not join? If you don't like it, you cancel. I'm not going to keep taking your money. Anywho, but JP says, yeah, that was me. Well, JP, uh, hang tight, buddy, because you've got a video coming your way. Thank you. I'm going to scroll back up here because there's stuff I missed. Taro is asking me, uh, am I a guitarist? No, they're just decoration. Yes, I'm a guitar— what's a guitarist? I'm a guy who, who noodles around with guitar. I have a— can you see it behind me? See that thing? Looks like a boombox back there. That's called a Kemper Profiler. It's a fancy German computer thingy that allows you to mimic a lot of different amplifiers and effects and things. Um, and then I got a couple speakers back there and a couple of cheap guitars. They look nice, but those are pretty cheap guitars back there, relatively speaking. And, uh, yeah, just noodle every now and then at my desk here and have fun with it. I'm not in a band, I don't play out or anything like that. Um, Adam says that some guys are one red flag and it's a no-go. Usually those guys are permanently single and they think there's no good, good girls in the world. Yeah, and a lot of those guys were really hurt by women. Like, the guys chatting here, like, they're gun-shy, you know. I was really, really hurt. And, uh, I'm— because in, in the past they overlooked everything. They just— the woman could be like, you know, murdering people in front of him, and he's like, yeah, that's fine. And then he gets really, really hurt by these women, cheated, got half his money taken. And then he's with these new gals dating, and the gals like sneezes in the wrong way, and he's like, I'm out. You're right. Um, and, um, well, you posted the same thing twice here. Um, but, uh, yeah, there's a, there's, there's a happy gray area there somewhere, you know. If now I had a gal, for example, um, this was years ago before, uh, obviously before marrying my now wife, before dating her even. Um, beautiful gal, super smart from South Africa. Um, we really hit it off, everything was great. And then in our one and only date, she takes out a cigarette and I was just like, oh fuck, that's— that was a deal breaker for me. I don't know, it's gross, I don't like that. I grew up with that, my dad was a smoker and he died at a young age. It's like, it's nasty, it's gross, it's unhealthy, I don't want to be around that stuff. So I go, oh, you smoke? She didn't take it well. I remember she's like, yeah, I suppose you got a problem with that, or whatever. I'm like Eh, not a huge fan. And then we just kind of, you know, fizzled out. Didn't see each other anymore after that. Sorry, I got a call coming in. That was for me. You know, maybe some of you will hear that and go, dude, she sounded awesome. What are you doing? Well, that was my thing. That's fine. That's my thing. Hmm. All right. Joel from Facebook asks, what is the tipping point between expecting verbal reciprocation of feelings and desire for touch? And the point where it becomes anxious attachment. I feel that there is a healthy amount of desire for these things before it becomes anxious. Yeah, looking for clarity. Um, you are doing a very dude thing, my man, if you don't know this. Um, men are so technical. Uh, how many times per month until it is technically a dead bedroom? Um, how, how much exactly, um, desire— like, how do we quantify the desire? Trying to break down your question into, you know, ones and zeros here. How much of that is a healthy amount of desire, and when does it go from here to anxious? There's no way really to kind of define that other than when it becomes unhealthy and to the detriment of the relationship. And what further complicates or colors the situation is if the person you are with, are they secure, like in the middle, or are they way over here typically with Mr. Anxious? To Miss Avoidant, you know, what Miss Secure would see as, oh, that's sweet, that's nice, give me a hug and pat on the butt and a smooch. Miss Avoidant's like, oh God, please, it's constant with you, always touching and always wanting, ugh, stop, just give me space, don't touch me, I'm all touched out, yuck. In that case, it's one of those you need to be a fly on the wall situation. I often tell that to men, I wish I was right there with you, dude, and then I could watch you and go, Joel, right there, buddy, that's a little much. She told you to back off. She's not being mean or anything. She's just really tired. It's not a slight against you. Give her some space, dude. While I may say, no, there was nothing wrong with what you did there. She's the one. She's got problems, dude. Or somewhere in between. It's really all a case. It sounds like a cop-out, but it really is kind of a case-by-case kind of thing. I hate to say that, but there's no defining point here. You know, you have anxious attachment is not like something you will see, I think, in the DSM manual that you have to, you know, check these 5 boxes and aha, you officially have an anxious attachment. It's just kind of a nebulous kind of subjective thing of a series of characteristics, and you kind of sort of, you know, scale from 1 to 10, you're kind of a 6 on the anxious attachment scale, and, you know, to like quantify it like most men do. And well, some people are 10 out of 10, and some people are like, you know, no, they're they're almost avoidant in their lack of anxiety about preoccupation with the health of the relationship. Um, I guess where it may tiptoe into unhealthy is if basically an outside observer watching you— again, the old fly on the wall thing— watches you and says you're being rejected repeatedly, it's time to stop pursuing and time to stop attaching and hanging on. And if you don't see that then you're going into the whole codependent world and you're going into some really unhealthy relationship stuff and you kind of need to reassess your attachment to this partner and is it healthy or not. Um, okay, and Beau is further, uh, fleshing out, as I often say, his relationship with this new gal. He says that matched about 2 months ago All right, so it's still new, new. You've gone out about 6 times in the past 5, 6 weeks, so roughly about once a week. So that's a healthy amount, right? But that's enough, you know this, where you start going, where are we going with this? In fact, a lot of women with, more often than not women than the men in this scenario, look at the guy and go, what are we exactly? You know, should I tell all these other men that keep messaging me to buzz off, or should I, you know, but so maybe you're at that stage. You say it's still the early stages but escalating quickly. What does that mean exactly? There's something markedly different this time with this woman since I went on 30 dates with 20 women during 2023. Bo, geez. Maybe that's it. There are no glaring issues so far. Yeah, maybe you should just ride the wave and enjoy this. She likes to travel a lot, but that's not an issue in and of itself. Maybe it's just that the first woman since separation and divorce seems to be going anywhere. Don't overthink it. Just enjoy your time with this woman knowing that maybe something down the line will make you go, ah, damn it, woman Sally, whatever her name is. That's my standard fake woman name. Sally, you had to go and do that thing. That's my line in the sand, do not cross, and you did it. Now I got the uncomfortable dumping responsibility on my shoulder, and nobody likes to do that, dude. You may have to go there. I think that's the source of a lot of anxiety for people, is not only will this person hurt me— that's what a lot of previously hurt men go to— but I think a lot of it, if we really kind of dig into it and dissect this a little bit further, a lot of the anxiety centers around if this doesn't work, I may be in the very uncomfortable position of say and see you later. And that fills me with a lot more anxiety because I don't want to be the bad guy. I don't want to break somebody's heart. I don't want all that drama and all that. Just thinking about that makes my heart race and it makes me sweat. So, you know, if you're going to get into this relationship world, it's, it's going to get nasty sometimes. Going to get— you're going to get dirty, roll around the mud. Such is life, you know. It's not all sunshine and rainbows. Uh, anything else? Ladies and germs, it's already been an hour almost. Wow, went by fast. Like most men, I do like to hear myself talk. Um, yes, things still going well. Adam is asking, why do almost all caps all girls claim that their hobbies consist of hiking, outdoors, and traveling the world? But they do none of that. I, I don't know. I've not seen that, be quite honest with you, Adam. I think what you're saying is the girls that you have seen in your part of the world or whatever in online dating all say the same thing. I don't know if it's a cultural thing or whatever. Social pressure of fitting in. That's more so for women than it is men. It's what my social circle thinks of me. I don't want to be shunned. I don't want to be an outcast. I don't want to be looked at as some kind of weirdo, less than. We all know this for, um, uh, the women that become mothers to our children. It's very much what her social circle— that can expand to a pretty big circle— what that social circle thinks of me as a mother is very, very important. And they will stress themselves the hell out over, everybody's gonna think I'm a bad mom if I don't do this. So they just keep piling on, adding to the plate. Why? I don't want people to think I'm bad. And the men in her life, us, are like, what are you doing? Why are you driving yourself nuts? Stop. Um, with that being said, maybe, you know, that, that carries over into this of everyone else around me seems like hiking and outdoors and traveling. What kind of boring-ass date candidate would I be if I didn't say this? So that all sounds fun. I went to it once 3 years ago. I went hiking with somebody. I liked it. We'll put that down. I like hiking. Um, hey, man, we do the same thing. We're all just trying. We're putting on our best please pick me suit when it comes to this dating stuff. So why would they be less than completely honest about that? Welcome to human nature. You know, women love to shave years off of the, off of their age and post the picture that makes their face look thinner than what it normally does, if not completely using filters to change the way she looks, while men add a couple few inches to their height. And stand in front of the nice car that they don't own. We all do that, right? Hmm. JP says, because there are limited interests they get to choose from and most don't know themselves, so they just pick the most obvious ones, right? Could be. Maybe there's some boring gals out there. I happen to be married to a very interesting person, and I tend to like very interesting, smart people, women alike. So that world of shallow, has no interest, has no hobbies or anything, I don't get it. I don't understand it. I don't see the appeal of it. And maybe that's what these gals are saying. Like, they realize themselves, like, yes, I'm not a very interesting person. Let me make some shit up. I don't know. I'm sure that's part of it. All right, folks, it's been about an hour. And, well, thank you, Adam. Thank you all so very much for awesome questions, for joining me today. Good crowd today. Thank you for all the likes. If you could give me more likes and share this wherever it is that you are watching this. For you guys watching this on YouTube, happen to be— happen upon this Facebook, wherever. Give me a follow or a subscribe or however it works wherever you're watching this, and share it so other people can see it. That's how we grow this thing. And if you're watching me on YouTube, I have a handful of videos that get a lot of views and a whole bunch that don't. So let's share the love. You got a video that you like, you're watching some of my videos, just click the old like on them. Like, unlike, hit the bell thingy on YouTube so you can be alerted to when I post new stuff, which I do every single day on YouTube, multiple times a day throughout Facebook. Check me out, Dad Starting Over and Help for Men, helpformen.com. The Help for Men channel on YouTube will be reserved for interesting interviews with interesting, important people like Orion Taraban that was mentioned earlier. That was my first interview on there. That's a big one. He's getting pretty huge. So, uh, we'll see if we can keep adding to the list of names. I'm gonna reach out to Mr. Sexton, the attorney. Um, oh, Gilberto. He, Gilberto, Gilberto, Señor Martinez, or Martinez as they say in Spain. That's where my mother's from. Gilberto Martinez, uh, when do you typically stream? Oh buddy, I covered that at the beginning. It's all over the place. I'd love to say Tuesdays this time, but 4 kiddos, a lot of traveling. It's whenever my schedule allows. This just happened to work perfectly. I don't have any coaching sessions. For the rest of the day today. Uh, no meetings, no nothing. So pretty clear I'm going to, you know, pick up kiddos, go to the gym. This fit in perfectly with that. So I hate to, hate to say, uh, I don't know, just stay tuned. But stay tuned, follow me on Facebook, YouTube, on Twitter, X, and you'll be alerted to when we're going to do these. All right everyone, thank you all so very much. I appreciate you all a great deal, and I will, uh, catch you on the next one. Hope you have a wonderful rest of your Tuesday. A toodaloo!