Chat LIVE with Ralph (DSO) and Marques Ogden!

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All right, here we are. I told you it was good. Everyone has the same reaction, like, what the hell, dude? I know, I love it. It's stupid, but I made that in 10 seconds. AI. AI is awesome, isn't it? Are you using it much in your world, Mr. Ralph Brewer?

Absolutely are. Yes. Automation, outreach, creating different things, music, you know, follow-up. Like I tell my clients, it's all about getting getting rid of the small mundane tasks. So that's why we actually said hi for our first speaking job directly all about AI by our client PIA, Professional Insurance Agents of the DC, Virginia, North Carolina chapter.

Very cool. Very cool. And you got a jersey behind you, which seems to indicate— Marcus, did you play football?

I might have played once or twice.

Once or twice, a little bit in past life. Well, let's, let's introduce yourself to all these folks that are like, who is this handsome fella with Ralph Brewer? Marcus, tell us all about yourself.

My name is Marcus Ogden. I am from Washington, D.C. I now live in Fuquay-Varina, North Carolina, about half hour outside of Raleigh, North Carolina. I am a father of two amazing daughters, Ava, 21, Farrah, 11. I am a national, international keynote speaker. Business coach, corporate consultant, brand ambassador, podcast host. That's how I met Ralph Brewer, who's an awesome, awesome interview. And I'm a former, of course, NFL athlete.

Very cool. Now don't sell yourself short. You got a really cool story as far as, I guess you could say, rising from the ashes there, don't you? You want to talk about that?

Yeah, so I got drafted to the National Football League by the Jacksonville Jaguars. My rookie head coach was Jack Del Rio, who was an amazing head coach. I had a great career, almost 6 the National Football League, enjoyed it, loved my time, worked hard, met some great people, lots of guys, camaraderie, the locker room. And I tell you all the time, that's what I feel, Ralph Brewer. Most guys miss the money, one thing, sure, but they miss the brotherhood, they miss the camaraderie, they miss the locker room. That's what I feel most guys truly, truly miss. And so what happened for me after I retired I had a deep time of like darkness, deep time of isolation, feeling like a fake, a phony, like what am I going to do with my life? I have been playing football since I was in the 9th grade. Now here I am, 28 years old, and now I have— that's 14— basically it was half my life at that time, right? I started playing football at 14, I retired at 28. So right at that halfway point, I'm like, man, I've been playing football for just about half my life. What's next. And I ended up struggling immensely with addiction, with nightlife, with women, with all these things. And I finally got my act together and I started Caden Premier Enterprises. Caden Premier Enterprises was launched as a small concrete contractor. We ended up growing to the largest African-American-owned subcontracting company in the city of Baltimore, in the state of Maryland, Ralph Brewer, for 2 years. We were national. We did a lot of things locally, you know, statewide, even nationally. But unfortunately, Ralph Brewer, as the company grew, my ego got so massive, it got so out of control that I just started to believe I was everything great. Nothing bad. I was everything awesome, nothing, you know, could hurt me. And I just got this real, real negative sense of how to treat people and all this stuff. So I ended up literally losing everything that I owned in 2013, everything. And I had to move from Baltimore, Maryland to Raleigh, North Carolina. When I moved here, I only had $400 left to my name.

That's it.

That's all I had left. And I ended up having to start over from rock bottom. I was fired from two jobs in the same week— financial planning— and I was fired from a construction company. I had both cars repossessed in the same day. Not same month, not same week, same day. And yeah, and I tell you, when I got down here, Ralph Brewer, I was $1,550 short of next month's rent.

Hmm.

$1,550 short. So I was literally just a true hot mess in every sense of the word. So I ended up going to work as a custodian in downtown Raleigh for $8.25 an hour on the graveyard shift. One of my clients had a business working, uh, she cleaned office buildings, mixed-use, mainly like, you know, office buildings and stuff like that, you know, like the, like the restaurant-based stuff like that, mixed-use buildings. So she needed help on the night shift, and I said, hey, how much are you paying? She said, I'm paying $8 an hour. I said, when can they start? They can start next week. I said, please hire me and pay you $8.25 an hour. I said, I'll take it. So that was me getting humbled to a degree. But I still, Ralph, did not truly, truly get to that point of like, wow, I gotta change, until I had my rock bottom moment where somebody's trash, rotten meat, nasty, protruding, horrible smelling garbage got all over me. And that happened. I said, whoa, this is my reality.

Whoa.

Because you can't really see, but behind me on this side, first book, Sleepless Nights. And I tell everybody, I had so many sleepless nights between April 2013 and probably till about like September 2013, I was probably averaging about 2 to 2.5 hours of sleep per night because I was just so stressed, I was so anxious, I was so— how am I going to pay this bankruptcy? Like, Ralph Brewer, it cost me $3,300 to pay for my bankruptcy. It took me almost 7 months to pay it off. That was— I would do bucks here, I go pay it. Trying to keep up money for the food or rent, gas. I mean, it was just— I was piecemealing it like that. We had no money. We had nothing. And so I ended up finally hitting rock bottom with that spoiled milk moment. And I looked at myself and said, wow, if I don't change, I'm going to be right here for the rest of my life. And that is when I said, enough with this BS. Enough with this pointing of the finger, start pointing the thumb. And once I did that, Ralph Brewer, that's when things started to change for the better. It took some time, and I started to speak because I felt, well, I want to help people not become the version of myself that put myself here. So I started speaking September 2013, got my first paid job in April of 2016. 30 months later, 30 months later, finally got that. 2017, got my next paid job at the Buffalo Bills football team, NFL football team. And then 2018, came back to the Bills again. I met Mel Robbins. I got coached by her, went to a program at Penn State, learned the business about how to become a speaker, how to take your message and transcend it. And then the door started opening. So the last— now, was that 2, 8, almost 8 years? We've worked for over 85 Fortune 500 clients.

That's awesome.

5-time bestselling author, twice by ourselves, 3 times as a co-author. Our podcast gets about $300,000 to $400,000 per month. We are on podcast shows like this. We are putting our message out there. And in the day, Ralph Brewer Brewer Brewer, all I care about is helping people to push through obstacles. It's all I care about.

I love it. That's awesome. Good for you, man. I get chills listening to your story. It's— it's— we talked about this on your podcast before, how similar your story and the story of a lot of professional athletes who did the old roller coaster ride, how similar that is to guys that went through the military. That they go to war, they go overseas, they have to kill a bunch of people, watch all their, their friends and everyone around them get destroyed and hurt, and then they're thrown back into normal society and they're like, you know, good luck, have at it. And they're just like, I, I don't know what to do. And that's their rock bottom moment of I don't know who I am, what my identity is, and everything else.

It's just so very similar to you guys with the past, um, very much so, because we are trying to figure out what to do now that football is gone. You can't just walk around punching people in the face, hitting people in the mouth, trying to drive and pancake people, tackle people. This is not everyday life. And in the NFL, that is exactly what it's all about. In regular life, you can't do that. So I tell people, if you don't figure out as an athlete what is that next move It gets very dark. It gets very depressing. It gets very, very difficult.

Yeah. Now, a couple of avenues I want to take the conversation. One is, during all this up and down, were you married? Kids?

So I was married. Uh, so it's a good point. So in 2012, I met my ex-wife and she met me, and we— she was actually living in North Carolina when I was in Baltimore. We met on Match, and she left, uh, North Carolina to move with me in Baltimore. And then when I went bankrupt and broke, everything happened, we then left Baltimore, came back to Raleigh. So she was with me through, through that process when it all started. And then my stepdaughter, when she got back down here, thrived around her family. And then That was 2012 we met. Then 2013, on my birthday, she told me she was pregnant. And then now I have Bear, who's 11. So yeah, so then we got married in May of 2015.

Wow. Now that didn't end too well. Do we want to talk about the trajectory of that marriage?

Yeah, yeah, man. So my marriage ended in 2022. Uh, unfortunately, you know, some just— we just—

we—

our communication and, you know, our intimacy just is disconnected. Uh, I mean, I remember really hard trying to save the marriage, so hard, but unfortunately, like I tell people, it takes two to tango, right? My ex would say the same thing, like, like she had checked out and she told me that. And so, and then I'm sitting there trying to struggle to fight to get it back. And then once I found out that we're just so disconnected, I made the difficult decision. I actually filed for divorce. Um, I, my ex did not, I did. And it was not easy. It was a struggle because the struggle was I didn't want to not be around my kids all the time. But here's what I thought. Ava is going to— going to college. So she was actually going to be going into her freshman year at that time. So she was gone. Farrah was only 8. My parents divorced when I was 8. It was 1988. And I met Ava when she was 8. A lot of 8s. So I said to myself, if I stay in this marriage, if I stay in this house I'm gonna be around Farrah 100% of the time, almost probably 0% happy or fulfilled. If I leave and I get my own stuff together— I mean, I'll tell you what, man, that first 2 and a half months when I moved out of my marital home into a broken-down, dirty, dingy, grimy apartment, I only had 2 weeks to get out. That's it, 2 weeks. And what happened is I ended up finding a place, 2-bedroom, fully furnished.

I had—

when I left Ralph, I had nothing. I had no— I just had my clothes, jersey, a couple— I got like a Barry Sanders jersey over here, a picture over here, I had a couple of my little trinkets, clothes, that's it. She kept everything— beds, furniture, washer, dryer, everything. So I had to find a place that was fully furnished, which is not easy to do in such short notice. So it wasn't a lot of options. So that first 2 and a half months, Ralph, when I moved into my apartment I was renting, I could probably say with all honesty might have been the darkest 2 and a half months of my life. Seriously, seriously, I was just so— oh my God. And then what happens in January of 2023, midway I made the choice that I'm not going to just be a victim anymore. I'm not going to say poor me, poor me anymore. And I went from victim to victor, and I went from negative mindset to neutral. It took me about 2 and a half months to go from negative to neutral. Once I got to neutral, I made this choice. I said, Marcus, you're now in neutral. We're not going back to negative. And that's when I started working harder and harder through the process. So it was tough, man. I mean, divorce is one of the most difficult things you ever have to do, ever.

Now, a lot of people hearing your story about marriage and divorce would assume that you met the ex while you were this successful NFL guy, and then she dumped you, or the marriage disintegrated rather, when the roller coaster went down. But that wasn't the case. You guys got together when you were close to your lowest, right?

Yeah, it was. That is exactly right. And it's interesting, right? What I learned from this is— I would say what my therapist says is I was going through trauma bonding, where she had a lot of trauma, I had a ton of trauma, and we bonded off the trauma.

Yep.

And then as we moved here and started to try to get back into a routine, a real life, the trauma kind of calmed down. And we grew, but just in different directions. She was more into one thing, I was more into another. She wanted to go out a lot and still kind of, you know, and do things and be a little more young at heart, which is fine. I didn't mind doing that, but I didn't want to do it all the time, right? So, you know, in reality, what I tell people is, if you're at, uh, I'll say this, when it comes to dating, right, do not try and date someone if you're at the highest high emotion or the lowest low emotion. What happens is it's a false sense of emotion, right? I got with her when I was at the lowest point of my life professionally. I was going through my struggles, the business started to go under, I had no money, I had nothing. And so it was just a sense of trauma bonding. And that's what I came up with. You know what, that's a very— I told my therapist, that's a very fair statement. Because end of the day, right, Ralph, in reality, I should have never married her. But, you know, it's fine. You know, I had my two kids and in my life, and I guess I was married, tried marriage, and, you know, and marriage with the right person, it feels great. Yeah, it's great, you know. But it's— but also It's a lot of work, so don't just go into it blindly. Love is awesome, it is a phenomenal feeling, it is a phenomenal, you know, emotion, but it's also just that— it's an emotion, it's a feeling you have to work on every single day. So if you're not willing to put the work in, don't even bother trying to get into a relationship.

Yeah, here's what we hear all the time in our group, and I put a link up to the group for the guys that are watching this live, help4men.com/join, to join the Brotherhood, which is our private support community for guys. Here's what I hear from guys in the group, guys that reach out to me all the time. They're with a woman, they're married for so many years, she cheats on them, they get divorced, he's heartbroken, he's down in the dumps, rock bottom moment. He gets him a girlfriend like immediately. He puts himself on those apps and he finds a new woman like right away. And guess what? He is just, oh my gosh, the Lord has blessed me with the most perfect woman ever. How did I get so lucky? This is amazing. She makes me feel like I've never felt with the wife. With the wife, it was the awful, and she ended up cheating. It was terrible. But this new girlfriend, oh, perfect. And I'm like, oh boy, here we go. And it always ends in some kind of chaos because they were— they met under the wrong circumstances. He was really broken. She's like, I like broken guys. And they get together and they're two broken people and all kinds of shit breaks out. It's just not good. And what a lot of those guys say is that breakup with new perfect girlfriend actually hurts worse than what he had with, with the divorce. Yeah, because he felt like he was so lucky and everything was just perfect and it was just amazingly awesome. And then life is like, dude, you did it again. So your story is one that everybody hears all the time— that I hear all the time, rather— which is Yeah, that chaos is not the perfect building grounds for a relationship because once the chaos inevitably settles down and you guys move in together and everything starts getting, quote, boring, which is another word for normal—

hey, you know, the everyday life gets normal—

and you're just like, well, there goes the excitement of, you know, having sex 3 times a day, and there goes the excitement of— and now we have a kid, and now Now we went from 3 times a day to once a month if we're lucky. And now— and the guy's thinking this way, and the wife's like, the excitement's gone. I just don't have those oomph feelings for him anymore. And the wife starts saying, maybe this means this was a mistake. And the guy's like, uh, what can I do to fix this? And around and around they go, and boom, there you go. So the grand solution to this isn't necessarily don't get in relationships. That's what a lot of guys think. It's more of take your time, do it right, work on your issues, talk to somebody. Like, you talked about going to therapy. Kudos to you, man. That's— I wish more guys did that. Go talk to somebody about all this stuff, and you may have some aha moments. And one of those aha moments is probably maybe I should just cool it with the relationships and the dating. Yeah, chill out for a bit.

Just calm down.

Work on— you probably have money issues you got to work on, all you divorced guys. You probably have emotional issues you got to work on. Just set the ladies aside for a bit. They ain't going anywhere, you know. There's plenty of them out there. It's not like we're all 90 years old and we only have days left. Like, no, dude, it's okay if you just set them aside, right? You'll be fine. And that's easier said than done though, especially when you're hurting, you know.

Well, I'll say this. So when I got divorced in, uh, so I filed for divorce July 2022. I moved out November 1st, 2020, uh, '22, to the apartment. I was not intimate with anybody for almost 7 months because my lawyer told me, do not do that, you're still in the house, wait, the whole thing. So when I got out, right, I knew that whoever I was seeing was just for fun. I knew it. And I said that, I said, I am not looking for a relationship. I do not want to try to get into something serious. If you want something serious, I am not your guy. I'm not. I just wanted to have fun. And then while I was having fun, I was working on myself, seeing a therapist, going through the process, untangling money, trying to sell our old home, trying to work through the process, the whole nine yards. And I can tell you this, I learned in that process— I'm so glad that I didn't do like a lot of guys, not a lot of guys They say the statistics— the statistics show that most guys after divorce are either engaged or in a serious relationship within like a 12-month period.

Fast. Way faster than the ladies do. Way faster than the ladies.

Exactly. And so here's the thing, right? Like I tell people, how can you truly, right, have fixed yourself after 12 months? It's not possible. In my opinion, right? What do I think? That if you don't believe that, that's totally fine. I can tell you from my experience, if I would have tried to get with somebody seriously within a 12-month window of going through what I went through, it would have been absolutely a disaster.

Yep.

Because what— who I was was an individual that was torn, that was broken, that was hurting, And all I would have done was hurt the other person because I didn't trust— I don't really trust people now that much. I mean, when it comes to women, I don't. I'm 3 and a half years out of my divorce and I still struggle with trusting people because at the end of the day, like I tell people, relationships, the thing that stinks, right, Ralph? You have no control over the other person. None.

Such is life.

Yeah. And that's the gamble. Love is probably— is not probably— love is the biggest gamble we can ever take in life. And again, I'm not saying you shouldn't do it, I'm just saying understand it. Be cognizant of what you're getting into. This is why with me, I know who I want to be with, or the type of person. Again, nobody's perfect. I don't expect anybody— that's—

I don't—

that's not gonna talk about that. What I want is someone I can talk to, that I can chat with, that's there in the hard times. And again, you said the excitement, right? All that stuff, you know, sex, you know, 3, 4 times a day, all that, like, that's not going to last forever.

It's not real. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, I don't think so. I don't— I mean, I don't think it's, you know, I don't think it's gonna last forever. I mean, I know a lot of married guys a lot. I don't know any married guy getting sex 3, 4 times a day in his marriage. I don't, I don't. If you do, I am happy for you. You're awesome, fantastic, and keep it going, right? If you do, great. But most guys aren't getting that. So what I tell people, you have to be ready for what it's going to be, which is the reality factor.

Right?

Life gets mundane, it gets boring at times, it gets redundant. And if you're looking for someone to excite you all the time, that's the problem. It's like with me, I create my own excitement. Like, I'll go to the movies I want to, I'll travel, I'll go play poker, hang out with my daughter, I'll watch documentaries. Like, yo guys, learn to be okay by yourself. That's the big thing.

Amen.

Oh, it's hard.

Well, we got— yeah, we got guys that their entire life has been built on what I do for others.

It's been built on what that person thinks about me being married, being part of— yo, that's— got it. I totally get it. But understand this, you like anybody else, have to be okay. Because you can't have someone around you 24/7. Not possible, except for yourself, right? And I tell people, stop trying to get everybody to like you. Learn to love yourself. This is a tough one because a lot of times you say we're looking for outside validation. I believe that's where cheating comes in on both sides.

Sure, absolutely.

Looking for outside validation. I don't need anybody to validate me. Is it nice getting a compliment here and there when I'm dating somebody? Of course it is. But I don't need someone to validate me. I need someone to connect with me, be a partner with me. That's what I need. I want you to take care of me. I want you to, you know, I want you to take care of my stuff. I can walk, I can cook for myself, I can clean myself, I can do my own laundry, I can make my bed, I can pay my own bills. I don't need anybody to take care of me. I want someone to build with. And I feel as guys— again, I can't speak for all, I can speak for me— we have to cook. And I struggled with that for a little while when I first got out of the house. You've got to learn to be okay with us without anybody else there.

The— so you got these guys that are fresh out of— I'm getting some feedback here, I'm gonna mute your— there we go. We got guys that are fresh out of divorce, they lost a job after 20 years, whatever it may be. So that title of husband, that title of vice president of sales, that whatever it may be, Sometimes even— this is the, the worst thing that I hear, and it's so heartbreaking to hear these stories— the loss of a child. My child passed away for whatever reason, so now I'm no longer a parent. Maybe that was your only kid, whatever it may be. All these outside things define who it is I am, and when those go away, you're left with, I— who the hell am I? What do I do?

Who—

when all— when the titles are gone, what am I left with? And what a lot of guys realize is nothing. I don't know who the hell I am. I don't know beyond NFL player, beyond soldier. When those things are gone— now, to your credit, Marcus, when you left the NFL, shortly thereafter, if I'm right in the timeline, you started up a successful concrete business, right? So there, there's something— let me unmute you here— there's something in you innately that has that business acumen, that drive, or whatever Where did that come from, do you think, to go and start your own biz?

So my dad was the first African-American bank manager for the Federal Home Loans Bank of New York in their DC office. So our dad went to Howard, got his degree in economics from Howard, got his master's in Maryland— sorry, he got his master's from the University of Maryland. So we learned a long time ago, like just from my childhood about entrepreneurship, being in business for yourself, taking care of yourself. You know, we learned all that stuff and I was able to really watch people. You know, I respect that my grandfather was an entrepreneur and had a little— he had like an auto automotive business. He would help fix cars and things of that nature. You know, my grandfather's next door neighbor, Uncle Trevor, had the same type of little auto business going on as well. So I was always fascinated with entrepreneurship, business, numbers, and also I have a degree in finance myself. And the thing is, I saw a lot of people in corporate America lose their job unexpectedly, you know, without any notice. And I was like, man, I truly don't want this to happen to me. So I always felt that bug. If I left the NFL, I'd have been working for somebody for so long, taking people's orders, which is fine, right? It's fine. But I wanted to try something else on my own. I wanted to actually go out there, say, you know what, can I do this? Can I set up a business on my own? Can I get myself situated and settled? So I always had that bug and desire because I just didn't want to keep having to follow the corporate ladder, the corporate environment. And so again, but one thing I've always been, I've been an individual who's been disciplined and I don't mind taking risk as long as I have enough time to assess what could go good, what could go bad. And so, and again, right, when I did my construction company, things were great, but unfortunately, because I was just so young and so just simple-minded, right? It's so dim-witted. I didn't think I could ever be hurt, or I thought that— I thought I was so untouchable, it basically— everything around me crashed and burned. So the point is, I've learned about entrepreneurship, business, right, Ralph, from a very, very young age.

Yeah, it's in your blood, so to speak. So you got your parents, grandparents— that's awesome. So you got the, the brains and the, uh, the oomph, the business acumen, the tolerance for risk. Sounds like you kind of had that baked into your DNA there. You saw growing up, and a lot of people don't have that. So you're blessed in a lot of ways. I mean, let's put that out there. So you had that foundation to fall back on. That's a wrong term because there's no fall back on, there's no safety net. It's nothing but work as an entrepreneur. It's just work, work, work, go, go, go, risk, risk, risk, spend. Hopefully there's a return. It's way more difficult, arguably, than being some kind of corporate dude. So, but it's— I mean, guys, let's think about the story of Marcus here. You were in stadiums playing to 100,000 screaming fans, literally, at times, to— all right, I'm out of that at a young age, 28, right? Into your own business, successful business, business failed, and holy shit, what now? And you were willing to swallow your pride, set your ego aside, and literally become a janitor for $8 an hour. Did anybody ever recognize you when you were mopping the floors? Like, hey, are you—

Yeah, I had some people that recognized me and said, wow, man. And you know what's really crazy, Ralph? People would recognize me and I was like, oh, how are you? Being polite, good morning conversation. And they would look at me and say, just say nothing. They was like, oh, I recognize you. Then, okay, just act like I wasn't even there. I was so treated like I was inhuman, like I was less than others, all because I just had a job that was— that people considered beneath them. And that's why, right, Ralph Brewer Brewer, who I am now, I will talk to anybody, right? I will talk to anybody. I will help anybody. I'm all about serving and giving back. And I'm literally that individual that's all about helping people to elevate and rise to the next level.

Yeah, those rock bottom moments make you more empathetic to other people's conditions. You look at a guy and you go, I don't know what his story is, I have no idea. Everyone always seems to jump to that guy is down, face down in the gutter because of his series of bad decisions. He just— he's a drug addict. He's a—

what?

It's like, dude, you have no idea what that man's been through. He may be one little handout, if you will, one little hand raised saying, "I need help." He may go from janitor to speaking to Fortune 50 companies as a speaker. You have no idea. There's Marcus's out there all over the world.

Everywhere! Everywhere!

Yeah. So kudos to you, man. So we're so lucky to have Mr. Marcus Ogden with us here today. And we got Mr. Ninja Spam 2000 makes a point, like the video. He's telling everybody, yes guys, wherever you're watching this, if you give me a like, follow, all that good stuff, I would appreciate it. We are on Facebook, YouTube, as well as Twitter, or X as it's called now. So guys, if you're watching this, give me a like. That tells all those places that this is worthy of other people seeing. So I was telling Marcus, most of our viewers, if you will, watch us on the recording later on and all the clips that we post everywhere. But it always helps. There we go, somebody gave me a like. Thank you so very much, I appreciate it. I've been putting a couple of banners up here. One is our, uh, uh, Help for Men Brotherhood. The other is Rebuild. All this, what we're talking about here is Marcus's rebuild story, and I talk all about this in a book called Rebuild, and you can find out more at readrebuild.com. That is my fifth book. And Marcus, I need to send you a copy. It is right up, right up your alley, mister. You'll probably read that thing and go, been there, done that.

Any type book around rebuilding, mindset, attributes over skills, anything like that, it's gonna always be right up my alley. Because I tell people, life is not straight line. Life is not going to give you what you want when you want it. Life is not designed to be just this simple linear— no way, Jose. So you gotta have the ability to bounce back and rebuild when things don't go your way.

Some of us got to learn that the hard way, like, you know, losing everything and becoming a janitor and, you know, getting divorced and end up in a shitty apartment. Some of us got to go down that road. A lot of guys can relate to your story that are watching this or that will watch this later. Uh, some of us though, we kind of— I go back to the military thing. I was a military brat, so I know that world really well. My dad was lifelong enlisted military guy, sergeant. Um, some of us, we volunteer for those moments. You know, when you go to the military and you go into a boot camp, they strip you down to nothing, literally and figuratively, as they strip you of all your ego and everything else. And the next thing you know, you've lost 20 pounds and you're doing so many push-ups and marching until you vomit and everything else. And they just strip you of all that so they can, what, rebuild you from the ground up and what they need, which is a good soldier who can do what they need to help defend the country and stuff. There's a lot to learn from that mindset, which is just whittle you down to nothing Most of us haven't had those whittle you down to nothing moments until, you know, who knows, your wife says adiós, I don't want you anymore, and you're like, oh shoot, who am I? What am I? Husband's gone. Take off your husband suit, put on your— what suit do I put on now? Scary, scary.

Oh yeah, you know, like I said, right, Ralph? Scary moments indeed, because you have no idea what to expect, what is next, all that kind of stuff. It's, it's, it's, it's It's— you just never know. So I tell people all the time, you just gotta keep getting after it. You just gotta keep pushing yourself forward. Boom, boom, boom. Just don't give up.

And I want to reiterate, this doesn't mean do it alone either, because Marcus got help, I got help, all of us. And we can all attest to— it was that moment when I finally said, all right, I need a little something here. That finally we went from here to here, which led us to get to here, which led us get to here, just by virtue of networking and learning from this guy and learning from that guy. If you all— so many guys these days just think, I can lone wolf this, just stay in my little apartment, get on the internet, figure it all out myself, make my money, to hell with the rest of the world, everybody's done me wrong anyways. Like, no, man, that's the, the wrong attitude for all this.

No, no, no, nobody can do it alone. Nobody. Because your mind, when you're in darkness, it can't see clearly. It can't see the forest through the trees. It can't see through the fog, rainfall, the, the darkness. It can't see. So this is why groups like yours, right, Ralph Brewer Brewer, helping other men, it's big. Because there's strength in numbers. It's about a tribe. You need to have people around you that are like-minded, that can tell you things without you even having to ask them. I'm part of this really powerful group of guys. They're all very successful in the insurance business, except for me. I'm speaking— I do a lot of speaking in their industry, but they all have commercial insurance businesses, 7 figures, 8 figures, some guys 9 figures. These guys are all top successful, fulfilled guys, but we all are part of a group. All of us can tell each other what we need to hear without asking. All of us push each other. All of us want the best for each other. Ladies and gentlemen, right? I just like saying that with the wrong— guys, you need to be part of a group like Help for Men. Because at the end of the day, what happens is you then have a place to go when you have a hardship, or you have a difficult sleepless night, or you're disagreeing with your spouse, or you're having a work issue, or you don't know who you are because you've lost a job, or you've lost a career, or you've lost a girlfriend, or you lost whatever, right? This is big because what happens is at the end of the day you must, you must understand that you have to have that support group. The support group is going to allow you to vent, get things off your chest, and then move in a better situation. And that is what it's all about, Ralph. Brotherhood, community, tribe.

There you go.

It's vital, vital, vital.

Absolutely. Before I did all this Help for Men thing and the Dad Starting Over thing, I used to do marketing work for a bunch of different companies, and I used to work directly with like the head dude in charge. And every single one of them belonged to some kind of business group. They would run every decision by the group. They would always have little coffee meetings at the office. They would always be going to some other— somebody else's office to have these little roundtable meetings. That really opened my eyes to, oh wow, nobody really does this alone. They're just all part of little teams. And then they're— they, they will go to this team and this guy would introduce them to another team and another team. And I became part of all these things. And they would start— I would get jobs that way and become like part of this web and this network and learn from all these guys. And there's nothing more valuable than, guys, here's the situation I'm going through, and the other guy goes, oh yeah, I've been there, done that, here's what I did. And don't waste— don't waste any more money going down that road, dude. Don't do what I did. I spent thousands on that. Go this way instead. This is the freebie way, whatever it may be. The same kind of logic applies to going through this stuff. With all the divorce and all this other nonsense. Been there, done that, dude. Don't do what I did, do this instead. Yeah, reach out for help, go to here instead, put down the alcohol, do this, whatever it may be. To hear that from hundreds and hundreds of men all at once, it's just like, I'm not alone. And then there's this group of expertise out there that allows me to expedite getting better instead of being down here for so long. Suddenly I jump up 10 notches because I have the the wisdom of all these other guys there, it's invaluable. It's huge. So, you know, take it from us guys, for what it's worth, two guys who have been there, done that. Don't, don't do this. It's—

oh my God, yeah, man. Because what happens is interesting, right? When I was in my apartment in that 2 and a half months, I was alone. You know, I talked to my therapist once a week on the phone, but I didn't leave. I very rarely left the house other than like work commitments, stuff, or travel for speaking., and it was just isolation, darkness, depression. When I moved into my new home in May 2023, into a better development, more people, happier neighbors, more fulfilled neighbors, friendlier neighbors, I started to really start to live a more holistic, healthy life. Because what was happening was I was coming out of darkness into the light. And ladies and gentlemen, again, I'm sorry to say that. You're always—

I'm sure we got some ladies watching this.

We always put into the process, we have to, have to have a group of people that can pull us out of darkness into the light. One of my favorite quotes by Aristotle: in times of extreme darkness, focus on the light. And Help for Men is the light to help men who are struggling get themselves back on track after a divorce, after a death, after desertion, after difficulty, after, you know, all the types of things, the different dimensions of life, right? This is a group that will help you to get out of darkness, get out of your own way, to get you where you belong and where you deserve with this filled in the light with great people around you.

I appreciate that. Appreciate that. Thank you. Oh, got the voice coming back at me here again, a little feedback there. Where can we find out more about what it is that you do? Your book you mentioned behind you there, the, the type— where can we find out everything you do? Is on your website, I assume?

Thank you, Ralph. Yeah, they can go to our website, www.marcusmarcusbrewer.com. Q-U-E-S Ogden, O-G-D-E-N.com, and you can connect with us. Or you can shoot me an email, Marcus@MarcusOgden.com. Or check out our awesome podcast, Get Authentic with Marcus Ogden. Please connect with us, check us out. We would love to chat with you and see if you'd be a podcast guest just have a conversation. Again, it's all about community and brotherhood.

Very good. Thank you so much, Mr. Marcus. Appreciate you, brother, everything you do. Keep doing what you're doing. I look forward to continuing working with you and the podcasts and all that good stuff. It's, it's been a pleasure getting to know you. I love surrounding myself with more and more positive people in my world. It's very easy to go down black holes of just bunch of guys being victims together. Woe is me, life has beat me upside the head, women suck, and all this other— and you can do that, sure, and it makes you feel good to be part of a tribe that way. But you do that for a year or two and you're like, I'm still the same damn place I was before, if not more and more angry than I used to be. It's still broke, still— it's still— eventually you go like, what am I doing? And you take a left turn instead. And I think you're part of that left turn. So guys, check out Marcus Ogden .com. I put it in the comments there for everybody, so you can just click on that link and, and go to that and check it out. Mr. Marcus, thank you once again, appreciate you. And guys, thank you so much for joining us today. Check out help4men.com, go to help4men.com/join. We would love for you to be in the Brotherhood group and join hundreds and hundreds of men who are all there to help each other out. So guys, we'll catch on the next one. We'll see you later.