Chat Live with Ralph (DSO) and Adam Nisenson!

Chat with Ralph, it's the place to be. Bald as the moon but full of tea. Divorce debates and cheating confessions. Sexless nights and awkward questions. Oh, Chat with Ralph, it's a laugh and a half. Grab a seat, tune in for the gaffs. Bald and bold, spilling the truth. Get ready folks, here's your proof. Got no hair but I got the flair. Marriage drama, we lay it bare. Infidelity, it's a spicy stew. Pour a cup, let's talk it through. So join the fun, don't miss a thing. Chat with Ralph Brewer, secrets swing. Bald is beautiful, and that's a fact. Now hit that stream, it's time to act!

All right, welcome everyone! How's everybody today? Always takes a bit for people to file in here. They will start coming in while we're, uh, blabbing away here. Adam, let me get rid of this person on my phone.

All right, you're good. And I was just thinking, Ralph, I need music. I need a music intro like that.

Do you have a show of some kind, or do you mean just when you walk into a room?

I mean, wouldn't that be awesome? Just in general, walk in.

Yes, just have intro. I've always wanted an intro song. I can't remember if we— is that the first time you've seen that?

Yeah, first time.

Okay, so the story behind that is there is an AI program called— oh shit, I always forget this. I think it's Suno. Let me— yeah, Suno. Um, all you do— oh no, shit, I lost you. Where'd you go?

I'm still here.

I know, but I lost you on my screen.

There we go.

So, um, all you do basically is you pay $9.99 a month for you can create unlimited songs. You type in the description, give me— what I did was I said give me like an old-time radio jingle, um, put in funny things about me being bald and that I talk about divorce and fidelity, sex and marriage, and it came up with that in about 1 second. And that is completely AI, there's no real human behind that. So it's awesome, but it's kind of scary. Do you know how many people that just put out of business?

I— yeah, I know, man.

That used to be, let's get, you know, several people into the studio, let's get— somebody's gonna cut it. And now it's just click, click, done. $9. $9.

Yeah, because you don't need it every month, you just need it that one.

No, so if I get tired of it, I can go ahead and go generate another one. Nothing. Yeah, pretty awesome. So welcome. Oh man, it's been busy, been busy. We got, uh, coming up here in How many? Not even 2. Yeah, 2 months, right?

2 and a half.

2 and a half months. 2 and a half months. We got BroFest, which is what we call our annual conference in the States where we all get together and have fun and learn from each other. And Mr. Adam here is going to be hanging out with us. So which begs the question, for those guys that are newly watching this, who the heck is Adam? Who is Adam Nissen-Sinnum? What's he all about?

I feel like I'm just your sidekick today, you know. Every great host needs that guy on sitting next to him. Yeah, I'm the banter part of this show.

Yeah, for those young people who don't know, Ed McMahon was on Johnny Carson.

He was. Yeah, I'm, um, yeah, hi, I'm Adam. Um, I'm known as the Betrayal Shrink and, uh, specialize— well, I'm also a licensed marriage and family therapist, but I wrote the first book on what I call masculine betrayal trauma. So that's Helping men navigate when they get cheated on, flipping the script, if you will. And, um, yeah, I'm just your average everyday expert on that kind of stuff, which is actually really important, right? There's not many resources out there for men who've been cheated on.

That's right. So the Betrayal is solely about, I caught my spouse with another person, or does it ever mention— physical or emotional, right?

Betrayal is betrayal, right? They both can land differently, but I feel like the overall impact's about the same.

Let's get into that. Emotional versus physical, because it always surprises me how many people are like, what the heck is emotional affair? What do you even mean by that? And some people, when you explain it— inappropriate contact with somebody outside of the relationship— oh, you know, the— basically a good, a good barometer for whether or not you're up to no good is, are— would you share what you just said with your spouse? And if they're like, I don't want my wife to see what I'm typing—

would you— yeah, would you let your spouse know you had this conversation?

Would you have them in on the conversation? And yeah, if not, then you're probably up to no good. So it always surprises me how even when you explain that to some people, some people, the reaction is, that's, that's no big deal. It's just flirting. It's just talking to somebody else. As long as you don't touch each other, who cares? It's like, well, some people are a little bit more sensitive than others to that. I think most people would be sensitive to that if you're talking about somebody else.

Yeah, I'll say this. I, I think often the emotional affair parts maybe minimize some out there, but I mean, look, when you are giving of yourself to someone else, when you're giving time, energy, attention, affection, which doesn't have to be physical, and when you should be doing that with your partner, I mean, that's a huge breach of trust. That's, um, like when you know you're doing it and you're like, there's a part where it feels really good but you don't want anyone else to know, like that's that inner voice telling you I'm doing something that's not quite right. And, you know, I, I think in many ways, I think an emotional affair is almost worse than a physical affair. Um, you know, often physical affairs can be a one-off one, you know, like I just did this one time, where emotional affair takes months and months and you build a relationship and you give of yourself, right? And if you think about it, a healthy relationship, your marriage or whatever committed relationship, it is all about, right? You're not having sex all the time, every day, right? You're connected, you're talking, you're sharing life and wants and needs and hopes and dreams. And so I think an emotional affair, although very much underlooked, is actually the crux of what the problem, the bigger problem is.

And with the understanding that there are in fact some, I guess we could say cultures in general. And there are some relationships where it is overtly understood that that's cool if you want to talk to somebody else. I don't care as long as you don't touch them. We even have those that are like, I'll let you even go out and do get some hanky-panky on the side as long as you come home and we are primary partners with each other. That's cool. There are some cultures, I guess, that are cool with that, some people that are cool with that.

I mean, there's some relationships that have those agreements. That's a totally different beast than the—

totally different beast. Yeah, but it's interesting though. I often talk about honeymoon stage of a relationship, those— that initial stage where it's so— you're, you're just on autopilot mode, everything is perfect, it's wonderful, you're very physically connected, emotionally connected, and all that fun stuff. And then invariably life gets in the way and time, and you— that over-the-top lustfulness, if you will, or whatever, kind of dissipates. And some people are more sensitive to that transition than others. And some people are like, I absolutely need that honeymoon stage of the relationship in order to function within this relationship. And once that dissipates, I go look and look for it elsewhere. That's not so good. That's what we see with, with a lot of folks. And I'm trying to think where the hell I was going with that train of thought, but, uh, that, that opens you up to all kinds of those emotional affairs, opening yourself up to others. I need that dopamine hit. Of that newness, of that—

totally that—

of that novelty. Um, nothing tickles that little dopamine sensor— that's not the right word— dopamine gland.

Being seen, being appreciated, being acknowledged, somebody brand new.

I think that's huge, and people don't appreciate just how powerful that is, which explains a great deal of my seemingly asexual, sexually dormant wife who hasn't touched me in so long really came alive with new guy, therefore he must be so much better than me, he must be a more manly man than me. Like, no, you're discounting the whole newness of it. You don't realize that that's, you know, component of it.

Actually, you bring up a great point. Like, often when a man goes through betrayal, right, when he's cheated on— I feel like I have to always say that to differentiate it because the, right, the stereotype is when we say a man going through betrayal, it's like, oh, he's the one that's betraying, right? But actually, statistically that those point— the playing field is leveling out a lot. It's not, you know, it's not what we used to think. It's probably almost as many women are cheating as men are. But, um, where I was going with that is what happens to the male ego, right? And, and that belief that maybe I'm— like you were hitting on, right? Like, I'm less than, right? Because my partner's so excited or got so into this other person. Well, most of the time it's never that. It is the newness, right? In relationships, we have a relational cycle, and the beginning is always infatuation. And you can never get that back, really, right? That's hard. And it's also not sustainable. And infatuation in a relationship is not a true relationship. That's why a lot of relationships will end after like 3 to 6 months, because that infatuation goes away and you go, oh, It's like when they turn the lights on at the, at the dance club at 2 AM and you're like, whoa, what's happening here? It's so much— it's some of that.

So I, I, I saw a woman talk about, um, limerence, that limerent phase of the relationship, basically infatuation phase of the relationship, and how, how we— for some of us, especially in the online era today, we build up an image of a person via text message, messaging on dating apps or whatever, and they become, they become a grandiose version of themselves. The, the perfect partner. They're so sexy, they're so awesome. I love connecting with them. I can't wait to meet them in person. Then when we do, they don't live up to the little fantasy I have in my head of what I thought they were going to be. And the woman that I saw gave her a little speech. I can't remember who it was, but she said what was so dysfunctional for her was that she got mad at the other person for not being that what she wanted. She's like, I gotta go, I gotta get home, whatever, leave our date early. She couldn't wait to go back to their old online only so she could relive some of that infatuation fantasy. Basically, she preferred the fantasy.

Yeah, actually, you know, you bring up a good— like, limerence is a great topic because I'll tell you something I see often in the betrayal world is when the cheater is caught, often they go to this place of total confusion where they don't know what they want. And that's the limerence. That's that, right? Because like you were talking, that fantasy and that— all that stuff is rushing through them, and now it's flooding out, and they're kind of get stuck in dissidence, right? And that's where, like, a lot of the men I work with, I find they get really stuck and angry, like How can she not know what she wants? Or how, how do they want to be with that person and not me? And it's actually not that. It's they're just so, they're so confused, right? So, so out of what's, what's reality. And so it takes a little while sometimes for people who are the betrayer to get out of that, that phase and that fantasy, if you will.

It is. There's some, there's some brain chemistry behind it that it is akin to addiction. Um, yeah, it's very similar to a person who has a substance abuse problem, for example. They know in a logical part of the brain back there somewhere, I shouldn't be taking this drug or drink or whatever, I, I can't handle it, it's ruining my life. But there's— they're, they're living in kind of a fog, if you will, of they're under a spell of this substance, whatever it is. I have to take it, it makes me feel great, but I know I really shouldn't, and I know I'm hurting my family, and I know stealing money from them is wrong. But I gotta feed this addiction. It's really hard. It's really hard to break from it. It's very similar to people that are middle of an affair. Um, many men that I've talked to have spoken to their wife, their adulterous wife, if you will, and saying, don't you realize what you're doing? Like, you have these— us, myself, and these kids, and you're throwing that all away. And the wife, in a fit of anger, goes, yeah, I know exactly what I'm doing. I, I know that, thank you very much, but I can't break free from this attraction to this person, this connection. Often they have to hit the old rock bottom moment to kind of wake them up out of that stupor, if you will.

Yeah, it's true. You know, um, I'm remarried, and so my, my wife Judith, she actually—

we—

she works with women who cheat, women cheaters, right?

Oh wow.

So we— yeah, so we have this great— like, I work with— I might be working with a husband and she's working with the wife, and it's a great way to do continuity of care. But it's really unique because not many people talk about women who cheat. And, you know, one of the things, you know, what's also great about this is I get, I get to kind of peek behind the curtain, right? And learn, like, she just tells me things that happen. Not like hippo, like what people, you know, by name are doing, but like, like which, like patterns, right? And one of the big things you were alluding to is like these women will tell her like I, I don't know who I am. I got lost in this, or it felt so good that any other sense of reality or reason was gone. And you're right, like, that's, that's what addiction does, right? And I'm not saying these, these women in any way are addicted, right? You don't, like, you don't have to be a sex addict or something like that to go out and cheat, but we get hooked on the excitement or that the wanting to be wanted, you know. I think that's— Carl Jung said something like, the soul wants to want. And I think that's, I think that's so true for, for most all of us in different ways.

And the, um, phrase I often use, nefarious angle of all of this, is that there's a biological component. There is a natural component of all this. Like, for example, if you're a guy in an affair, you're kind of wired to have sexual variety and go out and meet some. That's why it is tough to put in the work and remain faithful and, and all that good stuff in order to stay devoted to your partner and connected to them. Um, some of us don't realize just how wired we are for that until we step outside of the relationship or meet— or we're divorced and we meet somebody new and we're like, I haven't felt these feelings in forever, this is, this is amazing, and I feel like I, I could run a marathon. I feel this— Mother Nature's doing what it's supposed to do, it's making you feel amazing so you stay bonded to that person and according to Mother Nature, make some babies with them and procreate and, you know, keep the species going. Yeah, so we're under a spell, if you will, of our, of our own biology. And that kind of scares a lot of people to see it from the outside, seeing your loved one go through that, so to speak. That almost sounds like they're a victim of it. Um, but, uh, which begs the question then, you've caught them, they're in the middle of it. Some things that we see as a result of this crazy limbo, whatever stage they're in, the middle of the affair, is we'll see a lot of lying. It seems like they can't keep reality from fantasy straight. It seems like if you ask them— the little example I often give is the innocent one— it's like they're so all over the place with their head, they're so trapped between two worlds, they're so going crazy in that way, quote unquote, that you could ask them something as innocuous as, 'Are we out of milk? Do I need to stop at the store?' And they're like, 'I just bought some yesterday.' And you come home and you go, Where's the milk you said you bought yesterday? There's no milk. That's how nutty they are in that moment. They just don't know right or wrong, left or right. It's, it's crazy.

Yeah, I mean, if you think about it, people— betrayers, they're actually, they're living a dual life. They are actually— they will, you know, our brains are magical machinery, right? And it has, right, compartmentalizing you start to— it's— I like— I also work the flip side, right? I work with some men who cheat, and like, you can gaslight yourself, right? You can lie to yourself. And sometimes all those lies, or convenient truths if you will, become the narrative, and to where the betrayer doesn't even know or remember what is really the truth or reality. That happens. That happens a lot. And because so much is going on and they're living in these dual worlds, it's very common that people who cheat actually forget a lot of stuff, right? And then that makes it worse because if you're reconciling, the betrayed, they want an inventory, right? They want a disclosure. They want to know what they're dealing with. They want to— like I always say, it's kind of like we're going to draw a line here and then moving forward and you're good, right? Because you know everything. But sometimes you never will know everything. And I see that often as big struggle for the men I work with where they don't know if they can go on if they don't know everything, and they think they have to know everything. And I think too that comes down to, you know, being a man, we have to fix everything, I need all the data, etc., etc. So what do you do with that? What do you— where do you go if you don't get to know everything and if your partner is totally oblivious or can't remember or make— connect the dots, if you will?

Exactly right. I just got a warning saying that this stream was removed from my Dad Starting Over Facebook page. Well, how wonderful. Thanks, guys. What is that about? So if I say— what does that mean? That we're going, we're going live everywhere except for one of my accounts. Not, not a huge deal. I can— it'll be reposted there as a recording later, but it's always nice to get everybody on board here for asking questions live. But we are live on YouTube, of which we have Mr. Jeremy Pelfrey says— a little automated thing says he is a new member. That means is, um, there's a little thing where you can donate $4.99 on YouTube and you get access to a big library of videos that you wouldn't otherwise get. So for those of you watching on YouTube, jump over to the Dad Starting Over page and become a member. $4.99, a little something to help support the effort. You get access to all kinds of videos on there. Now let me see if I can Uh, edit.

You need a jingle for the $4.99.

I should watch this, guys. I'll add—

are you out of your mind?

All right, I'm not gonna say—

look out, viewership will drop quickly.

All right, I'm going to remove this and then I'm going to go live. Now and say, okay, save changes.

I love the technology. Gotta love being live.

Yeah, we're gonna— if this works, we're gonna show up right now for the— yep, it looks like it's worked.

And there we are, we're back.

So I'm gonna say, are we doing questions?

Are we doing questions?

Yeah, yeah.

I know Ralph, you just said we're winging it today.

Yeah, so for, for those of us that are watching this on the Dad Starting Over page on Facebook, sorry, there was a technical snafu. You've missed about 20 minutes of awesomeness between Adam and I.

It was the best 20 minutes.

Yeah, ever on your—

any of your stuff.

But obviously— oh well, we'll have a recording posted later, so don't worry about it. In fact, uh, some of these clips of ours goes into the tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of people. How's that? I mean, the, the wonder of the internet. So guys, as always, uh, first of all, those of us just joining us, Adam Nissenson and myself. Adam is the Betrayal Shrink, and you can learn more at betrayalshrink.com. He helps out gentlemen going through that awfulness of finding out your spouse stepped outside of the relationship and dealing with the trauma of all of that. And he specializes in exactly that, in addition to sex addiction. Kind of two different worlds but somewhat related there.

All fun topics, man. All fun.

Does it ever—

I mean, it's never boring. I know. I was gonna say, never, never boring. Um, I've been doing it so long now, I think only maybe 2 or 3 times a year am I surprised or shocked, or I'm like, yeah, I think I gotta look that up. And then after I look it up, I'm like, I'm like, shit, now that's in my search history. Oh well. Does it ever weigh—

does it ever weigh heavily on you? Like, you're like, I need to take a nap after hearing this, these stories?

I mean, look, I mean, I, you know, look, I deal with some of the heaviest, worst of the worst. Kind of things people go through. And I know we're having fun right now, and, and that's needed, but yeah, it's heavy, man. Yeah, sometimes, you know, I have— there's nights where I'll— like, one of my rituals is— and this may be TMI— but like, I'll go take a super hot shower, and I will just stand there with the water and let it roll over my head, and I'll just imagine all of it rolling off because There's— I mean, you know, I, I— a lot of my peers and stuff that work in this arena of betrayal, it's kind of like— I think it's the closest thing of experiencing a death, right? Except you keep seeing the person.

I was just gonna say, if arguably worse.

It's— yeah, look, it's— none of this is fun, but at the same time, like, the heaviness doesn't weigh on me really that much because I love what I do. I'm a betrayed man. My ex-wife cheated on me. You know, I wrote the book on it, and my whole mission is to help guys navigate this. And when I see guys turn a corner, I just see guys like, holy crap, I have someone to talk to that understands, man. That's awesome, right? And that, and that, that kind of makes up for the heaviness for me. I don't have to carry those burdens because I'm also helping.

So, yeah, it does.

It—

I'm— I admittedly, I'm probably a sensitive guy, more so than others, empathetic. So when hear a horror story after horror story from guys. It's just— it does. I'm just tired, literally tired after hearing all these things. And I had one today where a poor guy who was a widower— and that's sad to hear— loved his wife to death and she passed away and left him with two twin kids. And then he had a failed relationship, uh, for several years right after that, and he's hurt again, all over again, by that failed relationship. And so it's, it's tough to hear those things. And, uh, it is It's, it's, uh, it sounds awful, but one of the things that those men want to hear is, please tell me there's somebody that has it worse than me. I don't know if that's necessarily a good place to go to to feel better, but yeah, there's always, there's always a—

you know, I'll say this to all, all the men out there listening: don't do, don't do this stuff alone, right? Men, for some reason, we're kind of wired, right, where we just put our heads down, I'll figure it out myself, white-knuckle it, whatever. I gotta tell you, man, it— until you actually work on whatever it is that's hitting you, that, that gut punch, um, like I have guys in my men's betrayal groups, like they come in and the betrayal happened 10, 15, 20— actually had someone 40 years ago and they never did the work still, right? And well, right, they just like— it's easy to go numb, it's easy to pretend as if it's— again, easy to compartmentalize things. And then something happens, right? The kids go off to school, or the wife comes and says, you know, I want a divorce, right? Or you lose your job, or you retire. And all of a sudden, those big life shifts bring back everything that maybe you never looked at. And I gotta tell you, it's easier to do the work now. It's easier to do the work when you're in it, because I just think men, we're just wired not to necessarily ask for help. That's one of the things I love about your platform, Ralph Brewer, right, is that what I know helps men the most is brotherhood. And right, we don't have to walk in a room and size up every other guy and figure out where I stand. I want to, I want to walk into a room and I want men to see my heart and I want to see their heart and I want to be safe and I want to create that. And I think that's, that's part of the work I do in my betrayal work. And I know that's what you create this community. And I, I think that's healthy masculinity.

So there you go. Amen.

That's my soapbox.

That's something obviously that I preach every day. And selfishly, because I run such a group, such an organization, help4men.com/join to join the brotherhood. And we get together for frequent meetings. We have the one-on-one coaching that I talked about with the gentleman I had earlier today. Books, courses, we get together in person. We have forums, people get on there. I have something to ask a question. BroFest is our annual gathering in the United States. We have an Australian equivalent called MateFest. They just had their gathering in October.

And tell me, you make BroFest t-shirts?

I need to—

I have to have a t-shirt that says BroFest.

No, but I do need to make one, don't I? Yeah, I'm not—

you know what, let's talk offline. I'm gonna—

oh, this is my past.

Here's the thing, advertising.

So this— okay, this is the 6th annual one I'm doing, right? Under this name. I'm still not sold on the name BroFest because I don't want to be—

I love it.

I don't want to be too bro-y, too fratty, you know, whatever, at the same time. But I don't know. So I'm like, the name is— but every year I say that, every year I keep it. All right, maybe I do need to make an official logo.

Do a quick vote and see what everyone says who's listening. I like it.

I've done that verbally and guys seem to be kind of split. Some of the more cerebral guys are like, yeah, it's always kind of rubbed me the wrong way. And other dudes like, it's freaking awesome, man, bro, you know. So they're all over the place.

I don't know, I kind of— it is, it is to the point for sure.

All right, well, there you go. And it's not really a fest, it's not really a festival, you know, it's not like a carnival atmosphere. BroCon. Oh, BroCon.

It's not too late, you can get a couple bands in and stuff like that.

That's true, fest it up a little bit.

Fest it up.

There you go. So guys, if any of you have any questions for myself or Mr. Adam here, it doesn't necessarily need to be about the world of infidelity and overcoming infidelity, but that is one of Adam's specialties. We got Mr. Ninja Spam says— Ninja Spam says Bro Fest is fine. Well, thank you, Mr. Ninja Spam. I love the names. It's fine, he says. It's fine. Okay, that's, you know, when your wife says it's fine, it's not really fine, is it?

Yeah, that's not so sure. I just saw a picture— a picture, I mean a message come in.

Mr. Billy Moore from Facebook says, and this is a very good question, and this goes back to— thank you, Billy, for mentioning this because I was going to bring this up. You mentioned, ironically, these major life stressors that bring back the pain of trauma. Yeah, what I, what I have seen is major life stressors that often, if not always, precipitate these affairs. But let's stick with the woman having an affair. What I often hear is, uh, her parent died. And that caused her a great deal of grief, and she had a really difficult time. She went through some— a lot of stress, and then that's when she met so-and-so. In other words, her boundaries came down. Um, she had a breast cancer scare. Um, she lost her job. I lost my job. A lot of stress, and then boom, there we go. And then one of those stressors that I have heard addressed by Mr. Billy here is, do you find most cheating happens after children come into the picture? Is that what you've seen?

Um, yes and no. Um, everything you said, Ralph, I see a lot of, right? Like big life traumatic events that kind of crack us open will— can create that possibility of someone looking to feel better or to soothe or to come back to life. I've not really ever seen a big anything or big upswing in people cheating after they have kids. Now, people that have kids, and let's say the children are older, I do see, right, where the, the female partner has said like, my life, I, I didn't have a life anymore, and the kids and the husband and staying home or whatever. And then I found, right, I see stuff like that, but not like, you know, not too close to just, just having children. Look, at the end of the day, one of the things in the betrayal world is I think most betrayers are always looking for an excuse or a reason why I did it, and sometimes there isn't really one. It just happens, right?

Is it— is it— do you hear from people saying something to the effect of, as the betrayer, I surprised myself, I didn't know I was kind of capable of this until—

yeah, um, I know in my wife's groups and things she tells me that's a lot of it. The women are like Like I was— I think I said earlier, right? I think, I don't know who I am.

I—

this isn't who I am, or I don't know how I could have done that, right? They have to start to understand themselves and their, their own process of who they are.

So interesting. So do we see a lot of folks that enter into that world have somewhat of an identity crisis? They don't know who they are, what they stand for, what their values are?

Yeah, good question. So I think there's two kinds of individuals that will go outside a committed relationship, right? I think there's the one we've kind of been talking about, right, that maybe a traumatic event in their life, or they're bored, or they don't feel seen, and they find— somehow they find that dopamine hit, right? And then it just grows and grows. And then you have other people that just don't know how to do relationships. They have attachment style issues. Um, maybe they weren't nurtured much growing up, or they never felt safe. So their idea of being all in into a relationship, or the belief they need a backup plan, stuff like that. So some of those are more like that deep psychological, how you grew up, right, or how you see relationships. So I see those two as kind of the catalyst for people going outside of relationship.

And how often are you seeing, uh, I know I see this all the time when I ask a guy, tell me about her, Like her background, mom and dad a mess, usually. Yeah, there's usually some mess there. And usually, and her father cheated on mom or vice versa.

I get, man, a lot of that. I would love the statistics on that, but a lot of people who grew up in broken families, or they watched another one of their parents, or they knew something was up, or they saw a lot of fighting, right? Like, we, we just know what we know, right? And so that becomes the norm. Doesn't make it right or wrong, it just is.

So you feel comfortable with a certain level of dysfunction. It feels like sliding into a comfortable glove, you know, if you will. If this woman makes me feel a certain way, I feel comfortable, she must be the one. And then next thing you know, like, oh damn, she's just like my mom who did the following to my dad.

Yeah, totally.

The old imago theory. We have, um, good morning gentlemen, says Louis Louis, uh, from the Is it Guéris Mountains? I believe that is in Portugal. My mom's from Spain, so that's how I know that. Uh, 10 years and now I'm finding— oh, this is Matt. Matt from Facebook says, 10 years and I'm now finding out that we are not compatible in our sex life. Well, it took you a while, Matt. I love this woman and we have a family together. Is sex really that important in a relationship? Will I eventually get over it and don't worry about it anymore? Uh, stuck between a rock and a hard place. You want to take that one, Mr. Adam?

Sure. Um, well, Matt, hi. Really brave of you to say all that, and I know that's really hard. Actually, I will say I was in a pretty sexless, loveless marriage the first time, uh, the one where she cheated on me. Um, I think sex is an important part of a relationship. I don't think it's the only part, but you know, if the stool has four legs, it needs It's got to have all four. And I think it's an important part. And the fact you're asking, I think you know the answer, that it is important, that, you know, that physical intimacy— it's not about the sex, it's about the vulnerability, it's about the connection, it's about the trust. Um, and I'm, you know, I know, like, my, you know, I'm remarried, right?

My—

we have a very healthy and active sex life, and I know that after sex and even before and during, we feel so connected. And it's, it's some, right? You don't— it's not something you should be doing with everyone, right? And it's, it's, it's an important component of the connection and the vulnerability. And I don't know, for you, 10 years, I don't know, can you go another 20, 30, 40, 50? I don't know. You have to decide. A lot of people live in a sexless marriage, and for some people that works. Yeah, for some it does. Yeah, for some people it doesn't. I think a relationship is better if you have healthy sexuality in it.

There is a relatively small, uh, percentage of couples where they are both mutually sexless and/or very low sex, and they're both perfectly cool with it, and there's nothing necessarily quote unquote wrong with them if they're both like, I, I'm a, I'm a once every few months kind of guy, and so is she, and we're cool with that. Oh, then Who are we to say, well, that's weird? No, that's their thing. No, Matt, that's— but Matt, the fact that you're asking this on the interwebs to us shows that it ain't cool with you. And you know what, Matt, you're not weird. In fact, you're in the— you're in the majority of men that would say, yeah, I ain't good as far as low sex. So how important is it to you? It's pretty damn important to most. I think a lot of guys try to convince themselves that it's not, and then a lot of those guys run off to porn and sex workers and become more and more resentful and more and more angry or despondent and depressed. And because they don't want to admit to themselves that that's a really important part of life, and if you rob yourself of it, a lot of not-so-healthy things come as a result. And for a lot of— I'm speaking for myself, not for Adam here— but for a lot of the guys I talk to, it can all be boiled down to, man, I really don't like myself very much. I don't think I'm worth anything better, and I need to go find proof of that. I need somebody to tell me that I'm not worth better, that this is good enough. And it's like You got a lot of work to do up here. So if you're in that headspace, and Billy's question—

Oh, go ahead.

I was going to— Billy says, so stressors reopen inner wounds that haven't been dealt with? Yeah, absolutely. That's, that's what we've seen over and over.

I don't know if Billy's saying that sarcastically or not, because it could say, yeah. Yep.

Yeah, Billy. That's how that works.

Totally, man.

Yeah. And then we have Ninja Spam from—

Ninja. Good question, Ninja.

Curious, from the betrayal perspective, Have you seen people be able to successfully overcome the betrayal and keep the relationship together? And how common is it? If I may take that first, uh, yeah, when you hear me and a lot of my materials say, guys, if you found cheating, just take care of yourself, man, you know, don't go chasing and trying to just take care of yourself, speak to an attorney and those other things, it is from the perspective of a guy who deals with a lot of very anxiously attached men married to very avoidant women, and the woman is resistant to any kind of change, resistant to any kind of vulnerability, resistant to any kind of therapy. And it's really just the guy's just banging his head against the wall for years. And then next thing you know, the wife's on her fifth affair, and everybody's like, dude, what the heck? And the guy's like, well, I, I hear things saying that it's possible to overcome this. It's like, yeah, but at some point you have to, you know, throw your hands up and go, this just ain't gonna happen. That's what I've seen over and over again. But I've Adam, I'm sure there are plenty of people out there, therapists alike, who say, oh, we've seen relationships recover from these and in fact become stronger after this. If that's the case, does there need to be some kind of foundational things in place in order for Ninja Spams of the world to try and predict whether or not to go down that road?

Yeah.

So yeah, first, look, at the end of the day, look, relationships, marriage, It's difficult, right? There's always going to be challenges. And if both— in betrayal, if both partners are willing to do the work, right? And when I say do the work, I mean actually get uncomfortable and go to therapy or a betrayal trauma coach and go on a couples retreat and read all the books and, and do groups for this stuff. You can, you can heal, you can reconcile. I see it happen, like, more than you might even imagine, right? And I think that we usually only hear the stories of the ones that failed. We hear this, right? We guys like to vent and get on chat groups and, and things like Reddit and all that kind of crap, and they, they go at it, right? It's so much easier and fun to vent. And the ones that reconcile, they're not talking about it, right? Because it's such a private, personal thing.

So a lot of people don't talk about this kind of stuff.

Yeah, look, I'll tell you this. Some of the people I've worked with that have reconciled and are deep into it a couple years, they say things to me like, I can't believe this is my marriage. Like, in a good way. I can't believe— like, I never imagined it could be this good. I never imagined, like, the intensity and the love and the sex and the appreciation. And, um, look, we— look, life is hard and we hit road bumps and You know what, you don't throw the baby out with the bathwater, right? And I think when you get past your ego, I think there's some incredible healing, not only for the betrayer, but for the betrayed. Because look, the betrayed has a part in it too, right? Like, you didn't cause your partner to cheat, but you maybe missed some cues, and maybe you didn't show up the best way possible. Maybe you didn't have all the tools. And most guys struggle with feelings and vulnerability and stuff like that. So Um, I'll see it happen, man. And, and those couples, like, they're, they're, they're reaping the rewards from the really hard work. And here's the other part, like I was saying earlier, we were talking about Ralph Brewer, if you don't do the work, even if that marriage or relationship ends and you— I have so many guys like, yeah, it ended and I didn't do anything. And now, back to, to Billy's question, right? Yeah, stressors and all those things crack you back open again. But if you do the work and you heal and you grow You know, odds are it won't happen again, and odds are whoever you choose as your next partner, um, it won't be the same outcome because you're a different person and you're showing up different and you'll attract something different.

And you notice Adam said there several times, guys, do the work, do the work, which means, uh, sticking to our example where the guy is with the woman who cheats, um, she's going to have to be vulnerable and she's going to have to sit in front of somebody and say here's what's going on with me, here's why I think I did what I did, here's stuff that's happened to me in the past, here's my mindset when it comes to our relationship, here's whatever it may be. And for a lot of our ladies out there, that's really difficult because they are that, quote, avoidant, to use the attachment vernacular. And to do that is the antithesis of their whole makeup. They don't like to do that kind of stuff. We got a lot of guys that the women are like, this is what I did, deal with it, um, I did it because of you. And I'm going to keep doing it, and you can't stop me and control me. And they be— and they do that because they know the guy doesn't have the wherewithal, the self-esteem, the self-love to say, I'm not putting up with this, that's, that's terrible, I can't believe you do that to me. So they, that persists for years and years, and that's not good. So if you're in that boat, guys, you deserve better than that. You just don't realize it, and And boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. Yeah, there you go. Do you need to run here?

I have a few. I gotta— oh wow, time.

Yeah, that was fast.

Yeah, I just, yeah, I just have a minute. Yeah, just another minute or two if we have any other questions or anything. I have a flight to catch, so—

oh, you're always flying, busy man.

Tell me about it.

Yeah, where are we headed off to now, if we may ask?

Um, going to Houston, but you know, in a couple months I'm heading to Louisville for Brewfest, baby.

Oh, I'm gonna put this on the end. There you go.

I'm gonna be speaking there. Not sure really yet what I'm gonna be talking about, but I think you better come up with something.

Can't just stand up there and wing it.

I know, I'm just gonna have a t-shirt cannon, Bro Fest t-shirts, and shoot them out to the audience.

And you do that, that'll go well.

An hour and a half of that, that'll be fun.

It, it'll not only be Mr. Adam here, but it's also going to be Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy. So you get to meet— that'll be fun.

That's a fun, awesome dude.

That will be a good guy for you to know. Yeah, definitely.

And I've been— I've hung with him virtually.

And you have?

Okay, cool. Yeah, he's a cool dude.

Very good. And then we have Lauren the Dadvocate, who is— oh, how private is this streamer chat? As Bert— it's not, Bert. This is not private at all. Everyone in the world can see this. Um, but, uh, we have Lauren the Dadvocate, who is a social media presence influencer who has advocated, as her name implies, for father's rights after she remarried. And she went— or remarried, I think, for the first time. Her husband remarried, and she saw all the difficulties he had legally with getting custody of his children and everything else. So she became, became an advocate for dudes, and she has millions and millions of followers. So she'll be joining us. So Lauren, Dr. Glover, Mr. Adam here, myself, and everybody else on the Help for Men team will be at BroFest 2026. Check it out at brofest2026.com. And that will be in Louisville, Kentucky, March 27th and 28th. So that's going to be awesome. So come join us. There you go. If you like bourbon, horses— what else they got going there? Baseball bats, the Louisville Slugger.

Baseball. I toured that place. That place is—

I have too. It's interesting. And they have the, the Muhammad Ali Museum if you like. Yeah, Ali. That's pretty cool.

It's a great downtown.

It is.

It is.

6th Street or no, 4th Street. 6th Street is in—

4th Street.

6th Street is Austin, Texas. That's right.

They both got that. I majored in 6th Street once when I went to the University of Texas.

You—

I'm sorry, you can tell my—

my—

I majored on 6th Street. My grades weren't very good at that time. I was going to the wrong kind of class.

I was just in Austin here not too long ago for my wife, uh, did a little 2-day thing for my birthday there. We went to see a concert, saw Queens of the Stone Age there and hung out and went to a comedy club. And Austin's an awesome town. I loved it.

It is. I love it there. My son lives there now.

The concert we went to was on the campus, University of Texas, and that was an awesome campus. It's like, holy crap, I would love to go here. I mean, they spent some money on that place.

Holy crap, super cool.

Yeah.

Hey, I'm gonna have to head out.

All right, Mr. Adam, sorry.

Thank you so very much.

Good seeing you. We're gonna let Adam go, but I'm gonna hang out here for a few more minutes and take any more questions and anything else you guys may have. But Mr. Adam, thank you so very much, brother. Appreciate you and all you do.

I'll talk to you later, Ralph Brewer Brewer.

All right, brother, have a good one.

Take care, man. Love what you do. Keep doing it. All these men are lucky to have you. Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Safe travels. See you, man. See you.

Bye-bye. All right, all right, guys, it's just you and I now. Hope you're all doing well. Hey, if you could do me a favor before we continue on here, could you guys give me a like wherever it is that you're watching this? Click on the little thumb up thingy. Or however that works, or if you want to share it or whatever. What that does is it tells the Facebooks and the YouTubes and whatever of the world, like, this guy and his stuff is worth sharing for the rest of the world. That helps me out a lot. I notice the numbers go up every time we do one of these, so thank you guys, I appreciate it. Um, again, back to Bert's question on Facebook, how private is the stream or chat? I want to point out something, uh, the Facebook pages, of which I have two One is Dad Starting Over, which is the most popular. I don't know, 250-some thousand people, something like that, on their followers. There's also a page for Help for Men, which is our— let me move my head out of the way behind me here— that's our larger organization, Help for Men. You can learn more at helpformen.com and our brotherhood, helpformen.com/join. Uh, but those are public-facing pages that you see. So any major company has a page. Nike has a page. McDonald's has a page. Walmart has a page. And you can go on all those pages and comment on their posts and say like, Nike sucks. You know, Adidas rules or whatever, and there's nobody really monitoring them. Nobody's keeping certain people out or whatever. That, you know, if you get nasty enough, they'll delete your comment or whatever eventually. But the point is that those pages are public-facing marketing pages, and everyone in the world can see what you're commenting. So I got dudes on there that are like sharing really intimate details and really not so nice things about an ex-wife or a current wife or whatever it may be. And I'm like, guys, do you not realize that the whole world can see this? I think a lot of people are under the impression that a public-facing Facebook page is akin to a group or a group discussion. It's not. We do have private discussion that no one else in the world can see unless you're a member. We do have that online discussion groups. We use a private Facebook group as well as a Discord server for you nerdy video gamey types that love Discord. We have that, and it's all under the Brotherhood. Again, you can see there on my screen. Oh man, I always get this backwards. Oh, okay, hold on. I can't do this. Oh my God, oh my God, I'm, I'm special. help4men.com/join is the website there, so go to that and join the brotherhood. In addition to the forums, we get together and talk on Zoom meetings live, face to face, so to speak, myself and a bunch of dudes. We record all the meetings and you got a catalog of meetings you can listen to from your phone. It's like 1400 hours of said meetings. And in addition, in addition to all my books— speaking of books, this is my latest one. It's called Rebuild: The Complete Guide to Starting Over as a Man. I not only have this, but I also have— can you see behind me? That's a hardcover edition. We got the hard, we got the paperback. It's also an audiobook format. You can find it on Audible. So do a search for Rebuild and Ralph Brewer, or Rebuild and Ralph. You'll probably find it on Amazon, Apple Books, Audible, pretty much all the retailers. As far as I know, you will find it. Uh, it should be on Spotify Premium as well. Uh, the rest of my books are on Spotify Premium, uh, The Dead Bedroom Fix being the most popular one. Here we go. This, this is The Dead Bedroom Fix. This is my most popular book I've ever written, the most popular thing I've ever done, period. Over 300,000 guys have read this thing. And, uh, so I'm very blessed to be able to have something that successful. But that's what brings a lot of people into the world. Um, Ben says it was not clear the difference— oh, Ben! Ben's a member of our group. Dr. Ben. Hello, Mr. Dr. Ben. He says, uh, it was not clear the difference between DSO and HFM and privacy. So I've been creating content under the Dad Starting Over name for like over a decade now. And I've written under that name to keep my anonymity there for a while, while the kids were little. And so a lot of reasons why to do that. I don't want a lot of people knowing who the hell I am. And a lot of guys were telling me, I like what you do under Dad Starting Over, but I'm not a dad. Does this apply to me? I'm not really starting over. I'm still married and I want to stay that way. Does this apply to me? And I'm like, in my mind thinking, well, duh, yeah, a lot of this stuff is very general relationship-oriented, dude-oriented. But then we realized we do need to come up with a brand or something, or a larger organization that is more inclusive. And that's why we came up with Help for Men a couple years ago, help4men.com. And Dad Starting Over is kind of just a content creation brand that I still do work under. We would love to have other content creators kind of orbiting around the Help for Men brand and shuttling people into the Help for Men organization and our brotherhood. But that kind of explains the genesis of all of that. And the privacy thing is just that— that's, you know, as far as, is this Facebook page private? Is this— that's not up to me, it's up to Facebook. And according to Facebook, no, unless you have a private group. And, you know, if you get on YouTube, YouTube now has a community tab where you can make comments. I can post pictures on YouTube in addition to videos, and you go to the community tab, you can see much like a Facebook page feed. Of pictures, comments, pictures, comments. If you comment on one of those, yeah, the world can see it there too. So be careful. Uh, I guess the whole point is, are— is your account tied to your personal name? Like Ben, you have your name. Bert, you have your name. But then we have guys like Ninja Spam. I think he can probably get away with whatever because nobody knows who the hell Ninja Spam is. You catch my drift. So, um, but, uh, Dr. Ben, you're going to be joining us at Bro Fest. In March in Louisville, Kentucky. Look forward to meeting you finally in person. We got a lot of cool stuff going on. I got the books— Rebuild's the latest one. I've been very, very busy on podcasts. I've been a guest on other people's podcasts, so I've been very blessed to have a lot of people invite me on their shows. I just did one yesterday that was awesome called Positive Talk Radio. Uh, let me— pardon me for a moment. I'm going to bring up the, uh, link to that latest podcast appearance. Pardon me, talk amongst yourselves. There we go. I'm going to share, copy and paste this into the chat here to the comments. That's my latest appearance on, um, the Positive Talk Radio. Uh, they reach almost 2 million people a month. That's pretty cool. So just doing what I can to spread the word about our cause, getting better at it, getting more and more, uh, what do you call it, comfortable talking on camera. So I'm chatting with upwards of 5 shows a week, so it's getting pretty busy. It's, you know, I don't want past, past February. I don't, I don't think I have like a couple in March, uh, scheduled. But, um, yeah, keep busy. So if you have a show, you yourself have a show and you want me on it, let me know. Shoot me a message. Uh, you can fire me a message on, uh, Facebook. You can like direct message me on Dad Starting Over Help for Men. You can email me at ralph.b@helpformen.com. Ralph ralph.b as in boy at help4men.com if you want me on your show. Or if you have a show that you like to listen to and you think I would be good, a good guest on their show, let them know. I can't do anything about that. Let them know. Um, don't bother with the Joe Rogans, and I'm not that level yet. I'm not belittling myself. I just have a lot of people saying, have you contacted Joe Rogan yet? I'm like, dude, myself and maybe a million other people a day probably do, to be honest with you. Or The Diary of a CEO or Modern Wisdom, those really big life-oriented talk podcasts. I would— don't get me wrong, I would love to be on it, but it's a little bit too much to shoot for right off the bat. Let's get to some mid-level ones first and then build up the old resume that way. Um, and then we have Ben saying, for those that might be contemplating joining Help for Men the Brotherhood, help4men.com/join. Once you're a member of that group, the discussion forum is private and then can only be seen by other members. Yes, everything under the Help for Men Brotherhood, once you're past the gate, so to speak, and in as a member, everything is private. The Discord server is only for members. The Facebook private community is only for members. The Zoom meetings are only for members, if you catch my drift. So yes, what you say in there is safe. The rest of the world and your ex-wife and brother and sister can't see it. Good point, Dr. Ben. What else I got going? Anybody have any questions before we wrap it up today? I am an open book today. You got me for however long you want me. If not, I'll just go ahead and shut her down and go get me a coffee. Anything— anybody gonna watch, uh, college football? Indiana versus Oregon tonight. That's gonna be an awesome one. Go Hoosiers!

I—

those that don't know, I grew up my childhood in Indiana, rural Indiana, in a little town called Linton, L-I-N-T-O-N, Indiana, pretty much between Terre Haute and Bloomington, Indiana. I grew up about 45 minutes away from the campus of Indiana University. So it— their football team has sucked year after year for generations. So the fact that they're getting to— they're one game away from the national championship is like, what the hell? Totally out of there. At a left field. So it's cool to watch. So I'll be watching that tonight. Go Hoosiers! Um, Eugene checking in, says D Hill. Go Ducks! I tell you what, Oregon, you guys got going for you— best uniforms, best uniforms in college football year after year. Got the whole Nike thing going on there. Uh, we got Billy saying, I hear women talk about men not stepping up to the plate, that they are checked out. What does all this involve? I want to improve myself financially. Well, Billy, you're just all over the place with that question, my friend. I, you know, you have to ask women. I don't know. Yeah, don't, don't— people, men and women both run the risk of kind of, uh, what do you call it, uh, general overgeneralizing the opposite sex. Men all want this, women all want that. No and no. When a woman says, men just don't step up to the plate, you hear that from a woman going, what does that mean exactly? Help me out here. She'll probably say something totally different from the woman right next to her who says the same thing. It's going to vary person to person. What you hear often— let's just put that out there— from women is, um, your more avoidant men don't open up. Your more avoidant men are only concerned with screwing and going to work and eating food and leave them the hell alone. So a lot of women are like, I kind of want to connect at an emotional level with my dude. Some of you guys are listening to this going, really? Yeah, that's pretty common. And we also have some women saying that men don't step up to the plate as far as the domestic logistics stuff of the household. Women tend to be the logistical managers within a marriage. Kids go to the doctor this time, this event go here, we go there. Interestingly, like, when it comes to the purchases involving a fat plan— planning a family vacation, like reserving the Airbnb or the hotel and getting the plane tickets for everybody, 93% of the time— I saw one study said it is the woman doing all of that. So the women tend to be the logistical managers of the family machine. Not always, on average, yes. So a lot of women are like, I just need some help with that, I'm way overwhelmed. And a lot of men's defense, a lot of that stuff that the women take on, they don't need to do, but that's That's for another story, another discussion. But, uh, so maybe you can step up in that way. So I don't know, you have to ask the woman in particular. Hmm, trying to figure out what this channel is about while listening. Must have liked, followed some content in the past, but that made me get the alert for the live stream. Well, very good, Mr. Bert, welcome. Trying to figure out what this is all about. If I had to encapsulate what this is all about, uh, I started all this stuff over a decade ago I went through a nasty divorce. There was infidelity, much like Adam, who was our guest here earlier today. If you missed it, sorry guys. Uh, went through infidelity and all the other stuff, and I became a single father to 3 little kids, hence the name Dad Starting Over. I started writing. One of my books that I wrote took off, again called The Dead Bedroom Fix, my thoughts on sex and marriage and what to do about it. I wrote that after my divorce was final, after I got a new girlfriend, and I had a lot of new thoughts about Uh, the old bedroom activity in, in marriage and what I saw guys online and guys that I was talking to. By that time I was doing one-on-one chats with guys dealing with divorce and marriage issues and everything else, and what I learned from them and wrote a book about it. And then since then I've learned more and more, and I have a third edition of the book just came out last year, so check it out, Dead Bedroom Fix. You can go to deadbedroomfix.com and, um So a lot of my material revolves around that. And then we have some material on divorce, infidelity. We talk about finances, fitness, just all the stuff that dudes do to become a better dude, maybe a better husband, maybe a guy starting over after marriage, whatever. Um, we have Mr. T Hill saying, let's be honest, Ralph, they— I, you mean women— are usually control freaks about that stuff. Some are, sure. My ex would complain about having to do all the planning but would question every decision I make if I tried. And that's usually— yeah, a lot of women have control issues. And when you look at that and go, why, why do they want to just take the reins of everything? Why are they like, you know, you go to pick up something to help and she's like, put that down, I got it, don't, don't, you're gonna do it wrong, just don't do it. You're like, all right, fine. And then they complain like you don't help. You're like, what the hell? A lot of that is rooted in anxiety. If you're a very anxious person and you're looking for ways to absolve or resolve that anxiety and to make yourself feel better, you could go grab a bottle of wine and drink that down and get another one. Some women do that, some men do that. We could, um, you could run off and do all kinds of not-so-good things. You could go to the gym for a couple hours, you go for a walk, you could talk to your friend.. Or you could try to control everything. If I do it, then I know it's going to get done and it's going to get done right, and that will make things feel better. Um, I'll make the dinner because I know the way the kids like it. I know the good way to do it. Every time my husband does it, he burns the chicken. Let's just stop, dude. I know you're trying, but just leave it. I can do it. Just the thought of you messing up— uh, any kind of therapist or whatever will tell that woman You gotta let the leash go, dude. Woman, not dude. You gotta let the leash go a little bit. He's gonna mess up, that's fine. It's not the end of the world. So what? Or he's not going to do it to your standard. He's not going to do it to the exact way you want it done. That's your problem, not his problem. You gotta let the leash go. And that means your kids, your co-workers, your husband, whatever it may mean— may mean to you. Um, to maybe help, um, relate to that, a lot of men that run their own business, for example, like myself, one of the toughest things is to let go of doing all the little things in your business. Maybe you put like all the tasks of your business down on paper. I do this thing, this thing, this thing, and then you're like, what are things I can outsource here that aren't so important? You're like, I guess I could have— I could pay somebody there for their time to do this, but I'm worried they won't do it right. I'm worried that I'm the only one who'll be able to do it 100%, which is BS. But that's something like every entrepreneur faces. If I, if, if I do it, I know it's going to get done right, and that puts me at ease. And I know I can trust myself to do it because I know the process is involved, and there's a— there's some nuanced stuff here that It's hard to put on paper, so it's all those little intricate things. I know how to do it, so just let me do it. I read a book, I think it was called Buy Back Your Time, can't remember, and one of the tenets of the book was basically have somebody else do the thing, whatever the thing is. They may do it 80% of the way, they may fall short 20%, but them doing it and doing 80% of it is better than you doing 100% because that frees you up to do other things. It takes some stress off of you, allows you to do some more money-making things maybe, or whatever. It allows you to concentrate on other things. Sure, they may mess up every now and then, but same thing, you gotta let the leash go, man. You got to, uh, you have to trust them, and then that's how they get better at it. And then eventually they get to doing 100% of the way. Um, Uh, then we have D Hill saying, there are all sorts of things that I would never want her to do, and I would definitely double-check her work on it, but I wouldn't complain that I always have to mow and edge the lawn, for example. Well, you're different in that way. She's a complainer. She's a whiner. Sometimes the simplest solutions are the— yeah, your woman whines a lot. She's a whiner. She's a complainer. And it's annoying. And maybe you need to tell her, don't do that so much, um, it's annoying. Whoa, can't do that? Sure you can. Much like she would tell you, you know, you fart and burp and do all this stuff, it's annoying. Yeah, I know, you're right, my bad, I'll cut back on it. And yeah, you whining and complaining about everything all the time that you're doing, that's annoying as well. Do you want me to help or not? Because I'm here to help. And if you don't want help, then There's whining and complaining. You're gonna get nothing done, sister. It's just annoying the shit out of me and frankly everyone else around you. So you could do better than that. That's called being an adult. And, uh, all the drama that will ensue— yeah, you won't die, you'll be fine. So many people, so many men that I talk to are scared to death of their women. I can't stand the anxiety, I can't stand the drama, I can't— you need to learn to deal with that conflict. Don't be so conflict-averse. That's a Good way of destroying a relationship in a hurry. Well, ladies and germs, it's been over an hour according to my little timer here, but I thank you all so very much for joining me today. If you are a man, please do me a big fat stinking favor and check out the Brotherhood, help4men.com/join. In fact, I'll tell you what, we do have an offer. You can try it out free for a month, the Brotherhood. How's that? And no obligation to join afterward. I believe this will get you there. I'm putting it in the, in the chat there, in the comments. help4men.com/free-month. And that will give you 1 month free entry into the brotherhood, and you can check it out. If you're like most, you'll stay. And if you're like most of those guys, what you'll do is end up saying, I'll just pay you 1 lump sum and I'm a lifetime member. And then all the new stuff that comes, you don't have to worry about paying month to month, a little monthly payment. You just get 1 and done. That's what almost 70% of our membership does. That's pretty good. It says a lot about us. We're a very good, no bullshit, no nonsense men's group, mentorship group, whatever you want to call it, support community for dudes that want to get better. I'm not going to blow smoke up your butt. I'm not going to try and sell you an $18,000 boot camp, at least not yet. I don't see that coming, but you never know. That's the common thing in our little world, trying to get guys that are hurting and get them to pay tens of thousands of dollars for things that won't make them any better. That's not us. Couldn't look at myself in the mirror if I did that. There are plenty of groups that do do that, I've— so I've heard. And we're also not one of those groups that is going to tell you that everything on the planet Earth is your fault, that if you just spend more money and try harder and grovel and, and, and— what's the word I'm looking for— belittle yourself even further, that every— all the problems will be solved. There is one group in particular that I will not mention that we keep getting members from their group come over, and the stories I'm hearing are outrageously terrible. And basically what it is is a group that preys upon the codependency of men, telling them that they're at fault, they're weak, and if they— the fact that their wife cheated on them is because they're weak and they need to befriend the affair partner. I am not bullshitting you. And the fact that my wife has spent all my money and has cheated for the fifth time, that just means you need to man up more and you need to prove to that woman that you're more a man worthy of her affection and love. And it's like, I don't care how you swing it or how you brand it, that is awful. That's not us. If you want that, they're out there, you can find them, but that's not our group. Our group is, um, we normal dudes trying to help other dudes lead normal lives, healthy lives, productive lives, happy lives, God forbid, a life of joy. So check it out, thebrotherhoodhelp4men.com/join. All right, once again, guys, thank you all so very much. I appreciate each and every one of you. Thank you for joining me. What— oh, we do— we have coming up here, we got, um, another live stream coming up. Yes, I do. We got, um— oh, next week will be a good one. Uh, next Friday, same time, Miss Melissa Vogel will be joining us. Melissa is a fitness professional, a podcaster who runs a podcast called Bomb Life. I was on her podcast and we hit it off, really good conversation. Uh, for— thanks to those of you who came to me via that podcast, got a lot of attention on that one. And she is a divorced woman who filed for divorce from her husband, and she's very familiar with the world of people going through life changes, transitions, getting into whole really good shape and dumping their spouse. We talked all about that. So let's talk about it with Miss Melissa, she said she's an open book, and we're going to talk all about that. So that will be an interesting conversation. So bring your questions for that. That'll be same time next week, a week from today. All right guys, once again, thank you so much. Appreciate all of you. Catch you on the next one.