Chat LIVE with Ralph (DSO) and Dave Rossi!

Chat with Ralph, it's the place to be. Bald as the moon but full of tea. Divorce debates and cheating confessions. Sexless nights and awkward questions. Oh, Chat with Ralph, it's a laugh and a half. Grab a seat, tune in for the gaffs. Bald and bold, spilling the truth. Get ready folks, here's your proof. Got no hair but I got the flair. Marriage drama, we lay it bare.

Infidelity, it's a spicy stew.

Pour a cup, let's talk it through. So join the fun, don't miss a thing.

Chat with Ralph Brewer, secrets swing.

Bald is beautiful, and that's a fact. Now hit that stream, it's time to act!

All right, welcome everyone. I told you it was good.

Oh, I love it. I love the, uh, the flair. You have the flair.

There you go. Yeah, I was telling Dave before we got started here, I guess, like, get ready for this AI-produced jingle here. It went a little crazy, but I think it's fun.

Oh, it's great. No, I love it. No, no, it's a great job, Ralph.

But while that was going on, I actually had some— if you— I don't know if you've ever used StreamYard or any similar service to this— every now and then, uh, it just doesn't work with connecting to all the different accounts. It came up immediately and said, sorry Facebook's not working. You need to delete it and re-add it. So while that was going on, so some of you guys on Facebook didn't get to appreciate the full jingle. Sorry about that. I know your whole day is ruined, but we are here live. We are on two different Facebook accounts, a couple of different YouTube accounts, and on an X account. So we have, uh, we'll have a handful of people that will join us live here. Looks like they're starting to file in a little bit here, but most of the people have hundreds if not thousands— hey, sometimes even millions— see little clips of us later. So hello world, thank you for joining us here today. Do appreciate it. If you could, when you get in here, give me a like. That always helps. That tells the Facebooks and everybody in the world that this is worth— other people should see this. So thank you. You know how, guys, you know how it works. But with me today is the lovely and talented Dave. How are you today, sir?

I'm well, Ralph. Thank you so much, and I appreciate the introduction.

You're very welcome. I mean, except for the awesome head of hair, which I'm very jealous.

I'm telling you, I'm very thankful and very grateful. Not that there's anything wrong with with being bald because I think it's a very masculine look and I love it. It's a great look. But you know, we were given our talents and we stick with them.

There you go. Very good. But hey, tell us, who are you?

What are you doing? So I'm a recovered divorced business crashed individual that's hit the reset button, started over. I run a luxury construction, luxury high-end home construction business. Business. And when I got divorced, I didn't just get divorced, my life imploded. And so I decided to write a book because of the tunnel that I had to get through, the mountain I had to climb back on top of from falling, losing my house that I built and my business. You know, I had 130 employees and my ex-wife said, I said, I'll buy your half. She said, it's not for sale. I said, buy my half. I'm not buying. I said, okay, goodbye, shut it down. So I literally shut the whole thing down, walked away.

Wow.

And, and hit start over. And so, um, I wrote a book. So I'm an author. I, I help people because I learned a lot. I want to get— I was a little bit upset of what information was out there that I never had that would have helped my life a lot. And I realized this information is out there and it's not that available. So I, I wrote books to make it available. And so I build houses and I help men. There you go. Simple as that.

That is awesome. Very cool. I love it. And a lot of guys listening to your story can relate.

Yes, definitely. I mean, somebody asked him once, they said, how do you, how do you get divorced and lose all that? Like, how does that look like? What, what, what do you do to actually put yourself in that position? And, and, you know, that's an interesting answer to that question, but also, um, the question of what led to me getting to that point of leaving a 17-year marriage with 3 kids, 4 houses, 2 boats, 2 dogs. Two buildings of his.

But he was counting, right?

But he was counting, right? Um, so that, that was that— that what led to that was actually an interesting story as well. Would you share, if you don't mind? Well, I'll dive right into it. You know, um, I think, I think an underrated, um, thing in marriage is happiness. And I think that happiness can look lots of different ways. And I think the second you expect your wife to make you happy, you're kind of in trouble. The second you think your, your job is supposed to make you happy, you're in trouble. The second you outsource happiness to anything other than yourself, you're kind of in trouble. And so I realized that I wasn't happy inside and I wasn't happy outside. And when I became happy inside is when I said, I don't need to settle anymore. There was a great quote in a book, The Death of Ivan Ilyich. By Leo Tolstoy. And Ivan was a judge. His wife pushed him to be a judge. His family pushed him to be a judge. He decided to become a judge because it made money and it was a high-profile job. But he always wanted to be a musician. And so he kept on pontificating about what life would have been had he been a musician. And on his deathbed, after this miserable life that I connected with being— you know, I was married for 17 years, 16 and a half were miserable. And this quote hit me so hard. He said on his deathbed, "What if I lived my whole life wrong? And I realized I was living my whole life wrong. I was in the wrong business. I didn't love this business. I started with my wife at the time. I didn't really love her. I'm in the wrong life. And then I realized that every single second I'm in the wrong life is a second I'm not actually on the right life." And so literally I went, and then another phrase was, "Don't fear the outcome." I learned that in a book, don't fear the outcome. And I realized I was stuck in this marriage for so long because I was afraid of the outcome. And that was driving my choice, not happiness, not a fulfilling life, not being in the right life. And literally I went downstairs and I said, hey, I need to tell you that I can't confirm this marriage is gonna work out any longer.

Wow.

Yeah, right there, just boom, just walked downstairs and said, you know, and I took a year and went to therapy to make sure that my decisions were grounded, that I wasn't in a depressed state, that I was making these choices through clarity. I was very, very methodical. I said, this is likely not gonna work, but I'll definitely look at it more sincerely. And I knew it was gonna end, but I did, I was prudent, but literally like I walked downstairs and I said, and I'm serious, this is, I'm done.

Wow.

Now, a word that comes to mind or a phrase that comes to mind rather is midlife crisis. Yes.

I wanted to make sure it wasn't that. I was 40, you know, 46, and I wanted to make sure it wasn't a midlife crisis. And, and, you know, truth be told, it was a big life. You know, we had this boat, this lake house on the, on the river and the Delta, and we had two boats and we, we drive out there on weekends with our kids and we take them boating and water skiing and wakeboarding and wake surfing, all these things. And then we had a house up in the mountains we'd go to up in, up in Oregon, you know, it was kind of a vacation place. And then we had a house in Michigan where our son was in boarding school for music and we'd go. And so it was a big life. We own this business together, and I legitimately realized that it would be better for my kids had I left. I was a worse father, uh, being married to a toxic, um, maybe quasi-alcoholic wife, you know, closet alcoholic, that it would be better for my kids if I leave. And the outcome to live the life I'm meant to live was better than hobbling along in a life that I knew deep down inside was wrong. And I think, I think that's kind of where I, I think that's kind of where the rubber hits the road, is your mind could rationalize and convince you to do a lot of things that aren't right. But I knew to my core that being in this relationship was not right. And I didn't— I separated midlife crisis from what I knew to be true, my intuitive sense. And I really vetted it. I didn't just rationally say, you know, get divorced, you know. Um, but I think when you really, really know, you have to act on it. And I've taken that back into business. I started a new business. And when I knew an employee was wrong, you know, you gotta do the tough things. You need to say the tough things. You gotta step into the tough things and do them. And that's where not being afraid of the outcome became kind of a guiding principle for anything. Just, I need to do this and I'm gonna do it.

So what is it about you in your past that caused you— if it's the proper way to phrase it— to stay within a life that was so antithetical to who you were deep down inside?

Well, I think, you know, that's a really great topic because it's a lot about what Alpha's Diet really is about, is that I had an identity, I had a persona, I had a mask, and that mask was created through my experience with my mom and my dad. And, and, you know, and masculinity is a mask. We, we have to act the way society tells us we should act as a man. So part of not leaving was, am I a man if I lose everything? Okay, I'll stay because I really can't stand not being a real man if I lose everything. Like, what would that make me if I got divorced and lost everything? So, you know, why I stayed was a lot to do with my programming from my parents. My parents met in high school. They put a lot of effort into their marriage. They were great, great parents. But that carried over into me and I was living a script that wasn't mine. I didn't choose that script and I made a mistake in this choice. I shouldn't say mistake because I learned a lot and I have no regrets and it's one of my greatest teachers of all times. But I did make a choice that wasn't conducive for me as the bird. You know, I always talk about a peacock wears his feathers, right? The feathers is the veneer. It's the persona we portray to the world and masculinity and family and success and your local cultural conditioning are these feathers. And so I threw my feathers out there and my feathers got married. And then I'm looking back and I'm the bird being left behind. All the things that meant something to me did not get picked up, did not get instituted in life. And so I was left behind, but my veneer was doing very well. My persona was doing great. It had all these trappings of what a successful person looked like, but the bird really suffered. I was unhappy. I was 50 pounds overweight. I had a heart condition. I was on high blood pressure medication. It was kind of a disaster. Yeah.

It's funny when you, when you revolt against who you really are, it's like your body gives you all the clues, doesn't it? And there's so many guys that I talk to that live with a great deal of stress and anxiety, and we have like autoimmune issues and all kinds of things. And then when they leave a toxic relationship, they're like, I'll be damned.

Well, no, you know, it's funny is I used to I got this little ingrown hairs in my neck when I was married, like all the time. Interesting. I haven't had one since. Like all these things, like it's super—

Yeah. Yeah.

It's, you know, I lost a lot of weight kind of naturally. I mean, I did work on it a little bit. I just stopped eating bad food, which was easier when I was happier to eat right food. I mean, when you're stressed, and I do think stress is a choice and that's kind of a loaded phrase that people don't like to hear. And anxiety is a choice. I don't mean a choice moment to moment, but it's a long-term choice to stay in those states. And I think when you aren't stressed and you are internally happy, and that's a very important thing to distinguish. Internal happiness means that you don't need something external. So when I don't need food for pleasure, I can make better choices. When I don't— when I take accountability for the fact that I was in this marriage, I chose to be there. I can't blame her. I can't blame anybody. I was there. That accountability began to loosen the anxiety and loosen the stress because it said I do have the ability to steer my own life without being subject to somebody else's life. And that's a big step to get to hurt people. You have to hurt people if you're going to live your life. You will hurt people, end of story.

Yeah, exactly right. That's tough. You're hitting all the high points. I talk about this stuff all the time.

Good for you. Good job, Ralph Brewer.

The ultimate responsibility in all this, um, which can go too far. We have some guys that are very codependent in nature. And so they're in very abusive relationships, very toxic relationships, and they hear me and others say ultimate responsibility, and they're like, yeah, you're right, I am responsible for all this pain and suffering that I'm enduring.

I just need to work harder and stay at this marriage and keep going.

And they can keep at that for years and years and years. So there's a delicate balancing act here of ultimate responsibility can also mean, you know, you gotta step away from a situation. No one's holding a gun to your head telling you to be in this.

Yeah, no, I, I would have been called a codependent in my marriage. My mom was a codependent. Um, she was a daughter of an alcoholic mother. I would have been called codependent. I, you know, when I first started seeing my therapist, he said, do you know that all the analogies you use are slave and master? You talk about, you said you felt like, uh, the dog getting the, the duck hunting dog getting the dead bird and your wife is the one shooting the birds. If you use all these analogies related, I'm like, I never thought about that. And then he would, you know, as a good therapist, he was recognizing the words I was using as a continuation of my belief structure, because your words are a continuation of what you believe. So I would have been called codependent. So many of the things that I did were not comfortable for me. They were not the things I was used to. It was not the persona that I was familiar with. And Alpha Style Early is 100% about removing all of the personas that force you locked into behaviors that don't help your life. You got to get rid of a script. And, and, and the hard part is you don't even realize how many scripts you run until you break free of them and look in. And then I looked at myself and says, wow, Dave, you— what, why did you do that? And I could look at myself and think, I know exactly why you did that. You did that because you're afraid of not being a man. I know exactly why you do that. You're afraid of not being accepted. I know exactly why you did that. You did that 'cause you're afraid of not getting love. And when you step out of that, you can observe it and you can make a lot better choices in your life.

But that stepping outside and taking a good look at yourself, that's tough. A lot of people have zero time for it. They feel they're just so busy. They're caught in the life machine is what I often call it. Yeah. Work, work, work, kids, kids, kids, da da da. Who has time to sit down and go, why did I do that just now? Why am I feeling so anxious right now? What's going on with me? That's a pretty rare thing these days it seems, especially amongst guys.

I think it was, you know, I would go up behind my house and I would literally go hiking. I lived up in the hills and I would legitimately just sit and cry. I would just sit there and bawl. And sometimes I like to walk in the rain because it was more kind of connected to nature. And then I would kind of connect with the whole Shawshank Redemption thing with the guy standing in the rain pouring down, you know, and I've just said, I can't believe my life is so effed up. And I'd say, okay, I need to accept that my life is effed up. Right now. I relied a lot on Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning. And I said, if that guy made it through Auschwitz, like, okay, I have a really mean wife, a really toxic wife, and I put myself here as a codependent, but at least I'm not getting hit by German guards with rifles and starving and naked. And if I make the wrong step, I'm dead. Like, I'm so happy I'm not that guy. And so reading that book gave me a lot of comparison to my problems really weren't that bad. Relatively speaking. I mean, they created a lot of tears, a lot of pain, a lot, a lot, a lot of pain. And then, you know, I realized that suffering kind of helps because suffering tells you or teaches you that you really don't need to suffer. And, and you kind of suffer as long as you need to suffer until you realize that you don't need to suffer. And so all that anxiety, all that pain, all of that fear Fear of losing my life. I literally had $16 in my bank account after making half a million dollars a year in this construction business to her taking all of the money and shutting the business down. And then the bank that secured the debt against the business foreclosed on our primary residence. That was painful. Lawsuits from unions, lawsuits from clients, lawsuits from vendors. It was pretty rough stuff. But I can't tell you how happy I am that I'm living on the right train, the right life. And I know that intuitively. And if I do feel anxiety, or I do feel fear, or I do feel stress, or I do feel something, I instantly start processing, okay, what's creating this? Am I off the track? Am I, am I making a mistake somewhere? It's not that I am, it's that I process the information because my body is, is reacting to information that it senses, and my conscious mind accesses information much, much slower rate. So if I have an emotion, I know there's something that's escaped my conscious mind. And you have to accept and deal with those emotions. Not that the emotions are real, because the emotions are based on, you know, belief structure and data. And we interpret data incorrectly at times. And so I began to really focus on those, those emotions to see what I'm missing even now, to always keep my life on the right path.

Very good.

Excellent. And I put a link in the, in the comments here in the chat. You guys on YouTube, check it out. I put a link to your book, which is called Alpha Alphas Die Early for the Man on a Mission and the Women Who Love Him. Interesting. So let's talk about— this is a loaded term these days, especially amongst my audience, the alpha thing. Yeah, different ways of interpreting that. The most basic is like you're ultra masculine, over the top, what we as a society think of as a masculine, manly man who performs financially and he has a high status. And as far as the male hierarchy is concerned, he's at the tippy top of the pyramid there. In terms of sex and romance, he's probably getting a lot, you know, that guy. But there's some not so good stuff that comes with that. You and I were talking before we got on here live that we see often with guys post-divorce. For example, we have a lot of guys that were in very codependent relationships and they played the part of Mr. Nice Guy their whole life. Zero boundaries. Yes, dear. Whatever you say, dear. They let everybody else dictate their life. And they go through the divorce, they lose a lot of money, blah, blah, blah. They're like, 'F all you people, I'm gonna swing the pendulum all the way over here and I'm gonna be over-the-top alpha male, tough guy. If it's got two boobs and a heartbeat, I'm gonna sleep with it. If it's— F all you people, I don't care what everybody thinks.' And they have their fun, and then somewhere along the line they go, 'What am I doing? This is, this is nuts.' Something chaotic happens, something crazy. They get with the wrong person, whatever it is, and they're like, 'This ain't me.' Yeah. And then they kind of swing the pendulum back and forth between nice guy, a-hole. What they're missing through that whole process is, who the hell am I? What do I stand for? What am I? What is my identity? What are my values? I've written about it and you have too. And I think that's kind of what this book Alphas Die Early addresses. You want to tell us more about that?

Yeah, well, you know, we are all predestined to be alphas. It's just in our DNA. Darwinian survival of the fittest. But we're not animals anymore. Hater baker tea. I mean, we're all animal kingdom, but we do have cognition. And so, We do have an animal script running in our brain. We do have a reptilian brain that's 2 million years old, um, our amygdala. And just like two rams butt heads and they smash, or 800-pound gorillas, the biggest gorilla, or the peacock with the brightest feathers gets the girl, we are and have that in us. If you cannot disconnect from being an animal, then you're an animal. And I don't mean that in any insulting way, because, because a lot of women are the same way. And so women fall prey to alphas as well. They can be attracted to an alpha because it looks like the fittest to them as well, in an animalistic state. So if any woman is going to fall for an alpha, uh, presentation— and it's not that the alpha is strong, it's not that the alpha is powerful, it's not that the alpha is performative, It's that he looks that way. And so a woman falls for that. Now, any woman— when I started dating, if anyone was gonna fall for a veneer, I don't want them because they're gonna fall for the feathers, not, not the bird. And so I would assess when I got back in the dating pool, if anybody can't look at me honestly and get to know me for me, then it's not a real relationship. I don't want two veneers dating each other because if I, if I put my feathers first and my feathers are talking to her and she wants an alpha and and, okay, I started a new business and I'm making money again, and I have, you know, a great head of hair or something, and they're like, hey, this is an alpha. I don't want that because they're not getting past the veneer to know me. And so, a man's desire to be an alpha is ingrained. It is biological, but it is also rewarded in society. But none of those things actually make your life better. And that's the trip, that the trip The trick, and that's the trap, is that because society rewards this bravado and this performance, even the appearance, the appearance of it. Mm-hmm. And another one says, hey, that's a ram with big horns. That's a peacock with bright feathers. So we go emulate that. So Alpha Style really is about exactly what you said, finding yourself, but yourself cannot be copied. You can't copy, you can't emulate, you can't pretend, you can't veneer, you can't create. I don't care how creative you want to get, you is you. And a lot of people that say, I want to find me, begin to see which peacock or alpha works the best for them. That's also a nuance you don't want to get into. You is you removed of everything. And that is a very dark place to get to. And when you're there, it is the most illuminating, enlightened happy, stable, confident, you can be vulnerable at the wood, you can share emotion, you're not afraid, you're not playing the game of hierarchy, you're not trying to become anything. And if someone can't see me for me, and sometimes that me is, you know, rough, it is not copacetic, it isn't always following into line. I can say, no, my values, I don't want to go there, I don't want to do that. And I think that's hard to do at times. And It's an important step to make in life to get away from that, that alpha, that. And, and men are doing badly because what, what the definition of an alpha is today is very confusing, especially for young men. Is it Obama? Wait a minute, he's not president. Oh, is it Trump? Okay, very opposite personalities. Well, who's an alpha? Well, when Obama was president and he was in power, he was an alpha. In a way. He was mature. He was well-spoken. He was intelligent. He was respectful. OK, but he's not winning. Trump is winning. And he's telling us how he's winning. And he's got bravado. And he's no apologies, unapologetic. And he's winning. People are— even though he's crude and rude, it's still winning. Is that the new peacock I need to behave like? And so that makes it very difficult, is that today, the definitions of alpha move so quickly. —because of we're not animals. Is it money? Is it abs? Is it success? Is it bravado? Is it—

whatever it is.

Is it sex appeal? Is it height? Is it, you know, being funny? And all these things are very, very confusing. And the only place to go, and I call it the Omega Man, is the Omega is the last. It's the last mask. It's just be yourself.

I love it. Very good. We have a comment here from— I'm going to put it up on the screen. From Mr. Ninja Spam— that's a good name— I just saw a clip that said, quote, the truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off. Would you say that was your experience as you were going through your discovery?

Oh yes, a lot of things pissed me off. Um, the first thing that pissed me off is that all this information was available and no one taught it to me. I was really pissed off. I read a lot of books. Like, I didn't read— I was like, you know, the football player in college and contractor, you know, commercial construction. I was like, you know, hard hat kind of guy, backpacking. And I was really pissed off. I, you know, I tried so hard. I had so many talents and skills and, and a great education, and I failed so miserably because I was in the wrong life. You cannot make the right— the wrong life work. Sorry. At some point it's going to crash. You can look at a lot of famous people who've made a lot of money and married the wrong woman or had the wrong career. It collapses. It just does. And if you are in the wrong life and you are successful, take the money off the table and then get back on the right life. I mean, I think the biggest thing that pissed me off is that I steered my life in the wrong place and no one told me. And this stuff was always out there. And then the second thing that pissed me off is how hard it is to find truth. And that it's kind of like hunting for a treasure, like the treasure map. You have to go through the waterfall and then into the cave and then, you go through all the sludge and all of a sudden at the other end of all of this effort, there is this treasure. And I can tell you there is treasure. And oftentimes you want to quit because it's hard and it pisses you off that it has to be so hard. And the hardness is basically your thoughts. The waterfall you need to walk under is your thoughts, your fears, your anxieties, your stresses. The sludge you need to walk through in the mud is how you perceive yourself and the insecurity that comes with saying I failed and my business failed and I couldn't make payroll and I'm losing my house. You know, that is the sludge you have to get through. And to come to that realization, that accountability, that really hurts because it's really easy to avoid. It's really easy to say, you know, it was her fault and this is just a condition that I chose. But that still kind of obfuscates reality that ultimately I'm accountable to. I'm involved in I got myself there and I did fail. And it's okay to say that I failed. And to have that vulnerability takes strength and it takes strength to walk through that mud. And that's to be vulnerable and to express that defenselessness where you feel like everyone's going to kick you. That's the animal side. You know, I'm a defenseless bird that everyone's going to kick on and then eat. You know, that's the animal side of us. Um, so yeah, I believe a lot. And then the other side of all this sludge is truth. And the truth is I am who I am, void of everything. I am who I am with nothing. I am who I am with no money, with no house, with no business, with no wife. I'm still me.

And you have value.

Yes, great, Ralph. Perfect. Yeah, because so many people—

there is a predominant thought of, uh, guys, get over yourselves. You have no value unless you provide something to the rest of us. Just because you're human and you breathe air doesn't mean you're worth anything. F you, dude. I make a million bazillion dollars. I screwed 100 women. I have more value than you. Sorry, I win. It's like, that's not a good message to get out there to the guys that are struggling.

Yeah. And I think the guys that are struggling, you know, um, I, I've been dealing with this with my— I got remarried last year and, um, valuation's important. Thank you. Valuation's an important thing for women as well, much more than men. Um, men, it's on the success scale. It's on the 800-pound gorilla, you know, ram with big horns and peacock with big feathers scale. Um, you know, you're still a peacock whether your feathers are up or not. Okay, we're not animals. And, and Viktor Frankl again had a lot to do with this for me, is that, you know, maybe you don't feel like a man inside yourself at that moment, but that doesn't mean that's the way it's going to be forever. And if you start manufacturing value, it's not real value. Real value is grounded and strong and undisruptible and incorruptible And you're so vulnerable that you're invulnerable, that nothing can hurt you because you're so comfortable saying, yeah, I sucked. Like, I got really fucked up. Like, seriously, like, yeah, I couldn't make payroll and I have to admit that. And I know mistakes I made. And when I dated, I said to myself, I'm never going to make the same mistakes again, because if I do, I didn't honor the pain that I went through. And it's very easy to get back into and say, okay, well, I'll just date this woman, even though I know she's wrong. Wait a minute, that's what I did for 17 years. Why would I do that again? You know, this isn't gonna work out. Thank you so much. I'm so happy to meet you. And this isn't gonna work out. And that is a little harder. Oh yeah. But it was honest. And if I didn't do that, I wasn't honoring my pain. I wasn't honoring my lesson. And it says you didn't get hurt enough. You didn't get thrown in the back of a car and dragged long enough if you still are gonna make the same mistakes. And you don't have to go through this kind of pain to learn these lessons. I mean, your show, what you're all about is helping people see these things before you get thrown outta the truck. Dragged across the road. So yeah, no, everyone has value. You know, I always say if a bomb blew up in a restaurant and the president was in the same restaurant and a bum was outside, the EMTs would help everybody the same. They would not be able to see who's who. Nobody has any value. Everybody's the same. And the second you believe that, and I mean really, really believe that value is a manufactured thing from another man trying to be an alpha to be bigger than me on the animal scale. That's just the way animals are. Break out of the animal part of, of humanity, of Homo sapiens. We have cognition. Don't let them compete with you because you're not going to compete with them. Just drop it. Just, yeah, believe it.

And there— but there are plenty, as you know, of people out there that are taking advantage of the codependent guy and really poking at him, saying, you know, you feel deficient here, don't you? You feel less than here, don't you? You know what you need to do is you need to pay me $10,000, $20,000, and I'll teach you how to be a Here we go, alpha male. I'll teach you how to, how to be better than the rest and raise in the hierarchy. There was the— here we say, I pick on them a lot because it was so ridiculous. It went kind of viral here several months back that there was a boot camp for men where you would pay $18,000, mind you. I believe it was a week or two, I don't want to lie. And it was, it was in essence a quasi-military thing where you went through a boot camp and they screamed at you, yelled at you, drug your face in the dirt, and it's like, are you a man now? Type of thing. And it's a lot of guys who never went through like a real rite of passage as a kid. Some of them was really missing in their life, or really missing a good master in their life or something. And so they took the over-the-top approach of, I just need to go have somebody yell at me and treat me like shit for a couple weeks, and everything will be better, right? And I think a lot of those guys, after putting the $18 grand on their credit card, said, oops.

Yeah, you know, all I can say is the answers to every man are inside. You cannot solve an inner value problem with something from the outside. You cannot solve an inner happiness problem from something external. You can't take a Ferrari and shove it in your psyche, in your brain, and all of a sudden have inner confidence. Inner confidence is basically saying there's no such thing as confidence because it doesn't exist. There's no such thing as valuation. If you give the scale merit, which again, everyone's operating from a different scale, right? To judge you have to do two things. You have to have a scale, and you have to compare what you're looking at to the scale. Okay, so when someone says, 'I don't have confidence,' they're instantly assessing their own scale that's subconscious. That scale that they're applying is their childhood, their programming, you know, things around them, the societal expectations. So, so it's an unwritten scale that only you have, and it's not like When we talked before this podcast, Ralph, I said, hey Ralph, what is your confidence scale? I'm gonna see if your confidence scale matches my confidence scale. Like, what's your definition of confidence and what, what, what are the hierarchies so I can make sure I'm confident on your podcast? There's no such thing. There's no universal scale. So drop it. Everyone has the ultimate level of confidence without even thinking about it. And what that looks like is choice. If you have the power to make the choice you need to make, and a lot of people need confidence to make that choice. Right? And that's okay. You can use those. It's not like zero or one. There's a scale. You have to start, and sometimes you need aids to get to yourself on the internal. Like, I was talking to a guy who said his friend used jiu-jitsu to become confident, and then all of a sudden he became confident because he felt like he was tougher. Even though it was kind of behind the scenes, he walked through life with a higher level of safety. Um, so that was an aid to give him confidence. You, you really don't even need that. That's just something that helped him, but ultimately he believed that it worked. And because he believed that, he had confidence. He's not fighting anybody, but, but inside he felt his confidence. And I think, I think when you go to a boot camp like that, you're, you're pretty desperate. And I think you need to look inward. You need to legitimately become very honest with yourself. You need to start sorting reality through bullshit in your mind— rationalization, sabotaging voices, limitations, a belief structure that doesn't work— and start changing what you believe. Start changing what you believe about yourself. And, and that takes practice. And, and it doesn't say like you look in the mirror and say, hey, I'm great. What it looks like is you look in the mirror every day for a year and you say it a thousand times: I have value. It's not just once. I can't tell you, I had this phrase, life is enough, which I use from Viktor Frankl. I would say it legitimately 1,000 times a day. Life is enough, I'm alive. Life is enough, life is enough. If I'm alive, I can change it. If I'm alive, I can get better. If I'm alive, I can build my life. Life is enough, life is enough. Hey, you just got sued by the laborers union. Great, let's just figure out how to solve this. And life is enough. And who should we call to help us with this? Or we just file bankruptcy with this? I'm— life is enough. I'm gonna have a great dinner tonight. Like, I'm gonna go see my kids and be happy because nothing I can do about that. It's not a reflection of me, it's a reflection of where I got in life. Life is enough. I'm alive. And in a year, I won't even remember this. Let's keep building life.

For a man who is— who has reached this, uh, sense of meaning and purpose and realizes his value inherently, usually after a what I call a holy shit moment, something that's facing the gutter moment, kind of reassess everything. And he goes through therapy and he works with other guys or whatever it may be, and he comes to the the realization of, yeah, I, I have value. I'm, I'm Ralph Brewer Brewer Brewer. I'm a good dude. But what, what comes with that is, um, for a lot of men, a, oh, here comes another wave of depression. Why? I wasted so many years. Yeah, so much time. I let everybody else dictate. What was I doing? What was I thinking? Oh my gosh, I can never get those years back. So that's a very real thing that I tell a lot of guys. Give yourself some grace. I mean, nobody's perfect. Everybody's gone through this. But you have the— you are, if you want to look at it from a hierarchical point of view, a pyramid of dudes out there. You're at the tippy top of dudes because you have acknowledged, like, yeah, I make some mistakes, you can learn from it.

There's nothing broken about anybody on your— any of your listeners or any man that was going through what I was going through. Um, again, I should show you a picture of me. I was literally 50 pounds. I was 245 pounds with a— nice— buying 38 waist jeans, and now I'm, you know, 185, you know, wearing, you know, 31-inch waist jeans. And I didn't do a lot. Um, because besides become happy and start shedding, like I said, I, I, um, was not talking to my parents. I was supposed to have surgery for my back. My best friend died, and now I'm leaving the 17-year marriage. So this is a pretty, pretty, um, tumultuous time. There's nothing wrong with me. I was not broken. I felt broken. And there's nothing wrong with anybody else listening. There's nothing wrong with you. And there was nothing special about me. Besides, and again, I don't have some superpower of courage or fear. All I'm trying to say is you just need to step into the uncomfortable. You need to step into yourself and not be afraid and try to find stakes in the ground of things that are real. Like, I have value and I think this is best for my life. And if it hurts somebody, that's okay. And those are tough things to do, to hurt other people. And, and, um, you know, I lost a lot of time. I lost 17 years in a really bad marriage. Um, I was married at 29, I got divorced at 46. Okay, big chunk of my life. And I had 3 kids. And I'm making up for lost time. But if I ever— if I spend 1 second on the wrong life, I'm not spending that second on the right life. So it doesn't do me any good. So if my bus starts driving towards regret and wasted time, and it creates anger and resentment. I take the steering wheel and I steer it back to gratitude. I'm in this life now. My mind says, you lost so much, you know, you got fooled. No, I didn't. I made choices. You know, I was blind. Let me learn my lesson. I'm going to steer the bus and my thoughts towards, I'm so happy that I'm here now. And don't waste any time being resentful. And that is hard to do and it is painful, but you can do it. And it takes repetitiveness. Inconsistency. It's— that's huge.

Repetitiveness. Alphas Die Early is the book. I put the link there in the comments, in the chat on YouTube there. Alphas Die Early by Dave Rossi. The subtitle is For the Man on a Mission and the Women Who Love Him. Uh, but you also have another— is there another subtitle as well on the book, on the COVID rather?

Um, no.

Um, Untold Masculinity of the Immortal Omega Man.

Yeah, that was kind of when we were playing with— so it might be on some social media stuff, you know. The, the, the book really goes into why men are failing, what are the dynamics, how Darwinian DNA, survival of the fittest, plays a role, how our programming plays a role. I gave a lot of stories on how I learned these things, not because I'm special, but because I want to get some context for people to understand they may be going through the same things. Um, and then I go into breaking the cycle. You have to break the cycle that you're in, the script that you've been read and you believe that you're in. And it's very difficult to get out of, you know, it's kind of like the cars at Disneyland that drive on the track. You don't really need to steer them because they'll hit the guide and get you back on. That's kind of like most of our lives are literally being steered by scripts and programming and parents and family and DNA and Darwin and culture and all these things. And literally that car is not gonna stray that far. And, you know, you kind of think the car's moving and you kind of think it's making turns, but it's really not. It's just following a script. And when you realize and you get off of that script, the, while the, the steering wheel can get a little bit loose, but you also have the ability to steer your life into other places. So Breaking the Cycle is part 2 of the book about really breaking the cycle of that straight script and getting off the script. And then there's tools on how to rebuild an entirely different life without a script and what that looks like and what that means. And, you know, some of the things are like live life. I call it funeral wisdom. You know, I think play 3 in the playbook of the Omega Man is funeral wisdom. Live life like you learn at a funeral. Life is short. I don't have that many summers to travel. I don't have that many winters to do things. I don't have that many years with my kids. So I'm going to live life with the wisdom you learn at a funeral every day. You don't forget the day after the funeral and you get back into the old habit. You legitimately carry funeral wisdom with you every day and you remind yourself every day. And that's what I learned from my friend, my best friend who died, uh, in an accident. Um, and that's an important one, you know, don't compete. I, I know that might sound counter to a lot of business, but don't compete. Like, you don't have to compete to win. You live your life for you. You're competing against yourself. And we often focus on other people. We focus on even competition in business. And I'm, I own my own business. I'm not competing with anybody. There's enough for me. I'm happy for my competitors. Because it's a better energy to be happy for them. And I steer my life. I can be as hard on my company and as disciplined with my employees and as driven to get sales as I can, but it's not to be competitive, it's to steer my life. And I'm the one making those choices with blinders around the rest of the world. They can teach me lessons, but it's still mine. Don't compete. Competing makes you narrow, it makes you judge, it makes you small, it makes you think the world is scarce. It removes the ability of abundance. And abundance is a much better decision-making process than scarcity.

That's where I was going to go with my next question. It's like you're talking about a sense of, a sense of abundance and everything in life, and that's really tough for a lot of guys to embrace because we have a natural feeling of scarcity in a lot of things, especially the romantic world.

It's back to being an animal. When you're an animal and you get food, you're aggressive and you protect it. And I call it the squirrel nut theory. You know, squirrels keep packing nuts. Even Rockefeller said it. Someone asked Rockefeller, how many millions is enough? He said, just one more, right? And that's the scarcity mentality. Um, when things are abundant, you know, and let's go back to dating. When I realized the world was abundant, it doesn't mean that I had access to all this abundance, but the world was abundant to bring me eventually what was good for me. Okay. And when you're happy inside, back to this happiness question, when you are sovereign, when you're a sovereign man, pushing away animalistic traits, competing with other alphas, pretending I deserve something, fighting off the desire to present something that's not me for gain. When you're that guy, oh, I don't have the right person to date right now. I'm not going to make a bad choice. I'm going to go hiking. I'm going to play tennis. I'm going to go kitesurfing. I'm going to hike. I'm going to see my kids. I'm going to clean my room. I'm going to read a book. I am okay alone. It's not that I want to be alone, it's that I'm not going to make choices to avoid being alone. And when you— and that takes effort. I'm not saying that all of a sudden you're like pretending I'm happy. You don't want to go pretend anything. But when you become and build yourself inside— and this is like the best advice I get— is go get Sovereign. Be a sovereign man. Have self-mastery. And when you become that person, you're not afraid to be alone. Because the world has so much abundance. And I did take up kitesurfing, and I did read a lot of books, and I picked up swimming, and I lifted weights, and I ran, and I got in shape. I did all these things, and I was so happy that I made really great choices because I didn't want anybody to disrupt the life that I'd built for myself. So I only wanted someone in that I let in that I knew would be good for me. Very good.

I'm putting the link to your first book as well, The Imperative Habits: 7 Non-Spiritual Practices Towards Spiritual Behavior for Happiness, Health, Love and Success. That is on Amazon. I'll put the link to that as well. So we have the link to both of your books. How else can guys, if they want to work with you, learn more from you— is there— are there other avenues to do so? Yeah, um, um, daverossiglobal.com.

I have, um, some information there which I'm revamping currently. Um, I'm on Instagram and TikTok, Dave Rossi Global on both Instagram and TikTok. I do videos probably every day on different topics. Um, I think, uh, just what comes to mind— I'm not a curated creator. I just get up in the morning, film something. I, I think of things that cross my day that might help somebody. Um, you know, these resources are out there, and I think ultimately I'm— you know, a spiritual teacher would tell you that I'm not here to teach as much as I am to model it's achievable. And I think you're the same thing, Ralph. I mean, you, you help teach because you've done it and you've lived that life and you've come out the other side. And I think the world needs those inspirations, not because there's something special about us, but because we have found a path and that everyone's life is their own journey. They are the hero of their journey. And someone like me and someone like you are just out there to show someone the realm of possibilities, and it's up to them to go get the resources and ask for help, for a little bit of guidance. Hey, this has got a bridge and this is a tree across the river, whichever path you want, you choose, you know. But we're the guides, kind of, kind of tap people either way. Um, and so that's kind of what I, what I hope to do with my websites and my, and my videos and, um, my books.

Very good. That's awesome. Thank you so much for joining us today.

Thank you, Ralph. Thanks for having me. I hope, I hope I connected with your audience.

Absolutely. Guys, before we hang up, if nobody has any more questions or anything— it's been kind of a quiet audience today, but that's a good thing. That means people are listening. Okay, good.

You know, email me. I love questions. If people have a question, they can DM me on any of those platforms. I, I do not coach. I don't charge for coaching. I help a lot of people. I push 'em in the right direction. Um, I make money selling books and, and building houses. So anyone that wants help, um, seriously, just DM me. I'm happy to give you resources and my perspective. Awesome.

Dave Rossi, thank you so very much.

Appreciate it. Thanks so much.

Have a great day. All right guys, thank you for joining us today. Have a good one. A toodaloo.