Chat LIVE with Ralph (DSO)!

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Divorce debates and cheating confessions. Sexless nights and awkward questions. Oh, Chat with Ralph, it's a laugh and a half. Grab a seat, tune in for the gaffs. Bald and bold, spilling the truth. Get ready folks, here's your proof. Got no hair but I got the flair. Marriage drama, we lay it bare. Infidelity, it's a spicy stew. Pour a cup, let's talk it through. So join the fun, don't miss a thing. Chat with Ralph Brewer, secrets swing. Bald is beautiful, and that's a fact. Now hit that stream, it's time to act!

Never gets old. How are you guys doing today? That was my— in case you missed it, last couple of live streams I did, that's my latest little intro music brought to you by artificial intelligence. I didn't make that, I just used an AI program called Sonu or Suno, or I always get that wrong. I think it's Suno. Suno, you go on there and you prompt it and tell it what kind of song you want, and it literally creates a thing in seconds. So that's what I did. So how cool is that? So welcome everybody. Uh, we'll give a little bit for folks to file in here. It always is a slow start, but welcome everyone, and hello to those watching in the future on the recording of this. If you're not, uh, joining us live on Friday, October 17th at, uh, 3 PM Eastern time, you're watching a recording. I can't tell you how many people watch a recording of this and then try to interact with recording as if it's live. Yeah, so don't do that. Anywho, welcome everybody, it's your boy Raffolito coming to you live once again for another Let's Chat with Ralph, hence the catchy theme song. Um, for those that don't know me, I've been putting out content under the Dad Starting Over name for over a decade now. And by content I mean it started off with articles, eventually got into books, which eventually got into some one-on-one coaching with guys all over the world, a private support community for men only, videos. You may have seen the bald but beautiful head on videos yapping away about nonsense. That's me. And occasionally I do one of these little live things where I talk to people, give back to the adoring fans, or I should say people that, um, are forced to watch me because I keep showing up on their, on their algorithm, on their stream there, or whatever you call it. Regardless of how you got here, thank you. I appreciate all you guys. Thank you for joining me today.

I—

for those that don't know my story, uh, bear with me here if you've heard it a few hundred times, but just over a decade ago now, like 13 years ago, I went through a divorce and it wasn't good. There was infidelity involved, there were small kids involved, there was midlife crisis stuff involved, and it wasn't fun. And for a period of years there, I went through not so good time of my life. And since then, I have dedicated myself to rebuilding me personally, my life, and helping other men do the same. And like I said, I've been doing that for over a decade now, and I've written books on the subject, not just of rebuilding after divorce and infidelity and all that other stuff, but I have books on, yes, divorce. I have a book for young men called, uh, Real Talk. I have a book, uh, for men going through the dating process, maybe after divorce or just going through dating period. It's called Red Flags. Divorce Panic, talking all about divorce. I have another book that is my most popular book of all the books I've ever written. My most popular book is a book called The Dead Bedroom Fix. For those that don't know, the word dead bedroom is a kind of an internet slang term for sexless marriages, which is unfortunately relatively common. And I wrote a book all about it from a male perspective and what men can do in long-term relationships to fix that. And And of everything I've ever done, period, that's, believe it or not, the most popular thing I've ever done, to the point where hundreds of thousands of people purchased that book. So thank you all for reading. I appreciate it. And if that may be what brought you here to me today, so thank you if that's the case. But I do have book number 5 is coming out here soon, and this is what I consider my, my magnum opus, if you will, my biggest deal, simply because it's— I talk about those 4 other books that I wrote in all the videos I've done and all the coaching or mentoring I've done over the years and my men's group and everything else— and we'll talk about the men's group here in a second— you, you know, all the stuff is kind of scattered all over the place. And stuff, by stuff I mean words of wisdom, stuff I've learned over the years. And wouldn't it be nice to kind of condense all that into a book for guys who want to rebuild and do it the right way? Now, rebuilding could be like what I went through after a divorce. Rebuilding could be just simply looking at yourself in the mirror and saying, kind of tired of being this version of Ralph, it's time for Ralph 2.0. And you know what, I'm kind of lost as to how to get there. Um, I don't have much direction in life, don't really know who I am or what I stand for anymore. Um, never really had that spelled out for me, no one to help me with that. Well, I wrote a book and it's called Rebuild. And let me see, I got the— here it is. Fwabam! Look at that. Rebuild: The Complete Guide to Starting Over as a Man. And I'm going to put in the comments here a link to that so you can sign up. The book is not quite out yet, but it will be here very soon. We're just working on some last-minute stuff on the site. Bear with us there as we get all that done. But there you go, helpformen.com/rebuild. Let me get rid of this so it's out of my face here. Boom, there I'm back. So check that out, Rebuild, my latest book. Um, boy, that took a lot of work. You know, something I've noticed about myself when I write, um, my personality type is such— I don't know if it's a sign of ADHD, some type of neurodivergence, or just a cute little quirk of Ralphie boy— but when I get into something, I get kind of obsessively into something. Sometimes in, in a not very good way, um, sometimes at the behest— is that the proper term?— at the cost of other things in my life. So I should be concentrating on these 2 or 3 other things, but this thing has got all my attention, 1,000%, gull-hog into that thing, whatever that thing is. And I get into that mode just not often, but every now and then when something really gets me going interest-wise. And sometimes it's work-related, so that's a good thing. You know, do a lot of work, you can make money as a result, or whatever it may be. So that's a positive thing. Um, this Help for Men: Dad Starting Over thing was kind of an obsessive thing for a while, just really churning away trying to get it going and get the men's group and everything else going. But every time I get into the process of writing a book, that becomes obsessive for me to an unhealthy degree. And if any of you have written before, and I would love to hear if you guys have written— let me bring up the comments here— um, the hours just slip by like nothing. It's kind of interesting, creepy at the same time. So you're at your computer and you're just typing away, and you're like, it should be about lunchtime now, I haven't eaten yet, I should eat something. You look at the clock and you're like, no, it's not 12, it's 2. It's like Dude, it's 2 hours past what I thought it was. What the hell? And you just get so consumed and so caught up in the thing— for me, writing— that you literally put blinders to everything. You don't eat, you don't go to the bathroom, you don't sleep, you know. So, um, when I write books, I get in that zone and I can burn out real fast. And burnout is just anxiety's cranking up. You're not taking enough calories, you're not eating, you're not exercising, you're not sleeping right, and it catches up to you., and you can have a spell or two of just like, I need to stop or else I'm gonna go nuts here. And, um, uh, that's pretty much every book that I've written has gone through some little episode of that where I gotta pull back and go, let's take a week or two off and timeout because this is getting too much. I did that with my book Rebuild. And for those that are just joining us, I see more and more people coming in here. Um, we are live streaming this on Facebook and on YouTube, uh, a couple of channels on YouTube, couple of channels on Facebook. Do you call them channels on Facebook? Pages on Facebook. As well as the, uh, uh, X— Dad Starting Over X or Twitter page— it's going on there as well. So hello everybody watching. But, um, yeah, so it's been a labor of love. But anyway, Rebuild, my latest book, check it out, help4men.com/rebuild. I put the link there in the comments for those of you just joining us. Let me see what we got here. Mr. Ben, Ben from Facebook says, I'm 36 and I split from my wife of 15 years. And, uh, you split from her 9 months ago. Okay, um, you've been helpful. Cheers, mate. Well, thank you very much, Ben. I appreciate that. Sorry you're going through that. Um, wife of 15 years, that sounds familiar. So you guys started young. You're only 36 years of age, so 21 years old. You know, there is something to, um, uh, starting a long-term relationship at a very young age. So you have people that are, um, high school sweethearts, then they go through college together or whatever. Maybe they're split up, but they're still a couple, and then they get married. I don't know, honestly. Maybe that's something I need to research. Does that result in— that's a good video topic— does that result in higher rates of divorce or higher rates of splitting up down the line, or a less a less chance of you guys staying together long term. Um, anecdotally, I can say that I have seen that scenario played out quite a bit in men that I talk to who have a lot of major relationship problems down the line. And that can manifest itself in the form of a wife going through like a very much a— what he calls a midlife crisis. Whether that's the right term or not, that's what a lot of guys use, meaning wife's acting kind of goofy, kind of crazy, running off and screwing half the town and abandoning the kids and, you know, all that kind of stuff and acting very teenagery and rebellious. What that often correlates with, but not always, what that often correlates with is, yeah, we got, we got together very, very young, got married very, very young, and had kids really quickly. So, and some women are cognizant enough of this when they're going through their episode, whatever you want to call it, to say, yeah, I feel like I never had a chance to experience Youth, it was just relationship, boom, adulthood, kids. And like, I never had a chance to do what all my other friends did, which was, you know, have a good single life and get out and meet other men and practice relationships and all this other stuff. And I feel like I've missed out. And so sometimes they— that the stress builds and builds and builds, and all their baggage from childhood and everything builds up, and kaboom, the bomb goes off, and hello midlife crisis, right? We hear that often. Um, so be curious to see what you think, if that had some contribution to the downfall of your relationship. We got CR in the YouTube, a regular, who says, I have a surprise vacation coming in 2 weeks, but being in purgatory— how I feel, he says— is killing me. Ready to have a healthy talk. Chapter 7. He's referring to my book, The Dead Bedroom Fix, Chapter 7. It might ruin my trip, but I can't take it anymore. Um, I see some more comments coming in. Um, but let me pause. All right guys, hang tight while I address Mr. CR here. Um, yeah, that's a tough one. Here's something I hear from a lot of people. They're in like these really bad— you hate to throw out the way overused term toxic relationship, but it applies for a lot of the situations I hear about. And, um, you're listening to this guy's story and you're just like, dude, what is it that keeps you around in this relationship? Because this is pretty bad, man. You're like, really bad. And like 9 out of 10 men listening to this would say, dude, get the hell out of Dodge, you know, protect yourself and everything else. And what a lot of men say, number one is kids, number two is finances and my vows and everything. But really, a lot of men think of this like logistically. Um, well, I got this thing coming up, my kid's birthday's coming up, I can't divorce my wife on my kid's birthday, you know. So we'll get past that, but then once the birthday's done, I got this family trip coming up and we've planned it for the last year and we've paid a lot of money for it, so I got to go on the family trip with the wife that I know is cheating on me, or whatever it may be. And even though we say we want a divorce, we're still going through with that. And then after that is Christmas, and we can't divorce over Christmas. And the next thing you know, a whole year goes by and you're still stuck in this purgatory, or as Mr. CR calls it, kind of this limbo phase of like, what are we? We've talked about this divorce and split up. We've— I don't like you, you don't like me, and we're still hanging on to each other. What the hell? What are we doing? So that's tough, but I always tell men I, I don't encourage divorce. That should be like your last resort. But there are circumstances where everybody's like— even your most conservative, uh, family marriage-focused individual would, uh, um, listen to your story and go, dude, you gotta get this shit out. Even except for those situations, I always say like divorce should be like a a last resort. It really should, because it has such horrible consequences for a lot of people in the relationship. It can down the line result in a lot of good things for everybody, kids included, but when you're doing it in the middle of it, at the beginning stages of it, it can result in a lot of drama, a lot of heartache, and lots of— so you don't, don't take it, don't take it lightly. That's what I'm trying to say. So I don't want to come across as being very pro-divorce, but for some of you out there, it's a— that's a thing. And if like you for sure, like, we got to do this thing, there's no ifs, ands, or buts about it, this is the right thing to do, then rip the Band-Aid. Don't wait for just the right time because there's no such thing, no such thing as the right time to go through with something like divorce. We got, um, Mr. Paul from Facebook saying, the biggest thing for me is how to repair from hurt. A very few and lost trust Big time. I think you messed up on that one. And messed up big time. One lady said, known you 5 years, I am engaged, I am not sure, buddy. This one's all over the place. I, I'm not sure what you're saying here. You lose trust, should have promised years ago, afraid like 5 times to hurt, how to trust again. A lot of that has to do with you, um, how to trust again, security within yourself. Who are you? What do you stand for? What kind of people are you bringing into your life? Check out my book Rebuild. I put in the comments there, check it out, helpformen.com/rebuild. We talk all about, um, really building the foundation of who you are, what you stand for, and everything else. And that kind of takes care of a lot of that stuff. Who do I trust? Who do I bring in my life? Who do I not? And so on and so forth. Uh, Mr. Mike says, Ralph, you've been a great influence. Thanks. Well, thank you, Mr. Mike. I appreciate it. Hmm. And then CR, you say your relationship isn't toxic at all, it's just that there's no emotion, no intimacy, and nothing. Well, then yes, it's a form of toxicity, I guess you could say. Toxic, a lot of people often interpret as— and this isn't right or wrong— fighting, violence, anger, things being thrown, people, you know, all that nonsense. But toxicity just means like something's at baseline very broken, poisonous, really, um, the ingredients of the whatever, no bueno. So at the very Your relationship at baseline is broken. If there's no real— no emotion, no intimacy, no nothing— that's indicative of you got some bigger problems, dude. It's not just the old SEX. It's not the whole thing of everything's great except for— it's total horseshit. There's— with just like 5 minutes of digging, you uncover all kinds of stuff that goes on in the relationship that makes you say, dude, this is pretty bad. Um, so probably with your situation might be the same. Maybe not. Matthew from Facebook says, thank you for being a light in the vast darkness. Well, that's a first. Thank you. You have helped so many men in so many ways, including myself. It's good to hear that we men are absolutely not alone and there is life afterwards. Well, thank you very much. I assume afterwards, uh, referring to maybe after divorce, after moving on in life, turning the page on your life, um, or turning the page on that chapter of your life rather. Well, thank you, man. I appreciate that. That means a lot to me. You guys are making my day. Thank you. Ben says Facebook— and from Ben from Facebook, can't talk today. In all honesty, I was completely— it was completely my fault. I was addicted to cocaine for many years and she put up with it for a long time. I've managed to get sober now through 12 steps. Very good for you, dude. Um, and have grown as a person. We've still been like best friends and even have sex occasionally, but she's still not interested in getting back together. Then don't do the sex thing. People always— yeah, if you're going to be separate, be separate. I've had, uh, complete— completely step away as my heart was getting dragged out. Yeah, you're still connected to the woman. You can't do that. I'm just trying to develop as a person. If she comes back, she comes back. That's the way to look at it, dude. I mean, it's a heartbreaking thing. You still love the person, you're still attached to them. But if she's like, dude, I'm telling you, there's no way in hell we're ever getting back together again, then number one, what are you doing still bonking? What are you doing still together? Then that's where one, preferably both of you, says, let's be adults here then, and, um, let's just not have contact with each other anymore in that way. I assume you don't have kids together or nothing like that. If there's no kids, if there's nothing that ties you logistically together that you must communicate in some way, then you just don't communicate. If you're going to break up, you got to do it cleanly, dude. It's to be connected to a person in a long-term relationship, even in a short-term one, really. God, it could be argued even more so in a, in a really hot and heavy, lustful short-term connection. Um, there's a what we call— it's akin to addiction. It can be— there's a different form of it, it could be argued, a stronger, deeper form of this addiction when you're in a long-term, committed, monogamous relationship with one person for many, many years. Some of you guys, like, for decades. So you're flat out addicted to the person. They're in your life. They're, they're, uh, you do have kids. Sorry to hear that. Well, then you have to, you have to communicate with her in some way, Ben. Um, but you guys need to flex those boundaries. You be the adult here, Ben, and go, you know, shake her hand and go, I love you. That's, you know, that's why we got together. I was hoping this would work out, but obviously you're not wanting to do this anymore, wife. But out of respect for me and you, wife, let's just not have any contact unless it's for the kids. And let's keep it to text or email or something like that. No calling me just to shoot the shit and like talk about your day or whatever. No, I miss you. No, I was thinking about you the other day. No, because you're trying to break the addiction of her, and maybe even she of you, and you can't do that. You can't break the addiction of your drug. If you keep taking a little snort of it every now and then, if you keep taking a little sip of whiskey every now and then, you can't overcome your addiction to alcohol. It doesn't work that way. You can't be like, I used to be a 12-beer-a-night guy, but now I'm only a 6-beer-a-night guy. Phew, now I'm all better. No, dude, still got a problem. And you, dude, still got a problem. You're still taking a little sip every now and then, a little toot every now and then. The old wifey, you can't do that. The nose is shiny today. I'm distracted by my nose shine. I got the head shine, very shiny and oily today. Um, David from YouTube— oh, shitballs scrolling on me. A lot of comments coming in, guys. Thank you so much for, uh, being so active today. I appreciate it. Hmm, uh, David says, same sentiments for me, Ralph. My ex-wife moved out almost exactly a year ago. Your content has been a constant source of healing for me over that year, and I really appreciate it. Well, thank you, David. Well, you guys are just making my day today. Thank you so very much. Um, it's a ripple effect, says Paul from Facebook, especially if kids in the mix. It's hard to move kids, and she's a good mom, and that made things complicated. No communication at all, and that's fine. Same avenue to chats all over the kids. Yeah. All right, we got, um, this is a string of letters. I'm not sure how to pronounce this. R. Davita— pardon me— R. Davita from YouTube says— any gassy today, my bad, excuse me— from YouTube says, any strategies to help an avoidant woman become more affectionate? It happens in short bursts but not consistent. She tells me I wouldn't get consistency with any woman. Uh, you know, I don't know if you know, Mr. Davita, that, um, what you just asked is a pretty loaded question. Very layered question. You may not even know what you just did. Um, you, um, embodied, if you will, or exemplified is what I'm looking for, the quintessential, uh, anxious partner. Hey, how can I help them change so that they can be more of what I need? Please, because she seems to think that she can't change, but every now and then I see a little bit of change, and it, it gives me crumbs of hope. And, and how can I get more of that? And dude, relationships don't work that way, Mr. Anxious. You need to face the fact that you got with, dare I say, the, the wrong gal. I'm sorry, that's very— speaking of platitudes here, that's kind of a like— yeah, I don't know your whole story, so that's not fair of me to say that. But if a consistent level of affection, which by the way, many people hearing probably your description of that would say Um, that's pretty normal, dude. There's nothing abnormal about what you would like in a relationship. You know, talking on a regular basis, not unusual. Um, come home, hey sweetie, how was your day? Peck on the cheek, not unusual. Um, going out on dates on a regular basis, pretty damn normal and healthy. Little smooches in the kitchen every now and then, little butt pinches every now and then, little pats on the butt. Little 'you look good today, sexy,' little hugs, kisses, goodbye as you go off to work. These are all normal things, right? And you're not weird for wanting them, but you're weird for wanting them from a person who can't give that to you. And I know you're thinking, what do you mean she can't? Well, she can technically, but she's not wired mentally to easily and readily provide that. She's— if you, you know, you've said she's an avoidant person, avoidant people aren't like that. They're just like, can you give me space, please? Leave me alone. I'll let you know when I need you or when I want you. Um, because this is speaking as an avoidant— I'm not an avoidant, but I'm playing the part of an avoidant person. The avoidant person may say, I value my independence above all else, and I don't want people to need me. The more somebody needs me, the more I'm like, God, get away. And I really don't want to need anybody else either. So the more you tiptoe towards, 'Wife, I need you to—' I'm just sure I just shut off. In one ear, out the other. I don't— I'm not listening. So how can I make her more? You don't. You can't. The only hope for being with such a person, from my perspective— and there may be plenty of licensed therapists and everything, of which I'm not, um, that may disagree with me, but that's fine— but this has just been my experience and what I've seen. Step number 1 for avoidant partner needs to change. How can they do that? They have to say, you know what, I got a problem here. Uh, some of my behavior, the way my personality is based on my, my, my history and my baggage as a human being, um, I act a certain way in my relationships and it drives away a lot of good people. And because of that, I also tend to attract a certain type of really needy, anxious person. And the combination of my shit and their shit just causes a lot of shit, and this doesn't work. So I need to work on my stuff, like, a lot, consistently, for years. And then the process starts, dude. That's what it has to start with. If it doesn't start with that, then everything else is BS. There's no fixing it. There's no nothing you can do, Mr. or Miss Anxious, to flip them. You can't appeal to their rational side. Don't you realize I love you? Don't you realize we're supposed to do this? Don't you realize you see all these other people on the street holding hands and kissing and all this other stuff? My mom and dad hugged and kissed. Don't you— that's not going to appeal to them. It's not going to work. What works is them saying, I got a problem, let me go get help with this. And then here's the kicker, um, you have— Mr. Anxious— have to be super patient as you sit back and watch them get the help, and watch them get the help, and wait and wait. And you watch them get a little better, and you're like, now they're ready. No, no, not yet. And wait and wait. And then you watch them go back down again to Mr., Miss Avoidance, and you're like, shit, here we go again. It's like, yeah, it's not, it's not a consistent climb. It's like this— good weeks, bad weeks, bad months, good months. But what I've seen from a lot of people in that situation is they don't have the patience for that. Because usually as she's working on her stuff, so is Mr. Anxious. And as any therapist will tell you, if you had to put the two together, or two against each other rather, Miss Anxious versus, uh, or Miss Avoidant in this example, um, versus Mr. Anxious, and you put them in front of the therapist, who's going to— which one was which, I don't remember— uh, who's going to, um, become more secure faster? I guess you could say that's maybe not Who is going to exemplify more secure attachment tendencies in the relationship? The anxious person is, because they're willing to put in all the work. They're like, yeah, whatever I got to do, I'm going to do it. I love this person, I want to make this work. And they put in the work, and they become more confident, and they like themselves more, and they get more attention from others, and they start walking a little taller, and they suddenly look across the aisle at their partner and say Wow, they're a broken person. Holy shit, what was I thinking? And I don't think I can deal with all this stuff. I don't think I have the patience to deal with this. You know what, I think I'm out of here. I don't— that's more common than not. I've had so many guys are like, I can stick this out another 10, 15 years, I love her and I made my vows. And then 20 days later, some gal in the street said, hello handsome, and he's like, yeah, I'm done. It happens all the time. Um, David from YouTube says, I remember laying on a mattress in the living room floor the night before she moved out and searched Divorced Dad Podcast and found your stuff. I've been coming back ever since. Well, thank you, David, appreciate it. CR says, Mr. Anxious here as well, raising my hand. Probably the majority of us here. Yes, the majority of men that, uh, the majority of men that consume my material and relationship material in general are anxious guys, and anxious in their, in their temperament as far as they are higher in anxiety overall, and anxious in their attachment to partners. They're the ones that pursue and romance, and, and they're very preoccupied and, and ruminating on, on thoughts about the relationship constantly. They tend to fall in love very, very fast, and they tend to hang on like a tick. And then they take the breakup really, really hard, which is also synonymous with men that are neurodivergent. Which, yes, not coincidentally, a large portion of our— my audience is neurodivergent. For those that don't know, that, that is the umbrella term for guys that have ADHD, autism spectrum, obsessive-compulsive disorder, dyslexia even falls under that, believe it or not, and probably some others that I don't know of. I'm not an expert on this, but I've talked to enough men over the years to realize, oh shit, there's a pattern here. Um, so that may be some of you guys as well. Yeah, we see that all the time. Uh, and Davida, you say you're married for 9 years, you got 3 kids under the age of 6. Yeah, dude, you've been busy. Wow. Okay, I'm just exhausted hearing that. And yes, she's seeing a therapist. Well, very good. Yeah, and You should too, if you're not already, and go together. And the therapist, if they're worth their salt, will look at you and go, Mr. DeVita, let her be. Back off, man. There's nothing you can do about this. Just be there for her. Give space. Um, the more you hound her and hang on her and, you know, look for her to change and everything else, the more you're gonna drive her away. Unfortunately, you can't change grown people, as my grandma always told me, says CR. Not sure why I didn't Plyatt years ago. Yeah, what's the old phrase? Can't teach an old dog new tricks. Um, I'm going to be 50 years of age next month, and I've been telling people I'm 50. I don't know why I have this weird habit of I just round up my age, and I always have. So if I'm 49 in 6 months, I just tell everybody I'm 50. It's like, what am I going to say, I'm 49 and a half? What am I, a toddler? No. So I've been telling people all year, yeah, I'm like a 50-year-old. But I turned technically 50 years of age next month. And guys like me getting up there in age have parents who are officially getting into the past senior citizen, into elderly, into needs help phase. And a lot of us, um, by virtue of going through a lot of, you know, therapy and things like that, we realize, man, our parents had some effed up stuff about them. And some of the ways in which they parented me and the things they've said to me over the years and things I've sat back and watched This ain't bueno, man. This ain't good. Well, no wonder I'm kind of a mess. Some of us come to that conclusion, right? Oftentimes at no fault of our parents. They didn't know any better. They were just dealing. They had the tools in their emotional toolbox they had, you know, that they had to deal with. And that's it. That's the best they could do with what they had. And a lot of us, you know, maybe take some of our new knowledge, you know, from all of our internet sleuthing and learning and so forth, maybe working on our own relationships and ourselves. And we try to help who? Our parents. Like, Dad, Mom, you ever thought about maybe— no, no. And you try that enough, you know what you realize? Like, save your breath, man. It's— they're 70, 80-some-year-olds. Can't teach an old dog new tricks, man. It's just the way it is. They're, they're stuck in their ways. Multiple decades of being a certain way. You ain't gonna change that, son. The person that they used to— whose butt they used to wipe— they're not going to listen to you. That's how that works. Um, David asks, uh, how old were you when you went through a divorce? Well, do the math there. 13 years ago, so 37 years of age. Uh, worst mistake I made is marriage over, I overcompensated, and on new lady— Paul, buddy, your messaging is kind of all over the place. It's kind of difficult to read. I'm not picking on you, but it's just I'm having a difficult time understanding it. Mm-hmm. A new lady went stop messaging me like 10 times a day. Oh, she would not stop messaging you. I missed companionship. Thing— the funny thing is I ignore and get a message out of the blue. I like this sanity, how to deal with— yeah, that one's tough to understand, my friend. I apologize, Mr. Paul, but I'm, I'm not quite understanding there. Um, anything else I'm missing here? You can't— okay, I already read that one. Guys, thank you for all the comments here. Let me, uh, pause for a moment to do some promotion, if I may. Latest book, Rebuild, is coming out here soon. Go to help4men.com/rebuild. I put in the comments and chat there earlier on YouTube, so check it out. helpformen.com/rebuild. Latest book should be out very shortly. You can be put on the list to be notified when it comes out. Just go to that website, helpformen.com/rebuild, put in your name and email, and we'll let you know when it's available, maybe even for a little bit of a discount. How about that? Um, what else I got going? I got another book, Red Flags. That one came out here recently, redflagsformen.com. That'll jump you to our page on the Help From Insight. But, uh, Red Flags came out years ago, and then I completely redid it, so it's a whole book, so check it out. Technically the second edition, but it's a completely new book. So, um, those are, you know, for men that are wanting to get out in the world and find Miss Right, what to look out for. What else we got here? And all my little graphics here, uh, the biggest and bestest thing, if I do say so myself, that I'm involved in is our private community called The Brotherhood. And you can learn more at helpformen.com/join. It's a private support community. There is a fee for getting involved because once you get in, you realize there's a whole bunch of crap in there. Craps, probably not a good marketing term, is it? But we have private discussion forums that are extremely active. We have live Zoom meetings some weeks, like 6 to 8 Zoom meetings every single week, and then we record all of them, and then we record— we archive all the meetings, and you can listen to them like actually on your phone through your podcast app. We have a little link you can click on and it magically adds it to your podcast app on your phone, so you can sit and listen to past meetings. And we have, oh, at this point probably over 1,300, 1,400 hours of meetings on there, so you're never going to run out of stuff, and we add to it every single week, so you never run out of stuff to listen to. In addition to all my books that I've written— 5 books, well, number 5 is coming out here soon, 4 books, and the 5th is on its way— all those are available to our members at no cost. Download an ebook version as well as listen to the audiobook versions. How cool is that? Then we have coaching, we have courses, we have in-person gatherings that we call Bro Fest. I know. And, uh, our guys in Australia, they have their own meeting that they call Mate Fest, and Mate Fest is actually going on this weekend in Australia. This will be, I believe, their fourth— third or fourth gathering. How cool is that? I'll be speaking with them this afternoon. And what else is in the, uh, Brotherhood? I think I got it all. Anyway, check it out. helpformen.com/join. The cost is $27 every month, and that gets you everything that I talked about there. Or you can pay annually, and it comes out cheaper on a per-month basis. Or you can pay a lifetime and just pay once and be done with it. At this, we've had a lot of monthly sign up here recently, but I believe we're still over 60% of our membership overall are lifetimers. So what typically happens is they pay month to month for a while, and then they're like, you know, I know I want to stick around for this, but I really don't like the annoyance of being charged every single month because sometimes the cards get, you know, uh, declined because they expire and those other things, whatever. Can I just pay you once and be done with it? That it seems like most go in that direction. We love it. So we love our lifetime members. So that's awesome. So check it out, the Brotherhood, help4men.com/join. If you're a dude and you like my material and you find yourself commenting on it often, take the next step and join actual— the actual community. You could talk back and forth and talk to yours truly, uh, frequently, every single week in our live Zoom meetings. I do 3 meetings every week myself, and then the other guys on the team, they do their own meetings. So We have all kinds of cool meetings out there. Uh, R. Davida asking, did you do the audiobook again? I assume this is in, uh, get rid of this, uh, reference to Rebuild. No, uh, I haven't done it yet. I'm leaning more towards having somebody else do it simply because it takes so much time. It's so annoying, and it's to go back and edit and redo and all this other stuff, record and redo and edit and get it, you know, mastered or whatever you call it, just right for the Audible and everybody. They have to have it done in a certain way, so you got to pay somebody to do all that. I'm considering paying someone just to do it from A to Z, so narrating, recording, and doing everything. It costs a few bucks, but that would allow me to continue doing other stuff as opposed to putting everything on hold while I do that. That's how much that takes up a lot of my time and energy. Um, so that is not done yet, but it's coming. Okay, well, Mr. Paul, all right, buddy, well, we, uh, look forward to seeing you there. Yeah, check out the book. You, uh, pre-ordered the book, very good. Um, Yeah, check out the Brotherhood, help4men.com/join. Dave says, I highly recommend you narrate yourself. I've done this before already, Mr. David. And if you want that to happen, that book ain't coming out anytime soon. It's a long-ass book. I think it's like 66,000 words, and then it takes a while. Um, but it is, uh, it is very, um, appealing, the idea of having a professional do it. I've done all the others. So I don't know, we'll see. But I appreciate the encouragement there. Uh, anybody else, anything else? We're coming up on the 40-minute mark. I don't have to call this quits at any particular time, but it seems like the comments are kind of winding down here. It says show comment on stage. What does this do when I click this? Oh yeah, cool, look, shows little comments in the corner. That's kind of cool. It kind of makes it look more official, doesn't it? Maybe I should do that from now on. What do you guys think? Yay or nay to the comments being on screen like that? And then do I— oh look, I can— oh, I don't know, can you see that I'm doing that? Highlight. What does this do? Maybe I should not play with this while I'm alive. All right, ladies and germs, if that's it, I'm gonna run through some things here real quick. My best-selling book, Dead Bedroom Fix. Check it out, deadbedroomfix.com. Brofest, brofest2026.com. Check it out. That's our annual gathering. We are opening it this year to non-members, so if you just want to come check out and meet myself, Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy, will be with us for the weekend. Lauren, the Dadvocate— you guys know Lauren, she's huge in our world— she'll be there with us for the weekend, her and her husband. How cool is that? Another gentleman by name of Adam Nissenson, he calls himself the Betrayal Shrink. He is a therapist that specializes in helping guys overcome the the pain of betrayal, being cheated on, for example, as well as guys with a sex addiction. So he'll be there presenting as well, hanging out for the weekend. That'll be very cool. If you have a question for yours truly and you'd like maybe to see a video created out of it, or just for me to answer it for the podcast, for example, go to deardso.com. Got a lot of URLs and domains and links here, guys, so bear with me. Um, here's a— here's something for free. Dead Bedroom Course— deadbedroomfixcourse.com. Probably should get that right. Deadbedroomfixcourse.com. It's a video course all about the dead bedroom stuff, absolutely free, no strings attached. In fact, at the end of that, you also— or not even at the end, when you sign up for it, you also get the book in ebook format at no charge. My way of saying thank you. For you guys that have been cheated on, mywifecheated.com, and you're having a hard time coming to terms with it and understanding it and all that good stuff, check out mywifecheated.com. Free course, very small course to call it a course, is probably— it's like 3 or 4 videos. Um, so check out mywifecheated.com. The Brotherhood I've mentioned, Bro Fest I've mentioned. Free book, another free book. I'm giving away a lot of free stuff here, guys. Uh, divorcepanic.com. Divorce Panic is my book all about divorce. I don't have a copy of it here. Um, guys dealing with the emotionality and starting over after divorce, divorcepanic.com. Check it out, free. Free PDF download, but if you want a paper copy, you got to pay for it. You know the drill. Make sure I'm not missing something here. It says I had a comment, but I don't see a new comment. All right, ladies and germs, I think that's it for me. But I do thank you all for joining me today. I appreciate each and every one of you. If you haven't already, if you could pause for a moment and give me a like If you are watching this on YouTube, for some reason or not yet subscribed, give me a subscribe. I do appreciate it. If you see any of my little videos pop up anywhere, give me a, give me a little likey. That helps. That tells the Facebooks and the YouTubes and all this other stuff of the world that this guy's worth other people seeing, and that helps spread the news. So if you guys out there that are like, Ralph, you've helped me a lot with this and help spread the love, number one, uh, maybe check out a book, uh, The Brotherhood for sure, help4men.com/join. That's, you know, I'm a little biased in that I started the group But the reason I started the group was because I was in your shoes, guys, and I went through all this stuff, and I'm like, it'd be nice to be surrounded by other guys going through the same thing, or that have already been through the same thing, which is why I created the Brotherhood. HelpForMen.com/join. Check it out. Good way to give back to, uh, Dad Starting Over and the Help For Men community. Uh, speaking of Help For Men, uh, did an interview with the New York Post earlier this week. So how cool is that? So far I've had New York Magazine, News Nation, which is a TV outlet. I was on their cable show very briefly. Uh, what else? Forbes. That was a long one. That was like a half-hour interview I did with them for their webs— or for the YouTube channel. Check out Forbes. And, um, now the New York Post has interviewed. So the whole Help for Men brand has some legs and helping out a lot of guys. So hopefully we can reach more and more dudes and bring them into the brotherhood. So guys, once again, thank you so very much for joining me. Appreciate each and every one of you. And catch you on the next one. There will not be a live stream, I don't think, next week because I'm going to be gone hanging out with some buddies, going to Vegas. Check it out. All right, cool. All right guys, thank you very much. Have a good one.