Chat LIVE With Ralph (DSO)!

Well, well, well. Hey there, folks. How you guys doing today? I hope you're doing well. Me, I've been better. Let me, let me tell you the trials and tribulations of old Ralphie boy here. Let's see, how long ago was it now? 2, 3 days ago, started not feeling too good. Like kind of achy, whatever, you know, fluish maybe. And then the— my side over here, my little love handle, not so little love handle over here, just started feeling like I had a little sunburn on it or something. And then I realized, oh no, I've had this before, surely it's not. And then I woke up the next morning and it was a little worse, and it felt like— the only way to describe it is like somebody puts needles in your skin And then when your shirt brushes up against him, it's like the shirt is brushing up against the needles, you know what I mean? That really weird kind of electrical shocky metallic burning kind of— it's a weird sensation. Anyway, the homeboy's got shingles. So I've had this before, I had it years ago. I got, uh, chickenpox when I was like 28 years of age, if I remember right, for the first time. I know, weird. Every doctor thinks that's like some kind of astronomically strange thing to say, apparently. And, um, After that, years and years later, I got stressed and sick and not so good, and then got shingles. Same spot, around the same area there. Same thing, I guess I'm a little stressed or whatever. Hey, it happens. Ralphie boy's human. And, um, yeah, just started getting some little pains there and went to the doctor, got me some antiviral things, and it's actually doing better. It's kind of a dull ache as opposed to that weird electrical hot zappy thingy. So it's still not comfortable, and I still don't feel quite right. But I imagine here in a couple days I'll be feeling tons better. So anywho, that's what's going on with me. So if I seem a little bit more down than normal— I know I'm not the most excitable human being on the planet— um, that's why. Um, I'm looking— the eyeballs look a little tired today. Allergies again, hence the glasses. I was, uh, I was on a Zoom call earlier with a guy today, and he's probably like, is he okay? Because I was just rubbing my eyes the entire time, watering. I'm like, not this again. Had to take the old contacts out and did it again. Oh, fun, fun, fun. For those of you a little bit more— well, hold on a second, I'm a little off here. One moment, please. One more adjustment. I guess that's right. Yeah, um, I have updated the old, uh, um, uh, Studio Number One. Usually I had the two guitars behind me and all that stuff. I flipped my, uh, studio, I guess you could say, perpendicular to where it was. So I have more room, I have the ability to put lighting— pardon me— lighting behind me, my camera behind me and everything. So now I have proper studio like I have the other place. So I have two different studios in case— oh shit— in case any of you noticed, um, you know, two different backgrounds. So this will now be background number one. Forget the two guitars behind me, I still have the one guitar over here, my PRS there. For any guitar geeks. So anyway, yes, it's me, it's Ralph. You're at the right spot. Uh, Raffalito, the old dad starting over, founder of Help for Men. You can learn more at help4men.com. We started that a couple years ago now. It's our larger organization. Just as the name implies, we're here to help dudes out. We have a— well, if you go to help4men.com, you'll see articles, you'll see videos, you'll see links to some Dad Starting Over stuff, which is the account where you're watching this now, many of you. And, uh, you'll see our private community for men only that we call the Brotherhood. And we have hundreds and hundreds of men from all over the world. The US is our biggest market, yes, followed by Australia being our number 2, strangely, and Canada and Europe and all over all the, um, English-speaking world, basically South Africans and so forth. It's got some New Zealanders in there as well. And, uh, um, we help out a lot of men in a lot of different ways. We do have a private community, a discussion forum, a couple of different ones that we utilize. We utilize Discord as well as the private Facebook discussion groups, or, or I guess you call them discussion groups, member groups, whatever. No one can see you're in it, no one can see what you type in it, it's all private. And Discord as well. And then we get together for Zoom meetings. We have Zoom meetings all week long every week. I host 3 of them at least, and then other guys on the team host meetings as well, usually about an hour or more in length. And we just— a bunch of guys get together, talk about the really difficult stuff. Um, I'm trying to think of here recently some stuff that's come up. We have a one poor guy who is going through, um, um, issues with mentally ill wife, mentally ill mom, uh, losing custody of his child. Another guy was physically attacked by a mentally ill wife. Some not so good stuff out there. Uh, guys being cheated on, still trying to— pardon me, sneeze coming on. Maybe, maybe not. Trying to hold it back. Sorry, allergies. Anyway, um, we got a guy trying to reconcile with the old wifey in the post-infidelity thing. She was the one who cheated. And, uh, guys who went through the cheating wife thing and came out with, you know, on the other side divorced and trying to better their lives. Guys that are currently married trying to work through the dead bedroom thing or trying to improve their marriage. Guys working on the old career and the financial thing, you know, typical dude stuff. The kind of stuff that's maybe a little bit too deep for your— oh, that, you know, I always joke that a lot of us guys are, are male acquaintances or male friends in our life. Um, basically they're kind of like, oh, a lot of it is the, the husband of your wife's co-worker or friend. And so you guys get together like just casually, beers every now and then, watch the Monday Night Football or something like that. So when you go to those guys and say like, my wife cheated on me, or, um, dead bedroom, or whatever, they get real wide-eyed like, oh, I don't know how to deal with this, we're not that close, buddy, you know, that kind of stuff. So that's what groups like ours are for. So the Brotherhood, you can learn more at— let me bring up the little banner here thingy, pardon me one moment. There we go, help4men.com/brotherhood. Join. We would love to have you. And, uh, I have— I've been at this, uh, the Dad Starting Over thing, pushing out content under that name for quite a while now. And it's sad that you see some names in the comments of your videos and posts that are the same names that show up day after day, month after month, year after year, and you're like, buddy, you need some help. And they're just hanging on to so much resentment, and they're so sad about their situation, and they're so distraught, and nothing's going to work right, and everything's terrible, and blah blah blah. And I'm like, you know, we have a group for guys that can help you. We, you know, we get together in meetings, we have the forums, we have, uh, we get together in person, we have courses. I didn't mention that. We have books. You can get all my books at no additional charge. I've written 4 of them, and by the way, number 5 is coming. I'm working on it right now. And our members get access to those at no extra charge, including the audiobook format. And, uh, we do one-on-one coaching. It's available. There is a fee for it, even for our members, but it's way cheaper for our members. Same thing with courses. Some courses are free to members and some are way cheaper for members. And like I said, we get together in person. We're having our annual conference, uh, our 6th one is coming up next year in 2026 in Louisville, Kentucky. So we're looking forward to that. So we offer a lot of avenues for men to get help, resources, all kinds of things. And so it is frustrating but understandable that I have so many guys in my comments that I see the same names over and over again talking about the same problems, sometimes years in a row, and you're like, dude, just— I'm extending my hand. Come on, let's get some help. Let's get out of this victim mode that is so contagious, if not kind of addictive, to some men to stay in that victim mode. Woe is me, the world is out to get me. It's like, okay, gotcha. How about we get past that and move on and try to do better with ourselves? Your kids are sitting back and watching this. Your co-workers are watching this. Your family. Let's do better, dude. And some men just don't take the hand when you extend it. It's frustrating, but I get it. Been there, done that. But just to let you guys know, I'm here, we're here to help you guys out. HelpForMen.com/join. There is a small fee for joining. We got to cover the cost of all the stuff I'm talking about. The Zoom is expensive, that's thousands of dollars a year, believe it or not. All the coaches, we use Zoom for doing our, our, uh, our meetings and our coaching sessions. Gotta pay for all that, gotta pay for all the software to manage all this, gotta pay for the books, the hosting. It's a big nut to cover every month, believe it or not, to do this. And so, uh, we're— but we're trying to keep the cost to our members as low as possible because we know we got a lot of guys that don't have a lot of money to throw around. We're cognizant of that, we get it. So we're trying to help out as many men as we can. I've been told by many people that we— for everything that we offer, that it's— it doesn't make sense how little we're charging. I get it. But again, we're trying to help out as many dudes as we can. We want thousands in this group, not hundreds. So, but we're getting there slowly but surely, adding, you know, new guys almost every So we welcome you guys to join us. help4men.com/join. All right, how these— um, first of all, thank you for joining me. Appreciate all you guys and gals, for that matter. How this works is typically I get on here and blab away and run out of stuff to talk about, and then people get in the comments to say, got a question, what do you think about this, Ralph? Um, you ever run into this? Here's my situation, I want to share it with the, with the, with the world here. And what do you think? So now's the time to do so, guys. Don't be shy. You got some questions for yours truly? Well, who the hell am I, right? Um, I've— like I've said, I've written 4 books. My most popular book was a book called The Dead Bedroom Fix. As the name implies, if you don't know the vernacular, dead bedroom means sexless marriage. Really unfortunately common situation in a lot of, at least my audience, and probably people— it's a little more common than what you may think in the general public as well. Um, but, uh, let me bring up another banner here. You can learn more about that book at deadbedroomfix.com. But there's one little extra thing you could do, of course. And by the way, this is free. F-R-E-E, free. That means zero cost, no pennies out of your pocket. Boom. deadbedroomfixcourse.com. Check it out, absolutely free video course talking about the Dead Bedroom Fix stuff.. And as an added bonus, we'll send you a PDF copy, an ebook, you can read it on your phone, copy of the Dead Bedroom Fix book. So you got the book, you got the video courses, zero cost to you. There you go. Merry Christmas. Check it out. That's the most popular thing I've ever done was that book, hence the creation of the course and trying to get more and more guys into our world and hopefully, you know, join the brotherhood so we can help out more guys. But it's so funny, out of all the issues I've ever talked about in the history of Dad Starting Over and me doing this. What have I talked about? Finance, fitness, parenting, dealing with the depression, mental health issues, whatever it may be. And then as soon as you start talking about the old SEX, boop, guys wake up. I can relate to that. Tell me more about that, Ralph. Kind of frustrating, but I get it. That's the number one thing. And so I wrote a book on it, Dead Bedroom Fix. Learn more at deadbedroomfix.com or check out the course, deadbedroomfixcourse.com. And It's done very well. I've reached hundreds of thousands of people with that book. So there you go. So check it out, folks. Um, but most people come to me and, uh, come into my world via that book, believe it or not, or some of the other books that I've written. I've also written a book called Divorce Panic. You can learn more at divorcepanic.com. I've written another book called, uh, a very small short book called Red Flags. It's available in ebook format only. And, uh, because it's so small to print, doesn't really make sense. Very quick read. You can get it for $4.99 on the website. All this can be found at help4men.com. Go to books in the menu, you can see all the books that I've written. And then a book as well by a gentleman named Austin on our team, Coach Austin. He wrote a book called Why Sex Ends After Kids and How to Fix It. And another very blunt, to-the-point book that is excellent, uh, that I highly recommend all you guys to check out that can relate to that sentiment. And what else have I written? Um, for years I heard from a lot of my fellow dudes out there and guys, you know, who— some of my readers, guys who read my book, saying, where was this stuff when we were a kid? I wish somebody would have written something like this when I was like a teenager going through the, you know, being girl crazy and everything else. And I said, you know, after hearing that about 800 times, why don't I write a book? And I called it Real Talk: No Bullshit Life Advice for Young Men. And that's actually number 2 or number 3. Divorce Panic and Real Talk kind of trade spots there on the, on the top as far as the best-selling books are concerned. Divorce Panic outsells them all by a long shot, all of them combined, like a thousandfold, believe it or not. And then, uh, then it's either Divorce Panic or Real Talk. So check those out, helpformen.com. We got Miss Sandra. Hello, Miss Sandra, from Facebook. She says, help for men is desperately needed. Thank you for extending your information. Just a joke, if you said you had women in waiting to sex the men for free you would need hundreds of staff. It's true, no lies detected there, Miss Sandra. Um, but thank you, I appreciate the, the kind words. Uh, um, yeah, the, the help for men thing, it's funny. Uh, I posted some meme here recently. It wasn't a meme, it was a screenshot of a tweet that I, uh, tweeted. And I always take the screenshot and post it like Facebook and YouTube and all those other things. And then, uh, Oh, I wish I had it in front of me. I don't, but it's something to the effect of a lot of men wait really late in the game as far as they're hurting and they're going through a lot. They wait until it's way down the line before they ask for help, or they wait till they're like face down in the gutter before they ask for help, so to speak. It's like, don't be that guy. It's okay to go, well, help here. And so many men come in the comments to say, doesn't matter, a man can say help, nobody gives a shit, nobody cares. I get it. I understand. There does seem to be, you know, there's, there is very much like a damsel in distress syndrome, isn't there? A lot of men have seen this post-divorce. Something that a lot of men report in my world is, I was cheated on by wife. I'm, you know, licking my wounds, trying to recover from this emotionally, financially, and everything else, going through this divorce. It's awful. I'm on my own. I'm in my own apartment. I see my kids half the time if I'm lucky, and on and on and on. And he's waiting, and like Nobody calls. Nobody's like, dude, how you doing? Need anything? Nobody. Zip zero. And then he goes on social media, probably is still kind of semi-stalking the ex and see what's going on with her, what's going on with her and her new man and everything else, right? Been there, done that. And, uh, they notice just comments galore. What do you need? We're here to help you. My friend's got a couch you can have for free. My grandma's got an apartment you can rent. She's like, she'll give you a couple months for you to get on, you know, back on your feet. And the men are sitting back going, number one, where's all this sentiment coming towards me? The number two, she was the one that did these bad things, people. And they all know this, right? So why are they trying to reward someone who did bad things and tore the family apart and everything else? Well, sometimes they don't know, number one. Um, and number two, it's not so much— I don't think in my mind like a sexist anti-man pro-woman thing. It's more of a— it's uncomfortable to approach the guy. We're not, we're not that close with him. We're not quite sure, is he one that's approachable in this kind of way? Would I be insulting him if I'm extending my hand? He's never been one to ask for help. He's never been, you know, all that good stuff. Um, so guys, what that tells you is that it's not that there's no help out there for you, but it behooves you to say help. And, um, be a little bit more aggressive about it. So, hey friend, best friend Bob, or best friend Bob and his wife, or whatever, would you guys do me a favor? Could you watch my child for the next few hours while I go and do some job interviewing, or whatever it may be? Uh, I need to take the car in to get it worked on. Would you mind watching the kid during that? Um, hey Bob, can you come help me fix my kitchen sink in my new place? I don't know how to fix it. But you know, become a bit of a pest, sure. But welcome to being part of a community. This is something that our women folk, our significant others— not necessarily romantic partners, could be mothers, sisters, friends, and so forth— what they've all realized is the importance of community, and they've done a really good job of maintaining it. And what you see with your ex and everyone jumping to her rescue, so to speak, is a reflection of that. That she has a lot more closer people to her, and she has done a good job of cultivating the social network around her that when she's on her face, whether it's by her own doing or not, a lot of people are like jumping to attention. Men do a really shitty job of that. We're just like, I don't need anybody, I'm fine. And then when shit hits the fan and you're like, hey, where is everybody? It's like, well, dude, you haven't really been the most approachable human being on the planet. Not that you're a dick, but you're not really putting yourself out there. Not really cultivating that network. And, um, this is something men need to do— new, can't speak today— need to do a better job of. Our group is a good place to start. HelpForMen.com. Go to HelpForMen.com/join. That's the brotherhood. Like-minded dudes, all there for one reason: to get help and to help other dudes. Done. So we're past the hurdle of, can I approach this person? I don't want to bother. That's what the group is literally there for. It's so funny, men are so trained to think that they're imposing on people, that they are, um, oh, overextending themselves and crossing boundaries with people and so forth just by asking for help. That we'll have guys that join our group, get into the Zoom meetings, get into the forums. What's the first thing they say? I'm sorry for posting so much. I'm sorry for this long-ass post, you know, apologies ahead of time. And it's not that long, it's like just a couple of paragraphs, that's it. You're like, really, dude? Guys will get on the Zoom meeting. I don't want to hog the whole meeting, but this is my situation. It's like, dude, that's what the group's for. You're not hurting anybody. We love it. Bring it in, dude. We're here to help you. And you could, you know, you can sense that the guys are just kind of like, thank goodness I don't have to be defensive. I don't have to hold back. I can, I can be vulnerable, and these people aren't going to hurt me. Um, they're going to be open to this, and that's what the group's all about. So check it out, guys. helpformen.com/join. There was some comments I missed here. And Mr. Irv— hello, Mr. Irv. Don't say it, Irv. I know what you're going to say. It's a running gag between Irv and myself. Irv is a member of our group. Hi, Irv. And Irv is also a licensed therapist, and he's a member of Help for Men and the Brotherhood. And we have a little running gag where he calls me Daddy. It makes me very uncomfortable. Understandably, right? Another man calling you, hey Daddy. It's an Irv thing. So, Irv, I know you're going to say it. Go ahead. You're probably laughing now, saying it out loud to yourself. Um, but anywho, uh, welcome, Irv. He says he found me via the Divorce Panic book. Cool, you're one of the few. Most people, it's a, uh, dead bedroom fix. Now we're getting more people via Divorce Panic. Um, Divorce Panic, by the way, I, I mentioned at the top of this for those that missed it, I'm writing a 5th book as we speak. It's already middle of summer. I was thinking fall, but probably more winter. I'm gonna try my best to do what I can. I don't want to rush it just to get it out there, but end of the year for sure, the book, new book. Um, and I'll tell you guys all about it. You'll be able to pre-order and all that good stuff. It's really good stuff. But I'm also in the process of kind of redoing some of the other books and their, their look. Divorce Panic, the COVID I was never quite happy with, I'm redoing the COVID of Divorce Panic, just give it a fresh, fresh look and how it, you know, fits in the series of books there that I have. And with my new book, there's going to be some overlap between Divorce Panic and it, but the new book is going to be a much, much deeper dive into rebuilding and starting over and so forth. Divorce Panic is very specific for guys going through the whole thing of divorce, being cheated on, all that good stuff. Anywho, we got Mr. Kevin saying, this is a good guy. Well, thank you, Mr. Kevin mucho. Mucha or mucho? I can't. Old. I'm sorry. Ah, Alexander. Haha rhymes with saddy. Okay, very good, Alexander. Thank you for that. Um, all right, anything else, ladies and germs? As you can see, it doesn't take much and I just get to blabbing and blabbing. A little bit pain today for those that missed it. Big Papa, that's me, suffering from shingles as we speak on my back. It's not pleasant. It also makes me feel kind of sickly too on top of it. So if I look extra pitiful today, that's my excuse. Um, there's Mr. Christoph saying, I'm here too, hello. Well, hello Mr. Christoph, welcome Christoph. We— I think we've talked about this before, where you're from. Remind me, sorry, talk to a lot of people. Polish? Krzysztof? Russian? I don't know, some Eastern European, right? Uh, how is everybody today? Good, good, glad to hear it. All right, any other questions, comments, anything, ladies and germs? That's why I'm here. If not, we can always shut her down and I can say, hey, good seeing you guys again. But, uh, normally we get some more. Polish in Scotland, Casey, that was, that was close. I remember. Uh, anything at all? Let me see, I can always go through my banners here. We talked about Bedroom Fix. Oh, there's another course that's absolutely free. Again, mywifecheated.com. Check it out, mywifecheated.com. Uh, real, real quick little video course, just what it sounds like. You've just discovered, your head's spinning, what the hell do I do now? What does this mean for me? What, I, I'm questioning my manliness? I'm okay. mywifecheated.com, check it out. Again, zero cost. The only cost, so to speak, is you put your name and email address in there. Then we have you on our mailing list, and you can always opt out of that if you don't want to. But this is how we get people into the system and then hopefully eventually join our brotherhood or come to one of our events or maybe buy a future book or what— you know the drill, all that good stuff. So, but it's our gift to you guys. So thanks for, you know, being involved and, and reaching out and commenting and everything else. We're giving back to the community, as it were, with some free books and courses. Happy Friday, says Mr. Jeff. Well, happy Friday right back to you. Mr. Kristoff says, if she cheats, I leave. Interesting, Mr. Kristoff, that you say that. Um, if you know me and you watch my material, you're probably better off leaving. Yes. Here's the big question, Ralph: you ever see a relationship, uh, rekindle after wife steps outside via an affair? No. With that being said, I'm smart enough to say that that's my world. That's not the world in general. I— you can ask a Dr. Psych Mom, Dr. Robert Glover, other people that have been professional therapists and so forth, so forth for years and years, and they'll say, oh, Ralph, we've seen plenty of people recover from a woman having an affair. It's, it's, it's illustrative of, um, my audience— very anxious guys, typically married to very avoidant women. Who just shut down when the relationship gets real. No vulnerability on her part, no, no effort to reach out and connect at a really deeper level to her partner. She just wants independence. And sometimes that independence and that back-off dude puts her in the arms of others. Ironically, men don't see this coming from what appears to be a very asexual or sexually dormant woman, is a term I often use. But here she goes, forming a relationship, relationship with others. That's a very avoidant thing. Avoidant men do the same thing. The woman's like, let's get romantic, let's go on the dates. And the guy's like, no. And then she discovers he's running around screwing or doing like massage parlors and things like that. It's a very kind of avoidant man thing to do. Anywho, uh, what a lot of men say is before the real life wife cheats on you thing occurs, if you were to ask that guy like, go back in time 5, 10 years before the big D-Day, as they call it, and say, dude, you catch your wife cheating, what are you gonna do? I guarantee you, like, 9 times out of 10, that dude's gonna say, I would freaking leave the woman. There is— I'd throw her shit on the driveway, I would call all her friends and tell them, and blah blah blah blah blah, right? That's what most dudes say. I was one of them. And then it happens to you, and it's such an acutely painful moment of holy crap, what do I do with this? And then everything hits you all at once. About to lose my kids, family unit. You'll still see the kids or whatever, but you know, just the family unit and being their 24/7 father and the comfort of this house and everything in it. I can't just leave. Does this make me a simp, chump? Does this make me a pushover? Does this make me a weakling? Why am I having these thoughts of staying? So then we have this shame spiral of feeling guilty and everything else about staying, and then, uh, Part of you wants to leave, part of you wants to stay, and you go to the wife like, can we just work on this please? And she's pushing away, no, no, no. And you're like, or she says, yeah, let's work on this. And then you're in counseling and you're like, I don't, I don't know if I want to work on this. I, I can't get these thoughts out of my head. I don't know if I can get past this awfulness. And, and on and on. It's not so simple. So most of you saying I would leave, I'm like, put yourself in the other dude choose, and you may change your tune. There's no right or wrong here. Again, let's go by what I've seen over the years. Yes, most of the relationships fail even when the dude tries all he can. Let's go to counseling, let's read books, let's— I'm willing to forgive and forget, blah blah blah. Why? Because from what I have seen— again, I keep qualifying this because just to be fair— what I, me, Ralphie Boy, have seen over the years is that with my audience, wife gets caught sneaking around is indicative of much deeper issues. It's not the thing, it's just the dynamite went off, and the dynamite has always been sitting there and had a really long fuse for years and years. Picture the dynamite, and that's been going on for years and years, and finally went kaboom, and the guy's like, whoa, where'd this come from? And then, but with hindsight, you realize 'Yeah, this has always been going on, dude. This— I should have seen this coming.' Uh, so it's the tip of the iceberg, you know. Picture the big iceberg floating and the little tip sticking out of the top of the water, but underneath that is this giant iceberg, a big ball of ice of problems, right? So when Guy says, 'I'm going to work on this,' it's not just so much forgiving, forgetting, going to counseling. It's what— from what I've seen again, my world— wifey's got a whole iceberg of problems that need to be addressed. Past abuse, past neglect, abandonment issues, substance abuse issues, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, whatever it may be. This sneaking around on her, stepping out on her family— let's call it for what it is, um, it's a pretty major deal, big thing to do. And so it's indicative of homegirl's got some problems up there. And sure enough, You ain't gonna get past all that and fix all that just by saying, 'We're all better now, right?' You better be patient, dude. Years of work. And then during all that work, you got to be super secure in yourself to say, 'I know what she did, but I'm willing to move past it.' From what I've seen, most men can't. They try like hell, they really do, but they just can't get past it. And then they eventually have the realization of, 'What the hell am I doing?' I'm wasting a lot of time and energy on a person who doesn't— just doesn't have it in her. Love her, but she did something to hurt me, and I don't think I'd get past it. And number two, I don't think she has the tools in her mental toolbox to work on this relationship for real. I just don't— she can't do it, dude. That's what I've seen. Um, make sure I'm missing a message here. Oh, no biggie. All right. So anywho, anything else, guys, gals? How about that, uh, viral story that's going around? Thought about, do I want to create a little video on a— I'm a little late to the show, all my little counterparts. I saw that, uh, Rudy from Rude Advice, I saw, uh, The Dadvocate. Oh shit, I keep hitting the microphone. Uh, Lauren, The Dadvocate, she did a little video on it. Really, she's always— she's very good at what she does. She's on top of things, good at the editing, very good at speaking on microphone and the camera, and I'm way better than I am. Um, I'm talking about that little viral story of the guy who got caught, uh, in the arms of— she was in his arms technically, canoodling with, schmoozing with a woman at a Coldplay concert. It turns out not his wife, and they did the old camera pan to the audience saying, you know, kiss cam, like, oh, look at these couples, and went to them. They did the wrong thing, man. They were— I— they were— they're in panic mode. But what they should have done is just put their arms down and stood next to each other, and that would have been it, and no one would have thought anything of it. But he like dove and hit the ground. She turned around like, oh, I've been done, I've been spotted. And then their counterpart next to them was laughing and smiling. It was obvious, busted. And got two marriages ruined over this. They were both married. Of course. And, uh, he's bigwig at some big billion-dollar company, and that was his head of HR. Oof, oof, major big no-no. Oh man. So, um, now he's already put out a statement that— not the greatest statement in the world. He didn't really take complete total ownership of it. He still had a little jabs in there, like, can't believe all you people, you know, won't mind your own damn business. Like, dude, you got busted, just own it. Move on. And, um, I guess his wife is already moving on without him. And, and adding more to the story, sorry to be Mr. Gossiping Gary here, but, um, apparently not his first rodeo. That's usually the case, men and women both. They get busted, they've probably done it before, just got away with it. And it sounds like he had issues in his past workplaces and all kinds of stuff. And not the nicest situation, but hey, it happens. You know, you're gonna play with fire like that, you have to The first thing everybody's saying during all these moments is, what were they thinking? Like, they were literally in public amongst a crowd of, I assume, thousands at this concert, right? Maybe they felt they were hiding in the crowd there, that no one will spot them. Wouldn't they worry about somebody, you know, seeing them amongst these thousands? So-and-so knows so-and-so who knows the wife kind of thing. That's ballsy. Or are they just to the point where they don't give a shit? But obviously they didn't give a shit. The way they responded, being on camera, you know, do for cover and everything, shows that they still had a lot to lose and they were worried about it. So I don't know what they're thinking, but it's, um, kind of par for the course in that world when you're deep into that world. They're obviously in a relationship with each other. It's not just some one-night fling thing, probably been going on for quite a while. You're not thinking straight. And many of us can attest to that when we have spouses who get caught doing this. And what do we always say in these situations? What was he or she thinking? I can't believe he or she did this and this, and they, they're so brazen about it. Didn't they think they'd get caught? It's like, no, they're just kind of caught in the— oh, that new relationship energy is very intoxicating. Many of us that have been married for decades forget about it. But those of us who divorce and go back into the dating market and meet somebody we fall in love with, we go, oh yeah, I forgot about this. It just hijacks your brain and hijacks your body, and you become a different human being, like completely in love and lust, all that good stuff. On top of that, with what that, that couple did that got busted, um, when you're cheating, it's that new relationship honeymoon, whatever you want to call it, dating phase. Times a million. Why? Because it's secretive, it's forbidden, naughty, titillating thing. It just amplifies everything. Sneaking off behind things and that. But these two jackasses were just brazen about it, like, look at us, yeah, we're hugging in a giant crowd of people, we don't care who sees it. And their co-worker next to them, that girl's got some— I don't know how to say it. Some explaining to do. She's got a husband. Husband's probably like, do you know about this? Obviously you did, right next to him the whole time. Do you often, you know, keep secrets like this and hang out with people that are openly cheating like this? Maybe you should have excused yourself and said, I'm not going to be a part of that. Did you know about this? Obviously she did. If you looked at her reaction, she's like, like, oh boy, you guys got busted. I'm glad I'm not you. Anyway, it's an interesting little story. Now it made the mainstream press. If you scroll through any social media feed right now— X, Twitter, Reddit, whatever— it's just that— Facebook— it's just that little video clip over and over and over again. People love to, um, sit back and watch those schadenfreude moments, taking pleasure in the pain of others. And that was some pain in somebody that most people watching that go serves them right, being so brazen like that and stepping outside of their marriages and all the other good stuff. They got what's coming to them. I don't know, I'm kind of on the keep my nose in my own business kind of thing. Like, if I was out and about and I saw some co-worker, friend, or whatever, you know, schmoozing with a woman that— or vice versa, woman schmoozing with a guy that I know is not their spouse, whatever— I'd probably just turn around and go the other way and go, didn't see that. Not my business. Staying out of that. I wouldn't go over and hang out with them and have drinks and hang out and stand next to them at the concert like that one woman did or whatever. I'd be like, I'm staying out of that drama. My attitude towards that— let me stay out of that shit. It's not my business. Who knows, maybe they're open couple, maybe they're swingers, whatever it is. I, I don't need to know in this shit. Um, I think I'm— I represent kind of the majority of people in that. And, uh, that helps to explain for some of you that have been cheated on— raise my hand, I was one of you— um, why is it that all these people around us, they kind of saw what was going on and they never said anything about it? It's like, yeah, I was wondering, I saw them two kind of schmoozing behind the grocery store, you know, a few weeks ago. And I was like, uh, did I just see what I saw? I was like, why didn't you come and tell me, dude? Uh, I just want to stay out of it, not my business. I didn't know, maybe my eyes were fooling me, maybe it was somebody else, I don't know. But 'Now that I found out, it all makes sense now.' That's what I heard from a lot of people. 'I always wondered. Now it makes sense. They seemed awful close, more close than an unmarried couple should be, you know, or married people outside of the relationship. They were awful schmoozy with each other. They, they seem to be more than friends. Why didn't you tell me?' 'Not my business, you know. I wasn't sure. I didn't want to get involved in all that.' That seems to be the, uh, the common mindset. I don't know what you guys think. A lot of people hear that go, no dude, you should tell immediately. I get it, but again, once you're faced with it, most of us are like, what do I do with this info? Unless it's like, what, your best, best buddy in the whole world, your brother or whatever, and then you'd probably face those people and go, what's going on here? What are you doing? I'm about to go tell my brother. You want to explain this? Or something like that, right? Otherwise, an acquaintance that you kind of stay out of it. Interesting little scenario there. Hey, if you guys could do me a favor, um, wherever you're watching this, click on like. That helps me. I know it's silly. Even if you don't like it, give me a like, would you please? It helps. That tells this— the almighty algorithm and all these— the Facebooks and the YouTubes and everything— that this is worth other people seeing, and then it will recommend me to other people. And Jeff says, best to stay out of your friends and family's business. Yeah, I know, but Jeff, people are about to get— I'm playing devil's advocate here, Jeff, but people are getting hurt, potentially hurt. Your friend could be, um, uh, you know, if it's your— let's say it's your dude friend and you're, uh, he's married and you think you see his wife schmoozing with some guy at a bar. You're 90% sure it was her, but there's a lingering doubt because it was in a crowd. And I don't know, is that her or not? Should I tell my buddy or not? Here's your good buddy. Yeah, let's say mild acquaintance. You work with them. I don't know, not your best buddy in the world. That guy is in for a world of hurt. He could potentially get divorced and screwed out of money and da da da because he never saw it coming. He could catch an STD. Let's go there, you know, that kind of stuff. Why not warn him? I'm with you, Jeff. Stay out of the business. That's kind of a very common human thing. What do they say when, when you're, um, being attacked? They tell women this, um, unfortunately it's a very real world thing. You're out in, I don't know, some kind of secluded area somewhere, dark parking lot, and some man grabs you. You don't yell, 'Help, help, help!' What do you yell? 'Fire!' Because when people go, help, help, help, help, they're like, oh, that's a lot of drama, a lot of danger, a lot of— I don't want to be involved in that. Fire, fire, fire, they come running, they call the police, they call the fire department, everybody comes to your rescue. Kind of a sad, uh, testimony or whatever on the human condition, but it is what it is. And we're kind of a minor league version of this, you and I, Jeff, of like, and just stay out of the business, I don't want to, I don't want to get involved in that, my life's too difficult enough as it is, I got enough drama in my life. Right, interesting. Well, ladies and germs, if there is nothing else, give you guys another minute or two to type anything here in the comments. But I appreciate you guys joining me today. Um, then we got Jeff saying, but if they— if you get in the middle of it and they get back together and you end up being the bad guy, and then you lose friends and family again, it's one of those— yeah, you never know how it's going to go. And Or what if it's the old, um, uncomfortable thing, which this— I've heard this has happened to people, not a, not a super unusual thing. Um, you see Buddy's wife out dancing with some dude, rubbing all over him, whatever. You go back to Buddy and you say, I'm sorry, man, I think your wife's cheating on you. And he looks at you and goes, none of your damn business, dude. Let's just say I'm cool with it. You're like, oh shit, okay. You realize they kind of have an open relationship, or there's swingers, or whatever it is. Again, stay out of our business, man. And then things just got weird with you, didn't it? And you're like, ah Christ, now I know my friend is that way, and am I comfortable with that? Now he knows I know, and I should have just stayed out. Several reasons why you should kind of stay out of the whole thing. It's interesting. Well guys, once again, it always happens every time I'm about to shut her down, people start comment, comment, comment. But so thanks, I appreciate it, but I do need to go, gotta eat something. I appreciate all of you. Thank you all so very much. HelpForMen.com, guys. If you're watching this, if you're a frequenter of my videos and my live streams and a frequent commenter, and you got the same issues month after month, year after year, and you're like, nobody gives a shit— yeah, we do. We have an entire community of human beings Men, that's important. Men only standing by all over the world ready to help you. We talk a lot. Forums, live Zoom meetings, we get together in person. We got courses, we got books, we got one-on-one coaching with myself. You can chat with me one-on-one if you want to. There is a fee involved, as well as other guys on the team. Learn more at help4men.com/join and join our group that we call the Brotherhood. We're here to help you guys, okay? I started this for a reason. I was in the same boat. Nobody cares. Then you'll learn, like, oh yeah, they do. You just have to go, oh, help here. And I created an avenue for doing so. So check it out there. Jeff says, love your show. Is this a show technically? It's just a random— I— not so random, I schedule them now— uh, live stream with myself. But Jeff, give me a follow, a like, subscribe wherever you're out there. Looks like Facebook. Um, I would appreciate it. And you can see all my videos and see all these other upcoming live streams. When's the next one? Ah, well, it's jumping all over the place here. My next live is not then. Well, where is it? Go live on Wednesday the 23rd at 3 PM Eastern time. I'll be back here next week. Wednesday the 23rd, 3 PM. All right guys, looking forward to it. Thank you all so very much. I appreciate all of you, and I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Stay out of trouble, stay away from a Coldplay concert, don't be screwing around on your spouse if you can help it. Uh, yeah, anyway, have fun this weekend. If you're going through some turmoil and stuff, try to set it aside for the weekend. Monday you can worry about it all over again. Take a timeout. That's what so many guys ruminate and all this stuff on all these things. Um, check out the Dad Starting Over channel on YouTube. Trying like hell to grow that thing. I had a— this kind of moment of growth, and then it's been like this for like the last year, just stagnant. So maybe hiring somebody to help out with that. Yay, more money! Uh, but if you could give me a subscribe, however it works, YouTube follow, subscribe, likes, comments, Dad Starting Over on YouTube. I would really appreciate it. All right guys, thank you all so very much, and we will catch you on the next one. A toodaloo!