Chat LIVE with Ralph (DSO)!

All right, all right, all right. Welcome everyone, it's your boy Raffalito, aka DSO, once again. All right, let me bring up my camera here. Hey, hello everyone, how are you guys doing? Long time no see. I don't know if anybody noticed I've been I haven't done one of these lives in like several weeks now, which is not like me. Um, for those that don't follow me, I usually broadcast— is that a word? Livestream. There you go. I usually livestream from a couple of different locations. I bounce back and forth between Kentucky and Texas. And for those that watch me often, the backdrop shows you that I am in Kentucky. I don't know why that cracks me up so much. I've lived in the state of Kentucky longer than any other place I've lived in in my life, and yet I still feel like an outsider, and I still make fun of the state Commonwealth pretty much on a daily basis. Sorry, Kentuckians. It's a beautiful state. It's— I don't know if you guys have been here, you know, outdoors and everything else. Mammoth Cave is amazing. It's a national park, check it out. So I think it's officially the world's longest cave. And got the rolling hills, bluegrass, all that stuff. Horses, bourbon, that's about it. But you know, if you're not from here, it's a bit of a culture shock, even after all these years of being here. Well, I already got a hello Ralph, or Ralph as you say, you've got the L there. R-A-L-P-H is the official spelling. Mr. or Miss Kiser? That's a cool name. I love cool names. Where are you from, Kaiser? And that goes for all of you guys. Where are you guys from? Whoever's joining me today live for the whole world to see, let me know where you are joining from. I always find that interesting. We always have people from all over the world. You just have guys from Australia, Canada, UK, if you're speaking, speaking English. And it's usually when I see you guys on these things. So welcome everyone. Welcome, welcome. My name is Ralph Brewer. I go by the moniker of DSO. You'll see that often online, you know, DSO, and you wonder what the hell does that mean. It stands for Dad Starting Over. Quick overview for those that are brand new to this or just seen me in passing, see my dumb bald head in little videos here and there. Um, years ago I endured a divorce. It really rocked my world. There was infidelity and other stuff involved, and we don't need to get into all that, right? It wasn't pretty. And it really shook me to the core of, what the hell? Who am I? What am I? What's my role in this world? Why did she do this? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, on and on and on. And part of my self-prescribed therapy, if you will, was to write, like a journal online. You know, blogs were really big. They're still around, obviously, but they were really, really big back then. This was some 11+ years ago. And so I blogged. And I wrote, and eventually I took the domain, the URL, the web address of dadstartingover.com. It was available, thank goodness. And so I wrote a lot, and eventually some people read it, not many. And when I wrote on the topic of sex and marriage, one of many topics that I wrote on, that usually got the most attention. You know, sex sells, right? Guys love to read about sex stuff, and women too, for that matter. And somebody suggested I should write a book, and so I did. And that book was called The Dead Bedroom Fix. I don't know if any of you have read it. Quite a bit, quite a few people have. So much so that two editions of the book came out. And by the way, drum roll, I'm working on a third as we speak. Oh, and, um, because of that book, I got a lot of eyeballs on my stuff. Dad Starting Over became a legitimate website. It eventually be— we had myself doing one-on-one consultations or mentoring or coaching to people. People paid me for my time to talk about stuff. More often than not, the dead bedroom stuff or starting over after divorce, any you know, man stuff. And, um, that got so busy that actually had to hire more people. That got so busy that we started a private group for men only, and so on and so forth. But I have another announcement. I don't know if you guys saw it. I announced this on Facebook, YouTube, via email to my followers, subscribers, you know, via email. But anyway, um, we have a new development. In the bad starting over world, if you will. Got a lot of people saying hello and tell me where they're from. Excellent. Um, oh, living in Germany, how cool. My wife's from Düsseldorf. I don't know if I told you, and I was born in Bitburg, Germany, just as a coincidence. And we got Chicago, we got New York, we got the UK. Jolly-o. All right, anywho, distracted. If you guys didn't notice, above me is a new logo. What the hell is that thing? HFM, Help for Men. What is going on? I like the little spike at the bottom, makes it look like it's a word balloon. And I'm saying that that was on purpose. Took a while to come up with this branding. I'm proud of it. Looks good. But anyway, check out help4men.com. It's a website, our new website. And I'll tell you why we did that. By the way, before I continue on, Dad Starting Over is not going anywhere. I will still be, well, you know, content creator, pumping out videos, articles. I'll still be doing that. You'll still see me in all this. I hope to grow my— continue to grow the YouTube channel, which Another pause. Boy, you can tell I got the ADHD thing going on. I'm jumping all over the place. I always mess this up. Right here. Look at that guy. That's my new YouTube plaque that YouTube sent me for hitting over 100,000 subscribers. Yay! Wait, do I have applause on this thing? Is there applause? Man, I thought I had applause. Is this applause? Yes. All right, it's enough. Anyway, yeah, I hit 100,000 subscribers on YouTube. Thank you all so very much. If you could do me a favor though, subscribing is awesome, but if you could like the videos more, I have I have like maybe a dozen of my 800 videos that have a lot of views, and the rest get like nothing. So I'm not complaining, 100,000 subscribers is awesome. But when I pump out a new video and it gets like 300 likes, I'm like, uh, hello? And more comments please. More likes, more comments, that would help me out a lot. And interestingly, I think it's 60% of my subscribers overall are from India. So the majority of the guys are from India. How cool is that? Anywho, moving on. Where was I? Oh, help for men. So here's one thing we've learned over the years, and I've been doing this Dad Starting Over thing for like 7— no, more than that, 8, 9 years or so, something like that. I wrote the Dead Bedroom Fix like 7 years ago, the first edition. But anyway, um, I got enough guys in my organization, guys in the coaching and members and so forth, and you know, and they'll be in their little world, in their personal life, and they'll have a family member or a friend that will just go on and on about marriage sucks and this sucks and that sucks, my wife's gonna divorce me, my wife cheated on me, blah blah blah. And the guy goes, oh, I got some material for you. And he says, go to this website or go to this Facebook page or go to this YouTube account or whatever. It's called Dad Starting Over. And the guy goes, eh, I don't know, it's not really for me. It's like, well, why? A lot of reasons. Number one, a guy will go, I'm not a dad. So right away, the brand kind of repels them. Like, I'm not a dad, it's not for me. It's not good. I'm not starting over. I want to save my marriage, not divorce. All right, so the start over thing, to a lot of people, the connotation is divorce. It's not necessarily, you know, whatever. And then we have some guys look at the logo. Do I have it here on me? I don't. But if you know the Dad Starting Over logo, it was, it was up on when I first started this thing, the little muscular bald dude, right? Little superhero with the DSO. Some people look at that and they're like, I guess you could say offended by it, or that really turns them off is probably a more apt description. They just see that and looks kind of— it's not really me. I'm not hyper-masculine, superhero-y, yada yada yada. This must be some misogynistic horseshit. So they're repelled by it. So we lose guys that we could potentially be helping through the coaching, through the books, through videos, because they're just like, I'm not a dad starting over, don't like it, goodbye, see you later. We hear that all the time.. And we also have some people that are like, uh, I'm in the organization, I'm a part of your group, I buy your books, I watch your videos nonstop, but I can't tell other people about this because I don't want them to know I'm looking at Dad Starting Over stuff. They're all going to think I'm divorcing, they're all going to blah blah. All right, so anyway, um, and Sharam says hello. Hello, Sharam. Sharam is, uh, one of our longtime members, um, and Shahram, one of my personal faves. Shahram's a real sweetheart. He's a good guy anyway, and he's been to almost all of our BroFests, I think. Have you been to all of them, Shahram? BroFest, that's our annual in-person gathering. We've been in several different places. But anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. So we decided to create this new brand. Again, Dad Starting Over DSO, not going anywhere. It'll stay there. It'll be pumping out content nonstop. But the business side of things will all be under a new brand called Help for Men. Much more broadened scope. The brand is much more appealing to a broader range of individuals. It allows us to appeal to more other content creators. You know, we envision like a, a DSO, a Dad Starting Over, being one of many content creators that fall under the Help for Men umbrella, if you will. We call it as being part of the Help for Men network. And if you are a content creator and you're watching this and that sounds appealing to you, if you're pumping out content that may be appealing to, uh, you men, helping men, reach out to me. We may have a way to incentivize you to help promote our private group, become a member of it, and we actually will split the member fees that come in with the content creators that help promote us. So reach out to me, Ralph.B. That's Ralph.B as in boy. Ralph.B@help4men.com. My other email still works, DSO@dadstartingover.com. Or you can message me on Facebook, YouTube. You get the idea. But anyway, so we want to spread the word. We want to help more men. We want to grow the private group. We want to grow these, uh, in-person conferences so we can have more than just one per year in the US. We have met in— we've met in Austin, Texas. We've met in Nashville, Tennessee, Las Vegas. New Orleans was our last one. That was awesome. And we're going to have another one next year. We already got it picked out. We already got the spot. We're going to limit it though to just 10 guys. Because it's going to be a special one. And we're going to meet in Charleston, South Carolina, specifically Isle of Palms, which is the beach community right next to Charleston. We have a big house right on the beach. We're going to do all of our presentations, workshops, interactions with our members right there in the house on the beach. We'll have day one, we'll have a cookout right on the beach there. Uh, you know, the house has a pool, hot tub. It's literally feet away from the ocean. It's pretty awesome. So I'm really looking forward to that. That's going to be May next year. So, Sharam, have you joined us yet? You should— signed up yet, I should say. Um, would love to have you. And, uh, for our members, they can pay a flat fee or they can pay a monthly payment, 12 monthly payments to, uh, cover the cost of that. These events are not cheap. That's one thing we learned over the years. Oh my gosh, if you want to get a bunch of guys together and have a venue and food and drink and— but It's expensive, and all of these places are getting more and more expensive, and they are a pain in the tuchus to deal with— hotels and venues. And so we decided, let's, let's keep it as simple as possible and rent the big house, you know, for day one, get all the food ourselves, prepare it ourselves, have a big cookout. And then for the other nights, it's a 3-night affair, so the other 2 nights we will go elsewhere for food and drink, do the presentations, things. Workshops and so forth right on the beach. Gives— cut it down to just 10 guys, so it gives guys more one-on-one time with myself and other guys on the team. Let's see how it goes. If this is a good model and it's successful, we will replicate it easier and have possibly multiple meetings per year. But anyway, help4men.com, you can see the logo above my head. I actually have, uh, you know, so here's a blow-up of the logo so you can see up close. Boom, here's what it looks like. And, uh, our private group that I mentioned. The private group used to be under the DSO brand. That doesn't really make sense anymore. All the business stuff, uh, the courses, the coaching, the private group, the books will all be sold under Help for Men. Um, so the private group, instead of being called the DSO Fraternity, will now be called— drum roll— uh, the Help for Men, or HFM Brotherhood. Um, so if you're part of the brotherhood, excellent. Go to help4men.com/join. I'm going to put that in the comments here. Bear with me for a second. Help4men.com/join. Did that go through? Yes, it did. Help4men.com/join. Uh, go to that address. You know what, did that not make it as a link? Let me do it again just to be sure. I don't know if that will render that as a link that you can click on. But if I put the HTTPS, helpformen.com— yeah, looks about the same. All right, anyway, helpformen.com/join and check out our— let me bring myself back here, um, check out our private group for men only. Uh, what do we do in that, uh, private group exactly? Well, we have private discussion forums. Uh, at one point we did the stats where Facebook shows you— like, we use Facebook for the, the busiest forum is a private Facebook group. No one can see that you're on it, no one can see what you type, nothing. It's completely private. That's our most active. And last time we ran some stats on that, it showed that we had over 50,000— 5-0— 50,000 individual discussions started. That's nuts. And I think that was like a year or two ago, so I'm going to say we're up to like, I don't know, maybe 70,000 individual discussions. It's extremely active 24/7 because we got guys from around the world in that group. We also have a Discord server, not as active as Facebook, but it's getting there. And I personally like Discord better. It's more, um, I don't know what you say, multifaceted. You can do a lot of different things, you know, you can have anyway all kinds of cool stuff in there. Facebook is kind of limited but very, very popular for discussion forums. In addition to those discussion forums— again, this is all just men only— uh, we also have live Zoom meetings. So myself and other guys on our team host meetings. You can meet face to face, so to speak, talk about a variety of different topics, issues. Bring your issues, everyone talks about it. Very cool stuff. We do on average, I think, 2 or 3 meetings a week, and we record all of them so that if you miss a meeting, which most guys do, you can listen back to the recording of it. And we actually have those recordings available to everybody, uh, basically in kind of like a podcast format. And you can put that on your phone. If you're a member, you get a link that clicks and it adds it to your podcast player on your phone, and you can sit there and listen to the archive of all of our past meetings. And I think we're up to like over 700 hours of freaking meetings by now. So you're never going to run out of audio to listen to. Because as soon as you think you made a dent in it, we just keep adding more and more and more. We also have a podcast just for our Brotherhood members, which is basically like monologues by myself and others. And all the books that I've written— I've written 4 books: Dead Bedroom Fix, Divorce Panic, Real Talk, and Red Flags. And Austin, one of our coaches, he wrote his own book called Why Sex Ends After Kids. And how to fix it. His book is now also available for free. All those books for free, PDF format for Austin's only for now. For my books, it's PDF and audiobook format, and you can add the audiobook, uh, stream, audio stream to your phone just like the podcast and the meeting. So we got a lot of cool stuff. Plus we also meet in person. Plus you get discounts on the coaching I talked about. General public pays one fee, you pay about, if you're a member, about half the price. Same thing for courses. Courses are turned off right now on the Help for Men site. We're going to redo them and rebrand them as Help for Men. Be patient as we go through that. In addition, the Help for Men website now has lots of new articles, videos on there, so check those out. Help for men.com. And coming soon is a directory of therapists. You could search for a therapist, use your city, state— I even think country. We'll eventually put on there different countries. In addition to a directory of family law attorneys. If you are a therapist or a family law attorney and you'd like to be added to that list, uh, let me know. We're thinking for now for free to list you on there, but eventually we will have, um, highlighted or, or, uh, spotlighted entries, if you will. So you'll be promoted more so over others, and we'll charge a fee for that eventually. But for now, we're gonna list them for free. HelpForMen.com, HelpForMen.com/join. I even think we have HFMBrotherhood.com. That will take you to that same page. Anyway, so big stuff for us. So check it out. Um, this is where I open up to you guys and I say this is when you bring any, any and all questions. Um, you probably have seen my material. If you're new to this, you've seen videos, uh, by myself under the Dad Starting Over moniker, if you will. You're probably watching this on a Dad Starting Over account on YouTube or Facebook. This is also being simulcasted on the Help for Men Facebook page. If you haven't joined that yet, please do so. I believe all of our social media handles for Help for Men are going to be slash or at— what do you call it— Real Help for Men. So twitter.com/realhelpformen. Instagram, Real Help for Men. Facebook, Real— you get the idea. So check it out. Don't have anything out there yet, just yet, but we will. We'll start sharing stuff from Dad's Turning Over, from other content creators, some custom stuff, or if you will, unique stuff from Help for Men articles and so forth. So be a good one to add to your newsfeed. Um, welcome everyone once again. Uh, we got Germany, UK, New York, Chicago, I lived in Peoria, Illinois. Where'd Chicago go? Melinda, howdy Melinda! I lived in Peoria for years. Do you know where Peoria is? P-Town, uh, just south of Chicago. All right, here we go. Guitar God 365. Well, right away I like you because guitars— oh, I mentioned since last time I did a live, I got— God, I can't ever get the fingers down thing. This Excuse me. This is a, um, PRS Paul Reed Smith McCarty. What do they call it, 594? So I always get the number right. 5— whatever. McCarty. Um, it's like a Les Paul knockoff. Um, SE version, not the American version. American version is— yeah. And, um, over here I have a G&L Legacy ASAT, which is kind of like a Telecaster. Both are foreign, not the American-made. So I got— I sold my— for the guitar dudes like Guitar God here, um, I sold my PRS Silver Sky, which is the John Mayer model. And, uh, from that one sale, I was able to buy these two new guitars. How cool is that? And they are awesome. Really, really cool. It really got my creative juices flowing again. I've been playing a lot more guitar than ever lately. And behind me, for those that don't know— oh shit, you can't see it. That little— damn it— that boombox looking thing back there is a Kemper Profiler. So for guitar people, that all made sense. For everybody else, you're bored to death. But back to Guitar God 365. He says, question: why do women lose libido in monogamy if they want the man to stay around to help with the kids? Oh, seems like a fast way to get him to leave. Um, Guitar God is referring to a— I guess you say a phenomenon, a trait that, um, I didn't make this up. I, you know, I've learned this along with everybody else over the years. There are books and a lot of material out there by women. This isn't like a male conspiratorial thing. In fact, most men want to not believe this, believe it or not. Um, Esther Perel, I quote her all the time because I, I admire her a great deal. I love her stuff. Our buddy Dr. Psych Mom, Dr. Samantha Rodman-Whiten, There's another gal who's a PhD, Wednesday Martin. Who else? I think maybe even anthropologist Helen Fisher dabbles in this a bit. A lot of women. I admire a lot of women writers that write on this topic, topics, which is relationship-oriented stuff. And one of the things that all these ladies say is, oh, we pretty much know for a fact that When women enter into a safe, committed, long-term monogamous relationship— marriage, for example— boy, their libido or sexual desire knob seems to get cranked down. Yes, even with all things being equal. So ladies, don't— ladies always get really, really pissed when I bring this up. I'm like, I'm just quoting what the late— what other ladies say. These ladies, you know, with PhDs and things after their names, Dr. So-and-so, psychologist, right? They'll say the same thing. But even with all things being equal, even when the guy does 90% of the chores in the house, even when the guy— it could be the most egalitarian household on the planet. He could be the biggest lover in the world. He could look like a Greek god, right? But his wife, if she's like the average wife, not Evorie, But there's, there's enough here where we can talk in platitudes. It's a trend, right? And the trend is, let's say, on the libido— on the libido— libido is another word for sexual desire, sex drive. On the libido scale of 1 to 10, I always joke, the man at the early stages of the relationship is like a 10. And then as time marches on and you're together with this woman for 10, 20, 30 years, If we were to somehow hook up some kind of machine to test his libido, it would go from a 10 to like a, I don't know, like an 8.5. Still pretty high. I, again, I always joke that if the, the guy had a really bad day at work, people were fired, he doesn't know if he's going to get fired tomorrow, he's not feeling too well, yada yada, and he walks in the door at home and he's just destroyed, and the wife looks at him and says, you want to go to the bedroom and get it on? He's probably going to say yes. That's men for you, right? We seem to have this— thank you, testosterone— we seem to have this baseline level of libido or sexual desire that's just there and ready. It's like Mother Nature has imprinted us with this so we can continue to make more babies, right? Which is why we make millions and millions of sperm. Anywho, but for the ladies, let's say on a scale of 1 to 10, her libido It doesn't quite match the husband's usually, not always, usually. Let's say it's like an 8 out of 10 at the early stage, the honeymoon stage. And then they get married and it goes to like a 6. And then, you know, they move in together, get married, 10 years goes by, it's now a 5. And then they have children, children number 1, 2, 3. And next thing you know, she just rips the knob off and throws it away. Off the machine. That's what we see with a lot of ladies. And it takes some skills, some work, some know-how to— you'll never get it back up here again on a consistent level like what you had at the honeymoon stage. Rarely. There are some things you can do. Some women report, uh, hormonal replacement therapy really helps crank that up for some women, not all. But there are other things you can do. The man can do things to generate more sexual desire in the woman in terms of Well, let's say he's a disgusting slob and he recreates himself into a really handsome, dressed well, fit individual. Can't hurt. And sometimes it really, really helps. She goes from a 0 to a 4, let's say, on the libido scale with changes that he does. And then, um, the man really steers the ship as far as the relationship— the relationship boat is concerned. He's steering it and he says, we have to have date night at least twice a week. We have to get away from the kids. Once a weekend, every quarter, we have to go on vacation with each other. We have to go dancing with each other. Yes, it's— from what I've seen, a lot of the time the man has to kind of drive the ship. And then he can see kind of like blips on the radar, like, oh, there's the old girl back again, there's the old girl back again. Invariably, she always comes back to like what we call mom mode. And but we see those little spikes, there's the girl. That's what keeps us men going, seeing those spikes. So the question is Why does that happen? Well, dude, what I and others have kind of come to the conclusion is it's difficult to try and kind of— I don't know if anthropomorphize is the right word— trying to apply a human emotion or human reasoning to something where it maybe doesn't necessarily belong. But we try to understand, like, what the hell's going on here? Why does this happen? It seems that our natural inclination as the human animal is Mother Nature imprinses us with this programming that says, I, I'm so horny and I'm so attracted to this person and we click at a level, which is— we don't have that same click with everybody, it's relatively rare, but oh, I found one I click with. And Mother Nature says, yeah, you click for a reason, there's biological reason here why you are so attracted to this person, get together with them and make babies. So The, the, uh, the libido goes through the roof for both of us, and we just can't keep our hands off each other if this is a good relationship and you're a good match. I know unfortunately it doesn't happen for a lot of people in relationships. Sorry. But anyway, and, um, so it wants us to get together and make babies, proliferate the species, procreate. That's what all of these, uh, that's what all this, this mating dance is for, this, you know, courtship and everything else, to make babies, to make more humans. Every species does the same thing. We're animals, sorry. And, um, so we get hitched and we procreate and make babies. And Mother Nature also imprints in us some programming to keep us both around to make sure that the baby is properly— if you want to use a biological term— weaned, meaning taken care of in the infancy stage to the point where it's more self-sufficient and they don't need mom and dad to hover over them 24/7 to make sure they're still alive and fed and everything. You know, when the kid starts walking around and other things, um, it seems that the programming is imprinted within us that says when we get to that post-baby weaning stage and everything's good, Mother Nature kind of imprints in both of us, well, I guess we're done here. We kind of start drifting apart. I know it's sad, but we have a lot of things that seem to back that notion up. Men start looking elsewhere. Women are like, "Husband? What husband? I don't even think about the dude anymore. I'm so concerned with kid and everything else that sex and the idea of being with my husband in that way, gone." Not every woman, but a lot of women report that. They have to be physically reminded. A lot of them talk about, "I have responsive desire. I have to actually start the act of intercourse with my husband in order for me to go, 'Oh yeah, that's why I like it. I forgot.'" Well, men are like, what? We just sit there and look at our wife's, you know, butt as she walks across the kitchen. We're ready to get it on. Women aren't necessarily like that. So it seems that we have, you know, programming within us to make us drift apart. Why? Why would, why would Mother Nature want us to drift apart like this? To go make more babies with other people, to proliferate our DNA. You know, this is kind of like evolutionary psychology kind of talk and theorizing and so forth, but every other animal species does the same damn thing. A lot of people like to point to certain species of birds and prairie voles and everything remain together, you know, in a monogamous sexual relationship for a lifetime. Even that has a lot of holes in it when you kind of research strict, strict, strict sexual monogamy. Is almost unheard of. What seems to be within the human animal kingdom more common is polygyny, one man, multiple female mates, because he can spread his seed elsewhere. And we as humans seem to want to try to accomplish this in a lot of different ways. Cheating, not good, but a lot of men do it. Not most men, but a lot of men do it. Um, women too. Not gonna let you off the hook, ladies. Um, what's another way in which we can accomplish this? Uh, polygyny. Um, I just mentioned that. Not polygyny, excuse me. Um, serial monogamy. Thank you. How can monogamy be serial? Because you pair bond, form a bond with this person, I love them more than anything, make kids, and then slowly divorce or drift and then divorce and do it all again with somebody else. We as a society have given our blessing to that. A lot of people get divorced and have kids with somebody else. It's Mother Nature's way. Mother Nature finds a way. And so why do we do that? Proliferate the species. Um, it's almost like, why does the woman's libido crank down? It can be looked at, if you want to look at it really negative ways, she's kind kicking you out of the nest. Beat it, dude, your job's done. We made the kid, the kid's fine, we don't need you anymore. Get the hell out of here. But we have to fight against that because we're— most of us watching this, most of us in the comments here are what we call, uh, monogamous people who would prefer to remain that way and would prefer to find a partner for life if at all possible. Well, got your work cut out for you. You gotta fight a lot of impulses. I mean, the world of pornography and sex workers and so forth, that— I mean, it's the world's oldest profession for a reason, prostitution. We have a pretty strong instinctual drive to mate with other people, and we have to fight against that, and we have to do little things that keep us connected, that fight that drifting apart and to bring us back together. And, um, takes a lot of work. And, uh, you say, uh, Guitar God, that boy, that seems like a fast way to get the guy to leave. Think again, buddy. I got plenty of men that I talk to that have been in sexless relationships for decades, man. Decades. I'm blown away by that too. I don't get it, but we have a lot of guys that are very codependent. They have mental and emotional issues, and to be alone scares them half to death. They would rather endure the hell of being with somebody than the unknown possible positive world that awaits them, or life that awaits them, because that potential life could be even worse. That's how they think. It's sad. I feel sorry for the guys, but that's their world. But wow, I talked a lot. Holy shitballs. We're already a half hour into this. Thank you, Guitar God. And Melinda. Oh, far south. It's not that far south. Peoria, that's 2 hours. It takes 2 hours to go from Peoria to Chicago. It's not that far. I— it's considered— Peoria is considered like north central Illinois, if I remember right. Yeah. Um, anybody else? So Warwick asks, uh, how does that explain anxious attachment? What do you mean by that? What— how does what explain anxious attachment? Anxious attachment is basically you as a um, thanks to something that happened to you earlier in your life, or things repeatedly happening to you earlier in life. Childhood— you, you are raised in a certain way amongst people, um, amongst a mom and dad who raised you in a certain way, treated you a certain way. Certain emotional milestones in life caused you to grow into an adult who is anxiously, or has what we call preoccupied attachment towards your mate, meaning you are overly concerned with them, their feelings. Are they going to leave you? Are they cheating on you? Um, why are— why did they say that to me? Are they mad at me? What can I do to not make them mad at me? We're going to talk about this, damn it. Uh, listen to this podcast, sweetie. This will help us become better. We need to work on our sex life. Read this book. I signed us up for marriage counseling. If any of that sounds familiar to you, you are an anxious person, and you have that anxious, that anxious or preoccupied form of attachment. That doesn't really have anything to do necessarily with what I talked about with why does, uh, the woman's libido seem to die down in monogamy. Um, how do you see, Warwick, that the connection there? Um, are you saying that people wouldn't be so anxiously attached if they in fact had that underlying programming to drift apart, uh, sure. But a lot of dysfunction and pathology mentally, emotionally, in people causes them to do a lot of things that makes the rest of us go, what? You know, murder. You could be raised in a certain way that causes you to become a serial killer. That doesn't make any sense, you know. Evolutionarily or biologically, just run around killing people at random. Okay, um, I was just listening to something the other day about Ted Bundy. What a psycho that guy was, all because of he had pretty shitty upbringing. And, um, but people have a tendency not to be a serial killer and rapist like he was. Anyway, that's an extreme example, but you know where I'm getting at with that. Um, anything else? Ladies and Germs, help4men.com, help4men.com/join. If you're a man, join our private group for men only. Um, and Warwick says, yeah, that's what he was getting at. So there's a lot of, there's a lot of shit, dude, in the human behavior that makes people go, what? And a lot of it's very dysfunctional. And a lot of, you know, I am of the mind when I listen to 90% of these stories of men hanging on and highly dysfunctional, unhealthy relationships where I just go, um, dude, what the hell are you doing? None of this makes a damn bit of sense. This woman has abused you. This woman has cheated on you. This woman's doing drugs. This one's doing— and you just keep hanging on. And you're in your, you know, reaching out to me for coaching because you want to learn how to turn this relationship around and make it sexy again. And I'm just like, dude, you got way bigger fish to fry than that. And you realize after talking to the guy, he's just basically a broken little boy. It's sad. You feel sorry for the guys. But, um, and there are a lot of women are like that too. I'm not just picking on men. It's just the fact that I talk to men 99.9% of the time. And then Guitar Guy says, Ted Bundy has a lot of female fans, LOL. What's up with that? Yeah, I don't know. That's an interesting phenomenon, isn't it? Um, there is, uh, um, yeah, anybody who's, you know, been a I guess a fan of true crime or whatever, they'll say, you know, it's a well-known fact that if you got like some kind of serial killer, mass murderer guy, as soon as that dude goes to prison, he just starts getting fan mail like crazy. Um, but it ain't your mom or your grandma that's sending, uh, the fan mail, is it? Um, in other words, it's not your normal everyday run-of-the-mill chick. These women got serious freaking problems. Um, they're— let's just say it. I hate to use this word because it has no scientific basis, but they're nuts. You got to be a little nuts to be a fan of a serial killer. You know, I watched a documentary that is so disturbing on Netflix. You haven't seen it already? Uh, what's it called? American Murder? American— something like that. Um, where in it's, it's all the story is retold via, uh, police body cam footage, security cam footage. It's very, very well done. It's on Netflix. And, uh, it— not to spoil it, but it ends up that, uh, the guy, the dad that they're, um— I don't know if that's his name or not, um, Chris Watts, he said. Could be the dad that they're following around because his wife and two kids disappeared. That's what the, the documentary starts with. This guy comes home and wife and kids are gone. What the hell, man? Let's— a lot of mystery. Let's figure out what happened to them. Well, it turns out he murdered them. Why? Because he had a new gal, a new young gal he was in love with, and the wife and kids were just in the way of that. Dude's a psycho. So instead of just divorcing and going through all that, he's like, nah, I better kill the wife and kids. So he had a real break from reality. He lost his marbles and he killed everybody and then tried to hide the fact. And you watch in this documentary as this guy goes through the motions, and you realize what a psycho he is. Well, any person watching that would just— you, you end up watching that movie and you just feel dirty at the end because it's just so gross and it's just so wrong and it's just so evil. Sure as shit, that guy goes to prison and he— I guess he's just got mountains of fan mail from women that are just like, I believe in you, your wife was a monster, and those kids deserved it. I mean, really, that's nuts. Those women are nuts. Sometimes the, uh, the simplest answer is the right one. There are crazy people out there. Um, uh, his story is also that his wife wanted to have sex with him, but he kept rejecting her. Well, because he had the other relationship going on with the other woman the whole time, and she suspected that. If you watch that movie, she was texting— they had all the text messages from her to her friends. She's texting her friend saying, I don't know what's going on with this guy. He doesn't want anything to do with me. I keep coming on to him and he keeps rejecting me. And they're like, there might be somebody else. I think he's cheating on you. And sure enough, he was. And so it goes along with that. Yeah, crazy. Anything else, guys? About 40 minutes into this. I prefer not to hear myself blab on and on. HelpForMen.com. Check out the website, please. A lot of articles on there. Check them out. Share them. Um, I've embedded some videos on there as well from the DSL world, and a lot of good stuff on there. And helpformen.com/join, our men's group called the HFM Brotherhood. We already have hundreds of members on there from around the world. Join us, we would love to have you. And our next annual gathering is coming up May 2025 in Charleston, South Carolina. We're gonna have a house Excuse me, a house right on the beach. That's gonna be cool. Looking forward to that. Um, anybody else? Going once, twice. If not, thank you all so very much. I appreciate you all a great deal. Thank you for helping me hit the 100,000 subscriber mark on YouTube. As you can see by the, the, uh, the— what do you call that— plaque, award, whatever, from YouTube right there. That's what that is. This signifies 100,000. Um, And I think— I'm going to think about the plaques for on the next— is it 500,000 or a million? I don't know what the next level is, but there's different tiers like gold and diamond or platinum or something like that. And this is just your basic 100,000 one. That's the first plaque you get from YouTube. Pretty cool. And that over there— pointing with my bald head— that over there is a boomerang that I got from our, uh, um, Brotherhood I was about to say fraternity— brotherhood members from Australia. So we have in our private men's group, we have a lot of guys from Australia, and they gave me that little plaque that says thank you from all of them. So that's very nice. And I already talked about my guitars. That's, that's all you get for today, folks. Thank you all again so very much. Appreciate you all. Keep following Dad Starting Over. Check out Help for Men, helpformen.com, and I will see you— hold on a second, hold on a second. It's always right when I'm about to say, and then another one comes on. Guitar God says, any thoughts on women who cheat if it makes them more, more sexual with their husband? Ever heard of that? Well, sure. Why? They're turned on. In fact, that's one of the signs of potential for infidelity with women is, you know, we talked about the knob, the range. Like, she's— she went from a a 3 on the libido scale all of a sudden to a 10. It just comes out of nowhere. And these guys will tell me this, and I'm like, my first cynical thought after doing this for so many years is, uh-oh, something's going on here. And then I'll say, has she dropped a lot of weight? Yes, she has. Dressing younger? Yeah. Any unexplained, um, lapses in time where she kind of disappears, you don't know where the hell she is? "Maybe." "Is she on her phone an awful lot?" "Yeah, 24/7." "Does she hide her phone?" "Yeah." I was thinking, oh God, dude. It's, yeah, for some, not all, and by the way, men and women both, the energy you get from a new partner, especially a new partner that you're sneaking around with, that can't be duplicated 100% within the confines of the typical marriage. It's unfair to compare the two because a new partner and a new partner in a secret relationship is so, um, hypersexualized, and it's such a turn-on that that could in fact spill over into the relationship, and she takes— brings that energy home to husband. I mean, there are people that engage in open relationships, open, like they both know that they're screwing around with other people. And those people that are wired that way, what they will report is that when we get back together as our— with our primary partner, we are more turned on than what we were before. The human animal, we're turned on by relationships with others, new people. And again, it could be so much so that it spills over into the traditional primary relationship, or it causes you to break from them completely, go the other way. All right, all right, Guitar God, pause there. Because I'm going to officially shut it down here. Been about 45 minutes. Thank you all again so very much. Appreciate you all. HelpForMen.com, HelpForMen.com/join, Dad Starting Over. Follow on all the social media. Appreciate all of you. Thank you all so very much, and I hope you have a wonderful— oh, we're at the weekend. Oh, have a wonderful weekend, guys. Toodaloo.