Chat LIVE with Ralph!

Alright, it appears I'm working now. Hello everybody! Little impromptu live with the glasses. My eyeball's been bothering me lately. Uh, allergies and stuff, I don't know. So I'm going with the glasses. They are not glare-free. Look at that, you can see everything going on there. Hmm. Not the greatest thing in the world, but we'll live with it. I assume I'm out there live right now. Let's see. Yep, it is. Welcome everybody, it's your boy Raffalito. HelpForMen.com, clear my throat, and DadStartingOver.com. Dad Starting Over is the name I've been doing content under for quite a while now, over 10 years now. Started off as a blog, now it's a lot of videos, probably at this point thousands of them. We put out a ton of content every day, in case you couldn't tell, on Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, Instagram. So thank you all for following. In 2004, we launched the Help for Men brand. You can learn more at helpformen.com. All the books you can see behind me, 3 of the 4 or 5 books that we have for sale are, um, on helpformen.com, as well as courses, as well as free articles and videos, as well as a membership group for men only called the Brotherhood. The HFM, Help for Men Brotherhood. You can learn more at helpformen.com/join if you want to go right to the old join page for the Brotherhood. We have all kinds of cool stuff available in our membership group for men only. Men only, sorry ladies. Let me see if I can— there, some of the glare's gone, very good. What do we do in the group? We get together and we talk. Us men, about all kinds of issues. We talk about the dead bedroom thing, we talk about the divorce thing, starting over after divorce, we talk about dating after divorce, we talk about relationships in general, fitness and health, finances, career, you, you name it, we talk about it away from the gaze of the ladies and our friends and family in our lives. It's all private, no one can see what you talk about. Our discussion forums are extremely busy, and we've had tens, probably at this point 50,000, 60,000 unique discussions have been started on those forum since we began several years back. We also have live Zoom meetings. We get together on average 6 to 8 times a week. I host, other guys on the team host meetings, and we talk about all kinds of cool stuff. We have all my books, those that you see behind me, as well as a couple more that are not behind me, no extra charge to our members. They get to download the ebook version, listen to the audiobook version, those Zoom meetings that I mentioned They're all recorded, and we do that because a lot of guys like, oh, I really wanted to listen in on this meeting about so-and-so topic, but I was busy with work. And well, here you go, here's a recording of said meeting. And we give those recordings to our members, members only. And we have a, like, a giant, uh, what we could say, archive of these meetings. Over 1,000 hours of meetings have been recorded. Pretty cool stuff. Lena says, I'm a woman, I'll leave, goodbye. Well, don't, don't go so fast, Lena. The, uh, the group, the private group is for men only, uh, but I have a lot of ladies that watch my material, get involved in these lives, and, uh, well, I— we are not He-Man woman haters by any stretch of the imagination. Now, some guys in my comments may not be so nice towards the ladies, but we do have, uh, but within our organization, we're very welcoming of ladies, just not within our private group, the Brotherhood. That says the name implies, just for dudes only. It's pretty important dudes, um, dudes don't feel really comfortable talking about a lot of the vulnerable stuff with the ladies when the ladies are around. It's— I always joke that, um, you could, you know, get a room full like 50 dudes, and I've done this, by the way, in events that we've hosted. I forgot to mention, we actually get together in person in the States once a year for a big conference, and then our guys in Australia— we, yes, we're pretty big, we have guys all over the world, Australia is a big market for us— they get together once a year as well. But anyway, um, you know, we've had conference rooms filled up with dudes and it'll be emotional stuff. And I often joke that, you know, sometimes guys cry and hug and talk and do all that vulnerable, not so macho stuff. But what's interesting, um, how ironic, a lady enters the room and boy, you see a lot of eyes dry up and guys sit up straight as if nothing's wrong. Kind of interesting, isn't it? Why is it that men feel, um, they have to be so stoic and and not so vulnerable and not so quote unquote weak. It's the wrong term, but that's what a lot of guys use. Why do they shut all that off when there's a woman in the room? When there's like a loved one, female loved one they're trying to impress, whether it's, you know, girlfriend or wife or sister, mom, whatever. Why is it that men just feel like they gotta suck it up and not be so vulnerable? Well, So a lot of reasons why we could go on and on about that. But this is basically one of many reasons why we need a men's group, a fraternal organization just for men only. We're not the first to come up with this idea. These have been around for generations and generations. It just seems like we're getting away from that. And our group is special in that we have a lot of guys that have dealt with the issues that you see on Dad Starting Over and Help for Men, with the my wife cheated on me, with the my wife and I haven't touched each other in years, and I'm divorced now. And this dating thing is really tough. This career thing is tough. This making money thing is tough. This quarantine thing is tough. We don't just get together and drink beers and say, hey, how about them bears? Doesn't really get much done. We're a bunch of guys that are all trying to help each other out. That's what the group's all about. Um, anyway, sorry, distracted here by comments. The comments are coming in slowly but surely. We have— we are simulcasting, if you will, to YouTube as well as to Facebook. And Mr. Mysterio from Facebook— pardon me, from YouTube— says, uh, is there any couples? I think you to say, are there any couples— grammar, Mysterio, I'm just teasing you— are there couples that are over the moon with each other from 20 to 90-something? Sure, I, I get— I'm not sure what you're getting at, Mysterio. Are you saying that men that, um, men and women couples that have been with each other for a while— is it— is such a thing as over the moon with each other? What's the origin of said question? Are you saying it's kind of sad if they're not? Because no, the majority are not. Are there some that are? Sure. I've known couples that just can't keep their hands off of each other, you know, old couples, and just smooching all over each other and love each other to death. And the guy's bringing flowers to his wife every day, you know, one of those couples, those nauseating couples. They exist, sure. And, um, I did a— I posted a video that got really popular, got like millions of views. I put— so I posted it a few times. It was not my video, it was, uh, somebody did like a montage of clips of a young couple. They appeared to be in their 20s, where the man was coming home from work and greeting him at the door on the steps, um, was his very attractive young wife just bouncing up and down and giving him a hug like, "Yay, my husband came home!" And I posted it as like, from what I hear from a lot of men, that's basically what every man would love to have, just a doting spouse who's just like, "Yay, the guy I love is home!" That's it. That's all. We would love to have that. And some of the comments in there, instead of saying, oh, how sweet, it's basically where I went with it. Like, oh, look at this young, sweet couple together. Wouldn't that— don't we all— wouldn't we all just love to have something like that? Thankfully, I'm blessed enough to say I have something like that with my wife and I. But anywho, you saw some comments in there that were just heartbreaking. Men saying, never have seen it ever in anyone I've ever known, period. People saying it's a fallacy, it's a lie, obviously because they're young, they don't have any kids yet. As soon as they have kids, everything goes to hell, and everything in between. So kind of sad. So maybe that's where you're going with this, Mysterio, is that— is that even possible? Sure. Is that probable? Eh, over the— over the moon, I guess. That's a subjective thing. What does that mean exactly? We got Peter— oh, I'm not going to even try to, uh, say your last name— greetings from Transylvania. Well, how cool is that? Say hello to, um, I'm sure you've heard this a million times, but the Count Dracula. Ooh, that was a good— that's not a good, uh, Dracula imitation. Ooh, sounds like he's got a problem. Um, I bet you hear that all the time. Do they have, like, in Transylvania, do they have, like, like, uh, Count Dracula festivals and all that kind of stuff? I'm sure they do, don't they? You know, in the state of Kentucky, there's a Transylvania University. That was, that was interesting. I wonder if they have anything related to the old count there too. But, uh, welcome, welcome, brother. I think you're officially the first— pardon my yawning— I think you're officially the first, um, Transylvanian that we've had on here. Very cool. Where else is— where is everybody else from? I love to hear where people are from, always interesting. We've got already, we're hitting, uh, Mysterio. I don't know where Mysterio's from. We got Peter from Transylvania. Jamie says, "Hey." Well, hey Jamie, good to see you. This is, oh, there's Graham, the old, one of our faves, right, from Australia? Is that right, Graham? Welcome, and it's good to have you on here. Hmm, a frequent contributor to the comments and so forth on videos and everything else. And, um, good to have you on here. Does anybody have any questions, comments, anything at all for yours truly while I'm on here? I'm not going to be on here very long. I got to cut her short today, grab me a late bite to eat and hit the gym before heading home to the missus and the child. Um, any, uh, anything at all. It could be some ideas Oh, what's the— anything at all from any of my frequent, or recent rather, postings, videos, articles, anything at all, anything in the news related to the world. You know, if we had to encapsulate what it is I talk about, probably the best summation is relationship-oriented talk from a heterosexual male point of view. There you go. In my point of view also is not just random dude, it's a random dude who has talked to hundreds and hundreds of dudes over the years that dealing with this kind of stuff, whether it's divorce, dead bedroom infidelity, whatever it may be, um, all that not so good stuff that men have to deal with in the world of relationships. Um, Peter says, uh, Dracula has nothing to do with Transylvania. Well, in the popular culture world it does, because yeah, it's just— that's a Bram Stoker story. Yeah, I know, but, uh, We all know, when we think Transylvania, we all think of the Count, right? The ol' Count Drácula. Anywho, so welcome guys. Any questions at all? Here we go, we got Thane, oh, with a very cool last name. I try to not say the last names out loud because sometimes I make clips out of these and I'm sure you don't want people knowing first name, last name on some clip that could be seen by millions of people. But Thane, very cool name from Facebook, says, any advice for starting a new relationship relationship after a disaster. She has some green flags, I see. Well, Thane, this is where it gets a little difficult because, um, this is, you know, a comment on Facebook. We're not talking in real time here, but I have questions. Starting a new relationship after disaster— what exactly does disaster mean? How soon did you start a new relationship? She has some green flags. Well, those are great, but what about the not so great things? Because while you're in the infancy, the early stages of the relationship, you're like, woohoo, this is really good about her. She's pretty, she's nice, she likes me, she's got a good job, whatever, she's super intelligent. And then you see these little not-so-good things in the background going, what about me? And you're like, ah, don't worry about you. Those little things in the background saying, what about me, those red flags, those always come back later to bite you in the butt, don't they? So that's what you got to be concerned with. So all kinds of questions, Mr. Thing. And we have a faithful Mr. YouTube, Fight for a Better Now, says, what are your What are your thoughts on me phenomena of women not being able to find a partner? I think you mean the phenomenon of women not being able to find a partner that they want and then climbing on the internet and thinking that they can talk men into being different. That's very vague there. So you're saying you got a lot of— you see women in your algorithm, your feed, who are complaining about, I can't find a dude, and then they go on the internet and say, so dudes, here's what you need to do to morph yourself into what I like. Yeah, sure. I guess this— and this is at the risk— Fight for Better Now, I appreciate you always chiming in on these, but in this particular case, I guess I would just say I don't, I don't care. They get— Ralph, some women are doing some not so nice things. People do all kinds of not so nice things and say some not so nice things all the time, and this doesn't sound like a particular um, um, acutely terrible thing to talk about. Some women are like not able to find men. Yeah, some women are, so some women aren't, and then they try to think they can talk men into being different. I don't— yeah, don't know where you're going with that one. Um, Peter says, once married, 3 kids, divorced now, starting life 2.0 now. Well, best of luck to you, brother. Check out the Brotherhood, help4men.com/join. We would love to have you. A lot of men in your shoes. Have I seen Night Bitch? But no, Jay, you're the second person to recommend it to me. My first being our friend Summer, who I did the, uh, um, livestream with. Was that last week? Um, she's the, uh, adult content creator type person. Um, she also mentioned Night Bitch, but no, I have not seen it. All about the trauma of being a mom and how it sucks and ruins your life. Wow. Okay. She recovers by dumping her clueless husband and getting back into her artwork. Well, sounds pleasant, I guess. I'll have to check it out. Thane, going back to Thane, he says, the disaster was 2 years ago. You worked on yourself like your other advice. I did not meet her on dating app but through a friend group. Okay, so 2 years after the disaster, the tumultuous ex-relationship, you have met somebody else. So cool. So original question was any advice? Yeah, um, keep your eyes and ears open. Um, you don't want to— you don't want to be one of those always looking for the bad thing type of guy, you know. Just enjoy— I guess enjoy your time with her, enjoy your company with her, enjoy the moments you have together. It may not last, or it may, but don't go into it with like, you know, I'm watching being extra— what's the word I'm looking for— like investigating and ironing out every— or trying to suss out every little thing that she does. And, you know, if you think about it, you're like, probably pragmatically, you're like, well, shouldn't we look for all these bad things? Yes, but when you're in the early stages of a relationship, shouldn't you just be enjoying each other? And if you are in fact looking for every little thing, like, tell me about that, tell me about this, tell me about— you're in essence kind of advertising to them Hey, gal I just met, you are potentially long-term relationship material, and so I'm putting you through the wringer to see if you're wife material, which is putting the cart way before the horse. Just have fun, just enjoy. But at the same time, when you— when something presents itself to you that gets your heart racing, that makes you say, oh no, did I just hear that right? Or, good, what am I looking at here? For example, um, I, unlike you, Mr. Thane, I didn't wait no 2 years after my, uh, end of my first marriage to start dating again. Now I say that to you, you're just talking about this relationship. Maybe there's been others between marriages. I'm going to say assume bad marriage and this one, or was this like, was there nothing? Is this your very first foray into a new relationship? Regardless, my story was, oh no, I was, I was a wreck. I was a weirdo basically and was all like, I'm going to put myself out in the dating market like right away. And hey, gals make me feel better basically, you know. And, um, I met all kinds of not so great people and, and some great people. And one of them was a gal that really hit it off via phone and texting. Let's arrange a date. And then I noticed, um, in pictures and everything else, um, it was a friend of a friend thing. And then I noticed, um, one phone call in particular, she sounded kind of slurry when she talked. And I was like, is she drunk? And, you know, just whatever. And then I remember we were arranging for our first in-person date. She had kids, I had kids, trying to, you know, do that whole thing. Who, when we have mutual time off. And then once again, the phone conversation, she sounded a little slurry again. I was like, oh man. And I didn't have the balls to ask her right then via voice, but later on that night I remember I texted her and said, hey, by any chance? And she denied it initially. And then I can't remember what it was that led her to go, okay, you got me, yes. And it's like Is this a problem? She's like, yeah, probably. It's like, oh, that's not good. And I was like, damn it, because I was getting along so well with this gal. And it was really, you know, again, just trying to use these women to make myself feel better. And she was making me feel better until I saw this one thing. And kudos to me, pat myself on the back, I just said, this ain't gonna work, and I would appreciate if you didn't contact me again, knowing like, I know me, and if you start contacting me again, it's going to make me just go, oh well, and no. And, um, so I had to tell her like, this ain't gonna, this ain't gonna happen. And then I had to go to the friend, the friend, the mutual friend we have, and say, did you realize that? And he of course says, oh yeah. It's like, well, thanks dude, I appreciate it. You could have said something beforehand. He's like, oh yeah, she's got issues, man, she's a mess. And it's like, okay, great, thanks. But anywho, those are the kind of things that you just got to go, and it could be something they say, do, the way they act, whatever it may be. And you have to— it's so hard because like, if you were like me, like, for the first time in a long time, I feel wanted, I feel great, I feel, thank you, Lord, for putting this person in my life. And I'm not even a religious person, but thank you, God. And, um, and then there's that one little thing that makes you go Man, and it's so hard to let them go, isn't it? Because you feel so good. But that's my advice. Look out for those things. Reach out for help from others, from dudes in your life. Check out the group, HFM Brotherhood, helpformen.com. That's the kind of thing you bring to the group and go, guys, what do you think of this? She just did this thing, said this thing, yada yada, and then oof. Jamie says, when are you gonna release your books for audiobooks to Spotify? They've been there for a while, buddy. Um, you should be able to find them. Um, Spotify Premium, if you're a member of Spotify Premium, I believe you should see my books on there. You're supposed to anyway. Um, in fact, um, one of my biggest months ever was the Dead Bedroom Fix. Was it last year? It was last year, in April of last year. I had a sudden spike of like 6,000 downloads, which is huge for me, of a book. Basically sold 6,000 books via Spotify, um, of which I made like a few bucks. That's how ridiculous it is in the Spotify streaming world. You hear from the art— like the musical artists, the same kind of thing. They make nothing unless they hit millions and millions of streams. Well, I hit like 6,000 downloads of my book, and I was like, where'd this come from? And I never have been able to figure out why all of a sudden a ton of people on Spotify just decided to download my book one month and not the one before, not the one next, and not since. Not to that— those numbers. Usually it's hundreds. So I never have been able to figure that out. And I've even reached out to the, the service that I use for— that puts out the— that distributes the book to all these different people, like Spotify and Apple Books and all these others, and, and Audible. And they couldn't figure it out either, nor could Spotify. So I don't know. But so I'm saying all that because, yeah, I know it's on Spotify, at least the Dead Bedroom Fix is. So check it out there. The funny thing about the situation that I see is this— oh, they shame men for not being what they want, and then when they describe what they want, everybody's got a different version of what they want. Okay, this is— I'm gonna pick on you a little bit, Fight for Better Now. You were illustrative of a very typical online dude persona, thought pattern, basically, which is, can you believe these women? To which I go, welcome to the real world. I don't know what to tell you, buddy. Um, I mean, not to flip the genders and make this a pro-female thing or anything like that. I'm sure that's very annoying seeing, you know, if you watch 10 women online saying what they want out of a man and it's 10 different things and they're really pissed, you— and you're a single dude that's having a difficult time getting a woman, you're probably like What the hell? Annoying. But then part of you also has to say, well, welcome to human beings, we're all different, so what? Um, but I'm sure right now I could— oh, I don't know, what would be a good topic? Politics or health and fitness. There's like a really innocuous thing, right? And if I went to 10 different health and fitness influencers that were men and they were all how to lose fat and build muscle, they probably have 10 different, wildly different prescriptions for how to do that. And then we in turn go, can you believe all these freaking— it's like, yeah, they're all trying to sell something, they all have different opinions. And you know what, they're probably all right in their own way in science. And all those women are probably right in their own way too. You know, men— um, another way of looking at this Fight for a Better Now and others is that you give a lot of power to women strangely so. Like, can you believe they think this? Who fucking cares? They're people. So what? You just disagree with them and you move on. Yeah, but I don't know the yeah, but what the yeah, but is, but we put too much effort and energy and negativity into what these women, or whatever it may be, and in our case, the women in our lives, or not even in our lives, with women on the internet, strangers, what they think about this whole game and what they're thinking, what they're saying. And I Dude, if I— I would have done myself in if I put that much weight and importance on all this stuff. There's all kinds of whack jobs out there and crazies and not-so-crazies and smart people. You can't listen to them all. Jamie wants to send me some reading material. You don't have to do that. You can always— if there's an ebook version you can send me, that's probably the best way. ralph.b@help4men.com. Ralph.B. Help4men.com. You can send me something that way. Um, Barry says, I'm thinking that honestly being single and playing the field is the better option. Sure. Dating after 40 is a minefield. What are your thoughts? I, you know, I'm not one of those that are like, you better get married, damn it, because it's your moral obligation to get married and make some more babies. No, dude, if you want to be single and date 7 women at once, more power to you, have fun. But what I've seen for a lot of men is they're not able to pull it off. They're not able to do the casual sex thing. I guess there's 2 categories of men that are not able to. Category 1 is they just can't get a date, so they can't get the ball rolling. You know, they're all like, I'm just gonna date around, screw marriage, and they can't get out of the gate. They do the online thing, nothing. They try in person, nothing. No friends of friends are connecting them with women, nothing. They get nothing, nothing, and they get really pissed. Uh, thing 2 is guys that are able to do it, but, um, once they do try the casual sex thing, it very quickly goes from casual to real, genuine, heartfelt, long-term, monogamous relationship. In other words, they try to be Mr. Man and go, I'm going to screw around with a bunch of women, and they fall in love with like the second woman that they screw around with. That's pretty common. Not everybody. Some men are able to do it. I'm just saying, like, let's not throw out these platitudes of I'm just gonna do and just assume, because for a lot of men, no, they can't. And that doesn't make them bad either. It's just how they're wired. But I see no problem with being Mr. Bachelor. Mm-hmm. Mysterio says, I like your 3-year rule of no marriage till 3 years have passed between the couple. If they're able to make it that far. Oh yeah, and a lot of women don't like that. Um, I think, you know, there's a, there's a lot of clashing advice here. Um, you know, I've seen this far, and I had one woman that wrote into me, I think I made a video out of it, where she said, um, um, you don't understand, we're of a certain age, we're ready to have a family, ready to, you know, uh commit and devote ourselves and start building the family and having children and everything else. And for us to wait 3 years, like, they devote themselves to one guy, they start, they fall in love, they devote their time and their energy. And let's say they make it to like, out of 36 months, they make it to the month 35 mark, and the guy goes, eh, see ya. And the woman's like, I just wasted 3 years of my life, of my fertile years as a young woman. I'm not getting any younger. This sucks, I'm not gonna do that again. And wait another 3, another 3. And what I've heard this woman say, and I did some reading online and she's right, there is kind of a, oh, piece of advice, a stereotype or whatever you want to call it going around from a single lady saying 6 months is the mark when you will know this is it, we're gonna do this, let's get engaged, let's start the process of planning for a wedding? 6 months. The thought pattern is, if he doesn't know after 6 months whether you are Mrs. Right, then it ain't gonna happen. And it's like, damn. So there's a clash of the woman's innate need to quickly lock a man down, if you will, for lack of a better word. And that's not necessarily a negative thing. Try to empathize with the ladies. Why would they want to so quickly bond? Because they have a lot riding on this and they can't screw around. Time is of the essence. Not every woman, but enough of them that we hear this, that it's kind of a stereotype. There is also the stereotype of, um, uh, lesbian relationships. When, uh, uh, two lesbian women get together, they usually quickly jump from casual stage to you and me forever stage. In fact, it's so common that there is a joke. What does a lesbian woman bring on a second date? A U-Haul, meaning she's ready to move in. And I had a gal who was my Uber driver, a young woman who was gay, and we were in Denver, Colorado, my wife and I at the time, sitting in the back seat. And she, I think she had an accent like she wasn't, she was from California or something, Hispanic gal. And I said, what brought you to Denver if you're originally from California? We talked all about where she was from and she's like, oh, my girlfriend. And I was like, oh, it's like, how long you guys have been together? And she says, 2 weeks. And I laughed and she goes, I know, I know. And then I told her that joke and she about ran off the road because she was laughing so hard because she's like, dude, that is perfect. Yes, we all do the same thing. We all just jump into and want to commit and want to move in together and get hitched and stuff right away. And it's like, isn't that interesting? I don't know what mechanism is at play there. It's because it doesn't seem to be necessarily linked to sexual preference. It's almost like a genetic component within the ladies. Must lock down mate and make sure that I'm not wasting time here. And for us men, we're on the other end of the seesaw here saying, no, no, not so fast. We want to make sure that we're not wasting time, resources, mental energy, and not going to make a big mistake that will ruin my life from now until the day I die. Because we've heard enough horror stories from these guys that are like, don't do it, dude. I got hitched with this woman, and as soon as we did, everything fell apart. As soon as we had kids, you know, everything just blew up. And now here I am paying 60% of my salary in child support and alimony, and she took half of this and half of that, and I'm destitute and living in my van. We don't want to end up there. So to help hedge our bet, so to speak, we're like, let's take our time, get to know each other. Let me see how you respond to some of life's BS, and let me see how you do well and don't do well, and let me then make an informed decision. That seems to butt heads with, dude, I can't wait that long. What's this grand solution here? I don't know. I can only tell you from my perspective, which is wait, just chill out. Wait, see how, see how it works out. You're very welcome, Thane. Thank you for asking and sharing your story as well. And Barry, you're missing a few words here. You say you can't— oh, you can get a woman, I think is what you're saying. You're able to— you're, you're not of the group that never gets a date. You're able to get dates and get women, but you say you're too honest, and you gotta lie to play the field. Oh no, you don't. No, no, no, no. What's the definition of playing the field? In order to get laid, you need to lie? What would you lie about? What if a gal says to you, you know, I'll go back to your place and I'll sleep with you tonight, but dot dot dot. And you roll your eyes and go, yeah, sure, whatever. What if she says, if you love me, I will, after you've known her for 10 minutes? And that's where you just smile and go, I'm not going to tell you that, no. Um, and what, she then runs off crying and screaming? Then you just— you less crazy in your life. Oh well, what's a big deal? You know, I don't, I don't like the whole you gotta lie, that's the only way to get women. That's how you get really broken women in your life. And that's how all of us, these dudes in my comments, get in so much trouble And now they say, I've been cheated on in my last 6 relationships. And you're like, dude, there's a common denominator here. It ain't them, it's you, buddy. Because there's this dude over here who's never had that experience. In fact, most dudes have not been cheated on 6 times, but you have, Mr. Man. And, um, you know, I hear that often and the guys don't want to see it that way. They go, no, no, the easiest solution is all women cheat. It's like, no, statistically that is not the case. You just happen to be attracted to a certain type of woman and they, you, they're attracted to you and away you go. That's the more difficult way of looking at this. And from where I stand, that's the truthful one. And Graham says, uh, in your last relationship, she wanted to move in and get hitched and all that after 6 weeks. Yeah, she's got a problem and you know that, Graham. And it's just, uh, really hard to get over, especially if they're so hyper-loving. Physical, which those kind of gals usually are at the early stage of the relationship anyway. All right, there's Jack saying he's heard the same thing about the lesbian joke about the U-Haul. All right, anything else, ladies and germs? Once again, HelpForMen.com and HelpForMen.com/join to check out our men's group support community for men only. Yeah, I'm not getting any better, you're telling yourself. This is really difficult. There's something— there's— I'm missing a piece of my life in this whole being a dude thing, and it's probably other dudes. And you can go talk to other dudes from work and your whatever, and they're like, I don't have any experience with dead bedroom infidelity and yet all that other garbage. I just want to talk football. Maybe not the group you need in your life, although that's fine. But I find a lot of men do better, get better in life and so forth, is after being in a community of like-minded dudes. So that's what we offer, help4men.com/join. And Fight for Better Now, I just talked all about that. Um, what would you say to a man who's dating a woman who believes that dating 6 months should lead to an engagement per the advice of the Millionaire Matchmaker? Oh, okay, so maybe that's where that's coming from. Yeah, I just did a whole spiel on that. I don't know if you heard me. Went on for about 10 minutes all about that. I say, men, that's fine. You have to empathize with the woman. You say, I can see your perspective on this. You're in a hurry, but it's not— that's not how it's going to work for me. That's not what I would say. Now, the follow-up to that is, yeah, but Ralph, you may lose them. Okay, that's fine. It's heartbreaking. You cry yourself to sleep a few nights. You'll feel better. It sounds cold, doesn't it? But I mean, dude, what's the alternative? Okay, you only violated my biggest, you know, boundary or piece of criteria for a relationship, which is to take time and really get to know each other before committing. But oh, you want to commit after knowing each other 6 months? Which for the average couple, what does that mean? Let's say you're a really busy couple and you have one date a week. 6 months equals 24. So you've been on 24 weeks. So you've been on 24 dates. Let's round it up and say 30. You've met this person 30 times, and from those 30 dates— coffee, dinner, sex, whatever it may be— so the 30 times, you're ready to say, the next 50 years are yours, my dear. I'm gonna hand over time, money, resources, my energy, my emotionality to you, gal, that I've met 30 times. I— for me, I'm like, no, come on, dude. You gotta— you have not— you don't even know this woman yet. Um, that's my perspective. Some may say I'm wrong. Cool. I think they're wrong too. Oh well, that's what makes the world go around. Um, uh, Jamie is saying to do a partner podcast with To Be Better Podcast. Uh, you're like the 10th person to bring them up. Um, I have not reached out to them or anything in any way. It'd be nice to. From what I understand, they talked about me or a video I did, maybe in particular in one of the little videos. Somebody said they saw them talking about me in a video. So I don't know if they did a longer podcast or whatever about something I said, but I— and I have not been able to find that and I kind of gave up on it. So you're reminding me, maybe I need to get in touch with them. Would love to if you reach out to them and say you should do something with the Dad Starting Over dude. That'd be cool. Oh, Barry, here we go. You cannot get matches if I tell them I got young children and you're in your 40s. Um, okay, then they're not a good match for you. Oh well. Again, there's plenty of women out there who are like, yeah dude, I got kids too, big deal. And believe it or not, Barry, there are also women out there that say, oh, how sweet, you got kids, good for you. And that makes you actually a better match for them because maybe they're looking for a guy who's more warm and fatherly in that way. They're not looking for some single young single dude who doesn't have any kind of real-life experience. Maybe they say, here's the guy who's been there, done that, that's what I'm looking for. Believe it or not, those ladies exist. Don't go lying and telling them that you don't because that shows, Barry, that you are desperate enough basically to throw your kids under the bus so that you can get laid. And when they find that out, that's how they will look at you. Oh, here's a guy that was so desperate to get in my pants that he was willing to lie about his kids. Really? You know, it's kind of like lying about your profession, lying about— those things are even— those are like a minor league version of what you're talking about. You're like not even mentioning your offspring. Men for ages have lied about, oh yeah, I'm a president of so-and-so company and look at my nice watch, which is fake. 'Look at my cool car,' which it's not mine, and, you know, all this other stuff to prop themselves up and give them a higher sense of status in order to win the gal. Never works out long term because eventually you got to be honest with them, and then the relationship fizzles and they go their separate way, and the guy's like, 'Oh well, I got laid.' Not a good way to go through life, in my opinion, but oh well. So I would say, um, yeah, you know, 'I can't tell her that. I can't tell her about my kids. They may not give me the time of day.' Then they are not for you. And that's cool. The old abundance mentality, it's kind of a roll-your-eyes overblown concept that every self-help guru type talks about, but there's something to it. You know, when it comes to your professional world, when it comes to your relationship world, whatever it may be, if you go into it saying there's a lot of good stuff out there, then you tend not to settle for horseshit. And when you settle for horseshit in your life That's where all the problems come in. So it can be argued, Barry and others, when you like lie to women so that you can get into their pants, you're in essence showing a sense of scarcity. Well, I got this woman here, she has fallen in my lap, so to speak. I can't let her go because this doesn't happen very often, so I'm going to lie through my teeth so that, so that she won't run away. Not good. It shows like you're below them, so to speak. Putting them up on a pedestal, in other words. And it's not a good mental headspace to be in. All right, I'm gonna call it quits here soon, ladies and germs. We got one more here. Mr. Chris says, two relationships after 18 months of being divorced. Both at 4 months wanted to talk about marriage. My response is, I'm interested in forever partnership, but I won't get legally married again. Instant relationship changes and I'm out. Oh, you instantly— the relationship changes and I'm out. So after you said, um, so after you said, uh, hey, I'm not interested in legally tying the knot, the women said goodbye. And because the relationship changed, well, then again, you put your boundary down, right? Um, after 4 months, you're like, hey, I can see how woman you're interested in locking a dude down and being comfortable and safe and not living in uncertainty. I get it, but legally tying the knot, that ain't gonna happen for me anymore. Cool, good for you, Chris. And then those women are like, well, F you, goodbye. Cool, then we're not a good match. Again, some lady out there is gonna be like, oh, thank God, 'cause I'm not either. Believe it or not, you know, there's this narrative, especially in the comments on my videos and so forth, you know, a lot of guys saying there's nothing in this for a man. We get robbed financially. We get it. You realize that there's a growing population of couples where the man— where the woman makes way more than the dude. And what's interesting, when you talk to those ladies, they will say prenups. I'm not about to sacrifice all that I've earned, worked so hard to earn, to some loser dude. So he's got to make so much more money and he's got to sign a prenuptial agreement and so forth. And they, you know, they got their head on straight when it comes to what they will accept and not accept. And you're kind of talking about the same kind of thing, and those women aren't of that mindset. Oh well, is what it is. Cool, we're just not a good match. All right, ladies and germs, I'm gonna, uh, call it quits. Thank you all so much for joining me today. I appreciate it. If you could, uh, do me a favor, hit like on this, that will help a great deal. Before I cut it off, if you could say like, then Facebook, YouTube, and everyone else will say, oh, this is a good one, we should share it more often. And then, um, YouTube, if you could subscribe. On Facebook, if you could give me a follow. While you're at it, do a Dad Starting Over over on Twitter or X, whatever it's called, Instagram as well. That will help me out a great deal. And then check out helpformen.com. We're posting new articles and videos every single day, as well as, uh, our private community for men only. The HFM Brotherhood. Check it out. If you're a dude and you're watching this, you should probably join. And if you're like most dudes who join and you go, I don't know, I'll try it out for a month or two, it's not like it costs a lot of money or anything, what most guys do, three-fourths of them actually, end up saying, can I pay a lump sum to be a lifetime member? Because I don't want to leave and I don't want this monthly deal always coming out. That says a lot about our group. The guys are signing up as lifetime members. The vast majority of our membership does that. We got a really good thing going, guys, and I would love for you to join us. HelpForMen.com. HelpForMen.com/jointhebrotherhood is what it's called. All right, ladies and germs, thank you all so much for another good one, and I'll try to do these more often. I always say that, but we'll see how— what time allows. But, uh, until next time, a toodaloo.