Chat with Ralph!

Chat with Ralph, it's the place to be. Ba da da da, ba da da da. Bald as the moon but full of tea. Ba da ba da ba, ba da da da da. Divorce debates and cheating confessions. Sexless nights and awkward questions. Oh, Chat with Ralph, it's a laugh and a half. Grab a seat, tune in for the gaffs. Bald and bold, spilling the truth. Get ready folks, here's your proof. Got no hair but I got the flair. Marriage drama, we lay it bare. Infidelity, it's a spicy story. Pour a cup, let's talk it through, so join the fun, don't miss a thing. Chat with Ralph Brewer, secrets swing. Bald is beautiful, and that's a fact. Now hit that stream, it's time to act!

Wow, I laugh. I've heard that thing I don't know how many times. I don't know how many guys, uh, had the pleasure of seeing that just now, but, uh, I have a new intro music, uh, you guys love watching on the recording later will see it, uh, that was created with AI. I had— dude, the technology is amazing these days. There is a, um Uh, what's it called? Pardon me here for a moment in case any of you guys are, are interested.

Is this—

yeah, Sonu, S-O-N-U dot AI. Nope, that's not it. Isn't it Sonu? Suno, excuse me, S-U-N-O. Suno, uh, make music with AI, it says here. So Suno. All you do is just type in a prompt saying— I, I think the prompt I made for that little intro music was, I want an old school radio jingle, and you give it topics to talk about like Ralph and mix in their jokes about me being bald, and then we talk about infidelity, and literally 3 seconds later it spits out like 5 songs and you get to choose which one you like. And you have to purchase the commercial rights for them, which if you have the membership is like $10. That's it. So what you just heard there, which is in my mind pretty good, pretty well done, uh, was made in 3 seconds for $10. AI is just putting everybody out of business. I mean, before, that would have taken hundreds if not thousands of dollars and a lot of time and everything to put together. So anywho, for those just joining, I have a new little intro video with a theme song made by AI. So very good. Anywho, welcome everybody. Mr. CR says he's here. Well, hello, Mr., Miss CR, I don't know. CR is on YouTube. Welcome everyone, my name is Ralph Brewer. You know me as Dad Starting Over, probably. I've been putting out content for years and years talking all about relationship-oriented stuff from the perspective of a heterosexual dude who has been through divorce and infidelity and that bedroom stuff and everything else. I've written on the topic. I've written 4 books, make that 5 books, because the 5th one is coming out here soon, folks. And that 5th one is called Rebuild. Do I have— one moment, please. No, I don't, man. No, I don't. I thought I had a little graphic to show you guys what that book's going to look like. We'll talk about it next time, I guess. But, um, I've talked— I've written books and done videos and articles all on these different topics. Dead bedrooms, which is another word for sexless marriages. Infidelity. On the part of the wife. You know, I'm a dude, so that's my perspective on all this. I realize, men cheat. Um, not all, not most, but men cheat. Um, I've talked about parenting after divorce and finances and all the good stuff, but wouldn't you know it, the one thing that gets more people looking at my stuff than anything else is talking about the old SEX in marriage. So I wrote a book about it called The Dead Bedroom Fix. Um, you can't see it, I don't think, with the lighting here, but it says 3rd edition. The third edition of this book came out last year, July of 2024, and, uh, that is my best-selling, biggest thing I've ever done in my entire life, period. Hundreds of thousands of people read that book through the third editions, um, or through the three editions rather. So that is the thing that brings people into my world more than anything else, is that one book. So if you're watching this and you've read that book, thank you, I appreciate it. And, uh, but The thing I am most proud of is a private support community. Um, oh, Mr. CR, you say you joined the website? Very cool. Was that today? Let me see. I do see a couple people have just joined this morning. One of them was a lifetime membership. How cool is that? We're doing good, guys. We're averaging around 2 new members every day. Awesome, keep it coming. But anyway, what I'm talking about— I'm getting ahead of myself. Is a support community that we call the Brotherhood, and you can learn more at help4men.com or jump right to the join page at help4men.com/join. Why would you join said community? It is just for men. Let's put that out there. Sorry, ladies, there's plenty of other communities for just for ladies to talk about lady stuff, but this is just for guys. And, uh, we are a community of hundreds of men from all over the world. The United States is our number one market Not surprising, that's where I'm from. And our number 2 market, believe it or not, is Australia. And we have about 800 guys all over the world that join the group, but we're slowly but surely, you know, building that up. And we get together in private discussion forums just for our members. You have to be a member to join. Uh, we utilize both private Facebook groups. If you're not quite comfortable with that, which some guys aren't, we also have a private Discord server. Much more robust discussion over on Discord. But Facebook is still the most popular and very, very active. I think on the Facebook we've had probably over the years of doing this, shit, I don't know, probably 60,000 conversations started 24/7. It's a pretty active group. If you don't like the discussion more, in addition to the online discussions, we also have private Zoom meetings. Got to be a member to join the Zoom meeting. Zoom meetings are on average hour, hour and a half in length each.. And we have anywhere from like 6 to 8 of those meetings every single week, hosted by myself as well as other guys on the team, on a variety of different subjects. Some of them are open to whatever we want to talk about. That's usually what I do. Some are more focused on, you know, talk about divorce, talking about the dead bedroom thing, the Mr. Nice Guy thing, and codependence. In other words, we talk about it all. And then on top of that, we record every single one. Let me— I'm grabbing my phone here for a second, excuse me. Um, we record every single one of those meetings. And then we archive them so you can listen back to them later. Let me show you. And then we actually give you the ability to, um, listen to them right from your phone. So look at this, we have thousands and thousands— see all— or hundreds and hundreds rather, almost 1,000 meetings recorded. Just keeps going. All those are meetings that are hour and 7 minutes, hour and 3 minutes, hour and 43— oh, that's a long one— hour hour and 13 minutes. It's hosted by Gus, Marty, Scott, Ralph, Jason, Austin, Vance— all of our dudes. Um, got some on my face here. Um, uh, host of the meetings, variety of topics. And again, it's, it's all recorded and it's all archived, and you can listen to it. If you're a dude that likes, uh, like podcasts and audiobooks and so forth, you'll love our group, the Brotherhood. Uh, helpformen.com/join. We also have all my books. You know, I talked about Dead Bedroom Fix being one of them, and then I have 3 others. I don't have it here in front of me, um, and then a, and then a 5th one coming. But members get access to all those books at no charge. You can download them to your computer, to your phone to read, and then actually listen to the audiobook version of all of them. In addition to that, Coach Austin on our team, he authored a book called Why Sex Ends After Kids and How to Fix It. And you can download that book as well. So that's 5 books with a 6th book coming on its way. Members get them no charge whatsoever. And, uh, one-on-one coaching is something that I and other guys on the team have been offering for years. It's one price for the general public and then a lot lower price for our members. So there's another incentive. And then we have courses on the website which cost so much and then much less for our members. And even some of those courses are free and only available to our members. And then we do get together in person. We have our annual conference in the United States that we call BroFest. We're getting ready to have our 6th annual conference in Louisville, Kentucky this— or next year, 2026. We have, uh, we have met in Charleston, South Carolina. We've met in Las Vegas, New Orleans, Nashville, Austin. I think it's all of them. And, uh, we love them. And our guys in Australia, they actually get together as well. I think they're getting ready to have their 4th annual gathering, uh, later this month. How cool is that? So we're busy, we're growing, and we would absolutely love you guys to join us. There is a cost to joining. All the stuff that I'm talking about costs money. I would love to be able to have a support community that is this robust with as many resources for free, but I haven't figured that one out yet. And, uh, the cost though was minimal, uh, $27 a month. It's less than a dollar a day to get all that stuff we talked about. Here's the good news, even further good news. If you're a veteran, doesn't have to be anywhere in the world, if you're a military veteran of some kind, the— we get 40% off that cost. So it comes to around $16 US a month to join us and get all that stuff. So guys, what we're trying to do is help out as many men as we can, trying to balance our costs. It's tough. We have a tough— we have a big nut to cover. All this stuff that we're talking about costs a lot of money every month, uh, to keep it going technology-wise, paying the coaches and the and all this stuff we're talking about, hosting all this audio and the video and everything else. It's, it's quite a bit, but we would love to have you. We're trying to keep the cost as minimal as possible, $27 a month, or if you're a veteran, like $16 a month. So check it out, the Brotherhood at help4men.com/join. We would love to have you. Ah, and then CR said, you— that was the hack, you joined to read all the books and then you decided to stay. Well, very cool. Yeah, there's some guys that do the math and they go, okay, here's the deal, I want to buy these two books, and these two books together would cost me like $20, let's say. Um, or I can join the Brotherhood and I get all the books and the discussion forums and the meetings and the 1,200+ hours of audio and everything for $7 more. So it doesn't— it makes sense, right? Um, but I seem a little biased being the guy that started all this. Uh, we got Hollywood Movies saying hi. Hello, Hollywood Movies! Where are you guys from? I would love to hear where everybody is joining us from today. Where in the world you are is what I mean by that. Um, all right guys, how these little live streams typically go— let me hide this for now— is that I will say, here I am guys, you've seen my bald head yapping on and on about, uh, all kinds of male-oriented relationship stuff, some of which kind of goes viral. I've had a couple of videos hit the 10+ million views, which is awesome. Uh, not many, but a few. Uh, a good video for me, uh, you know, hundreds of thousands. And then, you know, some photos have gotten to the millions as well that I've put out there, usually like screen captures of tweets that I'll make and stuff like that. They get viral. So if you've seen my stuff and you're like, I'm gonna ask this dude a question, now's your chance. Let me have it. Let's hear it. Don't be shy. Whatever it is, let's talk about it. Uh, I say whatever it is. If there's something like really out there, I may not read your comment for all to hear on the video here, but usually we talk about all kinds of stuff, any kind of comments, anything at all, in any— oh, subject matter that's out there, anything. Um, Paul from the UK, very good. We got Hollywood Movie says you're from Dubai, awesome. CR, where are you at? Would love to hear from anybody where you're all, uh, joining us from today. But anyway, don't be shy, guys. Um, these are not just let's, let's tune in and listen to Ralph talk. It's let's tune in and ask Ralph questions and, uh, and take advantage of his time while he's here with you. I'm usually here for an hour or so, sometimes less if these go kind of slow. Um, we got Mr. I apologize. Siano, that's a cool name. It's a very cool name. I don't want to say your last name out loud for the recording here in case you don't want the whole world to know that you're on this, but Mr. Siano from YouTube says, I really appreciate your work, dude. Well, thank you, man. I appreciate that. You don't have the annoying typical influencer vibe. Very cool. I think there's some pluses and minuses that if I did, I probably had more money in my pocket. Keep it up. Every man needs to hear the truth. Well, thank you, Mr. Siano. I appreciate that. It means a lot to me. Um, all right, we got a good question coming in from Mr. CR. Uh, how long do you give for a wife to change? I currently doing the work, and the more I do it, I see myself getting better. The more I wonder why I want her to even have sex with me and why. Dude, very well put. I'm not saying I— this is a good thing that you're saying. I'm saying that it's— you are illustrating something that I hear all the time from dudes. I apologize if you've heard— seen me say in some of my videos, I said this ad nauseam over and over again, but here's what I've seen. Let me try to illustrate this. So you got a dude whose sense of self-worth, his— whatever you want to call that, uh, his security within himself is down here, and his patience for the relationship, meaning what he's tolerated Uh, what he will put up with— sometimes it's really nasty stuff, tantamount to abuse, whatever— is up here. So his self-worth is here and tolerance is up here, let's put it that way. His sense of self-worth, by virtue of the fact of how much work he's putting into himself— maybe he's joined our group, maybe he's talking to me one-on-one, maybe he's working with a therapist, maybe he's reading books and podcasts— not unusual in my world for guys just to take in all this stuff and just really work on themselves. So his sense of self-worth is going up. He's like, you know, I'm not that bad after all. You know what, I have value. And then guess what happens to his patience and tolerance for bullshit in the relationship? It— so you can see where this is going. So you, Mr. CR, are illustrating that as you're doing better, you're looking over at the wife who's not been the nicest person in the world to you, I assume, and you're like, what am I doing with her again? Is she ever going to shape up here? Didn't she— doesn't she see all that I'm doing here? Now, with that being said, sometimes what I hear from guys is, my spouse has been a certain way for so many years, sometimes like so many decades. Let's be honest, she's not been the most loving person in the world. She's not the most cuddly, snuggly, romantic, and she's certainly not the most sexual human being in the world. She never really has been. It's never really been part of her makeup. In the guy's defense, she was kind of at the early stage of the relationship during our honeymoon phase when we were dating and getting to know each other. But once we got married and had kids and everything, she just— just died. And I've watched her for the last 10, 15, 20-some-odd years be this person. And now suddenly the guy wakes up and here he is, you know, using this illustration again, my sense of self-worth is going up and, uh, I'm like, you know what, chop chop, woman. I need you to change. In all fairness, dude, it's just not gonna happen, man. Not, not in like— your speed is like this, right, getting more secure, and, and you're like, I want her to catch up with me. It's like, it don't work that way, dude. The level of patience that you need, unfortunately it goes down as you do this. The level of patience that you need actually needs to go up. If you want to stay together as a couple. If you have determined— and some guys rightfully look at their wife across the table from them, so to speak, and say, she's actually a really good woman, um, I see her trying, she really does want to stay together, she really does value us as a couple, as a partnership, she's a wonderful mother, she's my best friend in the whole world, I owe it to her because she's been through everything with me You know, a lot of guys say like, I had this spell of losing my job, I was depressed, maybe I drank too much, whatever, and she was just right there by my side through all of it. So I owe it to her, some guys say, to give her the same level of patience and, uh, tolerance, if you want to call it that, as I go through— as we go through all this. So you know what, I'm going to be there for her, I'm going to be patient. Well, some guys on the other hand say, she's been a raging asshole through all of this, she's never been supportive, She's put me down. She's sometimes even been physically abusive. She's terrible with the kids and blah blah blah blah. And rightfully so. The guy goes, what am I doing with this horrible person? And somewhere in the middle, right? Um, Mr. CR says, so if you say it's not going to happen, I don't have nor want to wait years for this. It may happen, CR. That's what I'm trying to say. But dude, you got to be patient, man. What you're— what for a lot of guys, I don't know your situation here, so I'm gonna fill in some blanks here. For a lot of guys, what I hear from them is basically, what I want from my wife is a fundamental personality change. Is that possible? Technically, yeah. But dude, the amount of work that it takes to change a fundamental part of your personality starts with her saying, I got a problem here, uh, there's something about me and my personality and my makeup and the way I attach to my partners, whatever it may be. That causes me to lose loved ones. Maybe she has a history of broken relationships. Maybe she's done enough introspection and work in therapy to say, yeah, my mom and dad and my relationship with them was really dysfunctional, and it's caused me to be where I'm at now. You know what, I got to work on this shit because I'm about to lose my husband, CR, and others, and this is no bueno. That's what it takes. That's like step one of shit, dude, like 100 steps. And then she's got to go to the sessions with the therapy one-on-one that she's got to bring you in, and you two work on things because you have a lot of resentment between the two of you. And then she's like, now I got to actively work on staying connected to my man, and I got to do the date nights, and I got to do this and this. We got to talk openly about things. I got to not judge him when he's open and vulnerable with, with me. That's really a struggle for me as a very avoidant woman. And now I need to, need to, need— what I've seen is the majority of people go, fuck this shit. Excuse my language. Screw this. Um, this is a lot of hard work. Sometimes the women say, I shouldn't have to do all this stuff. I'm working hard enough as it is as a mother and employee and everything else. More work. Screw that. And then we have the CRs of the world saying, the level of patience I need as I'm watching this woman go through all this shit, it's like, ah dude, I don't know if I can do this anymore, which is understandable. So back to Mr. CR, um, uh, probably be easier to start over and then keep hoping and hoping and hoping for her to change. Let's just put it out there, CR. Man or woman, whatever it is. If you are a person— trying to keep it gender neutral here— that says, I want more connection, more passion, more whatever from this person than what I'm— this person that I've been with for 20-some years, whatever it is, um, if you want that and you want that like this, then yeah, go get you a new one, dude. Divorce this one. Do it the right way. Don't go get you a little affair partner or whatever. Um, wife, you and I both know this ain't working, so you let her buy. That's going to take a while, and then you're done, you're split, and then you go on the dating market. You're going to get your needs filled, right? You're going to have a girlfriend. You're going to be like, what took me so long? Why did I wait so many years to get this? Look at these feelings I have for this person. I'm awake and alive. I've never felt more amazing than what I'm feeling right now with this new gal in front of me. But here's the deal, dude. What you experienced with your wife is probably going to happen over again if you stick it out with this girlfriend. Not because that is a condemnation of women, no, it's not a condemnation of long-term relationships. It's more of, um, pointing out that maybe CR has some work to do on figuring out why, why it is you are attracted to a certain type of person. I'm, I'm assuming a lot here, I could be way off, but this is the case for many men that I work with. Why is it that you are attracted to this certain person? Why did you hang on to that certain type of person in spite of all these signs saying, dude, you need to fix this or run for the hills? Why did you not hold her accountable for some of her behavior? Why did you not enforce some boundaries in your life? Why did you put up with a lot of horseshit? That's what that means. Why, why, why? And you got to figure out all that stuff, or else when you go back in the market and go, I found a new one, you're just— you're going to be like I got with my ex-wife all over again. That happens more often than not for guys that don't work on their issues. So, CR, yes, you'll be happier. Yes, you will find the one that will make you go, this is it, this person lights a fire under me, this is amazing. But, um, in the long term, good luck if you don't work on your stuff. You just keep repeating the cycle. Now, for some people, how they resolve this is not to go work on their stuff, but to resolve— resign themselves to, actually, I guess I'll just practice what's called serial monogamy. I'll be with this new gal, we'll have a great honeymoon period, we'll, we'll be each other's love of our lives for 3 years, 5 years, and then it will start fizzling out, and I'll notice she's getting distant again, and then I'll just dump her, and then I'll find a new one. And I'll do it all over again with her. And the next thing you know, you're a 70-some-year-old and you look back in your past and you go, I had 6 different women in my life that were awesome. It is what it is. Now I die alone. Oh well. For some people, that's their life. Um, I actually knew a guy named Bob. That was his life. He never got married, never had kids. He had a series of girlfriends. And, uh, Bob died in the '70s of cancer, and it's kind of sad. Died alone. But if you asked anybody that knew Bob, they would say, don't be sad, Bob was fine, he was cool with that, that's how Bob was. It's like, well, but still, we all have this vision in our mind of having a life partner, somebody to go through life with, and you want somebody by your side as you're getting up there in age to help take care of you. And Bob resigned himself to, not me, that's not my world. And maybe CR and others, that's not yours either. But there's give and takes to all this, there's pros and cons, right? Um, one is not good, bad, right, wrong. Just it is what it is. As you can see, if you get me started, dude, I'll just keep talking. So thank you for the, you know, prompt here. Um, Siano says, if she wanted to, she would. If she hasn't, she won't. Good rule of thumb to live by. Let's put it out there, dude. Um, if she don't think she is doing anything wrong, why would she change? Oh, so if she doesn't think that she's doing anything wrong, why would she change? Yeah. And you say the kids are gone, you don't have patience anymore. Then Mr. CR, uh, for your benefit and for hers, shake hands. Wifey, I love you. There's always going to be part of you that loves her. Let's just put that out there. I love you, always will. Mother to my children. We had good times, right? But I think we both know that this ain't working. At least if you think this is working, wife, then we're way— we're way on different planets here. So I wish you all the best, I really do. I've gone to an attorney. Here's a divorce agreement. It's very fair. You get what's owed to you, I get what's owed to me. There's no gotchas, there's no me trying to sneak one over on you or whatever. Um, here you go, and have your attorney look it over, whatever. We'll just go our separate ways, and you do it right. And, uh, but none of this sneakiness and getting a little girlfriend on the side and trying to maintain— you know, a lot of guys I talk to are like, I'm gonna get screwed in divorce court, I'd much rather have a girlfriend on the side and a fair partner. Yeah, good luck, dude, that never ends well. So, and yeah, and if she's like, I'm not doing anything wrong, or more generally, there's nothing wrong with our relationship, this is perfectly healthy, dude, this is what relationships look like, you're like, oh shit, she's just really out in left field. This is This is wildly unhealthy. Uh, Mr. Adam from Kentucky, well, welcome. Right now, Adam, I am in— it's a long story, but I, I go back and forth between Kentucky and Texas, so I don't know if you knew that. But I am, uh, when I'm in Kentucky, which I'm going to be here in a couple days, um, I am in Bardstown, Kentucky. I don't know if you know where that is, which is about 45 minutes to an hour away from Louisville. So when you say you're 2 hours from Louisville, we can't be too far. I guess you could go in any direction. So whereabouts, Mr. Adam, are you in Kentucky? Be cool to know. Maybe one day we can meet up. Uh, every now and then I think I've met with a couple of dudes from Kentucky over the past few years, so not many. Um, anyway, thank you, CR, for that. She is in grandma mode and I'm not mad at her, but that's not what I want. So you're on two different planets, dude. I hear that one a lot. You know, there's nothing that really ticks off the ladies in my audience more than hearing that, that phrase, that grandma mode. I think a lot of women don't want to acknowledge aging. Aging for a lot of women, um, is a very sensitive topic, maybe more so than the women— or pardon me, than the men. I mean, let's just put it out there, there's a lot of the cosmetic— cosmetics, plural, you know, stuff you put on your face in order to what, mimic youthfulness? Uh, cosmetic surgery is dominated by women. That, that the whole world. Uh, women often lie about age and all kinds of stuff. Um, it's because society as a whole has said, women, when you get up there in age, sorry, you don't have as much value as when you're young and pretty. So the message received, women try to hang on to young and pretty as long as possible. It's terrible to say, but that seems— ask any woman, they'll say, yeah, that seems to be the case. So when we put in their face, you're going into grandma mode, I think a lot of them are like, Hold on, dude, I ain't no grandma. Well, what men like, uh, CR and others— when myself, I've used that term as well. I often talk about my, um, my own grandma growing up. My own grandma growing up was not a youthful person. She was not, let's go to the gym. I'm trying to think of her like in her 60s. She was not, uh, stay sexy and put on a little something and go out with my husband on the town. No, she was like the most domestic grandma person you've ever known in your life, literally baking pies and cookies and trying out new recipes. And I remember my grandma was, uh, obsessed with Native Americans, so she would have books on Native Americans that she would read, and she would paint. She was a very good painter, so she would do oil paintings of Native Americans for one, and other things. And she also liked New Orleans and jazz, so she did paintings New Orleans and jazz scenes and so forth. Um, she just had her own little grandma-ish world, and Grandpa was not the type to push her like, no, no, put all that grandma shit aside and go out with me and let's hit the town and let's be sexy and fun. No, he was just like, yep, Grandpa and Grandma mode, that's what we are. And they apparently were cool with that. Um, but, uh, a lot of men I talk to are not 'Cool with that.' They're like, 'No, I'm a 63-year-old man and I still got it going on.' Now, for a lot of those men, they're like, 'And I'm also shooting testosterone in my butt and taking Cialis and growth hormone,' and they're trying to hang on to their youthfulness, aren't they? Interesting. I think that's more common than what it was when I was a kid growing up in the '80s. Uh, there's a lot of hormone clinics and everything catering to men and women trying like hell to hang on to their youthfulness. And so when you got one partner that's like team youth and the other partner's like team grandma, even though they don't want to call it that, that's a major disconnect, isn't it? And, uh, neither is right, neither is wrong. Now there's a lot of women out there like, you just need to accept aging, dude, and quit with this trying to hang on to your youth, quit going to the gym and injecting this. And then he's like, well, ladies, we could say the same to a lot of women out there, like quit with the facelifts and quit with the Botox and quit with the boob implants and stop We both do this same thing. I think women probably take the prize when it comes to trying to hang on to youthfulness, but for some, it is not necessarily to the benefit of that particular relationship. It may be beneficial to their health to do some health interventions in the terms of hormonal things. Your health can improve— osteoporosis, health, your heart problems improve and everything else. And not only that, you maintain muscle and you Yes, your libido maintains or goes up, and God forbid, um, but, uh, to the people on the other side of the camp— the other camp, rather— they would say, what are you doing, dude? Like, just slowly come into Grandma Grandpa mode like the rest of us. I think both have a point, but, uh, I'm not going to shame you, CR, for saying I'm not ready to go into that mode, and I ain't gonna shame your wife for saying, but I am. It's just you're on two different paths, dude. I tend to be— I'm 50 years of age. I tend to be on let's hang on to youthfulness, which— and I don't frame it as youthfulness, I frame it as let's hang on to health as much as possible. A big driver of that is that I lost my father at a young age. He was 53 years of age, and he did not— when he passed away— and he did not value health in any way, shape, or form. He was not exercise. He also was Mr. Chain smoker and chain coffee drinker, and, and his weight was always a problem. He wasn't like morbidly obese, but he was like a chubby guy his whole life. And all those things combined did not help his health, plus he ate a lot of junk food and other things. So I took that lesson and said, that's a priority of mine. And so you better believe, as I get older, if, if I have a doctor that says, maybe you want to consider this supplemental thing to help your health along, I'll be like, whatever it is, dude, you got— yep, give. And I've researched like hell. I'm pretty well versed on the world of hormonal therapy and supplements and everything else. So I'm Mr. Pro, let's keep it going as much as possible camp. And some people may laugh at that, but that's their problem. My wife is a medical doctor, by the way. My wife, um, she's on board with that world. She's also in that world. Let's maintain health as much as possible. It's funny, in her little medical world, doctors and nurses, they're all hormone this, GLP-1 that, and everything else. They're, they're very much pro let's keep the body intact as much as possible. And, um, they see that as kind of a, a given. Like, they're like, this is just what you do if you want to maintain your health. You have to do these kind of things because they see— these doctors and nurses, they see, uh, what happens if you don't, and it ain't pretty. And I've seen it myself with my father passing away at a young age, and my mother, who's in her mid-70s now, has never taken care of herself physically, and she's 74 going on 90, if you know what I mean. It's— everything's caught up to her. She ain't doing well. So anywho, uh, boy, there I go again, blabbing away. We got Mr. Allen from Facebook saying, thanks for what you do. Thank you, Mr. Allen, I appreciate that. I keep hearing that women cut off sex faster than men do. Why Why do you think that keeps happening? Well, that's a— I think you mean at an earlier time, I guess. I don't know what faster than men do. Let's just put this out there. Um, if you go to therapists and people that specialize in helping people with sexual health, um, and you, uh, surveyed them and said, okay, more often than not, is it the man or the woman that says I'm done with my sex life. And they will tell you, it's usually the woman that says that, or rather it's the man complaining about the lack of activity in the bedroom and the wife who seems to be like, I'm cool with once a month, once every 2 months, once a year. And the man's like, uh, no. That's usually the case. But with that being said, we have a growing population, you know, the, the, it's— this will always seem to be up here, But we seem to be a growing population of, of women complaining about, my man doesn't want it as much as I do. We could go on and on about why that may be. Um, a lot of men are very unhealthy physically, which affects hormones and libido. And there's also the world of pornography and everything else, right? None of that's helping any of them. But usually it's the women down here, man up there. You know where I'm going with that. Why is that? Well, uh, biologically, we as men have a thing called a relatively high level of testosterone as compared to the women. Um, for a lot of those women, if I were to say, you know, low libido, right, woman? She's like, yeah, I really don't think about it much at all. I don't— if my husband asks for it, I'm like, I really don't want to. Okay, let me give you a shot of testosterone. Every week, let's say, that will get you to the levels like a supraphysiological level of testosterone. By the way, don't do this, it's not healthy for women. Um, 200 milligrams of testosterone cypionate every week into your butt, there you go. Number one, she's going to have all kinds of physical things. She's going to take on a masculine appearance, she's going to have facial hair, her skin's going to look rough, her voice is going to get deep. Seriously, she will go through a physical transformation and a lot of other stuff we don't want to talk about that will happen physically. But you know what will happen? Her sex drive will go through the roof. So this is evidence of— it's— there's a lot of biology at play there. So, uh, a lot of women in our lives, a lot of the men that I talk to, their wives are going through what's called perimenopause, which is the early stages of before you go through full-blown menopause. How I've described it— excuse me if you've heard me say this a few hundred times— it's like there's certain dials in our body of for women, let's use a— we have progesterone, which is one hormone. We have estrogen, and we have testosterone, and we have your thyroid. And all these things work in concert together to keep you healthy and keep you able to make babies. But a process happens for some women as early as like late 30s, for most women early mid-40s, where the body says, shut it down, you ain't— we don't want you making babies no more. And next thing you know, this gets dialed down and this gets dialed down. Slowly but surely, all these things get dialed down. And the women go, I'm not feeling so good anymore, and my sex drive is like, ugh, it used to be here, now it's here, and it's slowly going down, I notice. And now I'm having hot flashes. Like, I'm telling everybody, like, open the window, turn on the air conditioning. Like, I'm not feeling very good. They go to the doctor, the doctor says, well, sweetheart, welcome to getting older. You're going through perimenopause. And one was like, oh shit, I didn't see it coming this early. And, um, that doesn't happen to us dudes. There is a thing called andropause, which is a completely made-up term meaning we notice our testosterone dwindles with time. Even with that, relative to the wife, it's still way up here compared to her. So you got a guy who is 63 years of age, we take his blood levels and we go, his testosterone is down here compared to what it was when he was 25. But still, if you hook up a libido measuring machine to him, his libido is going to be higher than his wife, who's same age. You catch my drift? So it makes sense biologically why we would always kind of be above them in that department. Um, now there are some women that say, I want it so many times a day, my husband does not. You are an anomaly. You are not— you don't represent the average. You don't represent the norm. God bless you, that's awesome if you're wired that way. There's nothing wrong with that whatsoever. And I would go to husband and say, you got work to do, you got to catch up to wife. But, um, you don't represent the norm. So we have that. And there's also an aspect of this whole long-term relationship game which is not very nice, and it's something that books have been written on. Books by, uh, like Esther Perel, for example, who's a psychotherapist. Um, Wednesday Martin is a PhD. Our own friend Dr. Psych Mom talks about this incessantly. She's a psychologist, and the phenomenon is— I'm going to put it out there, all right, don't shoot the messenger. Again, books written by women talking about this. There's a phenomenon of when in a long-term monogamous relationship, compared to her libido or sexual desire when she was in an uncertain state of a relationship, or on the market, or single. Like, again, there's no way for us to scientifically measure libido or sex drive in a person, sexual desire in a person, without asking them, how do you feel right now? So let's say there was a machine that could, you know, hook it up to the brain and go, let's measure your sex drive. When that woman is single or at the early stage of a relationship, it is like, I don't know, make made-up number, 8 out of 10. When that same woman, same hormones coursing through her system, um, her husband used to be boyfriend is every bit the amazing guy that he was before. So let's put that out there. He's doing the same amount of courting and loving and everything else. When all else is equal, that woman will report— and if again we hook up the fake machine to her head that measures sexual drive, we will notice it went from an 8 to a 4. And you're like, what happened? Don't know. There seems to be a phenomenon at work that says when in a long-term committed monogamous relationship, the female sex drive tends to go down, even when all things are equal, even when the dude has the most amazing resume of dude-ness there is. He does every chore, he's the greatest dad in the world, he's the sweetest guy in the world, he stays emotionally connected to his wife. Most women, not all, most women will report, oh yeah, my sex drive went from here to here. And that's perfectly natural, and it's perfectly normal, and it's nothing to freak the fuck out about. Men and women both, oh my gosh, she doesn't love me anymore, oh my gosh, she's cheating. No, dude, she's a human female. And the women going, this must mean our relationship is not meant to be. No, chill the fuck out, you're fine, okay? It takes work to maintain that, or it's not— it's, it's not realistic to say I want to maintain the honeymoon levels of sexual desire indefinitely. Now again, there'll be some women going, well, I do. Well, you are an anomaly.

You're—

congratulations, you're not the norm. For most, it's like— I, I liken it to like the little EKG beep beep. So like, you want to get up here? Well, you don't stay up here. You hit it every now and then. You hit it every now and then. And how do you hit that level every now and then? Sweetheart, kids go to Grandma's, you and I are going away for the weekend. We're reconnecting as a couple. Woohoo! Beep beep beep! We'll notice that, like, a lot of guys will say, I took my wife to Cancun or something, we relaxed on the beach, we got the hell away from the kids, her and I had the best conversations ever, we really reconnected. And what did the guy say? I saw the old girl back again. I haven't seen her smile like that in a long time. I'm watching her and we reconnected and she put on a sexy little number and we went dancing and we had the greatest two nights of our— we've had in a long time, if you know what I mean. So the guy's like, woohoo, how do we maintain that? Well, to maintain that indefinitely consistently is not very realistic, but you can see the little blips. And I wrote a book about this. Pardon me as I reach— The Dead Bedroom Fix. This is my best-selling book. Um, check that out, Amazon, Apple Books, wherever.

Out there.

Yes, audio version read by yours truly on, on Audible and Apple Books and Spotify. You can get on Spotify Audio as well. Um, but I talk all about the work that men can do. This is a book for men, The Dead Bedroom Fix. It's not all on the men to do the work, but dude, you're the only thing you can control is you, and you're the dude. So here's a book about what you can do. But yes, there are things that the woman needs to do too. She needs to keep herself open to certain things. She needs to understand how responsive desire works in women, which is once we get in the act, then, oh yeah, I like this. But if you keep resisting and resisting, you're going to slowly disconnect from your dude, and that's not good. And dude, there are things you need to do to keep you connected as well. So when I hear a lot of guys go, what the hell's the deal with my libido up here and hers down here? Well, that's part of it. It's a function of human nature. When in a long-term, committed, monogamous relationship, for the average woman, the libido even when all things are equal, the libido goes from here to here. Welcome to human nature. It seems like human nature wants us to make babies, split up, and go do it with somebody else. That's in essence what's going on here. You don't want to do that? Well, then you got to fight it. You got to get to work. And your partner doesn't want to do the work? Well, shit, I don't know what to tell you, dude. Get you a new one. Or, you know, tell them like, this is really important, this type of work. It's very important to me to do this stuff, to stay connected this way. 'Oh, you don't think it's that important?' Got a fundamental disconnect here. Not good. Uh, Kpen from YouTube says, 'I've lost the weight, I younged up as much as possible at 43 years of age.' Younged up, that's a new one for you. 'Quit drinking, good for you. The wife acknowledged that I've changed, but she still hasn't upped her libido. She suggested fooling around this weekend.' Well, so she's trying, dude. Um, she still hasn't upped her libido. What you've done is you've kind of framed it as 'Hey woman, you know those knobs? Go ahead and turn one of those up.' It doesn't work that way, dude. Um, what she needs— instead of you framing it as 'get hornier,' what you need to frame it as is 'open yourself up to potential for reconnecting with your husband,' which may in turn result in some sexy time. And she sounds like she's saying, 'I'm opening myself up to the potential of increasing sexy time with you this weekend. Let's get it on, dude.' Don't shame her for that. Just say, you got it, wife. Slam the bejesus out of that woman. Excuse me, excuse the, the verbiage here, but in other words, have fun. Don't get all pissy with her and this is not what I want. I want a woman who wants me 24/7. It ain't gonna happen, dude. So when you have those opportunities, jump on them. Be the sweet, lovable, but take-charge kind of dude that she wants. And read my book, The Dead Bedroom Fix. I'm gonna annoy the shit out of you guys by holding this up over and over again. Mr. James, I'm sorry to hear this, brother, from Facebook. 9 months divorced, uh, you're still crying daily over the end of your relationship. Well, my friends, that's, that's not good. Um, I'm not going to shame you for, for having feelings, for being an emotional human being. Um, that's tough, my man. I would want to talk to you one-on-one to really get to the bottom what's going on, uh, or maybe a therapist would be better suited for that. Um, I would be suited for probably, in addition to talking to a therapist to get kind of the more emotional things, I would be for more of the action-oriented things of what we can do to expedite the disconnection. There is what we're talking about. Because that shows that there's maybe some unhealthy connection still there with a person who is, in essence, dumped you, I guess we could say. I don't know, I don't know the circumstances of that. Uh, Mr. James, are you involved in our— your name, I apologize, I've seen it quite a bit, and I don't know if it's because I saw in the group as well as the, uh, comments and so forth. I, I've seen so many thousands of people, so please pardon my ignorance here, but are you involved in our support community, the Brotherhood? Let me bring up that little banner here, shall I? If not, join us, dude. I mean, it's, it's a group for guys struggling. It's not gonna break the bank. I talked about the cost of it— $27 a month to join the group. And if you don't like it, you just cancel and you're out 27 bucks. But you get all my books and the discussion forums and the meetings and all this other stuff. So you get your money's worth for 27 bucks to give it a shot. And, uh, you'll connect with other guys that have been there, done that, and guys going through it. That's very valuable. Um, men just kind of poo-poo the whole— the importance of community. It's hugely important, dude, especially when you're struggling, to know that you're not alone and to learn from others that have been there, done that. Um, Mr. K Pen, uh, but I kind of see it like I'll start my diet on Monday, so I told her we will see. Planning on going out of town instead of to the alumni event. I told her we need to work on our social skills together. Uh, what is the next step? I listen on Spotify and Audible and all the same week. Oh, very cool. Um, could it be a test? Yeah, you're going all over the place, dude, with this. Chill, calm down. Check out the group. Check it out, seriously. I'm not trying to sell you on something you don't need, dude, but what I'm hearing is a guy who needs to surround himself with like-minded people who are— who have been there and done that. They say, chill out, dude, you know, enjoy your time with your wife over the weekend. Don't go in with certain expectations and she's got to say this and then she's testing me. Be cool, brother, all right? Your wife is putting in some effort. I know it's not the effort you want. I know you want some kind of nympho that's all over you and all that other good stuff. It ain't gonna happen. Not immediately, not right away, not with the consistency that you want. Are you an ADHD dude? I mentioned ADHD. It's a form of neurodivergence because it is so freaking common in my group, and, uh, it's very common, um, for ADHD guys to have kind of a hypersexual component to their personality. And, uh, they're not one to sit back and wait for things patiently. They're like, let's go, let's do this, let's do that, and jumping around a lot. And, uh, um, part of that jumping around a lot is, um, also an obsessive component in terms of learning about this relationship stuff and everything. So I'm one of many books and podcasts and stuff that they listen to or read. So that's why I bring that up. That may contribute to some of your impatience with all this. Um, how can I find one of those women, Mr. CR? Uh, what do you mean by the one of those women? A healthy woman. That's what I'm talking about, isn't it? If you're talking about a, uh, if you're talking about a gal that is willing to work on things with you and stay connected with you and so forth, Yes, they exist. I know, shocker. Um, but they are. And some of you guys are like, yeah, right, I've never seen one. Yeah, I know, because you're like me, uh, up until 10 years ago or so, which is you surrounded yourself with shitheads, probably men and women alike. And then you're like, man, I think all these people are shitheads. No, dude, you just surround yourself with shitheads. Oh yeah, but I get online and I hear the same thing from other guys. Yeah, they all do the same thing. Um, you need— you have some big picture stuff to, to, uh, work on. Let me— pardon me for a second, I'm going to put a little banner up here on, on the screen and also put it in the, uh— do I have it made already? No, I don't. Create a banner, it says here. All right, I'll do that. They're going to go to boom. Add banner. There we go. And where'd it go? Oh, there it is. Boom. Um, go there, helpformen.com/rebuild. That will put you on— no, there's no cost, no money, no nothing. But, um, that will put you on a list, an email list, and that list will be informed, uh, when my book Rebuild is available for early access. So if you get on that list, you get an early access to a book before anybody else does. In that book, Rebuild is all for those men that are like, a, a big thing happened to me in life. For often it's guys that I've been cheated on, I've been divorced, um, I've discovered some horrible— I lost my job, I lost my child, whatever it may be, some horrible calamitous thing in life which has caused you to kind of question, where do I go from here? And it really boils down to when you talk to a lot of guys, which I have talked to many guys over the years, it really boils down to a lot of really basic questions. And one of those basic questions says, dude, what do you want? And you'll hear some kind of like really kind of platitude kind of stuff. A wife who loves me. Well, that's— what are we going to do with that? You're going to go out in the world and go, who, who of you wants to love me? No, it doesn't work that way, does it? What else do you want, dude? A woman who wants me sexually. A woman who is open to— okay. Really what it boils down to is I really don't know what I want specifically because I don't know who I am. I don't know what I stand for. I don't know what my identity is. I don't know my values are necessarily, especially when it comes to relationships. All I know is I just allow things to kind of happen to me. So I surround myself with all these kind of women, and then I'm like pissed that I'm surrounded by all these women, and I'm pissed that I keep forming relationships with these kind of women. And, and these relationships all seem to go in this direction. It's like they act like they're very powerless when it comes to all this stuff, when in essence, years ago, they should have done— but better late than never— to do the work of really sitting back and going, who am I? What do I want out of life? And, and then it goes into, and what do I want out of a partner? People don't like that word. Spouse, girlfriend, significant other, whatever you want to call them. To go through life with, if that's in fact what you want. And then things become a lot clearer, dude, when you do that really basic work that's outlined in this book coming out, Rebuild. Suddenly the thought of all these thoughts of women only want you for one thing and, and, uh, you can never make a woman happy, all that becomes just complete bullshit because it's like suddenly everything is reframed as This is what I want out of life. This is what I stand for. And do these people— friends, employers, let's go there, co-workers, colleagues, romantic partners— do they fall within that? If not, then get them out of your purview. They're not on— they're not on the table anymore. You're more concerned with surrounding yourself with people and situations and jobs and whatever it may be that fall in line with who you are. What a novel concept. It sounds very pie-in-the-sky, grandiose statements, but it all goes back to that, and that will resolve a lot of issues. And then you don't have to worry so much about, is she doing this because of this? You didn't think of it? It all— that just goes away, believe it or not. So check that out, helpformen.com/rebuild. I'll put it in the comments here if I can do that. Let me bring comments back here. All right, kind of typing blind here. I can't see. That should go in the comments, uh, and then in the chat there for the YouTube guys. So check that out, go there, get put on the list, and I'll eventually maybe have a— I'll have my typical— we'll do like a low-cost thing to start with for the first week or two for guys that are on the, on the list early. As a thank you for signing up early, we'll give you a low-cost like PDF you can download, or maybe even a low-cost, uh, book you can print like on Amazon or something like that. And then I'll eventually have, uh, you can buy a signed copy from me and it'll come with maybe a free month to the Brotherhood, another kind of offer. So be on the lookout for that. But if you get signed up for that, you'll be informed of whatever we got going on. So check it out there, guys. I think a lot of you guys would benefit from that, but as the author of the book, I'm a little biased. Uh, yeah, you may read the thing and go, this ain't it at all, dude. Well, then it ain't for you. But for a lot of guys, which is why I spent so much time writing this thing— it's been a, a year or so process writing this book. Um, it's basically a conglomeration collection of all the stuff I've learned over the years after writing all my other books, um, talking to so many guys over all these decade-plus, our, our Brotherhood group and all these meetings we've had, kind of trying to put everything together in what I've determined is kind of the, the one prescription, if you will, for how to do this thing right. This thing being a life, trying to be a healthy dude, a good man going through life and finding people to intertwine your life with, as I often say. Um, guys, I'm going to call it quits now. It's been about an hour, but I do think each and every one of you for joining me. Really great stuff, guys. Thank you all so very much. If you could, before we leave, can you give me a like on this? I would appreciate it. Just wherever you're watching this, just go and click on the little thumb uppy thingy, give me a like. Uh, if you're watching this on YouTube, give me a subscribe. That helps me out a great deal. If you're watching this on Facebook, wherever it is, give me a follow. Um, all of those things tell the different platforms like, oh, this guy's good, we should share his stuff with others. That helps me out a lot, and that allows others to see this in the future. So give me a like, I would appreciate it a great deal. Thank you so very much, guys. Thank you. I see them coming in here slowly but surely. Thank you, guys. Um, I'm not sure when my next one of these will be. My schedule's all a mess here. We're coming up on the holidays already, can you believe it? And I got some travels and things coming up. My birthday is coming up, so I'm hanging out with some friends that I haven't seen in, uh, couple years or so, going to be hanging out with them, looking forward to that. And then my wife and I— my wife's got some kind of surprise trip thing coming up for me for my birthday, and then we got Thanksgiving, and then we got Christmas. So in addition to all my work that I got going on, I got my, my member meetings, and, uh, not gonna be writing any more books after this one for a while, and, uh, videos. And I'm a busy dude, so we'll see when I have time to do another one of these. I'm eyeballing maybe a week from today, next Friday. But you, you will all know. I'll let you guys all know. So again, click on like if you could, please. I'd appreciate it. But guys, I appreciate all of you. Thank you all so very much, and I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day and an awesome weekend. A toodaloo!