Chat with Ralph - Live!

Chat with Ralph, it's the place to be. Ba da da da, ba da da da. Bald as the moon but full of tea. Ba da ba da ba, ba da da da da ba da. Divorce debates and cheating confessions. Sexless nights and awkward questions. Oh, Chat with Ralph, it's a laugh and a half. Grab a seat, tune in for the gaffs. Bald and bold, spilling the truth. Get ready folks, here's your proof. Got no hair but I got the flair. Marriage drama, we lay it bare. Infidelity, it's a spicy stew. Pour a cup, let's talk it through. So join the fun, don't miss a thing. Chat with Ralph Brewer, secrets swing. Bald is beautiful and that's a fact. Now hit that stream, it's time to act!

All right, that will never get old. I love my new intro music. I'm sorry, I know it makes me a complete nerd, but I'm all about it. That was, uh, for those that didn't see the last live stream I did, that was completely generated by AI. How cool is that? All I did was spend like $10 and typed in a little description, and 3 seconds later it spit that out. So yeah, AI is definitely going to take all our jobs away. Sorry guys, um, but, uh How you guys doing? It's your boy Raffalito here for yet another live. Hope you all are doing well. CR, you say that jingle, smiley face, I guess I'm showing my age. It sounds like an old sitcom. That's what I was going for. I actually put in the description when I generated that, I said I want an old-timey radio jingle. Um, I was in radio for a very brief period of my life. I don't know if you guys know that. And, um, so I kind of have an affinity to radio and all things radio. I had a dream there for a while being a radio guy. It's so funny how life works. Um, I, uh, I've told the story before, so I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself, but I was 17 years of age and I was living in small town Indiana, rural Indiana, and we had a radio station in town that was advertising on their radio show. And my mom told me because it was like what I call at the time old people music. I didn't listen to it. It was like big band stuff. And, um, she's like, I listened to the local radio station and they're looking for an engineer announcer, and, um, she— you should go apply. And I'm like, I'm 17 years old, what do I know about being a, you know, announcer and DJ or whatever? And she's like, what can it hurt to go ask? So you know what, God bless my mom, she has a point. What the hell is it gonna hurt? So I walked in and, um, Got— talked to the guy, the manager of the place. Excuse me, got the burps today. And, um, I remember the gist of the whole interview was basically him just kind of like looking at me like, dude, this ain't happening, come on. And I was just— it was like, yeah, I don't know anything about radio, always wanted to, it sounds cool, I heard you had the ad and blah blah blah. And he showed me around the place and he's like, yeah, we typically only hire people like college grads that have, you know, a degree in radio and they know the way around the board because it's pretty complicated, all the board and everything else. And running everything and how to announce. And thanks, kid, but no thanks, but appreciate the energy, you know, see you later. And then, um, I think it was 2 weeks later I got a call from them, um, you still interested in the job? Nobody else applied. It's like, yeah, sure. That began my radio career. So I did that for like, um, a year, year and a half, something like that. And then I went to college and I did another few semesters, I think. I didn't see— and you know what, it's sad because I, I loved it. I enjoyed— I love music, I love the whole radio thing, the whole atmosphere of it. But everyone, and I mean every single person that I ran into that wasn't a professor at college, basically told me, dude, don't do it. It's— you'll make nothing money-wise, it's stressful all to hell, you'll end up going to work in some radio station, podunk nowhere. The only people that make money on this are like the Howard Sterns of the world and so forth. So I dropped my radio thing completely at that point, then went into IT, you know, boring and everything else. But I say it's funny how life works because here I am, full circle, on a microphone talking to people all over the world. You know, I've had some videos and so forth that have, that have hit tens of millions of people. That's insane for some nobody bald dude. I'm here in my basement, in case you guys didn't know that. Um, you know, And, um, but that's kind of cool how life works. And I retain some of those, um, skills, you know, and how to do things and mix things and how to speak properly and all the other good stuff. So I retained some of that. So it's kind of cool how everything works out. But enough about that. So, um, for those that don't know, my name is Ralph Brewer Brewer Brewer. You are probably watching this, if you're like most people, on some channel somewhere like YouTube or Facebook or even on X or Twitter or whatever the hell it's called. Um, under the name of Dad Starting Over. What's up, Ralph? Says Joey. Well, what's up, Joey? And hey all, says Metal GT. Um, but I've been putting out content under the Dad Starting Over name for over 10 years now. Been heavy into videos over the past, like, I don't know, 4 or 5 years or something like that. And, um, hundreds if not thousands of video clips out there. You've probably seen with the bald head guy yapping away, Mr. Know-it-all. And then, um I have also authored 5 books now. I was going to say 4, but number 5 is coming out here really, really soon, and it's called Rebuild. And you guys can get on the early notifier list. I'm going to give everyone on that list like a week notice ahead of time. You can get it before anybody else. Go to, uh, I think I have a little banner here for that. Let me see, shall I? Yeah, go to help4men.com/rebuild. Get put on the list and get informed before everybody else when the new book is released, and it'll be here real soon. help4men.com/rebuild. Rebuild. That's my latest book, my 5th one. And in fact, to say I wrote 5 books doesn't do it justice because 2 of those books have multiple editions. So I've been really busy with the writing thing, and— but I love it. That's a big part of what I do, and that's how, um, probably most people out in the world know me is from my books. One of those books really took off and sold a lot of copies, and so a lot of people know me from that. And because of that, that has allowed me to expand my work, and I'll get into exactly what that work is here in a second. But I have a private support community for men now called the Brotherhood, and you can learn more at help4men.com/join. Check that out, help4men.com/join. Private community, private forums, live Zoom meetings, all my books at no additional charge, coaching courses. We get together in person. We're having our first annual— or first annual, excuse me, 6th annual conference in the United States coming up here in March 2026 in Louisville, Kentucky. We would love for you to join us. And so check it out, the Brotherhood at help4men.com/join. Of all the things I've ever done, that's the one I'm most proud of because we're really helping guys, really changing lives. And, um, we got a lot of, we got a lot of dudes out there that are really hurting and need to need a helping hand. And what better way to do that than to join a community of like-minded dudes that are all working together to do better and get hundreds and hundreds of them from all over the world together And that's what we do. I've been doing that for years now. So anyway, if I had to encapsulate exactly what I do, the theme of what it is that I do, I give you some background here for those that don't know. I went through a not-so-nice period of my life about 13 years ago now, and that involved infidelity on the part of my partner, that involved a divorce, that involved me starting over, wiping the slate clean and saying everything you thought was one way, done. You got to start over, Ralphie boy. So that's what I've been doing, and I did pretty well at it and came out smelling pretty good, as I often say. And by virtue of the fact of how— because I was helping other people along the way, and when you help and you teach, then you learn as you go. And I've been— I basically devoted my professional life to helping out Dudes all over the world do the same, rebuilding themselves. Hence the new book I have coming out called Rebuild. Um, so I've been doing that in the form of writing primarily, and then that branched out into videos, and that branched out into a support community, a membership group if you will, the conferences, everything that I mentioned. I've done some speaking engagements and so forth. So that's my story, folks. And I then— I do on occasion— I'd like to say every week, but Every now and then I gotta skip a week with my schedule. I got 4 kids. I got Ralph Brewer's got to make money somehow. I got to work and do all these other things. This is my full-time job, the Help for Men thing and creating content under Dad Starting Over. But, uh, it takes up all my time and then some. So to squeeze in an hour here for these, uh, or so for these live streams is a little tough. I mean, as soon as I'm done with this, I gotta run across town and do something else, and then run across town, do something else, and run across I'm all over the place, dude. I'm one of those guys, got the kids and everything else, so much stuff. So anywho, I do appreciate you all joining me today, means a lot to me. Thank you so very much. And how these usually go is that I say, guys, I'm here to chat. This is not so much let's tune in and listen to Ralph Brewer blab on and on. There are plenty of videos out there that can accomplish that, where you just sit and watch me video after video talk about stuff. But this is where I give you guys the opportunity to Talk to me, say what's on your mind, let's hear it. Got any questions? Maybe you've seen some of my material and you're like, I wish I could talk to this guy and ask him to clarify something or to expand on something, or, oh my gosh, that happened to me, I want to talk about it with somebody. Now's your chance. Um, CR says you did sign up for the Brotherhood. Well, thank you, Mr. CR, man, I appreciate that, but I've been putting off typing up your story because it will take too long in my mind because I'm a perfectionist and I won't get all the details. Mr. CR, that's kind of OCD of you, dare I say, buddy. Um, first of all, what we hear from a lot of folks is, hey guys, sorry for the long post, guys will say when they're, when they're typing in the forums. And we say, dude, that's what we're here for. Let it out, man. I don't care if it's 19 screens that we have to scroll through, man. Let's hear it. Don't worry about getting every little detail. The thing is, you can always go back and go, hey, forgot this part of it, you know, in the comments when you put put a post together. Um, so yeah, let her rip. Let's, uh, let's see what you got to say. Not here necessarily, but in the group. We would love to hear it. We hear a lot of the guys also in our live meetings say, I don't want to hog up all the meeting here, guys. It's like, dude, if we take up a whole hour talking just to you, that's cool, that's fine. It's a meeting amongst bros talking to each other. That's what we're here for. A lot of men feel a lot of shame for sharing, a lot of shame for opening up. He's like, I don't want to burden everybody with my emotion. Which is sad, isn't it? Because they've been taught probably since they were kiddos that that's how they feel doesn't have a lot of merit, that they need to keep that under wraps, that they can't go to their mom and dad with not so nice things, that they can't go to their brothers, sisters, and friends because they get shamed and shunned for it. And that affects them down the line. Oh yeah, it does, big time. And we hear from a lot of those guys, and a lot of those guys, uh, morph into what you call the, um, Oh, what are they called? The nice guy archetype. I'm gonna take off my jacket, it's a little hot in here. Ralphie's stripping down. Oh, this live stream just got more interesting. But, uh, I want to show the guns there. Um, where was I? What was I talking about? I already lost my train of thought. Guys, help me. What was I saying before I disrobed? My brain, if something— squirrel— I'm done. I'm, you know, I just, I, I go off the rails there. What was I talking about? CR, help me out here since you're the last one to comment there. What are we talking about? Wow, that's bad. I'm getting old, folks. I'm turning 50 here soon. 5-0. Yeah, I've been saying I'm 50 for a while now because basically when you're 49 and in several months you just tell everybody, yeah, I'm 50. Um, so yeah, that's a big, big step for yours truly. Um, I think I'm taking it harder than, uh, um, than what I would like to admit. Aging, it's, uh, it's, it's, it's, uh, it's interesting. I, I said this in a live stream before, I think, that, um, something that made me say, oh wow, was, uh, I heard somebody say, 50, huh? You know, you got more years behind you than you have ahead of you. I'm like, never thought of it that way. Oh my God, you're right. Probably, you know, unless I'm one of those rare centurions or whatever the hell they call it. Um, but, uh, um, yeah, so I'm, uh, you know, on top of just the number that the old body is shutting down, so to speak, I'm a guy who's been very physically active for pretty much all my adulthood, whether it's playing organized, you know, club sports or something like that, or working out in the gym. Um, it's always been a really part of my personas Mr. Physical. So when the body is just like, cool it, dude, you know, not, not so much anymore. That's been really, really tough for me, surprisingly, um, to handle. You know, I, uh, I go out and I got a— my youngest boy is, uh, 14 years of age, and we play basketball almost every day, weather permitting, outside. I got a nice hoop out in the, in the driveway. I got one of those Gorilla Goals. I don't know if you know that is— you can dunk on and stuff. It's awesome. So, uh, um, so we play on that all the time. I'm telling you, old me, I don't know, 30-some-year-old me, maybe even 40-some-year-old me, game after game after game, they got the cardio, never had any kind of knee pain or anything, hip, whatever. No, you know, that wasn't even a concept in my mind. Just play pickup game after pickup game, go, go. And especially as a kid, man, I played like hours of basketball. And now I play 2 short one-on-one games with my 14-year-old boy, done. Knees hurting, just bodies just like, dude, stop. And it's like, man, and you want to keep me like up here, your brain's like, I want to keep going, I want to keep doing. And the body's like, you know, Father Time's like, dude, cool it. That's been tough for me to deal with. And working out in the gym, not as much oomph as I used to have. Strength's gone down a little bit. Um, yeah, so it's, you know, and that's all natural. Uh, hormonally, yes, I've talked about this in past, um, live streams. I do take testosterone therapy, and I have for a while. I don't take supraphysiological doses like a lot of guys do, like I'm not on a steroid cycle or something like that. It's basically kind of as a maintenance to, you know, what's the, what's the word, to keep the Grim Reaper away as much as possible. But even with that as a baseline and it keeps me at a high normal level. Even then, the body's like, dude, getting old, and that's tough. So, um, in addition to that, you know, watching your, your spouse age— I have, uh, my wife number 2, Natalie, um, hopefully last one. She is 43 years of age and I'm watching her slowly go through the little perimenopause thing and she's not enjoying that either. She's doing the hormonal thing But still, the old body's like— not to share too much— like a regular periods and things like that. And it's just, it's not fun. So we got two aging people that are going through the not-so-fun process of aging, and it's kind of a bummer. Better than the alternative though, right? Which is what, 6 feet under or whatever, or incapacitated completely? We're still both relatively healthy. We've both got our minds about us, as I completely lose my train of thought in the middle of a live stream. But, uh, knock on wood, we're pretty lucky, pretty lucky people. So with that being said, guys, um, don't feel bad about sharing anything. Don't think it's weird. Don't think it's something nobody will be interested in. Don't think it's something that's been covered a million times. I and whoever else is on this with me today are here to help you out. Um, CR says, that's the thing, dot dot dot, you being able and willing to lose them if they don't act right. Where'd that come from? Um, how do you know when it's time to have the healthy talk? Oh, very okay. I think I know where, where you're coming with this, Mr. CR. So what CR is referring to is, in my book The Dead Bedroom Fix and a lot of my material, I talk about there's a difference between Let me pause that train of thought. We have some guys that say, I can't go to my wife and emote. I can't tell her what's bothering me. I can't come to her and say I'm very upset about fill in the blank because I've tried it before and she's just like, don't give a shit, buzz off. Not very nice. Or even worse, I've been open and vulnerable with my wife very often, a very avoidant type of wife who doesn't really want to hear all the emotion stuff, doesn't want to connect in that way, doesn't want to be vulnerable. She ain't going to no therapy and all those stuff. And you come to her with I'm scared, I'm upset, I'm sad, I'm whatever, my job's in jeopardy, I'm scared about our future, you know, very real normal human emotion type stuff. And, um, sometimes the old female spouse doesn't take it well, and at worst, or even worse, uses it against the man. As you know, when you had that moment of vulnerability, that's when I no longer felt safe with you. That's why we don't physical intimacy. That's why we don't connect. That's why, because I don't like you in that way anymore, because dude, you made a big oopsie and you opened up to me. And I always tell guys, that says more about her than it does you, dude. That's not a demonization of opening up and being a human being. That's a demonization of her and her inability to cope when something goes haywire. Like, it's a very avoidant trait in people. Avoidants don't make the best long-term partners. Sorry, avoidant people out there, men and women both. By the way, most avoidants are men. Um, it's really tough to navigate the whole relationship turbulent waters when you have that personality trait, if you will. Attachment style, to be more specific. So anywho, um, what a lot of guys that I talk to do is, by virtue of the fact that they're kind of anxious in their temperament, is that they will go to wife and go— after they've built up all this negative energy, sadness, anger, frustration, whatever it is in, in their body, and they can't hold it back anymore. And the wife's like, what the hell's wrong with you? You've been pouting a lot lately. And the guy's like, oh yeah, boom, and he lets it out. And he, what we call, emotionally vomits all over his woman. And she's just like, where the hell this come from? And if she'll say what a lot of women say, which is, okay, you just said you were upset about something that I did a year ago, mister. Why didn't you bring it up then? Why are you holding it back and just bring it up now? The hell's wrong with you? She's got a point. Um, but he's like, well, because over the years you've taught me that I can't emote and you don't like it. And the men get overly emotional. Not unusual for a person that holds in stuff to maybe weep, start crying, getting shaky. And the woman's sitting back like, what the hell is this? This guy's kind of flying off his rocker here. This is a little nutty. It's kind of scary to sit back and watch my man do. Understandable. Then there is what we call the healthy version of the talk. Comes from a place of strength.

Calm.

Let's use the sex thing as an example. Um, wife, have a seat. I want to talk about something. I don't want to talk about it. Just 5 minutes, all right? Just sit down. Right away, strength, leadership if you will. It's no-bullshit attitude. We gotta talk. Something's up. What's up? Things are weird between us and they have been for a while. You and I both know it. Let's just stop bullshitting. We don't do this anymore. We don't do that anymore. We don't do dates. We don't touch each other. We don't kiss.

We don't even—

we barely talk anymore. And we just keep tap dancing around the issue and ignoring it, and giant elephant in the room, whatever. And we're just like, la di la, nothing to see there. And I'm kind of tired of that shit. Here's the deal, wife. You see that I'm trying to reconnect with you. You see I'm trying to work on us. I'm not perfect. I know I goof up every now and then, whatever, but at least I'm trying. What I don't see is you, Triandwifey, and I've suggested like the counseling, I've suggested like the dates, I suggest like let's just sit and watch TV together, whatever it may be, and you're just like no, no, no, no, no. I don't know what to do here. Is it me?

Is it you?

Is it with the— let's go talk to somebody about this. What do you say? Because I'm willing to work on this. Or are you willing to work on this? Because if not, let's just shake hands and call it a day. That last part, that's what no man does. I shouldn't say no man. A lot of the men that I talk to, they don't do that whole 'cause if we don't, then let's just call it quits. Because I think innately a lot of the men in those circumstances know that the wife's gonna go like, all right, see ya. And that sucks to be, you know, devote yourself to a person for so long and then be told like, yeah, you're right, dude, I don't like you all that much, see you later, bye. But if there is hope for those kind of really broken relationships to reconnect, it's exactly that. It's to say I'm willing to walk away from this because this is unhealthy, and frankly, I deserve better than this. I'm a pretty good dude, I'm a good husband, and I love your wife. That's why I married you. But when I don't get stuff in return, that's— it's weird and it's stupid of me, a person like me, to hang around in something like that. I'm trying like hell too. I'm not just giving up. I've been trying like hell, but you were just like, no, no, no. So ball's in your court, wife. What do you say? Often what gets the ball rolling is talk of like, we got a family we had to keep together, we got the kids, and It's sad because it's not so much the woman saying, I have genuine desire and love and romantic feelings towards my husband, that's what makes me want to work on this. What often makes the woman want to work on this is the family thing and the kid thing. Kind of heartbreaking for a lot of guys to hear, but let's be honest, that's 9 times out of 10 what's going to save something like this. But once you get an agreement from her to say, okay, I hear you, you're right, let's work on this, It's not going to be like, it's all better now. It's like we go talk to somebody, we reconnect. Oh, we fumbled the ball, we messed up. Okay, back on the saddle, so to speak. We keep going, we keep trying. Years down the line, maybe your relationship is more something that is healthier and something that you're happy with, or maybe not. At least you tried, right? So that's a healthy version of the talk. So I guess let me go back up here to Mr. CR. How do you know when it's time to have that? Well, one thing that a lot of guys do, and I don't necessarily disagree with this, I think it's a good measure, I guess you could say, or when it's time to flip that switch, really look at yourself and say, have you really been trying? Have you worked on yourself some of the selfish things? Um, this sounds shallow and terrible to say out loud, but This is realistic, guys. Let's say you're a dude who's got beer belly out to here. You haven't done a damn thing to take care of yourself. You dress like a slob, showers, eh, whenever you get around to it. You don't take— you don't help take care of the home at all. You're one of those guys that just comes in, sits down, plays on his computer games all day long, burps and farts and does whatever. And then you turn to the wife and go, we need to have a talk. How come we don't have sex no more? I don't know why I always go to that accent when I'm and she'll look at you up and down and go, who that— what? Who the hell are you to, you know, say that we should work on the relationship and all this other stuff? When are you going to start? So a lot of guys kind of, um, cut that off at the pass, so to speak, and put the work in on themselves. They work on themselves physically. They go to therapy and talk about some of the shit that's been gnawing at them and how they have an inability to cope with certain things. A lot of guys have a difficulty coping with with a lot of the bad stuff. They feel very anxious, they're very stressed out, maybe a little depression, whatever it may be. They work on that, they become a more open, energetic, attractive human being. And sometimes just by virtue of that, they don't have to say a word, the spouse says, 'I see what you're doing, good job, I'm going to come over to your side a little bit more.' Ideally, that's what happens, but often, no. But that guy, let's be honest, if he goes to the wife and says, 'Let's work on this,' he's more apt to get a positive result than Mr. Shithead guy that I mentioned before. So maybe, CR, it's when you get your shit in line, when you work on your stuff, you know. Don't just go from A to Z immediately and expect her to go, yeah, okay, cool. Rarely does that work. So that may be one, one way, one measure of when is it time to have the talk. Pardon me, do you have any type of— Alec from Facebook says, do you have any type of guidance when it comes to co-parenting when you live in two different states. How the hell that happen? I'm about to finalize my divorce and she will be moving to two— she'll be moving two different states. So divorce, so she takes kid away, goes to a different state. That's highly unusual, dude. Um, I assume you're cool with that. Um, like, I assume kid goes with her the majority of the time, and then what crosses state lines to come see Dad every now and then? Like, how's that going to work? That's going to be very difficult. In fact, most divorce agreements have something in place that says, and you, ex-spouse, co-parent, will not live X number of miles away because I, co-parent number 1, need you to help parent this kiddo. The kid needs their both parents in their life. So no, you can't go travel across state lines, whatever it may be. Sounds like you didn't have that. Um, in your, um, divorce agreement, but you're still finalizing, so maybe this is a moot point. Alec, can you put in the agreement that no, she can't do that? I don't know, a lot of questions, my man, as you can see. David says— I need— David from YouTube says, I need some advice on dealing with my wife's affair partner now being part of my kids' lives. Every man's worst nightmare. Our marriage blew up a year ago and I've healed a lot, but him entering their lives last week set me back. Of course, dude. Every dude, or gal for that matter, you know. In fact, it's funny, I think women have a harder time with that than men do, you know. Let's say husband cheats. Yes, it happens, guys. I know everyone wants to think we're angels, but trust me, men cheat. Most don't, but it's, it's a thing. And let's say he gets himself a new pretty young girlfriend or whatever.

That—

a lot of women are like, oof, that hits below the belt. Maybe not the right phrase to use for women, but you know what I mean. It really hurts. And that's like the every woman's worst nightmare thing. And then divorces her, moves away, and the next thing you know, your child is talking about dad's new girlfriend and she's awesome and we did it. And the woman's like, boy, you want to see the claws come out. Oh yeah, I've heard the stories. Men, um, yeah, I've heard from a lot of men like the worst case The thing that a lot of men are really bothered by is like, I can't imagine this kid doing like fatherly things with this other man. Like the kid, like let's say it's a little kid, the guy reading bedtime stories, the guy playing catch with them, guy, I don't know, feeding them lunch, taking them to Chuck E. Cheese, or do we even have Chuck E. Cheese anymore? You know what I mean, taking them someplace that very dad-like thing to do. Um, let me try to, um, put you at ease a little bit here, Mr. David. You're normal for having those feelings. You're not a weakling. You're not insecure, all that other stuff. So I'll just put that to bed. It's normal. But it sounds clichéd, but it's true. You're dad, dude, and there's only one. But as an almost 50-year-old man, I can tell you this, what I've come to realize over the years You can't do everything, dude. Let's put it like this. Um, have you ever heard the phrase of it takes a village to raise a child? It's true. Um, and that was more so— we saw that more obviously, more blatant in the past when we were much more community focused. Many of us now are like, I live over here, my parents are on the other side of the country, and you know, but it used to be back in the olden days, it's like you live in this neighborhood and there's Uncle So-and-so and there's Aunt So-and-so and there's Grandma, there's Grandpa, everybody like was within blocks of each other. And so we all just kind of understood without maybe even verbalizing it that we all have to kind of stick close together to help each other out. And a big part of that is to help out, help raise these kiddos, because we got rugrats all over the place and we've got Uncle So-and-so looking out for them and Grandma blah blah, and they're staying over the night at the other, this other aunt's house and If it helps to soften the blow of what you're going through, maybe you can look at the old affair partner— sorry to say this, oof— as kind of part of that community. By virtue of the divorce and everything else, you can't be around that kid 24/7, so you need backup to help keep an eye on them. And if affair partner is a— other than being an affair partner— is a good dude, he's not violent, he's not this, he's not that, he'll look out for them, he'll keep their best interests in mind, he'll be there, make sure they don't stumble and fall physically or metaphorically, um, then cool, you got an extra set of hands to help out. That's one way looking at it. Um, I remember, uh, trying to think if there were moments that really stung to me, because remember, I went through this like 13 years ago. My kids were little then. Um, my oldest is 22 years of age now. And I remember my middle son telling me that mom's boyfriend, uh, taught him how to pump gas in a car, something that apparently I never got around to doing. I was like, that's my freaking job, goddamn it. You know, that's a dad job, showing how to pump gas in the car. Then I'm like, dude, you had plenty of times to do it, you didn't do it. This guy saw the opportunity, taught my son how to pump gas in the car. Just cool, it's not the end of the world, it's not a big deal. He's not dead, I'm dead. It's Uncle so-and-so, if you want to think of him that way. Uncle so-and-so showed me how to pump gas. Cool, one less thing for me to do. You know, that's, that's awesome. Yeah, good job, little man. He's like, I don't know, 9, 10 years old or something like that at the time. That's how you gotta look at this. Maybe that helps soften the blow a little bit, but, but totally understandable that you would be a little miffed by that. Let me, uh, I'm just going through some, uh, pardon the silence here, going through some comments here, making sure I'm not missing something. Uh, David, follow-up, was that the— yeah, from the previous comment on YouTube. It was really ugly divorce, cheating, gaslighting, etc. Same. Uh, healing from that was bad enough. I hear you. Now having to hear my kids speak this guy's name all the time is a lot to handle. I guess I should have written ex-wife in my first comment. Yeah, um, so, uh, yeah, it's just— there's no two ways about it, dude. Going through something like that, being betrayed, being, you know, tricked, um, having your life pulled out from, you know, the rug pulled out from underneath you and all that other good stuff, compounded with I'm hanging out with mommy's new friend and blah, and you're like understandable, dude. Just if your kid's safe, cool. Nothing will replace dad, and I understand. It seems like it's still, um, relatively new what you're going through. I have the luxury of talking about this, you know, a decade plus later, so I have some wisdom with that. There's some value in a guy who's kind of disconnected from all that but has been there and done that. Um, but David CR— and CR's already joined us— but David, we would love to have you in the Brotherhood group. See the little, uh, link there. I'll put it in the comments as well. There you go. HelpForMen.com/join. We would love to have you check it out. Or I'll tell you what, I don't share this one enough. This one's been getting more and more attention here. We've been really signing up a lot of, a lot of members here lately. It's been going really well. Um, We got a free month. You can sign up. Um, it does ask you up front for like your card info, like payment info, but it doesn't charge you for that first month. So if during that first month you're like, I don't think I want to continue on with this, then you just cancel and you're done. Don't worry about it. Um, if you want to continue on, then you don't do anything and it will automatically charge you on month number 2. And month number 3 until you cancel. So that's how that free month works. I just want to be completely upfront and not hide anything. So some people go to the free month and go, hey, what's it doing asking me for my card info? Because if you stick around past the month, yes, we will charge you. So just so you know, I'm being very upfront and honest about that. That may not be the best business guy thing of me to do, a salesy guy thing to do, but I can say all that because the vast, vast, vast majority of guys who sign up for the free month stick around. And then those guys that pay month to month, what they typically do after a few months is sign up for either the annual or the lifetime plan. In fact, almost— I just ran the numbers here recently— almost 70% of our membership are lifetime members. They paid a big chunk up front and said, I don't want to do payments, but I want to stick around. Here you go. Cool. We love it. So it says a lot about our group. We're very proud of what we do. The Brotherhood, helpformen.com/join. Check it out. All right, anything else I've missed here, folks? You know, something I posted about here recently today, actually, that's pretty recent, um, that I don't talk about enough. Um, and Patrick, I apologize, I missed your, uh, comment. I'll come back to you here shortly. Um, something I don't talk about enough is a trend that I see, which it's not unique to me. I didn't discover this on my own. Other people have seen it as well in the male help relationship talk space. Which is, um, populated by, as far as people that consume that material, by men who have had a lot of relationship trauma, troubles, problems. So relationships don't come easy, and the ones they had kind of failed miserably, and now they're on the internet commiserating and pain shopping and looking for stories of cheating and all this other kind of stuff, and they find my material. So amongst those guys there is a disproportionately large number of men in that community that are what we call neurodivergent. Neurodivergence or neurodiversity, same thing, um, encompasses things such as ADHD, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or OCD. ADHD means attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or obsessive-compulsive disorder, or OCD. Dyslexia falls into the category of neurodivergent. And also the one that most people think of right away is the autism spectrum, which is such a wide spectrum to the point where we're like, does everybody fall under the spectrum? Because we have some people that exhibit autistic traits, but it's almost like you would never know. They're just maybe a little— something's a little quirky about Joe, but otherwise super intelligent, funny, cool dude. But when you learn about some things about his personal life or some of his habits that he has, you're like, Joe's a little— something a little different about Joe. And you're like, oh, he's on the autism spectrum. All the way to the opposite end of the spectrum, which are people that are non-verbal that need 24/7 care, that have to be institutionalized. And so it's all over the place. But we have a disproportionately large number of men that are neurodivergent in my world, and it explains a lot. As far as relationship problems, as far as guys are like, I have an inability to date after divorce, about guys that are like, um, I tend to attract to me women that are very much— that have personality disorders like borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, and so forth. You know, you hear all these stories and you can jump to the conclusion of, wow, it seems like all women have borderline. It's like, no, relatively small percentage do. Well, then how come we hear it all the time everywhere? Well, because who are we talking to? Men with relationship problems. And then within that group, oh wow, a whole bunch of them have autistic or have ADHD. And some traits amongst all the people that fall under the neurodivergent umbrella that I hear again and again are: number 1, um, fall in love very, very quickly. Meet a gal, go on a couple of dates, okay, I'm already envisioning marrying her, I'm already envisioning these giving her all my money and having 20 kids with her. And they're like, they're ready to go like that. And then these men may see, uh, red flag after red flag after red flag. And sometimes, in these guys' defense, they're relatively naive about the whole thing. They're like, is this normal or not? I, I guess it's normal. Everyone's telling me it's normal. Everything I'm reading says it's normal. This, this woman still loves me, so I guess I'll just overlook this stuff. It's normal, right? They don't know any better. Um, all the way to guys that are like, my, my feeling of self-worth is so low that I, I, it takes a lot for me to find a woman and date her and have her stick around for a while, so I can't let her go, so I will ignore everything. And then the relationship blows up, and what a lot of these guys experience is that heartache is super tough on your neurodivergent guy. They take the breakup way, way tougher than the average dude, to the point where it's kind of concerning to everyone around them. These guys often hear like, dude, it's been 3 years, you're still over this? Or man, she, you know, she cheated on you, like, it happens every now and then, dude, just move on to the next one. But then sometimes these guys get to the point where, um, very unhealthy levels of sadness and depression and inability to cope And I think it, uh, if any of that sounds familiar to a lot of you guys, you may want to— it can't hurt to get an assessment. If there's, you know, go online. I'm not going to go into this, you know, in detail about autism spectrum, ADHD, but Google some things, some signs of ADHD in adulthood. That's one place to start. And you may come away, if you're like a lot of guys I talk to, you may come away with, whoa, that sounds really, really familiar, all the way to some guys are like, yeah, it makes sense, my wife has always told me she thinks I have ADHD. I never got looked into it. It may be something to look into, and, um, you may come away with some real aha moments, and then you may pursue help in that vein of ADHD or whatever it may be. That may be the missing piece of the puzzle that really helps turn things around for you. So it's worth, it's worth, you know, investigating further is what I'm trying to say. So that being said, just want to get that out of the way. Um, I don't know if you guys want to comment that you have, you know, not— it's your business, you don't have to share with the rest of us, but maybe, um, if you're willing to share, like, you've been down this road, you've been diagnosed, something that you've come to terms with, something you realized about yourself. Uh, one thing that I hear often that is an indicator is when I hear guy after guy tell me, um, I have a child that's on the autism spectrum. Um, anybody who, uh, is an expert in that— I'm not, just a layperson here, but anybody that's an expert, a clinician in the autism world or neurodivergence in general, when they hear that from a parent— my kid has autism— they will then smile and say, so between you and the wife, which one or both have also have autism? And often the parents will be like, neither of us, we don't. And then one of the parents will look at the other one and go, well, actually Joe, that's something I've told you for a while. You— there's something a little different and quirky about you. I've often thought that. So, um, that's usually a pretty— there is a major genetic component at play is what I'm trying to say. So if you have it, you probably— mom or dad did, and on and on. Um, well, how interesting is this? Mr. Patrick, do you have any advice for men struggling to maintain romantic relationships after divorce? I've been in a cycle of falling hard And then finding issues and blowing things up, divorced for 3 years now. Uh, well, you know, Patrick, there's, um, all kinds of questions come to mind. Like, what exactly blows up these relationships? Is it you and your insecurity in the relationship? Do you see like a little something off and you're like, I'm out, you know, eff you, woman, and maybe a little too hasty in that? Or is it genuinely like, no dude, these, these women got issues and I keep connecting with women that have issues and I recognize I didn't know that about myself. Maybe this is a learning process for you, rediscovering yourself and what's going on with you. And maybe it behooves you to take a timeout from relationships altogether and just say, let's figure some shit out about Patrick first and what's going on with me. I don't know, a lot of questions, dude. A lot of things to ponder there that could affect all of this. Check out the group.

See the little—

let me see if I can point to this. See this right here? This will link them. helpformen.com/join. Check that out. We would love to have you join the group, brother, and talk all about this. Oh, so, uh, your affair partner went to— oh dude, I'm sorry, David. Okay, well, the, the picture that I painted earlier of the affair partner and your kid, uh, hanging out with them and all as well. That's like the best case scenario. You just painted what is a not so nice case scenario here. You say that the affair partner went to jail for assaulting his dad. The affair partner is an alcoholic and has no car, yet drives my ex's car really fast like a race car driver. Okay, now that's where you step in and say, that's no bueno. Um, my kid's in danger and we need to nip this in the bud like now. And if you have to get involved with the law, attorneys, or however that works, then, then do so. Um, that kiddo needs a stable force in their life, and jumping into a car and driving too fast like a race car driver with an alcoholic is not good. So I would say, David, let's get in front of that fast, um, or ahead of that rather. Uh, I took a Time out to figure things out, says Patrick. I will check it out, thank you. Oh, very good. The group— all women are batshit crazy, some just hide it better than others. Well, Jeff, let's qualify that further, my friend. That's something I hear often from guys. Number one, what is crazy? Um, some men have a very low tolerance for emotionality and anything that veers from our very robotic man-like rationality. And, you know, X, X and Y, and ones and zeros. We're kind of like Vulcans like that, especially our neurodivergent guys, Jeff. Um, but, uh, also at the same time, guy, uh, Jeff, and, uh, by the way, I, I can relate to your perspective on this. I had it the same years ago. Um, here, here's to personalize this, to make it about me. Um, my relationship timeline looked like this. Um, broken girlfriend, broken girlfriend, broken girlfriend. Oh, this one seems relatively normal. It's like she's one of the dudes. I'll go ahead and marry her. I love her a lot. She's like my best friend in the whole world. Oh shit, she's broken just like the rest, but I will keep at it and maintain. And oh shit, everything blew up at me. There's the affair and there's divorce, and oh my gosh, let me quickly put myself back on the dating market to make myself feel better. Broken woman, broken woman, broken woman. What's the common factor in all that? There's two, to be honest, isn't there? One common factor is what you pointed out, Jeff. They were all female. But the second most common factor in all of that was Ralphie boy, me. Um, dude, there's something about me— was, hopefully, knock on— I don't know if you hear that— knock on wood. Um, there was something about me back then when I was on the market, dude, if you will, um, that was attracted to and attracted some, to use your terminology, batshit crazy women. And that was the tough thing for me to go, dude, timeout. What am I doing here? What's going on? And, and with a lot of introspection and a lot of reflection on all my life experiences. Oh yeah, there was something about me that put the big neon buzzing sign, big arrow pointing at my bald head, you know, imagine it above me saying, um, hey crazy women, over here, this is a good one. And I did it again and again and again, and I had to take ownership of that and say, yeah, they're crazy and they— I don't want anything to do with them, but I sure as hell do things to attract them, don't I? And I do things to keep them around. So something to ponder there, guys. I need to call it quits here soon. I got to, uh, run. But any other last minute questions before we wrap it up? I do appreciate y'all joining me today. Anything at all, please do not be shy. Anything? Anything? Once? Twice? No? All right. Ladies and germs, it's been a pleasure. Thank you all so much for joining me. Appreciate all you guys, gals— no gals today though, right? No, I don't think we had any women that commented. Um, before I leave, would you be so kind as to click on the little like, thumbs up, share, say however the hell it works wherever you're at, man? I would really appreciate that. That helps me out a lot. Um, we're really— we've been really clicking the last few months. We've been getting more memberships, book sales are going up, everything is just— let's keep it up, guys. I can use all the help I get. Help spread the word, help out as many dudes as can. We got a lot of dudes out there hurting. Check out the Brotherhood if you're a guy. Um, I put the link in the comments there, help4men.com/join, or you can even try it out for a month, help4men.com/free-month. I put it in the comments there, check it out. But we would love to have you. But give me a like wherever you're at— Facebook, YouTube, um, I think X, you can like this. I would appreciate it. All right, guys. That's it for me. Thank you all so very much, and we'll catch you on the next one, which I'm not sure when that will be, but I'll let you know as soon as I can. Toodaloo!