Extroverts have higher dating success because they combine outgoingness with low anxiety, a trait researchers call "riz." The speaker cites decades of research showing this correlation, then offers shy people a path forward: practice approaching strangers, ask questions, help others, and build the social skills that reduce anxiety.
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When it comes to the mating game, trying to get and lock down a partner to have intimate relationships with, whether that's short-term or long-term, there's one thing that rings true. And this actually pertains to all forms of relationships, whether it's platonic or romantic or professional, whatever it may be. And that is extroverts have it easy. Extroversion is one of the Big Five personality traits. If you want to learn the personality traits, one acronym to use is OCEAN. O-C-E-A-N. Openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. And of those, we know that extroversion seems to be the one personality trait that correlates to sexual success, if you will. We all know the anomaly of the guy who is objectively not very good-looking, maybe he's short, maybe he's overweight, but he has that certain something that the opposite sex finds attractive. And he never seems to be without a mate. So what is that? Young people these days call it "riz," which I have learned is short for charisma, outgoingness, friendliness. What also seems to correspond with this outgoing charisma thing is low anxiety, or if we stick to the personality trait thing, low in neuroticism. They don't have a lot of negative thoughts spinning in their head. They don't have a lot of anxiety and stress and depression and everything else there. They don't have a lot of social anxiety as far as going out and meeting people. They are the type of guy that when they enter a room, they don't meet a stranger. They're the guy that does the back slapping. Hey Bob, how you doing? Handshakes, hugs, kisses all around. He's that guy. So, if you are back on the market post-divorce, or maybe you've never really had luck in the relationship game, the number one thing I would say to you is work on your social skills. If you're an anxious or quote-unquote shy guy, work on that. Get out there. Get to know people. Today, go out and meet 5 people. Just say, "Hey, how you doing?" Ask the guy about his car. Ask the dude about his motorcycle. Help the old lady with her groceries. These are all things to help you get over the hump of social anxiety and work on your charisma or your rizz. And you can in turn become a more extroverted guy and a less anxious dude when it comes to social interaction. And as the data shows us, and I will put a link in the description with this video, if we had to find a personality trait that corresponds to sexual success, we have data over decades of study that seems to show that extroversion is it.
