Female Sexuality is... Narcissistic?!

Uh, we— okay, so America, um, I'm going by your little profile picture, of which I see legs that appear to be of a female variety. I'm trying not to be creepy here, but, uh, by your first name, I can't determine your gender here. But she, she, I assume, says, we aren't as sexually motivated by appearance within a marriage. Sexual appeal often comes from how attractive a man makes us feel. Oh, America, thank you for bringing this up. This is a very good line of thinking and, uh, a controversial one. Um, yes, appearance has value. Uh, you do care about yourself, she says, but if we're already in love and we had that initial attraction, new abs don't work. Making us feel sexy, wanted, loved, and appreciated and safe is more effective. Very good, America. Uh, thank you for that. Appreciate it. You know what you are very succinctly encapsulating here? There is a gal, a psychotherapist, way more popular than me and my friend Dr. Psych Mom. This woman has sold mazillions of copies of books. You have seen her on YouTube, you have seen her on every social media channel, and her name is Esther Perel. E-S-T-H-E-R P-E-R-E-L. Very well-spoken, popular gal. Where is she from originally? Is she from France? With a name like Esther, you would think so. Good-looking gal too. I've mentioned on here a few times, Esther's got it going on. I think she's 60-some years of age, if I remember right. Um, very good stuff. Read her books. Uh, Mating in Captivity is a good one. Uh, State of Affairs is another good one. Her material is great, right? Check her out. She said something that made a lot of women go hold on a second, wait, what? And, um, you are kind of, whether you know it or not, kind of summarizing it. And it is that the, um, oh, how best to put this, sexual desire within women is narcissistic in nature. Um, how you make me feel determines how I in turn feel about you. Um, men tend to be much more Oh, I don't know how else to say this. It sounds like I'm propping this up as holier-than-thou, and it's not my intention. I'm just at a loss for words here. We tend to be the romantics in things. Rolling, you know, we're the guys who— I'm trying to think of old-timey situations. The woman, you know, goes up to the mud puddle. What's the man do? He takes off his coat and puts it down for her so she can cross, and we don't want her to soil her feet. Like, can that kind of over-the-top overtures and so forth, which points to, uh, I'm very sacrificial in my love. I'm willing to do a lot for you. I'm willing to pay for a lot, do a lot, say a lot, whatever it is to get your attention and for you to be my mate. Then we can subsequently make some babies together. That's the whole point of all this, right? From a very biological point of view. Well, women, um, your frame of reference is different. Oh, he makes me feel so good about— he made me feel like a princess. He was very concerned about me in the bedroom, orgasms, and I want to feel good. Well, men on the other hand, in a lot of— not all— a lot of men when doing the act will be more concerned with, was it good for you? That's a very stereotypical line, isn't it, for men? Turns to the woman, was it good for you? How many orgasms did you have? Women tend not to say those kind of things. They're more along the lines of He didn't— I didn't have any orgasms. You see where I'm going with that. So it's kind of interesting. Um, and you're also— another controversial take, America, within your excellent comment here is, uh, the game plan changes, men, once we're married. Once we're married and committed and we have give you the stamp of approval of husband dude, the game changes for you as far as how to retain me and how to have a healthy sex life. Before, when we were in the mating game, when we were doing the dance of determining whether or not we were good for each other and whether or not I approve of you as my mailmate, then yeah, looks and all this other shallow stuff is more important. It's higher up on the totem pole of importance here as far as what I as a lady— I'm putting words in your mouth— find important. Now, now that I got you, not so much. And I don't want to minimize how kind of hurtful that is in some ways to some men. How is that hurtful? I will illustrate it with this. A man walks in on his wife, what, with her female friends. This is not unheard of, by the way. Women, when they, um, get together with other ladies, tend to be much more comfortable and open about their sexuality and putting it out there and being a little bit more crass and social about it. And, um, an example is they're all crowded around a laptop watching some TikTok video, or around a phone rather, looking at a TikTok video of some hunky guy. There was a guy who— I don't know if he's still around, I assume he is— his whole thing was, look how hunky and masculine I am. I think he was shirtless, maybe not, uh, chopping wood. Young hunky dude just chopping wood. That's all he was. Dude was really built. Filled out a t-shirt, and women went crazy over this guy, just drooling over him. And women would, uh, what do they call it, stitch the video where you just see the woman's reaction and she's just like, just slobbering and drooling over this guy. And men are like, woman, you just got done telling me yesterday, dude, don't go to the gym, us women don't care about looks. I did like a little funny video about this scenario because it's so real. A lot of— so many men have heard this. And the woman goes, that's, that's not for husbands. That's not for fathers of our children. That's different. In the men's mind, he's like, what? Because we want to believe that we're still at that level of hunky dude I would drool over if given the chance. Oh crap, look at him. And a lot of us, we're not in that running anymore. And what a lot of men have determined is it takes a little bit of extra, extra, extra to get a hint of that. And that's where your pickup artists and so forth come in. And that's where a lot of women go, that's very manipulative. Well, we, we do what we can to get a rise out of our women in whatever situation. It's very important to us what you think of us and whether or not you reward us with some hoo-ha.