A man breaks down why relationships fail: both partners bring unhealed trauma, addiction, and generational dysfunction into the mix, creating chaos neither can escape alone. He shares his own history of abuse and betrayal to show how personal damage gets passed down. His point: therapy, sobriety, and self-work first, or the cycle continues.
Chapters
DSO, top 3 patterns that you see in unhealthy relationships. Well, you put me on the spot to try and have top 3. Um, how about I just instead give you like a, um, an overall theme, I guess, that I see in unhealthy relationships? Um, an overall theme that I see again and again from men that talk to me is 'Here, listen to all this terribleness that I'm enduring in my relationship. I suck, and here's how I suck. She really sucks, and here's how she really sucks.' And then you back it up and you say, uh, 'All right, let's just pause all that,' because, you know, for a lot of these guys, if I let them go, they just go for like an hour and they spend their money just basically unleashing on, on me, this stranger that they met on the internet. And, um, When we say timeout, you know, we— there's no sense in going on and on. You sold me on the fact that this is dysfunctional and she's got problems. Where's this shit come from, dude? Let's figure that out. Maybe that will help us kind of resolve things or help resolve things. And, and, uh, tell me about your childhood. Tell me about her childhood. And it's just— it starts child— in childhood, and it continues on through young adulthood and through their life. It's just chaos. It's just a dumpster fire shit show over and over again of just life shitting on them, them creating their own chaos. It's just this whirlwind of terribleness. And you just listen to these stories and you're just like, what are you— and they're just trying to shoehorn within that a relationship. You know, when you try to shoehorn a relationship in this tornado of dog shit and then you're sitting there going, man, wonder why it smells so bad here? Because you're in a tornado of dog shit. You're trying to create something out of the building blocks are literal shit. This isn't going to work, you know. And it— and some of this is at zero fault of either person. You know, my parents beat the shit out of me. I was sexually molested. You know, I had— as a teenager, I had a drug problem, ended up selling my body on the street. I cleaned up, but then I have all these problems. And I cheated on two people. And my— I've been cheated on every partner I've ever had. But then I found my one true love and we got together. And oh, by the way, she comes from a very awful, dysfunctional relationship. Shitstorm of chaos. That's what I see again and again. That's the general theme. And the foundation for a lot of dysfunction that I see out there is that there's foundationally, there's a lot of dysfunction. And so now you go down the road of, well, are you saying that everyone that comes from a shit past should just not try the whole relationship game? No. But somebody, it's usually a generational thing. Mom, dad usually came from a shit past, grandma, grandpa, and so on and so forth. And when you look at all these generations, generations of shitty pasts. No one in that string of shitty pasts raises their hand and says, timeout, do we have to do the shitty thing? Can we just pause and work on ourselves and try and figure this shit out? Maybe go talk to somebody, therapy, maybe put the alcohol down. Alcohol is a big freaking issue. Um, maybe you should pause the relationship thing for a while and try to figure stuff out. Maybe I should work on myself mentally and physically. Maybe I should start, you know, putting together a proper prescription for a healthy daily life. No one does that. Everyone's just like, gotta get married, have kids. It's like, uh, and they just propagate and continue this dysfunctional train. So that's the general theme that I see, is people are just riding this dysfunctional train mindlessly and just pulling other people into their dysfunctional world. And those people tend to also bring their own dysfunction. So now we have compounded dysfunction, and it's just A giant freaking shit show.
