Hypergamy

All right, let's talk about a really popular internet buzzword, at least in the world of men talking about relationship-oriented stuff, women in particular. And that word is hypergamy. What the heck is it? Well, technically, and we're just dealing with facts here, right? We're dudes. We don't deal with all that silly emotion and everything else, right? Well, technically what hypergamy is, is the observation that over generations, probably like the last, oh, I don't know, 3,000 years or so, back when this term first emerged, we noticed that people, specifically, let's be honest, the women in our lives, tend to marry or partner up on the, I guess you could call it, the social hierarchy. For example, A woman is typically going to look for someone who is better educated, wealthier, more socially established, has a higher status than her. That's what we have seen, like I say, over many generations of couples. Men often point out that for generations, this hasn't been the case necessarily with men. We don't tend to look at things such as, well, what kind of money does she make? What kind of— does she come from royalty? Does she, you know, all these other things. What kind of car does she drive? What kind of career does she have? We look at mainly, is she good looking? And is she nice? Is she gonna make a good mom? Is she gonna make a good wife? We men erroneously think that makes us more, I guess, altruistic or wholesome as compared to the women in our lives, that they are more what do we call it, gold digger types. They're just interested in the shallow stuff, the status thing, the money thing, while we're interested in the, what actually is, you know, what's the woman really all about as a human being. And therefore, that concept really hurts men. So, fast forward to today, the internet. Men are talking, men are comparing notes. A lot of really hurt men, as I've mentioned in other videos, people that are really, really hurt and angry and have been hurt by the opposite sex. They're the ones that get on the internet and, you know, make blog posts and comment on videos, et cetera, et cetera, or make their own videos. A big pain point for a lot of men is, I've been dumped and I'm trying to find reasons why this woman that I love more than anything hurt me so badly. And what a lot of men point to is that generations-old concept of hypergamy. So sticking to the true definition of the term hypergamy. These women went up in the social, economic, whatever hierarchy. Are all these men complaining that they weren't wealthy enough? They didn't have high enough status on the social hierarchy for these women, and so these women traded up? No. What we're seeing is a lot of men applying the term hypergamy where it just flat out does not belong. I have seen men saying, I've I bought my wife everything. I was the sweetest guy in the world to her. I gave her 3 children, etc., etc. And she left me for this drug addict guy. She left me for this unemployed guy who sleeps in his parents' basement on a mattress on the floor. And damn you, hypergamy. It's like, guys, that doesn't make any sense. What are you talking about? Well, if you talk to the guys, what they have done is they've taken the term hypergamy and they have defined it as When your woman has any reason to move from you to new guy, that is evidence of her hypergamous nature as a woman. She is trading up for something else. And that something else could be the monetary thing, sure. But often in today's day and age, it's not the case. It could be better looks. It could be what a lot of men fear, which is he is better sexually. Maybe he's better endowed. That's the big thing that a lot of very insecure men are worried about. Like, or he's just better in bed, or he's more masculine in nature overall. He's more assertive, he's more confident, he— whatever, fill in the blank. Anything that makes a very anxious, insecure dude even more anxious and more insecure. Guys will most of the time create that in their mind, and then they will label all of that as hypergamy. Guys, I I understand where you're coming from. You're hurt. You're looking for a reason or explanation as to why this person you love more than anything hurt you so badly. And you're going to the internet for answers. And there's a lot of men out there that will say, I'll tell you what's going on here. It's this little biological programming thing called hypergamy. And don't worry about it, dude, it ain't you. I'm not going to throw a lot of blame at you and say, dude, you suck, that's why they left you. Although for some of you, that could in part be why they left you. You know, you're not infallible, dude. You could be a shitty partner. Maybe it was one of many that you need to go through until you find your footing in the relationship world. Maybe you're not very good at it yet. Maybe you're a young dude. It's okay, guys. People get dumped. People of 15, 20-year relationships get dumped. Oftentimes in these guys that have these 15, 20-year relationships with women, have 3 kids, etc., and then the woman, next thing you know, is getting tattoos, nose rings, purple hair, and screwing half the town. Um, it's It's not hypergamy, guys. It's your wife is nuts. Sorry. Well, this just came on all of a sudden, Ralph. It's as soon as she lost 50 pounds, this is what happened. Dude, timeout. Let me guess. Your wife comes from chaos. She has a chaotic background. She has a horrible childhood. Dad cheated on mom, mom cheated on dad. Somebody's doing prison time right now in her family, whatever it may be, right? People like that don't tend to hang on to that sedate, boring level of normalcy for very long. Eventually it has to blow up. And they hurt a lot of people in the process. Men and women alike do this. Shitty people do shitty things to people. Hell, even really good people do shitty things. People aren't perfect. People hurt people that they love every single day. People succumb to urges. People succumb to compulsions. People make horrible financial decisions. People make horrible decisions sexually. People make horrible decisions day in and day out because they're broken, fallible individuals. From what I've gathered over the years, it's a relatively small portion of individuals, and I'm not talking like 1% or something like that. It's just not as common as we think to have an individual, an adult who has all the tools in their mental tool toolbox to be able to navigate a long-term monogamous relationship for many decades in a row and keep that relationship sexy, fun, close, intimate, romantic. That is really, really tough and relatively rare. And that, I think, is very difficult for people to come to terms with because it kind of throws the concept of marriage as they know it completely under the bus, especially your more anxious guys who don't have a lot of experience in relationships, or relationships with women to be more specific. And those men tend to what we call pedestalize women in their life. These women are better than all these men that have bullied me my whole life. These women are more wholesome. These women are more empathetic. These women are softer and kinder. Guys, they're humans. They're capable of some shitty stuff. And by virtue of the fact that you are Mr. Anxious, Mr. Insecure, Mr. Not So Much Relationship Experience, ironically, you're going to attract a lot of those really broken types of people into your life. And yes, that applies to the romantic relationships with women. You're more apt to get hurt and cheated on than the average dude. Funny how that works. And ironically, what we're seeing here with this applying terms where they don't belong, hypergamy and all this other stuff and trying like hell to basically, let's be honest, kind of demonize the opposite sex. And I mean, we can't possibly hurt the opposite sex any more than saying, "Hey, it's in her nature. She can't help it. She's a woman." And ironically, what we're doing here is we're basically continuing, if you will, the pedestalization of the women, aren't we? Oh my gosh, she hurt me. She's obviously not a normal human like every other dude that's ever been in my life who has also hurt me. No, no, this is a special kind of hurt. This is a special kind of evil. This is unique to her because she's a woman. This is, drum roll, hypergamy. No, she's just a broken human. The hypergamy thing, guys, again, that's just the observation that women throughout history have kind of tended to, not always, but tended to marry up on the economic and social hierarchy. Which, by the way, that's changing. Women are rising in the ranks economically. I talk to a lot of men who their wives make more money than them. So when that avoidant wife runs off with the pool boy, the guy's just scrambling for reasons why. Like, this doesn't make any sense. She's— he's broke. He's this, he's that. He's not that attractive. I don't know what's going on here. Hypergamy. You're grasping at straws because if you peel back the layers of the onion just a little bit, doesn't take much, you're going to realize, "Oh yeah, wife was just a broken little girl. I knew that when I got with her. I knew that when I dated her. I knew that throughout the whole courting process. I knew that when I married her and had 3 kids with her. Of course she did what she did." It's not hypergamy, guys. It's broken dude meets broken woman. Broken is the result. Tale as old as time.