In this informal YouTube conversation, host Speaker A and psychologist Dr. Psych Mom examine the popular claim that women are attracted to "jerks." Dr. Psych Mom immediately rejects the notion as a harmful stereotype, noting that women who gravitate toward abusive partners often have histories of childhood trauma and low self‑esteem, not a universal preference for bad behavior. Speaker A reflects on a pattern he observes among men: the "pedestalization" of women as flawless, which leads to a backlash when a woman appears to choose a toxic partner, prompting men to label all women as seeking abusive men. The dialogue also touches on the prevalence of black‑and‑white thinking in online comment sections and how such polarized attitudes undermine genuine mental‑health discourse. Finally, Dr. Psych Mom mentions a low‑cost paid support group she runs, suggesting that curated, moderated spaces can help filter out the noise and provide healthier discussion.
Chapters
The mantra of the frustrated man in the dating world. Only women like jerks.
Oh, sickening. That is so wrong.
And you listen to them, you go, give me an example. And they tell me an example and I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like, I'm waiting for the asshole behavior. I'm not hearing it yet. What are you talking about? Because this guy, like, took— like, she was complaining because the guy took a full 2 days to answer her back after they had a date. I was like, well, maybe the guy's away on a business trip. Maybe he's busy. Maybe he'll eventually get around to it.
Maybe. Right, yep, exactly. That's the ones that they— but however, there are some guys that say, oh yeah, like, I know this girl that her ex-boyfriend used to, like, you know, beat the shit out of her and she would go back to him. And I'm like, that's an unhealthy person. That is— it was— she probably was abused as a child, poor thing, you know. That is not a normal reaction. If it's an abusive man and the woman is drawn to him, that's not who you're going to want to be the mother of your children, right? That's somebody struggling mightily with self-esteem and with a probably a history of childhood abuse herself. The, an average healthy woman does not want a jerk at all. At all.
And so what you're pointing to though is what I have seen from a lot of men, the pedestalization as we call it, of, of the, of the female human. It's, they're all obviously beyond perfect, especially compared to us Neanderthal men. So when I see a woman do something that is innately unhealthy or toxic or whatever, she's attracted to a guy who's a raging asshole or whatever it may be, in that man's mind, that is such an anomaly. That is such a, oh, holy shit, I can't believe this woman actually has this kind of level of dysfunction, that for some reason these men paint all women with that paintbrush. Well, there we go. Damn it, I was wrong. The women aren't saints after all. They're all just going after abusive shithead humans. It's a very weird little phenomenon that I see quite often.
Black and white thinking everywhere, all especially all over the comment sections. Anybody who thinks enough about these things, you know, to be mean in a comment section is not really, you know, who you would put up as a paragon of mental health.
So a paragon of mental health, I'm going to use that one.
That's good. That's why I use the secret group, like have a paid group, even $4.99 a month, man, really—
That eliminates quite a bit, doesn't it? Yeah. Mm-hmm.
