"It Hurts Because it Means She's Not Really Attracted to Me!"

Bo from Facebook, he says it's, um, it's being told that we're unattractive. Uh, this is— oh, Bo, you were talking about the whole concept of a woman telling you, um, you are not one-night stand material, you're not friend with benefit material, you are more, um, marriage, long-term relationship material, and how that's offensive. So Bo is replying to that, and Bo's take— Bo from Facebook says it's being told that we're unattractive. It also hints at being exploited. You wouldn't have sex with me except under the condition that I am a provider and I give you security. It is a hint that you will lose libido and stop being sexual with us once you get the security. It is really offensive. I think Beau just encapsulated— Beau, you took what I think was like a 12-15 minute video or something like that, and you just encapsulated it all into one paragraph here. Very good. That's basically The fear/anxiety that men have in relationships, I would say arguably now more than ever, men are, I guess you could say, experiencing this or thinking this way. Why? Because we have the internet, because we have a lot of pissed off men, a lot of hurt men, a lot of traumatized men getting online and talking to each other, and they're sharing stories. And they're comparing notes. And unfortunately, the most vocal, the most active individual on the internet, man or woman, it doesn't have to be in this relationship talk sphere, whatever it is, the most vocal are definitely those that are hurt. You're not going to get online and just go, I just want to tell you how happy I am. That's rare. So we hear, let me tell you how much I've been screwed. So if you're a dude, and let's say you're a single guy and you got a gal who you're like, I don't know, she may be the one, I think I may pop the question to this one, we've been together for a couple of years, yada yada, whatever, maybe. And then you get online and you start reading stories from Bob from Nebraska says, everything was great in my relationship, and then we had kids and my wife turned into a psychopath and she divorced me and she took me for everything, and now I'm living on the streets. And then you hear that some semblance of that story, you read it 12 times in one day from 12 different people, and you're like, what is going on here? It's not necessarily the biggest, best sample size or representation of the population in general, in general. But it shows that there's some kind of trend, at least with people. That's the extreme example. That is not like— not the case for the majority of people, you know, getting robbed and you're on the street. That's extreme example. But we do hear from a lot of guys, you know, discover infidelity, myself included with my first marriage. What else? You know, wife goes through major changes. We hear a lot of men there, you know, wife was menopausal and she's going through some midlife crisis and acting crazy and left her family and drove away, never to see her again. We hear those kind of stories and everything in between. And men are not immune from this kind of crazy human behavior. But this is men we're talking about comparing notes. You know, men don't get on there to talk about, listen to what my friend Dave did. Men get on there to say, let me tell you about my crazy ex-wife, or going to be ex-wife. So anyway, so I think now more than ever, men are more, um, sensitive to these stories of, I have discovered that I am not my wife's dream lover. I've discovered that my wife simply got with me because of reasons that do not include my proclivities in the bedroom, reasons that do not include her physical attraction to me. Some men say, my wife— I saw a diary entry, or I overheard my wife talking. Or some men, a lot of anxious men, are very, um, snoopy, I guess you could say, kind of sneaky. And they, they like to snoop and read messages on their wife's phone because they feel very insecure about the relationship and they're looking for evidence of wrongdoing. And you go hunting for stuff, you're going to find something, I tell a lot of guys. So they'll get on their phone or her computer and look up stuff, and they will find messages between her and a friend or something where the wife will admit, like, I don't have any feelings in that way for my hubby, and I never have. Or I miss some lover from the past or something like that, or some ex-boyfriend who dumped her or whatever. And he's like, oof, this sucks. That's a lot, right? That situation right there is a lot of guys' worst nightmare. Why? Because he's invested so much time, emotion, energy, and yes, money, resources, and so forth. For the person that he is. And a lot of these men, a lot of these anxious men, in their mind has put her up on a pedestal, so to speak, the old proverbial pedestal. She's better than all the other losers out there, men or women alike. This one is it. She's the one. That's my wife. And then, you know, that's my wife. That's my partner for life. And then to discover she was capable of some pretty nasty stuff, and she never thought of me anywhere near the same level. And in fact, she's had disdain for me. And in fact this guy over here, she still has the, uh, the hots for. She has something for, whatever. She still pines for him. Um, yeah, sucks. And I know, um, this all sounds like typical kind of red pill online nonsense. Um, but I know this has happened in my, um, small social circle outside of this world, outside of the Dad's Turning Over Help for Men world. I know of people who— women who have admitted to this. I had one couple that I knew, where the woman openly— and I always thought like, what is she doing? This is kind of mean of her, very insensitive of her for sure. In hindsight, I think she may have been on the spectrum, to be quite honest with you. I don't mean that in a bad way. I mean, I think she was genuinely on the autism spectrum. But she said she would openly talk about her, um, basically the one that got away. And she would openly talk about it, how she was madly in love with this guy who was from another country, met him when they were at university together, and that guy had to leave to go back to his home country because of an arranged marriage and never to see her again. And she would openly talk about him in front of who? Her husband. In front of her husband, she would talk about her long-lost lover, who's the love of her life, never to see again, yada yada. And I remember hearing this from her in front of husband, and I remember turning to the husband going, what do you think about this? This is probably, by the way, pre-DSO stuff. Like, what do you think about this when she says that. And he's just like, it is what it is, you know. He was very not anxious dude. He was just like, eh, oh well, that's her feelings, that's fine, doesn't bother me any bit, you know. He was like, you know, I got exes too and whatever. But I remember thinking then, thinking now, like, yeah, but he— you don't announce, you don't make these proclamations to the world about your ex in front of your current spouse. It seems very insensitive. And by the way, that couple is no longer together. No, she didn't go back with guy who was from the other country, but just it didn't work out for whatever reason. I think that may have been one piece of the pie as far as reasons that they didn't work out together. The foundation was a little shaky there. So I think that's what a lot of guys in the grand scheme of thing— grand scheme of things— what they are worried about is that the foundation under the relationship is shaky. Because for a lot of us men, The foundation for our relationship does a great deal of that relationship. If you want to think about it in terms of blocks or, you know, concrete blocks or foundations are typically poured, I guess they could be concrete blocks. Many of those concrete blocks are made of, I guess, if we wanted to take this relationship and put it in terms of qualities we look for in a partner or something, you know, the sexual, the intellect, the emotion, the this, the that, the sexual component. As far as men and our foundation for the relationship, it's a lot of blocks. So to hear from somebody, if we equate their foundation for a relationship with ours as a typical dude, to hear from our partner, you know, that thing that makes up so many blocks in your mind, those blocks are composed of this other guy, somebody else. Sorry, um, he was it. You ain't it. I love you, but as far as those blocks are concerned, now you come like third or fourth place. That's, that's hurtful. You know, we laugh, but for a lot of men, that's earth-shattering. And that's why I created that video and why every time I touch on that subject, it always gets a pretty big reaction from people. So