Join Ralph (DSO) and Rudy from Rude Advice LIVE!

Any chance?

Uh, I can. What do you need?

Well, I need to look at— be careful because I think we're officially live now. Hello world! If you're officially live now, I was going to just go verify on the Dad Starting Over page here real quick that we are in fact el vivo. That's Spanish, by the way. Yes, we are.

All right, we're live.

Good.

Awesome.

Which, by the way, hablas español?

No, I don't. I don't.

And, uh, yeah, but your family does.

We do. Um, the crazy story is I grew up in the, uh, I guess the southeast side of San Antonio, and I did grow up learning a version of Spanish, right? And, uh, it was Spanglish, Tex-Mex, but it was just more like, uh, an inappropriate type of Spanish. So when I started speaking it in the retail world, whenever the nationals would come on Holy Week to spend, you know, thousands of dollars on clothes and retail tax-free, they look at me like I had a horn growing out of my head. And I'm like, they go, Rudy, um, you should go to college. You sound unintelligent, is what they told me. Really?

Yeah.

So it's like a, I guess, a, um, a poor man's, I guess, form of dialect when it came to Spanish. So I learned the wrong type of Spanish, so I've never learned the proper, you know, Spanish that's appreciated.

My Spanish experience is different. My mother is from Spain. And she is from the part of Spain where they speak a Castilian accent, which is, you know, all the words that have like Z. So for example, she's from a city of Zaragoza, which is— there is a Zaragoza in Mexico as well, but there in Spain they pronounce it Zaragoza. They lisp all the Zs.

That's so odd, really. Okay.

And not only the Zs, but her full name is Rita Dolores Terren Torrecilla. So they say Torre-thi-lla.

Interesting.

Yeah, when people outside of Spain hear that, they're like, "What the hell's wrong with you?" It sounds very foo-foo, very hoity-toity kind of to people. And so, yeah, so you have the more rugged, and I have the more foo-foo flighty.

Yeah.

Yeah, so there you go.

Yeah, I wouldn't dare speak it like at a dinner table now that I know the enunciation of it and the pronunciation of the words I use are not going to be the right ones. It could come off maybe like, uh, rude or other words. I don't know. Yeah, but I want— I need to relearn the proper way. I have the fundamentals of it, but I need to relearn it.

I have no excuse other than my mother really didn't sit me down and teach me in any way, shape, or form. Her excuse was she was busy learning English when she came. So she was— yeah, so she did. But when her and my father spoke Spanish, that was because they didn't want me to know what they were saying. So it was a way of talking in front of me with, you know, so they would— yeah. But I, but I, I learned enough to pick up a word here and there. And I did spend summers in Spain as a kid, just a few.

Oh, that's nice. Okay.

So I started thinking in Spanish a little bit as a kid, and then as soon as you come back to America, you lose it because you don't speak I don't speak it every day, so.

Yeah.

No, I don't speak Spanish, but I know enough to pick up here and there on little things, so. But anywho, welcome. I'm looking over to the side here, my computer. Welcome everyone on Facebook, YouTube, Twitter. If you don't know, my name is Ralph Brewer Brewer Brewer. I go by the moniker of DSO, from dadstartingover.com. You can find us on all the social media channels, obviously. Website's dadstartingover.com, and we have a private men's group called the DSO Fraternity. I've authored several books. We have courses.

We have all kinds of cool stuff.

Check it out. DadsStartingOver.com is kind of the hub for everything. And Rudy, tell us about yourself for those that don't know.

Okay, for those who don't know, my name is Rudy. I go by Rudy A on the internet, on YouTube, and on TikTok. Uh, story goes, I was married for, uh, 16 years. I got divorced at 39, and one day I decided to share a story of the dating experience that I had going back out at 39 years old, being that I hadn't dated since the '90s, and that's when everything kind of took off. So As of right now, uh, I give advice on, uh, marriage advice, and I really speak to a lot of my mistakes that I made as a young man and as a husband so people can learn from them. I give like real life scenarios that many people who are married can understand and like can relate to. I also give dating advice since I had a great dating life and, you know, never had a problem in that area. And now I'm at, I believe, 305,000 followers on TikTok. I have started my own podcast because of this whole thing called The Root Advice Podcast. I also have a YouTube channel, Root Advice with Rudy A., and I got to meet some wonderful people like yourself on all over the world who are just trying to share great advice and help people in some tough situations that are out there that they feel that they're alone and they're really not.

There you go. Very well put. Very well put. And I didn't mention that there's also a Dad Starting Over podcast. You've been on my— pardon me, you've been on my podcast. I've been on your podcast. We've been on Lives and all kinds of cool stuff together. And, uh, we have a lot in common. Both divorced dudes, obviously. Both 40-somethings. Both got the Spanish background. Both are awesome in so many ways. Anyways, yeah, yeah, there you go. And, uh, Jesús Vieta Vidal, I'm gonna go on a limb and say of Spanish descent as well. Okay, uh, he's on YouTube and he gives us the old, uh, strong emoji there. I don't know if you can see on your end. Can you see the comments from folks?

Yes, I can.

Okay, very good. So we're, like I say, we are— hello everyone, you say.

Cool.

We are on YouTube. We are on Twitter, or X as it's called now, and Facebook. That's right. You— Facebook has done very well for you here in the last not even a year.

Yeah, right. No, I've only been on since March and currently at 61,000 followers. And I have to admit, of all the platforms I think I love Facebook the most, but TikTok's— again, I love it for what it is, but they're all different. Facebook, everyone tends to be very vocal, and it's not just a sentence. They have sometimes paragraphs and long novels on what they share, but it's very engaging. If I ever want to count on engagement and honest opinions, people are going to give me well-thought-out opinions whether I agree with them or not on Facebook. And, um, I was recently banned on TikTok— on Facebook, uh, for reasons I still don't know yet. And but that ban is lifted and things are starting to get back to normal, but it really impacted my visibility.

I thought you, I thought you had pinpointed it to that audio that was running in the background thing.

Oh yeah, that's right. I totally forgot.

Yeah.

So just to give everybody clarification, about 2 years ago, my fiancée and I, we did a live watch-along of the movie The Fly with Jeff Goldblum back in 1988. And it was just like a Halloween thing. We, I love Halloween. We get really into it, her and I. And we just did a watch-along, but we had the volume very low, but still enough to where you can kind of hear it. And they banned my personal page, and I guess anything, any page that I created from that was also banned. So it wasn't anything I said, it wasn't any opinion that I had, it was just a live watch-along on the fly from 2001 that did it. So that's all cleared, and, uh, I'm trying to get back at it because exposure— I went from a huge audience to like nothing. Within a week. So I'm trying to rebuild that as well.

Um, coincidentally, my wife and I watched The Fly. Well, being my wife is German, we have all these little moments where, you know, little American moments where I'll mention some movie or music or something and she'll be like, I have no idea what you're talking about. And I'll be like, oh dude, we gotta watch this.

You've never seen it? Yeah.

And one of them was The Fly with Jeff Goldblum. And you know what, that, that movie, if I remember right, won an Oscar for the special effects. And I'm remembering now one scene in particular was so bad, it didn't hold up. It was when he was the full-blown fly at the end and he barfs all over that guy's hand.

Oh yeah, it was—

oh, it was so badly done. It looks so fake, so terrible. It just looked like this mannequin sitting there with vomit spewing out. Yeah, that— and shows how far we've come with the, with the special effects over the years.

Yeah, but you know what, I will take— I will take practical effects like that all day, every day, versus CGI.

But I tell you what, when I rewatch like Jurassic Park, for example, that still holds up. Oh yeah, some of the scenes are very well done in that, like even compared to today's. I'm like, they figured something out back then that it really worked, like for those T-Rex scenes and stuff. But it is a combination of the practical and the CGI, which I think is what makes it that much more believable. But you're right, um, the old practical stuff I love. I love the old stop-motion too, remember that? The old stop-motion animation. Yeah, I really like that too. Don't see much of that anymore. Oh boy. Adnor from YouTube asked a question, and this is where I'm going to mute and just let you sit back and tell the story.

What's the question here?

What were the circumstances of your divorce after so long?

Oh, okay. Well, that is a long question, a long answer. So kind of bear with me here. Well, again, if you add collectively, we were together 20 years, add the dating years because we were high school sweethearts. Uh, but the divorce was a lot of factors. What a lot of people like to talk about is when I was on TikTok, I shared, uh, opinions on why a husband would cheat on his wife, because I cheated on my wife on year 8, and I explained why I did it. I'm not validating it, but I explained how I got into that mindset so people can understand and learn not to be— to avoid that mindset. You know, these— so many things came about to where I was in that decision. Uh, learn from my mistake is what I did. But it wasn't just the infidelity, because again, that happened at year 8 and we were married 16 years, but It was a lot of factors. It was one main is communication. I know everybody says communication is key with the relationship, and it is, but what a lot of people don't tend to talk about is so is listening. You have to listen to what the other person's saying. You can't be waiting to talk. And a lot of times we were just waiting to talk over each other. What about me? What about you? You do this, you never do this, always speaking in absolutes. So we never really listened to one another, and we both saw each other as the victim. In the relationship. Uh, it was also money. We were very foolish with money. We try to keep up with the Joneses and get the house and the cars to kind of keep up with everybody. And before you know it, you're house poor. And everyone says, well, why didn't you go on date night?

Go, go, go out.

We had no money because we were house poor. Everything went to the house. We had a big beautiful home with Kirkland's decor, but not a dime to go out and get a meal on our own or afford a babysitter. So it was that situation. And it was just, um, that's really the key items was that. And, uh, I didn't understand about how my faults were impacting the relationship until I started going to therapy. When I filed for divorce, I decided, hey, is this my fault? Am I doing something wrong? Am I the asshole here? So I went to therapy and I, yeah, I did come to the conclusion that I was at fault for a lot of things. I, looking in the mirror and taking accountability and understanding that, you know, you are you contributed to the failure of this marriage. You're not the white knight, you're not the victim as you— like you thought you were. You just were not prepared to handle a lot of these emotional, um, uh, events that come in with a marriage. So I've learned a lot from it, and I've apologized to her, and she's— you know, we divorced on good terms. Um, she was under the mindset, let's stay together for the kids, and I tried that for a couple years, and I just couldn't. After 2 years, it was just It was a horrible existence. And I said, I'd rather teach my kids how to start over and do it the right way and have a healthy dynamic with your ex, ex-spouse, then show them just stay in a helpless, horrible relationship and wait till they graduate because that's not going to work out. And that's exactly what I did. And again, we have a great co-parenting relationship. We talk every day on the phone. Uh, she's remarried. I'm engaged. The kids are wonderful. So it all worked out. Like I said, it took a long time in the making, but it was a lot of mistakes that occurred. And again, she's— she was no angel. I don't want to talk about all her faults, but again, she was no angel herself. But we've both learned from that experience.

Very good. And a lot of similarities between you and I, especially, uh, the timeline. It was also 15 years of marriage and 20 years as a couple. It was actually right before our 15-year anniversary is when our marriage dissolved. Um, okay, mine was a little different, uh, for those that don't know, in terms of And I also don't want to go into all the particulars of it because it's really nobody's business, a lot of the stuff that went down. But I can just say, for those that don't know my story, one day I discovered, unfortunately while on vacation with my family, I discovered that the missus was basically leading a double life. And that led to all kinds of not so good stuff. That was the genesis of Dad Starting Over. Started writing on the topic and blogging on the topic and eventually writing books on different stuff and podcasting and the rest is history. So we come to the same world via different avenues, but a lot of similarities. And something that you and I have both learned over the years is, oh boy, we're not alone. There's a lot of dudes out there going through this. Oh yeah, no way. And some of the stories are so similar, it's kind of creepy. Yeah, and, uh, one of the stories I often mention, I've written about ad nauseam, and, uh, is, uh, there was— I went to a therapist who was a gal, lady, and she said, I got a guy, let's say Steve, that you need to talk to. He's— his story is so similar to yours. And, um, I asked him if you could call him, and he said, yeah, he'd love to talk to you. Here's his number if you want to talk to him. He's there. He would love to chat with you. He's so— he's hurting for somebody to talk to. And And so I texted the guy and said, uh, hey, therapist so-and-so said I should contact you. He just called me right away. I've been waiting for your call, dude. And wow, that was, that was my first introduction into, oh my God, this guy was like completing my sentences. This guy was like, oh, let me guess, this and this happened, am I right? I'm like, dude, how'd you know? Dude, you have no idea, man. Go to this website, read this forum, go to this thing. And he opened my eyes to, oh Holy shit, this is just a whole world I knew nothing about. I was so ignorant of this whole infidelity, divorce, and all this other nonsense. Thankfully. I mean, who doesn't want to be ignorant of all that? But yeah, it was a big eye-opener for me. Christine says— Christine from Facebook says that listening activity— actively, pardon me— is so, so important. Many people are too busy thinking about their response. And being defensive, and many refuse to see their own faults, and they don't feel that they need to apologize ever. And thank you for sharing your experiences. Yeah, I think we can, we can all relate to that and relate to people like that. Um, that's a common thing. Let's, let's not— we don't want to go into the gender war here so much, but it is something that a lot of men knee-jerk, knee-jerk say is, I don't remember the last time my wife or girlfriend ever apologized to me. That's not, uh, that's not something. And there was a video here by a psychologist, I can't remember, trying to explain, saying actually that is not something that a bunch of men are inventing. That is something that is somewhat rare in the, in the female world, is coming hat in hand saying, I am so sorry for what I did there. And yeah, I tried, and they tried to explain why psychologically that is. It's not a nefarious evil thing, it's just a personality trait, if you will. Um, It's not. And I think also there's probably some sociological programming there of girls always right, girls the softer, gentler gender, we're the monsters and so forth. So you hear a lot of apologies that way. But a lot of men can relate to that, Christine, of we've not heard our significant others saying I'm sorry all that often.

Yeah. Yeah. And it might— and to add to that point, I don't think my ex-wife apologized until after the divorce. It was just stubbornness. I don't know what it was, an acknowledgement of fault. But yeah, it is tough for many people, not just women, but many people to apologize and own up to it.

Oh sure, that's a big thing. And I remember actually in the middle of all of our divorce and everything else, my ex did randomly text me one time, "I'm sorry for ruining your life." And my response at the time— this was like 11 years ago or so now— my response at the time was kind of defiant. Like, you didn't ruin anything. You didn't ruin anything. I'll be fine. More than fine. Thank you very much. Something to that effect. And that kind of dialed things back in the friendly department between the two of us. She didn't take too kindly to that. And she's like, okay, so this— that's the way it's going to be here. Because I think in her defense, that was a big, big step for her, was to say, sorry for what I did, instead of— instead of saying, I appreciate that, you know, let's move on. It was, well, screw you, I'm the strong one here. And yeah, this kind of set the tone for several years after that.

Okay.

But yeah, but over the past shit, I don't know, 6, 7 years or so, it's been pretty cordial. You say co-parenting, we got jobs to do here. Let's get them done. You take this, I take that. Done. Yeah. And she's obviously— she's still with the same man that she was with from the incident. And I wish them all the best. They seem to be two peas in a pod. They found their— they found their match. So good for them. And I did too. You and I have both since moved on and have both since procreated and, and made another little one.

Yeah, we've both reproduced, man. That's whole thing. Yeah. Having a kid at 46, uh, my, my fiancée is 36, 37, I believe. And I'm 46. So I don't recommend having kids in your 40s, but if it does, it's a wonderful thing because, uh, I had two be in my previous marriage. Uh, my daughter went off to college. She's doing her thing. My son's, uh, 17, a senior in high school. I'm like, bye, you know, bye daughter, call me when you need anything. And then my fiancée tells me we're pregnant. I'm like, what? Like, seriously, what? So it's a wonderful experience for me because I have to admit, when my daughter was going to college, I had this— something was missing, this empty nester, I guess, first symptom of feeling like, oh my God, one's gone. Now I have one left. I better like savor that, that, that those moments because they'll be gone before you know it. And then when my son arrived and I found out about him, I'm now enjoying it more than ever because now, uh, when you were younger and raising kids, I can think we're all stressed and worried if we're doing the right thing. We're worried about money, babysitter. We're so consumed with responsibilities or we're doing this right. And now that I've done all that, I'm savoring every day. I'm kissing him, I'm changing every diaper I want, I can, feeding him. I'm enjoying those, uh, 3:00 AM feedings because these days, as you know as a parent, are going to be gone before you know it. So I'm cherishing these moments now, uh, because before you know it, I'll be dropping them off at school and that'll be it, and they'll be gone. So I'm, I'm loving it. I, I'm enjoying being a parent right now. I did get a vasectomy after that, but there you go. But, uh, I'm done. 3, I'm done. No more.

Now, you did say your knee-jerk thought there though at the very beginning was, I don't recommend Yeah, having a child. And it was— so the question is, why not?

It's exhausting. It's, it's exhausting. It's hard enough. Yeah, it— I mean, I don't know when it started. I think maybe when I turned 44, but I started taking naps, and I've never taken naps in my life before. And now at my lunch that I work from home, instead of going to the gym at 12, I'm like, I'm gonna take a nap. I take naps every day. And now, as a kid— I mean, when I was younger, in my late 20s, early 30s, being a parent, I had all the energy in the world. It was still hard, but I had the energy. But it's, it's exhausting now. Yeah, yeah. But as far as maturity level, again, this is my fiancée's first and she's enjoying every second of it. And, uh, we're both at a— we both talk about it like how we're both mature and we haven't had that one fight at 3 AM. We're not stressing out or going off on each other. It's been a total contrast to what I was used to. Or have experienced myself. Yeah, it's been a wonderful experience all around.

I can totally relate to the energy thing. When I look back on— I had our first batch of kiddos. I had 3 from the first marriage, started in my late 20s. And when I look at everything I did during those time with those kids, I'm like, where in the hell did I get the energy for this?

Yes, I was 30.

Number 1, on top of everything, was like a long commute to work. So 2 hours a day was in the car. That's huge right there. On top of once I got home, all the house stuff, all the domestic stuff, all the— and then, you know, helping kids with homework and everything else and then playing with kids and then driving this kid to soccer and this other kid to this other thing. And I have no idea where I got the energy for that because now I got one in college, almost 20 years of age, you know, got one that'll be senior next year in high school and the other one's in middle school. So they, they don't take care of themselves necessarily 100%, but they're getting there. You don't have to worry about them nearly as much as a toddler. But oh yeah, toddler, it's, you know, 24/7. You have to—

24/7.

They need you, they need the energy, and it's exhausting completely. And the nap thing, I don't get to take one every day, but I— if I could, I would. Absolutely. Yeah, my body just shuts down and just says I need to recuperate now. And, um, and I exercise quite a bit. That's always been a big part of my world is working out, and now everything is injured. Everything hurts. It's just, yes, all at once. Everything, my everything, all at once. My body's just like, dude, you gotta chill out, man. You need a nap. You need to not work out so much. You need to— I'm like, oh man. And it sucks. Getting old sucks. And dude, you say you're 46, um, I'm 48. You're going to be 50 before you know it. So does it fill you with— I mean, do you sit there wide-eyed and go, I'm going to have a little kid and I'm going to be a 50-year-old man? With a little kid?

Uh, you know what, I am questioning my mortality more than ever because again, at 46, um, I'm looking at myself and I've gained some weight over the past 6 months and it's be— and it's because I— a lot of things, but, uh, uh, my fiancée moved in and she cooks really well and I haven't eaten this well in over 9 years since I've lived with a woman. So I'm eating well for the first time in a long time. So I gotta work on that. But at the same time, You're right. When he's in high school, I'll be 60— what, I'll be— no, 50. I'll be— yeah, I'll be 60, 65 when he's in high school. That's old. And I owe it to him and my ex-wife and my wife right now, my fiancée, excuse me, to stay healthy. Because the last thing I want to do is get diabetes or get a stroke, and now I got to be dependent on her and just be a burden on her. So I am now cutting back. I went to the gym this morning. Eating better, and I want to be healthy for him and her because again, it goes by fast. 20 years will go by super fast, and—

oh yeah, absolutely—

I want to be in the best possible health possible.

Yeah, and I got a— my 16-year-old boy is big into wrestling. He's high school wrestling, and he wants to wrestle, and I'm like, oh God, all right, just, you know, give me a minute. Yeah, when I wrestle him, oh my God, just everything is just hurting. And so thank goodness I have a little girl that the 2-year-old, because like, if she's a boy and she's— when she turns 16, I'm doing the math. I'm like, yeah, she come— if she was a boy and she came to me and said, let's wrestle, I'll be like, oh God, yeah, it's like some year old or whatever. It's just not happening. Uh, hey, but you know what, maybe she will be a wrestler. I don't know. Who knows? She could—

who knows—

be big into the physical sports. But she's very, very, very girly, more so than what my first daughter was. She's all about babies. She's all about— wants to pretend to cook, wants to do just very stereotypical And we didn't push that on her at all. In fact, she showed an interest at the beginning in, um, like equipment. Like, uh, um, in German they call it the Bagger, which is the, the, uh, the excavator equipment. You know, the machine that scoops the dirt, the big, uh, excavator. She loves those things for whatever reason. Got her a toy excavator that lasted a month. To the babies. So she doesn't care about that anymore. She used to be into trains and dump trucks and all this. No, no, she's all about babies now. So it's kind of interesting how the gender thing works. Um, uh, kids will— Bill says, Bill from Facebook says that kids will make you stay younger, or at least take better care of yourself. Yeah, or have you hit the bottle, I guess.

Yeah, like, I don't drink. I mean, I drink socially, like we go out and I have a couple beers, but I don't drink at home. And I'm kind of— I've never been one to like, oh, I need a beer. So I, I stay away from that.

Same. Yeah, yeah. But, uh, just the stress of it. I mean Also, we've talked about one of my catchphrases is kids are kind of a crapshoot when it comes to your relationship. They can bring you closer together for sure. And if you have a strong relationship, it's like you two are a team to help raise this little one and, and keep them happy and healthy. But if wife, for example, sticking to her, this could go both ways, but sticking with the wife, for example, I can't tell you how many times I've spoken to men and I say, so when did the wheels start falling off the relationship? The number one answer by a long shot is kids. When the kids came into the picture and you'll hear the extreme end of the spectrum is severe mental illness came about, you know, severe postpartum depression, like she had to be hospitalized kind of stuff and drugged and she's on lithium and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And she can't function. And I have basically do everything. She's on the couch all day or she's, you know, taken away to the nervous hospital for 6 months. Wow. But often when you look at those stories, they're precipitated by some kind of something that should have told those men, "Uh-uh, I don't know what I'm dealing with here." Yeah. Maybe a little episode. "You know, we had one little episode 2 or 3 years ago, but since then it was great. And now, kid, poof." So that's the far end of the spectrum. Or it could be all the way to wives just get really, really anxious and really, really stressed out and distance themselves from everybody, including the husband. That's very tough on a relationship.

And I've seen it firsthand again now. And in the— my love witch, my fiancée, I call her the love witch. That's my nickname for her. She's going to be on my podcast and we're going to talk about that. And again, I remember experiencing that when I was younger, full of testosterone and just, you know, it's all about me being selfish, not even thinking about her, being very angry when the sex wasn't as often or frequent as I wanted, being angry at the change and not handling it the way I was supposed to. Now that I'm older, and know better, uh, I'm very— it's, it's completely different. Like, for example, like, the sex has stopped— not stopped, but it's not as often as we would like. But we do, we, we do it, and it's great when we can, uh. And again, I understand she gets touched out because, again, my son's very demanding. He's like me, he's like a very needy punk, and he's just always wanting mama. And, uh, we do have my, uh, my mother-in-law living with us too, so she does take care of the baby at times. But even with that, she's, she's tired and I know to leave her alone. Like, uh, I can sense it and I'm like, do you need anything? Uh, give me the kid. You can have a couple of hours to yourself, 3 hours, whatever. Not be downstairs. I'll feed him. So I, I recognize when she's stressed and touched out and it doesn't bother me like it did when I was younger, which again, it shouldn't have bothered me when I, when I was younger, but again, I just didn't know any better. Right. So I understand that. I see that. And, uh, she does make time for me. I don't get as much often— I don't get as much attention as I did in the past. But she understands that, and I understand this is just a temporary thing because the kid is demanding. And, you know, the first couple years are going to be this way, and then it's slowly going to adapt to what it used to be. That's just the way it is. But I didn't know that when I was younger. Uh, so what she's done is like, uh, he'll sleep with Grandma like a few nights of the week, and we'll be alone. And she said she's on these mom forums, and she said there's a lot of moms who have, uh, the baby blues where they, they, this is their first kid and they miss who they were. They miss the outfits they can't wear no more. They miss not feeling the energy that they used to have or the brain functions like that. They have brain clouds sometimes and she doesn't have the sharpness that she has. So they are depressed and they feel down on themselves and they have resentment toward the dad sometimes. And what they'll put— and she says what most women she's seen that will do, will put the baby in the middle of the bed. And that's like, that's like a marriage killer because, you know, I don't want him, I don't want him to touch me. So let's put the baby in the middle of the bed. And, you know, I'll say, no, he needs me. I'll be— I'm going to send a mother, and then I'll turn it on him not being a good father. What, you don't want your son to sleep well? You know, turn it on him. But she doesn't want anything to do with the husband. So she goes, I can't do that to you. So again, that's why the baby sleeps with the grandma a few nights a week, and we have our alone time, and we have that, you know, it doesn't even have to be sex. It could just be hugging and spooning. That's all I need at times because I'm tired too. And, uh, you know, sex is great and all, but sometimes I am tired, she's tired, we just want to watch a horror movie and spoon. And that's all I need. And I'm, I'm, I'm happy beyond belief, man, that I have a woman who understands that. Yeah, she was, I love you too, and I'm not gonna let you go. I've heard your podcast, I've heard your other colleagues. No, that's not me, and we're gonna make this work. And I'm blessed, man, that she has that mindset.

It, um, it's sad, and my wife says much the same, how the theme from a lot of the women Pardon me, in that world is one of like, we're victims of this overwhelming anxiety and stress and everything that comes upon us. And we are very powerless to change it. That's the thing. In other words, and man, I miss the old me. I wish, you know, I wish I could wear those little dresses like I used to wear. I wish I could do these things. I wish my husband and I did go out and, you know, more often and blah, blah, blah. But I wish we did have a healthier sex life. But Hey, it is what it is, and I'm a mother now, and this is my lot in life, and we're parents, and we got to turn the page on that chapter of our life. And there's a lot of men over there going, no. Yeah, yeah, we really don't. We really don't. You know, we can pull that, pull that page back. We can. It's never going to be exactly the same. It's never going to be the honeymoon stage again. But we sure, we sure as shit can dabble in that world again. Again. But yeah, here's But here's the key. It takes— drumroll— work. And it does. To go to a woman who is about to collapse on her feet in the kitchen, and she's like, I don't know if I can do one more minute. I'm just so emotionally spent, physically spent. Kid, kid, kid, work, work, work, all this other stuff. My mother's driving me nuts today, whatever it may be. And here's you or somebody on the internet or who knows who comes to her and said, If you put a little bit more work into your relationship, she doesn't want to hear it.

Yeah. Unfortunately, she's exhausted. She's sleep deprived and she's exhausted.

Yeah. And so, yeah, work is probably not the way to put it. Got to put in your work, sweetheart. It takes what— from what I've seen, as sexist as it may sound, it takes a lot of the man to take on the leader role, the steward of the relationship, if you will, to say, I'm going to make sure this relationship doesn't go off the rails. And that means, no, we're going to do this and this. No, I got the kiddo. I made an appointment for you at the spa. 2 hours, just you, go. Or your friends are coming over to hang out. I got the kiddo. Me and the kiddo are going to go to the playground. I don't know, that kind of stuff. Somebody has to take the reins because often, not always, but often the woman feels too guilty, feels shamed, feels exhausted, feels— somebody like you and mom-in-law teaming up to say, we got this, go. We see that you're on the edge. Pretty rare, pretty rare stuff.

And yeah, and, uh, but that's what she thinks. Yeah, and you're right. And there's been times where I said, you know, don't lose your identity, don't lose who you are, uh, go out. I got him. Like, so sometimes there's Saturdays where, you know, I got him from 8 AM till 4, and she'll go get her nails done or just go out, just get away from everything. Because again, just to be alone. Now I'm like, do that. I mean, it is exhausting. I mean, 24/7, but a kid, it's still fun because, you know, they're very low maintenance. They're just— they have playpens. I don't know if you know this. They have playpens where adults can fit into them now. It's like an 8 by 10 playpen now.

Oh yeah, yeah, I know what you're talking about.

Yeah, that's a new thing. And I'm in there playing with them and doing things, and, uh, it's so different. It's just so safe. Like, even like, uh, the strollers have like shoulder straps now. It's not just the waist strap. I'm like, really? Does he need all that? Like, okay, whatever.

A little much, a little much.

She goes out and does her thing, and sometimes she says, I don't want to go out, I just want to spend time with me, you, and our son together. I'm like, oh. And that's one thing I had to adjust myself because I initially, I was like, let me take him, you rest. And I was so used to that co-parenting dynamic. Well, I was doing it on my own. She goes, no, I want to be with you. And I'm like, oh. I just, I just, it's an old familiar thing that I hadn't thought about in a long time. So it's It's just us three in the room watching a movie, and I'm like, oh yeah, this is the way it's supposed to be. So there's times like that where I've had to like, uh, re-learn what I unlearned a long time ago. So it's like a little bit of déjà vu.

Yeah, yeah, I can relate. Um, the, the mother-in-law in the home, how's that working out? Is that a contentious thing sometimes? Is it, uh, well, I'm just trying to think of it from my perspective. I'm like, would I want my mother-in-law to live with us. Not that she's some evil witch or anything, but just— yeah, but just the struggle of having another human in there. I like my— I like my privacy, you know. I want to walk around half naked in the house, you know.

Well, I never walked around half naked, maybe a couple of times when I had somebody here, but not, not all the time. But anyway, uh, no, it's been— it's been wonderful. And it was kind of like, um, it's something I didn't think about. Like, when people think about usually moving in with somebody and getting married, they think about that early stage in your 20s when it's young and just you two together and that's it. But when you date somebody older, like I said, my fiancée, when I met her, she was 35 and she had lived with her mother for the past 10 years. So they— that's just who they are. She manages her money. Yeah, they were a package deal. So when I— when we got together, she came with her along with her two cats. And I hate cats. Not— I don't hate cats, I'm allergic to cats. So I've had to build up my immunity and allergy resistance to cats. And my daughter had to move out, but she was going to move out anyway. So the timing was weird because of college. And I had to give up my master bedroom for her because she has— she's older and she's got the kids' stuff in there and all that. And the personal shower, because I didn't want her to share the shower with my son. So it is a sacrifice. It is. And, you know, we eventually want to buy a new home. We want to maybe convert the garage into an apartment for her. And stay here because home prices are ridiculous right now. And so rates— oh yeah, let's stay here. This— my payment's cheap and it's a big home, so let's just stay here. It was, uh, a change, but she's a wonderful woman. I have no animosity, no ill— no negative feelings with her. We watch the Astros games all the time. She's like Rain Man when it comes to sports stats and basketball. She's in the NFL, she knows stats like crazy. So, and she loves movies, so she's wonderful. She's wonderful.

Does she watch NBA, like Spurs?

Uh, yes, yes, yes, Spurs, San Antonio. Yeah, of course we got Wimby, and we're all—

I was just gonna say, are you big Wimby fans? I'm a big Wimby fan now. Yeah, watch some highlights. I'm a believer. That's the next— yeah, major superstar right there.

We went to the game, uh, on Friday when we played the Rockets, and we were like at least 20 feet away from the floor to see him live. Like, he's making guys who are 6'10" look like 5'8".

That's—

it's—

for those that don't— for those that don't know, he's like a 19-year-old kid from France who is like 7'5".

Yeah, 7'4", 7'5".

Ridiculous. And he's not a, like, a freak that just stands there like a tree like most 7-foot-plus guys are. No, he moves, he's agile, he can dribble, he can shoot. Unbelievable. Just a freak of nature. Really, really—

he's like a 7'4" Kevin Garnett. Or, uh, Kevin Durant is what I'm doing.

Yeah, KD.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's insane. But yeah, we're excited down here.

Yeah, very cool, very cool. And so yeah, that's interesting with the mother-in-law and second marriage and another little kiddo. Uh, it's a lot at once, but as you can see, if you do it right, what an ideal scenario. You have help, live-in help. I mean, another human doesn't hurt. It's kind of— I don't want to belittle what she does or anything, but there's this concept of like an au pair or a nanny or somebody, um, yeah, that helps tremendously with, you know, wife and I are going to go out and Grandma says, go, go have fun.

We have date night twice a week sometimes. We went and saw The Rocky Horror Picture Show live last night. So we're— it's a complete contrast to what I had as a younger person. And yeah, when the ex-wife dropped off my son last Sunday, and I went up to her and I go, you know what, I don't know how we did it. I mean, it was so hard. I mean, no one to help us. I mean, we had our parents, but we had to pay them, and it wasn't as readily available as it is here. But driving, getting up at 5 AM, getting dressed, getting the kids dressed, taking the kids to school, being an hour in traffic, going to work, coming back, picking up the kids. Now we're exhausted. Now who's gonna make dinner, make sure their homework's done within a couple of hours, take a shower, then go to bed at 9 and do it all over again. I don't know how we did it. I mean, we both work from home, we're blessed, she's here. So it's, it's— there are stressful times here and there, but it's nothing, nothing compared to what it was 20 years ago. And I said, I don't know how we did it. She goes, yeah, it was hard.

Totally. And I think back, same thing, head was spinning. Where did I get the energy, number one?

Yeah.

How did we, how did we make that work? Because there were so many things working against us geographically where we were, the family and all this other stuff. It's just, it was tough. And, uh, you know what's funny is that my now wife, she thinks that she can say, you know, you, you've went through this 3 times kiddo-wise with, with the previous wife, so I can look to you to be the expert on a lot of things kid-related and stuff like that. Yes, but I tell you, when she's— when she asks me little pointed questions of, what did you do when so-and-so was 2? And I'm like, I I don't remember any. It was just such a— it was such a fog. It was just, just constant, just trying to stay alive and dealing with all the emotionality of that. And anxiety was probably spiked through the roof because of that, which I think scientifically they show anxious people tend not to have the best memories when it comes to stuff, or just so preoccupied with all the anxiety in the moment. So I think that's what it was. So my wife's getting kind of frustrated with like, haven't you done this before? It's like, yeah, I just— I— you're putting me on the spot and quizzing me about things. I Honestly, I don't remember. And sometimes some things come to me like, oh yeah, I remember first steps and things like that. But you're asking me what we did, what we fed, what we bought. I have no clue. I don't remember any of that. It was just a fog, a blur of stuff that I was doing. It's just trying to— I call it the getting caught up in the family and marriage machine. You're just this little component in the machine. And it's so easy to get lost in that.

Easy.

Maintain your sanity and your individuality is a really tough thing for sure. Um, looking here, any other comments? Um, Sean from Facebook says 46 and he has a 4 and a 5-year-old. He just finished divorcing. Sorry to hear that. So now doing it alone half the time.

Wow.

He definitely would have thought twice though about kiddos, but they do keep you young. That's true, that's true. Um, there is, um quite a bit of people I talk to that they feel very guilty about, of feeling, um, regret in terms of starting having family so young. You know, these, uh, a lot of people in the middle of nowhere, Middle America, culturally it's like, well, we're out of high school now, time to get married and start making babies. And so here's a 19, 20-year-old that's getting hitched and making babies, and they're like, I just totally missed out on a giant chunk of my life, and now here I am divorced in my 30s, and I got a lot of living to do, a lot of catching up to do. I never I don't have any relationship experience other than my past girlfriend, ex-wife, and this is tough. And they're just kind of lost and they feel— they feel shame over thinking that, that there's a little bit of regret for starting. You know, they love their kiddos to death and everything, but they're like, life would have just been so much easier if I hadn't gone down that road. And then the pressure of doing all that. That's a very common thing. Some parts of the world it is. Yeah.

Yeah, I hear that. And everyone's situation is different. I would say, well, it's, you know, you can look at it that, hey, you had your kids very young. Now you get to enjoy them and you're still in great shape. You're in your late 30s, which is very young, and you got your whole life ahead of you. You got your mature— usually you have your income and your status and who you're going to be established at that point, usually. So you have your whole life ahead of you. And there's other people who, you know, like us, you know, like maybe have kids when we're older and we're exhausted. So there's pros and cons on each side, I think, but it's all in how you approach it and look at it.

Yeah, definitely. Yeah. I mean, if you look at what are we, quote, supposed to do as far as making kids and everything, old Mother Nature says really early.

Yeah. Yeah.

It makes us boys want to make babies really early. And society these days says that's not a good idea. You need to wait. And there are, you know, it's interesting culturally how it changes, like sticking with America, how other, like I say, there's some pockets of this country where it's You're out of high school, get you a nice steady job. That's not a given anymore, but start making babies. While other parts of this country, probably your more urban areas, say they kind of look at a woman who's in her early 30s that wants to start making babies and they're like, really, already? Totally different world, totally different world. Bill says, my father was older and I feel I didn't get as much time with him as my older siblings. But I got a better quality of time. So yeah, father's more settled down, staying put, literally. Yeah, more, uh, get more emotional one-on-one time, more mental time, I guess, one way of looking at it. Yeah. Uh, any other questions from anybody else from the gallery here? Do you have a— you need to be out of here in what, 15 minutes?

Uh, no, I mean, how long does he usually go? I can say to maybe another hour if it's fine. I mean, whatever's good for you. Okay, I'm off.

Usually I usually go an hour with these. Okay, um, so, uh, tomorrow's a big day for you. Halloween, that's your big day, isn't it? Your big holiday.

Yeah, that's my big day. And, uh, it's freezing down here in South Texas. It's like 40 degrees, which is, uh, you know, yeah, it's windy and it's raining. So, uh, we are going to be our first couple, uh, couple and son you know, costume. We're going to be the Beetlejuice. I'm going to be, you know, when he makes his head and nose large and he's got the eyes. I'm going to be the, uh, Alec Baldwin. She's going to be, um, I guess, uh, what's her name with the mouth? Think of the parents with those masks. And our son's going to be Beetlejuice. We got a little Beetlejuice outfit for him. So it's, it's our first Halloween. We have that. And, um, for those who don't know, uh, like I said, when I got divorced, I started a YouTube channel. That's part of the whole story where I had no friends, no one to talk to, because The divorce, again, I don't want to paint it that it was a smooth transition. Uh, the ex-wife just went on a, uh, a campaign of just telling everybody everything, and just— I lost all my friends, so I had nobody to talk to. So I started a YouTube channel where I do movies, and I still have it. I mean, I love movies. Movies are my passion. I love horror movies, like I've mentioned. And so I have like a bunch of horror movie reviews that are coming out, uh, tomorrow, and, uh, it's gonna be a lot of fun on that. So that, that channel is called Gen X'd Reviews. Gen EX review, so it's pretty fun.

I like it. Yeah, and, uh, Ryan here must have missed it, but yes, Ryan, San Antonio is where he's at. Ryan says he's in the Alamo Heights area. Do you know where Alamo Heights is?

Yeah, that's central, that's north of me.

So there you go, small world, small world. I've been to San Antonio exactly once, I think. I remember the Riverwalk or whatever. That was like 20-some-odd years ago. I'm sure it's changed quite a bit since then.

Oh, quite a bit.

Here's a good question from Honey. Hello, Honey. She's a regular on here. How do you deal with a guy— how do you deal with a guy who is easily stressed? He's happy, but when problems are present, it seems to overwhelm him at times. Well, is he getting help with that at all? Hmm. Is this something, Honey, you call him out on? That, hey, you don't really seem to cope. Cope is the psychological term. You don't seem to cope too well when shit starts hitting the fan, even when it's— even when it's little things. And, you know, hearing it from your significant other saying, uh, I kind of need to know that I can depend on you to kind of deal with shit when it comes flying at you. I can't have a husband that's going to spaz out at every little thing. I need to know you're going to keep your head on straight. And if you got a problem with that hubby or boyfriend or whatever, maybe you need to talk to somebody about that. Yeah, not— and also another angle, that is not the most attractive thing, husband, for a guy to do, to freak out and stress out about every little thing. I need to know you're my rock here. But if you're having a hard time with that, hey, we're all human, just get help with it. And honey, it's not— you're not the therapist.

It's not your job.

You're not— your job to fix them.

I've always said that if you want to see the true essence of a person's character, see how it is, how they react when things don't go their way or when they're stressed. When pressure's put on them. And this— if that's somebody you tend not to want to marry, because life is just full of stressful moments that come about, either medical bills, things that go break down in the house, there's always going to be something stressful that happens. And you want somebody that's going to keep, keep it together and not just implode on you, because it's not going to last long if you're married to anybody like that. So just— yeah, that's not good. I don't know if it's your problem to deal with. So I don't know.

And this is a big reason why when you are dating somebody, take your time. And, you know, if you get the inkling that I think this may be Mr. or Mrs. Right here, this is this person, we're just clicking on every level. It's human nature to want to pin them down and grab them and hold on to them forever in terms of let's get married, let's move in together or whatever it may be. It's like, just take your time, get to know them, get to know all the little idiosyncrasies. And as Rudy says, get to sit back and watch them as shit hits the fan, because it's life, shit happens. And watch them as they either freak out or deal with it constructively. And if they're a freaky-outy kind of guy, then you go, ooh, I don't know about this one. That's a lot of points off the old possible husband meter there.

Yeah, exactly.

Timmy suggests, uh, help tell them to join the frat. That's our DSO fraternity at dsofraternity.com. That's our private group for men. Help them deal with that kind of stuff. We have a lot of guys in the frat that would be categorized as anxious in nature, of which I am one. Maybe not as much as some guys, but I have some anxieties. We all have anxieties. It's a very human thing. My past is I was a pretty anxious young man, and that's something I've learned to create a daily prescription for life, if you will, to help deal with that. A lot of that is exercise and talking to people like Rudy and doing things to calm down and doing things to keep, you know, time to myself. And those kind of things are very important to me.

Absolutely.

Um, so he needs to figure out what his little prescription is. We're all different. Some guys, it's they go out and hunt animals and kill little furry things and they feel better. Others are, you know, read a book. It's all over the place. Um, Honey says, I try to calm down— whoa, it jumped on me— I try to calm down the situation. I do tell him, and for the most part he works it out. And it's not like he falls apart. You can see it wears on him and his shoulders. Well, so, um, honey, now you're kind of backtracking into— nah, he's, he's kind of normal-ish behavior. So does this honey kind of point to maybe your tendency to not be able to cope when you see your dude not doing too well? That's a very common problem amongst a lot of women, is, uh, when I see my man in a weakened condition, there's kind of a repulsive kind of feeling in me. I feel bad for him, fellow human being, who, you know, we've all experienced that. But when I see my man kind of falling apart Oof. Yeah, I don't know.

They lose respect for him.

Yeah, I— and they hate to say that because it makes them sound like a witch. And, uh, there's a chorus of men online that tell them that, like, um, yeah, you're a horrible human being for thinking badly about your spouse when he's going through hard times. And, um, no, I think more constructive is, hey, it's normal to feel that way, but what are you going to do with that information? Are you going to dump them? Are you going to try and deal with it on your own, plus work through it with him. That's called being married. Welcome to being in a relationship with another human. It ain't so easy. Uh, Bill says, I appreciate you both, and I wish I had both of your counsel when my first marriage failed. I'm just now dealing with those unresolved issues 13 years later. I've been following Ralph first and really connected with Rudy through your support. I am actively working on my past and anxiety.

Awesome. All we can do. Yep. Awesome.

You did. Yeah. What more can you do? What more can you do? Um, and Honey says, I just don't know how to support him is the issue. Uh, well, beyond, hey, I'm here for you, what can I do for you, buddy? And the occasional, hey, um, get your act together. What you just said and did there, Mr. Man, is no good. You need to go get help with that. What more can you do? And, uh, two or more codependent types, that's tough. They're like, no, no, I, I I need to do more than that. I gotta fix this. I can't sit back and watch the man or woman upset. I gotta fix this like now. And then you become very anxious and very clingy, and that's not good. If that's in fact you, honey, if you see some of yourself in that, it's okay to let him go a little bit. Let him work on his own stuff. And unless it gets really unhealthy and it's bad for everybody and he's breaking shit and running around all over the place or whatever.

I'm curious how old he is. So like, are these young adults or these people 30s, because young adults I can kind of understand. Like, uh, maybe his parents didn't let him, let him grow up a little bit. Like, let him go, let him figure out on his own. I'm curious because again, every parent you sell is different, but I don't know, there's, there's something there. But again, it's not your job to kind of calm down every situation that comes about. That's just going to get exhausting after 10 years or 5 years of marriage. You don't want that.

Yeah, and, uh, eventually you'll, you'll grow tired of being the Miss Fixer. And in fact, the irony is no one asked you to be Miss Fixer. And then you grow resentful of him for you having to be Miss Fixer. And he'll just come back. So yeah, I didn't ask you to fix anything. Just leave me alone. And away you go. Christine says, I think with the quote, the change, which I'm not sure, do you mean getting older, like a hormonal change? Men emotional control becomes challenging. There's less patience for everything. I think as both people, men and women, get older, we lose our patience. Um, that's something I've noticed in myself.

Very intolerant of, uh, well, I have patience for like those I love, but I'm intolerant when it comes to stupid. Like, if it's just idiotic stupid, and there's a lot of stupid out there, yeah, I just walk away. I don't have time to— I don't have no energy to waste on you. But when it comes to kids, babies, there's more patience with me there. So I don't know, I guess that depends on who you're delivering the patients with.

A lot of, uh, easily stressed out, anxious types basically take on and take ownership of all the stupid around them or whatever. So what, like, uh, and this is a very man thing, you know, somebody will come up to him and say 2 2 5, and the man's like, now I got to get out a whiteboard and show you why you're wrong and write it all out and blah blah. Well, you've been, if you've been around for a while and you matured to the point where I'm with Rudy on this. I just go, uh-huh, 2 2 is 5. All right, buddy, well, you know, it's been nice knowing you. Yeah, have a good one. You don't care. It's not a big deal. Let people be stupid on their own time. You just, you just don't want it in your world. Yeah. And that's something that, um, with time I've come to appreciate. And Christine says, yes, with andropause. Andropause meaning his testosterone levels are going down as he ages. So, oh wow. So we're assuming, Christine, that his his testosterone is going down. I don't know if you've medically verified that or just assuming. And, um, he's becoming less patient with everything. Um, yeah, pretty common thing with older people. So you have to, uh, you know, crotchety old man or grumpy woman. That's the thing, right?

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

It's a stereotype for a reason. So, um, I don't know, you want to get them on some some testosterone. There's some negatives to that, such as he's going to be a virile younger man, so to speak, as far as his biology is concerned. He's going to be all over you. He's going to be probably more aggressive. Um, he may be less patient even if he makes his testosterone go way up. I don't know. So I wouldn't necessarily blame it just solely on andropause, meaning testosterone goes down. Um, so here's to Honey. She's talking about her man. You asked earlier how old he said he is. Older.

Okay.

He is a very strong, independent person for the most part. When I see him struggling with situations, I feel like I need to help him, but I don't know how. I also don't want to be annoying him with what's wrong or just leave him alone and make it seem like I don't care. That's the, that's the, um, what's the word? Um, that's a very common sentiment from codependent, anxious-y types. How much do I fix? Because if I don't fix and I pull back, he's going to think I don't care about him. And if he thinks I don't care about him, the, the, the, the source of all this is this underlying foundation of I'm afraid of losing him.

I think so. Yeah, I can see that.

If I don't help, I may lose. If I do help too much, I may lose. So that's really the source of everything. And that's not a good place to be, honey. If you're secure in yourself and he's securing himself, you're just like, I'm just giving you your time. What's wrong with like overtly announcing it? I see something's bothering you. I'm gonna give you some time alone. If you need me, I'm over here. What's wrong with that? I think probably, honey, if you said that, you'd still be— I don't know if that was enough. That may not— I mean, he may be mad at me for doing that. And maybe he wants me to help. Maybe he wants me to— maybe he wants me sexually. Maybe he wants this. Maybe he wants that. I don't know. And sometimes you just gotta keep them at arm's length and just say, do your thing, buddy. You know, I see you're going through something. I'm here if you need me. Seems kind of simple, but sometimes that's the— the right answer is the simplest one. Yep. Yeah. Anything else, people, before we wrap her up here? It's about an hour.

Hour went by fast.

Yes, they always do, don't they? Yeah, time flies. You're having fun.

Hey, there you go, said the same thing.

Yeah, same thing. And then she says, I'm a recovering codependent, unfortunately. Well, there you go. So that's kind of your— yeah, that's your fallback. That's what you're used to. So of course that's going to be your knee-jerk reaction. And we have the same thing. You hear these guys talking about, I'm a recovering Mr. Nice Guy, I'm a former Mr. Nice Guy. And a lot of women hear that like, what the fuck's wrong with being nice? No, it's another word. It's another word for codependent. So that means they're just bending over backwards to try and fix everything with the relationship. And these guys are saying, I need to get past that and, and not do that so much anymore. A lot of men can relate to exactly what you're talking about, honey. Like, exactly, exactly. Just flip the genders. It's not a gendered thing by any means. I've heard it a million times. Uh, before we hang her up, anything else to promote, Rudy? And you have any live streams or anything cool coming up for tomorrow, Halloween?

Uh, no, I'm actually going to be full just getting the house ready, getting the candy ready, and just, uh, all— I actually announced on my podcast last week that I was going to take a week or so off just to prep for Halloween because this is just my time to enjoy with the family. And also no live stream this week, um, no content other than the movie page, but everything's going to go back up, uh, next week once, uh, you know, holidays are over. This is kind of like my Christmas in a way, so I'm treated like my Christmas holiday. So next week I'll start going live again, and I'd love to have you back on as well. And, uh, I want to ask you, I want to do like a panel of just nothing but men like you and a few others and just talk about some of the issues that I'm seeing, because I know we're going off right now, but I'm just really concerned with a lot of young men who are just quitting on giving up on women and giving up on marriage. And I understand that you had a bad experience, but this growing resentment and just like, no, I don't want to deal with all that— I'm like, well, okay, but just giving up on women and giving up on marriage is just so unhealthy. And promoting that and then, and telling other men, yes, don't get married, and promoting that to keep men down— I don't like that. So I would like to talk to you and other men about that.

Yeah, that's a very, uh, deep issue for sure to dive into. It's a lot of little, uh, you know, tentacles to that octopus for sure. Yeah, I was talking to Lauren the Dadvocate about that, and, uh, one little stat before we hang her up here that I saw that surprised me is, um, they did a survey and it was something like 45% of young men— it was like age 18 to 30, something like that— have never ever, ever approached a woman in any way. To say, hey, my name's Rudy, how are you, blah blah.

Yeah, never.

And so the question is why, what's going on? Because that's the beginning of the vast majority of relationships. Men pursue, woman receives, you know, the little mating dance. But if that doesn't start, well shit, no wonder we have so many. And then we have like giant chunk of men saying never had sexual relations and I'm not pursuing it. And yeah, there's definitely something going on.

It's funny you mentioned the 18 to 29 because that's actually the largest demographic of consumers on OnlyFans in the world. So maybe there's a correlation there. I don't know.

There is a, there is a hypothesis of, uh, we're sedating men. Give them a little dose of porn, give them a dose of video games, give it— it's like these artificial means of pushing buttons in men that before, pre-video game, pre-porn, it was go talk to that girl, try and get in the pants, go start a fistfight, right? Or go to war or whatever to get that aggression out. And you— but now it's— we're, um, yeah, it's a very interesting topic. I like to say a deep one. Yeah, how to do that, a panel of men virtually. I'll let you handle that one. That sounds like a logistics.

Yeah, I'll figure that out. Yeah, yeah, I figured that. I got that. Don't worry about it.

A bunch of men talking, a bunch of know-it-all men talking over each other. That should be interesting. But yeah, that sounds, sounds interesting for sure. Um, so cool. Enjoy your Halloween. My last question to you, your absolute favorite horror movie of all time. Go.

Oh my God. Oh, Return of the Living Dead, the movie that's behind me, the zombie '80s movie from 1985. I know it's cheesy and corny, but that's my favorite.

That was that one set in the mall, or no?

No, that was, uh, Day of the Dead. Uh, that's this Dawn of the Dead. Actually, this is Return of the Living Dead. It's where the punk rockers are in a zombie— or in a cemetery, and it starts raining this acid fluid and they regenerate. Great soundtrack. It's one of my favorites, so that's why I have it right in the middle right there.

Is it one of your favorites? It sounds kind of cheesy. Is it one of your favorites for the campiness of it, for the—

is it the fun of it, or is it legitimately like, no, it's a really good It's, it's, it's good in the '80s campy sense, and that, if that makes any sense. I saw it when I was a kid, so there's some nostalgia there, plenty of nostalgia. But it's also, it holds well because I showed my 17-year-old son and he loved it. It holds up and it, it does what it's supposed to do. It just gives you frights and laughs, and, uh, it's just a fun movie to revisit. So that's my favorite.

My favorites, for purely for nostalgia and holy shit awfulness, was The Exorcist.

Oh yeah, that's tough to sit through as a parent now.

Seeing that as a kid and just like, I can't believe what— there are scenes in there where I can't believe they got away with that.

Like in '73, that's almost 50 years.

The crucifix scene, the girl does something with the crucifix and I'm like, they left that in?

Wow.

But, uh, seeing that as a kid, yeah, yeah, forget it. So, but that, that left its mark of, yeah, that was— that's a big one. Um, So anyway, and guys, check it out, dadstartingover.com. Follow me on all the social media. Men, you need some fellow men in your life, check out the DSO fraternity, dsofraternity.com. Live meetings and a whole bunch more. So look forward to seeing you guys there, and thank you, Rudy, so very much. Appreciate you, buddy. Keep up the good work.

Thank you, sir. You too.

All righty, and we're signing off. Thank you, everyone.