Join Ralph (DSO) and SummerXXX LIVE!

And it says we are live. Before we get blabbing away, I'm going to confirm by checking out Facebook here. That's always my go-to confirmation that all is well in this streaming world. And one moment, please. Oh, not yet. There's a bit of a lag too. There we go. We are good. Let me shut that off.

Awesome.

Welcome everyone. Howdy do, Ralph Brewer Brewer Brewer here from help4men.com. Check out help4men.com, our private group, the HFM Brotherhood. You're watching this on Dad Starting Over. I have Dad Starting Over. I've been doing content creation under the Dad Starting Over name for, shoot, years and years now. I've been doing Dad Starting Over thing for about a decade now, writing and so forth, but pumping out videos and all that good stuff for the last several years. And every now and then I do a live stream and I'd like to bring on a special guest and somebody that's interesting, intelligent, and can bring some good conversation to the matter. And with me today is Miss Summer. And Summer reached out to me here not too long ago and said, this is my story. I would love to collaborate in some way. And I said, this makes perfect sense. Absolutely. Let's chat. Let's bring you to my audience. This will be a good discussion. So I will, Summer, who the heck are you? What do you do? And tell us about yourself.

Well, um, I am what they call, I guess, a phone sex operator, for lack of a better term. And yes, that still exists in the world. I've been a phone sex operator for almost 14 years. They call us, you know, femdoms, dominant, virtual dominant, content creator, fetish model, goddess. And I found you a few months ago, maybe 6 months ago. And I liked the content that you were putting out because it resonated with me in all the things that I hear in my industry. I would say approximately 95% of my— I like to call them my guys instead of my clients because it just sounds nicer, but they're married, about 95% of them. So I get to hear everything that you're hearing, it just in a different way, you know. So I reached— I was kind of subtle over the last several months. I would comment like, "Oh, I like what you're doing. We should collaborate." And then the other day, the other day I went hard with it. And that got you immediately.

That got my attention.

Like within 5 minutes. Yes.

Yes. And so here recently, I say recently, past year or so, you started a podcast called Your Beloved Husband, right? Right. And as the title implies, when you say Your Beloved Husband, it seems that the target audience is— at least that was the intention— was women.

And that was my goal.

Correct me if I'm wrong, it was with the intention of, hey, I've been doing this work as a phone sex operator for so many years, I've learned a lot of things about men and what goes on, you know, between the ears and what gets them going. And I'm hearing some of the deficiencies in the, the sexual relationship with their wives, so I'm creating this content. Wives out there, women out there, to teach you a thing or two about what I know after working with men so closely and intimately for so long. And well, Summer, what was the reaction from the ladies?

There wasn't much of one. It started off good. You know, it wasn't like— I wanted to get the word out there, but I wasn't obviously cramming it down people's throats. I think I had like 14 episodes in a year. It was kind of like a a little hobby, but something that I was passionate about. And it was about, you know, education in general, sexual health, protecting ourselves, intimacy, relationships. It was about all kinds of things that I thought that women could benefit from. But over the last year, and specifically the last few months, because I can see all my analytics, thank goodness, it's all men. Men are the only ones listening, and so I've kind of The last episode is called "Guys Girl." And, I think I'm going to take your advice, Ralph. I think I'm going to take your advice and restructure everything and have a podcast that's more kind of for everyone with general information about health and wellness and not just about sex. I think putting myself in that little box inadvertently, you know, made it not nearly as fun especially when I wasn't reaching the the ladies. I wanted to really— I wanted to open up some lines of communication and I was willing to bring up the hard topics in hopes that they would hear it, maybe even listen as a couple and work through some stuff or become a little more adventurous in the bedroom or at least talk about wants and desires. But it didn't happen at all.

Did you get any overt negative feedback from women like this? What the hell are you doing? This isn't—

Basically, no, no, no feedback at all, really. I thought that because I, I'm on Spotify also, and I thought that my comments just weren't on, but they were on. They're on, just nobody was saying anything. Not the men, not the women, not anything good or bad, really, just nothing.

Well, that's, uh, Disheartening.

It is disheartening.

Is that enough though? Do we have enough evidence to show, you know, a lot of men hearing this will take the next step and say women just don't care. I mean, this is just further evidence that as far as sexual relationships are concerned, can you blame them? Yeah. Do we have enough evidence as far as you're concerned to jump to that conclusion?

That's why I'm jumping ship, Ralph.

Yeah. Yeah.

That's why I'm the guys girl now. Um, yeah, I think that there is plenty of evidence that show that women don't just don't care that much. But not only that, it's a matter of, you know, I get it, things change, pregnancy changes things, marriage, you know, all of the things that change our drive and our needs towards our partner. But what I'm finding is that when women for whatever reason decide or whatever happens that they don't want to have sex anymore, It's not like that's a discussion where it's like, okay, but you can still get your needs met, or we're gonna figure out something for you because just because my needs are shut off now does not mean that you're gonna have to suffer for the rest of your life. But it seems like that's kind of what women expect is that now I'm done, so you're done too.

And why do you think that is?

Selfishness. I guess, you know, on the other side of this, this coin though, I think menopausal women, premenopause, um, is definitely something that, you know, triggers all of, all of these changes. But, you know, as a woman trying to get care from our doctors is also very tricky. Having a doctor that will listen and not just dismiss you. So there are, there are, there's two sides to this. But I think if you value the importance of your intimacy with your partner, then you're gonna find a way. You're gonna figure it out. And men also being supportive to a woman during whatever changes she's encountering and not being, you know, just selfish about it, I think is big. But all of this requires communication. And people don't seem to want to talk all that much about it.

It is the more you dive into it, and this is a common issue, as you've seen from my material. I mean, if there's material of mine that really moves the needle, it's anytime I talk about sex and marriage. And anytime I talk about sex and marriage from the perspective of men saying, I'm not just getting nearly enough, if any, within my marriage, and I'm extremely frustrated, I'm downright depressed over this. A lot of men raise their hand and say, whoa, me too. I didn't— I thought I was alone in all this. And I've sold a lot of books on the topic, The Dead Bedroom Fix, for those that don't know. The third edition just came out July of this year, and it's been my biggest seller by far. It eclipses all the other books combined. So it's a huge deal.

It is.

And then when you start— and when you start digging into what the heck is going on here, what's the, the cause of this, there is no one cause. It's a multifaceted thing. There's the biological thing, the hormonal aspect of it after childbirth. There's this cultural thing as well, and that's something we can get more into. I don't know how best to, to categorize it or to label it, but there is kind of a cultural theme, if you will, of— and again, my biased perspective as a dude hearing a lot of men— I've put out material that kind of confirms this. Um, I don't know how else to say it other than a predominant thought of if I don't want to do that, I really shouldn't have to, and he should be really cool with it. On top of that, maybe like even at a higher level, I as the woman am told, um, I need to improve XYZ, whatever it may be. I've done material where I say a man will come up to the woman and say, there's, there's something about your appearance that I don't find very attractive anymore. You've gained a lot of weight, or you're not taking care of yourself. This isn't the woman I married. I'm worried about you, but this can't continue on. And when I pose that question to men, most men say, okay, if it's something I can fix, I'll definitely fix it. I'll get back to the gym. Yay, raw, go, go me. While the women say, you know, you can go fuck yourself. And then we did, you know, a video about attitude, same kind of reaction. I shouldn't have to change anything. You, husband, are the reason I have a bad attitude, so maybe you need to change. Okay, well, that's not good. And then we did a video of just in general that there's just something about you that I'm not quite so attracted to anymore. I didn't say exactly what, just something. Women again saying, I don't really have to change at all. So there's a cultural thing. I don't know how best to describe that. And when you ask the ladies, when you try to empathize and say, what's going on? Usually the answer is, I am so overwhelmed. Life is just so much weight on my shoulders as a woman, the mother, I'm working full-time. The majority of the domestic duties falls on my shoulder, whether that's technically true or not. That's how they feel, which— how they feel is everything. And for someone to come up to me and saying, you are deficient in whatever it may be, just makes me feel even worse. And I would hope I don't have to hear that from my husband. So when I do hear that from my husband, I'm not happy with this, especially when it comes to the sex thing, something that I just naturally, as overwhelmed woman, don't have a lot of desire for anymore. 'Go fuck yourself' seems to be the predominant thought, or response rather, and it sucks.

But if women were truly okay with the man going and fucking himself, that would be great. But I don't think that they are okay with that, with, you know, views towards pornography and women like me who offer a service for such things. Women, from what I can tell— I also belong to a lot of women's groups on Facebook, and that's where I get a lot of my content for my podcast, and I, you know, run polls, things like that. Most of them don't want their partners watching porn, whether or not they're having sex together or not. They think that literally they will just specifically say, if I don't want sex, if I am done with sex, my partner is done with sex too. Forever.

That seems to be— that seems to be the predominant thought that I see from people in strict monogamous relationships. If one of us And it's usually the woman, not always. There, in fact, there's a growing population of women that are complaining, my husband doesn't want me anymore, what's going on? That's a whole other issue, but we're sticking to the, sticking to the majority, which seems to be woman shuts it down. You're right, most of them will say, oh no, he's not going to go get it elsewhere, what the hell? Not even from a, um, oh, what's the word, non-human form such as a two-dimensional image on a screen? No. Toys, implements, whatever. No, no, no, no, and no. Um, and again, if you— okay, ladies, what's going on here? Is it just out of spite? You do just want to see the man suffer? No. When you drill down into it, it is because I fear that if he takes that step towards intimacy— maybe that's the wrong word— connection with someone or something else, whatever it may be, he will see that there's no use for me and the family will disintegrate, and I'll be, I'll be alone. And I want to keep this family machine running, even if that means forcing him to be a eunuch. That's, that's what it takes. The family machine comes before everything. Selfish, but in their mind, the opposite of selfish. It's, no, I'm thinking of the bigger picture of the family unit. And, uh, it doesn't go well typically.

Yeah, well, I mean, and if it's like specifically for the family unit, unit, once that the family is is grown and, you know, the empty nest, then it's— I mean, really, it's kind of just postponing the inevitable, right?

Exactly.

And not only that, but the husbands and the wives who in some cases are going to disconnect way before all of that, and either they're going to be actually cheating or they're going to be virtually cheating, or, you know, they're going to be getting their needs met. I think that women assume that if they withhold from their husbands or men in general, that they'll just be abstinent But no, they're gonna get their needs met one way or another. They're going to, and they should, in my opinion.

In my opinion as well. I mean, we're human beings for goodness sakes, and we have needs. And there is also this societal message of shame, which is very impactful for men and women both. Women have felt that for years to suppress their sexuality, that, you know, to do so you are a slut and what other horrible word here to describe overt sexuality in women, but men feel the same, especially when it comes to the very— you are now a strict monogamous creature. Anything that veers towards sexuality and it is not completely directed towards your woman— okay, your woman shut down sexuality, well then, sorry, there's nowhere to direct it then. That's just, that's just how it goes. Um, usually there's a religious component there that I've seen, you know, a lot of very strict Orthodox type Religions will push that.

Definitely.

That's a big component for sure. Or sometimes just societal shame in general. They'll hear it from their mothers and sisters and so forth. You're garbage for looking at that pretty woman that just walked by you. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay, I'll look down at the floor. That's a shaming of sexuality. I've talked about that in plenty of my videos where my wife and I, our relationship is such that not only am I not shamed for going, oh wow, did you see that that walked by us? But my wife will give me the elbow and say, did you see what, what walked by us? And people are like, holy shit, Ralph Brewer, are you serious? I'm like, really? That's weird. It's like, yes, because the sexual— the sexuality is supposed to be finely tuned and focused on this one and only this one. It's like, why? Well, usually the, the, their thinking is because there's an inherent insecurity in the relationship. If I see my husband or wife going, oh wow, they're going to run off and screw somebody else and I will lose them forever. It's like, it's kind of a jump in logic, but that's, that's the root of a lot of this. And I don't want to miss questions. They're popping up here on the screen. If I look like I'm distracted, Jack is saying, did I, did I miss the introduction of our guest? Yes. Summer, Summer here. Miss Summer, if you could one more time for those that are just joining us, what is it that you do?

I am a phone sex operator. I also do cam, podcaster. Yes. Yeah, essentially.

And most of the guys— to steer from the word client— most of the guys that you work with are in fact married?

Yes, I would say 95%.

And what percentage of that, of those guys would you say are not pleased with the level of sexual activity within their marriage? Majority, vast majority.

92%. I mean, I do have some guys that are happy with their sex, but then they want to call to tell me about it or, you know, work out a fantasy that they may have, you know, not everyone is complaining that there's no sex at home, but most for sure, most. Yeah.

Is the term sex worker applicable, insulting? I don't want to—

No, it definitely applies. Um, it's such a broad term, you know, it can mean so many things. But yeah, I know, it's— the shoe fits for sure. I'm a sex worker.

I have known in my personal life sex workers in the past. I actually went to high school, believe it or not, with a porn star. She would later become a relatively well-known porn star. And, uh, I've spoken to strippers and everything else, and one thing I hear often from them is this is our line of work. You would think that it attracts just a ton of creepos and everything else, and it does. But there's also a subset of our clientele, which is kind of sad, which is like a stripper will tell you, I got an older guy who comes in and pays me $300 every week, and all he wants to do is sit and hold hands and talk.

Mm-hmm.

And when you, you know, drill into what's going on at home, there's no connection with the wife. She checked out 30 years ago. They just live under— they're a couple of roommates, and he's really missing that connection with another human being. Do you see that? In your line of work as well? Do they become therapy sessions?

Absolutely. Absolutely. It's— I mean, most of it is about sex, but not always. And because I've been doing this for so long, you know, almost 14 years is a very long time, and most of the people that I talk to, I've been talking to since the very beginning. So you, you get a rapport, you know lots of things about them. It is an intimate connection that is real, even even though they're paying by the minute. You can't talk to someone for a decade and not, you know, get to know them and have some sort of intimacy, a connection, like actual real chemistry, which I think that people think it's all just bullshit, but it's not. It's not always bullshit, at least not the way I do it, you know. I like having the connection. I like knowing, um, I was talking to a friend yesterday about all of this and, you know, I like making people feel good. That's what it's about. I'm a dominant, however, so the way I do things is, you know, I direct. But having people experience pleasure and whatever that means to them is exciting for me. Who doesn't want to see somebody feeling good? And I think there's like a, you know, misconception about that too. But Yeah, absolutely. Intimacies can be formed here. And when you're lacking that at home, even just a friendly voice, someone that knows you, someone that understands is really valuable. And so it's not just a service about just jacking off. You know, there's a lot more to it than that. And in the beginning, yeah, it was about, you know, dudes jacking off. But now almost, you know, so, you know, 14 years in, I've seen so much, directed so much. I'm a voyeur, so I like to watch and direct. That's my favorite thing. And it's amazing. I love seeing things that I've never seen before and thinking, oh my God, I bet there's nobody else in the world watching this right now, you know, or not very many other people get to see what I get to see. And it's ever-changing, it's dynamic, it's creative, it's fun. And it can be a lot of things if you let it, if you want it to be. And then the men are able to go back to work, go back to their lives, go back to their families. And keep the peace, but they get their needs met. So it's a win-win.

Very interesting. How in the world, if I may ask, did you get into this line of work?

I was in the medical field for a decade and really wanting to get out of it. I loved it, but it was just— it's hard. And I ran across an ad on Craigslist, and so I responded. And but I talked to— I was married at the time. So I talked to my husband and my friends and my family and said, what do you, what do you think about this? And everybody was like, oh, you'd be so good at that. Because I was always a little, you know, a little dirty, a little kinky, a little open-minded, more open-minded than my friends. And they were right. I mean, I, it was kind of a roundabout way that the Craigslist ad didn't lead anywhere. But then I I sought it out. And within a few days, I was going.

And you have a natural voice for it. Is that something you've worked on or is that something that just comes naturally?

Yeah? No, I just, yeah, it just is what it is. So I got lucky with that, I guess.

You got the good quality microphone I told you at the beginning here.

Yes, this is what I use for my calls actually. This is a corded mic to a landline. So best possible sound quality.

Yeah, it's very good. But we have somebody on the comments saying that you're echoing a little bit. Are there others that are hearing that as well? I do not hear that on my end, any kind of echo. I don't know if that's something I'm doing, she's doing. It sounds perfect to me. So I don't know, they just say they're hearing a little bit of an echo, but it's just one person, so I don't know, maybe it's just okay. And April from Facebook says that she loves you and you are amazing. So There you go. Female fans.

April.

I assume that's towards her, not myself.

If— hey, maybe I love it when the ladies chime in. I'm glad that there's a lady. I mean, what do we have, 27 people watching? Is that— am I reading right? I mean, having one lady, I don't see—

I might— there you go. Very good.

You don't see it?

Oh, Jack has an excellent question from YouTube. How often do couples call in?

I love this question. Not often enough, Jack. Um, I do have a few couples, um, But they didn't start out that way. Over time, I've encouraged these husbands to talk to their wives, get them included. And they have been lucky. And now they call me together, which is great. So over the years, I think I've had 5 couples. That's not very many in the thousands upon thousands of men that I have talked to. But it's better than none.

I thought you're gonna say zero. So that's interesting.

Oh, well, there we go. Yeah, right now I have like 2, 2 active couples call me regularly.

So how does it work with, uh, is— does somebody buy a subscription? Is it a one-at-a-time thing? You know, the old phone sex thing was you called a line and you got— I would assume, I don't know if they charge your credit card, phone bill, or whatever it was. How does it work these days?

Now, well, when I first started, there was kind of mostly just like one spot, and it was called Night Flirt, and that's N-I-T-E-F-L-I-R-T. Um, since then though, there are others. Um, Sex Panther is one. Um, Loyal Fans, OnlyFans, of course, all of these you can, you know, I'm a part of most of those places, but Night Flirt is definitely my, my go-to. That's my big one. That's where I started. That's where I'm the most popular. I have a big following there. Um, and it's by the minute. So, and everybody sets their own prices, but because I've been doing this so long and because I have amazing experience and creativity, I charge $3.99 a minute for the phone and anywhere between $4.39 and $4.99 for cam. And I'm like this. This is exactly what you will see, me just like this. I don't undress. I don't, I say that I'm You know, I'm the puppeteer, they're the puppets.

I see. So it's definitely—

I don't put on a show.

You are definitely the dominant one. And that is your theme. So, and to a point here, the Fight for a Better Now, that's his name on YouTube, he asks, do you help men find their inner dominance? It sounds like no, you are the dominant one, they are the submissive one.

No, no, I would never do that. I mean, I'm sure that maybe there are submissive women out there that can nourish and encourage that, but no, not me. I like submissive men. I like men that do what they're told in this setting, not necessarily in my real life.

I was gonna ask you that. I was gonna say, if I may ask, if that bleeds over into your personal life as well, or is there a strict boundary there between the two?

That's a tricky question. I've always been bold and direct. I guess you could say a little dominant, but with my partners, no, I've never really been dominant unless they kind of like become submissive and force me into that role, which I don't like. I like, I like strong men. But yeah, it does bleed into my real life in the sense that It's a dirty job, you know. It makes some men feel jealous, or inadequate, or, you know, worrisome. A big concern is usually that I'm going to find, you know, a rich older man, and he's gonna steal me away. You know, if I wanted to be a sugar baby, I'd have been a sugar baby already. I'm 45 now, and I, I run this like a business. I'm a professional, but I enjoy it and I still have a ton of fun with it. And if it wasn't, I wouldn't want to do it anymore. If I was burnt out and bitter and jaded, especially jaded towards men and all the things that I've seen and heard over the years, it would be easy to get pissy with men and disgusted by men. But no, I'm trying to date them.

And so, uh, so many good questions are coming to mind as we're talking here. Um, make sure I'm not missing some here. For everyone else says your audio is just fine, so we're good to go there. Now we're seeing some regulars coming on here. Uh, we already mentioned, uh, Jack, Fight for a Better Now. Welcome guys, welcome, welcome. If you guys could, uh, take a moment to give me a like on here, that always helps. That tells the YouTubes and Facebooks of the world that this is something that other people should watch. So give me a like. Give me a follow or subscribe or however it works wherever you're watching this. I would greatly appreciate it. And now back to Miss Summer, who goes by SummerXXX. You may do a search for that on Google, will find you, I assume.

Yes. Well, also there are some SummerXXXs out there that are not me that are doing, you know, like hardcore pornography. You'll be able to tell right away that's not me. But yes, SummerXXX.

Yes. Very good. We talked about shame, and I would assume you run into quite a bit, probably more so in your personal life when people find out what it is you do. I don't know how open you are about that with the real world out there, but I would assume you run into some people that are somewhat turned off, if not fully disgusted by what you do. A lot of prudish people out there.

Ralph Brewer.

And just curious, do you get more of a negative reaction from men or women in that?

Yes.

I would say women probably give you more of a hard time.

Yes, of course they do. Everyone in my life knows what I do. But it wasn't always that way. The first 5, 6 years I hid it. I lied about what I did. Not to everyone, but to certain people for their comfort. I would lie for their comfort, not out of my own shame. I'm proud of what I do. I like what I do, and I like talking about what I do. But yes, women tend to have very strong opinions, especially married women. I've, you know, friends tend to judge me pretty harshly. Actually, a couple of days ago, my ex-father-in-law, so I was married for 14 years, but my ex-father-in-law had never had a Facebook before. And so, I couldn't, you know, couldn't block him ahead of time like I have everyone else in my real life. And so he logged, you know, starts his Facebook page a couple of days ago, and my profile pops up as people he may know. Of course, this is not my real name. So then they called my ex-husband and were like, did you know about this? And of course he knew, we were married when it started. But yeah, it's a little awkward. Do I care at this point? No. I mean, everyone's going to have opinions. I feel like the people that are judging me the harshest are the women that are in sexless marriages. And that just kind of like, you know, you would almost think— proves my point.

Yeah, from a very logical point of view, you almost think they would say like, oh, thank goodness for somebody like Summer, somebody like the guy can— somebody that can redirect his energy over there because obviously I'm not interested. So yes, go to Summer. Yeah, let's think about it. It's somewhat harmless in terms of You're not physically interacting with Summer, you're not going over to her place, you're two-dimensional or over the phone— is it phone or internet or however it works?

Both. I'm— yeah, both. Okay.

Oh, somebody says your echo just came back. I'm not sure why your echo just came.

I haven't moved at all either. I've been trying to be extra careful. Maybe I wonder if I put this up a little bit, does that make a difference?

I don't know, we'll see. We'll see what they say, guys. Let us know if there's ever— and apologize for any Audio problems could be on my end. I don't know what the way these things work. It's a complicated chain of things. There's, there's internet and I got a whole audio thingy over here. Anywho, so, um, but yeah, you would think the ladies would be like, oh, thank goodness for a provider such as Summer. But, you know, going back to the whole thing of, um, why women prevent their men from getting, fulfilling a need elsewhere, it's because they see it as a threat, a threat to the sanctity of the relationship, of the marriage. If he gets his need met elsewhere. And I actually spoke to, um, a psychologist that I know, and they were talking about, um, a tool for, um, resolving dead bedroom situations. And she will instruct both the men and women to abstain from masturbation. She said the women often get carried away with using toys, and it interferes with their ability to achieve an orgasm and want sex with their husband. And husband, he's getting his needs met with the pornography. So guys, both of you should abstain from doing any of that while we work on reconnecting you two. Makes sense on paper. And I said, well, but so could they continue this sexlessness for weeks and months? Oh yeah. Then do you expect the husband to continue abstaining for months into that? Oh yeah, they do. I was like, probably not. They probably do masturbate at some point or whatever. There's the male sex drive is a— it's a big thing. And often, yeah, that's a very— and the psychologist said, well, I have no reason to believe that my male clients are lying to me about that. I said, well, shame is a big, big component. He's not going to tell his female therapist and his wife sitting at a session, no, I just cranked one off right before we came here. No, he's going to say, oh yeah, I'm still abstaining, I'm a good boy.

So the only way to know for sure is to put them in chastity.

There's that. Sure. Yours is a whole world I know nothing about. I just wanna say. Wow.

I mean, I think that like something like that, like mutual masturbation would be good if they did it together and maybe like, but still have their own personal boundaries and their own personal space. But, you know, I know men are visual, but women are visual too. I think that that would be a good fun hot answer.

You know, it's interesting you say the men being so visual. Yeah, that's my first thought as well that we're such visual creatures. You just look around you at the world of pornography and stuff. I'm surprised that the phone sex thing, with the competition of such readily available free visual pornography, visual and audio basically, if we look at it that way, is available to them, that they still come and want to interact with somebody on an audio-only basis. How interesting.

But, um, you know, it's because people are looking for a connection.

You think that provides for a more intimate connection that way?

Absolutely. Yes, definitely. Also, I'm good at what I do. So, you know, I'm good at remembering voices. I'm good at remembering like what we talked about last time, what your kinks may be. All of the things I try to really create like a personalized experience. So when we're together, you feel like I have, you know, you have 100% of my attention and I'm going to remember what we talked about last time because guess what? That's going to make you feel special, right? Like, and that's probably something that your wife doesn't make you feel. It's not just about the sex. It's not just about the orgasm. It's about so much more than that. It's about being heard and understood and not shamed. I think shame is the real reason that I started Your Beloved Husband. And, it's sad to me but I'm also completely desensitized, I'm sure, to a lot of things because of what I do and see. But I'm kind of always in a relationship, almost always, and I'm a damn good partner. And not in spite of what I do, but because of what I do. It definitely makes me a better partner, more sensitive, more sexual. I think people think that if I'm talking sex all day long that I withhold that from my partner. I don't. I love sex. But I think that also it's because of what I do. You know, parts of it are exciting to me, not all of it, realistically, you know, but I mean, when you're kind of have sex on the brain most days and you get to see the kind of things that I get to see, I mean, I think it's only beneficial to my partner.

Primes the pump, as they say. Yeah, get you going.

Yes, exactly.

Which is in part one of the criticisms of pornography. Within a married couple is that if a man takes in pornography, uses pornography, however you want to say it, that that will in turn over-sexualize him and get him worked up to the point where he wants an unrealistic level of sexual activity within his relationship. He needs to temper that to more realistic standards, that maybe even engaging with somebody, somebody like you and your work, may raises libido to a point that is unrealistic. What do you think of that?

I think that's absolutely possible, yes, especially if he's having fun and especially if I'm encouraging it, which of course I'm going to. Yes, yes, it will, it can. Is that a bad thing though? I mean, yes, I mean, I think— well, I mean, realistically, I think that people can You know, masturbation can be addictive. Porn can be addictive. Are these people masturbating 3, 4 times a day? Yeah, I would say that's, you know, excessive. Excessive. Yes, but is it the wife's place to determine what her husband's libido is supposed to be? I mean, if he wants it 5 times a week and she can't keep up, like, I get that. That's not necessarily fair to place all of that pressure on her. I have been with a partner that was more sexual than I am. And it did get to be overwhelming to where I was like, you know, every single one of your orgasms is not my responsibility. And I'm okay with saying that. That means I know he's probably going to take care of business on his own. That's fine. That's masturbation. That's what we do. I don't know why there's so much shame in masturbation other than it's supposed to be like one specific way, and now we have like a million ways to do it. That's I guess where the shame comes in and how you choose to do it. Are you going to use a toy? Oh, that's dirty, you know. Are you going to go buy that toy? What if someone sees you? What if your wife finds it? You know how many guys I have buying toys that throw them away every few months? We're talking thousands of dollars worth of toys going into the dump. Yes, because they get worried. They feel shame. They feel guilt. They're like, oh, what if something happens? What if I die? What if I get in a car accident? What if someone finds these things? So they, they throw them all away. And guess what? A few weeks later, they're repurchasing them all. I call it the binge and purge.

That's a very male thing. I'm sure women have something similar, but that is a very male thing of the, the shame. What is it? How to, how to explain the cycle? Super horny, which leads to certain behaviors. Which after the, the comedown, I don't know what you call it, but the refractory period, the refractory period of shame, the shame of like, what have I done? And then, okay, I'm horny again, back to behavior that's kind of out there. And sometimes that behavior leads them down not so good roads and a lot of shame involved. But then that shame, you know, goes to such boilerplate human behavior such as masturbation and so forth, or even looking at the opposite sex. Now we're getting into very prudish stuff, which is the antithesis of healthy sexuality. There's a middle ground there somewhere.

Well, there's lots of prudes out there.

So, that there are.

They apparently don't need sex. I can't imagine.

Have you traveled quite a bit internationally?

Not enough, but I'm going to in about a year from now. I have big plans to do like a 6-month trip.

Oh, where are you going? Do you know?

All over. I think I'm going to start in Thailand. That whole area is my plan, yeah. And I want to be able to, you know, supposedly I can work from anywhere, but I haven't really done that yet. So I'm going to—

You want to see the world. Interesting. I brought that up because there does seem to be this stereotype of Europe, for example, being more sexually liberal in a lot of ways. And my family's from Europe, from Spain. My mother's from Spain. So I remember going to Spain as a kid. And being almost traumatized by nudity on the television, you know, in the middle of the day. I'm like, what is this? And they all laughed their butts off, like, look at the little American prudest boy laughing about boobs on TV. And they're like, it's nothing, who cares about all this stuff? And you would see it on the, on the buses and everything else. It was just sexuality was out there, and it in turn was no big deal. And in turn, I don't know if it's related or not, probably something like teen pregnancy rates way lower than what we had in our way more prudish America and so forth. So just curious if you saw any difference or if you have maybe clientele, guys, that come from over there, maybe you notice a difference in clientele.

I do talk to lots of people all over the world, but not consistently enough or all in the same spot to like really get any kind of a trend pattern from anyone. Most of my calls come from the United States and I would say 80 to 90%, even more, probably 90%, come from the East Coast, which is odd, kind of, but it always has been. Always has been the East Coast. It's been where all my guys are.

Is there a— can you boil the demographic down even further? Any other specifics that you notice?

New York.

New York, yeah.

New York is a big one. Yes, a lot of calls come from New York. I think it's partly because like there's money, lots of money there, a lot of, you know, high population. Uh, they're busy, they're stressed, they want something like quick, fast, in a hurry, so they'll just pay a professional, just get it done.

Any other, uh, religious, uh, boy, that's— we're going down some roads people may be very uncomfortable with, but are there any trends is the word I'm looking for, trends in terms of, you know, I really, unless it comes up naturally, I don't ask.

It doesn't really matter to me. I do know that that obviously comes some more shame. Mormons, Mormons. I do have Mormons that are my, I would consider to be some of my more naughty guys. Speaking of which, I have to give a little shout out real quick to Becky. Okay, that's all right.

Becky, I almost forgot, you promised a shout out to Becky. There you go.

Yes, Becky is one of my sissies, and, uh, it's a man. Oh, his name is Becky now.

Yeah, so that's, I'm sure, a whole other—

he's a favorite.

So, okay, well, all right, we got a couple questions here that I missed. Um, sure. Uh, do you have any books? He wants to know. Have you written any books by any chance?

I have not. Oh, that's an obvious thing. I've considered turning— It's a what?

That's an obvious avenue to explore, I think, of the stories you must have.

Yeah, and everyone says I should write a book. I've sat down to try to write a book, but there's just so much. I don't even know where to start. I've considered, once I got more podcasts, maybe turning those, you know, that into a book. But I don't really know exactly where my podcast is gonna land at this point. But no, I don't have a book.

I told you this off air, I guess you could say, and I'll share this with everybody else that my advice to you was there is a giant market for women speaking in a very pro-male or at least not anti-male somewhat sympathetic to the male condition point of view. Combine that with, combine that with your comfortability with sexuality, your overt sexuality. It's a no-brainer for me. YouTube channel, podcast called Guys Gals, what I suggested to you. I think you could just write your ticket. I think that would be a huge success for you.

And I think I'm working on the Guys Girls thing. Um, I'm trying to change my podcast name. I don't want to start over from scratch. That was when you said that. I'm like, I don't think I have enough gas in the tank to start over again. But I do, I will, and I want to. I'm going to, but it's going to be just so much more diverse kind of content, just wellness in general, not just sexual, and not just for the ladies that, you know, don't want to hear it anyway. But I did like your advice. It was good advice, and I think I'm going to run with that.

The men love to hear from the ladies, as you know, especially when it comes to this topic.

When I'm on their side, that's, that's what they love the most. Can't hurt, right?

That's right. And another question here, uh, curious, did your attention and behaviors towards your partner's sexual needs change from before you started the work to now? And what have you learned?

Wow, that is a great question. Um, like I said, I was married when I started this, originally, you know, 14 years ago. And we didn't know exactly what it meant, me getting into this industry. Like, I didn't know that cam was going to be an option. I didn't do cam back then. I didn't do cam for like 6 years. The first 6 years I didn't. I didn't use my own photos either the first 6 years.

Oh, wow.

I used— I paid for someone else's photos. It was like an older an older woman that looked a little bit haggard, but that's beside the point.

Interesting.

Tell me the question again.

So, your behaviors towards your partners sexually.

Oh, yes, that. When I was married, my husband and I met when we were about 21. So, we were pretty young and kind of exploring ourselves anyway at that age. But, you know, as you do, you get into kind of a things just kind of click along at a normal pace which ends up being, you know, sex once or twice a week, you know, a standard marriage is what we had. But the oral part of it, on my behalf, giving oral was something I was never very interested in at all. And because he knew I didn't like it, it was something that he didn't ask of me. This was great. I didn't have to do it. But then after, you know, maybe 4 or 5 months of phone sex, I realized like, this actually is kind of hot. Like I talked about it so much and hearing the men's reactions to this was exciting for me. And I'm like, you know, maybe I could, I could probably give this a second chance. Like, you know, let's give this a go. So And I was exploring myself sexually. I was 32, so I was like barely hitting my sexual prime and all of this new information and all these things I wanted to try. And so I was down to give oral like a good shot. And I went all out. Ponytail, the whole, all the works. Like, you had a bad day, sweetie? Oh, sit down, drop to my knees kind of a thing. I mean, I was, I was there for it. And I did that about 2 or 3 times over the period, maybe a couple weeks. And his exact words were, "I think I liked it better when you didn't like it so much." Ouch. Wow. Yes. So, yeah, it did change, but I don't think it necessarily changed for the better. I think it made him insecure.

Yeah. Interesting.

I get that it would make a man insecure. I totally understand that, having a woman do what I do. I'm not so dense that I can't imagine that. I'm a reasonable person, you know. But he didn't have the maturity, I don't think, to like handle it. And so, yeah, we went kind of different paths and shortly after ended up getting a divorce. I think we were together for— well, I was in this career 4 years, I think, or so before we ended up getting a divorce. It was not because of my career though. He didn't care what I was doing really, as long as I was making good money. Money, money, money. That's what it was about for him.

So I see.

So yeah.

And in this line of work does pay well, I assume?

It definitely can. Yes. I mean, I'm not, you know, unfortunately, I'm not taking calls 8 hours a day. So when I say I make $160,000 $160 an hour on just a phone call. That's great, but I'm not on the phone 8 hours a day. It's hit and miss, and not every call is an hour. You know, I might have 10 calls that are 10 minutes long in one day. You know, you don't— 10 minutes each, not 10 minutes total. That would be horrible. But it's just hit and miss. You never know. I turn my calls on and kind of, you know, you're at the mercy of the people. I mean, you can chat and you can like try to drum up business. I'm not good at that. It's not really my thing. I don't send a lot of mass messages and fill up people's— I think it's just because I'm older. I don't want to be irritating. Like if I'm irritating people, they're not going to want to call me because I've pissed them off. So yeah, I'll do a little bit of chatting. Obviously, I make content, so I'm writing scripts making goodies, doing editing, all kinds of stuff throughout the day. But yeah, the money can be good. Some days are better than others.

I would also think if the dominant thing is your theme, to reach out and constantly solicit for people to come to you kind of goes against that whole dominant thing.

Exactly. It looks like desperate and beggy. And I see other women doing it because I see these women like I'm, you know, get into their mass mailer somehow and they're sending 2, 3 messages a day. All that does is kind of screw everything up for all of us because now these men have, you know, 1,000 messages a day. Of course, they're not looking at them because it's just flooded with trash. And that's part of the reason I don't do that because if someone sees a message from me, they know it's going to be something good because I don't send them junk mail every day. So. It's just, you know, difference of style and how we do things.

But I would also think marketing-wise it would make sense to go in the other direction of, I'm only accepting clients from this day to this day. This is the window I'm accepting new clients. After that, sorry, you've missed your chance. I would think you would see a flood of guys coming in so they can reserve their spot, so to speak.

Um, I mean, I'm not available 24/7, you know, that's for damn sure. I'm usually available like around noonish, you know, Oregon time, to 5ish. That's about my schedule. Sometimes I'll come back in the evenings if I'm, if I feel like it. But it already is kind of a relatively small window. But that's, those are the hours also that work best for me having clients on the East Coast. So if I'm on at, you know, 6 AM, I'm not gonna get any calls. If I'm on at 10, even same thing, like 10 AM is, you know, 1 o'clock there. So it's not like apparently like, you know, prime jerk-off time.

I was thinking, I was thinking of it in terms of like a membership, like join, pay me so much, so much a month, and then you can get so many minutes or hours per month. But I'm only taking, you know, so many clients in the next month. So all kinds of possibilities here.

My business brain, I mean, I do have an OnlyFans, which is subscription basis. That's kind of like what you're saying a little bit. But, um, but personally, I don't like OnlyFans. Don't follow me on OnlyFans. Honestly, I don't, I don't want followers on OnlyFans. I do have a few. I've weeded it down. But now that I'm dating in this area, I'm getting more followers, which I hate. But, um, I don't like OnlyFans because they don't protect us against chargebacks. I'll say it out loud publicly. Every other site that I'm on— Night Flirt, Sex Panther, all of them they protect us against chargebacks. Do you know what a chargeback is, right?

Yeah, I've paid you, now I want my money back. Yeah, gotcha.

Yes, and I provide you a service, but you still get to pull that, no questions asked. OnlyFans just takes it right out of our money owed to us. Yes, so I don't feel like sharing my money with them if they— and then it has happened to me, obviously. So yeah, I don't like supporting that kind of a business. There are other places I would rather take money.

Yeah. Before we wrap up, I want to go back to the original theme, which was when you started your podcast. For those that just joined us, Summer started a podcast called Your Beloved Husband, which was aimed at women to basically help teach women some of the things that she had learned over the years after working as a phone sex operator. Operator, is that the right term? Phone sex worker?

Yeah.

And all the things that she's learned after talking in intimate ways with so many men. And so she started this podcast, basically, here's some advice, uh, be a better wife, connect better with your husband. And the reaction wasn't the best in the world, a whole lot of nothing. So let's pretend you do have an audience, a captive audience, an auditorium full of women right now are watching you. Do you have some like key points that you would say, ladies, here's what you need to understand about, about men sexually, in relationships, whatever it may be?

Do you have some You know, the video that made me respond to you so like aggressively the other day was the one where this woman is being interviewed and the interviewer says, you know, are you married? And she's like, yeah. And he goes, is he happy? And she was stunned that someone asked if her husband was happy. She's like, oh, that's a weird question. Usually they ask if I'm happy. I think that people should communicate better. I think that women need to start communicating with their husbands, and not just that, but allowing their husband— both sides, obviously. I think men are a little more open-minded because they just want it. But I think both sides need to communicate more and in a non-judgmental way where there's not going to be all this criticism and shame. I think that once you start shaming someone sexually, they're just going to shut down and they're going to do it without you. Whatever that means, and it can mean a lot of things. So, why not open up the— I mean, if it's already bad, right? How much worse can it get if you're not gonna put yourself out there and at least try asking your husband like, "Do you have fantasies?" You know, like imagine like what that could— if two people are talking about what their fantasies are, things they'd like to explore. I mean, I guess it could go south, actually. I'm thinking of some things. But generally speaking, I think people just want connection and they want to be heard and they want to be seen and they want intimacy and a place without shame. I mean, I don't think that that should be like, you know, that should be not the exception. It should be the rule.

Here, I'll play the part of the wife listening to that. But Summer, what if I don't want to do that?

Well, then I would expect you to have conversations about that and how your man is going to get his needs met, because he's going to. So he can either get them met with you and you guys can do it as a team, as a couple, or he can do it behind your back. But either way, he's going to do it.

One of my standard lines is, The world of pornography, which is so prevalent now, sex workers, the world's oldest profession, those things exist for a reason, guys. They are a response to the demand. The demand is there, and, uh, it's always going to be there. And how you, you as a couple, pointing to the women specifically, how you choose to, uh, deal with that It says everything. If you choose to deal with that as a nuisance and push them away, there's these— that's why those avenues exist. A lot of men been pushed away by their significant other for those very reasons. A lot of shame-based and everything else. Um, oh, Fight for Better Now asks, is the podcast, your podcast, still running? Yes, uh, do a search for Your Beloved Husband on Spotify. You'll find it on Spotify. Um, you also need to put it out there on the Apple podcast. Have you not done that? I think I did a search. Well, I find it—

I, I started on Podbean because I knew that they would accept not safe for work content. I was, I was fearful about starting something and being shut down because that happens to me pretty much constantly. Yeah, I put work and time and energy into something only for it to be censored and censored and censored. So I started with Podbean because I was told that they would allow not safer word content. And from there, I'm on Spotify and it seems to be okay. I don't know what the exact rules or ratings are allowed to be, but I must be flying under the radar at least. So yes, I think I'm going to move from Podbean to just Spotify and probably get Apple involved too, but I'm working on changing the name from Your Beloved Husbands to Guys Girl. So very good.

Yeah, the vast majority of my podcast traffic is Apple. That's why I asked. So I get a very small—

good to know.

Yeah, yeah, it's like 90-some percent or something like that. Yeah, it's huge.

Wow. Okay, good to know.

That may bump up your, uh, listenership. So yeah, check it out, Your Beloved Husband, but that will soon change to, uh, hopefully we'll see, um, Guys Girl or Guys Girl. Yeah. Very good. And other than that, how else can people find out more about you and what you do?

Um, you can reach out to me through Facebook. I should— I probably have a link or something here, right? Do I on your page?

On the Facebook page? Yes, if you go to the Facebook, they'll find you.

Yeah, awesome. Um, you can send me a DM. I would love it if you told me that you saw me here, um, because then that we can skip some of the normal things that No, with me blocking you. No, no, usually it's people sliding in with nothing, you know, nothing that I want to see or hear. So if you can tell me that you found me here and then we can start there, that would be great. But yeah, that's an awesome way to reach me is Facebook, or you can find me on Night Flirt, Summer XXX.

Very good. And before we wrap it up, any other last questions, ladies and germs? Please don't be shy. Um, I'm— I just put a link here in the chat, as you'll see it in the YouTube chat as well as the Facebook comments, for, uh, my private group for men only called the HFM Brotherhood. It's a community for men. We have all kinds of cool stuff on there. We have a private discussion forum, we have live Zoom meetings, we have coaching, we have courses, we have all kinds of cool stuff, all my books at no additional charge. We get together in person. We're having our 5th annual conference coming up in Charleston, South Carolina. Our guys in Australia are having their third conference in Sydney here, 2 weeks from now, I think. Yeah. And so we're keeping busy. So check out the helpformen.com website, the HFM Brotherhood. If there are no other questions, looks like there's not. Miss Summer, thank you so very much.

It was— thank you for having me. It was wonderful meeting you. I know that you have a lady on your team.

That's right, got a lady on the team. That's right.

I support you every chance I get.

We welcome the ladies. We are not He-Man woman haters. I have been much to the chagrin of some of my male followers. I've been very open and empathetic to the female plight, and I want to hear their perspective. That's how we learn about all this, and that's how we get better. And so thank you for reaching out. Thank you for sharing your story. I appreciate it. And I also want to say a big thank you to my audience here, I guess you could say. You always worry when you have somebody that works in such a, I guess, sexually overt sexual industry, if you will, that you're going to have some weirdos and some creeps and some not so good stuff. But everyone was very well behaved. We had good classy questions. And yes, guys, thank you for that. Yes, good point. Very good. All right, Miss Summer, gang, thank you all for joining us so very much, and we'll catch you on the next one.

Awesome.

A toodaloo.