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Thank you, Scott, for saying no mic audio. Well, isn't that embarrassing? I was muted. There's your one, uh, flub of the day. Welcome everyone, it's your boy Raffalito here. Um, we got— making sure everything's good. Ralph here from Dad Starting Over and now also Help for Men Check it out ladies and germs if you could please? I'm going to put the link here in the comments. Mm-hmm. Ah ho ho ho ya! Alright, helpformen.com check it out new website for those that are fans of this followers of this—fans may be too strong of a word. Dad Starting Over. Used to be kind of the hub of everything, and we had a private group for men only that we called the DSO Fraternity. DSO stood for Dad Starting Over. We have since moved all of the business, all the books, the private group courses, which are coming soon, and coaching all under the Help for Men umbrella. So our private group is now called the HFM Brotherhood. Stands for Help for Men. HFM Brotherhood. So check it out, helpformen.com. I'm gonna put a direct link to the sign up for the private men's group here. If you bear with me for a second, ladies and germs, and make sure that works. My eyeballs are failing me. Yeah, that looks good. helpformen.com/join or hfmbrotherhood.com also gets you to the same place. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's buying up domains. Um, welcome everyone. Where is everyone joining us from today? It looks like we've got a few people joining us today. Welcome. Mr. Scott, who has joined us, is from Babilama, Alabama. I know that because Scott is a member of our HFM team. He is a coach on the HFM, Help for Men, team. Welcome, Scott. Would love to see others not involved directly with the HFM business join us today. And we got some more coming in here. Welcome everyone. I'll give you guys a little bit to join us and get settled in and get comfy. Once you're in, if you could let me know where you're, uh, joining us from today. I always love it when people get on and say, "I'm from the UK," "I'm from Michigan," "I'm from California," or whatever. It's always neat. The wonders of the internet. How we can just— one bald-headed dude can get on the internet and talk to people all over the world. Kinda scary. Mm-hmm. You know, I always marvel at the fact that I have made some videos which, in all— what's the word I'm looking for?— all honesty, all full transparency, if you will. I recognize the videos I'm putting out there are not like Hollywood productions that are changing the world or anything, right? But every now and then one, you know, strikes a nerve with people. And sure enough, thousands and thousands of people watch it, like it, share it, or whatever, for whatever reason. And I've had a couple that have gotten to the millions. When I was a kid, if you had your dumb face in front of millions of people, that meant you were on like the NBC Nightly News or you were on Johnny Carson or something like that. And now any dumbass— excuse my language— with a microphone, you don't have to shave your head, but apparently it helps from all the bald heads I see on the internet. A lot of bald head know-it-alls out there. And a strong internet connection. And you do this enough times, eventually something clicks, and millions and millions and millions of people will see your stuff. Scary yet cool at the same time. There's Andre from South Africa. South Africa. South Africa. How am I doing with the accent? South Africa. Yeah, love the South Africans. What an interesting— a lot of cool history for the South Africans. Welcome, Andre. Welcome, welcome. Anybody else? Yep, the numbers are climbing as far as people that are on right now. Cool, cool. If you would be so kind, ladies and germs, this is something I always forget: give me a like or give me a share or however it works wherever you're watching this, because we are simulcasting or streaming this on several different platforms. Some do share, some do subscribe, some do like, some do whatever. Whatever it is, if you could follow, subscribe, like, share That would be wonderful. So thank you so much. And there's my wife texting me as we speak. Let me tell her to buzz off because I be in the middle of— hmm, on live right now, I tell her. All right, cool beans. How many say cool beans? That was a phrase when I was a kid. Or was it? Or did I learn that later? Cool beans. I grew up in, uh, southern Indiana. Anybody from southern Indiana? Do you know where, uh, Terre Haute, Indiana is? Probably not. That's where Indiana State University is. That's where I went to school. And then there's Bloomington, Indiana, which most, most people in the college sports world know. That's where Indiana University is. Pretty much somewhere in between is where I grew up, in a little town of Linton, Indiana, which is in Greene County, Indiana. Population about Last I checked was like 5,000 people. So yeah, Scott says, only you, only I know where Terre Haute, Indiana is. It's not that— okay, it is obscure. Nobody knows Terre Haute, or Terrible Haute as I used to call it. Terre Haute was notorious for smelling like garbage. Don't believe me? Go check it out if it's still the way it was. Some— man, I haven't been there a long-ass time. How long has it been? 20 years? Wow. Yeah. It stunk then. Stunk all through my college years that I was there. It was bad. There was some kind of chemical treatment plant of some kind that just filled the air with a noxious, like, egg fart smell. Some kind of sulfuric awfulness. But enough about that! Um, well, we just lost about half of our viewership. Welcome everyone, welcome, as I talk about smelly cities and where I grew up. Ralph Brewer, Dad Starting Over, help4men.com. Check it out. Give me a like, give me a follow. Anybody have any questions, comments, anything at all? Now is the time to say, hey, howdy Ralph, I'm from so-and-so and here's my question. That's where I pontificate and talk about it. We talk about it as a group. People give their feedback, people comment and say what they think about, what they think about your thing. And I talk about it. And then later I take these clips and cut them up and post them for the world to see. Don't worry, I won't mention your name, maybe first name and that's it. So for later when I create videos out of this, you know, "John Doe from Florida," um, and he'll be like, "Oh, great." Um, no, don't worry about it. I won't call you out like that. But, uh, anybody have anything to share? 'Cause I really don't wanna talk to myself. That gets a little weird and pathetic. Problem is I gave everyone about a 10-minute notice that I was doing this live. That's not good. Usually try to give like a day's notice so people can maybe bookmark it out of their thing— click on the thing to remind them... Remind 'em about that but didn't do this time around. Oh, Ralph! But what I tell you? Been busy boy; got lot things going on. As Mr. Scott who was still with us can attest too, "Got lotta stuff goin' on." Um, anything at all ladies n germs?! Do we have anything going on? Hmmmm... Mr. Scott, what do you think we should talk about if you're still there, if you're still with us? We got the website, Help for Men. We're still working on that, still adding to it. If you go to it, it shows you right off the bat that there's a directory that you can go to look for attorneys in your area, or an attorney specifically, family law attorneys, or therapists. And that is not quite working just yet. Will be, and we have a lot of data to, we gotta figure out how we're gonna sort it properly and, It's a big mess. You don't need to know anything about, but, um, it will, um, be up eventually, as well as the courses, which we're going to redo and rebrand some of those courses so that they say Help for Men now instead of having Dad Starting Over all over them. So it's going to require we redo some of them so they'll be better than ever. So we'll have the courses up and going for y'all. Bro Fest. Okay, so thank you, Scott. Our private group, the HFM Brotherhood, formerly the ESO Fraternity, gets together in the States once a year as a group. Uh, not all of us. We don't get all, you know, 700 of us or whatever it is together. We would love to, but so far at most we've had 50 of us get together. That was— I think that was our biggest number yet, around 50, and that was in Austin, Texas. I believe that was our biggest one. So we have met in Nashville, Austin, Las— I say Las Vegas— Las Vegas, Nevada, and, uh, New Orleans. And New Orleans was last year. That was awesome. And next year, drum roll, we are going to be in Charleston, South Carolina. We're doing things a little differently this time though for 2025. Uh, we're renting a home right on the beach in Isle of Palms, which is right next to Charleston. Um, we are limiting attendance to just 10 individuals, 10 men. This is for men only in case that wasn't clear. And, uh, We will work together as a group on workshops, presentations. You'll have a lot of opportunity to work one-on-one with myself, other people on the team. It'll be for 3 nights, and the cost involved takes care of your room and board, food, your, my time, the time of the team, and what else does it take care of? So all your food, drinks, lodging, everything. Taken care of for the 3 nights that you are there. And oh, Scott's just asking all kinds of, uh, or, or adding all kinds of interesting things here, distracting me. So check it out, um, when you join the HFM Brotherhood, you'll be given all the details for how to join us at Bro Fest. And then David puts on here that there is an Australian version of Bro Fest that we call Mate Fest, and they are getting ready to have their 3rd annual one in Sydney coming up in October, I believe. Is that right, David? In October, and I'm not gonna be able to make it again this year. That is quite the haul over there to Australia. You gotta clear some calendar to head over there just to get there. Oof. Get there and back, not to mention the stay and all that other stuff. It's gonna be tough. But one day I'll get out there, but not this year. Got a lot of other trips going on, but we will see. So, looking forward to that. So, Australia is our second biggest market outside of the United States for everything Dad's Starting Over in the world of book sales in our private group, which is now called again the HFM Brotherhood under Help for Men, helpformen.com. Welcome all you beautiful Aussies out there. And Mr. Andre says, after reading your book, I improved myself slowly. I changed my life in many ways. I just wanted to say thanks. Oh, well, very nice of you, Andre. Andre from South Africa, thank you so very much. I appreciate you, and thank you for reading the book. May I ask which book? Because if you don't know, I got 4 of them. I'm going to assume it's the one that I sold more of than any other, and that's the Dead Bedroom Fix. The Dead Bedroom Fix. I'm going to put a link in the comments, shall I? Be a good businessman here and link everybody to all the stuff that I'm actually talking about. deadbedroomfix.com. Can't get much easier than that. That will direct you to the page on the Help for Men website for— shows you how to order that. You can order it directly from our site, PDF format, or there are links on there to outside retailers such as Amazon, Apple Books, etc. And yes, there is an audio version of it, uh, on Audible. And, um, so I'm going to assume that was the book, Slowly Change Your Life. Do you maybe want to share in what ways, Mr. Andre, that has changed what you have done? Um, you know, it's not a book that changed you, it's just the book that made you go, oh yeah. Often what I hear from guys is, this is kind of stuff I already knew, and it was kind of just in the background, in the periphery, and I just, I saw it You know, everything in life showed me that, hey, dumbass, this is— look over here. And I was just like, nope, I don't see it. And then finally I read a book, and then I look over there and go, damn it, I knew it all along. So I dropped the ball, or this is irreparable, or whatever the case may be for your relationship. So, you know, thank you so much for praise of the book. That's, it's wonderful, love it. Thank you so very much. But, you know, pat yourself on the back. You're the one who did all the work, mister. So congratulations, congratulations, Mr. Andre, on your changes. Sounds like, uh, improve yourself slowly. That's usually how it goes, takes a while. And then some of us, like Mr. David said, it's stuff I wish I knew. Yeah, for some, I have learned over the years that it is, um— Andre says that yes, it was the Dead Bedroom Fix book that he read, and I should change the name of the book to Fix Your Life. Well, it wouldn't have sold as many. If I did, I told somebody, I think I said this on a video the other day, that the book should have been titled Stuff You Do to Make Yourself an Overall Better Human, which may in fact result in your partner able to go into a mindset which allows for more physical intimacy between the two of you. Not the best, not the most, doesn't have a lot of punch to it, you know. Dead Bedroom Fix, boom, we all know what that means. Maybe not all of us, most of us do. It's got a catch to it, it's got a little snap to it. And, um, the connotation of sex and everything else— sex sells. Anytime I do a video that revolves around sex, talks about it in some way, I write a book about it, it sells, sells, you know, or, or it's shared way more, more clicks than anything else that I put out there. As sad as that may be, Welcome to the human race. Sex sells. Marketers have known this for ages. Yeah, so thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you, David, Andre, Scott. Anyone else? Hey, we can make this a really short live, guys. No pressure, but I don't have much else to share here. I may have been in the middle of some— I often do this when I go back and watch these. I'm like, oh man, I was in the middle of a thought and then somebody distracted me and I just went over here. And forgot my original train of thought. So if I was on a train of thought of something, BroFest we talked about, Charleston, South Carolina, gonna be great. We're gonna limit it to 10 individuals, no more than that, to meet us or to join us in the big home that we are renting right on the beach. I can't stress that enough. You walk out the front door, oh look, ocean. That's where we're gonna be. So it brings to mind all kinds of cool ideas we can do to work together as a group, do things on the beach together, long walks. And doing, uh, workshops that way, whatever it may be. Eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner together, going out for dinner drinks. We do plan on doing a cookout the first night that we get there. I have decided I'm going to drive so, so I can bring some stuff with me if possible. And, um, educational programs, coaching, Scott says. Is that in reference, Scott, you mean to at the, uh, at BroFest itself? Or are you talking about just to mention in general? Um, what else? And so yeah, BroFest is going to be pretty good. And if this is something that does well and we can fill up all the spots, and we do so relatively easily— I think we're about halfway there. I think we got 5 people that have filled the spot. It's not cheap, but it's something we've learned over the years is putting on these events, uh, it is not cheap. I would love to say, guys, come on, we got the cost covered, you don't have to worry about anything. First so many dudes get in or whatever, no cost to you, but no, no, that's a good way for me to go broke real fast. Cost of venues, like this home for example, wow, that was pricey. And I gotta feed you guys, and guys like to drink. Not like, you know, not like Fish, we're not like a bunch of frat brothers or whatever, but it adds up. Just the food, drink, and lodging alone, thousands and thousands of dollars. So we're trying to— and I would like to help, you know, pay for the time of myself and the guys on the team for once. And, uh, because we have yet— a lot of inside stuff, it's going to sound like I'm saying, oh, woe is me— but we have yet to make a penny on any of these BroFest events. We do them just— it's a team building thing, it's a camaraderie building thing. It makes this group very real as opposed to just little two-dimensional pictures on a screen when we talk to each other. Because as a group with this HFM Brotherhood, we talk to each other live via Zoom meetings. Uh, we do, uh, private discussion forums where we talk. People post topics and people respond. Very, very active. And, uh, what else do we do? We have a Discord server. People talk on there, but it's not the same as actually pressing the flesh and sitting face to face with a guy. It's just a way different dynamic. Um, and then, oh, Mr. Andre following up says, uh, the plan was to get some sex. Ended up on another journey, nothing to do with sex. Good. It's a little bit— things are a little bit deeper than that, aren't they? Journey of self-improvement, many ways of my life. Sex is no longer on the top of my list. Well, very good. And David said, yeah, there's no substitute for the face-to-face events. That is true. That is true. Um, Scott, going back to your point with, uh, coaching, we have, um, coaches on standby, if you will, myself and 6 other gentlemen. You can think of us as mentors, counselors, guys that have been there and done that and have a lot of real-world experience. What we are not are therapists. We are not mental health professionals. There are other people to do that, and we have most certainly referred people to that. You know, when a guy has suicidal ideation, extreme anxiety, can't function, et cetera, et cetera, there's, you know, things we can do as, well, I've been in your shoes, let me show you some things I do, but may I suggest, Mr. Man, before we talk again, I want you to go talk to a professional professional person about some of this stuff. We have a— and I'm going to put— let me copy this. We have a couple of sponsors. I'm going to paste them right now, if I may, into the comments. Here we go. One of those sponsors is BetterHelp. Uh, BetterHelp is a service that allows you to use your phone or your computer and talk to a real licensed therapist, family therapist, whatever it may be. And they try to match you up. It's a service that they try to match you up with somebody in your area. So if you're in Alabama like Scott, Scott would get on there and say, hey, BetterHelp, I'm a man. I'm looking to talk to another dude about my depression. You could say, man or woman, I'd prefer to talk to a man, and this is where I live. And they say, well, we found one near you. It doesn't mean you jump in your car and go drive over. No, You still use your phone, computer to communicate with them. And you can communicate via email, the chatting, video chat, voice chat. And it's— you're much more apt to find times for you two to communicate with each other than the typical traditional route, which is what I hear from a lot of guys. A lot of guys that I talk to say, I recognize I got problems with my anxieties, overstress, depression, and everything else. So I found a therapist. That took a while. I found them and they're like, "I can't see you for 6 weeks." I'm like, "Huh." So I go over there, drive an hour and a half to go see this person. I sit with him for 45 minutes to an hour and it's like, "It's okay. You know, we're just kind of still getting to know each other." "When can we meet again?" "Not for 3 weeks." "Okay." And then you go meet him a second time. You're like, "I don't know if I like this person or not. Hmm." Maybe. Okay, let's go ahead and stick it out, I guess. When can I see you again? 4 weeks. Oh God, you see the problem. So in the span of several months, you've met them 3 times, you're still not sure about them. Something like BetterHelp allows you to much more rapid pace, get to know a person. It's very easy to say, don't like him, find me another therapist, and they find you another one. My wife has been using BetterHelp for years now. When she was, uh, married before um, and she went through the divorce and she was looking for a therapist and stuff. She did actually meet with a gentleman therapist, I believe, and then she helped— stumbled upon this BetterHelp thing and she got on that. She's like, I love it. So she's had one woman that she's been speaking to for years and she talks about her everyday issues and problems and talks to her. Um, so it's worked out very well for her. So check it out, betterhelp.com/helpformen. That's betterhelp.com/helpformen. And that gives you a 10% off your first month of their service. So check that out. And then we have another one that's nothing to do with any of this called Magic Mind. It's a little, uh, energy nootropic drink. They approached me, I sampled their product for like a month, and I'm like, I really like this stuff. It's not like some kind of super stimulant speed thing. It actually makes me feel focused. I feel better, more energetic, more positive, calmer on it. Whatever little magical formula is in that thing, I really, really like it. And so I said, yeah, you can officially be our sponsor. And so, uh, if you go to magicmind.com/helpformen, you'll get a whopping 20% off your order. So magicmind.com/helpformen, try it out. Or excuse me, magicmind.com/helpformen20, help for men 2-0, then you'll get your 20% off. Help for men 2-0 at the end there. Um, but enough of our sponsors. So anyway, with our coaches, um, These guys represent dozens and dozens of years of service in a lot of ways, dozens and dozens of years of working with other men, working on themselves, overcoming a lot of not fun stuff in life. And the old term I use often is 'been there and done that,' right? And, um, from my personal experience, anytime in any kind of discipline or endeavor that I am undertaking I can pinpoint what, what moment was it that I went from here to pew in my knowledge or my expertise or my results that I get from trying to— from working on whatever this discipline or whatever it may be. And it was always when I worked with one-on-one with somebody who was an expert at it, whatever it may be. So if you're like, I want to get really good at— I don't know— detailing cars You go on YouTube and see all kinds of videos on detailing cars, and you can go get all the equipment and all the cleaning chemicals and everything else. And then you sit down with one dude who's been doing it for 50 years, and he's like, okay, you can trash that thing. You don't need that chemical. You don't need that fancy thing. Here, I just saved you $500. Get rid of— return that to the store. You don't need that. Here's what you need to detail a car. You need these things. Boom, boom, boom, done. Start here, start there. Don't do this, do this. Yeah, yeah, I just saved you hours of time thousands of dollars. You're welcome. And you're like, why didn't I meet this guy years ago? That's a very minor league example of how a coach or a mentor can help you. Don't do this, do that. Whatever you do, do this. Okay, drop all that bullshit that you're doing right there. It doesn't accomplish anything. Instead, move your attention over here. Voilà, it expedites your results in a big way. Not only that, you're working with another human. It helps your mental health to work with other people and socialize with other people. We're meant to do that. Coaching, try it out. Help for Men, help4men.com. Go up to the menu, go to coaching or help4men.com/coaching. Check it out. If the pricing's a little much for you, solution: join the group, HFM Brotherhood, because then coaching becomes like half off. If you do the math, it makes way more sense to join the group and do the coaching than just do the coaching by itself. It comes out to be way cheaper even after joining the group. Just throw that as Just put that out there. I'm not going to hide anything. I'm not trying to, you know, take money out of my pocket. But, uh, I can't tell you how many men I've known who've done the coaching with what we call the public pricing. Ralph Brewer, I'd love to talk to you. Let's talk again. Let's talk again. I'm like, you know, you're spending a lot of money on this. Have you tried the private group? Oh yeah, good idea. And they've been in the private group for years after that, and that's what it took for them to realize, oh yeah, it makes sense to doing this. Names of my other books, Mr. Andre says. Names of my other books include Divorce Panic, Real Talk, which has a subtitle of No Bullshit Life Advice for Young Men. That's what it sounds like, it's a book for young men. And Red Flags. In addition to books that I've written, we have one book by a gentleman in our group who is a coach within our group. His name is Austin, and he has a book that he's written called Why Sex Ends After Kids and How to Fix It. Pretty blunt title, what it's about. So check it out, go to help4men.com and you will see all of our books there. Go up to the menu and go to books and you will see them all listed there and check them out. Oh, and as an aside, I know I keep mentioning the Brotherhood, the private group, but if you're a member of the HFM Brotherhood, all those books I just mentioned, free, no additional charge. You get them in PDF format so you could download them to your phone or computer, read them on, you know, on screen, or you can listen to the audiobook version, no additional charge. How cool is that? So talk about money savings— discount on the coaching, free books. You get to chat with yours truly and others throughout the day, Zoom meetings. I'm a little biased, but it's a pretty good deal. Hmm, top tip from each book. Make friends with other men, says David. Amen, Mr. David. Absolutely. I can't overemphasize the importance for men to socialize, number one, and number two, to socialize with other men. With that being said, some guys say, I socialize, I got friends. It just so happens to be that a lot of them— okay, all of them are women, like women at the office. Who knows, friends of his wife's or something like that. Just a lot of women that he hangs around with. Why do you think that is, that so many men in our circle tend to get along better with women? Not all, maybe not even a majority, but it's a big enough group of men that I see a pattern here. A lot of men say, yeah, I tend to enjoy the company of women more so than men. Why do you guys think that is? I will leave it to you to come up with some ideas. Mr. David says, uh, lifetime membership, no-brainer. You get to know top guys from around the globe. Yeah, how many of us, you know, have a mentor in Australia? Well, maybe David, you might, but, uh, you know, if you're in Indiana and you got a mentor guy that you're talking to about stuff in, uh, in Australia, okay, you know, who, who thought that would be possible? And, uh, you know, chat with each other in live Zoom meetings and in private forums, and then you have a little side Facebook chat about whatever, then get together in person. Person and talk. We've created a pretty cool thing, pretty good tribe of dudes, I must say. So check it out, ladies. I was gonna say ladies and germs. Check it out, dudes. Um, the HFM Brotherhood at help4men.com. Hmm, anything else, ladies? Did I miss something? Back to coaches. Did I go over coaches enough? Uh, I believe I did. Within coaching, a couple of our coaches have created their own little extended programs, if you will. Austin, who I mentioned before, who wrote the book Why Sex Ends After Kids, available at helpformen.com, he has created a Nice Guy program, an extended, very formalized, very measured, very regimented program for guys that are overcoming nice guy tendencies. Before you jump all over me going, what's wrong with being a nice guy? Everybody wants to be nice. Yes, It's another way of saying, it's an internet, oft-used internet term for codependent men. People pleasers, guys that put other people's needs before theirs. Guys that are just like, why do all women like dickheads? I can't get any kind of attention from the opposite sex. Why does my woman not want me? If I do this and this, she's supposed to like me, gosh darn it. Mr. Nice Guy. Well, Austin has come up with a program for that. Oh, and I should mention, every time I mention nice guy, I should mention the godfather of the whole nice guy thing was Dr. Robert Glover, who authored a book called No More Mr. Nice Guy. And he has sold a bazillion copies of that thing, let me tell you. And I've chatted with him a few times. He came to one of our events, BroFest in Austin, Texas. He came to, hung out with us for the weekend. And an awesome dude. I think a lot of them. And he has agreed to be on the Help for Men podcast. If you do a search for the Help for Men podcast, you may find it, but there ain't nothing there yet, but there will be. I'm going to reserve the Help for Men podcast solely for long-form interviews with interesting people that can help men. And I contacted him right away, of course, and explained the whole Help for Men thing. He's like, yeah, I'm on board, let's do it. It's— pardon me— same for, um, Dr. Samantha Rodman-White. Just a matter of getting on their schedule and Making it happen. If you guys have some other gentlemen, I've also reached out to, um, I've had some names thrown out at me and I've reached out to a couple of them. One was, uh, Orion. The hell's his name? He's a psychiatrist, or is he a psychologist? I should know this. I believe he's a psychologist on YouTube. He's made a name for himself. You see him on a lot of stuff. Orion is his first name, and I'm— the brand of his website and stuff is Psych Hex. Uh, I've reached out to him. So if you know Mr. Orion of Psych Hacks and have any contact with him, say you should go on the Help for Men, um, podcast with Ralph Brewer. Uh, that'd be a good get. And I'm also going to reach out to Mr. Mark Manson. You never know. Mark actually is a— has a good connection with Dr. Glover, so maybe that'll be kind of my, my inside there, you know. Um, if there are other people you think I should talk to, let me know. Maybe shoot me an email, ralph.b@help4men.com. You know what, I'm going to put that in the comments here. Ralph.Brewer— whoops, whoops, whoops— help4men.com. There's my email. Feel free to email me. You got a question for me? You got a guest that I should talk to? You got a little story to share you want the rest of the world to see but you want to remain anonymous, whatever, you can share with me. I get that a lot. Feel free to share my story but don't share my name. Cool, okay. And I do. And some of those become Dear DSO emails. Um, that is, if you guys are familiar, I have a spot on the Dad Starting Over website called Dear DSO. Let me put it up here. Dad— there you go. DadStartingOver.com/Dear-DSO. And you can fill out a little form, submit a story, and if it's a good one, I'll make a little video out of it. Um, Fight for Better Now off of YouTube says Karen Sykes from the Happy Life School. How do I know her? Probably because she's come across my feed a lot. I just can't think of who that may be. Probably I would see her face and go, oh yeah, her. Is it Happy Life or Happy Wife School? Wife with a W. I think I saw something about Happy Wife. I think I saw a clip and then I went and clicked it and saw the YouTube and stuff. So I think I know who you're talking about. So cool. Yeah, maybe she's— I don't know if she does, uh, podcast interviews, but we shall see. But good one, thank you. Anything else, ladies and germs? Going once, twice. Please don't be shy, I'm here for you. Relatively small group today, but has some good stuff here. Just talk— really talked a lot about me and our group. Would love to talk more about you guys if anybody has any issues. Are there any questions at all for myself in the group? Um, happy wife, he says. Okay, so I was right. I was gonna say the happy wife thing sounded familiar. Um, one thing, let's circle back to this before we hang up today. Um, why is it that we find a lot of men say, I actually feel more comfortable, uh, chatting with and being social with women? Well, one thought is that there's this underhanded kind of sexual tension maybe that he enjoys. You know, there's a chance here, even if it's kind of a— there's no chance, he's married, she's married, there's maybe technically no attraction there. Like, it's off the table for whatever reason, right? But there's still the dynamic of man versus woman, and that's a little titillating, a little exciting. That could be a component of it for sure. But what I've heard from a lot of men is when you poke and prod a little bit and talk about the issue, when a man says, yeah, I tend to hang out with ladies a lot more, it is because being around a lot of men, or even just men one-on-one, makes him nervous and makes, makes him anxious. He doesn't feel like he measures up. He doesn't feel like he's part of the crowd. So for him to, you know, like, picture he's at a high school football game or something for his kid or whatever, and there's a group of men all standing around holding their beverages yapping and he really doesn't know them all that well or whatever, he's not going to be the, you know, Mr. Anxious is not going to be the type to just walk up and go, hey dudes, what's up? You know, I'm Ralph Brewer Brewer Brewer. What's going on? Join the game, whatever. But if there's a group of ladies, he feels more calm and less anxious to just to go up and go, hey ladies, what's happening? A lot of guys kind of nod at that and go, yeah, I can, I can see that. Um, and, uh, that's just a different flavor of social anxiety. And I think it's just something that's been kind of imprinted in a lot of guys. Maybe they had a lot of experience with maybe being picked on as a kid or bullied or whatever by another guy, and that just kind of imprinted in them that other strange men or men you don't know too well, kind of dangerous, stay away. And really, the only way to overcome that is to face it head-on. I've said this in many videos before, the cure for a lot of social anxiety, anxiety related around dealing with people, is to overexpose yourself to that. Going up to strangers and talking, especially men, makes me nervous. You know how you overcome that? You go up to strangers, especially men, and you talk to them. Sorry, there's no magic formula here. There's some drug you can take, I'm sure some SSRI, or maybe a shot of alcohol or two will help, you know, smooth things over a little bit or whatever. Or you can do it the hard way, which is, all right, here I go. Hey dude, I don't know you, but I thought I'd say hi. I'm Ralph Brewer Brewer Brewer. My kid's on the football team. Which one's your kid? And you're gonna have awkward moments. There is the off chance that the guy may give you the wide-eyed, what, and kind of go, well, gotta go see you. And you're like, well, that didn't go well. But you know what you do? You don't put your tail between your legs. You don't run back home. You don't say, never doing that again. You do it again. And you do it again, and you do it again. All these people that you see that just seem to be so outgoing, um, they are extroverted. Um, they are, you know, the type of guy or gal who walks into a room and goes, hey everybody, Ralph's here! That person. If you are watching my material and you are seeking out this type of material, that is probably not you. I can say that with a lot of confidence, because people who seek out my material and stuff like it, like our buddy Dr. Psych Mom and so forth, are fixers looking for answers. Fixers looking for answers tend to be people that are kind of anxious in nature, and a kind of anxious in nature person is usually high in neuroticism, as the psychologists like to say. It's a personality trait. People that are higher in neuroticism tend to be— not always, but tend to be— lower in extroversion. They're not the type to just say Hey, Ralph's here! What the hell are you guys doing? What's going on? And smacking people on the back and high-fiving dudes. It's not us. We tend to put our head down and walk across the room to get to where we're going, right? Go to the bar, order the drink with your head down, and go, God, I hope nobody notices me. I don't like small talk. Gotta get over that shit, dude. It's— you gotta— and so when I hear these men again saying, being around men and approaching men makes me really, really nervous, I much prefer the ladies, that's your social anxiety talking. You got to get over that. One tool, and I've mentioned this again, I apologize if you guys have heard this a few hundred times, um, we have a lot of guys who are new to the world of working out, going to the gym, and one of the things that kept them from that world was, oh, that bro culture, that, that really lowbrow meathead Neanderthals just all, you know, cutting up and making fart jokes and whatever, you know, screaming in the gym and all this other stuff, throwing chalk around. Is that— it's just not me, and I am more cerebral. I'm I'm a deeper dude than that, and I just— I don't know what I'm doing, number one, at the gym. I'm gonna look like an idiot. These guys are gonna make fun of me. What happens more often than not is that they finally go, okay, fine, I'm going to the gym, and then they don't see any of that. Sure, there's some idiots at the gym, don't get me wrong. There's some meatheads at the gym, absolutely. But you know what I've seen more often than not? They're kind of nice meatheads, and, um, they really are looking for— I don't know if it's the male ego or maybe it's our fixer mentality or whatever it is, but you go up to the biggest meathead in the gym and you say, uh, I don't know what I'm doing on the bench press. Is there any way you could maybe help me and show me what to do? You just made a new best friend. That guy's just like, fucking finally, yes! And he'll throw his stuff down and go, let's do this, brother! And he'll, you know, help you with the bar, and he'll yell at you and go, you got it, one more, come on! And he'll high-five you, and you'll be like, where the hell this come from? I had no idea. I had no idea that there was this level of like camaraderie at something stupid like the gym. And you leave there feeling better. And the guy's like, I'll see you here tomorrow, 10 AM, brother. You know, bring your stuff and yada yada, and I'll show you how to do leg day. And you're like, okay, um, that happens. But you don't get to that point unless you face your fears and just say, uh, hey everybody, Ralph's here, and put yourself out there. Same thing with the whole, uh, chatting with guys. Um, fight for better now. On the subject says, I think part of it is the fact that men communicate differently than women do. Uh, when we'll talk about women, we'll talk about anything and everything, and men generally communicate two things: what the problem was and the solution. So is that a roundabout way of saying maybe women are more interesting in their conversation? I guess subject to think maybe. Um, socializing is a learned skill for men, whereas innate for women. Maybe. There are a lot of women that are possibly not the most naturally social people, women on the spectrum, for example, and that doesn't come that easily for them. Women tend to be more social than men, that's for sure. They tend to be more open, and they tend to be more, yeah, they socialize more with others and share their deepest, darkest with others. It's stereotypical, but it's true. I'll be with my I don't know, maybe my teenage son, or with a fellow adult male in a car, or somewhere where we are together one-on-one for an extended period of time, and you go back to the wife and the wife's like, what did you and Dave talk about? Not much. Weren't you in the car together for like 3 hours? You didn't talk about much? Hmm, a little bit about work, uh, something blah blah blah with sports. And music and vacation state, not much really. Oh, that's sad. No, it's not sad, it's just how we are. I was deep in thought and listening to the radio and we were fine. Well, women, on the other hand, every minute of every hour is filled with substance. So maybe that appeals to some men versus the, the calmness and the quiet and the, and the sparse conversation that a lot of men have. I don't necessarily think that makes men simple or makes men, uh guarded or not as vulnerable, just different. Um, and Davis has mentioned the podcast archive. Dave's worth of invaluable material. Yes, we're now— we're circling back to the HFM Brotherhood, private group for men only. Go to helpformen.com to learn more. Some of the benefits included with that group are not only our live meetings and the Zoom meetings and our live conversations and access to the coaches and our get-togethers in person and the free books, but we also All these meetings that we have in Zoom, uh, we record them all. Reason being, most guys don't attend the Zoom meetings live. They just don't have it in their schedule, they don't have the time to do so, whatever. And so we take all the recordings of the Zoom and we put them so that guys can listen to them in like a podcast format right from their phone. Pretty convenient. And then so we call that the meeting archive, but we also have an HFM Brotherhood podcast, which is like monologues for myself and others. And then the, uh, the books that I mentioned for free, the audiobook versions also can be available like in a podcast format, so you can download them to your phone. Pretty neat stuff, if I do say so myself. Miss Candace— well, the lady has entered the picture, ladies and germs, gentlemen. We have a gal amongst us. I tease Candace. Candace, Candace. Welcome, darling. Says, now with so much information readily available on the honeymoon stage, responsive desire, etc. Let me pause you there. It's readily available because people like you and I, Candace, who are interested in this stuff, for whatever reason it came across our, you know, our purview, whatever, um, it's readily available to us. I, you know, if I'm going to pull random dude off the street, I'm just going to go there and go, hey, just curious, 'When I say responsive desire, do you know what I'm talking about?' He'll be like, 'Uh, no.' I guarantee 9 times out of 10. 'Honeymoon stage, what is that?' 'Oh, that's when you guys are really, really in love with each other. Do you know that that usually comes to an end and it's replaced with a time period within your life and in a long-term relationship where the sex naturally fizzles down, especially for the ladies, etc., etc., blah, blah, blah?' And most guys will be like, 'What? Seriously, Candace, this is not a common knowledge amongst the masses, as crazy as that may seem to people like you and I. So, um, Candace says, I am curious if men will be more interested or inquisitive of a potential partner's past intimate frequency within committed relationships. Oh, Candace, you're getting into a touchy subject there. So let's play pretend. I'm to be curious and inquisitive, interested, inquisitive, as you put it. Let's, let's, let's do the scenario here. Hello, Debbie, my prospective long-term girlfriend. We're getting to know each other. We're really liking each other. We've been intimate a couple times. I'm falling for you. You're falling for me. It's obvious. Here's the thing. Let me sit you down, ask you something. You were with a guy for a few years, right? Yeah. And before that guy, you were engaged before and it didn't work out? Yeah. Okay. So when you guys were together for long term, how was the sex go? She's going to look at you like, what? Yeah. I mean, you guys, how long were you pretty hot and heavy to begin with? And if so, cool. How long did that last into the relationship? Like by year 1 and 2, was there a big downturn? And if so, how much of a downturn? Candace, that woman's going to look at you like you're freaking nuts or you're an asshole. Or you're some kind of, I don't know, like you have the emotional intelligence of a sofa. Like, that's a weird thing. It's a very touchy subject. How do you, you know, properly approach it? Inevitably, what I think is, does it matter what they were with past partners? I think maybe I'm oversimplifying it here. Isn't this kind of all resolved by being with this partner, this gal in this particular case? For an extended period of time before making it an official wife, husband, or just let's move in together, or whatever your flavor of commitment is. How about just let's, let's be together for 3, 4, or 5 years as a couple. Fill this out and you'll find out what long-term intimacy looks like between you two, because she may have been with some schmuck before who just did not push her buttons, and she tried it for 8, 9 years And if you ask her, how was intimacy in your relationship before? And she's just like, oh God, don't— you don't want to go there. Why? Variety of reasons. A, number one is that he was really, really odd and we just never clicked. And I tried and tried, the sex was always terrible, blah, whatever it may be. So you don't want to judge your potential future based on that past, do you? It's not really that fair. Just trying to play devil's advocate here. I don't know, what do you guys think? Andre says, thanks for a life-changing book. Must go to work. Well, farewell, Andre. Um, now he would say, I would like to tell other guys that quitting drinking may change or can change your life in amazing ways. If you drink, put this change first on your list. You know, I'm noticing that in popular culture now, uh, in the podcast world and the YouTube or whatever, whatever you want to call it, all this content that passes in front of me, there's a lot of anti-alcohol sentiment out there, and I have put out some myself. Um, I'm kind of glad that people are kind of waking up to this. It's another touchy subject to go along with Candace's touchy subject here. Um, the world of alcohol is so ingrained in so many cultures, and it's so important, quote unquote, it's so much a part of who we are and what we do in our day-to-day culture as a people. I mean, my mother, for example, comes from Spain, and I visited Spain as a kid and as a young adult. I haven't been there in a while, but I remember every time I went, I was just wide-eyed at, wow, these people drink a lot, and it's part of their culture because every little town you go to, there was a vineyard and they made wine there, and they were very proud of their local wine. And you 'Come to dinner with us,' and you'd go sit outside on the table, and they'd bring out a feast, and they'd have all these, um, oh, what was it? Um, there was a thing there in the part of Spain where she was from. It was this little wine— it almost looked like a, uh, oh shoot, what do you call, like a bong-looking thing, but it was for wine. You pour the wine in this spout, and then it had a little teeny— it would come to a taper, a little teeny spout with a hole at the end, and you would hold it up like so over your head and the wine would pour down your throat into your mouth. It's kind of like shotgunning, if you will. So picture it, you're like, you know, holding the thing up like this and you'd put it in your mouth and then hold it and move it away and you'd have this string of wine falling in your mouth. So for them, wine is a huge, huge important part of their culture. So to go to them and go, "You ever thought about not drinking?" They'd be like, "Excuse me, that's who we are, that's what we do." We're Spaniards, we drink. Same with the Italians and the French. And then you jump over to America, and, you know, I say to a lot of guys, maybe you want to put the beer down, give it like 30 days, see what happens. A lot of them just go, nah, I'm not doing that. You're like, that's, that's not good, dude. And they're like, well, it's not necessarily that I'm an addict or whatever, it's just that it's so ingrained in my culture. In my neighborhood, we all get together every Friday in the cul-de-sac, and we all bring coolers full of beer and have beer. And then every, uh, you know, uh, football game at high school, we have the, uh, what do they call it, the tailgating. We have beer. And then, uh, my, uh, father's meeting, blah blah blah blah blah, we have beer at this meeting, we have beer at this gathering, we have beer at that, and on and on. And I make my own beer at home. How many people do we know, the guy, you know, brews his own beer and makes wine in the garage, and so on and so forth? It's just so ingrained and who they are. And, um, some, not all, not maybe not even most, have a problem with it. And, uh, I know some people that it's their, uh, anti-anxiety medication of choice. It makes them— that they're not able to face fill in the blank unless they have a couple glasses of wine. How many women do we know that have a problem with this? Um, the home life for them is very, very stressful. Very anxiety-producing. They got a house with 4 screaming kids. They also work. They also got a husband that they lost attraction to years ago who's a pain in the ass. And, uh, just dealing with things on a day-to-day basis, she just wants to pull her hair out. She just wants to kick the front door open and run and never come back. But she doesn't because she's a responsible, good human being. But what she does do is knocks back a bottle of wine every night. That's a shit ton of alcohol. That's a lot. And that is not healthy. But tell that to some women and they will just laugh in your face saying, yeah, go ahead, try to take my wine away from me. Go ahead, try. It's not going to be a pretty picture, mister. Um, they got a problem and, um, they're self-medicating basically. It's not good. There are a lot of detrimental effects to drinking booze and a lot of it on a regular basis, as Mr. Andre says. And some people stop because they're like, I just want to see how I feel and how I do. And they're just like Dude, I've talked to men and women who've done this. My sleep improved. I lost 12 pounds in a month. Um, I'm doing exercising better. Just everything is— I'm more clear-headed during the day. I never have the hangover, the headache in the morning on Sunday after drinking too much on Saturday. This is just an all-around better life. I'm not stopping this. Why did I do this for so long? Again, because it's so ingrained in our culture, who we are, part of what we do on on a day-to-day basis, and it's tough to kick for a lot of us. Hmm. Mr. Fight for a Better Now is responding to the— circling back to Candace's post about— or question rather— to will men be asking more and more about women's past sexual experiences in long-term relationships to kind of gauge what they're like sexually in long-term relationships. And he says, well, of course we're interested, but sometimes we fear the answers that may come out. That's a very anxious take, isn't it? This is why it generally comes out that don't ask, don't tell, with the caveat being if you don't ask, don't be an ass. Um, Miss Candace says, I appreciate the answer. One of the main reasons I follow you is because we have a 22-year-old son. The dating game is completely different than when his father and I were in that scenario. It certainly is. Candace, did you happen to see a little video snippet I did of, um, the experience I had at my 20-year-old daughter's college? Um, what do you call it? They had— it was Parent Day. It was, I believe it was homecoming. Yeah, homecoming at the university. And all the fraternities had like a homecoming, um, tailgating thing set up at a parking lot. Like, this is our little section over here, and please come, parents, and join us. Yeah, she says yes, I did. For those that didn't see this. And I saw on display a— I was there for a few hours, a few hours of— it was just weird. There's just no way around it. It was this weird conglomeration and mixture of hypersexuality, especially on the part of the ladies, the young ladies there. I'm not trying to be some kind of pervy weirdo here, but just to paint a picture here, really scantily clad young 19 to 22 probably year old gals all showing as much as they humanly could and get to get away with it. Let me circle back. Parents' Day. It was Parents' Day, and I'm watching this on display going, um, hello, ladies. Okay. And, um, so I'm trying to think, what if I were one of these 19-year-old, 20-year-old dudes just in this buffet of this hypersexuality? And of course my mind immediately goes to, that would have been nice, right, back then. But, but I'm watching them and I'm looking at the guys and they all just look terrible. They— none of the guys put in any, if not none, 99.9% of the guys did not put any effort into their looks. The, the girls put effort to their looks. It could be argued to, to an unhealthy degree, maybe. Yeah, I'm, I'm not the biggest prude in the world, but it was still eye-opening to me watching this. Um, maybe a little biased being the father of one of the gals there. Thankfully my daughter was not dressed in such a way, I'm happy to report, but a lot of girls were with their parents there. I saw the— I saw butt cheeks, the underside of girls' butt cheeks sticking out. I even saw in a couple girls the underboob because their crop top was so cut so high or whatever. Parents' Day, university. Anyway, so I saw this weird dynamic of this hypersexual meeting mixed with this we really don't give a shit guys over here, and they never really came together, I didn't see guys and gals just hanging all over each other, making out, kissing, hugging. I didn't see any of that. The, the vibe was one of just buddies hanging out, and that was it. It was very odd. It was just— I didn't quite know what to make of that. It was almost as if we have these people that are so hypersexualized, maybe, you know, the, the phones and the internet and so forth allows them to stay connected on a regular basis throughout the day, every day, all day. So getting together in person it's just not really that big of a deal to them. You know, they've been— he probably says, hey Sarah, who I've already got— I've already been talking to for 3 hours today, you know, on Instagram or whatever. How you doing? Somehow it just— happy to be here. Somehow it just activated my— I don't want to say the word— my automated helper on my Mac, and they just came up. I'm happy to be here. Okay, anyway, so, um, where was I? So it was an interesting dynamic. And it really illustrative of that dating world, if you will. It's confusing. It's, uh, you know, if you ask them, it's a lot of hooking up, which means casual sex, not a lot of deep relationships, and a lot of people sleeping around with a lot of other people, and it's very brief, fleeting relationships. And I'm curious to see where that's going to lead. I don't know, it's kind of interesting. And then we could go on and on about why it is the gals felt the need to uh, overemphasized sexuality to the point of being a little silly about it, and why the guys swung the pendulum all the way in the other direction and looked comically bad. Why does anybody notice this diametrically opposed sexuality here on display? It was just— it was very odd, very odd. So anyway, thank you, Candace, appreciate your kind words. Um, thank you for following. And I will scroll here, make sure I'm not missing anything. Guitar God 365 says we're just less likely to marry or commit long term. You know, you think that— I don't know if the stats are bearing that out or not. I say that, I'm catching myself, correcting myself. We do have stats that people, young people, are marrying less now, um, than those 10, 15, 20 years ago. You know, you take a 19-year-old out of, uh, high school probably more of those early 20-somethings are going to marry. Now we're seeing those ages get pushed back, and then we're having more and more people say, I'm not marrying. Um, but I wonder if we're seeing numbers as far as like guys like myself, 40-somethings, 50-somethings, getting out of marriage. Number one, we know, you know, our stats shows that the majority of those men do end up remarrying. I don't know if that number is going down or not, the remarrying numbers for the 40-, 50-something-year-old dudes, or are we still jumping back on the boat again. I don't know. Um, Candace says, our son went into trades. Good move. He is a small engine repair mechanic doing well for himself at 22. He is also a guitarist in a band. Awesome. So the combination make me as a mother a little wary of potential mates for him. Uh, are you thinking that his, uh, blue-collar job opens himself up to a lower quality of a gal? Is that kind of what you're getting at? And then the guitarist in a band Say no more, right? It's not going to open you up to some, uh, pseudo-groupie types who go after him just because he's the cool guy with playing the guitar in the band. Um, interesting. Uh, but the trades, it's, uh, we're going to see more and more of that. Thankfully, there's nothing wrong with going into the trades and becoming a plumber, electrician, carpenter, or whatever. Uh, the need for those is never going to go away. As opposed to all these other white-collar jobs that are going to be replaced by AI here real quick. We're already seeing it. Um, but anyway, go off a tangent there. It's been about an hour, ladies and germs. Anything else before I hang her up? Um, I'll give you a little bit to say hey howdy while I take a drink here. Any questions or anything at all, please do ask. Guitar God 365 says, I'm in a marriage with a zero libido wife. I'm 40 and she is 35. Not good, dude. 35, still young. We love each other a lot, but I've made peace with getting my sexual needs met elsewhere. Oh, it's still difficult to know my wife has zero sexual desire for me. Married 10 years, kids came along, etc. What does needs met elsewhere mean, and is she cool with that? Now, the case could be made, does she really have anything to say about it? You can't just shut down the shop, so to speak, and then get mad when people go buy their goods elsewhere. Again, there's some validity, validity to that. But, uh, legally and otherwise, if she's in the dark about a lot of this stuff, I'm going to assume met elsewhere, you're, you're going to other human beings. Um, if you're— if she's in the dark about that and then finds out about that, that could lead to all kinds of issues for you, my man. Um, but I can totally, uh, sympathize with you. It sucks, dude. And I'm going to presume, being here amongst us, that you've already investigated and done all you can to bridge that gap between the two of you. But for whatever reason, biologically, emotionally, or whatever, she has checked out, she has shut that down. Um, he says she doesn't know, uh, but— and you're not sure that she would care. Don't ask, don't tell. Um, yeah, this is— I've talked about that. There's a dynamic that a lot of people aren't aware of that has happened a lot in the past, and as Guitar God is, you know, sharing here, happens now. We shut it down. And if you ask her, you know, do you think your husband is, she'll sometimes, they just go, I don't wanna know. I don't wanna know. What I don't know doesn't hurt me. You're like, oh wow. I talked about in the past, some of our grandparents and great-grandparents and so forth, where like we look at their relationships and say, that's what I want. They were together for 60 damn years. Look at them, they're happy and everything else. And I had to— and I always say to people, you'd be surprised what kind of stuff's going on kind of behind the scenes that you're not aware of in those relationships. They, they were kind of hairy there. You know, Grandpa had his little thing on the side. Grandma found out about it. They don't share it with the rest of the family. And I had one guy here recently who said he heard me say something to that effect, and then he asked his grandmother, whose husband, his grandfather, died, hey Grandma, just curious, were there ever— did your grandpa ever, you know, fool around with anybody else when you guys were married or anything? And the grandma's response was, we don't talk about that. And he says, oh shit, wow, it's pretty common. And Guitar God, I guess that's a welcome to the club kind of thing. You're not alone in that. Um, it's not working between you two long term in this relationship with kids and everything else for insert a million different reasons could be why. Some as simple as she just lost attraction to her mate. Some as simple as biologically things happened to her in the form of, uh, depression meds. You know, she got depressed, went on meds, libido, bye-bye. In the form of, uh, got cancer, had a full hysterectomy, and after that, bye-bye. Early menopause set in for a variety of reasons. You know, maybe she's genetically predisposed to that, her mom did the same thing, and after that, bye-bye. There's all kinds of reasons why, um, libido and sex between a couple can go bye-bye. And from what I've seen over the years, the remedy for what to do when that happens, that varies a lot as well. And what you're describing here is one that is probably more common than what people want to believe. She doesn't even think about sex, he says, so I doubt she even thinks about the possibility I might be getting it elsewhere because she will do it with me, but you can tell it's just duty for her, so I stopped trying with her. Well, this is a very sad thing. So are you resigned, Guitar God, that this is just, it's just what you're going to be from here on out? Are you going to do this for 20, 30, 40 years? I don't know how old of a guy you are. Oh, you said how old you were, uh, was that 40s? No health issues, she just became mom and missed early signs of low libido. She had squeamishness especially. So, and was— is her mommy— mommy, why'd I say mommy— is her mother just the same? Uh, usually, probably that's the case. That's where they sit back and learn that from. And inherit a lot of the traits. Um, there's nothing necessarily wrong with being that way, is there? But it's wrong when your partner is not wired that way and your partner's like, uh, hello, I'm this way over here, and they just unilaterally go, don't care, that's not who I am. Like, well, shit, now what? And you're now what is go get some on the side. Um, this isn't sustainable, my man. Um, I'm staying for the kids. After they grow up, who knows, you say. Uh, you, if you're like a lot of guys, not all guys, but like a lot of guys that I speak to, um, you're putting yourself out there and meeting other women, you're going to fall for other women, or another woman, let's say. And then that's going to really complicate things because you're going to be like, I've all my emotion and everything else is in this person, whatever feelings of love and devotion I had, even without the lustful component, that has faded and is now being put over here to this person. So now what's left over here with, with wifey? Nothing. So what am I doing here exactly? And oh, here we go now, the old divorce and the kids and broken home. And I've seen that a lot, dude. So be careful. I mean, if you're having just a casual— it's just a physical thing with these other women, um, or woman I just assume multiple, uh, other woman for now, sure. But that's— you're a human being, dude, and from what I've seen, that changes pretty quick. Um, if I do get feels for someone, it will fade and be the same. You've taught me too much, LOL. Well, not necessarily. Uh, if you get the feels for someone, um What are the chances that they may be wired like your wife? Um, pretty good. You probably, if you're like a lot of guys in your situation, you have a type and your type tends to be misavoidant. Miss, uh, I'm not really interested in that kind of relationship once we get settled down and have kiddos. And you'll probably connect to somebody a lot the same. Um, but I'm telling you, you're going to click with one of them. And it's going to send you head over heels, and you're going to wonder what to do with wifey over there, and you're going to spend a lot more time away from wife. Wife's going to be like, I always kind of suspected, but now I know for sure what's going on. What's her name? What's the deal? You can't be taking, you know, our family funds and money and resources and applying it to her over there. That's not fair. Divorce time. It's, it's just a matter of when. Dude, so be careful. This cannot sustain, uh, for a long period of time. All right, brothers and ladies, thank you all so much for joining me. Another wonderful live. I appreciate every last one of you. Check it out, the website help4men.com. Can't get, uh, can't get much more blunt than that domain, help4men.com. And our private group for men only The Help for Men Brotherhood, HFM Brotherhood. The books, check out the books, check out the coaching on the website, all of which— by the way, the books, you could pay for them one at a time. You pay for a couple of those books and you equal the cost of joining the group for a month. You could pay for the coaching, or you could join the Brotherhood, pay the one-month fee, get all the books for free. Get the coaching for half price, plus get the discussion groups, plus get the, uh, live Zoom meetings, plus get the recordings of all the Zoom meetings, all the audiobooks, the podcast. You get to join us in person in our conferences. I don't know, dudes, it's a Friday. Sounds like a good Friday gift for yourself. Join the HFM Brotherhood, Help for Men. And if it's another bit of comfort to you, now you no longer have to explain to your wife what you're doing on the Dad Starting Over group. Are you gonna— you're gonna divorce me? What's going on? No, it's a help for men group now. Oh, that's okay. Sounds silly, but that's important to a lot of people. All right guys, thank you all so very much. I hope you have a splendiferous weekend and, uh, take care of yourselves. Thanks a bunch. A toodaloo.