Join Ralph (DSO) Live!

All right, all right, all right. Hello everyone, how are you fine folks today? Me? Oh, I'm good, doing well, thank you very much. For those that have watched me on, uh, I guess all my videos and live streams over the years you may notice a little bit different look here. I am in studio number 2. I do spend time in 2 different places, and this is the one in Texas, as my loyal fans are aware by probably when you see the little, the eggplant dude there and the books there, you realize I'm in Texas. I added a Jimi above my head there. That's Jimi Hendrix. And then anyway, uh, the camera quality way better this time. I've upgraded my equipment, lighting, and the whole 9 yards. It's still not quite 100% done yet, but, um, we're getting there, and it's definitely an upgrade from what I had before. Fight for Better Now says yeehaw! Do you hear that? I can't, I don't have my headphones in, but I hit the yeehaw button. There you go, that's for you, buddy. Hope everyone is doing well. Raffalito here, AKA Dad Starting Over, AKA DSO. Aka Ralph Brewer. Um, if you don't know, been at this for quite a while doing the old DSO thing, putting out a lot of content, writing books, the whole nine yards. Uh, hundreds and hundreds of videos, if not thousands at this point, clips that have been out there. My most popular book— my most popular thing rather that I've ever done is a book. Uh, do I spot a Pixel Watch? No, that's a, uh, Garmin. I don't know what that's called. Uh, Carmen. Anyway, uh, anywho, where was I? I got distracted by the comment. Uh, most popular thing I've ever done was a book called The Dead Bedroom Fix. So a lot of you have come to me via that book. You saw the book, you saw mentions of Dad Starting Over, Help for Men, this organization. You see the sign right there. Um, we started Help for Men as our larger organization almost a couple years ago now. The brand is far more inclusive than Dad Starting Over, the name I've been doing a lot of content under and so forth. So we started Help for Men because we got a lot of guys are like, I'm not a dad, I'm not starting over, but I like your content, I want help, I need help with a lot of other things that fall outside of the world of divorce and everything else. So here we are, Dad Starting Over Help for Men. You can learn more at— one moment please. Let me, let me show you this one here. I got these little banners all set up here. Um, we have— although The Dead Bedroom Fix, the book right here behind me, there is my most popular thing I've ever done. I've sold more of that than anything else combined. Um, you see the other couple of books there. Red Flags is a book that it's an ebook format only. It's pretty short read. Um, all of them are relatively short reads, but Red Flags is like a super short read. But anywho, um, my most favorite thing I've ever done, and we've been at this— it used to be called the DSO fraternity We have since rebranded it as the HFM Brotherhood, Help for Men Brotherhood. You can learn more at help4men.com, and you can jump right to the join page at help4men.com/join, and you can learn all about our private community that we call the HFM Brotherhood. What do we do in the Brotherhood? Well, we, uh, have private discussion forums, really, really active on Facebook, on Discord. Facebook is a private, uh, group that no one can see that you're a part of. No one can see what you put in there, so don't worry about it. Aunt so-and-so can't see what you're talking about in there. Discord, obviously very private. You have to be part of the Discord community, have a username and password and everything to get in there. We take care of all that. And, um, we also get together in live Zoom meetings. So you'll see me, I'm on there at least 3 days a week, if not more, uh, holding meetings that are at least an hour in length. And then we have other guys on the team, they also host meetings. So we got meetings galore, hundreds of them throughout the year. But here's the thing, uh, most guys aren't able to attend meetings. You know, we have hundreds and hundreds of members, but only, you know, 20 or 30 or so guys on a meeting. And we talk about all kinds of stuff. But anyway, we record all the meetings and you can listen to them like in podcast format right on your phone. So if you're the kind of guy that likes audio, you like to listen to podcasts, like to listen to audiobooks— which, by the way, all those books behind me there, the audiobook version is available to our members at no additional charge, in addition to an ebook version. Um, what else do we have? So we got the forum, we got the Zoom meetings, we got the books, we got the audiobooks, we got the recordings of the meetings. We have one-on-one coaching mentorship. You can pay me for my time. A member of the general public pays X amount of dollars for an hour of my time, an hour of all the guys on the team, their time. Members pay a big discount, big discounted price. So there's another benefit to joining. We also get together in person. We have annual conferences, which, by the way, do I have the— yes, I do. Our annual conferences in the United States, we call BroFest. Then we also have them in Australia, we call them MateFest. Get it? Bro, good day, mate. Anyway, uh, we just had our 5th annual one in Charleston, South Carolina. And we are getting ready to have our 6th annual one in Louisville, Kentucky. So I'm putting it up here because not only are members invited, but the general public is invited. You can join us, see what our group's all about, come see a conference, hang out with the dudes. It'll be myself giving some presentations. Let me back up there. The event is typically— we have an event space where we all get together, presentations, workshops, your typical standard conference type of stuff. And then when the day is done with that, we usually get together and hang out together for dinner and drinks and stuff like that. Guys split up into different groups. Sometimes it's, you know, real big group here, real big group there, or all of us together, whatever it may be. This will be the same for 2026. The only difference is we're saying, hey, you don't have to be a member to join us. Come on, check it out. There's a fee involved. You can learn more at brofest2026.com. I'll be there, other members of the team will be there, fellow members or non-members will be there— attendees, I should say. In addition to that, we also have, uh, Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy. He will be joining us, hanging out for the whole weekend, all those presentations, workshops. He'll be putting them on, putting on some as well, and then hanging out with us after the fact. You guys know, uh, Lauren, The Dadvocate. You ever see The Dadvocate? And she puts out like hundreds and hundreds of videos. She has millions of followers all over the world. TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, all that good stuff. She'll be joining us as well. Uh, looking forward to that. And then we have a gentleman who's relatively new in our world, but I really think a lot of him and his material and what he does— his work, rather. Adam Nissenson calls himself the Betrayal Shrink. So he helps out guys that are dealing with— oh, dealing with the betrayal of their ex who cheated on them. Hopefully ex and not current spouse. And he also helps out dudes with the issue of sex addiction. So pretty cool stuff. So I'm looking forward to seeing what he has to offer and what he has to bring to the table. Brofest2026.com. So check it out, brofest2026.com. So check it out, guys. I see we're getting more and more folks joining us. Welcome everybody. If you could, um, pause for a moment and go down below wherever you're watching this, you YouTube, Facebook— where else am I doing this? X or Twitter, whatever it's called now. If you could give me a like— back of my head is killing me today. A little— got a little tension headache. Um, give me a like, give me a share, uh, give me a subscribe, give me a follow. That helps. That tells the Facebooks and the YouTubes of the world that this thing is worthy of other people seeing it, and it will show my pages and so forth to more and more people. So give me a like, for the two of you that have liked me so far, thank you, appreciate it so much. But would love to see all the rest of you give me a like. Done. Take anything, just done, right? Thank you. Mr. Andrew says howdy, and we got Mr. Andrew from just south of Tampa, Florida. Well, I gotta— I got a Tampa connection somewhat there, Mr. Andrew. I was born overseas. My father was American military, my mom's from Spain. I've mentioned that here many times. And when I was about 3 years old, we moved to the States. And when we very first moved to the States, we moved to Brandon, Florida, which is just outside of Tampa. So I'm sure you know where Brandon is and everything. I haven't been back since, so it's not like I have some kind of connection there, no family there or anything. I, to this day, I don't know why we went there. My father passed away at a young age, so I never got the full story. I have to ask my mom one day, what is it with, you know, Brandon, Florida? But anyway, um, Where are the rest of you guys from? Always cool to hear where everybody's from. We tend to have people from all over the world on here. So far we're looking at the Southeast United States with Florida and Tennessee. I would love to hear, uh, what, uh, where everybody else is from. Always cool to see, uh, folks from all over the world. All right, and thank you for joining me here today. How these typically these lives go— Mr. Scott from Utah, very cool. Hey Scott, just curious, are you a Mormon by any chance? Not— this isn't an insult in any way, it just— it's an observation of mine anecdotally when I work one-on-one with guys. It's because they have a lot of relationship issues and dead bedrooms and so forth. I talk to a lot of Mormons and ex-Mormons from your neck of the woods, so that's why I asked. I'm just curious if I have attracted yet another Mormon brother out there. So welcome. Um, anywho, where was I? So always cool to see guys from all over the place, but how these things typically work is you guys ask questions. So you'll type in the little comments there, or on YouTube on the chat, or whatever. My program, it pulls all the comments here together on one screen, and, um, would love to, uh, hear from you. Ask questions, share your story, whatever it may be, and then I, you know, proceed to blab on and on about it. And then maybe cut this up into clips later on. You'll say like, hey, there's Ralph talking about my little thing. Yeah, that's me, bald blabbing dude that apparently loves to hear himself talk. Um, So anyway, if you got any questions, anything at all, please don't hesitate. Ask me anything. I'm here for you. Maybe it's a comment on some kind of video, you want clarification on something you've seen me post. Maybe it's just, Ralph, here's my situation, what do you think, buddy? Maybe it's one of those, I, I feel so unique and weird because this is what I'm going through, and then you'll find out, oh wow, everybody else is going through the same thing too. Uh, Andrew's from Apollo Beach. I wish I knew where that was. I don't. I'm I'm sorry, I don't really know that area at all. Um, but, uh, yeah, anyway, guys, don't be shy. Uh, there's been a couple of these where people are really quiet and no one came forth with anything, and then I, you know, would blab on and on, and then I ran out of stuff to blab about, and I'm like, all right, let's cut this short. So these, we can make these like a 15-20 minute thing, or we can make these an hour thing, guys. It's up to you. Please don't be shy. I'm here for you. Um, yeah, it's not often that I do these. I try to do these once a week maybe more. Skip a week or two here and there, you know, with life. And I had a vacation here not too long ago. We went for a couple weeks overseas. So, uh, try to do what I can there. But thank you all for following, joining, and everything else. We've lost a few people. Oh my gosh, I'm starting to bore people. Guys, give me something to talk about. Don't be shy. Hello, says Grant. Well, hello, Mr. Grant. How you doing, buddy? Good to see you. Don't know you, good to see you. Welcome. Looks like we got a good mix of Facebook, YouTube. Very good, cool. And then I can actually show your comment on screen. All right. Hey, we got Mr. Chris saying you're in a dead bedroom. Sorry to hear that. And for those that don't know what the heck— don't know the term or what the heck it is, just what it sounds like. Dead bedroom, sexless marriage, you know, life in the old bedroom, right? Relatively common in the world of people in long-term marriages. So, um, he says your kid is about to graduate, will it get any better? I don't know, dude, probably not. Um, the question is, how long has this been going on? Are you guys like actively trying like to deal with this? You know, there is this, um, stereotype or, oh, a commonly heard story of— in my world at least, let's be honest Um, there's a dude that really still has a lot of physical needs in that department, if you know what I mean. He really wants to get it on with his wife. She says no, no, no. And, uh, often it just persists for years and years until finally he goes, I can't do this anymore, we're divorcing, and away they go. Um, sometimes there's infidelity, strangely, even on the part of the apparently sexually dormant woman. That's the real mind-fuck to a lot of guys, all the way to the man cheating because of said dead bedroom in part, and all kinds of issues. But sometimes we we have the issue of people in a sexless marriage, and they're actively, like, believe it or not, working through it. Um, whether— usually, statistically, it's not always the case, as a lot of women love to point out to me. I know, I know, I get it. But the stats show is that typically, if you had to put your money on, um, which spouse is the lower libido or the one denying, you know, affection in that way, it's usually the woman saying, I'm not feeling it. It's usually the dude pursuing and saying, but I want more of it. Uh, but anyway, sometimes, not often in my world, but sometimes we have a couple, like a couple that are like, you know, we recognize this is something that's not sustainable, this is not healthy. Woman may sit, maybe raise her hand and say, I got a problem, I'm working through this, I'm going to the doctor, looking at the hormonal thing, going to therapy, maybe there's some kind of issue I have work to work on, or whatever it may be. And part of that story they tell themselves. Uh, maybe, you know, what's— what a real big mood killer is for us as a couple, usually one of them, not them both as a couple, is the presence of the kids in the home. Way too overwhelmed, too anxious, too this and that, uh, because of kids. When kids leave, cross our fingers, we reconnect in that way. Does that happen? I'm sure it does for some folks, but often what I've seen is like, no, it It doesn't. Um, you can't just have a many-year relationship where you guys aren't touching each other and then suddenly go, all right, back to touching. It doesn't work that way for most folks, from what I've seen. Uh, Lisa says, I am seeing a guy and he is married. Well, this just got good, guys. He says for 8 years that he's not been getting anything. Oof. He has kids, they live in Spain. Oh, España. Uh, I am hurt every time he goes. They live in Spain, the family lives in Spain. Oh, is he like here in the States or wherever it is you are, Lisa, like for work or whatever? And you're his— you're a side gal, you're his side piece, my friend. Sorry. Um, this is something that is really, uh, if you go online, there are forums and so forth which every now and then somebody will link me to some kind of story or post, rather, in one of these groups. One of the most popular, which is just a powder keg of interesting— powder keg's not the right word— it's a treasure trove of really cool, interesting stories from the perspective of people who cheat. Um, and that is on Reddit, you know, the big monster website. Go to reddit.com if you don't know what I'm talking about. R-E-D-D-I-T, I think. And, um, I think there's just one T in Reddit, right? Yeah. And they have little sub-forums that they call subreddits. And one of the little sub-forums is all about adultery, and it's called Adultery. And it's from the perspective of the adulterer, and they all get together and talk about this stuff. Super interesting. One thing you see on there all the time is women that are actively engaged in affairs with married men and they are just heartbroken that married guy just still stays attached to his wife and his kids and everything else, that he is not dropping that for the mistress. That's what she is. And it takes a lot of her peers, so to speak, in that group to point out to her, you are not his main squeeze, you're not his wife, you're not the person he made all these— all this love and commitment to and had kids with and intertwined— excuse me— intertwined his life with and the finances and everything else. You are, sweetheart, his side piece. You're his lover. You're, you're the— you're his distraction from all that shit. You are the little extra spice to his life. You ain't the main ingredient. She and his kids are the, the, the big portion of the plate. You're this little side thing. You're a little dessert, and you always will be. He's gonna go for Christmas, he's gonna do this, and then he— you're gonna have to see family pictures of him online and all this other stuff. And that's what I would say to you. Um, that's never going to change, Elisa. I hope you understand that. Uh, it sucks, I know, but, um, when you get involved in that world, it's a whole lot of heartbreak, my friend. Uh, Scott says— Scott from Facebook, rather— he says he's in the situation of trying to win— I'll read this as Scott— in the situation of trying to win my wife back after she said she wants a divorce. Your channel has been good to realize that she broke up with me over a year ago when she said she was done. Yeah, it's tough, isn't it, buddy? Um, you know, those situations, oftentimes it's after the wife leaves, has affair, whatever it may be, that the man is, you know, licking his wounds and sitting alone in the house and starts, you know, reminiscing about times, good times, bad times. And he realizes, yeah, I should have seen this shit coming because so many months or years ago she said this, she did this, I caught her doing that. Writing's been on the wall forever. What the hell? You know, don't, don't beat yourself up too much. Um, you're like a lot of guys, you love the woman, probably still do have love in your heart for her. Probably. If you didn't, that'd be weird. Um, it just— it's difficult to come to terms with the fact that it's over. Sucks. Sorry you're going through that. Uh, Grant from YouTube says, my lady always wanted it 5 times a day, every day. Then she left me for either a tattooed cover Oh, my ladies, plural. Pardon me. So this has happened to you more than once. They— oh, you got with a very hypersexual— hypersexual women, multiple women, and then they left you for either tattooed, covered face, forehead, the lot, out-of-jail felon dude, or a rich nasty guy. So Grant, what do we learn from that, buddy? Not, not to blame the victim here, so to speak, or kick you while a man's down, or whatever analogy here, but You got a type, my friend. Probably chaotic, emotionally damaged human beings. And yes, there is a correlation between hypersexual behavior— this is not a, a shaming or damnation or whatever the term is of sexuality in people, especially women. That's how a lot of women hear when they hear guys like me talk about this. They think you're shaming women sexually, women who are sexual human beings. No, it's just a, a matter of scientific fact that when we see Um, oh, such things such as, um, past sexual abuse, for example, uh, which may lead to something like borderline personality disorder or something along those lines, some kind of personality disorder. Again, no fault of their own, but it often correlates with hypersexual behavior. Uh, women that are very, quote unquote, easy— you can go from 0 to 100 with them like, like that. And, um, that's very intoxicating to a lot of men, to be with a woman like that. Woman who is so validating and so sexual and so over the top, makes you feel like a king. And it sounds like you may be susceptible to that, so to speak. Some guys have the tools in their toolbox to go, this is weird, like, this behavior out of you. Like, I barely know you and you're wanting to do all this like right away and stuff. Like, something's up here. But it may be— and I may be way off base here— but it may be, Grant, that in others, like, you don't have that tool in the toolbox, and you're just like, makes me feel good, woohoo. Some therapists may say that it points to a narcissistic streak in you. They stroke your ego and so forth. And but I, I fight back on that. I go, you don't understand, dudes, that's so relatively rare in our world. To get a taste of that is so very difficult to let that go, even when red flags are just flying in your face. So not to beat you up too much, but then the fact that they leave you for, you know, psychos and whatever shows you you got a type, dude. You got to figure out why that is and what you can do to change your taste, so to speak, in mates. Otherwise you're going to keep doing this. Lisa says he lives in the UK. But he's going to Spain. He goes back every 4 days here. The re— I don't understand. Okay, so the guy's going back and forth, whatever it may be. That's, that's a moot point. Uh, the point is that it's always going to be that case. You guys will never be a couple, Lisa. I hope you understand that. And John says, don't make— don't date married men. They're looking— they're not looking for another wife, they're looking for a plaything, a distraction. Again, that I've talked about this plenty, uh, when in a long-term monogamous relationship, marriage, um, you, if, if you're like most human beings, you lose some, if not a lot, of the aspects of the early relationship honeymoon stage that got you so hooked on them. That over-the-top lustfulness, sexuality, romance, that super connected feeling that tends to dissipate and dwindle away with time, especially with stress and kids and everything else. Some people have a much more difficult time dealing with that or coming to terms with that compared to other people. Some people have a really, a really good network of people in their background. They're very secure individuals that they realize this is just a natural progression of a long-term relationship, no biggie. Well, other people take it personally. They're very insecure, they're very anxious in nature, and they say, if this person is not 24/7 on top of me, something's wrong. Something is very much— very— something very crucial is missing, a part of this equation here of life, and I need that in order to function. Absolutely need it, or else I get depressed, I start questioning everything. I need that little extra spice. Those people cheat like crazy, those people gamble, those people overeat. Overspend. They always need that spike, that dopamine spike. And, um, that's what Mr. John here was alluding to. Like, those men, you're his plaything, you're that little spike, a little feel-good spike. But he also recognizes he needs, or he cannot let go of, that stable, secure aspect of life and with his married family. Um, that's just the way he's going to be, and he's always going to be I'm gonna mute here while I move my microphone. Pardon me for a second. All right, back. Okay, so I'm going through— got a lot of comments here, guys. Thank you, this is awesome. So now I have like a menu of comments to choose from here. Irv, I see Irv. Hey, we got Mr. Gert from the Netherlands. Welcome, welcome. And Mr. Paul, you are identifying some things in your ex-mate there, um, you think points to some narcissism on her part. Hear that a lot. That's a term that's thrown around a lot. I think if we kind of dissect it, it means she was an asshole. Doesn't necessarily mean she's a full-blown narcissist. That's a term used by both genders a little bit too much. Um, but she may be, I don't know. Uh, and Lisa, you say the guy says he loves you. Um, could be he feels genuine love. Um, in connection to you, sure. But that doesn't change the fact that he's never going to leave his family. Probably not. Some men do, sure. Um, I've mentioned on here before that years ago I knew of a, of an older man in his 70s who left his wife, but all his kids were grown and everything else. Um, left his wife for a woman that was 40 years his junior. How about that? That was, that was some drama in our little circle, that's for sure. Um, is he in fact a Spaniard? Uh, Lisa, I don't know if you know this, I'm half Spanish, my mother's from Spain, so I know that world well. And Mr. Gert here says, uh, Lisa, a Spanish man not getting any? You do realize that's a bit strange. You do realize that he's using you. Uh, using you, I would agree with. Um, not, not all Spanish men are Casanovas and Don Juans, you know, there's lots of different kinds of Spanish men, just like there's lots of different, you know, men in the Netherlands, in the US, and so forth. They're not all natural lovers, that's for sure. Um, and then Irv points out, yeah, it's only like a very small percentage of the population that are actual, uh, uh, narcissists. Oh, Lisa, well, this is an interesting twist in this. He is a Muslim man living in Spain. All right, I thought the Spanish kicked out the Moors years ago. That's a bad joke. Oh, okay, Lisa, this, this just keeps going and going, doesn't it? Uh, this is the soap opera known as Lisa here. Um, he can have up to 4 wives. Sure, that— I guess that's true. Um, from what I understand, talking to some of my Muslim brothers, um, that, uh, uh I guess in, in the— is it something that's in the Quran, I assume, that says that yes, you're allowed to have up to 4 wives? I'm not sure where the number 4 came from. Maybe logistically somebody along the line figured that was the, that was the limit before you start losing it. But, um, you have to take care of all 4. You can't have like Lisa, the side piece you see on occasion, she has her job, she has her thing, but she's just my side piece, and then this, this is the wife that I pay money for and the mortgage for and the food for the kids. No, it's like you have to take care equally all of them is what I understand the Muslim law says, so to speak. I may be wrong. Any Muslim, um, brothers, sisters on here that want to correct me, please do so. Um, Fight for Better Now says, to the woman, Lisa, who's dating the married man, regardless how you feel or how he feels, he's still in a committed relationship. To be very blunt, you're spending your sexual capital on a man who cannot— I guess you mean cannot commit. That's it, Lisa. You're, um, uh, You only have so many years, my friend, on this planet. And, uh, if your goal is to have a traditional, committed, long-term monogamous relationship with a man and have a partner to go through life with, it— he ain't the one, sister. The guy who leaves his family on occasion to go meet his side piece and then go back to his family and all this other stuff, it's— that ain't it, sweetie. You can do better, Lisa, and what you need to do is figure out— try to figure out why it is that you're in this relationship with this guy like this. I know you're throwing in the— a lot of right turns and curveballs with, you know, most of them 4 wives, and regardless, yeah. Um, hmm. Oh, and we got Mr. Paul from— you say you're from Belfast, Northern Ireland. Very cool. Hello to you, sir. I had a, uh, I got an interesting Irish story. It's interesting to me. Um, I have a cousin Natalia in Spain. I haven't talked to her in years, but I remember when I was a kid, she was one of the few in my family who could speak English well enough to communicate with me when I would go over there as a kid, like for a few summers here to visit with them. And so I would be attached to her and talk to Natalia, but her accent when she spoke English was really weird. And, um, difficult to describe until finally I learned, I think from her dad or from somebody, why she sounded different is that she was learning Irish English. And I— it never occurred to me like, oh wow, people can learn British English. Which, I have a friend of my wife's who is German, but she knows English, and when she speaks English, she speaks with a fluent British accent. I always thought that was interesting, but I never thought of somebody learning English and speaking with an Irish accent who's not Irish, but she did. Natalia did. I was like, that was always cool. Ah, and no, I don't speak any other languages. I'm trying to learn German, but that's— yeah, and I can somewhat understand Spanish, but to say I'm a Spanish speaker would be a huge stretch. I apologize if I'm looking off screen here, guys. I'm looking at comments. I'm sure I've missed some. Mr. Simon says, we used to talk about shit tests years ago. So let me pause there in your, in your comment. What the heck is that? Um, men for years have, uh, come to the conclusion that women in our lives— sticking with this concept of shit tests— tend to say things to us, do things to us, in order to kind of sit back and, let's see how this guy responds. Um, some women have overtly admitted to doing so. I'm going to say this to the guy and see if he's truly committed. I'm going to say this to the guy to see if he backs down and see what kind of a— what he's made of type of thing. Some psychologists, therapists, and such may push back on that, saying that's actually a sign of some not so good stuff. Mentally healthy, secure individuals don't test other individuals. That's, that's not a good thing. And when you get that, your answer should be, I'm out of here, goodbye. While others say, like myself, I say it's actually not a gender-specific thing. A phrase I often use is everybody tests everyone if you're looking for it. And we as men tend to view life and life struggles a little differently compared to women. I'm overgeneralizing, but this is what I've seen, my perspective on this. So you'll have a guy that'll be like, everything was going swimmingly, blah blah blah blah blah, and then a boss told me I'm getting laid off. Life has really thrown a test at me. Let's get to work, let's hit the streets, let's do the resume thing, let's get on the phone. I'm not going to let this knock me down. He sees that as a real life challenge. Life If you want to say the boss specifically has challenged me, let's see what you're made of, dude. I'm going to show them what I'm made of. You can— that's like a bigger picture thing, not so specific, but you can whittle that down or take that mindset and apply it to little specific moments. Um, the example I often give is this, and this is a relatively real— it's funny, is I used to use this all the time, and I used to have men all the time come to me and say, this exact freaking thing happened to me, dude. You get hired by a boss who tells you in no uncertain terms you're never going to work weekends. That— and you're like, good, because my previous job I had to work like 7 days a week, all these weekends, and I almost lost my marriage over this. It was so debilitating and stressful, and I told myself I'm never going to do that again. So it's good to hear, Mr. Boss, that you say we don't work weekends. Thank you. 5 days a week is plenty. I, I agree to work for you, Mr. Boss Man. You get the job, and 2, 3 weeks later the guy goes, we're going to need you to come in on Saturday, we got a big all-hands-on-deck project, we all need to be here, sorry. You can view that as, uh, well, it is what it is, I gotta work, I don't want to lose this job, it was difficult getting a job, oh well. Or you can say, this is one of those life tests. Or you can more specifically say, I think boss is testing me here. Kind of silly, but that's how a lot of men look at a lot of these things. And you could be the guy who goes to the boss and say, look, we had a deal, dude. When I got hired on by you, you very specifically said no weekends. That's in part why I took this job. Okay, now you're telling me coming Saturday, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to shake your hand and say this job ain't for me, buddy. But I appreciate your time. I appreciate you giving me a chance, but I'm gonna have to say no. Now he may go, whoa, This guy's for real. I respect this dude, sticks to his word, blah blah blah. This is a guy I cannot walk all over. Uh, this is a guy I have this much more respect for. Or he may say, this guy's not a real team player, F this dude, I'm going to this dude over here, this dude over here gets the raise, not you, whatever. Or he may say, you're fired, get out of here. The case can be made it's still the right thing to do regardless of the consequence, but easy for me to say, I'm not the one who's potentially losing a job or whatever. So that's an example of somebody or something in the world testing you, see what you're made of. And we take that and apply it to the ladies in our life. And another example I often give is, um, you're on a date with somebody, a woman— and this is a very realistic thing, by the way— and you're having dinner, drinks, whatever, everything's great. And she's like, tell me something more about yourself, what do you do for fun, or whatever, blah blah blah. You mentioned your job, but you don't talk about being fun. You go, oh, I actually love motorcycles. I've ridden my motorcycle all over the world. I got a Harley-Davidson, blah blah blah. And she rolls her eyes and goes, oh Christ, motorcycles are so freaking stupid. My ex-husband rode a motorcycle and he got in a big accident. Ah, what is with you guys and the motorcycles? And you could, you know, jokingly go along with that and be like, well, excuse me, Miss Whatever, blah blah blah, and laugh it off. And it is what it is. Or you can take that really seriously and be like, eff you, woman, and flip the table over and leave or whatever, you know. Um, or you can do what a lot of guys do, unfortunately, which is, oh shit, I'm about to lose this woman, I better change my, my tune completely in order so she doesn't run away and get scared. Um, it's hard for me to get a date, and so next thing you know, you're throwing your favorite hobby, motorcycle riding, under the bus. Yeah, yeah, it's stupid, I know, blah blah blah, midlife crisis, yeah, yeah, one of these days I'll stop, I know, it's dumb, buddy of mine got in an accident too. Um, yeah, I'm trying to be a bad boy, I guess, blah blah. And you just go on and on. And she, hearing that, would have every reason to go, I don't know about this dude. He just told me his passion's this, I told him I didn't like it, he's already thrown under the bus. Test failed. Um, he's, he's acting erratically and angry and throwing a big hissy fit and throwing the food against the wall and blah blah. Whoa, what kind of psycho is this? Test failed, versus the guy who just laughs it off and just says, whatever, I'm going to keep riding my motorcycle, you want to go with me and you can ride in the back, test passed. That's how a lot of guys view such moments. Whether that's ridiculous, that's silly, that's nonsense, that's up to you, but that's how we see these things. Um, yeah, we don't talk about that much anymore. That's kind of an oldie pickup artist, artisty game quote-unquote kind of thing of, you know, picking up women and how to deal with women, how to get laid by women, and all this other stuff, um, kind of goes along with that. But those are some of the most common ones I see, and a lot of them can be shooed away by sticking to your word, sticking to who you are, not taking things so personally, and on and on. Fight for Better Now says, I am correct about the Muslim wife thing. If he has multiple wives, he has to provide each one equally. So if he buys a house, he has to buy all of them a house. Holy shit, that sounds expensive. Here's a big question from Mr. Kevin on Facebook. Thank you, Kevin. Why is it so hard to pull the plug when you know it's not working? A multifaceted thing. One is you're a human being who is bonded with another human being, and when that happens, there's like a cascading series of events in the body and brain that keeps you hooked with them. It's almost akin to addiction, and they're your fix. You feel normal day to day. You know, there's a point with— it's very analogous to drugs. Like, uh, like an opiate, like heroin or something like that. When a heroin addict first takes the drug, he feels like he's— he could walk on clouds. He's never felt so good. He feels euphoric, kind of like falling in love, isn't it? And early stage of the relationship, the honeymoon phase, oh, heaven on earth, we feel amazing. And then with time, like with the heroin user taking his drug, after a while it's I don't feel so euphoric anymore. I just feel normal. And if I stop taking my drug, I feel sick. I'm gonna throw up. I feels like the world is spinning. I don't know if you've seen the movie Trainspotting. It does an excellent job of showing what heroin addict goes through in withdrawal. And kind of the same thing with being attached to a loved one. It's interesting. You were so in love. Now you just feel normal day to day with them. To the point of almost being annoyed by them, to the point where you're like, I don't care if they leave or go. But when they go, uh-oh, this don't feel good, does it? I don't care how tough you are, it's a tough thing to go through. And so that's in part why it's, it's difficult. Another part is it's more difficult for some of us than it is for others. I've mentioned this many times, there is a subset of my, um, audience, the audience of men's self-help stuff in general A big portion of our audience, believe it or not, are what we call neurodivergent. Those are the guys that have ADHD, those are the guys that are on the autism spectrum, have obsessive-compulsive disorder, all kinds of things. And all these, while they don't sound like they're, you know, obsessive-compulsive, ADHD, and autism don't really sound very connected, they do have a lot in common, believe it or not. And one of the things that they have in common is, um, how they navigate relationships. And we notice a lot of little commonalities between them. One is that they fall in love very quickly, very hard. And number two is, um, they take rejection and breakups and so forth way harder than your typical neurotypical dude. So if you're of that variety of dude, which there's nothing wrong with, it just means you're wired a little differently, that may be in part why it just seems so damn hard. But for this dude over here, he's just like, dude, like, get over already. It's somewhat complicated thing, plus the baggage you bring to the table. You may have childhood trauma, you may have all kinds of other issues, you may be bipolar, who knows what it may be. And, um, that makes things a little bit more difficult than the other dude. Hmm, I am, uh Scrolling here, people are talking to each other, it's throwing me off. Benjamin from Facebook says, I was the average nice guy. First few years of marriage were good— was good, I think you mean were good, years plural, were. Anyway, then it eventually turned into a dead bedroom and we entered roommate phase. Ouch. After trying to fix the marriage for years without any improvement, I fixed the nice guy syndrome and separated. Now she's all over me and trying to fix all the damage that's been done. There was a lot more to it, but that's the short version, he says. Yeah, um, I don't know if this is necessarily your situation, Mr. Benjamin, but it's one that I hear a lot, and it is not unique to my audience by any stretch of the imagination. And that is avoidant— let's stick with avoidant man, or pardon me, Anxious man, avoidant wife. So once the honeymoon phase ends, you know, you pointed out the 3-year mark, um, right? Married for 3 years, the first few years of marriage were good. Okay, so honeymoon phase, literally, yeah, we're connected, it's great. Then as things get comfortable and secure and familiar and boring, you just notice like they just sexually die out. You're like, this ain't the woman I married, this ain't the woman I, you know, proposed to. Who the hell is this? And, um, that's avoidant 101. When things get real, things get serious, things get secure, they just check out in that way. And then you're like, adiós, I'm out of here, bye. Now you're suddenly not so secure available anymore, are you? And then they come to life. And when you leave them and you're no longer hanging all over them, now they tend to reminisce and they think about what? All the good stuff they're missing. Guarantee you, if you're like most, if that applies to you and if that rings a bell, um, there's a lot more to what it means to be an anxious guy and what it means to be an avoidant, but you get the idea. Here's what happens. Super honeymoon phase again, almost like a hysterical bonding phase. Something that threatens this, the, the sanctity of the relationship and the connection, often results in a heightened sense of sexuality between the two and emotional closeness. People. Like, for example, uh, wife cheats, they say, let's work on this relationship, and then they notice, like, for several weeks, like, they've never been more sexual and connected before. It's very weird. And then it just stops. It drops off a cliff. You'll see some semblance of this if you get back with her, which is, we're super connected, everything's great, woohoo. And then you'll notice, like, shit, 6 months later, goddamn, we're right back where we used to be. That's what I see for a lot of people in these situations. But maybe not. Chris, I'm not laughing at you, but this is— I chuckle because it's such a common question. You guys are hitting me with all the, the good— you know, if I had to write a book on all the stuff that, uh, I've, I've seen over the years, you guys are writing the chapters to the book here. Chris from Facebook says, is there a chance that once you fix yourself and the nice guy— another word for codependent, Mr. Pushover, or whatever you say to your kind of guy— over, uh over-agreeable dude. Read No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover, more on the topic. It's all about codependence. It's not about being a good dude, it's about being a manipulative pushover, all that good stuff. But anyway, he says, um, once you fix the nice guy, that you might not actually want your partner anymore. Is there a chance of that? And you wondered why you dealt with and stayed so long. Yes, Chris, it's called moving from anxious over to secure individual, potentially. And once you do that, there is a phenomenon that we call going from, I guess you could say, pedestalization, um, making them holier than thou, seeing just all the good in them, like they're just the most amazing thing and you can't live without them, quote unquote. And then as you become more secure, we notice that that pedestalization or idealization, if you want to use that term, now becomes what we call devaluation. Suddenly they're the— they were the greatest thing. Now you work on your self-esteem, your sense of worth. You go to therapy. You're hanging out with more friends. Yes, you take care of some of the superficial stuff, and you physically look better. You're more confident. You're walking taller., and suddenly you come home to the woman or man that's not been treating you so well over all these years, and you go, what the fuck am I doing with this person? Why all these years did I put up with this? Number 1, look at them. Yuck. Number 2, listen to them, how they talk to me and how they treat me. What, what have I been doing? Yes, dude, I hear this daily. Very, very common thing. The struggle, it seems to be, for a lot of guys is not going into full-blown asshole, treat them like dirt and step on them on the way out the door kind of feeling. A more adult-loving way, because usually they're the parent, co-parent to your children, mother to your children, and so forth. You have to treat them with a modicum of respect, for goodness sakes. They're a fellow human being. I know they may have been a dipshit or asshole all these years, but, you know, shake hands and say, this ain't gonna work anymore for the following reasons. No, I don't have any interest in— sorry, watch is going off— no, I don't have any reason or inclination to working on us for the following reasons, blah, blah, blah. Shake hands and just say, let's go about our merry way, let's divorce, and let's do this amicably. Here's a divorce agreement, blah, blah, blah, whatever it may be. That seems to be tough. A lot of guys, you know, maybe cheat right away. I'm going to get back at her and go out and get me some outside of this relationship, or you know, really rub it in her face, whatever it may be. I see that quite often from a lot of guys. So they go from Mr. Nice Guy, pushover, yes dear, whatever you say dear, to like super asshole, almost avoidant and angry dude. And as always, the sweet spot seems to be somewhere in the middle. Mr. Secure Dude, that's how I see it anyway. Thanks for the reply. That's exactly what it's like. I still feel bad for hurting her feelings though. That's normal. I've never felt more free once we separated. Well, good for you. Hmm. My, uh, Mr. Patrick from Facebook says, my wife started dating behind my back in March. Is that another word for cheating? I caught her with the new guy with our house camera. Uh, she told me I never loved her and she didn't consider this cheating. She has extreme anger issues too. Well, Patrick, you could have summarized all that with, uh, my ex-wife has problems, period, done. Um, much of that has nothing to do with you, my friend, other than you got with and stuck with a woman like this. Um, any of you guys listening to this that are going through uh, your wife cheating on you, you may want to check this out completely free. I'm not trying to milk you for money or whatever, dudes. Check this out completely free. I might— we have a little— I bought the domain, but it goes to the Help for Men website, mywifecheated.com. It's a little mini course all about discovering your spouse cheated, uh, mywifecheated.com. And several videos you can sit back and watch me talk all about this wonderful world of discovering that your spouse cheated on you, right? So check it out. Um, but anywho, real quick, um, not always, but with the audience that I attract, the men that I attract, and it seems to be there's a certain type of gal that they tend to get with. And yes, these gals, it's not unusual for them to cheat and do all kinds of bad things. And one of the oh-so-wonderful side effects of discovering said cheating is the way that the women tend to kind of rub it in the face, the way the women kind of further blame you for their doing what they did to hurt— the thing that hurt you. You would expect them to do something to the effect of, yeah, you caught me, my bad, I didn't do it to hurt you, I did it because, you know, I fell for this guy and blah blah blah, totally my fault, I take full responsibility for it. I understand if you want to divorce me or whatever, but if you want to give me a chance and work on this, I get it. But yes, totally my fault, nothing to do with you, dude. Um, and on and on. But instead it's number one, no, I was— I didn't do it. They deny, deny, deny. You keep bringing evidence and they're like, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. And then finally like, all right, fine, but the reason I did is because of you. This bad thing and that bad thing, this bad thing. And then sometimes the bad things they mention like never happen. And and you're like, what? And you realize they're kind of rewriting history as a way to absolve themselves of some of the guilt that they inevitably feel for doing what they did, because sometimes it involves, you know, destroying a family and kids and looking bad in the eyes of their community and friends. That's very important to a lot of gals. So they will literally change reality to accommodate their feelings and to make themselves not so feel so bad about what they did. Some of what they say to you is true, some of it is completely fabricated, and you're just like, what the hell? Sometimes they treat you well, the next day they treat you like dirt. The grand solution in all this is just let it go in one ear, out the other. It's crazy. You'll never understand it, nor do you want to understand it, because trying to understand it will drive you nuts in the process. Distance as much as humanly possible. When they send you the text message that is 9 screens long, you just delete. It's nothing in there of value that you need to read unless it has to do with the kids Or is this some kind of logistical financial thing with a divorce? There's literally no reason to communicate with them. They will just literally, it seems like, go out of their way to hurt you. It's a very toxic thing. It's usually a temporary thing that it may go on for, seem like, a couple, 3 years or whatever, but it still doesn't go on forever. And you realize this person's got problems. Homegirl's got issues, as I often say. And you don't need to be a part of it. One of the huge positives of said split is that you're no longer in their life, so you don't have to deal with a lot of the negatives that come with being with them. One is dealing with all the crazy bullshit. So shoo, delete the old gray rock, as we call it, which is when they bombard you with all this crazy negative horseshit, you just sit there like a rock and just go 'Okay, I'll pick up the kid on Wednesday.' You don't play along. You don't do any of that. It drives them nuts. But eventually, you know what happens? They realize that you're no fun anymore. They're not getting a rise out of you, so they stop trying. And, um, the alternative to that is to literally go nuts. Some guys literally, you know, start questioning their sanity. 'She's saying this? Did that really happen? I don't remember it that way. Maybe I did do that. Oh my gosh, am I crazy? Am I a cheater? I don't know.' and on and on and on. Like, I've heard it all. And you have to sit these men down and go, you just got, you know, totally bamboozled here. You need to stop talking to this woman. So that's what I would say to Mr. Patrick and others that are going through that. Uh, Mr. Ray from New Zealand, he says good morning. Good morning, Mr. Ray, how'd it do? We got Brad from Destin. Been there, done that. I prefer Seaside to Destin, as I've said many times on here. I don't know why Destin always comes up. Maybe you're on here frequently, Mr. Brad, but welcome. And Patrick, you say your wife. I— but here's, here's a habit to get into. Ex— put a little ex- before wife. And Patrick, if your wife is on your Facebook— I see you're commenting from Facebook— um, if you're— you and your wife are on Facebook and you got a profile and it still shows you guys, you know, wonderfully together, and time to delete. Time to move on, or shut your, you know, profile down completely so no one needs to see what you're doing. Don't follow her, stop following her, block her if you have to. Um, it's for your own well-being. It's not, it's not just to be, you know, a dickhead about and get back at her. It's for your mental well-being to limit contact as much as humanly possible. Get to it, mister. And, uh, you could go on and on and on, I'm sure, with crazy story after crazy story, the things she said, the things she did. Just let it go, dude. It is what it is. No amount of, uh, you and I, you know, pissing and moaning about it, our exes or whatever, will change the fact that it is what it is. They went all nutty and did what they did. Oh well. Uh, anything else, ladies and germs? It's been about an hour already. She already blocked you. Yeah, good. That's good. You don't know it, but good for her and good for you. She's moved on, man. You too. You should too. Um, Anything else, ladies and germs? Already been about an hour. Goes by fast, I know. Uh, let's see, mywifecheated.com is the, uh, uh, free course. There's another free course that I have that you guys may like, deadbedroomfixcourse.com. It's actually a longer one. This one's like 10 separate videos that you can watch me talking all about the, uh, the awesome, unfortunately common, uh, phenomena of, uh, the old dead bedroom, the The Sexless Marriage. Um, I wrote the book The Dead Bedroom Fix. You can learn more at deadbedroomfix.com or get the course for free at deadbedroomfixcourse.com. Dead bedroom fix course dot com, all one word there. Absolutely free, no charge whatsoever. And a little hidden bonus in there, or I'll tell you what it is. You get the book at no additional charge, an ebook version, PDF version of the book that you can read on your mobile device, on your, on your phone. Um, you get that at no extra charge, a PDF that'll be emailed to you. You can download in addition to all the videos. How cool is that? No strings attached. Well, the only string is that we get your email and your name and email, and we start emailing you stuff like our newsletter and other offers and things like that. We put you on the email list, and you can get updates from me on my YouTube videos that I post. Again, no extra charge on the YouTube channel and all that good stuff. Um, speaking of, follow, uh, Dad Starting Over on YouTube. Trying like hell to grow that channel. It's been a struggle. I thought we're up to 134,000, 135,000, um, uh, subscribers on there. But, you know, I'm trying to get that up like a half million territory. Let's really grow this thing, guys. I'm working on the video. Yes, you can see I've updated the quality of all this. So, uh, thanks to all you guys who have already subscribed. Patrick says thanks for the videos. Hey buddy, I appreciate it. Thank you. Um, yeah, Chris, you're not the only one going through this, buddy. Absolutely not. Um, and David says, just know that from the beginning you will never get the full and complete truth from a cheating spouse. They will share with you just enough to string you along. Yeah, the old, uh, trickle truth as they call it. Not entirely destroy what they damage. Don't bother trying to get the information, it's not worth it. Just leave, period. Uh, yeah, and then he ends it with infidelity is the nail in the coffin for 99.99999% of all marriages out there. I'm going to say you left off a few nines. It's, um, and there are people that push back on that saying, Ralph Brewer, you're not— you know, look at the facts. The facts are a lot of, you know, I, I don't know what the percentage is, the majority of marriages. I think somebody told me that, um, where there's infidelity involved, that the marriages survive. Survive is one thing, thrive is another thing entirely, isn't it? Um, There are countless marriages out there, long-term relationships, where they're just going through the motions. I got the kids, I got the bills, I got the whatever. And they both kind of come to usually an unspoken, sometimes overtly spoken understanding, like, this ain't paradise. It's never going to be a paradise between us. It ain't a loving, sweet, sexy relationship, whatever. And we're both, I guess, cool with that, to the point where we're not happy, but we're not about to blow this up for a variety of reasons., and, um, some have like this unspoken understanding of you go do your thing, I do mine, and that may mean other people, but we're still primarily with each other. Uh, some people have the overt spoken understanding of that, open marriages and so forth, um, while some just are quietly miserable together. And then there are the lucky few— lucky— who, uh, work through it, something like infidelity, and it actually brings them closer together. I've had therapists that have told me this. Dr. Robert Glover, for example, points this out. I have personally not seen it within my audience. What I have seen, the most positive outcome that I've seen as far as reconciliation is concerned within my audience— let's be fair, within my world— is, uh, Ralph Brewer, working out together, we both went to the therapy, blah blah blah. She's very open and honest about her, what she's doing and where she's going. I have full access to her phone, she to mine, and we're working through this. Good luck, guys. I hope it works out for you. And then I'll hear back from these guys 2 or 3 years later saying, she did it again. Um, it would seem that there's something within the psyche of a lot of the women in our life that do this kind of thing that points to some kind of fundamental programming that basically says at a very basic level, long-term committed monogamy to one individual just ain't in the cards for me. That doesn't necessarily mean they're a monster, that they're evil and all this other stuff. They're just not wired for it for insert reasons. And the more we try to shoehorn them into that world and shove a square peg into a round hole, man, it just doesn't work. It may work for seemingly, you know, a couple years or whatever, or hell, maybe even like a decade plus, but then something happens, some kind of stressor in life or something, and then how they cope is just like go get attention from others. I've seen that countless times, guys. So that being said, Ralph Brewer, ever seen— no, I haven't personally. I know it exists, I'm sure it exists, not like people are lying, but I have not personally seen where reconciliation legitimately works long term after an affair is discovered. And I was about to wrap this up, but we're getting more and more questions here, guys. Make sure I'm not missing something really crucial here. I'm not understanding that one. Thank you. Ray says, thank you for my time and hard work, uh, probably saving men's lives with the sound advice and perspective. Uh, salute you. Well, thank you very much, Mr. Ray. I appreciate that a great deal. That's awesome. Thank you. Shared debt is what Kristoff says keeps these relationships together. Could be. Uh, oh well, Mr. Barry, things just got interesting, folks. It's, uh, so new here. Welcome, Mr. Barry. Uh, welcome to the group, um, the group, the, the page, wherever you're watching this. Looks like Facebook. Uh, so new here. My wife confessed to me on the 10th of May that she has been in a 2-year relationship with another woman. She has since broken it off and we are working on coming back together. I'm hurt beyond measure, but I'm trying. Any thoughts? Oof, it's an extra level of complexity, isn't it? Um, there is this thought, thanks to the pornification of modern-day society and relationships, there's some men out there like, oh sweet, another woman, that's hot. It's another relationship, it's another human being, it's It's, you know, stop thinking with your little head out there, guys, if you're thinking that way. But Barry, you're not of that, you know, variety, if you will. You're not thinking that way. You're genuinely hurt by this. She had another relationship, a 2-year relationship, a long-term loving relationship with another human being. Just so happened as a woman. Not good. The question is, all right, wife, number one, something about the old sexuality we need to talk about here. Um, did this uncover something? Are you in fact gay or lesbian, um, or are you more sexually fluid than what we thought? That's something that's more common in women than it is in men. Women are more apt to say that they experimented sexually with people of the same sex than men are, and on and on. But anywho, um, sexuality, lesbian, whatever aside, what it does point to is we got a person who was able to live to lives like that concurrently, to compartmentalize like that, that's not a good thing. That's not a good indicator for the ability to maintain strict sexual monogamy in a long-term monogamous relationship. That points to somebody who may have a little something going on up here, and that little going on up there may lead to all kinds of problems down the line. So I guess this is my long-winded way of saying, Mr. Barry, be freaking careful, dude. You can't get much more of a waving red flag in your face than snuck around and had a loving 2-year relationship with another person concurrently while being with you and lied about it for 2 years, and now they want to work on them with you. Oof, careful, dude. Um, what is she doing boundary-wise? What is she doing to work on herself-wise to prohibit this thing from happening? Again. That's it, man. That's everything in this. Um, is she getting help with this? She getting therapy with this? She willing to talk about this? Is she patient with you as you have bad days and weeks, as something kind of triggers your anxiety all over again about this? Or is she the type that rolls her eyes and says, get over it already? Not good. Um, hmm. Just a Girl 7 says, I'm not a man, but I love your content. Well, thank you. I I was gonna say thank you, man. Thank you, ma'am. I appreciate it. Um, so you don't see work through infidelity works or cheating and breaking up? Uh, that's rough because you know you can't trust men. You'd have to worry about women too. Oh, I see. Yeah, to— okay, gotcha. Um, so you don't see working through infidelity works? Well, what I see is It's usually way more complicated than that. It's what I see with a lot of the infidelity stories is not that it was a, oh shoot, I had a couple drinks too many, one thing led to another and I was making out with some dude, oh shit, what have I done, I'm gonna go back and tell my husband. That happens surely, but that's not the stories that I hear from guys. What I hear from guys is like what our, our pal Mr. Barry here says, like long extended relationships, a lot of lying, a lot of this and that, and you know compartmentalizing and lying about this, lying about that, just countless lies. And, you know, STDs and all kinds of craziness. And then, um, when caught, more lies and more, uh, gaslighting, you know, trying to make the, the victim spouse and all this the one that feels like they're crazy. You're the one that did wrong. It's all your fault. Oh, and on and on and on. That's what I see that goes with it. And all of this is indicative of the person's got problems., and, um, that— those problems, the flavor of problems that they have, doesn't lend itself to successful long-term monogamy. What it leads to, what it lends itself to, is chaos, chaos, chaos, all kinds of horrible shit for years and years. Um, they don't cope well, that's what I'm trying to say. And if they're the type of person that doesn't cope well and they're always seeking attention elsewhere, that That doesn't lend itself to a good marriage. And for most of you watching this nodding, going, that sounds like my wife, or women watching this and sounds like my husband— yeah, they don't do well in marriage. Unfortunately, the message got out there for many of us for generations, hey, get married. What they didn't say is, hey, are you the type that should be married? What do you think about marriage? Is marriage for you? Tell us about you. Tell us about your dating habits and mating habits over the years and so forth. No, they just go, marry now, have kids now. It's what's best for you, it's what's best for her, it's what's best for society. Marry, marry, marry. We see where that leads us. Uh, Chris is asking if I have specific days and times that I do the lives. I don't. It's whenever. I'm sorry, I wish I did. You know what, maybe I need to just— I've been saying this for years— maybe I need to finally lay down a daytime that I'm for sure, no matter what, going live and clear that on my calendar and say no coaching, no nothing during this time. How about we do that? What that time is going to be, I don't know. I'll let you know. And so you guys can tune in. And these are all recorded, by the way. So if you go to YouTube or Facebook, they will have like— it'll be archived so you can sit back and watch it. I also typically, if there's a good little segment, I will cut it from the recording and post it separately as a separate little video on YouTube or Facebook or whatever so you can watch that later. And the quality will be better because it won't be a choppy little internet recording. It'll be the actual video file itself. Christoph, you say your wife says you have a problem with lust. Oh, you're a little too horny, is that what she's saying? You need to chill out with the sex stuff. Does she have a point? I don't know, I'm not there. Um, I'm not victim blaming here. I'm not being— I'm not siding with the woman. Um, it's just that I, I speak to a lot of men, you know. I talked about the neurodivergent thing. Um, ADHD is common in a lot of guys, and that in itself has a lot of different flavors and stuff. All these things are on a spectrum. They're in a spectrum in terms of their definition, like I have this type and this type, and they're on a spectrum in, in terms of their severity. And for you, really, I'm not an expert on this, guys. Let's just put that out there. Um, for some guys, they have a certain flavor of the ADHD or whatever it may be. They're a little, dare I say, spazzy, very hyper, go, go, go. And a lot of the men are super horny, like all the time. They could do it 5 times a day every day kind of guy. And unfortunately, some of those guys marry a gal who's just like, that ain't me, dude. I don't care who I'm with or what, I'm just not that sexual of a person, and there's a lot of clash between the two of them. That's, that's a relatively small portion of the population, but I see that every now and then. And I have to be the one to tell you, the dude, like, dude, most people aren't wired like you, man. That's a little much. So I'm getting exhausted just hearing some of your stories. Maybe you do need to back off. And often some of those guys hear from the woman, like, maybe you need to go get your girlfriend or something, dude. This is, this is a little much. Now, with that being said, a guy that goes to his woman and says, why don't once or twice a week would be nice. That's not over the top by my definition. By most people, that's like, quote, normal and healthy and all that good stuff. Um, so with that being said, maybe flesh it out a little bit more. Like, how did this comment come up where she says you have a problem with lustfulness and your sexuality? Did that come up because you had asked for it for the fifth time that day, or did that come up because it had been 6 months and you're like, this is weird, why aren't we doing it, type of thing? Um, or somewhere in between there. Um, and you've always been on the high libido side, and after you started going to the gym— damn. Yeah, that tends to have that effect on men. Um, all right guys, I, I tried to call this quit earlier, and then you guys— I try to leave and you pull me back in. Who said that? Is that a Godfather thing or something? Um, anyway, guys, if you would like, you can always book time with me one-on-one and chat with me. Yes, there's money involved. I don't give away my time for nothing. But you can go to helpformen.com and go to coaching in the menu. You can see my little bald head, or pick one of the other dudes and talk to them one-on-one. If the pricing, you're like, it's a little much for me right now, join the Brotherhood. Let me bring— do I have that up here? Yes, I do. The Brotherhood is our private community for men only. We get together for discussions online 24/7, 365. We have Zoom meetings, thousands of those Zoom meetings that you can listen to— hundreds of those Zoom meetings you can listen to, uh, 1,000+ hours of Zoom meetings you can listen to. Um, the, the coaching, the one-on-one talking that I mentioned is way cheaper for our members. We get together in person. Books, articles, all kinds of courses. We have free courses for our members as well as cheaper courses than for the general public. Most of you dudes need to be in this group. It's relatively inexpensive. I'm trying to keep the cost as low as possible to help out as many men as possible. I had a guy in my YouTube, uh, comments here recently gave me kudos for not charging 3 figures a month like most men's groups do. In defense of those guys, it's expensive to run these things, to do all this, and to have a team and all the IT involved and everything else. But we're trying to keep the cost as low as possible. So we can, um, help out as many dudes as possible. My goal is to have 5,000 men in the Brotherhood. We're trying like hell to get there. So check it out, help4men.com/join. Help4men.com/join. Join the Brotherhood, guys. If you love talking about this stuff, you love to talk to other dudes about this stuff, join in on meetings with me talking about this kind of stuff, talk to me one-on-one, the Brotherhood is for you. Help4men.com/join. Check it out. Ladies and germs, thank you so very much for your time. I appreciate all of you. I'll let you know about a schedule when we're going to do these on a more regular basis. Until then, guys, until next time, adiós, arrivederci, hasta luego. What's another? I'm not at a loss for languages here. Bon voyage. All right, guys, I will catch you on the next one. Toodaloo.