LIVE with Ralph (DSO) and SummerXXX

All right, it says we are live. I'm going to double-check that on Facebook here.

It is showing me still like a pre-broadcast look.

Is it? Okay.

Mm-hmm. It says on the air though.

It does say live on mine. All right, hold on a second. Yeah, we are good. We are live.

Perfect.

Howdy everyone. It's your boy Rafa Lito back here with the lovely and talented Miss Summer. How are you, Miss Summer?

Hello again. I'm lovely. How are you?

Lovely as always. And, uh, good. I was telling you before, I was telling you before that, um, you know, I can see the stats on all the lives that I do and stuff. The one that you and I did, I don't know how long ago now that was.

Um, few months.

That was up there as far as the number of views are concerned. And I believe that was the most popular one I've done so far. And I've ever— when you combine like the number of views, the people that were watching live at the time, and then the follow-up with all the clips and everything, probably ever. Yeah, if I had to guess, without sitting down with a pen and paper, just eyeballing it, yeah, it's probably the biggest ever.

And that's exciting.

For those that are new wondering who this gal is, do you want to give us a little intro for the people that are watching us today, who you are and what you do?

Um, I am Summer. I go by SummerXXX, and I have been a I guess it started off as a phone sex operator, and then it went to cam model, fetish model, content creator. Now I'm a podcaster too. But today is actually my 14-year anniversary in the industry.

Very good.

For the sex industry in general. Yes.

And your overall impression over the last 14 years? Thumbs up, thumbs down? Glad you did it?

It's been a wild ride. I love it. It is a ton of fun. It is ever-changing. You never know what you're going to get. Every day is a little bit different.

Oh, I'm sure.

But I like having the flexibility of my schedule and of my life. That was one of the biggest things that was the biggest change was not having to schedule around work. I could schedule, you, you know, work around my life instead of the other way. And, um, I did have a family when I first started this, so it was really nice to be able to just take a day off if I needed to, or if, you know, the kids were sick or whatever. It gave me just a tremendous amount of control in my life, but it's also fun and kinky, and I've learned a lot over the last 14 years.

Now, not to get too personal, but you talked about you had a family at the beginning of this. Did this line of work contribute to the disintegration, I guess you could say, of the family or the two separate worlds that didn't really intermingle at all?

I think that there was already a massive amount of disintegration there. I think that this industry probably didn't help because it did give me a massive sense of self and my femininity that I did not get in my marriage. My husband was not complimentary ever. My husband never one time told me that I was hot or sexy. So then, yeah, to be hearing it from hundreds of strangers was very empowering.

It's validating.

Exciting. Yes. Also, you know, he was kind of a control freak. So me learning and exploring things and wanting to explore with him, I think he was losing his sense of control in that scared him. So, it didn't go over well. It is hard to date. It is hard to be partnered up for me as a woman in this industry. At least for me, it is tricky. There's always a lot of explanation. Of course, I'm very patient in that regard, but there's the jealousy and that it's not necessarily fair that I get to be doing all of this stuff on the side, even if I am in a monogamous, committed relationship. It's a tricky little dance. I'm sure that's why I am single now.

Now, is it tricky? And it's tricky, the obvious is in terms of guys being very insecure about what it is you do, not quite understanding, jealousy, sex work thing. There's a lot of stigma around women and any kind of sex work.

Definitely.

But is there also the flip side of that is now that you've been in this industry, now that you've worked at an intimate level with hundreds of men, I would assume, if not thousands, thousands upon thousands, has that shifted? Has that shifted your worldview of men in general and caused you to look at men differently?

I mean, yeah, over the last 14 years plus, I was 32 when I started this. I had been married most of my life. I got married again right away. My second marriage was very quick after my first. So I just didn't have a lot of experience in general with men or the world or myself and my own sexuality. When you only have a couple of partners, you know, and then when you do want to explore with the partners that you do have or the partner you had, that's where I feel like I was judged and shamed for wanting to try new things. We had had normal vanilla sex for 7 years, and now here I am like, "Oh, I want to try something new, something different." And that was intimidating to my partner, my husband at the time. And it's still— I get told regularly by men, some women as well, that I'm intimidating. And I get that. I have a lot of experience, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I want to like do all of those things. Just because I kind of have like a little niche for what I do every day, that doesn't mean that I want to do that all night too, you know. But it does mean that I'm very open to exploration.

Yeah, I would, I would think you'd have to have an open mind as far as— there's personality traits and one of them is open-mindedness, and I would think you'd have to be high in open-mindedness to do, uh, something like this. You can't be a very close-minded person.

Very much so. I mean, you can be a close-minded person, but I don't think you would be successful in industry, and you would probably get very jaded very quickly. And that's going to become evident in the way you talk to people, the way you hold yourself. Whether or not you really like what you're doing, it shows. And then that's part of the reason I am still here, is that I genuinely like it. I have so much fun with it, and it's obvious that I'm sincere.

Now, the type of men that use your services, is there a category of men that we can say they are category A, and that's most of them? Or is it just all over the place as far as age demographic, religious background, and so forth?

Over the years, it's changed dramatically. Because when I first started, I was more of like a girlfriend experience kind of a thing. Interesting. Checking in, how you doing? Throughout the day, like a girlfriend experience. I just kind of fell into that naturally because I'm a nurturer. And it was easier. It felt really natural to me to have that role. But with that came a lot of mixed feelings, really, because if you're talking to someone 10 hours a week, let's say, and you're enjoying yourself, even if you're getting paid, it gets confusing and there comes a point where my guy is saying, okay, well, if you're feeling this too, why am I still paying for it? So it was hard. It was sad. I felt bad and I was actually making genuine connections, which also kind of scared me because I was married. I wasn't looking for anything. I wasn't looking to go outside of my marriage in that way. So I was glad to kind of scooch away from the GFE stuff. Men kind of pushed the dominant role on me. I feel like it didn't just happen. I felt like I was kind of forced into it over the years. But as the years went on, that role fit naturally. I am a little dominant. I am a little bossy. I do have a lot of confidence, so that role just slid right on easily. And now, yes, I only deal with submissive men for the most part.

Interesting.

It's mostly me telling them what to do and how to do it. And I'm a stickler for instructions. So I like men that do what they're told.

Mm-hmm.

They like to be told what to do.

That's a world that I've never been able to wrap my head around in any woman that you talk to in the sex work field will tell you just how common that is. And there's this stereotype that you see sometimes in Hollywood movies of the CEO, super important guy who employs the services of like a dominatrix or somebody who beats the crap out of them in the after hours. And so I guess there's, you know, that, that, that stereotype didn't just fall from the sky. That's a thing. And you can attest to that. Yeah, there's a lot of men like to be told what to do. I personally don't I don't see the appeal of it. But you tell me, what are some of the flavors of, if it's all done, you know, via audio, or maybe even video sometimes, I would assume, what is it that these men are looking for, you think? Or what specifically are they asking for? And I guess at a deeper level, what void are you filling in these men?

Well, in the beginning, it was definitely an intimate connection. It was hot and heavy chemistry, and it was real. A lot of the times it was very real. If it's not real and you're not having a good time, like, they feel it too, and they're probably not having a good time either. As times have evolved and now it's just strictly me basically telling them how I want them to pleasure themselves, and I usually have a pretty good feel for like what that means. Sometimes they will give me very, very specific instructions on like what their boundaries are and what they are into and not into. Sometimes it's like, you just do you. What do you want to see? Toys are big with men. I'm really, really happy that the male toys have come a long way from what they used to be 10, 15 years ago. I don't know if— have you looked at male toys lately, Ralph?

Funny you should say this. Yeah, good.

Tell me.

A company is repeatedly reaching out to me to promote such a device. And it's not really in my wheelhouse, it doesn't really fit in my world, but they're throwing around some real money to—

Well, what kind of a toy is it? Is it an anal toy or is it like a penis masturbation toy?

Yes, it's more of a—

Like a Fleshlight?

Yeah, that, and it's also like they have like pumps and so forth for, you know, I guess, accentuating? What's the term I'm trying to use? To amplify? I'm trying to stay within the confines of this.

I mean, pumps can be used for all kinds of things, not just for pleasure, necessarily.

Yeah, length, girth, all that other good stuff.

Length, girth. It also can be used as like just a— what's the word I'm looking for?

Like a quick start, you know, like a Like a manual Viagra kind of thing?

Kind of, yes. Like, once things get started to get pulled in. Also, people that have erectile dysfunction like a penis pump as well. I mean, get it and try it at least.

I don't— you know, maybe I'm not opposed to such a thing.

Send it over here. Also, those kind of pumps can be used on the ladies as well.

Those kind of pumps? Oh, yeah, they do have the pumps for the— yeah, sure, sure. Yeah. So there's all that world. There's all kinds of stuff.

Pump, it's still versatile is what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, even if it's not for you.

So that's, that's a big world, and that is something that stereotypically we think of for the women only, just because anatomically it seems to make more sense. But no, that's a huge world for the men, all the way to— curious what you think about this— all the way to the full-blown woman figure in the form of these dolls and so forth, which from what I understand, the technology is getting pretty damn good. And when we see the, uh, the rising of like artificial intelligence technology and stuff, I'm curious how that's going to fit in there, probably with audio and making the, the, the figure do and say things in a very human way. We're about to see some interesting stuff here in the next 10, 20 years in that world, I'm sure.

Definitely. I think it's going to be amazing for both sexes. Um, hopefully it opens up sex for real people to be able to explore better after maybe they've had their robot fun. I highly doubt it though. Yeah, I mean, I think robots are just going to take over and they're going to be everything we need and want them to be, and then that may be just it.

I— it's from a— what's the anthropological point of view, whatever you want to say, um, it's maybe not necessarily the best thing in the world. Like, for example, like with pornography, for example, why it's so appealing to men is it gets from A to Z really quickly. Um, typically, if it's— I'm a man and I have the need for sexual gratification and love of another woman, I go up to you, "Hi, I'm Ralph Brewer Brewer Brewer. What's your name? Would you like to go out with me? Give me your number." Yes, I got her number. When we go out to eat a few times and take her out dancing, and then that takes maybe weeks of getting to know her, and then eventually we consummate the act. That's a lot of time, effort, money, vulnerability, emotionality, all that good stuff, versus fire up the computer over here to my left and done.

Now it's easy peasy and efficient. Especially also, that's why I'm here, is because I'm a professional. They know they're going to call me and it's going to be easy peasy A to B, but they also have that human intimate connection versus just looking at a screen of a woman they don't know, have never met, you know, never interacted with. I mean, I hope that, you know, robots may absolutely take over my job, but Even though I think they're going to be probably very realistic, people are still going to know it's not real. I hope that that divide, you know, is enough to keep things moving more towards the real. Because if not, yeah, like, it kind of feels like we're all doomed a little.

There's a Netflix movie that just came out here not too long ago.

I haven't seen it, but I've seen it advertised.

What's her name? Megan Fox. Yeah, it's pretty well done. And, um, is it? I watched it. Yeah, it's pretty interesting.

Okay.

Gets your brain thinking like, wow, this is pretty realistic how this is going to go. Now that is way down the line as far as the realism. You have these androids that literally you can't tell by looking at them or talking to them that it's a robot. So that's a whole different world. But I think it'll take a while before we get there. But it opens up Pandora's box of what if. And you know, we're eventually going to get to the point where there are people that are going to say, uh, my partner is an android robot or whatever. And then there's going to be those that are like, I don't need that. I got the real human. And, you know, eventually I think we'll be— the real human people are going to be a really small portion of the population. And then a lot of people are going to be the robot people. I don't know, maybe not. Maybe I'm wrong. We'll see.

I mean, humans are messy, you know, humans are messy.

Yeah.

But also some of us like that mess.

And whatever that means to you and the world of that romantic relationship world is pretty elusive to a large chunk of people. We hate to say it, but it is definitely. Yes. And a lot of their needs aren't being met. And especially on the male side of it, you take a man who has that need, yes, for the sexual, the physical, and also for the love and the companionship and everything else, and society basically says, "Beat it, weirdo. We don't want you." That guy doesn't do such good things in society. He's the kind of guy that mows into a group of people in a crowd with his car and, you know, goes into a movie theater and kills a bunch of people. We all, when we look at those people and their background, they are those type of men. Those end.

Well, and like, hopefully those men also seek out women like me because yes, I can't do it all, but like for some people it is, it's a lot and it can be enough. I'm seeing a lot of— I'm on the dating— I was on a dating app briefly for about a week and, but you know, at the same time, like it's almost like the guys don't even try. Like this one guy reached out, we matched somehow, I don't know how, but he— I said, I'm sorry, we're not a good fit. And he said, how do you know? And I said, because you don't stand out. I said, there are 20 guys in my inbox just like you putting in the same amount of effort that you are, which is basically zero. 'Your pictures are horrible.' I tried to say it as nicely as I could, but I felt like I was giving this guy some gems here.

I was going to say, that's the feedback he needs. Yeah.

'Your content, what you wrote—' I'm like, 'You mentioned 2020 like 4 times. You haven't updated this since 2020.' Oh, I see.

Yeah.

Um, yeah, things like that. And, uh, he was shocked, like he had never gotten this kind of feedback before, and thanked me. I told him, you know, spruce up your content, spruce up your pictures, smile maybe, you know, a smile goes a long way. I said, what you're trying to attract, like, you just look like dull, you look dull and boring, and it matches your profile. And then shortly after that, my account got deleted. So I don't know if he maybe, you know, maybe I offended him, but it was like literally the next day my account got closed. Interesting.

Now, you think, do you think because it got out what you do for a living and they don't want sex workers?

Oh, it was very near what I do for a living.

Gotcha, okay. Yeah, so I would think that would have everything to do with it. You know, let's go back.

You know what, wait, wait, let me tell you something interesting about that though. So it was OKCupid was the site, which I hear now is like really, really archaic and outdated, but I didn't know, I didn't know. I didn't show my face, I cropped off my head in every picture, and I originally had 6 pictures and OKCupid took off 3 But the ones that they left were the racier of the 3.

Interesting. So basically—

And then a week later, my account was closed.

Was it 6 cleavage shots? Yeah.

And they liked 3 of them? No, no, no, not really. I'm kidding. No, it was like a lot of full body stuff. Okay. Yeah. You know, in different outfits of different degrees of, you know, skin exposure. But the odd thing was that they left the most risqué pictures and took down the ones that were more clothed.

That doesn't— no. Okay, never know. They know what gets clicks, I guess. So I guess so. Back to the guys not really putting much of an effort into that. That, you know, that's, um, something I hear from the ladies all the freaking time. Like, Ralph, you don't realize what we have to see out there. I mean, the dudes open every conversation with, yo, hey, what's up? You know, and you look at their pictures and it's just— these are obviously 10-year-old pictures. Some with his ex-wife, and you're like, okay, come on, dude, you know, holding a fish, and they— he can't dress himself. So you gotta wonder, my knee-jerk thought is when I have people that don't really put an effort into something, well then it's because what, it just naturally comes easy to you? And you're like, why put an effort? I, I can get it. I could just be me and I get rewarded with all kinds of attention. When you talk to these guys, no, they don't have any luck. They have no luck. And they're like, I can't get a date on this stupid thing.

And I don't know, is it just because they don't know? And if that's the case, like, I should, I should open up a business. Like, I will help you with your profile. You know, it may not lead to marriage, but at least it'll give you, you know, it'll give you a good start. Um, because most of these profiles are just bad, really, really bad. Um, or they say, you know, ask me anything, a blank profile that says ask me anything. Like nobody's gonna ask you. Mm-hmm. Nobody's gonna ask you anything. You're gonna swipe immediately. You got one second to make an impression.

Maybe part of it is they don't have a full appreciation for just how bombarded an attractive woman like yourself is by the attention from all these other men. They maybe they feel they're special. Like, I'm sure she has no other messages showing up in her inbox. Here you go. And when he doesn't get a response back, he's like, what the hell? It's like, no, you're one of 50, dude.

In this day and age, could it— do you think men actually think that? I don't know. I mean, you deal with a lot of men. Tell me, do they actually—

I'll tell you, here's one thing, going back to the looks thing. So the book I wrote that got so popular, The Dead Bedroom Fix, I devoted a chapter to getting in shape, simply because I see so many men that are just like, you know, who cares? Men don't need to work on their physicality and get in shape and dress nice and all the other stuff. Who cares? It's like, no, dude, that makes a difference in your luck. And yes, within marriage and outside of it, how you present yourself is a lot. You know, you stand taller, you're more confident, people look at you twice. There's nothing wrong with that. That was such a holy shit thing for so many men that they grabbed onto that chapter and they say, that chapter changed my life completely. Never before have I given any kind of emphasis to the physical anything in myself. It's like, really? I guess I guess, you know, Hollywood and everything else, you would think that we'd latch on to the fact that, yeah, looks matter. But, but in these men's defense, how many times are they told by the women in their lives, we don't care about that kind of stuff, guys, you know, or, and also are the husband and the wife or the boyfriend girlfriend, like, getting fat together mutually?

Probably like a lot of couch time, you're fat, and you're absolutely comfortable in your relationship, which is normal in the beginning of a relationship. But you can't just keep gaining and gaining and gaining and gaining. Like, eventually you gotta, you know, get your shit together as a couple.

And we have, you know, whenever the guy attempts to do something that's really overtly in an attempt to look better, his fellow fluffy wife says, dude, no, we don't, you know, you're not going to the gym. No, no. It's like, why not? Really? Oh yeah, that's a very common thing. Sabotaging is what we call it. You know, when he says, Wife, I'm gonna lose 50 pounds. The doctor says my blood pressure's too high. I'm tired of not fitting in my clothes. I'm going to the gym and I'm gonna eat right. And the men expect, or they hope that their wife will say, yay, husband, let me join you. Or I'm your biggest cheerleader, let's do this. Yay, raw husband. But instead, more often than not, it's, I baked your favorite cake. Here's, you know, please don't leave me. You're abandoning me and the children when you go for 45 minutes to the gym or go for a walk or something like that.

They will show up no matter. That's so interesting. And they're probably afraid of losing their partner, I would imagine, more than anything, right? Yeah, that's what it is. You don't want their partner changing and improving.

And the women aren't alone in that. Men do the same thing. Wife wants to join an exercise class or whatever, he just starts, oh, here we go, you're going to leave me. And I think it's, we innately know that if there is a major disparity or mismatch in the attraction levels, which I know is a subjective thing, but we know pretty when we see it. We know good looking when we see it. When there's a major discrepancy there, disparity there, what's the right word? A mismatch. The relationships don't last long. As horrible as that is to say, but you know, once the last time—

I mean, that makes sense. Someone's always gonna feel inferior if you're not like kind of an even match there.

And it's not just the strictly looks, you know, it's not like I'm looking at it going, I'm a 7 out of 10, she's a 4, goodbye wife. But it's also that you are now part of a different group of people. Like if you go to the gym often, you're surrounding yourself with fellow healthy people who take those things, you know, seriously— their looks and their health. And they're talking about what to eat, and they're talking about supplements, and they're all wearing their, their tights and everything else. And then they come home to the wife who's, eh, I don't care about that stuff, it's not going to last long. And flip the genders, same damn thing. So, um, you know, back to the guys just not putting a lot of effort into the online dating thing. I hear it all the time. Why is that? Did the message not get out to men that the shallow is in fact important? Is it that they've never had to put in that effort before because they've been stuck in a relationship for 10, 15, 20 years and now they're divorced and on the market and they don't know the mating game as it is? They don't know that it's important to do those quote shallow things. I don't know. You have a book on that? Nice. Called Dead Bedroom Fix. You can check out.

Oh, it does that? Okay. I have not read your book yet. Yes, I know. I have recommended your book though. Oh, well, thank you. Just because I know it's good. I know I'm not really a reader. I'm more of a writer. But, I do want to read your book and I know that it's good because I see what everybody says about it. I appreciate that. Thank you. You're welcome.

Yeah, would love to get your feedback on it.

Absolutely. Yeah, it is definitely on my list. And, that also leads to what a little bit we talked about like before the show was orgasms in general, orgasms mostly for women though. We're talking about the woman, the woman's orgasm. And, I think that I just watched a podcast recently with the Diary of a CEO, and this woman is called the Orgasm Queen. And I learned so much about the female orgasm in this 2 hours. And she's beautiful, she's theatrical, she's written like 20 books or 50 books or something like that. And she shares a lot of her own personal stories and experiences. And yeah, apparently there's 20 different kinds of female orgasms out there. I mean, I knew there was a few, but 20? 20? Oh, that's— yeah. Wow. All right. And then it also occurred to me, I have not had a ton of sexual partners. And I think that I've been very lucky with the partners that I have had and had really good sex. For the most part, I've always had really good sex with my partners. Also pretty decent communication. But watching this woman in the Diary of a CEO, Susan, I can't remember what her name was now. I told you earlier, Susan Bennett, I think. That's not it. I realized how many women are not having orgasms, and that's why they don't want to have sex. They're tired of it. They're tired of faking it. They're tired of not getting their needs met. I think I maybe was a little bit one-sided on this most recently because of my own experiences have been so good that I'm kind of like, I side with the men. And, I still do. I love the guys. I think that they are definitely more open to exploration and adventures and communication than women are when it comes to sex. But, why is that? Is it because men are still going to get their— they're still going to come pretty much no matter what. Like, a man's orgasm is almost guaranteed for the most part.

Mechanism-wise, it's so much simpler. Right?

Yeah. And, I feel like they're just also more willing to persevere through whatever it is where a woman is just like, "Ugh, just going to get frustrated and like I'll just deal with it later." But, I would definitely recommend everyone Google the Orgasm Queen. She will come up. She's blonde, you know, big-breasted, and her 60s, I think. She's past menopause. And, that's also really, really informative is how she managed to keep her sex life amazing even through menopause. Wow. Because that's a big one that we all hear and talk about, menopause and hysterectomy and things like that that change a woman's drive. Also, then hormone replacement therapy also changes it again. And, I know that your guys probably deal with a lot of that. Yeah, quite a lot of answers for a lot of those things.

Yeah, you're talking about something I hear about a lot, which is the orgasm gap, is what they call it. So the gap between men and women and orgasming during intercourse. And there is the stereotype of the wham bam, thank you ma'am guy does his thing and rolls over after, if she's lucky, 2 minutes. And he's like, you just take care of yourself, or he doesn't even care about that.

And that's horrible. Or doesn't even know, or doesn't even ask.

Doesn't know. He's completely ignorant of that world. There's— I, you know, it's a stereotype of the guy hearing about this stuff, and he'll go, wait a minute, women orgasm too? And you're like, oh dude, it's like, that exists. There's a lot of men that are like, really, they do? It's like, yeah.

I don't know how that's possible. I mean, in this day and age, sex is everywhere, and education, depending on how you look at it, is everywhere. How could a man not know that his lady should be orgasms too.

Or that he's so pornified that he feels it's a very simple, easy thing, and that if she doesn't like that, then something's wrong with her and it's not his responsibility. Now, in his defense, there is some pushback from women saying, my orgasm is my responsibility, um, I'm not going to have an orgasm every single time, because we have these very anxious men that are preoccupied with is she having an orgasm or not, to the point of being really annoying about it and spazzy about it. And the wife's just like, cool it, it's my responsibility, you don't need to ask me every 5 seconds, how about this, how about that, but just, just go with it and have fun with it. So there's kind of a mixed message there. And, um, are you familiar with the book by Emily Nagoski called Come As You Are? Now you get the double entendre there with the, with the title. Of course, it's a, it's a very popular book. She sold millions of them. Very kind of progressive in nature, which turns some people off politically and otherwise. There's like a whole chapter about things such as there's nothing physically, medically wrong with obesity, for example. We need to be more, what's the word, tolerant of obesity and so forth. She got a lot of pushback from the scientific community saying no, obesity is like the number one killer in the world. We should definitely push back against it. But she's looking at it from a more inclusive feelings-based thing. We don't want to hurt feelings. So one good thing about the book was she identified that women have a lot more, she calls it like the accelerator. You think about a car, the accelerator, sexual accelerator, go, go, go. And then there's the brake, stop. And women tend to have way more in terms of brakes than what men do sexually. Men are just pedal to the metal, let's go, done. While women are like, now hold on, we can't have this, 'cause if we have that, that turns me off. We can't do this, 'cause if we do that, then I'm out of the headspace for it. And on and on and on. And to complicate things, every woman is completely different from the other. You could have one woman that has next to no brakes, and she's just a real yahoo in bed. Well, this woman's like, I can get there, but it takes these 20 things to get me there. It's complicated. A little tough.

It is complicated. And sometimes the guys on the guy's side, and I hear this too, they don't want to go have to go through the 20 things every frickin' time. Like, oh, the back rub and the candles and this and this and this. And like, there's a whole checklist. Checklist of shit that has to be done for it to be like a good experience where people miss the spontaneity and the fun and like, you know, the beauty of a quickie, which of course they should not all be quickies, but, you know, a nice quickie can be fun and it doesn't necessarily even— you don't always get off on a quickie. Sometimes it's about doing it just quick and like in a weird place or whatever, but also being able to communicate about that. And just enjoying it, having, you know, doing something new, exciting, and different with the person that you're with can be just amazing. So, but yes, the checklist. I hear the checklist a lot as well. And of course, we want our partners to finish multiple times if possible. I mean, if you're one of those, um, but the checklist can be daunting for the man. I get it. But also, that's like why a lot of women fake it. It's because they don't want the pressure. They don't want to be asked, did you come? Did you come? You know, are you getting there? What do I need to do? And so they will just fake it. Just, A, for a couple reasons. It's encouraging to the man. Makes him feel good.

Stroke his ego. Yes, of course.

Make him feel good. You feel good. Let him know you feel good. And then like also, it will encourage him to continue or know that like that was a good spot, and I like that. Like, he'll remind, you know, he'll remember that for future play that if he thinks I got off this way, hopefully he remembers that. But then also, like, sometimes it's just like, uh, this is not gonna happen. I want this over with. And then so women will just fake it just to be done with it. And which is, you know, good and bad. There's lots of— I mean, I have guys that also fake orgasms.

I'm trying to think how that can physically happen, but maybe I shouldn't ask that.

I mean, it's a lot of times, you know, like the woman does not see it. Oh, yeah.

Right? Trust me, I did.

Yeah. So, it's easy for men to fake it. And they fake it kind of for the same reasons we do. And I hear about that. The pressure, the stress, if they're not turned on, fully, or cannot fully maintain an erection. Or she's going, okay, you know, I'm getting sore, I'm getting chafed, whatever. He'll fake it, just same reason, just to be done with it.

Yeah. You know, going back to the— you have to do the 20 things to get there for some women, and it's kind of eye-rolling, daunting for some men. What further complicates this, Summer, is that it wasn't always that way with that one woman, for example. At the very early stages of the relationship, the honeymoon stage, the men, from our perspective as men, we didn't have to do anything as far as to reach the pinnacle of connection. It was the guys like, I was just me, just literally walked in the door, texted her, she shows up, we had the most amazing sex ever, see you later. And it was very validating to me. We were very in love. We were doing it multiple times a day. It was wonderful. And now that we've been together for 20-some-odd years, it's the game plan has changed. And that is a— that's really tough for a lot of men to wrap their head around. And your more anxious types internalize it and say, that's indicative of I'm a failure as a man. I don't bring about that level of eroticism that I used to in her. And that's— there may be a kernel of truth to that. But it's more— it's more truthful to say that now you're comparing apples to oranges here, the honeymoon stage versus the we've known each other 3 kids later. Dying parents, job loss, all, you know, life. And it's not apples to apples comparison. So to a lot of guys out there, we've got some comments coming in here. It's, you know, I guess take solace in the fact that welcome to long-term monogamy. It's not always going to be the most erotic hot thing in the world. And, but if you play your cards right, it can be a fun exploration between two people. —But that could be— that's easier said than done for a lot of folks. And Fight for a Better Now from YouTube says, what makes it even more annoying is the fact that women are told that it's okay to have those 20 things, and a man, it's our job to help remove the load from her. Oh, so women are encouraged to have those breaks is what he's saying, that it's okay that we, we look at that and say You know, God bless you, woman. You're a woman. We're all wired differently. You have those 20 breaks. And it's up to us as a man to remove a lot of the mental load and anxieties and everything from her. So I guess what you're saying, Fight for a Better Now, is it's kind of one-sided. Yay, woman. And buddy, you better get to work, is what we say to the guy. And what I hear from a lot of men is, is there any pressure on women to work? On this sexual connection? From our point of view as men, we don't see it much. But you tell me, Summer, do you feel pressure as a woman to be a better sexual partner and to learn us men more so like we are pressured to learn you?

That is a really good question. I think it depends on the relationship. My last relationship was a 4-year relationship, and we always had good sex. But so based on what I do, and we already kind of went over that, like, it's— relationships are hard when you're in the sex industry. Um, and he had a major problem with what I do for a living, and we— that was something we could never get past. Um, and because sex is all wrapped up in that I feel like it made it harder for us to communicate sexually, which sucks really, because I'm like, I know a lot and I'm very adventurous and I would have loved to explore everything. But there was also a little bit of sex shaming in the beginning on his part to me, and that kind of stuck because I was, you know, that doesn't happen that often. Women will sex shame me way more often than men. Men are like, "It's not a problem." That's what I've heard from a lot of women.

Yeah.

But women tend to judge me pretty harshly. So, if I was with a partner that was supportive and encouraging and I was getting my needs met in that way. So, I'm not married. I'm not, you know, like I think you're the people that follow you are like in more monogamous type relationships. And I was in a monogamous relationship, but it was a boyfriend-girlfriend situation where no, my needs were not getting met. So, I did not want to give any more to him sexually. I didn't want to explore anymore with him. I didn't want to dive any deeper. I didn't want it to get better. I mean, it was already good. It was really good. But why get any better? Why make steps to like create more intimacy when we had like this major divide between us already anyway. So I guess that's— it's a tricky answer because it depends on the relationship. It depends on their relationship. I would love to be in a relationship where I was not sex-shamed, kink-shamed, you know, supported. If somebody's like, oh, you have an interview today? Good job, you know, or, you know, good luck would be nice. Things like that. So I think that if we're— if our general needs are not being met, then we're going to withhold the sex from our partners, even if we don't necessarily want to. I love sex. I love having good sex. But because I wasn't getting my basic needs met, I'm like, okay, we're only going to do the minimum. We'll just keep it vanilla. And that's kind of how it— how it played out.

Now, in your particular circumstance, anyone listening to what you just described would say, oh, I get it. I can see her perspective on that. Absolutely. You In essence, you were disconnected from the guy and you didn't like him a whole heck of a lot based on what he was doing. So, why would you want to do it again?

Actually, I love the guy. We're still sleeping together. Oh, okay. I found out yesterday we're in what's called a situationship. I didn't— I was not aware we were in that, but yeah, apparently, I am in one of those. And what the funny thing is too, since we watched The Orgasm Queen, we watched this together. We do watch a lot of educational stuff together. We do try to build even though we're just like situationship friends now or whatever. He's a very good man and I do love him deeply. But after watching this woman in The Diary of a CEO, like, he's wanting to like explore this kind of all these extra things that he's now learned. And I'm going, why? Why now? Like, I don't want it to be better, you know, I don't need any more love hormones coming out. From our playtime. Let's keep it the vanilla normal that it has been. That's my view.

Is because you don't want to take it emotionally deeper with him? Yeah, I don't want to.

We're done. We're already done. We're just friends, I guess, with benefits. We care a lot about each other. We trust each other. There's a lot of diseases going around. There's a lot of crazy people out there. So we Yeah, we still enjoy each other that way. So he's like a—

he's a sexual snack, if you will. And he's like, let's explore this full-blown gourmet meal. And you're like, no, you're a Twinkie, dude. You're not a filet mignon.

I mean, he's definitely not a Twinkie. Let's not go there. No, he's a full-size ding dong. But— and the sex is great. And I love him. But I don't want to go deeper with him. Because we're not together. We're not fighting for a relationship anymore. We're friends.

So, yeah, a psychologist would have a field day with that one, Miss Summer. Who did? I said a psychologist would have a field day with that one, Miss Summer. They would say, tell me more about the situationship and, and your fear of vulnerability and all that other good stuff and taking it deeper with him.

So, I mean, we were together, Ralph Brewer, for 4 years. So, I'm not— there is no fear of being vulnerable now. Been there, done that. Yeah, I was open to vulnerability all that time. Now I'm like, okay, now time to close up the vulnerability shop a little bit, but still have the good sex.

And so, you've identified then that you admit that sexual connection can in fact lead to— what's the proper term— a deeper bonding. If you're not careful. Oh yeah, if you're willy-nilly with it. So does this point to something that a lot of your more conservative types say, which is, I'm on the dating market, I'm looking for the next Mrs. Right. He's a guy who believes in strict monogamy. I'm going to get married, have kids and everything else. And he meets a gal who is sexually open. And she says, I have been with 128 men. You know, something, something crazy like that. Which, by the way, you do this— excuse me— summer, that, that's not that, that's not that crazy. I know, I—

there's a lot, there's a lot of high—

especially with young, young people these days. There, it's— for, for some young folks, it's like a very casual thing, like getting coffee with somebody, from what I hear. I'm not in that world, thank goodness. But, um, so that guy is with that gal and he hears that number, and some men say that is indicative of the fact that, well, number one, the woman is incapable of bonding with a person because if she's done that that many times and not bonded with somebody, something's off here. Or thing two, um, I don't know what, what, what the— if she does bond with me, she will easily lose that connection because I can see that she's able to do this casually with so many people. I guess that's my way of saying, and I've asked other gals this that I've spoken to, do you feel that your number of sexual partners— the term that they use these days is body count, I don't know if you're familiar with this— does that make a difference and does that impact your ability to form a lifelong bond with somebody?

That is tricky. That's a sticky one because I don't want to sex shame. I want people to be having amazing sex as often as possible. But I was married most of my life. I do not have a high body count at all. But my body count is still higher than my last partner, which is shocking. He's never been married or anything. So I think it— I don't know. Honestly, I don't even want to answer that question because just because a woman has had, you know, 130 sexual partners, that doesn't mean that she can't commit or doesn't want to. Also, I think like, you know, I was raised in a completely different way than, you know, our 20s and 30-year-olds were raised, you know, the ones that are coming up now. Like, my mom was very strict. I wasn't allowed to watch Married... with Children, or Baywatch was not allowed to be on the TV in my house. And look at me now. But if I had been raised differently and I was out just having fun searching for my partner, would I want that held against me? No, I would lie. I would lie about my body count. If I had had sex with 130 people, yeah, I wouldn't want to be shamed on that. That's a lot. I would lie. But then— heard it here first.

But then you would open yourself up to a world of people that would potentially be not sexually compatible with you. If you've been with 130 people, you're probably a pretty sexy sexual person who's more open-minded and more in touch with your body and everything. And you get with a person who's like—

I don't think that that's necessarily true at all. No, I think that you— to be promiscuous, you don't have to be sexy or smart or educated. You just have to just open your legs, really, especially as a female. There's going to be any man, for the most part, is going to be happy to put it there. So it doesn't take any kind of a connection from a man. A man's— for not every man, but lots and lots of men, see an opportunity, they take it. Does that say less about him, more about her? Like, what, you know, I think it's interesting that women definitely get more sex shamed than men. My last partner, not the one that I just— not the last one, the one before that, he had over 100 sexual partners because he was having a lot of fun in his 20s. Do I hold that against him at 40? You know, no, I didn't. Do I think it made him— make him a better lover? I would say he was an average lover. Interesting.

Well, you know, just on the surface, you would think more practice. Or you would, you know, just be able to ride your bike.

Also, if it's a one-off, if it's like a one-night stand or a one-time thing, what are you really learning that you're going to take to the next partner, your next relationship? I mean, it's just most likely a quick get-off. Are you worshiping her erogenous zones? Are you taking your time? No, it's probably like a hump and dump.

It's probably more, especially from the male side, it's probably more indicative of a level of charm and personality that allows him to be— get a connection with so many women. Yeah, you know, get to that level. What's that? We call that a fuckboy. No, fuck. So he's got those—

and usually you can spot them a mile away. Also, they have a like a fuckboy look, a smell, an aura about them. Yes. If you don't recognize a fuckboy, like you're clueless because usually like they have a shirt on basically that says I'm a fuckboy.

Can you describe the typical characteristics?

I mean, mostly our first sign of a fuckboy is that they're going to be sending you dick pics straight out of the gate without you asking for them. That's a very good sign of a fuckboy.

Okay, but If he has so much experience, that means he's been able to get past the gate, so to speak, and get into a woman and be able to do that. Is he saying then, by showing you pictures like that, is he saying, this works, so that's why I do this? What woman gets that? And it's probably nice.

It's probably big. It probably looks erect. So he's— and well-groomed. Like, I have a sexy— my gents are sexy. They're also going to say all the right things, but they're going to move way too fast. They're going to want to get you, get you out, get you alone, touching you. Like, they're, they're, they move quick. And, um, and a lot of times, like, they'll tell you they're a fuckboy if you ask. Like, if you're like, you're a fuckboy, aren't you? They're like, yeah. Like, they're proud of it. They're proud. Yeah. And they do, they have like charm and magnetism and they're you know, suave with the ladies, but then they say all the right things, get the lady into the bed, and then she never hears from him again. It's like, how did you not know?

And then, um, and then there goes that body count. Yeah. And then what's interesting is if that guy takes all that skill, quote unquote, that he has, um, he can literally sell that to a lot of men on the market, and a lot of men will fork over a lot of money to learn what skills that man has. And people have done that. We call that, you know, back in the '80s and '90s, we had the pickup artist community that taught socially awkward men, like, here's the things to say and not to say, things to do, how to act, how to do, what to do with your hands. And they, for a lot of that world appeal, that world appealed to a lot of men on the autism spectrum because they had such a difficult time with social cues and so forth. So have somebody say, do this with your hands, do that with your feet, dress this way and stuff. They really like that. So it's interesting, the most successful family man really has his life together. He will be very interested in learning what that guy over there who got with 200-some-odd women, what he has that family man doesn't have. I talk to those guys all the time. They stand up and take attention. They watch those YouTube videos and listen to those podcasts and so forth. So that points to at a very visceral, almost like animalistic level, fuckboy, as you put it, he's almost like the winner. As horrible as that may sound to some people.

That's the end goal for a lot of guys. Yeah, he's good looking. He's good looking. He's charming. He has a functional penis and the women are lining up. I mean, functional penis, that is a big one, Ralph Brewer. Sure. I mean, okay, let's talk about that because that's another reason like women are kind of like a little bit discouraged and frustrated. Erectile dysfunction? Yes, and the men that won't admit to that. Shameful thing. Seek help, get the blue pill, whatever, get a pump, play around with it, try to figure out what works and what doesn't. But, if there is no discussion there and, you know, I can imagine a man's own frustration when his parts are not working the way he wants them to. But, as a woman trying to get those parts to work and not knowing like this normally works but now it doesn't and that is frustrating. Not only that, it takes a lot more energy to manipulate a flaccid organ than an erect one. I think that if enough men or more men would admit, all right, this is an issue. I think there would be better sex, more sex.

And sometimes it's as simple as it's indicative of cardiac issues. The guy, if you have congestive heart failure, if you're obese, and your blood pressure's through the roof, smoking, yeah, all these things, alcohol.

Yeah, that they all have an impact on that.

It's the canary in the coal mine there. If something's wrong when that's not working, it's Mother Nature's way of saying you don't need to be going making any more babies. You got problems. You need to fix your body. So if you want to look at it that way. But there's also the component of anxiety and so forth that impacts you there. So some men— I've talked to some men that are very healthy. They, they go to the gym all the time. They got it going on and they haven't had any activity forever from the wife. And then by virtue of him looking better and acting better, the wife's like, I'm ready now. And he's like, let's get it on. I'm, I'm so horny, I can't even contain myself. And they can't go through with the act. Nothing's happening downstairs. And he's like, uh, I've never had this problem before, up until this very one moment when finally, after so many months or years of nothing. Yeah, it's all up in your, in your head, so to speak, no pun intended.

And well, then the next time he's going to worry that it's going to happen again too, which is a perpetuating thing. Yeah.

So it's not, um, It's something that's thrown out around a lot about ladies, and it's honestly not something I hear about very often in our world, is the erectile dysfunction. Whether that's as a virtue of shame on the men's part, or the men in my group, for example, are all pretty good shape, or they try to be, so they don't see it that often. I, I do hear from men talking about wanting to last longer. I've heard that one. Um, uh, uh, they're concerned about their woman orgasming But most of the men in my group are kind of anxious, so they're over— they're preoccupied again with, I want to be the best husband and lover I can be. That may not be illustrative of society as a whole, but obesity and bad health and so forth is huge freaking problem. Another problem is the old pornography. If you're a guy—

definitely, if you're a guy that's used to getting the job done on your own in a matter of minutes or seconds, you may have a problem when you have a real human in front of Yeah, actually one of your guys, one of your guys reached out to me through Facebook Messenger and we were chatting for a couple of weeks and he was dating someone new and then the whole process of all of that, his first date, I'm like, "What are you going to wear?" You know, we talked about don't wear too much cologne, like the whole thing. And then they started having sex and he was worried about lasting too long because he was, you know, hadn't been with a partner in a long time. He'd been taking care of business by himself. You know, this feels a lot different than a woman and they were having a ton of fun together and it's like, just relax, like it'll get used to that, like maybe cut back on the masturbation too now that you have a willing participant, a partner. And I'm assuming that all probably worked itself out. But yeah, he had been alone for a long time. So then once you start getting with a partner again, all the anxiety but like like, you know, not lasting long enough, but also, am I lasting too long? You know? And that's all where good communication comes in too. I'm sure she already knew he hasn't been with someone for a long time. Like, these are things that she was probably already just anticipating. But if they had talked about it a little bit, he wouldn't be in his head about it.

True, true. But it's also the whole thing of, in the early stage of the relationship, it's not supposed to be difficult. It's just supposed to be on easy mode. And it's supposed to be erotic and awesome.

In your 40s and 50s though, it's not the same automatic awesome mode it was in your 20s. Things just are different. Well, speak for yourself. Our worries are different, our bodies are different. It's true. I think it's normal that we don't have those same expectations. Maybe the men probably do because the men I think always see themselves as 20 and virile even when they're 60 and not.

That's interesting. Yeah, you're hitting on something there. We always talk about the stereotype of the women fighting age, you know, your Botox and your plastic surgeries and women lying about their age. And women seem very fearful of age, while men on the surface, we're all like, I'm the silver fox, you know, I'm an older, wiser man, all the women want to be with me. Yet, yet, boy, we fight age just as much. I did my last conference we had, I asked the guys in the group, just a quick show of hands, whoever's comfortable sharing, how many are on testosterone therapy? Over half the room raised their hand.

I'm like, oh wow. Oh, okay. Now let's skid back a little bit to what does that do for their erections? Because you said like, guys don't really talk about the erection problem all that much, but you also just said half the guys in the room raised their hand that they're on testosterone.

That's not, that's not necessarily an erection thing. It's a— but it does help with erections.

It can, it can, or it can be a detriment.

It's When you monkey around with hormones, it's— it gets weird with the body. Um, the— but you know, for— to make it short, the body is always trying to be in a state of equilibrium. So when you introduce like this outside source of testosterone, for example, the body's like, well, I better shut this down. Or it says, well, I better count— I better counteract with other, uh, to make it super simple, other hormones like estrogen. Um, do you know that men can take so much testosterone that they actually become feminized? They grow breasts. Yeah, they grow breasts. They have edema, water weight gain. They get emotional. Then they go to the doctor. What's going on? Your estrogen is through the roof because you took too much testosterone. Lower the testosterone. Here's a pill for the estrogen. And then they get back to normal. That's, that's when some erectile dysfunction can come out as a result of that. Um, but most of the men I talk to, why did you go on the testosterone? My energy was down. I was going to the gym and nothing was happening in the gym. I just didn't have a lot of energy for life. My muscle tone was nothing. And I just want to look like He-Man, to be honest with you. I see these— I see these ads, you know, with these 50-something-year-old guys with ripped abs and they look muscular. I want to be that guy, basically. I don't hear much in the terms of to fix my erectile dysfunction.

I wish you would have asked that specifically. Maybe next time you have a conference, there you go. Okay, how many of you guys are on the tea? And then say, how many of you have noticed a change in your erections? I would love to know the answer to that.

I, you know, I would say what most of the guys say is their baseline libido goes up. So they're just at baseline hornier because of the testosterone.

See, their wives are probably like, oh, wonderful. Yeah, that's the last thing they wanted.

But that's illustrative of these guys are like fighting time. I want to be the young virile dude forever as much as I can and maintain my health. And they look at their wives and go, why would you not want to? Why do you not want to follow alongside of me and fight Father Time and go to the doctor and do the same kind of thing? And some women say, you're right, I do. Well, I would say from what I've seen, most women say, no, I'm— the menopause thing is just a natural part of life. I'm going into what we call grandma mode now. You know, that's kind of behind me.

Interesting, because I do not see that at all. If anything, what I see on my side I'm not quite there yet either. So, I'm not surrounding myself with all of these women, but in my women's groups and stuff, and they're varying ages, what I find is that women have a very hard time getting help through menopause. And so, they give up because the doctors don't listen. It seems like nobody really knows what the hell to do. And, with a female, our bodies are going through this cycle every single month. So, I could go get my 'Estrogen check today,' and then in 2 days from now, it's going to be something totally crazy different. So, trying to replace that is tricky. And, I think women just kind of give up because we're not listened to faster than the men. I think the men are like, 'Oh, what's your testosterone? Here you go.' Maybe test it once or twice again, but I don't think it's nearly as—

I think, yeah. As difficult as the women. It's more difficult for the women for sure, but Most of the men I talk to start off by going to their general practitioner, their family doctor, who knows nothing about any of it, and basically laughs the men out of the room and say, you're not a He-Man, dude, you're a 47-year-old father, just stop it with the testosterone, you're fine, just cut it out. And so they go to a private clinic, and that's what a lot of the women do. They're a lot— it's the market hears this frustration from the men and women, and there are clinics all over the place for hormone replacement, everything, and there are those that specialize in menopause treatments and so forth. And it is more difficult for the ladies than it is for the men. You know, they got the— for the men, it just seems like, here's your testosterone, get out. And the man's like, woohoo, I feel so much better now. For the women, it's like, well, we have to balance your estrogen, your progesterone, your testosterone, your this, your iron levels are too high, you know, all this other stuff. A lot. It's a different little cocktail, and it takes a lot of juggling balls to get it just right. But for some of those women, they say, I am I'm so happy I did this. I feel like a million bucks. I had the hot flashes, I had this, and it was awful. My joints were aching. Now I can actually function again and go for my jogs. And yes, my libido returns. It's great. Well, other women say, I don't notice anything. It's so, so funny how we're just so different.

I think it just, you know, I think it hits everybody different. One of the main things too that I've heard is that painful intercourse is one of the main things. So it's not just like, oh, I'm just not into it or I'm bored with it. It's like if it actually physically hurts, and yes, like the vaginal tissue becomes thin and dry and all these things, and not wanting to talk to your partner about that, I'm sure it's a big part of it. Yeah. But, working through that as a team, I think like when you get married, you know, if we're together forever, like we're going to get old together. We're going to go through some shit. But, once all that stuff comes and then she goes on her own path and tries to to figure it out by herself and is not including her partner in this part of the process. So, he has no idea what's going on or how to support or how to be helpful or how to change their sex towards more enjoyable with all these new changes, you know, but all that requires communication first and foremost.

And, you talk about you— you're like, "No, Ralph, in my group, I hear these women are actively trying to get help with this. Um, it's, uh, it's again, we're showing my audience consists of mostly a lot of anxious guys that are trying like hell to make their relationship better. And who do these guys match up with? The polar opposite. These avoidant women that are like, sex schmex, that, that we had our babies, we're done with that. And so those ladies are not going to go to get the hormonal treatment and try to do better, especially when Mr. Anxious is sitting there going Maybe it'll improve our sex life, huh? And she's like, oh, God, here we go again. So that's who I— that's who I talked to, unfortunately.

Unfortunately, that sucks. And I mean, if any of those gentlemen would like to give me a call, I will offer them 5 free minutes. If you mentioned that you saw me here with Ralph Brewer.

Yeah. Well, how is it that— how is it that people can reach out to you?

I prefer Facebook Messenger. Especially since we're like right here right now. This is probably the easiest way, Facebook Messenger, and just say, hey, I saw you on Ralph Brewer's show, how do I find you? I do have my link on my Facebook also. Okay, good. But like a lot of people would like a little like a, hey, how's it going? You know, I've noticed that the few people that I've heard from that saw me on our first show together were very sweet and kind of like shy. So it's adorable. That's your answer, guys.

I like it. Yeah, they don't have as much experience. And I would say probably a lot of men from my world, if they were to approach you, would be concerned of— they don't want to come across as some sex-hungry dickhead. They want to be sensitive. They want to show you that they're not some predator or whatever. To me? Yeah, to you.

They don't have to show me anything. They don't have to pretend to be anything. They're not.

No, that's why they're so timid.

Yeah, as themselves. Come as you are, right? Is that what we said? There you go. Yeah, I'm going to be the, the probably the least judgmental person in your life.

That's what I was going to get at, is that it's funny that they would approach you with that when you're the opposite. And well, they— these are the same guys, they take the energy into the dating world where they show their prospective mates, if you will, like, I'm not some sex-hungry fiend, I'm deeper, and I'm a more thoughtful, softer guy. And then the relationship goes and goes, and they're like, why isn't this turning into an erotic, hot, you know, thing? It's like, well, you led with the fact that you're not a sexual person. There's nothing— there's no shame in your sexuality. There's no shame in being a sexual man. Yes, I think you're gorgeous, and I would love to spend time with you, hot stuff. There's nothing wrong with that. But they lead with very much like best friend kind of energy, and then they're upset that it doesn't cross the threshold into an erotic level.

Yeah, well, I mean, the best friend energy doesn't really encompass a lot of confidence, right? Or that kind of little bit of alpha that women do like. But as far as them coming to me, I want them to just be themselves. That's all I want. I like seeing people feel good. Yes, what we do, it can be considered inappropriate, nasty, dirty, whatever, whoever, depending on who you're talking to. But I like seeing people feel good. That's the bottom line. So that's what I'm all about. I'm here for it. Very good.

And before we— we already passed the hour mark, believe it or not. That was fast. We did. That was fast. How you and I connected initially was that you saw a lot of my material and you saw some material talking about, oh, when men and women try to improve the intimacy within their marriage, it's the woman saying, eh, fine, forget it, we don't need to improve anything. And that you saw some of the same kind of feedback from people on your podcast where it was men coming to you saying, yes, I want to learn more about sexuality and men and women and what you've learned. And the women were basically like, eh, I'm good. And that was very frustrating to you to hear that.

It is frustrating, and it always was frustrating, especially because with my podcast, I I was really hoping to bring people together, like starting with the women. So the women would have to go to the man and say, you know, let's work on this. Or I've listened to this podcast and she brought up some really interesting things. Let's listen to it together and talk about it. That was my whole goal. But, you know, that's still in a flux situation. I'm not sure what's going on with that yet. Usually if I don't have anything to say, I'm really good at just shutting the fuck up. And that's where I'm at right now with the podcast. I don't really want to keep going down a certain path if I'm like, I'm not really sure which path I want to take it. So I'm just like in a resting spot for that. But yes, you popped up on my page and I see all the men and all the comments and all the frustration, and I totally get that. I feel for the guys. You know, my life has changed a little bit in the last few months, so I do see the female perspective a little bit better even though I feel like the men are definitely more willing and eager to try where the women kind of close down. Another thing, there's a new movie called Night Bitch. Have you heard of this? No, I have not. I can't— it's either Amazon or Hulu. And it's a good one. It definitely kind of like goes through like bits of a marriage and like this woman kind of losing her identity as a mother and as a wife and all of that kind of stuff. And I think it's beneficial probably for anyone to watch that's been in a relationship where you lose yourself a little bit and you're not your priority, your health, your mental health, your physical health, your sexual health, your communication with your partner, all those things kind of like fall to the wayside. So, it's a great movie. You should check it out. Yeah, check it out. But yes, all the men are still in my heart. I love them deeply. I I really do hope in the future to just still work on communication, or communication and relationships amongst couples. That's like my main goal. But in the meantime, like, I'm still here for the guys. Great.

And hey, don't, don't, don't lose sight of the whole podcast thing or wherever your talents take you, because not blowing smoke up your butt, but you are a— by virtue of probably your work has helped a great deal. You're very natural on the microphone. And I've done this thing for a while. I was, I was on radio when I was younger and stuff. So you can recognize when somebody's comfortable at it, when somebody's not. You're a natural at it and you're very good on camera. You're just a natural at this, talking about this game, the sex and relationship game. So don't, I don't want to see those talents go by the wayside and just be like, eh, I don't want to. I think for you, it's just get going. And once you get going, I think it'll just naturally flow and you'll develop an audience and you'll eclipse me in no time. But I would love to do more of these. I think you're a natural at it with the, with the conversation. We haven't had much. Definitely. We haven't had much in the way of feedback, just from a couple of guys here after the holidays, Friday afternoon. It's hard to figure out when these are the best time.

It's all good. I think it worked out perfectly that today is my anniversary.

I'm working on it today. That's right. 14 years in the business.

That's a good sign. Yeah, we definitely love to get together with you again. Have a great time talking.

Thank you.

And I'll read your book between now and next time.

And that book, for those wondering, is The Dead Bedroom Fix. And I will say this before we wrap up, guys, check out help4men.com. That's our main business, is Help for Men, in our private community called the HFM Brotherhood. help4men.com/join takes you to the page to learn all about the HFM Brotherhood, private community for men helping each other out. We have forums, we have live Zoom meetings, we get together in person, all kinds of cool stuff in the book. I mentioned The Dead Bedroom Fix, as well as 3 other books I've written, and another book that a guy on our team has written, Austin. Those are available at no extra charge to our members as well, even the audiobook format. So a lot of cool things. So check it out at help4men.com. And Miss Summer, thank you so very much again. Love having you on. Appreciate everything you do. Thank you so much. And we will, uh, guys, uh, jump to the, um, Dad Starting Over page on Facebook and you'll see the recording of this. And that's probably the best way to then jump on over to Summer's page and you can message her there if you would like. I was trying to think of the quickest way to get guys there. That's probably the easiest way. All right. Yes. Miss Summer, thank you once again. All right. All right. Awesome. We'll see you around next time. Bye-bye, guys. Definitely.