Maintaining a Harem: Navigating Sexual Relationships with Multiple Women

for the folks. Henry says, I want to start a topic on how to start a harem and maintaining one to keep the sex consistent. Harem, you know, a term that is used often in, I guess, religious circles. You could talk about— what is it, the Muslim faith? I, you know, I was made here not too long ago privy to the fact— actually, this came about in our last ProFest gathering we had last year. I didn't know this. One of our Muslim members was telling me that in his faith that it's actually on paper okay for a man to have 4 wives. I thought, oh, I had no idea. Holy shit. He's like, yeah, here's the kicker, you got to take care of all 4 of them though. You got to provide for all 4 of them. It's like, oh well, there you go. So basically 4 real wives that you have to take care of as their one husband. I thought that was interesting. But Henry, with his term harem, means Let's drop the term harem basically, and let's say, how do you maintain sexual relationships with more than one woman at a time? Keeping it consistent. The idea being from a very selfish male point of view, sexual point of view, you have this rotation of women, so to speak. So when Barbara is not having a very good day, you can jump over here to Sandra, These are really hot names, Barbara and Sandra. And when Sandra's out of commission, so to speak, you go over to Candace. And, you know, when you say it out loud for a youngish bachelor on the prowl, you know, there's a subset of men, relatively small subset of men, that that's their life. They have a, a pool of women to choose from, so to speak. And it's not every day, all day, but they just have, you know, 12 women in their little black book— that's what we used to say back in the day— or on their phone now. And so they're feeling a little frisky on a Wednesday night, and they go through the list, and they say, who do I want to contact first? You want to hang out Netflix tonight? I'm going to go out to eat, blah, blah. And away they go, and it's that easy for them. Again, relatively small portion of the guys out there. And I guess you could say that that dude in that imaginary scenario has a harem of women. But here's the thing, and I, I posted about this on Facebook, and, uh, yeah, I think it was just Facebook the other day. Um, I follow some people who do research on, oh, sexuality and relationships and so forth, and they post real data, they do actual surveys and so forth. And I would love to, uh, say his name, but I don't know it off the top of my head. I could probably share it in the comments later on here, uh, but, uh, he posted some data from surveys that showed a relatively small number of people out on the, uh, dating pool are having a lot of sex. And who are they having sex with? Other people who are also having a lot of sex with other people. So the promiscuous tend to match up with the promiscuous at the top of the little hierarchy pyramid of people who are having sex. Those people tend to interact with each other and have sex with each other. So If here's— I'm saying that because, pardon me, I forgot his name. Henry, how do I do the harem thing? In other words, how do I have this rotation of women to have sexual relationships with? And how do I maintain that? And how do I keep that going? Well, number one, you have to be comfortable with the fact that let's say you have 5 women in your rotation that you're consistently on a regular basis having relations with. They are in fact also having relations with multiple other Henrys out there? Are you cool with that? Because you kind of have to be. They're not going to be, you know, you only Henry and only Henry. They're going to be with other men. And especially in this day and age, how simple that is for the ladies out there. Um, do an online thing, Tinder, whatever it may be, and your inbox is basically, you know, a smoldering pile at the end of the day because of all the messages coming in. It's just a Totally different world for the men and women in that regard. I know not every woman does the online dating thing, but let's also take it out to the quote real world. Go into a bar and just randomly look for some single guy, go up to him, start having a chat, 5 minutes later saying, "You wanna go back to my place?" More often than not, the guy's gonna be like, "Sure?" There's been like videos on YouTube and stuff where there's been little social experiments where a man and woman do the same thing. Man goes up, "Hey woman, you wanna have sex?" And they run off and complain, like, "Get the hell away from me, you freak," and maybe call the police or whatever. Versus the woman does it and the men are like, "Oh, yeah, I got 10 minutes. Sure." It's a totally different world. And then Henry says, with the harem, what he's doing is— harem, a group of women he'll be having relationships with— what he's doing is he's saving women from being in bad marriages since they start the majority of divorces anyway. See how altruistic I am? That's one way of looking at it, Henry. This is for your own benefit, sweetheart. You want to be in my harem of women. You don't want to do that whole marriage thing, trust me. Well, that's one way to explore it, I'm sure. I mean, that's difficult. Let's say you're a dude that's out of a, making this up, 20-year dead bedroom relationship, marriage, whatever, that's off and on dead bedroom. It's just not satisfying in that way. It didn't, didn't fulfill you emotionally, sexually, whatever it may be. And you're out of that marriage, very toxic marriage, pardon me. And then you go out into the dating world. And for a lot of men that come from that environment, they come into the dating world with the mindset of, I'm going to have a lot of activity in the bedroom. I'm going to get it on with as many women as humanly possible. I'm just going to be a horn dog. They go from, uh, what's the word, from— they go from victim to Viking. I heard that the other day. I thought that's a really good one. I'm gonna steal that. And, um, you know, they're just sowing their oats and going out like crazy. And what a lot of those men do is they eventually say, this is a lot of drama. One thing I say in my book, The Dead Bedroom Fix, is with sex comes drama. Even if it's in a strict monogamous relationship, the sexier it becomes, it seems to elicit more drama, more emotion. And, uh, yeah, if you're a dude that's going to be out on the prowl and you want to have 6 different women that you're having sex with, your drama measuring tool, whatever, or your alarm, your drama alarm is going to be going off all the freaking time. Uh, just going to be a lot of drama. You got 6 individuals, 6 different people. I'm talking about an emotion-laden thing, relationship, sex. You know, we, we try to say, I'm going to keep emotion out of this, it's just about sex. Good frickin' luck, dude. You may be wired that way, but not necessarily other people that are— that you're— these women that you're interacting with, they may not necessarily be wired that way. They may not be able to keep emotion out of the equation. They may not be your F-buddy, as they're called. And frankly, for a lot of guys with that mindset, you probably aren't either, as you'll learn as you fall for some gal.