RBRalph BrewerFounder, Help For Men · Founder of Help For Men

Marriage & Baby Trends - Why Monogamy Isn't For Everyone

7 Jan 2026 · 1 min

Watch on YouTube

0:56

In this commentary, the speaker highlights two intersecting social trends: the steady decline in marriage rates and the accompanying drop in birth rates. He argues that lifelong monogamy, often presented as the default life script—mirroring the patterns of previous generations—is not suitable for everyone. The speaker critiques the cultural pressure to "shoehorn" oneself into a traditional marriage and family model, noting that many inherit dysfunctional relationship patterns from their parents and grandparents. He proposes a novel, though simple, idea: before committing to marriage and children, individuals should take a deliberate pause to assess and break these cycles, emphasizing fairness to both partners and future children. He concludes with a brief personal anecdote about meeting his ex‑wife in high school, underscoring his limited personal experience on the topic.

Chapters

There's, there are some trends in marriage and in the old baby-making rate. Both are going down. So people aren't getting married and making babies nearly as much. Long-term monogamy, that's what we're talking about. It's just you and I, and that's it forever and ever. It's not for everyone. And a lot of people try to shoehorn themselves into that world and try to make it work because, hey, it's just what you do. It's just what my mom and dad did. Yeah, sure, that was broken. And that's what Grandma and Grandpa did. And oh yeah, that was broken too. But it's just what you do. What else you gonna do, stay single forever? No. So you get married, have kids, and then all hell breaks loose. And you're like, man, Just like what you pointed out, just like what mom and dad did. And so what you're talking about is what I tell a lot of guys, wouldn't it be nice if one of us said, "Timeout, we don't need to keep doing this dysfunction train, you know, let's just hop off the train and figure stuff out before we bring other humans into our life." What a novel concept that is, because it's not fair to them. It's not fair to you. And at the time when I was— I'd met my ex-wife when I was in high school. So I mean, what do I know?