In this monologue, the speaker critiques the "nice guy" or codependent male mindset, linking it to the phenomenon of a "dead bedroom"—a sexless relationship. He explains that many men avoid setting boundaries out of fear of loss, anxiety, and a desire to keep the peace, which he frames as a beta, people‑pleasing attitude rooted in anxious attachment. The speaker references Dr. Robert Glover’s book No More Mr. Nice Guy to clarify that the goal isn’t to become an asshole, but to stop excessive people‑pleasing. He contrasts this with an "alpha" approach that embraces clear boundaries, self‑advocacy, and authentic needs, arguing that such men experience greater success professionally, socially, and sexually. The talk also touches on the alpha/beta framing, the importance of socializing and dating actively, and concludes with a promotional call to join the DSO Fraternity community, offering a free month for those interested in personal development.
Chapters
Joe says it's amazing how much being a, quote, nice guy and the whole dead bedroom correlate, but I also don't want to be an asshole. Building boundaries can be a bear. So, um, yeah, Joe is using some of the vernacular in our little world, in the male relationship talk sphere, if you will. Uh, let's start with nice guy. Another word, another word for, as I've mentioned earlier, um, codependent guy. A lot of people don't like to belittle the term nice guy because who doesn't want to be nice? A lot of women hear that and go, uh-oh, he wants to be an asshole. If he's reading some book called No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover, check it out, that means he wants to be a dick. He wants to be a jerk. Somebody told this guy that in order to get laid and get ahead in life and all that other stuff, you just need to be an asshole. That's not what that's about. Joe will tell you more than anybody after reading all that material by Dr. Glover and so forth. It basically means stop being a people-pleasing, codependent Yes sir, yes ma'am, whatever you say, sir, whatever you say, ma'am. Happy wife, happy life. Just, I'm gonna stop, um, um, I'm gonna keep things nice and smooth and steady. I don't wanna rock the boat. That's what I was looking for. I don't wanna rock the boat. I want, I want to keep things smooth. I don't wanna cause any trouble. I don't wanna put up boundaries. They don't say that verbally, but this is what they're saying is basically I just wanna go along with whatever. I wanna be very passive. Because I'm afraid— this is the essence of a lot of the nice guy codependent stuff, the anxious attachment stuff, however you want to frame it— is if I stick up for myself, if I, if I show what I'm really thinking, if, if I tell a person no, I run the risk of losing them. And the idea of losing them fills me with a lot of pain. And a lot of anxiety, and I can't imagine going through life without them. Therefore, I'm gonna set my very real and normal healthy needs aside, my feelings aside, any kind of vulnerability, forget that, I'll just get hurt. It is in essence, to use the term that is way overused and not very nice on the internet, although I'm seeing it less and less, it's a very quote-unquote beta mindset. You've heard the alpha, beta, which basically means manly and not so manly, masculine and not so masculine, strong and codependent. It's a very codependent beta mindset, if you will. Don't want to rock the boat, don't want to do any of that. What will cause me the least amount of drama and the least amount of anxiety going through life? That's my path, that's what I'm going to do. And sure as shit, if you have that mindset going through life He talks about dead bedroom is the other term he used here, which means basically sexless relationship. Yeah, you're going to be the kind of guy that's not going to get any, or very little, compared to the guy who has boundaries, compared to the guy who's not afraid to say, "No, I'm not doing that," compared to the guy who says, "These are my needs. This is what I want. I'm not going to hide from it. I'm not ashamed of who I am. That's who I am." Sure as shit, that guy gets more out of life professionally. He gets more out of life friend-wise, and yes, romance, sex-wise. Mr. Nice Guy, Mr. Codependent— I've heard a lot of guys call themselves, I'm an empath, and all this other stuff. They point across the aisle and say, those other guys are just dicks, they're jerks, and they're getting a lot more than I am. And you know what? That is Proof, Exhibit A for women just like jerks, and women suck for that reason. And dudes, you just don't get it. You need to get out more. You need to interact more, socialize more, date more. Yes, get a lot of nos, get a drink thrown in your face. You got to get out there and live, and then it will eventually click for you. You'll find your, your rhythm. You'll find out who you are as an individual. In this dating world, again, this all bleeds together. This isn't just dating and courtship and romance and sex. This bleeds through every facet of your life, this codependent, Mr. Nice Guy, meek, people pleaser kind of behavior. If you squash it, a lot of things improve in your life, a lot of things. So if any of that clicks with you, check out our group, DSO Fraternity. I'm going to paste again the link for those that may have missed it the first time, link to our group, one month for free.
