She Said: ‘You Need More Ambition’ — Why Women Walk Away

So, Mr. Useful Youth— it's hard for me to say— Useful Thoughts. Could you pick a more, uh, tongue twister? Useful Thoughts. I have 3 academic degrees but a low income. This often disappoints women, and they don't understand my free lifestyle. What do you think about the— about low-income, high-education men? Who cares what I think, dude? What do you think? Yeah, woman, I'm a— I make $25 grand a year, I live out of my van, I'm happy as can be, I love my life, I live on the beach. I'm making a bunch of shit up, I don't know, dude, it's what I do, man. And I got a lot of degrees because I like learning, I find life interesting, is what it is. Now with that being said, as, as, um, confident as that sounds, and it's like I don't really give a shit as that may sound, yes, useful thoughts, you are going to scare away a large percentage of the women out there. Women that are interested in long-term monogamous relationships, marriage, whatever it may be. They're going to look for somebody who has a track record of earning, winning, ambitious behavior. Most women that are like, I'm looking for a long-term dude, husband material out there. If I were to put like, here's, uh, you, UT, Mr. UT here, here's his criteria: degree, degree, degree. I think probably 9 times out of 10 women will be like, interesting, sounds like a hard-working dude, tell me more. Yeah, but he's not interested in making any kind of money. This is how much he makes and he ain't going ever going to go beyond that. He's cool with the way things are now. They'll be like, probably a guy I would have fun with, maybe. But as far as marriage and all that stuff, eh, no, not for me, thanks. That's going to be a big chunk of, dare I say, the majority of women out there. Let's just face reality. That's what it is. Are these women shallow? Are they? No. I mean, they're— they got certain criteria for what they're looking for in a mate. And most women will say it's not a guy— I'm making shit up again— that lives out of his van and, you know, beach bum type of dude. It might be the guy that she has the summer fling with It might be the guy that she's, uh, you know, had— has a little something and blogs about it later or whatever, but not for a long-term relationship. Is that bad? I don't think so. I'm not going to look at this woman and say they're a bunch of shallow a-holes or whatever. Is what it is, man. Much like— here, let's try to draw a parallel and flip the genders. The vast majority of men, if you put, um, you know, a resume together of a woman— here's a potential mate for you, dude— Cool. Let's say— and you're like, she's got her own money, she got a good career, she loves kids, she's great with kids. Look at all of her friends. She has a— you know, we've hooked up a truth detector machine to her brain and she's never committed infidelity. She's never screwed around. She's been a good person. She's a very good person. She donates to charity. She does all these things. And you're like, what a good individual. I'd like to get to know this person. And then they show you an image and she weighs 900 pounds. And she looks like Jabba the Hutt. 9 times out of 10, those men are going to say, ooh, not for me, sorry Jabba, you know, I'm sure you can find a better match for you, but it ain't me. Oh, how shallow, how terrible. And then she goes to the internet and says, can you believe all these men, they won't give me a chance just because I look like this. That's what it is, man. You own a 100 square meter apartment and a car, you youthful. Oh, okay, cool. But it's not enough. Says who? The majority of women out there? The majority of women that UT attracts, hangs on to? It's not enough for what? For long-term partnership? Cool, good for them. Are you saying you get like no action? Food for thought, my friend. Some of the men that have been in my periphery, in my life, at some, some degree How ironic that the ones who had the most luck with women— and by that I mean sexual success, let's be honest, the guy has a lot of notches on his belt, on his bedpost, whatever— tend to be kind of losers. Like, from a very superficial, uh, ones and zeros money point of view, career aspirations point of view, the quintessential beach bum The guy who, you know, lives out of his van but travels all over the place and playing guitar on the beach and doing odd jobs and everything, those guys tend to get laid, man. What is that? That free spirit, that I don't give a shit spirit. And then what's interesting though, while they may get laid, so to speak, I bet if you ask that guy, if you were to approach 10 women in a bar and say, this is, you know, give them the speech, this is who I am, this is what I do, he'd probably tell you, oh, 9 out of 10 would tell me to get lost. But the 10th one, she has fun. She don't mind. We have fun. That's it. But he would also tell you, but I'm not delusional enough to think that I'm going to get a long-term relationship with any of them because I don't have the qualities that most ladies desire in a long-term mate. Is that a good summation of your situation? UT says it was not enough for recently a medical doctor. A PR CEO girl, and even an unemployed woman. No matter whom I date, they all want luxury holidays and a house with a garden and a pool. Well, who doesn't want that? But they want that from a long-term mate. Sure, like I just told you, you know, pretend you're the Jabba the Hutt woman. None of these men— all these men want the woman with the 34-24-36 hourglass figure and looks like an Instagram model and which is not necessarily true. They just don't want Jabba the Hutt. Maybe you're saying all these women want the, the guy with the, the garden and the, in the pool and everything else. Is that maybe a little bit of a self-defense mechanism of, no, they want a guy with more aspirations, more ambition in life? There is the case, Ute and others, that, you know, there's a lot of this, um, uh, narrative out there of What do women bring to a relationship? Women just cause a lot of anxiety and tension in a man's life. And a lot of men report, you know, once divorced, like, the weight's off my shoulders. I'm free to do whatever the hell I want. If I want to stay up a little late and watch the game, I could do that. If I want to go drive to the beach and do this and do that, go fishing, it's just like, holy shit. And their conclusion in all that is, wow, women in my life— when he looks back on this and other relationships— just really are kind of a buzzkill. They just put a big blanket of depression over everything, and then once they're gone, I'm alive again. Sure, that's one way of looking at it, but I'll tell you what, you know me, this is coming from me, very pro-male dude. For a lot of guys out there, a lot, do you know what a woman represents in their life? Something to shoot for, something to impress, someone to impress. Um, there are plenty of men out there who pre-woman was guy sitting on his butt playing video games, not a lot of ambition. Eh, is what it is, man. I got my little part-time job, got my apartment, I can cover the rent and have a few bucks left over to hang out and have some beers, put food in the fridge. What more does a guy need? Then he meets a woman She expects more. She expects ambitions. And he's like, I guess I'll go over to my uncle's business and get a job selling insurance. I guess I'll work really hard, become an insurance salesman. I guess I'll work and eventually become manager of the insurance. I guess I'll become regional director, I guess. And when he looks back on all of his success later, when he's a 60-some-year-old guy sitting on a pile of money, he's like, I got my wife to thank for a lot of that. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have the drive and the ambition to really get going in the world. That's a lot of men. So the— is the conclusion that, um, you know, a lot of guys wouldn't have any kind of sense of, of go-getterness or whatever, or ambition or whatever in life if it's not for women? I think that applies to a lot of men. Let's just be honest. Not every man. Some men flourish professionally, spiritually, and everything when they're single. They're more wired for the bachelor life. When they're tied down to one woman, they're just like, and that just stifles all kinds of creativity, ambition, everything in me. They just become couch potatoes, and then they later in life realize, like, why did I do this? That's a lot of men as well. Uh, Mr. Scott, who is a coach within Help for Men— so go to helpformen.com/coaching and look at Scott's, uh, bio if you want to learn more about Mr. Scott Timm— he says, if you are measuring yourself with the materialistic standard, the women you are attracting also measuring you with a materialistic standard. There you go, dude. So UT, we're not victim blaming here or pointing the finger at you, but we're like, maybe it's some, some vibes or wherever social circle you surround yourself in that you are attracting these women who are maybe a little shallow, a little superficial about what they want. I only want a guy who drives a Rolls-Royce. You know, if somebody came to me and said every woman that I'm with wants a man who drives a Rolls-Royce, I'll be like, where are you hanging out, dude? What kind of women want a Rolls-Royce? I don't know anybody's got a Rolls-Royce. Mr. UT says, I'm happy making around $30K and I have time to walk my dog, enjoy nature, cook, etc., but doesn't seem what women expect. A normal life. Cool. All right, dude, that's your world, man. You know, which do you want? You want to do the typical thing that most women— quote— most women out there want, or do you want your own little life that you love that's relatively low income but happy? Can't have it all, dude. You know, back to the Jabba the Hutt example. She's like, I like my food. I like my body the way it is. I'm not unhappy with being Jabba the Hutt and weighing 900 pounds, but it doesn't— damn, it doesn't seem to be what men want. This sucks. I don't know what to say, man. It could be argued, Mr. UT and others, when you got a gal that says to you, you don't make enough for me, this is what I need, this is what I need, you say, oh, phew, thank goodness. Shake her hand and go, thank you for not wasting any more of my time because you're not the type of individual I want to hang out with. Have a good day. Yeah, you are in essence— if that upsets you so much to the point of Mr. UT of being like, these freaking women, they're all— you're advertising what? Basically your scarcity when it comes to the romantic world. You know, if I'm out and about and let's say I'm a single dude again and I'm out meeting some gal and I, I just go to some gal that I think is kind of pretty and I eyeball her and say she's about my age and I go, hey, I'm Ralph, what's your name? Nice to meet you. She'd be like, sorry dude, I don't like bald men. I'd be like, okay, nice to meet you too, but, uh, all right, well, have a good one. I wouldn't sit up all night going, freaking women don't like bald guys. That's her opinion, dude. She likes men with hair, cool. Ironically, I probably wouldn't like a bald woman either, but hey, is what it is. But why would I just be so flippant and be like, hey, good for her, cool. Cool, because I know she's literally one of millions of women out there. Ain't no big deal, dude. UT, you have a sample size of how many women have turned you down? 672 women have turned you down because of your job? Probably not. What, 12, 20? Keep going, dude. Resign yourself to the fact that you're in for maybe casual relationships that are fun, but probably not going to find a long-term partner the way you want. Has someone or something sold you on the idea that you need a long-term partner to go through life with, and if you don't have them, you're a failure? Is that something to explore? It's not necessarily true. UT says, I had around 40 women in my life. Damn. So we're kind of like the, the vagabond lover here. Um, you're kind of playing that out, aren't you? I am 43, but it's getting harder. You're 43 now and it's getting harder, what, to get women? So do you always have like this carousel of women coming in and out of your life, and now like the carousel has kind of slowed down, and what used to be 3 women a month is now one every other month, one every 6 months, and you're just like, uh-oh, this isn't good? And the feedback you're getting from women is like, we need some more ambition out of you, dude. Um, maybe this is the universe telling you it's time to do more? Or do you just go, yeah, here's what it is, I like who I am? Um, he says, exactly. So you were Mr. Loverboy and now you're not so much. Um, is this somewhat, um— oh boy, why am I even going down this train of thought? But hear me out. Um, I've heard this out of women's mouths, so I'm not being sexist. I'm not saying, haha, ladies, this isn't good, this isn't nice, this isn't fair. I feel for you ladies. But there is this phenomena thing of some women saying, I was in my 20s and 30s and I had male callers, suitors, whatever. This sounds very old-fashioned, isn't it? A lot of guys hitting on me, wanting me, wanting my number, wanting to take me on dates, but paying for meals, wanting to take me on vacations, proposing marriage. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no. Maybe they had a failed long-term relationship or two, and then they get in their 40s and it's, it's okay, they still get some attention in their 50s. They're like, what What happened? 60s, they're like, be nice to have a guy and be nice to get attention again. It'd be nice. And, uh, a lot of these ladies, and I talk to them, they tell me like, I feel invisible now and this sucks. Maybe you're reaching that kind of the equivalent of that in UT's world. I don't know. Mr. Lover, Mr. Playboy, and they're just like, not enough, dude. You're 43 now, we need to see a little bit more out of you. Keep going. I don't know, it could be a whole bunch of different things here.