🔥 Should Men Lower Their Libidos To Match Their Partners'?

Alright, here's something that I've been chewing on for a while, something that I'm a little conflicted about. I get the, the origin of this type of advice. I get where it's coming from. I understand that it can be construed as healthy. But there's also a part of me that says, I don't like where this goes. The advice is this, that men within dead bedroom situations, which is usually when I— the men that I speak to. And by the way, if you don't know, I wrote a book about this whole topic called "The Dead Bedroom Fix." Men in these situations are such that it's— they are the quote-unquote "high libido" person, and the wife seems to be what we call kind of sexually dormant, not really interested in the old physical act in the bedroom. If he's so lucky, he is able to drag said wife to couples counseling, And sometimes the counselor will say something to the effect of, "You need to eliminate, dude, a lot of outside stimuli that is artificially bumping up your libido." So in other words, cut it out with all this outside stuff that is really turning you on. All it's doing is frustrating you. And it is not fair to your lower libido partner that your libido is pumped up even more. We need to bring you closer down to her level. That's where I go, ooh, I don't know. But on one hand, I recognize that the world of adult entertainment— I'm avoiding using certain terms that will get this video penalized— is not healthy. It's junk food for the urges, physical urges that people have, men especially. The Men are the ones who consume the adult entertainment way more so than women. And for the men, it's a very quick and easy way to get from A to Z. Typically, in the world of relationships and physical intimacy, there's this whole song and dance to go from A to Z. It's this whole process. And basically, the makers of this adult entertainment have created this junk food that allows you to satiate your appetite very quickly in an arguably very unhealthy manner. It short-circuits the brain, it can become an addictive thing, and it can get in the way of true real relationships. So for a lot of men, I recommend just cut it out completely. So I can see the case where people would say, you know, set that aside, that is not healthy. But to do so under the guise of because it is artificially raising your libido, and you need to— and I think this is the key part that makes me wince— is to say, and you need to bring yourself down closer to your lower libido partner to be fair in the relationship. That's where I go, I don't like that, because frankly, there's a lot of stuff that we can frame as being artificial enhancers of libido in the male, you know, keeping with the high libido male, low libido female dynamic. Maybe you shouldn't go to the gym, for example, because we know that exercise, particularly strenuous weightlifting exercise, for example, can raise your testosterone. And for men, if I raise your testosterone, your libido is probably going to follow. Just ask any guy who's been put on a regimen of testosterone replacement therapy or a cycle of anabolic steroids. So going to the gym and bench pressing and squatting and deadlifting and everything else is not the most natural thing in the world. It may result in you artificially bumping your testosterone up, which will artificially raise your libido. So maybe we should tell those men in dead bedrooms, don't do that. Yes, it's good for your health. Yes, it will provide, you know, many more years of healthy living to your life. But you know what? If your goal is to fix this physical intimacy within the bedroom, maybe you should cut that out. By the way, if that sounds ridiculous to a lot of you listening to this, there are some people that legitimately feel that way. That any kind of self-improvement will just bump up your feelings of inadequacy within the relationship. In this case, it will bump up your testosterone. It's not good for the relationship to do this kind of self-improvement. Sticking with the gym, another way it may be bad is that you are within— in a small confined space, even though some of these gyms are like the size, you know, of a shopping mall. But let's pretend here it's a small confined space and you're with a lot of other fit people. Some of those people are of of the opposite sex. Some of those people look really, really good. That is going to raise your libido. You're going to get turned on, and that is not fair to your low libido partner. So cut that out, mister. Sticking with the health and fitness thing, what about just losing weight? What if you're a person who's like 100 pounds overweight? Do you know what happens if you lose the 100 pounds? There's a massive change to your endocrine system. One interesting little thing a lot of people don't know is that if you have an excessive amount of adipose tissue, fat, in your body as a man, your levels of estrogen go way up. That's why you see a lot of guys who are, uh, morbidly obese may have what appears to be breasts. For a lot of them, they have what's called gynecomastia, which is the actual development of glandular breast tissue. Basically, their chest becomes that of a woman. Because they have such excessive amounts of estrogen in their system. Well, you get those guys to lose a bunch of weight and the hormones start leveling themselves out. They feel more manly, more masculine, and yes, more turned on by the world around them. Maybe we need to tell those guys that, hey, cut it out, just keep the weight on, because the more pounds you lose, you're, you're causing a further disparity and the libido is between you and your low libido partner. And as far as the health of the relationship is concerned, that's no bueno. You see where I'm going with this, guys. We're getting into some dangerous territory here, which is you need to lower yourself to the level of the, by my estimation, objectively unhealthy individual to appease this nebulous thing of the relationship. So we have like this relationship god that we have to appease and we have to make sacrifices to it. We have to sacrifice our health and our longevity and our appearance and everything to appease the god of the relationship. Which really, when it boils down to, is you need to lower yourself to the low level of the low libido, unhealthy, dysfunctional partner. Otherwise, it's mean of you to expect them to rise to your level. That's unfair. Frankly, I think it's horseshit. Taking it from an admittedly super simplistic masculine framework, it's very much a winner-loser mentality. It's the old crabs in the bucket, right? If you don't know the analogy, picture a bunch of crabs in a bucket. One of the crabs starts to crawl his way out and he reaches the top, and sure enough, the crabs at the bottom say, not so fast, and with their pinchers they pull them down. For a lot of you guys in this situation that find yourselves improving You're gonna have a lot of people, some with good intentions, try to pull you down. They throw the proverbial loser lasso on you and pull you down and say, "Not so fast, Mr. Winner. What you're doing is not good for the relationship." At some point in your personal development, you're going to have to leave people behind. Some of those people are not very healthy for you. Some of those people may be family, blood relatives, parents, siblings. It may be friends that you've known for decades, and it may be your romantic partner, your spouse. They may be in fact holding you down. It's this delicate balancing game. You don't want to become this narcissistic asshole that's just like, screw everybody, I'm the greatest thing in the world. But at the same time, if doing something like going to the gym or losing weight or dressing better or being a healthy normal male, or taking testosterone replacement therapy because your testosterone levels are way too low and it's unhealthy. If any of that is seen as unhealthy for the relationship machine, then perhaps it behooves you to, to leave said relationship. That relationship is quite literally holding you down. It's the crab in the bucket. Having a healthy libido is healthy. Being a sexual creature is normal. You have needs. God, the universe, whatever you want to call it, has implanted you with those needs for a reason. You're supposed to act on them. If you are with a person who says, "I disagree with your very basic human need and impulse. That doesn't pertain to me." Well, guess what? There are plenty of other people that will say, "Well, it pertains to me." I'll take them. You just have to realize your value. And I think that's what a lot of you are doing in this journey of self-improvement is you are finally realizing your value. And for a lot of people that finally realize their value like this, it's heartbreaking to see all those loved ones around you say, "Not so fast. We need you to be down here at our level. It makes us feel bad to see you improve." And to them, you say, adiós.