When wives lose sexual desire after menopause, some tell their husbands to find sex elsewhere. A survey from the Open Minded website found two-thirds of couples in open marriages had the woman propose it. The speaker sees this as a long-standing pattern, not a modern invention.
Chapters
And you say you're not sure that all women experience responsive desire. Well, of course I don't. Not everybody has sexual desire. That's a tough pill to swallow apparently for a lot of people. You know, I've talked to some men that are like, my wife's 65 years of age, post-menopause, had all these problems, blah, blah, blah, no hormonal treatment, no nothing. And as of like the last 7 years, she hasn't wanted to touch me, doesn't want to do anything like that, but she's still my best friend in the world. She told me go get sex elsewhere. She told me go get a girlfriend, she'll look the other way, but I don't wanna do that. I want my wife to be turned on by me. It's like, dude, it's not happening. She doesn't want it. Leave her alone and stop bellyaching about wanting it from somebody who doesn't want you. She's giving you the green light to go get some. And then we have guys go, but I don't wanna get some. I want some from my wife. Don't know what to tell you, dude. Can't have your cake and eat it too. Just the way it is. Maybe this is pointing to some kind of codependent streak in you, wanting something from somebody that doesn't want you. Not good. Um, Guitar God, on the other hand, says he'd happily get a side piece. Curious, what would your wife think of that, Guitar God? That little scenario I just spelled out is not the typical. Typically it's, uh, I don't want it, and, uh, you're not going to get it either. And a lot of men say, why would a woman not allow you to go get it elsewhere if she shuts off her supply? You know, she's like, post-menopause, it ain't you, it's me. Sorry, it ain't happening, buddy. You could do everything you want to do to improve yourself in the situation, but nope, not happening. And then he goes, well, can I go out and find companionship elsewhere? And she's like, yeah, you do, and I'll divorce you and take everything you're worth. Why would she do that? Because she realizes that you step out and go get it elsewhere, you ain't coming back, dude. Just the nature of the beast. Can you imagine going, you know, being in a sexless marriage, pushed away, I don't want anything to do with you, there's nothing you could do to fix this, and then suddenly you go out and you find some gal who treats you like a king and is validating and strokes your male ego and makes you feel amazing? And then you got to come back to the old battle axe, it ain't happening. And your wife knows that. And then Guitar God, in reference to wife wanting you to go out and get some, uh, you say you're not sure that she would care, but you're not sure she'd want to have that conversation. It's probably a don't ask, don't tell kind of thing. That is basically the frame for a lot of such relationships throughout history. I don't think people have enough appreciation for— and I've tweeted about this and created videos about this— I don't think people have enough appreciation for how common it was for the situation to be, let's say, Grandma. Grandma says, it ain't happening, Grandpa. It's— I know you're a 60, 70-some-year-old dude that wants to get it on with me, but sorry, that I closed up shop a while back. And then Grandpa does a little something on the side and she looks the other way. That's gone on for generations, guys. I'm not condoning it. I'm not saying it's a good thing, bad thing. I'm just saying it just is. It just was. Nowadays, it's a lot of people saying, yeah, go ahead and do that, buddy, and I'll take you for everything you're worth. Or sometimes it's more out in the open than it's ever been. I think we're more, um, you know, I don't know if we are more tolerant of that or not. As the words are starting to come out of my mouth, I'm not sure that is the case. Um, there is fringes of society where they're very open about that, and it is surprising to a lot of people to hear that this concept of open marriages— that's what we're talking about— is more often than not proposed by the woman. Not in terms of go get you some dude because I don't want you, but in terms of I want these other people. This is what the woman is saying. So I suggest we go this alternative lifestyle, Mr. Man. And the husband's like, what? Who saw this coming? Uh, there was a survey done for a website called Open Minded. I think they surveyed some 60-some thousand couples within the group there, and two-thirds of them, it was the woman saying it was my idea to do the open marriage thing. Very interesting.
