Robert jumped into a new relationship three weeks after his divorce. The speaker explains why rebound breakups often hurt worse than the original divorce: the new partner feels like hope and normalcy after you're still raw from the first loss. He advises giving yourself time and leaning on other veterans for support.
Chapters
Okay, Mr. Robert, you say you got with this new gal too soon, you say, after your marriage. Here is something that I say that is such a universal thing amongst so many men, and you are exemplifying it, my friend. And by the way, been there, done that. You'll hear me say that a lot, and it's not because I'm blowing smoke up your ass or bullshitting you or I'm some all-knowing thing. It's just that, dude, we've all been through this shit. You're— you go through the divorce, it sucks, it's painful, you lick your wounds, you put yourself back on the market way too fast. Been there, done that. And, uh, when you look back on it years from now, you know what you're going to say? Why did I get so quickly into the dating thing? 3 weeks after the divorce, pretty quick, dude. Um, you put yourself out there And basically you're using these women and dating as kind of a human aspirin to make yourself feel better. The attention, the good new relationship feeling, the pretty woman, you know, being nice to you, the sex. Let's be honest, it makes you feel great. Nothing compares to that. And we kind of innately know that. We throw ourselves back on the market right away, don't we? And, um, Then we get with one and we're like, holy shit, the universe has blessed me with— or the God, or whatever— has blessed me with this perfect individual. How did I get so lucky? We click on this level, on that level, and she's beautiful and she's smart and she's this and blah blah blah blah blah. Everything is wonderful, yahoo! And then the breakup, and every man says the same goddamn thing. Excuse my language. This breakup with this gal, this new girlfriend, hurts worse than the divorce that I just endured. Why? It's a complex thing, a lot of layers to it. But how I kind of oversimplify it is to say you haven't fully recovered from the previous relationship. So you have all that kind of bullshit pain sloshing around in your head, in your heart, if you want to say that. And you're bringing that into the world, into a new relationship. That's not a good recipe for the beginnings of a relationship. Setting that aside, this new girlfriend represents hope, represents normalcy again. I return to normal. I return to love. I return to— I have a sense of value. I'm a good person. I'm worthy of the love of another human. And then the universe says, psych, she's crazy too. And you're like, god damn it, uh, what's wrong with me? Why do I keep running into all these people, these women? Why'd I keep in this relationship? Is something wrong with me? Is it me? Do I really suck that bad? And I swear this person was my soulmate and it didn't work. I will never recover from this. Dude, we've all been down that road. By this time next year, you're going to look back on this. You're not going to laugh because it's not a funny thing, but you're going to, you're going to understand it more. And you're saying like, I'm a logical person, you know, I get all this shit. I get it too. But it's tough. Give yourself some grace. I know it hurts. I know it sucks. You're going to have potentially weeks and months of more pain of this, more of this pain. You can endure it. You'll be fine. You've been through worse, Mr. Marine of 21 years. All right, lean on other dudes. Yes, I will tell you again, as I've said many times in this group, if you're not already a member of our group, join today. As a veteran, uh, you'll get it dirt cheap. $14 a month, I believe, will be your fee if you pay monthly. $14 a month, what's that come to? Less than 50 cents a day to join a support group of 700 individuals, many of which are veterans, military guys, US and otherwise. Um, who've been there, been there, done that, and have done this rebound relationship is what we call it, done the divorce thing, and it hurts and it sucks. Been cheated on, all that stuff, waving my hand, been there, done that. And you can always, if you want to take, you know, join the group, join in the discussion, join in the meetings, of which I'm going to have another one tomorrow, uh, and then next week as well, and the week after that, week after that. I have 3 of them myself every week, and then our other guys have meetings as well. Jason, he hosts a meeting just for veterans. Uh, in addition to that, you can book one-on-one time with me to chat with myself, guys on the team. We have the books. All my books are available to you at no extra charge. All the meetings are recorded. If you miss one, you can listen to it. We have a lot of stuff, dude. I made the group for you because your situation was mine so many years ago, 12 years ago. I went through everything you're going through.. And I was like, this sucks, I need help. And there wasn't a lot of people to turn to to say, you know, I go to my buddy Todd, who I love him, he's a great dude, but he doesn't have any experience in all this shit. Um, so I created my own group, attracted more and more guys to me as I put out more and more content, put in front of millions of eyeballs, and voilà, we have the, um, helpformen.com, the HFM Brotherhood. So check it out. And Robert says, I'll check it out. Well, very good. Uh, and the Dear DSO thing as well. Excellent. Look forward to chatting with you.
