What Impact Does "Body Count" Have on a Person?

And so you've identified then that you admit that sexual connection can in fact lead to, what's the proper term, a deeper bonding if you're not careful.

Oh yeah, if you're willy-nilly with it.

So does this point to something that a lot of your more conservative types say, which is, I'm on the dating market, I'm looking for the next Mrs. Right. He's a guy who believes in strict monogamy. I'm going to get married, have kids and everything else. And he meets a gal who is sexually open. And she says, I have been with 128 men. You know, something, something crazy like that, which by the way, you do this, excuse me, Summer, that's not that, that's not that crazy.

I know there's a lot, there's a lot of high bars, especially with young, young people these days.

It's for, for some young folks, it's like a very casual thing, like getting coffee with somebody. What I hear. I'm not in that world, thank goodness. But, um, so that guy is with that gal and he hears that number, and some men say that is indicative of the fact that, well, number one, the woman is incapable of bonding with a person because if she's done that that many times and not bonded with somebody, something's off here. Or thing two, um, I don't know what, what, what the— if she does bond with me she will easily lose that connection because I can see that she's able to do this casually with so many people. I guess that's my way of saying, and I've asked other gals this that I've spoken to, do you feel that your number of sexual partners, the term that they use these days is body count, I don't know if you're familiar with this. Does that make a difference? And does that impact your ability to form a lifelong bond with somebody?

That is tricky. That's a sticky one because I don't want to sex shame. I want people to be having amazing sex as often as possible. But I was in— I was married most of my life. I do not have a high body count at all, but my body count is still higher than my last partner, which is shocking. He's never been married or anything. So I think it I don't know. Honestly, I don't even want to answer that question because just because a woman has had, you know, 130 sexual partners, that doesn't mean that she can't commit or doesn't want to. Also, I think like, you know, I was raised in a completely different way than, you know, our 20s and 30-year-olds were raised, you know, the ones that are coming up now. Like, my mom was very strict. I wasn't allowed to watch Married... with Children or Baywatch. Was not allowed to be on the TV in my house. And look at me now. But if I had been raised differently and I was out just having fun searching for my partner, would I want that held against me? No, I would lie. I would lie about my body count. If I had had sex with 130 people, yeah, I wouldn't want to be shamed on that. That's a lot. I would lie. You heard it here first.

But then you would open yourself up to a world of people that would potentially be not sexually compatible with you. If you've been with 130 people, you're probably a pretty sexy sexual person who's more open-minded and more in touch with your body and everything. And you get with a person who's like—

I don't think that that's necessarily true at all. No, I think that you— to be promiscuous, you don't have to be sexy or smart or educated. You just have to just open your legs, really, especially as a female. There's going to be any man for the most part, is going to be happy to put it there. So, it doesn't take any kind of a connection from a man. A man's— not every man, but lots and lots of men see an opportunity.

Sure.

They take it. Does that say less about him, more about her? Like, what, you know, I think it's interesting that women definitely get more sex shamed than men. My last partner, not the one that I just Not the last one, the one before that, he had over 100 sexual partners because he was having a lot of fun in his 20s. Do I hold that against him at 40? You know, no, I didn't. Do I think it made him— make him a better lover? I would say he was an average lover.

Interesting. Well, you know, just on the surface, you would think more practice, or you would, you know, just be able to ride your bike.

But it's like a one-off though. Also, if it's a one-off, If it's like a one-night stand or a one-time thing, what are you really learning that you're going to take to the next partner, your next relationship? I mean, it's just most likely a quick get-off. Are you worshiping her erogenous zones? Are you taking your time? No, it's probably like a hump and dump.

It's probably more, especially from the male side, it's probably more indicative of a level of charm and personality that allows him to be— get a connection with so many women. Yeah, you don't get to that level. What's that?

We call that a fuckboy.

No fucks. So he's, he's got those.

And usually you can spot them a mile away. Also, they have a, like, a fuckboy look, a smell, an aura about them. Yes. Uh, if you don't recognize a fuckboy, like, you're, you're clueless, because usually, like, they have a shirt on basically that says, I'm a fuckboy.

Can you describe the typical characteristics?

I mean, mostly our first sign of a fuckboy is that they're going to be sending you dick pics straight out of the gate without you asking for them. That's a very good sign of a fuckboy.

Okay, but if he has so much experience, that means he's been able to get past the gate, so to speak, and get into a woman and be able to do that. Is he saying then, by showing you pictures like that, is he saying, this works, so that's why I do this? What woman gets that?

It works and it's probably nice. It's probably big. It probably looks erect.

So he's—

and well-groomed. Like, I have a sexy— my gents are sexy. They're also going to say all the right things, but they're going to move way too fast. They're going to want to get you out, get you alone, touching you. Like, they move quick and And a lot of times, like, they'll tell you they're a fuckboy if you ask. Like, if you're like, you're a fuckboy, aren't you? They're like, yeah. Like, they're proud of it. They're proud. Yeah. And they do— they have like charm and magnetism, and they're, you know, suave with the ladies. But then they say all the right things, get the lady into the bed, and then she never hears from them again. It's like, how did you not know? And then, um, and then there goes that body count.

Yeah. And then what's interesting is if that guy takes all that skill, quote unquote, that he has, um, he can literally sell that to a lot of men on the market, and a lot of men will fork over a lot of money to learn what skills that man has. And people have done that. We call that, um, you know, back in the '80s and '90s, we had the pickup artist community. Yeah, that taught socially awkward men, like, here's the things to say and not to say, things to do, how to act, how to do, what to do with your hands. And you're— I mean, they For a lot of, uh, that world appeal— that world appealed to a lot of, uh, men on the autism spectrum because they had such a difficult time with social cues and so forth. So have somebody say, do this with your hands, do that with your feet, dress this way and stuff, they, they really like that. Um, so, you know, it's interesting, the most successful family man really has his life together, he will be very interested in learning what that guy over there who got with 200-some-odd women, what he has that family man doesn't have. I talk to those guys all the time. They stand up and take attention. They watch those YouTube videos and listen to those podcasts and so forth. So that points to, at a very visceral, almost like animalistic level, fuckboy, as you put it, he's almost like the winner. As horrible as that may sound to some people, that's the end goal for a lot of guys.

He's good looking. He's good looking. He's charming. He has a functional penis and the women are lining up.