A parent with custody struggles as their ex introduces a new boyfriend to the kids right after divorce. The speaker worries about the revolving door of partners and recommends setting a written boundary: wait at least a year before introductions. They stress documenting concerns even if the ex responds badly.
Chapters
I have custody of our two children, Rohan says. A week after our divorce was settled, she told me she's seeing someone. I got very anxious when my kids asked to go visit mom's friend. How can I better deal with it? Maybe, you know, here's the thing, dude, we both know that guy was in the picture before the divorce, right? I hope you're aware of that. Not that that matters at this point, right? But it helps paint a picture for what you're dealing with. Um, she's not thinking rationally. You don't bring a person like that around your kiddos. You have to know them for quite a while before you trust them and say, here's my kids, and guys, here's this guy who I, I know and I trust enough to introduce you very important children to. Um, it's— it says a lot to kids, and kids grow up to be adults later, and they'll roll their eyes and go, God, Mom or Dad. Um, there was just this revolving door of people coming in, boyfriend after boyfriend. I remember one guy she had, a boyfriend for 2 months, he was nice, and then he left, and then the next guy came in and What does that show? Mom is just this— or dad, again, or dad, it's not a gender thing— is irrational, doesn't think things through, doesn't value us as children enough to keep those people away, just keeps introducing us to people. It's all about, you know, making her feel better and trying to get affection and attention and validation from other people to help with what the kids think and to help what's good for the kids. Not good. So she's one of those people. Unfortunately. So you can state your case, and I recommend doing it in writing via text or email, saying, um, I don't agree with this. You, by the way, I wish you all the best, ex-wife. I really do. I hope you have loving relationships and you meet the next Mr. Right and all that other stuff. God bless you, more power to you. But it concerns me that you're so quickly introducing this person to our children. Frankly, you don't know him well enough. I don't know him well enough. Um, maybe after you guys have been together for a while and everything else, a year, give it a year, then introduce the kids. And I would like to meet them as well, just so I know who my kids are, you know, seeing on a regular basis. Um, put that in writing, but we both know how that's probably going to go. Probably a big old go fuck yourself from her, which is fine, but at least you got it out there, right?
