Why Her Libido Vanished After Kids (And What Men Get Wrong About It)

Okay, here recently, this young lady that you can see over here in this video clip went viral where she talked about, um, I guess you could say a mathematical formula that she has in her head and that needs to be achieved in order for her to get in sexy mode. Now, she is a young mother, and as a lot of men will attest to, um, number one, your life as a couple goes through chapters. Chapter 1, the honeymoon stage. This is when you are the most sexual, both of you, the most romantic, the most open, the most vulnerable, the most— all that good stuff, the things that get you hooked. And then when comfort and stability and safety and security set in, for many of us via marriage, we notice that some of that starts to dissipate. For some of us, it's like all of it goes away, unfortunately. But most of us say it's gone down a little bit. Those that are secure and those that have good role models for marriage and long-term relationships say This is just a natural, you know, progression in the relationship, and you have the tools in your toolbox to keep things fun and sexy, but you recognize it can never go back to the honeymoon stage. That's unrealistic. On top of all that is when you have children. That's when it really— it's when the fire is really smothered by the, the blanket of life and all the stress that comes with it. And that is what this young lady here is perfectly illustrating in in her viral video clip. Well, let's check it out, shall we?

Welcome to Mom Libido 101. Here's the basics of the formula: the amount she slept last night plus how much food she's eaten today sitting down times the amount of help her partner gave her divided by the annoying fucking comments minus the number of times she was touched by her children today. So let's run through an example, shall we? Let's say Mom got 8 hours slept last night. He ate 3 full meals. Her partner did pickup and bath time, but he was really fucking annoying twice. Then we have to subtract by the 1,000 times that she was touched today. Does anyone know what the answer is? Not a fucking chance.

First of all, the knee-jerk reaction from a lot of men watching this was, hey, exhibit number whatever for don't get married, look what you get yourself into. Or some men even said, wow, I'm glad I'm not this woman's spouse. What a nightmare. Why are men so taken aback by this? Why do men take this so negatively? This woman has basically admitted openly to the whole world that all of her romantic feelings are gone and out the window, that she is overwhelmed and anxious and overburdened by the stress of having a child, so much so that the idea of having physical relations with her husband is kaput, gone, zip, zero, nada. As she says there in the final screen, you see there, not a chance. If I were her, oh, marital mentor, if you will, I would tell her that this is not the greatest basis for the relationship. This is not a good way to frame the relationship. She is framing it as if husband is yet another nuisance on top of a pile of nuisances in her life. He's a stressor. He sounds like another child, doesn't he? That's not good. This is a message that has been propagated and put out there by a lot of content creators, mostly women, let's be honest, that men are a nuisance in the relationship. Now, she alludes to the fact that he needs to help more, which is something I hear from a lot of women, and I've done a lot of content on that where I say, ladies, I get it, you know, you want your partner to help out. God's sakes, he's an adult. Get to work on helping, you know, run the family machine and the household and all the other stuff. Just because he has a penis doesn't absolve him from doing any kind of domestic work in the house. But to say, like a lot of women do, that the chores thing or helping out around the house is a huge component to reigniting her libido is not necessarily the complete story. It is one little piece of the jigsaw puzzle of a jigsaw puzzle that has got like a million different pieces. This libido thing, especially post-children, is difficult to narrow down, to kind of put into an equation form like what she has here. It ain't that simple, young lady. Your man could do absolutely everything around the house. He could say, "Wife, you go take a nap. I got the kid." He could say, "I got every domestic chore there is to home. I will do anything and everything. And if there's something I can't do by virtue of work," the man may say, "he will hire it out. He will get help." By the way, if that sounds completely unrealistic, it is for most people. But that situation does exist. I talk to a lot of guys who take over everything in the home because the wife is so stressed, depressed, et cetera, et cetera. By looking at what she's saying here in the video and taking her little formula into account, does the man have any hope of turning this around and seeing a horn dog wife? In her current mental state, absolutely not. She is primarily mother. She's primarily stressed out mother. She is what we call the old mommy martyr. This does not discount the genuine actual stress that she is feeling as a mother. It is an extremely tough job. You have to be wired for it. You have to have the mental and emotional tools in your toolbox to endure it. And frankly, a lot of people, men and women alike, don't have the parent tools in their toolbox. But thank you, Mother Nature, we all think that we should procreate. It's not until we have a kid or 2 or 3 that we say, oh shit, I'm so stressed, I can't function anymore. And then the quality of life and things like your personal relationship with your spouse start to go downhill. And she is framing this relationship and her attitude towards the relationship to a point where the disintegration of said relationship and your romantic connection is inevitable. She needs to leave mental room for her spouse. She needs to leave emotional room for her spouse. And she is saying, there ain't no room for you, dude. Sorry, it's taken up by kids, it's taken up by stress, lack of sleep, lack of all these things. And the knee-jerk problem-fixing The solution to all this that a lot of men have, and just people in general have, is, okay, she needs to get more sleep, she needs to eat properly, and she needs to have time away from the kids. These things are all very, very important. Even with all of those things off the table, let's say the guy hires a team of individuals, he, you know, recruits his family members and everything else to come over and help as a team, which is what we have done for generations and generations. It does take a village to raise a kid. Even if he does all that, he still has to contend with the fact that this is wife 2.0, post-child. Her, uh, libido, her sex drive, is going to be somewhat, if not a great deal, diminished compared to what it used to be when they first connected in the honeymoon stage, and that energy that got that man in part hooked to her. This is something that we need to be very open, honest, and upfront about in long-term monogamous relationships. She should start this video with saying, by virtue of the fact that I married this guy, I went from a 10 on the libido down to a 7. And by virtue of the fact that I had a child, I went from a 7 to a 2. And now that it's at a 2, now I'm really, really stressed with lack of sleep, lack of food, etc., etc. And now it's a zero. That is a more realistic framing of the situation. And a lot of guys think that if you take care of all the stress that the woman is experiencing, it will go from a zero back to a 7 or 10 or whatever. And that's not the case. It will go from like a 0 back to a 2. It takes work on both parts, a little bit beyond just taking care of the chores and absolving wife of stress. It takes work on the man's part to become a more attractive spouse, a more attentive spouse, yes, a more romantic spouse, a more emotionally connected spouse. And it takes work on her part to open herself up to husband and recognizing that the romantic connection is still super super duper important. Otherwise, you become one in a long line of married partners who say, "Everything kind of fizzled after we had kids." And next thing you know, one or both of you is screwing somebody else or divorcing. It's not good. So guys, if you are in this situation, if I may suggest a book, it happens to be one that I wrote, and it's called The Dead Bedroom Fix. Check it out at deadbedroomfix.com. Gives you a blueprint for things that you can do as the man to help alleviate the situation. But with a caveat that it takes two, and a lot of this is on her.