Why Would Your Partner Not Want You... But Also Not Allow You to Go Get It Elsewhere?

Here, uh, William from Facebook asks, pretty deep question here: if your wife says she no longer wants to have sex with you ever again after 40 years of marriage— so we're painting a picture, older gal, right? Older. Um, and for— and after 40 years of marriage, 4-0, and 4 years of no sex, why would it upset her for you to have sex with someone else? I guess let's preface this by saying, guess what, William, it wouldn't necessarily, um, upset all women in that position. Believe it or not, there are people out there, and I've mentioned it before— let me adjust my microphone, this may be noisy— um, I have mentioned it before that, uh, there are people out there that live in an alternative type of lifestyle where it is known, especially in your case, William, that gal no longer has desire for, but she still values the relationship enough to say, dude, go get some on the side. Is what seems to be the common, um, trait in all these kind of relationships is the gal says, go get you some, but I don't want to hear about it. I don't want to see it. I don't want to know about it. Just go do it. Shut up. Whatever. And they don't talk about it ever again. And that can go on for years and years. That's not unheard of. And sometimes the genders are flipped, but I would say probably more often than not, ask marriage counselors and so forth that are probably more progressive in that, progressive in that way. They will say it's more along what you're talking about, William. But I would say that that's still the minority of people, and the majority of people would probably be in the same shoes that your wife is, presumably, and say, no, you're not gonna go get any elsewhere. Well, why not? Well, William, think about it, especially from the female point of view. Um, from the male point of view, infidelity is seen as a bad thing for a lot of, um, infidelity on the part of their partner, spouse, girlfriend is seen as a bad thing for a lot of kind of very visceral, animalistic reasons. Um, You know, the case can be made— it's kind of like an evolutionary psychology kind of thing, and there's no definitive science behind this other than looking at trends of people over generations and generations— is that, um, it could be this underlying theme for men of, I want to make sure that my, um, my children are mine. You know, that's a very animalistic thing. You know, in the wild, we see when a lion comes upon, you know, a female lion and her cubs and they're not his cubs, what does he do? He kills them. And then he impregnates her. And what's really weird is that often after killing the kids, the female becomes instantly in heat, in estrus, and they're able to procreate and make babies. Well, we don't operate that way as primates, as the human animal, but we still have that underlying thing where we want to know if these are our babies. So that seems to be the predominant thing of why we don't like infidelity from our partners. It's funny, when infidelity is discovered, the men and women tend to have different responses to it. The man says, did you do him? Did you do the full deed with him? And the woman always says, do you love her? And that ties in with what we're talking about here. Why would she not want— let me go back, sorry, I had some comments here. William, why would your spouse get angry at you going out and getting some? If she in fact doesn't want you in that way? Seems kind of selfish, doesn't it? It is selfish, but it's understandable in a way, because I think from the female point of view, she realizes— and she's not wrong, by the way— that William, if you go out and get some from somebody, um, let's paint a picture here. Let's say, William, you're a 60-year-old man, and, uh, wife gives you the blessing and says, go out, get some. And you go out in the bars, whatever, and you meet up with a 42-year-old divorcee, 18 years younger than, than you. And you guys really click and you hit it off. And you go back to her place and you get busy. And it was so good, both of you enjoyed it so much, you're like, let's schedule the next time. And you're like, next Friday, you know, my— I'm in an open relationship, technically that's what you are, with my, uh, with my wife, and she gives me a blessing that every Friday I can go out. The wife, or this girlfriend, let's call her, says, cool, so let's see each other every Friday. The more subsequent Fridays you put together with this new hot, sexy, younger thing that seems to really adore you, because you're just getting to know each other, and that's, you know, it's the old honeymoon phase as they call it. That new relationship energy really gets you going, both of you. And when you both get together and you're both feeling it, kaboom, the bomb goes off. You think you're going to want to leave that and come home to the wife who doesn't really want anything to do with you in that way? It's 8 o'clock at night and you're like, uh, I gotta go back. Oh well, another couple hours. Yeah, I'll just text my wife and let her know I got a flat tire or something, right? And then that happens more, again and again and again. In other words, you going out and attaching yourself in that way to a new mate greatly increases the chances of your wife losing you. Now, why would it hurt her to lose William? I don't know, probably you're still best buddies in the whole world. Probably you support each other in a lot of ways. Maybe, you know, getting older, children probably out of the house, but there's still the whole family unit that's very important to her and to you, presumably. So, but she knows naturally the more she lets you go, the more, the higher the chances are that you ain't coming back. Basically, that's basically it.