The author of The Dead Bedroom Fix argues that physical appearance and fitness matter for relationship success and attraction. When one partner improves their body, the other often sabotages the effort out of fear. Mismatches in physical appeal shorten relationships, and adopting a healthier lifestyle can shift your social circle in ways that create friction at home.
Chapters
I'll tell you, here's one thing going back to the looks thing. So the book I wrote that got so popular, The Dead Bedroom Fix, I devoted a chapter to getting in shape simply because I see so many men that are just like, eh, you know, who cares? Men don't need to work on their physicality and get in shape and dress nice and all that other stuff. Who cares? It's like, no, dude, that makes a difference in your luck and yes, within marriage and outside of it. How you present yourself is a lot. You know, you stand taller, you're more confident, people look at you twice. There's nothing wrong with it. That was, that was such a holy shit thing for so many men that they grabbed onto that chapter and they say, that chapter changed my life completely. Never before have I given any kind of emphasis to the physical anything in myself. It's like, really? I guess that's possible. I guess, you know, Hollywood and everything else, you would think that we'd latch on to the fact that, yeah, looks matter. But, but in these men's defense, how many times do— are they told by the women in their lives, we don't care about that kind of stuff, guys, you know?
Or— and also, are the husband and the wife or the boyfriend-girlfriend like getting fat together mutually? No, probably like a lot of couch time.
You're fat and you're absolutely—
you're comfortable in your relationship, which is normal in the beginning of a relationship. But you can't just keep gaining and gaining and gaining and gaining. Like, eventually you gotta, you know, get your shit together as a couple.
And we have, you know, whenever the guy attempts to do something that's really overtly in an attempt to look better, his fellow fluffy wife says, dude, no, we don't— you know, you're not going to the gym. No, no. It's like, why not?
Really?
Oh yeah, that's a very common thing. Sabotaging is what we call it. You know, when he says, wife, I'm gonna lose 50 pounds. The doctor says my blood pressure is too high. I'm tired of not fitting in my clothes. I'm going to the gym and I'm gonna eat right. And the men expect, or they hope, that their wife will say, yay, husband, let me join you, or I'm your biggest cheerleader, let's do this, yay, raw husband. But instead, more often than not, it's, I baked your favorite cake. Here's, you know, please don't leave me, you're abandoning me and the children when you go for 45 minutes to the gym or go for a walk or something like that, or That's so interesting.
And they're probably afraid of losing their partner, I would imagine, more than anything, right? You don't want their partner changing and improving.
And the women aren't alone in that. Men do the same thing. Wife wants to join an exercise class or whatever, he just starts, oh, here we go, you're going to leave me. And I think it's, we innately know that if there is a major disparity or mismatch in the attraction levels, which I know is a subjective thing, but we know pretty when we see it. We know good looking when we see it. When there's a major discrepancy there, disparity there, what's the right word? A mismatch. The relationships don't last long, as horrible as that is to say, but you know, when's the last time—
I mean, that makes sense. Someone's always gonna feel inferior if you're not like kind of an even match there.
And it's not just the, strictly looks, you know. It's not like I'm looking at it going, I'm a 7 out of 10, she's a 4, goodbye wife. But it's also that you are now part of a different group of people. Like if you go to the gym often, you're surrounding yourself with fellow healthy people who take those things, you know, seriously— their looks and their health. And they're talking about what to eat, and they're talking about supplements, and they're all wearing their, their tights and everything else. And then they come home to the wife who's, eh, I don't care about that stuff. It's not going to last long. And yeah, flip the genders, same damn thing. So, um, you know, back to the guys just not putting a lot of effort into the online dating thing. I hear it all the time. Why is that? Did the message not get out to men that the shallow is in fact important? Is it that they've never had to put in that effort before because they've been stuck in a relationship for 10, 15, 20 years and now they're divorced and on the market and they don't know the mating game as it is? They don't know that it's important to do those quote shallow things. I don't know.
I have a book on that.
It's called Dead Bedroom Fix. You can check out.
Oh, it does that?
Okay.
I have not read your book yet. Yes, I know. I have recommended your book though.
Oh, well, thank you.
Because I know it's good. I know I'm not really a reader. I'm more of a writer. But I do want to read your book, and I know that it's good because I see what everybody says about it.
I appreciate that.
Thank you. You're welcome.
Yeah, would love to get your feedback on it. Absolutely.
