04 - Are You Selfish?

Are you selfish? Who told you that? Who first accused you, convinced you that you were selfish? For most of us on the planet, we were considered selfish. If we wanted something, some adult didn't want to give it to us or.

Our friend or our sister, our brother.

Exactly. And our primitive brain created a shackle. It said, if you want, if you dream, if you ask for, if you're unsatisfied, if you have a craving for, if you have a passion for something that is more than what someone else thinks, you should have, should have, deserve, worthy of, earned, worked hard for that, you're being selfish. If you have something that you created and you're not in a place where it's a yes to share it, you're selfish. You're selfish. You just are. You're selfish. That's what selfish meant. And there's so much cultural shame around being selfish, right?

There really is. The truth is, wanting more is actually a powerful thing. If we didn't want more, we'd be still living in caves trying to chase off hyenas from whatever we could grab from them. Wanting more helps us move forward. I wanted a nicer house than the one I grew up in. I wanted to have more abundance. I wanted to travel. And I used that wanting to help me move forward. That doesn't mean it's okay to take it from somebody else, but it's a really delicious thing to want more. And a lot of times we've collapsed the two, we've collapsed it where wanting more is bad and we feel guilty. There's a guilt and a shame around wanting more abundance, wanting more money. So even just taking this course, you might be fighting the part of you that's saying, I shouldn't want more, I should be happy with what I have. I don't want to be selfish or greedy or one of them.

As we're talking about this, what's going on again, down in your gut, down in your pelvis, what does it feel like to be considered selfish by someone somewhere out there, or someone close to you, right next to you? If we define selfish in a way that ties it to really what it is to be a thriving human being. Creative, expressive, fantasizing, wanting, doing the things that are appropriate to bring that abundance into your life? If that's selfish, it's a self imposed shackle too. It says, look, I never want to be considered that. I don't want to be the person who is a bad person. So I'm not going to even go anywhere in that direction. And this is one of the things that Kathy and I do a lot of work with, the primitive brain. And the primitive brain looks at what's the trend? And here's what I mean by that. If me wanting more than my mother ever had is being selfish, if me wanting more than my co workers is selfish, even though I'm adding more and more value, I won't even take a step in that direction. And it gets even. I'll call it worse. It gets more insidious than that because you won't even be aware of the ideas that your primitive brain is suppressing.

Or the opportunities you're missing that you're.

Filtering completely out, because it would mean moving in just a step in the direction of being selfish or of being greedy or like you said, of being one of them.

Our primitive brain is very focused on belonging to the tribe. It evolved at a time when we didn't have options. We might have 30 people that were our tribe, and if they didn't like us or they abandoned us, we died. So being able to know that we fit in, we're not asking for too much from our tribe, that they all appreciated us and enjoyed us, that was crucial. And parents use shame and guilt around selfishness as a way to wrangle kids because it works so, so well. Our primitive brain goes, oh, I'm bad. I might be abandoned. I have to not be this anymore.

I have to not be this anymore. And it gets applied to a thousand things that are so confusing that we just stop, we freeze. We won't do anything that even has a whiff of what anyone, anyone that we know might consider selfish. And unfortunately, there are people that consider an awful lot selfish, because guess what? They were raised by a mother, a father, a grandmother, a grandfather that thought that anything that wasn't equitable, completely equitable, was selfish. That you were a bad person for even wanting more.

Or if your parents were completely exhausted or they were struggling with money, too. And you're asking, can I have that, that toy car? It probably.

Real car.

Yeah. It probably poked at the spot that was real sore. So they might have used that selfish term to shut you up so that you weren't rubbing on a sore spot of theirs.

Yeah. Let's do some tapping on that.

Yeah. Who's leading?

You are.

Nice deep breath.

Feel your feet on the ground, your butt in the chair.

This is really important to clear because until you feel comfortable asking, until there's an allowance for wanting more, you'll be fighting yourself and a lot of your energy will be turned on itself on you.

Say this. I am selfish. And what happens in your body? I get a sinking feeling in my gut.

Yeah, I'm bad. I'm wrong. I'm not a good person.

You've activated the shackle. You're looking at it. You're feeling it. You're aware of it. Now let's do some tapping.

Yeah. Karate chop. Even though I have been selfish, Even.

Though I have been selfish.

They've told me that many times.

They told me that many times, over and over, over and over.

Until I stopped trying to want things.

Until I stopped trying to want things.

Or at least I pretended not to want things.

Or at least I never let it show that I wanted things.

And I have this guilt and shame around it.

And I have this guilt and shame around it.

I felt selfish.

I felt selfish.

I felt wrong.

I felt wrong.

I wanted too much.

I wanted too much.

I was greedy.

I was greedy.

Just like those bad people.

Just like those bad people.

Maybe that was a way of controlling me.

Maybe that was a way of controlling me.

And now I'm an adult.

And now I'm an adult.

So I can get a lot of the things I wanted.

So I can get a lot of the things that I wanted.

What if it's okay to want again?

What if it's okay to want again?

Top of the head. It wasn't pleasant to want things back then.

It was not pleasant to want things back then.

Eyebrow. I'd ask and get yelled at.

I'd ask and I'd get yelled at.

Side of the eye. They felt like I was asking for too much.

They felt like I was asking for too much.

Under the eye. They told me I was selfish.

They told me I was selfish.

Under the nose. They didn't know a better way to talk to me.

They didn't know a better way to talk to me.

And I love that I can have more abundance now.

And I love that I can have more abundance now.

Kalarbon. I'm not limited to what my mom and dad can give me.

I'm not limited to what my mom and dad can give me.

Under the arm. I can create a lot of value in the world.

I can create more value in the world.

Top of the head. And bring in more abundance.

And bring in more abundance.

Eyebrow. What if it's not selfish to want to have more money?

What if it's not selfish to want to have more money?

Side of the eye. I want to have more energy to spend in the world.

I want to have more energy and love to spend in the world.

Under the eye. And money can make that easier.

And money can make that easier.

Under the nose. I do want more money.

I. I do want more money.

That's the truth.

That's the truth.

Kalibuna. Maybe that's not selfish at all.

And maybe that's not selfish at all under there.

Maybe that's super smart.

Maybe that's super smart and generous.

Top of the head. And I can celebrate my wanting.

Ooh. And I can celebrate my wanting. Maybe take a nice deep breath.

It may be your default reaction when you want something to go, oh, I shouldn't want that. Whether it's a new car or a nice dinner out or new clothes, whatever your default reaction may be, oh, I shouldn't want that. Oh, that's selfish. If you can notice that you're not limited now to your parents.

Right.

And that it's okay to want. We think wanting is bad often when we have this pattern. So the very act of wanting stirs up the shame and guilt. But the fact of wanting is actually a beautiful thing. It helps us move forward. It helps us expand our world, step out of our comfort zones.

And again, going back to that feeling like, if I want it, how am I going to get it? And our new paradigm is that you're adding value.

Yeah. You're not taking it from somebody.

Right.

You're not forcing them to give it to you.

You're offering, you're inviting. You're finding yes. Yeses. Between you and a company that hires you or you and clients who share from their source into your life. And so selfish. If I go into the energy of what I was feeling inside when I was called selfish, it was from a core place inside of me that wanted to experience something. And yes, for me. And yet every experience that we have as human beings on the planet has the potential to be a co creation. Me with the person who made the artistry ice cream that I'm going to be buying and sharing from my abundant source with. But again, selfish. Say it again. I am selfish.

I am selfish.

Does it still feel as icky? Yucky? I feel a shift in my body if you don't. And it's starting to get more intense. Here's what that can mean. It can mean that you've been suppressing this. It's a big shackle for you. And I would continue to tap eyebrow. They call me selfish.

They call me selfish.

That's not a good thing.

That's not a good thing.

Not in my family.

Not in my family.

Not in this world.

Not in this world.

Jen Oh, I don't want to be selfish.

Oh, I don't want to be selfish.

I don't want anything but to be considered selfish.

Anything but to be considered selfish.

And I don't want to be selfish in a negative, destructive way.

And I don't want to be selfish in a negative, destructive way.

Top of your head. Can I want things and be generous?

Can I want things and be generous?

Eyebrow. Can I want things and co create?

Can I want things and co create?

I bet I could.

I bet I could.

I can want to co create.

I can want to co create.

I can want. Yes. Yeses.

I can want. Yes. Yes.

No slavery here.

No slavery.

No shackles here.

No shackles here.

No thievery here.

No thievery here.

I want to have abundance.

I want to have abundance.

And I want you to have it, too.

And I want you to have it, too.

That's so selfish.

So selfish. Nice deep breath. That wanting that you feel is your being wanting new experiences of abundance. There's nothing wrong with it. It's an expression of who you are. And when you start having a new relationship to this stuff, when you start feeling that it's allowed and it's good, it makes it easier to create those experiences so your being can rejoice and. And know that there's nothing wrong if you're not getting it right now. Just the fact of wanting is sending a vibration out and it's helping it activate you. And you can ask yourself, what value can I create so I can have that experience? Because it's really wonderful when we add value to the world. Over the generations and centuries, the millennia, humans have added new and more technology and ability and knowledge to our, you know, people sometimes bash it or whatever, but we really have created a world of ease and abundance for ourselves by adding some value to the world. And each of us add our bits of it to the ocean, and there's a really big ocean to draw from. What can you add? What can you. How can you make the world a better place so that you can experience joy and whatever it is you're reaching for?

I think of, like two people who have a desire to have more money, and there's a person that's doing it because of status they want to have the power over? And I think about the person that not only just wants to have a nice big set of spoons for themselves, but that they can share that, that they can use their assets, what they are developing inside of themselves as a professional in whatever field, and to be able to expand Choice, expand expression, create more room and time and space and safety and respect. I respect people who use a spoon. It's not the size of their spoon or whether it's jewel encrusted that matters. My tribe are people who use tools. Emotional tools, technological tools, artistic tools, tools of the heart, tools of the muscle. If you're that person who wants to do that, at the core, there's an activation. And that activation is the same that I saw in my children when they were three and they wanted things. They wanted to tie their own shoes even though we didn't have time. I did not say, oh, you're being selfish, but I've worked and tapped with people that when they wanted something that they were told that they were selfish. This is a big deal for most people who don't want to be a bad person and viewed as a bad person, continue to tap on it. They called me selfish.

They called me selfish.

He called me selfish.

He called me selfish.

Mommy called me selfish.

Mommy called me selfish.

Daddy said I was selfish.

Daddy said I was selfish.

And that wasn't good with daddy.

And that wasn't good with daddy.

That was not good with him.

That was not good with him.

That was not a good thing.

That was not a good thing.

And I still feel it in my body.

And I still feel it in my body.

My body learned the lesson.

My body learned the lesson.

It's time for a new lesson.

It's time for a new lesson.

It's time for some new lessons.

It's time for some new lessons.

I want to be artistic with my energy.

I want to be artistic with my energy.

Express myself.

Express myself.

That is so selfish.

That's so selfish.

And that is going to make the world a better place.

And that is going to make the world a better place.

That is so selfish.

So selfish.

I'll have more love and abundance to share.

I'll have more love and abundance to share.

I am such a generously selfish person.

I am such a generously selfish person.

I don't know what I'm going to do with myself.

I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. That is true. As we want more and as we get our needs met, so wanting is often attached to some experience we want to have or some need we want to fulfill. When we allow ourselves to know what we want or need and we do things to get those needs and wants filled, our tank gets full. And when our tanks full, we have a lot more to give other people. When we're running around depleted because we don't think we deserve to have wants and needs met. We don't have things to give to our family or friends. That's when we snap at our kids or our co workers. So realize that wanting is beautiful and keep tapping on that so you know your wanting is great. If you haven't got it fulfilled yet, that doesn't mean there's anything wrong, but that wanting is your guidepost to what you want to create in the world. So rejoice in it and keep doing this great work so you can allow a lot of abundance in your life.