Express Your Heartistry

Express your hardistry. It's a real skills workshop. And what in the world do we mean by hardistry? For me, hardistry is an expansive version of artistry. Because when I think artistry, I think, oh, the things that artists do. When I think artistry, I think things that humans do when they're connected to things that matter to them. When and if you feel like you have something inside of you that really, you really want to share but you're not, we feel like this is the right place to be. Because hardistry is about expressing what matters to you and finding a way that feels true and authentic and doable and enough of a baby step that you feel safe in doing it right now. And sometimes just clearing a block or boosting your energy a bit is what makes that a lot easier and more fun. And I'm here tonight with my co creator, Kathy Vartuli from the Intimacy Dojo and Thriving Now. I'm Rick from Thriving now and we're going to be running, facilitating this workshop. And Kathy, what does hardest dream mean in your life? As we've been exploring this.

I think there's, there's, there's an art to it, like heart, Heart, like you said. But, like, for me, one of the things you taught me early on was we can wash dishes. It can be meditative and contemplative, and we can, like, enjoy the bubbles and the fact we're creating clean dishes for ourselves or for someone else. Like the feeling the warm water, enjoying our time with ourselves. That feels like a very different experience than someone who's just, like, scrubbing the sponge across the. The dish and, like, hurrying up and trying to rush through. And I've seen that too. Like, when someone is cooking, like, there's something they add where they're just like, love in their hands and the thoughtfulness and attentiveness. And you can, like, the food feels different, the same ingredients, same, like, time. But there's a certain intention and thoughtfulness and caring that goes into it. And I think that I want to live in a world where there's more of that. And there's certainly times where it's like, oh, just take the trash out or clean the baby's diapers. And we're not going to worry about being meditative and thoughtful, loving at this. You know, like, we can still be caring and kind, but we're not really putting so much into it. But I think when we have the awareness and the ability and we've cleared some blocks, that might be stopping us from Being that present and aware, there's a lot more opportunities to experience life much more richly if I can, if I can do something like as simple as washing a dish and make it a loving experience for myself, a nurturing experience for myself. All of a sudden the world opens up where I don't have to just wait until my best friend is in and we can go to this lovely, you know, you know, lovely dinner for me to have this really experience, this renewing experience, if that makes sense. I can kind of create it in the moments as I go. And one of the things we've been talking all along in this three month section is like, what do you want to bring to that? Like, what do you want to bring to your, to your world? So if you have a word mixes eagerness, mine is courage. What is it that you want to bring? You could weave that in. And it may seem silly to watch wash dishes eagerly or with courage, but I think it takes courage for me is like, oh, it's much easier to go into the routine, go into the rut, just get the thing done. It takes courage to face the feelings I might feel. If I'm feeling particularly sad or I'm having a day where I'm feeling really frustrated being quiet and present with the dishes, I might suddenly feel those feelings, they might come up and it's much easier to rush and kind of distract myself versus like, oh, wow, I didn't like that interaction with that person today. And I'm feeling some of this. And it does take courage to like, can I take a breath? Can I still appreciate the bubbles and the warmth and the fact that I'm creating this clean dish and also give myself room to feel all that I'm feeling, to kind of be with me as I am and the situation as it is, which may not always be delightful. So I think there's ways we can weave in so much and we can take things to such a nice depth that gives our lives, like, I don't know, there's quiet moments that I remember that I still, from when I was a little kid that were really precious to me. And they weren't necessarily the fireworks and the, you know, winning a first prize or something. It was like sitting under a tree and watching the leaves go and seeing the shadows from the sunlight, like those quiet moments. And I think when we can create those, it gives us a feeling, feeling of control in our world. Like I can create, I can create the kind of life I want to live even with the quiet moments. Don't know if that resonates with you or not, but that's. That's how I think of it, is living life with hardestry.

Thank you. I resonate with that. And one of the things that comes to me is that as when. When emotional. I've noticed that the more that I am aware of the emotional skills that I want to bring and the emotional qualities that I want to bring into my world, that there's a richness to it which is very different from the human doing so. Like, oh, I do this and I do this. What do you do for a living? Like, that's asking, what. What's your work? What's your doing? And that's pretty normal, pretty standard to look at our lives in that way and to notice emotional distresses and pains and suffering, anxieties and worries and things. But what about all of these qualities that you also demonstrate in your work, like persistence or flexibility and spontaneity? Like, to me, I can be very, like, persistent in. And I can activate that in me. I can be very competent. That's sort of an energy space. It's not really about what I'm doing. There's a kind of like, I'm competent. I'm competent at learning something that I don't know or at least competent to communicate. Hey, this is not my skill set. So, like. And I can be generous. I can be generous as I clean the dishes. I can be generous with my attention to my daughter. I can be generous in how I reply to someone. And if I'm noticing and aware that generosity is one of my. My hardest trees. And I like it in the same way that someone who has a skill of. Of playing an instrument or using a particular artist's tool. You know, I'm. I'm blessed to know a lot of people that are artists by their own identity. They call themselves artists and. Or musicians. They call themselves that. That's something that lives as an identity for them. I've been moving and I think this be what matters. The idea is that you move more of your emotional qualities into your identity so that you have access to them and that you can bring them forth and you can apply them in your life. And the extraordinary thing that that goes to, I think the energy of who we are as human beings is. I've noticed as people have moved more into their hardest tree, that the influence that they have on the spaces and people that they touch change, they start having synchronicities, they start having. And this is, you know, we have this doing layer. We have this emotional layer. And we have a spiritual layer to the intelligence that lights us up with each other. And that, you know, to me, is one of the huge benefits from a very spiritual, practical basis is that if I. I enjoy being encouraging or generous or appreciating, and I notice other people that start to resonate with that I'm crafting my emotional world, and that emotional world is what helps us to be thriving. There is survival. I mean, we are. We are wired for survival. It's a good thing to survive. I've done it for quite a few decades now. But our work is around thriving and emotional freedom, and that's why we go into something like artistry. Even having that in your mind and heart and body, like, ooh, what does that mean to me? What would it feel like to express something that is me?

I think that's really. I love the concept, and I just invite each of you to kind of think about what kind of world do you want to craft? What do you want to. I value kindness, for example, and there's times at work where I'm really tired, and I'm just like, oh, this person's a pain in my butt. And then I'll remember that. Oh, you know, I want to craft a world where there's kindness and I don't know what this person's going through. I have no idea. You know, we all have our own internal battles, and very few of us know what other people are battling. So, like, I try to weave in the kindness, even though part of me is just like, oh, I want to say bad words to this person and tell them never to talk to me again. I'll say, you know, I hope this. I hope this helps you and you have a great weekend. And I want it to be authentic. I don't want it to be like, if I have something that. An issue that I need to address with that person, I can do that. But within those bounds, there's often a little bit of wiggle room. Like, it's not authentic to wish them a nice weekend or to hope that they get a good rest tonight until it isn't. And when it isn't, then I need to talk to that person or do some tapping to clear things. But I do invite you to, like, what are some things that you want to craft into your world, and what kind of world do you want to live in? And we invite you to share in the chat, if you like, because that anchors it. The more we share with other people what we value, even though that can be kind of scary, it's really vulnerable sometimes to share that. Hey, I value kindness and generosity and being authentic and vulnerable because some people are not going to necessarily be nice about it. But when we share it in a safe group like this, it helps anchor it in our world. And I do think the universe responds to that too. We subconsciously respond to that. And I think other people around us will notice that. So if you notice Rick and generous, if you feel like sharing in the chat, like what is it that you want to create and craft into your world more? Like if you have. What colors do you want to use in your artistry painting? Like, what do you want to weave into your. Into your world? We have peace, understanding, listening without judgment. Oh, I could do that better. Accepting, patience. Those are beautiful. And we all use those colors a little differently. Like I think it's just really lovely to, to. To strengthen that for each other. Appreciation, calm confidence, time for each other. Loving kindness, gratitude. Wow, we have a really awesome group, don't we? Those are pretty awesome colors.

Conditional love.

Yes. Yeah.

And so already to me, you're expressing Hardestry. Each person that shared or and also each person who took those in and tried them on to me is. Is doing something that I call Hardestry. You showed up. You're co creating this space. Kathy and I are facilitators and this matters, this work matters to us. And your participation, your offering what comes to you and through you that matters. You'll notice that we. We spoke these things into the circle expressing our hardest tree. From a. From a. I would love it if the world would recalibrate to Hardestry is when a person is ex. Is expressing something that matters to them. That simple. Whether it gets a claim or not, whether it gets money or not, whether that artistry is that essential human quality of thriving, which is this matters to me and I'm expressing it. If I express it in the solitude of my home, in my peacefulness, if I walk a little bit more peaceful on the streets of my big city, if I show a bit more courage inside of me in my emotional expression, even if. No. Even if other people don't realize it, you know, it's for those of us that are super uber sensitive. It's fascinating to me that I can pick up courage even if it looks like red faced shyness. So like the person who shows up at an event who is you can. I can feel that there was courage and clarity, for example, that are part of them showing up that influences me and doesn't matter. Maybe other people are not attuned to that but things that have been shared here, every single one of these is dear to me. Some of them I. I hold more in my core and in my identity than others. And when we're. When we become conscious of that and we tuned. Oh, okay. I'm expressing my hardest tree here. Who else am I notice is. Is expressing their hardest tree right now? Oh, clarity, gratitude. Yeah, they were.

I think it's. It's kind of. It's. It's hard to. To point out how you can tell other people are in that space. It's one of those intangible things where you can just kind of feel. Feel it. To me, it's a little more awareness, a little more intentionality, a little more, like, there's a little more energy in a really positive, loving way that's there. And I think that when we start tuning in and looking how, you know, do I think this person is. No. Do I think this person is. Maybe not. But not doing it so well. Wow, that person's really doing it. It can help us tune into that a little bit better. And I don't know about you, but, like, I'm always looking. I want. I don't want your loving kindness. It may not be about you at all. It could be something that happened when they're younger and they haven't found tapping or they haven't cleared that. And there's still a fear on that. I noticed when we were tapping on this for me, and I'd like, love to lead a tapping if it's okay. What if they take advantage of me? If I'm loving and kind, are they gonna expect it all the time? And are people gonna try to take advantage of that? So is it okay if we do a little tapping on that?

Yeah. And that's the skill of staying in your. Yes. Right?

Yeah.

And that's a challenge, and it's a skill. It's one that we're going to practice imperfectly as we go forward.

I invite you to take a nice, deep breath. I really value loving kindness.

I really do value loving kindness.

And I want to be generous.

And I want to be generous.

But what if they expect that all the time?

What if they expect it all the time?

What if they start taking advantage of me?

What if they start taking advantage of me?

They might even take me for granted.

They might even take me for granted.

And I don't always have to say yes.

Good news is I don't always have to say yes.

Even though part of me thinks being loving, kind, and generous is always saying yes.

Even Though part of me thinks that being loving, kind and generous means always saying yes.

What if I can be loving, kind and generous to myself, too?

What if I can be loving, kind and generous to myself too?

Which means I get to say no.

Which means I get to say no.

Top of the head. Some people may not understand what I'm.

Doing Some people definitely will not understand what I'm doing.

Eyebrows. Some of them might take me for granted.

Some might take me for granted.

Side of the eyes. Some might try to take advantage Some.

Might take advantage, Try to take advantage.

Under the eye. Under the eye. And sometimes they might get away with it.

And sometimes they might get away with.

It under the nose. And I can be with my body and my yes.

And I can be with my body and my yes.

I can ask the universe to take care of the excess that I give.

I can take care ask the universe to take care of the excess that I give.

Collarbone. To direct it to the right place.

To direct it to the right place under the arm.

And I may not always get it right.

And I may not always get it right.

Top of the head. But I can practice my boundaries along with my loving kindness.

And I can practice boundaries along with loving kindness.

Take a nice deep breath. And it may be like one of my thoughts is it's going to take effort, but it's a good muscle to build. It's a muscle that I think it's really useful for us to be in our moment. Like, I have taught some of my friends that if they ask me a question, I will just hold up a finger and take a breath. Because in cuddle parties, one of the things we teach is if a hesitation means no, someone hesitates. They're probably having trouble saying no, But I indicate I need to think about it for a minute. So not to take that as a hesitation. And I take a breath and I just feel into my body and then, oh, okay, yeah, I'd really like to do that, or I'd like to do it with this modification or I don't want to do this. And while it took extra effort to teach my friends, this is how I act. And it took effort to stand up. You know, I, you know what, I know I said yes, but I'm really, I just, that was the knee jerk reaction. I really don't want to do this or I want to do this in a different way. There's effort involved. But I was building a muscle that is really useful over time to have. So, you know, if part of you is like, oh, it's going to be so much work. Baby steps. And you might be surprised at how quickly that muscle builds. So you can. Your friends. I'll go, oh, she's holding up her finger. I can wait and see. Now I'm going to trust her answer to me. She's really thinking about it.

So there's one person offered. I want to be accepting. And the yes, but is. But I don't want to reveal my tender spots too quickly.

Ouch. Yeah.

Okay. So part of our work is, oh, those are connected. And noticing, oh, part of me is connecting, being accepting and revealing myself. Is that. Does that have to be true now and again? Like, this is a workshop. Thank you for offering that. Because it's vulnerable to offer something like that to a group. For me, as someone who used to think that if I'm. If I accept someone, it means that I have to start, like, getting emotionally and and intellectually naked with them. Right. And that can be like, whoa, no, wait a second. No, I do. They have to be connected. And this is where there's that. Where tapping can help. Side of the hand. Even though a part of me connects being accepting, Even though part of me.

Accepts being accepting.

With me revealing myself too quickly.

With me revealing myself too quickly.

Have I done that?

Have I done that?

I think I've done that.

I think I've done that.

But maybe they're not always connected.

Maybe they're not always connected.

Top of head. Can I be accepting without revealing anything?

Can I be accepting without revealing anything?

Except for my energy of acceptance.

Except for my energy of acceptance, I can be accepting. I could be accepting under the eye.

And just radiate acceptance.

And just radiate acceptance.

Can I be calm and confident with that?

Can I be calm and confident with that?

Just being accepting, Just being accepting alone. I'm letting go of the pressure to reveal myself when I'm accepting.

I'm letting go of the pressure to reveal myself when I'm being accepting.

Revealing myself is a hardest tree.

Revealing myself is a hardest tree.

I can go at a pace that's right for me.

I can go at a pace that's right for me.

And sometimes it's like, I'd like to go at a pace that's right for me.

I'd like to go at a pace that's right for me.

Tend to be a little quick.

Tend to be a little quick.

And I accept myself.

And I accept myself.

Yeah. So coming back to acceptance.

Yeah, I think. Well, I think it would also like I'm making up a story on how this person meant it. And you're welcome to update. But like, sometimes someone will say, oh, I did this. Really? I feel so embarrassed because I did this awkward thing. And I'll be like, oh, me too. You shouldn't feel too bad. Like, it's. I want to offer them, like, I was embarrassed. I embarrassed myself too. So they don't feel alone. Like, there's a urge to rush in and comfort them, to let them to reveal myself so that they feel like, oh, this person gets me. And I think there's an intention of kindness towards this other person. And I think it's important to remember that we also get to be kind to ourselves. We get to balance that. Like, am I revealing more than I want to? And I think it's also useful to know that most people over reveal at times. It's called an emotional hangover. I've done it. I don't think I've ever met anyone who hasn't at least once or twice, like, wow, I shared a lot. It doesn't necessarily mean that you reveal too much. It just means your system is feeling a little off kilter because you shared a lot. So just like if you drank too much, you'd have a hangover emotionally. Like, oh, I shared more than I usually do and I'm feeling a little weird. Can I just sit with this and notice? I just feel a little odd? Or is there some guidance in this? Like, just because something's uncomfortable doesn't mean it's necessarily bad for us. It could just be new or something. You know, we went to a step we didn't normally go to. And I think it's really great if we can just be with ourselves and go, huh, was that a body? No. Did I go past my body knowing my boundaries or did I just stretch myself and slow like my body's. Like if I ran further than I normally do, I might feel some aches and pains. That doesn't necessarily mean that it was a body. No, it just means my body's like, wow, that was a lot. Okay, I need to recover. So I think that being aware that that distinction. Just because we don't feel comfortable doesn't mean it's bad. There's a difference between body no and uncomfortable.

An add on to that was it's from a desire to bond yet remain comfortable in my skin. Having that self awareness is so helpful because you can be like, you know, even though I have this desire to bond, I want to stay and remain comfortable in my own skin. Yeah, I wonder how that, how it would be if I stayed with the bond of acceptance.

I wonder how it would feel if I stayed with the bond of acceptance.

Do I need to reveal more than that?

Do I need to reveal more than that?

Am I feeling a little desperate for bonding?

Am I feeling a little desperate for bonding?

It's okay for me to pause with deeper acceptance?

It's okay for me to pause with deeper acceptance.

With the feeling of accepting.

With the feeling of accepting.

That's a good feeling.

That's a good feeling.

Bonding is a good feeling.

Bonding is a good feeling.

Accepting is a good feeling.

Accepting is a good feeling.

Right? I can savor the acceptance.

I can savor the acceptance.

I'd like to savor the acceptance.

I'd like to savor the acceptance.

We can get to bonding when the time is right.

We can get to bonding when the time is right. I think all of us have been too. We've been hungry for connection. Maybe we were feeling particularly lonely or vulnerable that day and the balance might have felt off. I'm willing to risk this vulnerability because I am so I'm hungry for that connection versus, oh, can I just accept that I feel a little lonely today? Can I accept myself to where I am? And again, there's no, like, someone was talking about being perfect and getting everything just right. It's like, I don't think we ever get things just right. I had this ideal for years that I would like if I just worked hard enough on myself one day that I would wake up and I wouldn't be afraid of things. I wouldn't need to tap anymore. I would be like, you know, all better, quote, unquote. And I think maybe I do this all wrong. But it hasn't happened. I get over things more quickly often, I think, and yet there's still a lot there. And I think we get to be humans, which means we're, I imagine, people that are here. We're curious people. We're not always just doing the routine and deciding that what we have is the right way to do it. We're like, oh, what else is out there? So we're stepping out of our comfort zones, which means we're going to stumble. Like, when we're outside our comfort zones, we don't know what things, you know, we don't have a flow of pattern. Our neurons are like, what's happening? Why is this going this way? And we're a little more awkward. So I would imagine for us curious people that want to live in our hardest tree and be trying to, like, expand ourselves and make ourselves like, I don't know, different. When we're curious about things, it's never going to feel like, oh, I've got this all handled.

That's the doing part of it, you know, and the accepting, it's like, oh, what if I accepted the way things.

Are what if I accepted that things are the way I am, the way.

I am the way they are the way they are. And blended in something else.

And blended in something else.

Added another emotional color.

What if I added another emotional color.

So someone mentioned time for each other. That is such a thriving quality quality time. It's one of the love languages and the. Yes, but is, oh, there's so much pressure. We have to do the chores, we have to do this, we have to make money, we have to, you know, there's a pressure of have to's. So that doesn't those. All those have to's. Yeah. Right. Like I had to make dinner tonight. Right. Like my job now if I stay in that have to. I'm, I'm a good worker, I'm good survivor, I'm a good provider. There's a sort of like baseline root, root chakra kind of like I can handle the pressure, I can get the things done and. But if that's, if that's really my come from, that's. That to me is not the same as artistry. Artistry would be like, you know, I'm feeling like time for each other. How about time with each other? What about co creation? So like tonight I said to Adira, you want to make rice with Dada? Now this could be quite the cleanup job, but we sat on the kitchen floor with this big five pound bag of rice and I put the little cup inside of the rice maker bowl and, and we did it together. It was time with each other and, and she helped with a bunch of it. But when mom got home, she's the one who pointed to the rice. Me, Dada.

Oh.

Now I did need to get us fed there if I was. And I honestly, transparently, I've had a headache all day. The weather and, and other things. So I could have just dropped into survival mode and done just fine and been like, oh, I got it done. But connection and co creation and generosity and, and connection. I said connection twice. That's how important it is in my heart history. And now that's a moment. It's a moment that I've shared with you. How I took something that's a have to where there was a pressure to get us fed. We were both Getting kind of hangry and I turned it into to a different experience.

Beautiful.

Not always. I don't always have the energy for it. But guess what, you do it once and maybe you share it with a few dozen of your closest community and you're doing it to it reinforces like this is what matters to me and this is one of the ways that I'm helping it fit in because I get to collect all these little ideas in ways that you all have been fitting things in. Like what is wise fearlessness. You know when you, when you pull a group together to do art together. You know when you share what something that you, you drew with a crayon or words that matter to you or a thought or dream.

I just, yeah, I was just thinking like if you had been someone was sharing about pressure to do it all, get the chores done, the cooking, the cleaning to earn money, all that pressure to get it right and do it well. And just I was thinking about like if you, if you had been in that moment of like pressure of I've got to feed the people by a certain time that like there was a lot of shoulds around it, you wouldn't have taken that moment to be with it. Like be with Adira in that way and you wouldn't have created that moment that she was so proud of. And please don't take this the person that should. I'm not saying you're wrong. Like a lot of us get caught. I get caught up in that often. But if I can, I can have some goals and intentions. But if I can be in the moment kind of being with the experience, the energy of the moment, there's a lot of opportunities that might, that might come up. I called Rick earlier today. We were prepping for this call and Adira didn't want. She said she was going to talk to me and he couldn't talk to me. I was so flattered. They're fighting over me and 2 year olds are very blunt. When she's done talking, she just hangs up on me. I'm like okay. But at one point she was like, she could tell she just loves her dada. And she was like telling me mama Dada. I'm not really sure what all the story but there was driving involved and her brother and at one point Rick reached over and just the way he just like kind of smoothed her hair. It was so loving and sweet and I just like felt tears like this. These two people love each other so much and I think that deep love comes not from having dinner on the table and the bed made and the, you know, everything squared up and put away in exactly the right place. But those moments like cooking the rice together or the moments where he was teasing her that I was his friend too and she was giggling and like, no, that she was going to just. She was going to talk to me. But those, those silly offbeat moments, those moments where we're not focused on making it look a certain way, we're with the being of it. And I'd love to do a little tapping on the pressure to do things right and get it all squared away because I think a lot of us feel that and there's a pressure from society we've divided.

Shoulds take me right out of my hardestry. So that fits. Expressing our hardest tree, including what takes us out of it.

Yeah. I invite you to take a deep breath if you want to. And even if you don't feel like this applies to you, I invite you to tap along because sometimes we have little pockets of it hidden away. So karate chop. Even though there's all this pressure to get it right.

Even though there's all this pressure to get it right, I.

Have to have the forks and spoons sorted correctly in the drawers.

I have to. I definitely do have to have the forks and spoons sorted correctly. Provider. There's a sort of like baseline root, root chakra kind of like I can handle the pressure, I can get the things done and. But if that's, if that's really my come from, that to me is not the same as artistry. Artistry would be like, you know, I'm feeling like time for each other. How about time with each other? What about co creation? So like tonight I said to Adira, you want to make rice with Dada? Now this could be quite the cleanup job, but we sat on the kitchen floor with this big five pound bag of rice and I put the little cupboard inside of the rice maker bowl and. And we did it together. It was time with each other and. And she helped with a bunch of it. But when mom got home, she's the one who pointed to the rice. Me, Dada.

Oh.

Now I did need to get us fed there if I was. And I honestly, transparently, I've had a headache all day. The weather and. And other things. So I could have just dropped into survival mode and done just fine and been like, oh, I got it done. But connection and co creation and generosity and. And connection. I said connection twice. That's how important it is in my heart history. And now that's A moment, it's a moment that I've shared with you. How I took something that's a have to where there was a pressure to get us fed. We were both getting kind of hangry and I turned it into, to a different experience.

Beautiful.

Not always. I don't always have the energy for it. But guess what, you do it once and maybe you share it with a few dozen of your closest community and you're doing it to it reinforces like this is what matters to me and this is one of the ways that I'm helping it fit in because I get to collect all these little ideas in ways that you all have been fitting things in. Like what is wise fearlessness. You know when you, when you pull a group together to, to do art together. You know when you share what something that you, you drew with a crayon or words that matter to you or a thought or dream.

I just, yeah, I was just thinking like if you had been someone was sharing about pressure to do it all, get the chores done, the cooking, the cleaning, to earn money, all that pressure and to get it right and do it well. And just I was thinking about like if you, if you had been in that moment of like pressure of I've got to feed the people by a certain time that like there was a lot of shoulds around it, you wouldn't have taken that moment to be with it. Like be with Adira in that way and you wouldn't have created that moment that she was so proud of. And please don't take this the person that shared. I'm not saying you're wrong. Like a lot of us get caught. I get caught up in that often. But if I can, I can have some goals and intentions but if I can be in the moment kind of being with the experience, the energy of the moment, there's a lot of opportunities that might, that might come up. I called Rick earlier today. We were prepping for this call and Adira didn't want. She said she was going to talk to me and he couldn't talk to me. I was so flattered. They're fighting over me and 2 year olds are very blunt. When she's done talking she just hangs up on me. I'm like okay. But at one point she was like, she could tell she just loves her dada. And she was like telling me mama Dada. I'm not really sure what all the story but there was driving involved and her brother and at one point Rick reached over and just the way he just like kind of smoothed her hair. It was so loving and sweet. And I just, like, felt tears like this. These two people love each other so much. And I think that deep love comes not from having dinner on the table and the bed made and everything squared up and put away in exactly the right place, but those moments like cooking the rice together or the moments where he was teasing her that I was his friend too and she was giggling and like, no, that she was going to talk to me. But those. Those silly, offbeat moments, those moments where we're not focused on making it look a certain way, we're with the being of it. And I'd love to do a little tapping on the pressure to do things right and get it all squared away, because I think a lot of us feel that. And there's a pressure from society.

Shoulds take me right out of my hardesty. So that fits. Expressing our hardest tree, including what takes us out of it.

Yeah. Invite you to take a deep breath if you want to. And even if you don't feel like this applies to you, I invite you to tap along because sometimes we have little pockets of it hidden away. So karate chop. Even though there's all this pressure to get it right.

Even though there's all this pressure to get it right, I.

Have to have the forks and spoons sorted correctly in the drawers.

I definitely do have to have the forks and spoons sorted correctly in the drawers.

All my socks have to match.

All my socks have to match.

Everything has to be dusted.

No, that's not. That's not a shit for.

But some people may have that.

And some people even are shitting on themselves about their dusting and having to earn money. That's definitely a have to.

Yeah. Get everything lined up just right.

Get everything lined up just right.

What if I gave myself a 10% dispensation?

What if I gave myself a 10% dispensation? Huh?

Over the head. What if 10% of the time I could be with the being of this.

What if 10% of the time I could be with the being of this eyebrow?

Experience the getting it done.

Experience the getting it done with curiosity. With curiosity.

Under the eye. How could I experience this differently?

That's a good question. How could I experience this differently under the nose?

What if I intended it for my future self?

What if I intended it for my future self?

Chin. And did it with love?

And did it with love.

Color bone. What if I brought in my younger selves?

What if I brought in my younger.

Selves under the arm and did this.

With play and did this with their kind of play.

Top of the head. It's too much to give.

Never got to do. Yeah, top of the head.

It's too much to give up all the shoulds right now.

It's too much to give up all the shoulds right now.

But I might be able to do 10%.

I might be able to do 10%.

Just take a breath and see how that feels to me. That just feels lighter because I can get really caught up in the to do lists and I want my computer to be clean and my email caught up and my desk clean and the plants all watered and it's like I just, I can really overwhelm myself. But what if I can water the plants with appreciation for the joy and the, the color they bring to my home? What if I can tidy my desk with appreciation like, oh, I'm cleaning this so my future self can come and sit down and like have everything organized. Just think it brings in a little, a little room for enjoyment or for a different energy.

You make up a, you bring in some really powerful perspectives here that I want to amplify for a moment and then we'll, we'll take a quick break expressing our hardesty. If I want to be generous, but I'm afraid of rejection or people taking advantage of me, there's an energetic skill of, well, how could I be generous in a way that doesn't require anyone else's cooperation? So if I can be generous with my future self, like, you know, Rick might be really tired in the morning. Maybe I'll just take care of this pan, you know, the rice pan with the burnt on rice. And I'll do that before I go to bed so that when he wakes.

Up in the morning.

Just, it's a clean. He can just go straight for coffee, you know. And to me, that is being generous with my future self. If I say, hey, you know, I'm, I know money's tight right now, but I'd like to buy, I'd like to save for a sushi dinner for my future self and for, for Father's Day, right? Or for some event and you put away $5 toward it, you're being generous financially within your means for your future self. It doesn't require anyone else to be happy about it other than you. Kindness. This, this practice is hard for people because a lot of us who had trauma in childhood and didn't have that kind of developed self bond, there's almost as have to. I must, I'm desperate to get the kind of connection like I'm kind and you're kind back to me I am agreeable and you're agreeable back to me I am generous and you're generous back to me that bless us all that's a trauma pattern and a little tiny steps where you develop just five ways that you could be eager in a way that benefits yourself if like for me like I could be eager for this and I can be eager for this kind of connection like I'm kind and you're kind back to me I am agreeable to be eager for the softness of my pillow tonight. I can be eager and you're agreeable back to me I am generous and you're generous back to me that bless us all. That's a trauma pattern and a little tiny steps where you develop just five ways that you could be eager in a way that benefit to get to be with people that share values and and want to explore this type of goofy things like hardistry together and move it fits yourself. If like for me like I could be eager for this and I can be eager for this I could be eager for the soft softness of my pillow tonight I can be eager to get to be with people that share values and and want to explore this type of goofy things like hardistry together and move it forward in the world. When we when we make sure that our menu for each of the things that matter to us that are part of our hardest tree have things that don't require a we space other than with yourself, your future self, your past self that is so freeing Emotional freedom says you know I want to be generous but I'm feeling kind of pissy at everybody in my life but I can't be generous forward in the world when we when we make sure that our men's with myself right now you know I'm going to go for a walk and give myself the generous generosity of space and recalibration does this My hope is that this invites and encourages all of us to look at expressing our hardestry definitely is something that enhances we spaces that we're in and also the me space that we we have as an experience of who we are.

I think the baby steps are incredibly important. I imagine many of us are people that we're either we hide to protect ourselves or all open all the way and finding some baby steps in the middle of just taking care of myself or offering some small nugget to somebody else but not having to open up all the way. Those are good muscles for Me to build. I have fingers pointing back at myself for that. So, yeah, just trying that out and seeing how that feels. And if you want to, you know, how do you want to take care of yourself now in a loving way?

So we're going to take a quick seven minute break. I'm going to pause the record. Welcome back.

Yes. Hope you did good things for yourself while you were on break.

I got a good night hug from Madeira.

Yeah, that's always a good thing. Yeah. He was threatening to bring her to the call because it looked like her mama was going to be delayed. And I'm like, I don't think anyone will complain. We may not get much tapping done.

Or a lot.

All right, all right. So I'm gonna. If you'd like to unmute. Marianne.

Marianne.

How are you?

Yeah, good. I had a piece of fudge, so that was my. Yeah, this was very tasty.

I love it. What. What's coming up for you around this?

Yeah, so when I. I really like this idea of when I'm in the moment and I'm creating and I'm. I. Everyone's creative, but that's particularly something that I do for my job as well as.

Wonderful.

Just in my free time and. But I get this sense when I've got a deadline for a publisher or something like that, and all these other ideas come up and I actually really want to work on those and I feel like it's not safe, that somehow it's going to lead me astray and lead me off the path and. And then I end up not even enjoying the. The publish the, you know, the contractual work, because I'm really wanting to go off and do this other thing. So it's like I don't trust my inner instincts. Like, somehow it's going to lead me astray.

Yeah. So can you just take a breath and just kind of feel into that? Like, imagine you're working on your contracts and you've kind of committed to getting a certain amount done and all this inspiration is coming up. How are you feeling? Like, how do you notice that you want to go do those things? What are the sensations in your body?

Ah, it's like a surging, an upsurge and a forward movement.

Yeah. Okay. And do you lose them completely if you don't do them right now? Do they disappear or how does that feel for you? They.

I can jot them down, but the. The energy of them is usually gone.

Okay. All right. So. Okay. Crowning chant. Even though I have this impulse to do something really fun, even Though I.

Have this impulse to do something really.

Fun and it's so creative.

It's so creative.

But I'm supposed to get this other stuff done.

I'm supposed to get this other stuff done.

And I'm afraid it will lead me down a very bad path.

I'm afraid it will lead me down a very. And I know what path it is.

Yeah.

Oh. So I was. Oh, okay. So I don't know if this is what you do in this, but I. You're welcome in. I was 13. I was doing batik class at. At school.

And.

Somehow I moved in a way I shouldn't have moved. And the entire tray of boiling wax tipped onto my knee.

Oh, wow.

To go to hospital.

Yeah.

Oh, that's interesting. Yeah.

Can you imagine that 13 year old self is there?

Yeah.

Okay, so we're gonna imagine you're tapping on her while you tap on yourself. If that feels like. Or she can tap on herself. Whichever feels good to you. Karate chop. Hey, kiddo. Just. You can repeat it back if you want. Just as hey, kiddo or hey, you. Yeah. Wow, that was a big mess.

Wow, that was a big mess.

And it was really embarrassing and painful.

It was embarrassing and painful.

I had to go to the hospital.

You had to go to the hospital.

No wonder I'm afraid to lose concentration.

No wonder I'm afraid to lose concentration.

That was a big deal.

That was a big deal.

Top of the head. I let that experience keep me really locked down.

I let that experience keep me really locked up.

Eyebrow. But I'm not playing with hot wax right now.

But I'm not playing with hot wax right now.

Side of the eye. I'm doing contract review I'm doing a contract review under the eye. And some of my other ideas are pretty safe to do Some of my.

Other ideas are pretty safe to do under the nose.

And even hot wax doesn't have to be dangerous.

Part of me does not believe that.

So part of me thinks hot wax is always dangerous.

Part of me thinks hot wax is always dangerous and unpredictable.

Okay. And unpredictable. That's huge. Collarbone. So I have to keep myself locked down all the time.

I have to keep myself locked down.

All the time under the arm. But my brain is very different than a 13 year old's.

But my brain is very different from a 13 year old's.

Top of the head. My prefrontal cortex did not fully form until I was 25.

My prefrontal cortex did not fully form until I was 25.

Eyebrow. That's why we try not to make teenagers make big decisions.

That's why we try not to get teenagers to make big decisions.

Side of the eye and my 13 year old tipped over the wax my.

13 year old tipped over the wax under the eye.

And part of me is still really scared of that.

Part of me is still really scared of that.

Under the nose. I'll lose concentration and hurt myself really badly.

I'll lose concentration and hurt myself and humiliate myself really badly.

I cannot deviate from reviewing contracts.

I cannot deviate from working on my contract.

Collarbone. What if I was doing something safe.

What if I was doing something safe.

Under the arm for a set amount of time?

For a set amount of time?

Top of the head. What if I set a timer for a half an hour of doing something enjoyable?

What if I set a timer for half an hour? I'm getting really resistance to that.

Yeah. Okay, that's great. So where are you, what are you noticing around the resistance?

I'll still be taken off track if I spend that half an hour that I'm somehow robbing the work I should be doing of that half hour of fun.

So when you talk about that getting off track, it sounds like it's not like, oh, I'll go off track and then come back. It's like I'm just gonna go off track and go. Things are gonna go.

I'll lose control.

Yeah, karate chop. If I go off track, if I go off track, I'll lose control.

Lose control.

I will never get it back.

I'll never get it back ever.

I'll humiliate myself.

Humiliate myself.

And get hurt.

Get hurt.

No wonder I better just review those contracts.

No wonder I better stick to my contract.

Top of the head. I'm gonna hold on to this.

I'm gonna hold on to this.

Eyebrow. I'm not gonna change my mind.

I'm not going to change my mind.

Side of the eye. You cannot make me.

You can't make me under the eye.

I know this road would really hurt.

I know this would really hurt.

Under the nose. I kind of doubt my ability to handle things.

I doubt my ability to handle things.

Tim. I'm pretty sure I'll muck it all up.

I'm pretty sure I'll muck it all up.

Collarbone. So I'm gonna stay on the straight.

And narrow so I'm gonna stay on the straight and narrow.

Collarbone. No breaks for me.

No breaks for me.

Papa had. Especially not dangerous ones.

Especially not dangerous ones.

So just take a breath and when we get in that creative Space, like where we're in the being of it. That is, there is a sense of like, we're the creative. It's kind of dangerous or edgy. Like we can get caught up into it and we can be different than our. Like, especially when we're younger. But even now, like, as adults, there's moments where we can lose time and just be like, oh, my goodness, like the last hour, where did it go? Which is really the epitome of play. Play is not paying attention to time or trying to get things done in a certain, like, unless it's a game. We had to lose track of that rigid time sense. So when you think of that 13 year old right now, and she was, you know, she might have lost track of, like, what was important. Obviously she wasn't watching out for the wax. And teenage people often can get very easily distracted. There's hormones going on. The prefrontal cortex isn't fully formed. There's like, they're. They're doing their best, but it's their kind of walking disaster sometimes. What are you noticing when you think about her?

She feels a bit freer, but she feels like she somehow broke the rules. I was a very, very studious student, so it would be a deep horror to have broken any rules.

Okay, well, I think this could apply for a lot of people. Can we do a little tapping for her? So just while you're tapping on yourself, imagine you're also tapping with her. So even though I broke the rules.

Even though I broke the rules.

And that was so bad.

That was so bad.

Look what happened.

Look what happened.

This wasn't a little problem.

This wasn't a little problem.

I had to go to hospital.

I had to go to hospital.

Top of that. I can never lose track again.

And never lose track again.

I. Bro, I've got to stay right.

On this, but I stay right on.

This side of the eye. I better shut down all these new ideas.

I better shut down all these new.

Ideas under the eye. They're just distractions.

They're just distractions under the nose.

They'll cause me to hurt myself and humiliate myself.

Cause me to hurt myself and humiliate myself.

Chen. I don't ever want to do that again.

I don't want to ever do that again.

Collarbone. But I'm also shutting down my creative self.

But I'm also shutting down my creative.

Self under the arm. And my brain does work differently now.

My brain does work differently now.

Top of the head. What if I tried just a couple minutes of creativity what if I tried.

Just a couple of minutes of creativity.

And see how that felt and see how that feels. Just take a breath and notice whatever it can be, you know, part of you can be resistant. There's no right or wrong on this. There's a.

There's sort of like a. Well, maybe. Maybe there's. There's some resistance, but not as much.

As even just somewhat of a shift. And I invite you. I think one thing I notice is when I do engineering, I get brilliant ideas for tapping scripts or whatever. Well, I think they're brilliant. But I write, you know, I write myself notes. And then I also were allowed to take breaks. Humans are allowed to take breaks. And, like, If I spend 10 minutes writing out, like, some. Some bullet points of what I want to include, and then later that that flow is a lot easier to step into. So the. For me that you're having the left brain and right brain stuff, like switching back and forth is really useful. I think if you can give yourself more permission, you won't be quite as shut down about it, but maybe trying little, like literally setting the timer for two minutes and letting yourself jot down some ideas or play to step into it just a little, and then step out to show yourself that you're not. There's no boiling wax here. Like, literally no boiling wax.

Yeah. Thanks.

How are you feeling?

Yeah. Oh, okay. I'm getting a sense it's. It's a generational Protestant work ethic kind of.

Yeah. Ghost the grindstone.

Yeah. But also I'm feeling a sense that I could let that go because they all learned it. It's just a learned thing. It's not an innate truth.

Yes.

Yeah.

I sometimes have to do this for myself because I'm like, work myself until I drop. But it's like, if I had an employee, would I expect them to. Would I want them to take a break and stand up and walk around or jot down their to do list or whatever so they could have it put aside. Like, I think we're kinder to other people often than we're kind to ourselves. I really appreciate you stepping forward, and I hope it helps.

Thanks for that. Thanks.

I could meet you.

Appreciating you, Marianne.

Yeah. That was great.

It's so true that when we start tapping on something that's coming up, a trauma that is a block can come up. And at the same time, then we're often at the end of it, left with some open space. To me, this is where refining our hardestry and allowing ourselves to express another Quality, for example, I have a quality of improvisation and spontaneity. There are times for that and there are times not for that. But it's important enough to me that I want it to have space to express itself on a regular basis. And so Marianne and all of us, we can look at. Okay, so I have this thing that I do really well, and I'd like to take parts of it, like my creativity. I start bubbling with it when I'm in that mode. Maybe my hardest tree is about persistence and stick to it. Iveness and diligence and competence blended with my creativity. And then I also want a space for me and we for spontaneousness or different expression. So if my contract work is written, maybe I get this idea and all of a sudden I get up and I start speaking it and dancing with it. It's not a project. You can't turn it in. You, I guess you could turn it. We could all turn anything into a project. But if spontaneity or expressiveness is something that you would like, creating an expression for your hardest tree, which isn't too close to the work world, allows my primitive brain to know. Oh, well, you know, there's eating and they're, they're connected, but they're not the same thing. There's, there's my creativity like in a workshop, but there's my, my creativity when I'm down on the floor playing. There's my creativity about how I choose to see the world, what I choose to notice. And as we, as we take an honor and respect, like, oh, when I work, these are the things that I, you know, I own these and I like to blend them in a slightly different form in another space and making that conscious. As this is like this workshop, isn't it obvious? We are here on zoom. This is a container. It lasts for a certain amount of time. I did preparation for it. I'm going to do post processing of it. This is part and parcel of my professional world. My eagerness is different with you all than it is with Adira or Emerald or my walks. But I get to blend it. And if you are in that kind of shoulds, if shoulds come up, your primitive brain is doing it to you that if you go by that, I'm guessing it will be 99% accurate for most humans. If you're shooting on yourself and you have to, you're in survival brain. And that's part of the real skill is, oh, I'm in survival brain, that's okay. It's one of the ways I get into doing my work. It's a doorway into my work world. Once I walk through it, well, my creativity kicks in, my competence, my professionalism, my. All those things, my gifts with the language that I write in or speak, all those come into play and I walk right through a should door to get there. No problem. Artistry starts from a different play. Like, ooh, you know, I am really wanting to be this and blend it with these other things that I have. Right? Let them be some of the doorway into it. Oh, my muse is speaking. What if I gave them voice? What if I grabbed a voice recorder and just played with my muse for a few moments? That's my. Whether it's two minutes or you leave space in your life for spontaneity. So for example, if someone's hardistry, they. They really feel like they're a spontaneous person who has always had to sit in the desk chair and not move. Like, and they're saying, I want to be more spontaneous. But there's so much trading. You're not supposed to stand. My watch told me it's time to stand up. And I know it's not time to stand up because we're in the middle of a class. We can't. I can't stand up. Tap, tap, tap. Even though they taught me not to be spontaneous, you know, it's my precious life and it's something I feel in me that I want to express. How could I blend that with some of the other things that I am?

And too, we've been hungry for connection. Maybe we were feeling particularly lonely or vulnerable that day and we. But the balance might have felt off. Like, I'm willing to risk this vulnerability because I'm hungry for that connection versus oh, can I just accept that I feel a little lonely today? Can I accept myself to where I am? And again, there's no. Like, someone was talking about being perfect and getting everything just right.

I had somebody that always went to the gym and they wanted to be more spontaneous. And so what they would do is get in the car.

Like, I don't think we ever get things just right. I had this ideal for years that I would like if I just worked hard enough on myself one day that I would wake up and I wouldn't be afraid of things. I wouldn't need to tap anymore. I would be like, you know, all better, quote unquote. And I do this all wrong. But it hasn't happened. I get over things more quickly.

Often I think the their guidance was, I'm going to get in the car and I'm going to head down the road. Like, I'm going to the gym, but I'm just going to let myself decide where.

And yet there's still a lot there. And I think we get to be humans, which means, am I going to the gym?

Am I going for a walk? And what's interesting is that I adopted that. And that's the benefit of hardestry is that somebody comes up with an idea and they start expressing it and it helps them feel more spontaneous. And when I'm feeling a little bit.

I imagine people that are here, we're curious people. We're not always just doing the routine and deciding that what we have is the right way to do it. We're like, oh, what else is out there? So we're stepping out of our comfort.

Zones, which means, like, my life is rigid. What happens? I get in the car, like, I don't know where I'm going. Oh, time for blending spontaneous. Thank you, buddy. And I get in the car and I start driving.

We're going to stumble. Like when we're outside our comfort zones, we don't know what things, you know, we don't have a flow of pattern. Our neurons are like, what's happening? Why is this going this way? And we're a little more awkward. So I. I would imagine for us.

Driving toward the road or the end, I just see where it leads me. I've. I've set aside a container that allows for movement and exercise. I'm blending in some spontaneity with it when I arrive at the. The path.

Curious people that want to live in our heartestry and be trying to, like, expand ourselves and make ourselves, like, I don't know, different. When we're curious about things, it's never going to feel like, oh, I've got this all handled.

That's the do. I can blend in some eagerness. Ah, I wonder what. I wonder what I'm going to see today that's different.

I think that we're kind of conditioned a lot of times to think that that spontaneity is taking away from our work. And yet I find I have this.

Doing part of it, you know, and the accepting. It's like, oh, what if I accepted the way things are?

What if I accepted things are the.

Way I am, the way I am, the way they are, the way they.

Are thing where I. I'm in my desk, I should work until lunch. I should not stand up. And my knees, I'm getting older. My knees are like, this is Not a good idea. The stretching once an hour when the apple watch tells me to is a.

And blended in something else.

And blend it in something else. Great idea. But I find that I actually like if I take a one minute walk.

Around or added another emotional color.

What if I added another emotional color, stop and say hi to someone or get a glass of water or whatever. I'm more focused. I'm actually doing a better job for them. And I think when I can let my spontaneity out and I feel like.

So someone mentioned time for each other. That's that is such a thriving quality.

You know, quality like I'm not repressing myself and just trying to bring my brain to work. There's more of me to time.

It's one of the love languages and yes.

But I think it benefits both sides. It's not like you're pouring it out of the work side into the thought.

Is, oh, there's so much pressure. We have to do the chores, we have to do this, we have to make money.

We have the creative side. It's like you're actually mixing it up. And actually I find I'm a better person for that. Are we tapping? Yeah.

You know, there's a pressure of have to's. So that doesn't all those have to's. Even though I have resistance.

Even though I have resistance. Yeah.

Right. Like I had to make dinner tonight. Right. Like my job. I am so human.

I am so human about this.

And I've been conditioned out of a lot of my heart history.

I have been conditioned out of a lot of my heart is tree.

Now if I stay in that have to I'm. And it matters to me.

And it matters.

I'm a good worker. I'm good survivor. I'm a good provider. There's a sort of like baseline root root chakra kind of like I can handle the pressure. I can get the things done and. But if that's really my come from, that's me. I want to express it.

I want to express it.

And I'm going to.

And I'm going to.

Ah, there's that resistance.

Oh, there's that resistance.

Hello, friend.

Hello, friend.

That to me is not the same as hardistry artistry would be like, you know, I'm feeling like time for each other. How about time with each other? What about co creation? Oh, you're wearing that old ratty outfit.

You're wearing that old ratty outfit.

Creation. Ooh. So like tonight I said to Adira, you want to make rice with Deda. Now this could be quite the cleanup job. Resistance, my old friend.

My resistance, my old friend.

And it's okay.

It's okay.

Because I know this matters to me.

I do know this matters to me.

It matters. It matters to me to feel.

It matters to me to feel.

But we sat on the kitchen floor with this big five pound bag of rice and I put the little cup inside of the rice maker bowl and we did it together. It was time with each other and. And she helped with a bunch of it. But when mom got. I want to feel what I wanted to feel. It matters to me to be.

It matters to me to be.

Oh, she's the one who pointed to the rice. Me, Dada.

Oh.

All that I want to be.

All that I want to be.

Now, I did need to get us fed there if I was. And I off the head and the resistance is asking the question, does this really matter to you?

The resistance is asking the question, does this really matter to you?

Yes, it does.

Yes, it does.

Work with me.

Work with me. Yeah. Because if it really didn't matter, honestly.

Transparently, I've had a headache all day. The weather and other things. So I could have just dropped into survival mode and done just fine and been like, oh, I got it done.

There's no reason for it to have resistance.

I did not realize this. I. I honestly thought that if I had a goal or an intention that. But connection and co creation and generosity and. And connection. I said connection twice. My desire would be enough to create action and expression and living that way. I've. That's how important it is in my heart history come to understand and biologists are like oh yeah, of course. Like it if you're going to. And now that's a moment. It's a moment that I've shared with you. How I start expressing an aspect of you which isn't you. Either you just increase the volume of it or the. The frequency or whatever or it's like it's been pretty dormant. Like there was a part of me that's a. That's. That's been an improv dancer my whole life. But there was no something that's a have to where there was a pressure to get us fed. We were both getting kind of hangry and I turned it into. To a. A different experience.

Beautiful.

Not always. I don't always have the energy for it. But guess what? You do it once and maybe you share it with a few dozen of your closest community and you're doing it to. It reinforces like this is what matters to me, and this is one of the ways that I'm helping it fit in, because I get to collect all these little ideas in ways that you all have been fitting things in. Like, what is wise? Fear. No, no one I can recall that ever danced improv as an intention. Like, they would dance along with the music or stuff, but not just, like, letting your body move in ways that are like, oh, I. That I just. Just expressed a hard history of mine and it took carelessness. You know when you. When you pull a group together to do art together, you know when you share what something that you. You drew with a crayon or words that matter to you or thought Resistance. I had to say, yes, this matters to me. It matters to me to be awkward. It matters to me to craft new connections in me. It matters to me to make space for it. The resistance is really human and helpful. It helps us not be swayed by things that don't matter to us. Although propaganda and manipulation can get past that and make us. Oh, this really matters to me.

Bud Light.

Yeah, sorry, I. I went or dream.

I just. Yeah, I was just thinking, like, if you had been. Someone was sharing about pressure to do it all, get the chores done, the cooking, the cleaning, to earn money, all that pressure to get it right and do it well. And just. I was thinking about, like, if you, if you admitted in that moment of, like, pressure of I've got to feed the people by a certain time that, like, there was a lot of shoulds around it, you wouldn't have taken that moment to be with it. Like, be with Adira in that way, and you wouldn't have created that moment that she was so proud of. And please don't take this.

But when we consciously are like, oh, this matters to me with the result look, and I call it artistry because it does benefit from putting your hand on your core, your belly, your knees, you're like, no, wait a minute. This matters to me. This matters to me. Yep, there's some fear. Yep.

The person that shared. I'm not saying you're wrong. Like, a lot of us get caught. I get caught up in that often. But if I can have some goals and intentions, but if I can be in the moment kind of being with the experience, the energy of the moment, there's a lot of opportunities that might. That might come up. I called Rick earlier today. We were prepping for this call and Adira didn't want. She. She said it was. She was going to talk to me. And he.

There's some doubt. Yep. There's some uncertainty. And it matters to me. So let's find ways that are reasonably safe and sane to start getting a chance to do this. If I feel like it doesn't exist out there. Maybe part is like, let me ask around. Well, where do you feel free moving like.

Like couldn't talk to me. I was so flattered. They're fighting over me. And 2 year olds are very blunt. When she's done talking, she just hangs up on me. I'm like, okay. But at one point she was like. She could tell she just loves her dada. And she was like telling me mama Dada. I'm not really sure what all the story. But there was driving involved and her brother. And at one point Rick reached over and just the way he just like kind of smoothed her hair.

It was so your body wants to. Out in the woods. Contact improv too. And other places.

Clean and sweet. And I just like felt tears like this.

These two people love each start reaffirming as. As a recognized work. That that's a skill that to me of hardistry is a core skill. This matters to me. This matters to me.

Generosity so much. And I think that deep love comes not from having dinner on the table and the bed made and everything squared up and put away in exactly the right place, but those moments like cooking the rice together are the moments where he was teasing her that I was his friend too and she was giggling and like. No. That she was gonna just. She was gonna talk to me.

But those matters to me when my fear about money or time or attention or whatever, it's like, look, generosity matters to me. Not to the extent that I want to be sacrificial about it, but the.

Silly offbeat moments, those moments where we're not focused on making it look a certain way, we're with the being of it. And I'd love to do a little tapping on the pressure to do things right and get it all squared away. Because I think a lot of us feel that. And there's pressure from society.

We've divided generosity that really. Like, how does generosity apply here? And someone. Someone who left at the halfway point said, look, I'm gonna be generous with myself and go give myself some rest.

Yes.

Generosity doesn't always look like staying shoulds take me right out of my hardest tree. So that fits the expressing our heart with others.

Pushing.

Yeah. Industry. Including what takes us out of it.

Yeah. I invite you to take a deep breath if you want to and even if you don't feel like this applies to you. I invite you to tap along because sometimes we have little pockets of it hidden away. So karate chop. Even though there's all this pressure to get it right.

Even though there's all. But if generosity matters to you, you can start your hardest streak can be applied to an infinite number of different situations where you're just attuned to it. And peacefulness, if that matters to you. It's like, oh, I want that experience that I'm a human being. I want to be more peaceful remembering this pressure to get it right.

I have to have the forks and spoons sorted correctly in the drawers.

I have to. I definitely do have to have the forks and spoons sorted correctly. That if the resistance. Yeah, but they're annoying. Okay. In the drawers.

All my socks have to match.

All my socks have to match.

Everything has to be dusted.

No, that's not. That's not a should. But some people, and some people even are shitting on themselves about their dusting.

And having to earn money.

Yeah. So I'm going to be more peaceful about the fact that I'm annoyed by people who do that. You know, they're annoying and I'm okay with that. Like, that, to me is more peaceful than I shouldn't be annoyed by them. You know, like, I'm annoyed that I'm annoyed. It. That's definitely a have to.

Yeah. Get everything lined up just right.

Get everything lined up. Both are okay. Both are emotional freedom. And if you're wanting more peacefulness just right.

What if I gave myself a 10% dispensation?

What if I gave myself a 10% dispensation? There's a. There. There's really interesting ways that emoji top of the head.

What if 10% of the time I could be with the being of this.

What if 10% of the time I could be with the being of this can be applied in small increments in situations. Whether other people realize that you've done it or not, you will. And it goes to your bones. It goes.

Starts eyebrow. Experience the getting it done.

Experience the getting it done with curiosity. With curiosity.

Under the eye.

How could I experience circulating in your core? It becomes something that instead of resistance differently. Oh, that's a good question. How could I It becomes a go to.

Yeah. Just the practice of letting the birth itself is wonderful.

Experience this differently under the nose.

What if I just. I was thinking of Marianne. Like I just bring a. I stick a. My own post it notes in a bag and when I. I'll write down three words like if something burbles to the surface and did it for my.

Future self, what if I intended it.

For my future self and did it with love?

And did it with love.

Colorbone what if I brought in my younger selves?

What if I brought in my younger.

Selves under the arm and did this.

With play and did this with their kind of play.

They may not matter to me when I get home later in the day, but the fact that I wrote them down and kind of acknowledged that verbaling like, oh, I really appreciate this creativity and what we appreciate we tend to get more of. So and someone else wrote that it's.

Too much to get never got to do. Yeah, top of the head.

It's too much to they were seem to hold them hold themselves back from entering the arena. I love those that phrase. I think that if you're noticing that like Marianne, other people, many of us have give up all the shoulds right now.

It's too much to give up all the shoulds right now.

But I might be able to do 10%.

I might be able to do 10%.

Of illogical, illogical beliefs like we're not just take a breath and see how that feels to me. That just feels lighter because I can get really caught up in the to do lists and I want my computer to be clean and my email caught up and my playing with high wax right now. But our survival brain doesn't know that it associates. And those are the things we can't talk our way out of. We can't logic our way out of. So we can do tapping, we can share that even if we just get a little air in that it suddenly starts having room to shift. If we can say, you know, we don't have to shift it all at once, but if you're noticing something you want to do, just acknowledge it and notice what you're feeling in your body. Bringing to one of the desks clean and the plants all watered. And it's like I just. I can really overwhelm myself. But what if I can water the plants with appreciation for the joy the. The color they bring to my home? What if I can tidy my desk with appreciation like, oh, I'm cleaning this so my future self can come and sit down and like have everything organized. Just think it brings in a little. A little room for enjoyment or for the circle calls just starting to clear that so that you can be yourself expressed in a different energy.

You make up a. You bring in some really powerful perspectives here that I want to amplify for a moment and then we'll. We're gonna take a world.

Because many of us were taught to suppress ourselves. We were taught not to be ourselves.

Quick break. Express.

We were taught to be what other people wanted us to be. And that makes life really boring.

Seeing our hardestry.

And it makes people pretty dull. Like, you know, it's just like, you know, it's not exciting. Versus if you watch Rick on the treadmill at the gym, you're like, oh my God, I hope he's okay. But that's so amazing.

If I want to be generous.

It brings some joy and play in life and I think we all need that. So I wish that for each of you and I really appreciate you all spending the last hour and a half.

But I'm afraid of rejection or people taking advantage of me. There's an energetic skill with us and.

Being vulnerable and being willing to share in the chat and on video. And I just really appreciate what you do for the world. But I think you'll walk out of here with different thoughts and you gave yourself that. So thank you so much.

Of. Well, how could I be generous in a way that doesn't require anyone else's cooperation? So if I can be generous with my future self like, you know, thank you, Kathy.

Thank you, Rick.

I'm drawn to Rick. Might be really tired in the morning. Maybe I'll just take care of myself and offer this as a sharing as well. Grab this pan, you know, the rice pan with the burnt on rice. And I'll do that before I go to bed so that when, you know, it's just, it's a clean. He can just go straight. When I, when I first started doing eft tapping, there was this pressure that came that, you know, this feels important to me. This matters to me. Emotional self management. Wait for coffee, you know. And to me, that is being generous with my future self. If I say, hey, you know, I'm. I know money's tight right now, but I'd like to buy, I'd like to save for a sushi dinner for my future self and for, for Father's Day, right, Or for some event and everything else. And I started getting a feeling of the bigness, the potential bigness. And I stopped for a while. I stopped doing what was really part of my hardest tree, which was just sharing it. When the universe put me in connection with somebody, you know, I would point it out that this is a tool that I'd be happy to show them a little bit about it. If you feel like and you put away $5 toward it. You're being generous financially within your means for your future self. It doesn't require anyone else to be happy about it other than you. Kindness. This. This practice is hard for people because a lot of us who had trauma in childhood and didn't have a kind of developed self bond. There's. I'm afraid of entering the arena. To me, the. There is a skill in recognizing is this where I really want to go the arena. I realized that by. By tuning myself to what really mattered, which is very individual that I could find ways of being in my heartistry that felt almost as have to. I must. I'm desperate to get the kind of connection like I'm kind and you're kind back to me. Me, I am agreeable and you're agreeable back to me. I am generous and you're generous back to me. That bless us all. That's a trauma pattern and a little tiny steps where you develop just five ways that you could be eager in a way that benefit and if the arena happens, it's like from yes to yes to yes to yes. Like right now the arena does not feel appealing to me at all. Oh, but you could make such a big impact if it's yourself. Like for me, like I could be eager for this and I can be eager for this. I could be eager for the softness of my pillow tonight. I can be eager to get to be with people that share values and want to explore this type of goofy things like hardistry together and move it forward in the world. When we. When we make sure that our men. Yeah. You put me in an arena with 65,000 people. I would rather be here with you all. This feels more true to my core. My heart is like oh, this was great. Thank you. What a nice. And I just offer that as because I model this when. When the pressure builds up around something that's hardistry bringing it back to you for each of the things that matter to us that are part of our hardestry have things that don't require a wee space other than with yourself, your future self, your past self. That is so freeing. Emotional freedom says, you know, I want to be generous, but I'm feeling kind of pissy at everybody in my life. But I can't be generous with myself right now. I'm going to go for a walk and give myself the generosity of space and recalibration. My hope is that this invites and encourages all of us to look at expressing our hardest tree. Definitely is Something that enhances we spaces that we're in and also the me space that we have as an experience of who we are.

I think the baby steps are incredibly important. I imagine many of us.

What makes it matter to me. How can I have that experience without requiring anyone Us are people that we're.

Either we hide to protect ourselves or all open all the way and finding some baby steps in the middle of just taking care of myself. Or else.

And what's the next like we space that feels right to me. And it could be one person comes.

To mind offering some small nugget to somebody else but not having to open up all the way.

I those are like, you know, I want to ask if they'd be willing to hear my poem. And I'm okay if they say no. And that'll feel good to know that I could ask them. And I'm okay if they say no because that addresses the rejection. And if they say yes, they're good.

Muscles for me to build. I have fingers pointing back at myself for that. So yeah, just trying that out and seeing how that feels. And if you want to, you know, how do you want to take care of yourself now in a loving way.

So we're going to take a quick I'm okay with them saying yes. So as we as you explore seven minute break. I'm going to pause the record. Welcome back. Or new aspects of your hardest tree. Feeling for the right. The right size, the right we space can calm.

Yes. Hope you did good things for yourself while you were on break.

I got a good night hug from Adira.

That's always a good thing.

The part of you that really probably wants to do it a bit differently than maybe you've been pressured or believe you have to do it in order.

He was threatening to bring her to the call because it looked like her mama was going to be delayed. And I'm like, I don't think anyone will complain. We may not get much tapping done.

Or a lot.

All right. All right.

To be an artist. That's why I call it.

So I'm gonna. If you'd like to unmute.

MARIANNE Marion ARTIST Bless you, Kathy. Bless you all.

Thank you all.

Love your feedback. ThrivingNow center is a little enclave.

How are you?

Yeah, good. I had a piece of fudge, so that was my. Yeah, this was very tasty.

I love it. What's coming up for you around this?

Yeah, so when I really like this idea of when I'm in the moment.

And I'm creative circle community space that we have and if you would like to share something about your hardest tree, it's open and it's free drivingnow center. So. Yeah.

Hi everyone.

Bye for now.

And I'm. I. Everyone's creative, but that's particularly something that I do for my job as well as.

Wonderful.

Just in my free time and. But I get this sense when I've got a deadline for a publisher or something like that and all these other ideas come up and I actually really want to work on those and I feel like it's not safe, that somehow it's going to lead me astray and lead me off the path and then I end up not even enjoying the published, the contractual work because I'm really wanting to go off and do this other thing. So it's like I don't trust my inner instincts. Like somehow it's going to lead me astray.

Yeah. So can you just take a breath and just kind of feel into that? Like imagine you're working on your contracts and you've kind of committed to getting a certain amount done and all this inspiration is coming up. How are you feel like how do you notice that you want to go do those things? What are the sensations in your body?

It's like a surging, an upsurge and a forward movement.

Yeah. Okay. And do you lose them completely if you don't do them right now? Do they dis. Disappear or how does that feel for you? They.

I can jot them down but the. The energy of them is usually gone.

Okay. All right. So. Okay. Karate chop. Even though I have this impulse to do something really fun, Even though I.

Have this impulse to do something really.

Fun and it's so creative.

It's so creative.

But I'm supposed to get this other stuff done.

I'm supposed to get this other stuff done.

And I'm afraid it will lead me down a very bad path.

I'm afraid it will lead me down a very. And I know what path it is.

Yeah.

Oh. So I was. Oh, okay. So I don't know if this is what you do in this, but I. You're welcome in. I was 13, I was doing batik class at. At school and somehow I moved in a way I shouldn't have moved. And the entire tray of boiling wax tipped onto my knee.

Oh, wow.

I should go to hospital.

Yeah.

Oh, that's interesting. Yeah.

Can you imagine that 13 year old self is there?

Yeah.

Yeah. So we're gonna imagine you're tapping on her while you tap on yourself. If that feels like. Or she can tap on herself. Whichever feels good to you. Karate chop. Hey, kiddo. Just. You can repeat it back if you want. Just as hey, kiddo. Or woman.

Hey, you.

Yeah. Wow. That was a big mess.

Wow. That was a big mess.

And it was really embarrassing and painful.

It was embarrassing and painful.

I had to go to the hospital.

You had to go to the hospital?

No wonder I'm afraid to lose concentration.

No wonder I'm afraid to lose concentration.

That was a big deal.

That was a big deal.

Top of the head. I let that experience keep me really locked down.

I let that experience keep me really locked up.

Eyebrow. But I'm not playing with hot wax right now.

But I'm not playing with hot air. Wax right now.

Side of the eye. I'm doing contract review I'm doing a contract review under the eye. And some of my other ideas are pretty safe to do Some of my.

Other ideas are pretty safe to do under the nose.

And even hot wax doesn't have to be dangerous.

A part of me does not believe that.

Okay. So part of me thinks hot wax is always dangerous Part of me thinks.

Hot wax is always dangerous and unpredictable.

Okay. And unpredictable. That's huge. Collarbone. So I have to keep myself locked down all the time.

So I have to keep myself locked down all the time.

Under the arm. But my brain is very different than a 13 year old's.

But my brain is very different from a 13 year old's.

Top of the head. My prefrontal cortex did not fully form until I was 25.

My prefrontal cortex did not fully form until I was 25.

Eyebrow. That's why we try not to make teenagers make big decisions that's why we.

Try not to get teenagers to make big decisions.

Side of the eye. And my 13 year old tipped over.

The wax my 13 year old tipped.

Over the wax under the eye. And part of me is still really scared of that.

Part of me is still really scared of that.

Under the nose. I'll lose concentration and hurt myself really badly.

I'll lose concentration and hurt myself and humiliate myself really badly.

Shin. I cannot deviate from reviewing contracts I.

Cannot deviate from working on my contract.

Collarbone. What if I was doing something safe.

What if I was doing something safe.

Under the arm for a set amount of time?

For a set amount of time?

Top of the head. What if I set a timer for a half an hour of doing something enjoyable?

What if I set a timer for half an hour? I'm getting really resistance to that.

Yeah. Okay. That's great. So what Are you noticing around the resistance?

It's. I'll still be taken off track if I spend that half an hour that I'm somehow robbing the work I should be doing of that half hour of fun.

So when you talk about that getting off track, it sounds like it's not like, oh, I'll go off track and then come back. It's like I'm just going to go off track and go. Things are going to go crazy.

I'll lose control.

Yeah, karate chop. If I go off track, if I go off track, I'll lose control.

Lose control.

I will never get it back.

I'll never get it back ever.

I'll humiliate myself.

Humiliate myself.

And get hurt.

Get hurt.

No wonder I better just review those contracts.

No wonder I better stick to my contract.

Top of the head. I'm going to hold on to this.

I'm gonna hold on to this eyebrow.

I'm not gonna change my mind.

I'm not gonna change my mind.

Side of the eye. You cannot make me.

You can't make me.

Under the eye. I know this would really hurt.

I know this would really hurt.

Under the nose. I kind of doubt my ability to handle things.