Stop Suppressing Yourself...

Stop suppressing yourself and be what matters. This is a real skills workshop, and I wanted to start off before we introduce ourselves with, just to help tune ourselves to what do we mean by suppression? And I asked an artificial intelligence chat AI, what is suppression? Emotional suppression. And it says, suppression refers to the act of deliberately pushing down or holding back one's thoughts, feelings, or emotions. Overall, suppression is a way of avoiding or managing difficult emotions, but it can also lead to negative consequences such as emotional repression, internal conflicts, and difficulty connecting with others. And today, we're going to be exploring this in more depth. And also, I'm excited because I know that every little step that I've taken in my life to be more free includes looking at the things that I'm suppressed around and developing some savvy about how do I get those emotional needs met without running roughshod over people I care about. And so I'm here. I'm Rick from Thriving Now. I'm here with Kathy Bartuli from Thriving now and Intimacy Dojo. Kathy, how has suppression played in your experience?

It's been a huge effect in my life. I remember when I first became aware I wanted to change and connect with people more and live a better life. I didn't know what was really wrong. I felt like I was being very expressive and that I would go to a party and I would sit there and I felt like there were flashing lights saying, come talk to me. I want to talk to people. And yet, over time, I became more conscious of it. And I would sit there kind of quietly with my head down, and I wouldn't talk to people. And I would notice that some of my friends were much more memorable. People would run up and say, hey, buddy. Like, they were so excited to see them. And they're like, who are you? Did we meet before? And I wasn't really sharing anything of myself. And I just. I think I grew up with the feeling I was too much and that people didn't really want to hear about me. So I. I didn't share anything. There was nothing to latch onto. So it's a protective mechanism in some ways, like, if I don't share anything, you can't judge me. But it's also, if you've grown up in a family where people were tired or stressed, kids can often feel like they didn't have the resources or the skills to soothe themselves, so they just told the kid to be quiet. Like people were raised for many generations, kids should be seen but not heard. It should be these quiet little mice that did the bidding of their parents. And that's not how I want to live my life. And I also don't want to be one of those people that runs roughshod over other people and doesn't pay attention to other people. So I love the topic of this because Rick and I are both people that want to kind of flow with other people as well. So how do you go? There's one side is suppressed and the other side is. You're just, like, all over the place. What's the happy medium? Where's the place we can be where we're feeling like I'm. I'm expressing myself, I feel good about myself. And other people feel like they're seen and respected as well. So I love this topic. Rick, thank you for choosing it.

We touched on some things there. We tend to attract into our community people that want to thrive, but they're thoughtful, they're energetically sensitive, and many of us have things from our past that were punishing, even abusive, as you were talking about, like, seen and not heard. I had. I was suppressing secrets during a certain segment of my life. And so in. If. If that is true for someone, oftentimes when you're suppressing a secret and repressing memories or experiences that you had, it can carry over into other things that maybe get your attention, right? Like, oh, I want to be more courageous, but courageous. If you're being courageous, it might feel like inside, oh, then I might not suppress. This thing that isn't safe, doesn't feel safe for me. So we want to acknowledge that for many humans on the planet today, there are things about their past which are really hard, maybe hard to talk about, maybe even harder to feel. In our first session, we invited people to choose, like, what is an emotional state that you know matters to you? And if you have that in mind, then one of the things I believe is that if you take something that you know matters to you and you take little tiny incremental steps, that your being knows that I don't have to go from suppressed to totally unsuppressed, that I can take little adjustments along the way and still be a good person. Because I'll say as someone who has parented and was in a classroom and was in the workplace and has been a parent, there's something inside that says if you can't suppress yourself, you're not a good person. And, yeah, like, okay, I believe that the superpower of being able to suppress ourselves is incredibly useful for protection. As Kathy said to. To not make assumptions about what's Safe or who's safe or like that. Suppression can make us appear like we're more easygoing and agreeable because we're suppressing our own needs in the face of someone else who may be all about what their needs are, but they don't really attune to our needs at all. They may be overwhelmed and stressed. And suppression as a. An energetic thing. I know that I still have superpowers of suppression, but the real skill is that I don't suppress myself. And this is where we're going to be touching on today. How do we get to the place where we're not suppressing ourselves? Where it's not useful, where it's not necessary, where it doesn't actually deepen a relationship, when it doesn't serve? Our thriving shuts off our natural ability to adapt and acclimate and seek out with curiosity. Yeah, I'm not going to dance wild and crazy at the library. Or maybe at night after the kids go to bed. I still have that craving. How can I get that need met of eagerness for me, for dance and movement and sound? Makes sense.

Yeah, I love it. And we got some great comments in the chat too. So I think I like how you said you used acclimating versus suppressing for how we get. And we'll get to that a little bit more. But suppressing means we're just kind of tamping everything down. And so we'll be talking about using acclimating to the given situation as an alternative and as a healthier flow. So we've had people asking about shame. Is suppression linked to shame? Absolutely. One, we are often shamed into being suppressed. That's a great way to suppress somebody. You're bad, you're ruining Christmas, you're like, whatever, just like pile it on, that person carries it. And then we're also. We also can feel suppressed when we. Especially if there's secrets or something that we really, our inner being wants to share and we don't feel safe sharing it. That can lead to like, oh, maybe that. Maybe there's something wrong with me. Maybe there's like, other people don't want to hear this. Maybe there's something I shouldn't share. So there's kind of a loop about it. Like by not sharing things with people we're close to, it may feel like, oh, maybe there's something that I should be ashamed about. And also, again, we are really often ashamed into like being quiet to suppressing ourselves.

So that's raw enough, I think, for enough people, including myself, that we Use an emotional technology called EFT tapping. We're not going to be teaching it today. It's out@thrivingnow.com tapping we have a free course that you can really learn the essential qualities of tapping. But you can follow along, repeat. You'll notice that Kathy and I go back and forth. As soon as we say something, you're welcome to say it out loud. You're muted, only people in your environment. Maybe you say it inside your head because there are other people around up to you. And what it's designed to do is to connect with something that we feel is an emotional or physical physio emotional quality to it and give it a bit of a direction. So if shame is our suppressor, what do we want to do with that? And I'm going to, I'm curious and eager to find out as Kathy leads this, if she will, where she would go with shame as a suppressant and maybe include that in the tapping. Would that sound good?

Yeah, that sounds great. And we'll probably do more of it as we go because it is so linked to suppression. So I invite you and take a deep breath if that feels good for your body and just let your attention, if you've been getting settled in or whatever, just let your attention come here and now be part of this container. Notice your butt in the chair, notice how it's supported, your feet on the floor, maybe wiggle your toes. The more present you are with your body when you do the tapping, the quicker things clear as far as I can tell. I think when people start doing it subcontinent half heartedly, it doesn't clear as well and as deeply. So I'm going to invite you to just be as present here as you can. As you tap, notice the texture, the sensation of your fingers tapping on yourself. We often tune out things we've done a lot of and if we can make it more fresh and new, I think our body pays more attention. Karadi Chap Even though I have a lot of shame associated with suppression, Even.

Though I have a lot of shame.

Associated with suppression, most parents don't take parenting courses.

Most parents don't take parenting courses.

And they just repeat what they learned.

And they repeat what they learned.

And their grandparents and great grandparents use shame a lot.

And their parents and great grandparents use shame a lot.

My parents didn't know how to help.

Me acclimate, even though my parents didn't really know how to help me acclimate.

And they just shut me down with shame.

And they shut me down with shame.

Maybe I can Learn to acclimate now.

Oh, maybe I can learn to acclimate.

Now and release this unneeded shame.

And release this unneeded, unnecessary shame.

Top of the head. I have a lot of shame in my body.

I have a lot of shame in my body. Still.

Eyebrow. I have a lot of shame in my brain.

I have a lot of shame in my brain.

Side of the eye. All this shame in my energy system.

All this shame in my energy system.

Under the eye. They taught me that I was too much.

They taught me I was too much.

Under the nose. They said I was inappropriate.

They said I was inappropriate.

They withheld their attention and love.

They withheld their attention and love. They punished.

They punished and yelled.

They punished and yelled under the arm.

And I was just a little kid trying to figure out how to live in this world.

And I was a little kid trying to figure out how to live in this world. No one really explained much no one explained nearly enough.

Eyebrow. They just snapped.

They snapped.

Side of the eye. They judged.

They judged. Ooh. Heavy on the judged.

They assumed I should understand.

They assumed that I should understand.

Under the nose. They didn't know my little brain didn't have concepts for this.

My little brain did not have concepts for this.

Maybe I can forgive myself for not knowing things I couldn't know.

Maybe I can forgive myself for not knowing things I couldn't know.

Hellerbon Maybe I can release some of.

This shame maybe I can release some.

Of this shame under the arm and start embracing curiosity.

And start embracing curiosity.

Top of the head. How can I be expressed and still acclimate with other people?

How can I be expressed and still acclimate with other people?

Just take a breath. Coming up. You had something to say, Rick?

Oh, yeah. It's always surprising when we touch on shame. Often, there's just deep roots. It's part of how we were conditioned. Humans are designed to be conditioned. We're pretty broad. Like the kids who live with the neighbors on either side. There's nothing wrong with how their parents are navigating, that I can tell. But it's different. And so we're like our kids now are acclimating and adapting to our world, our house, and every other kid. And then we add other countries. And then we add, like, levels, socioeconomic levels, and emotional stress levels, and overwhelm. And all these things too much. Like, think about just feeling into your. The word that. The energy. Excuse me. The emotion that you want to feel. Like, mine's eager. Eager is important to me. It matters. And yet, wow. Talk about something that's too much like immediately. What comes to mind is we were about to learn something in school. I don't even know what it was, but I was like in my desk with my book open, just, I couldn't wait because I had already read ahead and I loved what we were going to be doing and everyone was looking at me like, what is wrong with you?

Being excited about it.

What is wrong with you?

What is wrong with you?

There's too much was too much under the eye. I was too much.

I was too much.

All the ways I was too much.

All the ways I was too much.

Shame was so helpful to me.

Shame was so helpful to me.

It really shut me down.

It really shut me down.

And that was easier.

And that was easier.

And that protected my tender bits.

I'm not protecting my 10 minutes.

Because because this is important to me.

Because this is important to me.

And I needed to protect it.

I needed to protect it.

Maybe I don't need to protect myself quite the same way.

Maybe I don't need to protect myself quite the same way.

I wonder if there's some upgrades.

I wonder if there's some upgrades.

I'm eager for the upgrades.

I'm eager for the upgrade.

I wonder how I could adapt I.

Wonder how I could adapt and really.

Get to feel what I want to.

Feel and really get to feel how.

I want to feel under the nose. But aren't I supposed to suppress myself?

But aren't I supposed to suppress myself?

They called it self control.

They called it self control.

They said I was a good one.

They said I was a good one.

Look how controlled they are.

Like, how controlled they are.

They had no idea how much I was suppressing.

They had no idea how much I was suppressing.

But I do.

But I do.

And I honor respect where I was and how I felt.

I honor respect where I was and how I felt. Yeah, I. That was good for me. I'm starting a new job tomorrow. And I grew up with this mantra, I should have known. I should know how I should know before I go in how I should behave. And every new company has a different flow and a different culture. And I don't know what the culture is. So I notice I'm a little nervous and I'm putting pressure on myself to know to fit a few people. But I can't know what the day to day flow is or what they expect of people culturally until I get there. And I think that we were often when we were brought up, our parents literally didn't understand how our brains worked. That wasn't something people talked about when most of us were kids. So our parents just assumed our brains were working the same as theirs. And just like, how could this person not know these things when literally our brains were different? They were still evolving. So I think I grew up with this. I should know, I should be able to anticipate to guess what. And because I'm pretty intuitive and I can sometimes intuit things, I put even more pressure on myself. And when I don't immediately fit in, I make it that I'm wrong or bad. And I kind of come down on myself pretty hard on that. So I think that's where we feel like we're not even sure how we're supposed to suppress ourselves yet. We're already trying to pre suppress ourselves.

Talked about uncool emotions and I think that's. As we move into acclimating, I think it's often useful to. To poke in a gentle way at like, what's an emotion? Like the one that matters to you. How okay was it for you to be. To feel that and where was it the most? Not okay, the most uncool, the most unwelcome.

Yeah, you're right. There are like when I was at home with my parents, I was pretty suppressed. When I was at school, I was suppressed in a different way. When I was out riding horses in the woods, I was less suppressed. I was still carried some of it. But. And that's a great question. Like how, where in what areas of your life are you most suppressed?

Yeah. So an uncool emotion can be with peers. Like teenage years. That's often about like what is allowed and what isn't. Yeah, right. But again, it part of this be what matters is that if you have an emotion again, like mine is eager. Do you have one that you want to share?

Courageous.

Courageous. Anyone else? The chat is open if you'd like to share what you're focused on so we can weave that in. Like, if you're around people that are very risk averse, being courageous can be one of those. No, you don't. The tallest poppy gets their head cut off. Right. One person said fearless, strong. These are like, okay, so you're with. You're growing up. Where could you be strong and where couldn't you? Meaning that suppression externally would kick in. You just. Or you just knew from being a zygote. Listen, mom can't deal. She's overwhelmed. I'm coming into an overwhelmed space. Me having like asking or craving for vibration vibrancy like, vibrancy. No, I can't do that. Feeling for when it was acceptable on the spectrum again, like, this isn't just. We're in our primitive brain. It feels very white and black binary. When we're in our consideration, it's like, okay, like someone said strong. Strong willed would not have been okay with my father. So, like, all of a sudden I can feel. And this is the thing that can be hard to notice, but just being with it for 30 seconds, like, oh, dear. If I imagine being courageous in that environment, what happens in my body? Like, my energy? Like, if I was a tank of water, you'd be like, wow, there's a big leak. Big tank of water. And it's dropping fast, right? Like, oh, God, no, I can't do that. I can't be full of strength. And this is. You can just tap and feel, Tap the points. I can't be. I can't be. That wouldn't be safe. I'm not that stupid. I'm not gonna do that. I can drain my energy.

I can drain my energy.

Yeah. I can drain my energy. I don't know how to suppress my vibrancy.

Suppress it all day long.

I can get flaccid. I don't have to be strong.

I don't have to be strong.

I can quiver a little.

I can quiver a little.

I can quiver a lot.

I can quiver a lot.

I can suppress myself.

I can suppress.

I'm not giving that up.

Not giving that up.

I'm not with them anymore.

Not with them anymore.

Acid. I don't have to be strong.

Keeps Acid. I don't have to be strong.

I can quiver a little.

I can quiver a little.

I can quiver a lot.

I can quiver a lot.

I can suppress myself.

I can suppress myself.

I'm not giving that up.

I'm not giving that up.

I'm not with them anymore.

Not with them anymore.

I'm not actually with them anymore.

Not actually with them anymore.

It might be okay for me to be a lot stronger.

It might actually be okay for me.

To be a lot stronger, especially in certain circumstances.

Especially in certain circumstances.

And what if there aren't any uncool emotions anymore? I'm not actually with them anymore.

My actions. What if there aren't any uncool emotions.

Just people that aren't cool with certain emotions?

Just people that aren't cool with certain emotions. I think that's true. I didn't have to really suppress my intellect a lot, but if I was someone asked about anger, like, anger was Just not allowed. And so I was really good at suppressing that. We'll talk a little bit about how you can open up some of these emotions as we go acclimating.

Would you like to. Can we touch on that a little bit more?

That's a good place because it gives. Yeah, it's a good place.

So go ahead.

Okay. So we're talking about suppression is kind of like the shame filled blanket, shut everything down kind of approach. Acclimating is realizing that we have emotions and we have choice. And as adults, it's a lot easier to have choice. And then it's a way to adjust to different circumstances. Certain circumstances, if you're in a funeral, laughing hysterically is probably up. Even if you feel very delighted or entertained by something you're reading tweet while you're waiting for the funeral, probably not the place to really open up everything for your laughter. So there are socially acceptable and kind ways we can deal with things. But I think when we're kids, most of us learned suppression as children and we didn't have a lot of choice. We couldn't say, like, if mom was snapping at us for being boisterous, we couldn't say, I'm going to take the car keys and go to the part we were stuck in that environment with this person who was like snapping. And I don't know about you, but if my mom snapped at me once for something, I didn't take it to mean, oh, she had a headache that day. I took it to mean anytime I feel that I should keep it quiet. So it made a lot of very universal laws and lots of shame. And like, I should have known because she snapped at me versus a more, you know, maybe if they had parenting classes or a little more resource, they'd be like, mom's got a really bad headache today, so we're gonna have to be real quiet. If you wanna go play in the back room, you can, but you have to be still pretty quiet. And then I could have known, oh, this is a one time thing. There wasn't a communication. And I think communication is so important when we're trying to acclimate. I'm a big fan of saying what exactly? Someone says be quiet. Like, maybe I just go and give them some space for a little while, but I wanna later on go, what did that mean to you? That wasn't get that you were stressed and I didn't wanna go into it in the moment, but I need to know what that meant to you. Like, was it me? Neera shouldn't play any music, did it mean no tv? Like we're sharing. If we're sharing a home or space, I need to have a better idea of how to adjust to your needs. And we don't have to do it in the moment. If someone's really mad or lost their temper, we can give them a little time.

So barium when I feel into just knowing the difference and feeling the difference between acclimating and suppressing suppression seems for me to come from a more primal place. It's about protection and safety and values. So for example, if I walk into a place like a funeral and my whole sense of it is that neither laughter nor tears are welcome here. I want and I'm guessing that my. Because I value respect, safety, respect and freedom. So if for the family and those that are the primary people there at the. At this. I'm not even going to call it a celebration of life because it. That doesn't feel like that for me. But it's a funeral, there's a circuit. Because I value safety and respect that would really do a good job turning off the parts of me that might find something celebratory or really deeply moving. I would go and it would feel like my primitive brain is supporting me in what I value. Now if I was in my primitive brain entirely, it would look like I would feel so ashamed. If I break into tears here, I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not cry. I will just. I can't. I couldn't even imagine because I'm using then shame to shut myself down. Not what matters to me to help control my energy. Those to me are profoundly different. I'm going in acclimating to what is true here. And by the way, at my funeral, laughter and tears are welcome. So tell funny stories, at least the one that I would hope that would arise from the people that are dear to me and acclimating. Like Kathy said, it's a. It feels like you're making something that could be a conscious choice. It could click in really quickly. Your auto automatic system say I value this. And so I am changing my energy. Boom. To acclimate to what's here right now, my partner's overwhelmed. Boom. I am quieting my system. That's part of co regulation. I'm going to a place where okay, yeah, that was an overwhelm sound. Or then I was a be quiet. As Kathy said, if somebody says be quiet to me, I want to be able to acclimate. Now it may strike me, it may strike my primitive brain, but I Believe that what I've done in this emotional work and why we're teaching this is that those same circuits which can be shamed into shutting us down can also be like, boom, this matters to me. I'm sharing a we space. And somebody I care about said, be quiet. And I can quiet myself for a moment and then feel what's true for me. As Kathy said, up feels true to give them some space. Acclimation, though, does include to me the. Not always.

Yeah, the choice.

So if I always have to be quiet around someone, I could do that if I really understood and respected. Let's say that they're auditorily sensitive and that anything above a certain vibrancy would be triggering to them in a really profound way. I don't think I could live with that. That would be hard because I'm. I've got a certain amount of boisterousness to me. But the way that the black and white. Like, you never. You should. You have to. Those are signals that there's suppression present. Whereas acclimating would be like, huh, there's mutual respect. There's a sense of negotiation possible. Maybe not right now because there's dysregulation present, but later when we're calmer and things are different, I feel like I could ask for clarification or look for ways that I can be. And my. Whatever that's thought. Go ahead.

Yeah. But I also want to emphasize, if someone's very dysregulated, I'm not usually going to talk to them about it. But I think everyone on this call is more likely to suppress themselves than to kind of push themselves forward. So I want to emphasize if you're in a shared space, it could be, hey, you, don't you want quiet? You go in the car and drive to the park. I'm going to stay here.

I'm going to.

I have my music going. I'm cleaning the house. Like, we don't always have to when we're acclimating. It doesn't always mean we have to give in to that other person's needs. And I imagine I tend to be the one that jumps in and tries to fix everything. And I imagine most people here are going to, try to, like, take care of the other person versus, like, if it's a shared space, I get 50% of the space too. And, like, maybe you need to notice your. Like, what can we do to notice your mood is going to need something and you can take care of. Maybe you can go in the bedroom and put some headphones on and you don't have to hear it.

That's what I meant by that negotiation where there's mutual respect and you're looking for ways to meet each other's needs. And that's exciting to me. If we get there, we won't. I won't go there unless I'm aware that I'm suppressing myself. Because like you said, we can get to a place where our nature as a thoughtful, kind person can be that we just keep saying. And that's why when we take even one emotion that we feel like this one matters to me and I want more of it in my life and. Ah. Okay. Yeah. Immediately when I think about being more this, in this context, like in my living room, I feel the energy of suppression kicking in. Okay. That's where my work is. And that's part of the emotional skill building that we're doing here.

Yeah. Go ahead. And I'll add what I was going to say later.

Yeah. Even though it's complicated.

Even though it is complicated.

And suppression seems so easy by comparison.

Suppression seems so easy by comparison.

I'll just walk on eggshells.

I'll just walk in eggshells.

I just won't speak up.

I just won't speak up.

I will try to clean it up later.

I won't try to clean it up later.

Surprisingly good at that stuff.

I'm surprisingly good at that stuff.

Certain things matter to me.

Certain things matter to me.

They matter to me.

They matter to me.

And I'm not going to give up acclimating.

I'm not going to give up acclimating.

And these matter to me.

And these matter to me.

This emotion matters to me.

This emotion matters to me.

This experience of myself matters to me.

This experience of myself matters to me.

And it's not compatible with everyone.

And it's not compatible with everyone.

Hold on. Matter to me.

And these matter to me.

This emotion matters to me.

This emotion matters to me.

This experience of myself matters to me.

This experience of myself matters to me.

And it's not compatible with everyone.

And it's not compatible with everyone.

Hold on. And it's probably not compatible with anyone all the time.

It's probably not compatible with anyone all the time.

What if that's okay?

What if that's okay?

I can still find a way to experience myself I can still find a way to experience myself as bold or peaceful.

Bold or peaceful.

Fearless or courageous.

What was the first one?

Fearless or courageous?

Fearless or courageous?

Eyebrow. Vibrant and eager.

Vibrant and eager.

Side of the eye. The Whole spectrum.

The whole spectrum.

Including the uncool ones.

Including the uncool ones.

Who decided what's cool and what's uncool?

Who decided what's cool and uncool?

I want a savvy way of being with my emotions.

What? A savvy way of being with my emotions.

Telephone. And even creating the climate.

And even creating the climate.

Yeah. We can be climatologists, right? We can look for. Okay. There's a lot in my climate which is not really compatible, but, you know, there are these parts here where I could have more this, I could have more that I could have more. Just to give you an example, when it not. It's not very often that everyone leaves the house. And so during those times, I've tended to want to experience peacefulness. But, you know, I'm working on eagerness. And today, when everyone was off having a great time and I said, what am I eager for? Go get my iPad and sing that song. And I went upstairs and I got the iPad and I put the song on, and I started playing along. And I didn't have to navigate anyone else because the climate for that period of time included my freedom to feel something that mattered to me. And. Yeah. So acclimating, sing. Inviting the notion of it as a skill, like, ooh. Suppression is sort of a blunt instrument. It's like, oh, I'm gonna suppress myself. Oh, I'm gonna suppress myself. Oh, I'm gonna suppress myself. How can I acclimate a little bit? And I know that when you were navigating, getting together with people, you would look for small steps. You were talking about how being shy and. No. Do you remember what. Like a small acclimation that you made in groups, like an early one that helped you feel more courageous.

Oh, yeah, I would. One. One of my rule. I had several rules that I follow, but one of them was I had to speak to three other people. It could be just for a minute, but I had to. Instead of sitting there quietly, I had to go up and I tried to make it, especially as I got more savvy at this, I would find three other shy people that weren't really speaking to other people, and I had to say something to them. It could be. No, it could be kind of uncool or lame or like, are you having fun? Or whatever. But I had to go up and talk to people and try to dry them out. And then as I got better at it, I started sharing. Like, I don't. I always feel awkward at these when I don't know people. Like, I don't know what to say. And that was a great. When I started sharing my authentic. That was a great conversation to start. Oh, me too. Like, that was almost always the case. And I. There were things that I did that work. I would always.

That's so uncool and so magical.

Yeah, it was magical. But I would also offer to help with the setting up because of that helped me feel more grounded. But there were ways I learned to kind of. I was so shy. Like, I literally would go to parties and not. I would. Like the minute I couldn't look out there without having spoken to anyone. And it was a big process for me to get more outgoing with that. And so I. Please understand. We understand. It's very hard to unsuppress yourself if you've been suppressed. Baby steps. They may not seem like often it feels like you're not getting anywhere. But the exponential curve that happens if you just keep taking those baby steps. Like, someone asked about anger. If you've really been shut down around anger. And that's something I still struggle with. There's. I don't even feel it sometimes. Like, it's not. I'm not. I'm not on the conscious level of suppressing, expressing it. I don't even. Like, I'm like, someone will say, some close friend, like, aren't you angry about that? And I'm like, no. Should I be? So it's still something I'm working on. But when we can notice it, just speaking up a little bit to safe people. We're going to talk a little bit later about situations and who, what, where, when you want to do this. But if you can have safe places where, you know, like, I kind of resent the way you said that to me or I noticed I'm feeling kind of angry at that choice. And I don't feel like you asked me or whatever. Like, just baby steps. You don't have to be yelling and screaming and breaking pots. I know there's a lot of people out there that recommend beating a pillow if you're at that stage. Great. Beat a pillow, get a punching bag. Some throwing ice against a fence and watching it smash can be really fun. But those are for people that are like, they're out further usually than a lot of people here might be. Or just even saying that you're the littlest bit unhappy with something someone did is a huge thing. Saying, I don't really like that. I don't really want that is huge. And I like, there are baby steps. We can take. And we'll do some more work on that as we get into the who, what, where, when, why, how to know when you're safe to do that because it's really challenging sometimes. I didn't cry for nine years because I learned it was unsafe and it was really hard to learn to cry again. But they're all there stored. Those emotions are stored in our bodies and as we can kind of gently help our system see it safe little practices using the muscles that feel really weak. And just like. Even though it feels almost impossible, I'm going to say I don't want to do that or I don't like that. Even if it's just in a very mild tone or going back again often I can't catch it in the moment. But I'll go back and say last week when you said you wanted Thai food, I felt pushed about that. I didn't feel like I had an option because of the tone you used. And I'd really like it if I had options in this. And I Typhoon's great. But I wanted to feel like my choice mattered too. So I'm letting so like we can go back because it doesn't have to be in the moment because a lot of times it's hard to catch it. Especially when we're first building those muscles.

This morning the chat said I had a family member stay with me. And it was so hard. I found that I was suppressing myself a lot, waiting for it to be over. And I asked, what emotion are you wanting more in your world right now? Kind of our step one and ease. So how would I acclimate if I'm wanting more ease and kind of am in a stuck place? Like to me and I'm not speaking for the person if I'm in a place where I feel like I'm just waiting for it to be over? There's a quality of feeling trapped and stuck. Right? Like that's. I'm definitely in my primitive brain if I feel that kind of stuck, trapped. And if I'm wanting more ease, it's like, okay, I feel stuck. I'm really wanting more ease. I'm wanting more ease. That ease really matters to me. I wonder, is there something right now that would feel like it would give me gift me the feeling of ease? Oh, now I went to just like applying a little pressure to the area around the collarbone points just now. That's also comfort. It's kindness. It's compassion. But I found it through the doorway of E ank is a signal. It's a signal that can include a lot of different things. I would say across the human spectrum, anger is our least artful emotion, especially.

For people that we are people attracted to Rick and I.

And if you crank up the anger with somebody, you're inviting a. You're. If you're expressing anger at someone. Just to be clear, I know in my primitive brain that's inviting a fight response in return. Okay. Anger at someone is a threat that the primitive brain picks up on. There is very few contexts and certain select people that can hear I'm angry with you and not actually have their primitive brain go, oh, I think we.

Can teach people to do that as well. And I just want to, because that was from the chat you were talking about the person that was waiting, wanting more, couldn't wait for the people to leave. I'm wondering. I often go into pretend like I'm presenting myself in a certain way. I want them to see me a certain way. And that causes a lot of stress in my body. And so when I felt safe with the people, I've gone up to them and said, hey, I notice I'm feeling a little bit uncomfortable. I think I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself to look like I'm cool or I have it together or whatever that is. So I just want to out myself to you that I'm kind of sometimes a slob and I don't always pick up my dishes at night. And I didn't want to take a shower this morning, but I felt like I had to and it was stressing me out. I'm just kind of outing myself. It's not necessarily about you at all. Because just saying that sometimes can take the stress. Like, I'm a big fan of. With people that you can build. You want to build a relationship with that you feel pretty safe with. There's a, like, what would you do if they weren't there? That's not. That's making you feel more stressed. Because if you. What is that? And then saying, hey, you know what? I'm feeling really like I'm pretending to be someone I'm not. The person that I really am would be have curling up with Netflix and eating a bowl of ice cream tonight as opposed to like saying, yeah, let's go for a hike or let's play cards or whatever. I just want to gel for a while or whatever. So I think that's just really important. Often when we're not at ease, we're pretending for other people, and that's human, but we can call ourselves out and notice, huh? What would I be doing if this person wasn't here? That I could feel more relaxed? And then if that person's safe enough saying that to them and just going back to the anger part, we can train people. I've been doing a lot of radical honesty. I like some of radical honesty. I don't like all of it, but one of the things that I really like is training people that I'm processing my own emotions and it's not necessarily about you. So I can say, I notice I'm feeling anger in my chest and I'm making up a story about the way you said that you think this. Could you confirm or deny? Or I just want to tell you I'm feeling angry right now, and I'm not even sure why. If we start out gently and train people what to expect from us, there's less of that attack. Like, many of us were like, anger is really scary. And I had a lot of trouble when I first started doing radical honesty. Like, one of the people in the group I was in was yelling at me, and I was like, oh, my God. And then I realized that they said, no physical violence. It's going to be okay. And I was like, okay? Like it was. Once I felt it and realized I could survive it, it was a really big aha for me. So just even prick sharing with some ahead of time. Hey, I'm really trying to be more authentic with my emotions, so I'd like to be able to share when I feel resentful or angry with you. Would you be okay with that? Is there a way I can check in that I can make sure you're in a good space? Because I want to be closer to you. And if I'm hiding or pretending, that gets in the way of me being really close to you. So you can kind of preface it and help people understand it and also train them. That you're doing this doesn't necessarily mean they did something wrong. It could be you're making up a story about it or you've had a bad day or your parents did that when this. They were going to leave for a while or whatever. There's a lot of things that are going on in there, but we can build up connections with people so that we can express anger in a healthy way.

And I'd like to. It feels useful to my nervous system to remind myself right now that this emotion that I know matters to me, that I want more of in my life, doesn't actually require someone else's Permission or collaboration in order for me to have more of it in my life. Because there are ways to experience every single emotional state in the absence of another human being. And so if, like Kathy, I know that you've spent thousands of hours on how to communicate in a non violent, non threatening way to build up a level of savvy, which is I want and have learned so much from you around languaging. And you've introduced me to people that have really made a difference in my life, like staying on my side of the fence, for example. And the starting place of that to me is if anger is something I don't actually have a lot of savvy with, but I'm wanting more of something like fearlessness. What does that look like? I'm feeling angry. Maybe I have a story or a clue or direct hurt that somebody else is involved in. But how could I be wisely fearless here for myself? It would take like. And if fearlessness is something that is your thing, you think, look, I'm angry. And what would be fearless that doesn't involve actually like trying to engage that energy with someone else? If we start with the internal empowered, what is it? Okay, it fearless for me is like, oh, I'm really clear, I'm angry. That could be like, oh yeah. That takes a lot of fearlessness to be.

Just being with the emotion in your body is huge.

Yeah. It can be like taking, excusing yourself. Like that can be one of the most fearless acts for someone is like, I am so angry. But instead of like feeling helpless and suppressing myself and turning it back on me, I'm going to excuse myself and.

Say, putting it back on ourselves.

Right. So what does that look like? What's a fearless act? That's a baby step. So this is my theory, this sequence that of know what matters to you and then use that as a focused doorway for the situations and other things that come up in your life.

I love the idea of sharing if you're feeling angry. If you can share in the center, share with people from this group, not that you're. You don't have to share with the person at first that you're angry with.

Exactly.

I do think that if you're not. If you're angry with someone who's very important to your life and you're not sharing with them or building up to doing that, you're probably limiting the relationship. But you can build it doesn't have to. It took me years to get to the point where I could tell someone to their face. I really resent the tone you're using. I imagine it means you think you're better than me or whatever that, whatever that is. And I don't do it with everyone. I do it with some people that I've built up. That really and definitely has deepened the relationship when I've done it.

I happen to believe that when people are regulated, there's a lot more opportunity for that to go in a healing, deepening direction.

Yeah.

And that's part of it for me is like, oh, I'm eager for relief from this anger right now. How could I do that in a way that is, is beneficial to my body? Ooh, I'm if curiosity. There are people that want to be. Feel more curious, like, ooh, I'm curious. I put this intense fire. What do I do with it? And I love watching. Part of acclimating is again having these, this menu of choices and having this build out like of oh, my curiosity has led me to choices that I didn't realize I even had. I'm asking people. Kathy, we're at a place where a. Yeah, we're going to take a seven minute break here and if you're watching the recording.

Yeah. We're going to talk about more skills and do some tapping on how to unsuppress yourself some more.

Yeah. All right. You're watching the recording. We invite you to take a break too. Welcome back. We so appreciate your presence and your emotional engagement. This is work. Even acknowledging the way that we suppress ourselves and then noticing how other people might be suppressing themselves changes the climate, changes the emotional world. When I understood this more deeply, it changed the way I parented it changed the way I friend people. There's a vibe to suppression in our inside of ourselves. There's a look that comes across someone's face when shame hits. And maybe it's a little easier when someone self shames and they do something that is. I saw this at work when I worked for someone. I had a couple of people on the team that if they made a mistake, what you would notice is that they would suppress even a totally legit explanation for it. Rather than defend themselves or even explain themselves, they would shut down and they would work twice as hard to the point where, you know, one of them even left the company because they burnt themselves out. Right. Even with your own company, you can do that to yourself too. Someone mentioned an unkind thing that a doctor said about being dysregulated. When I've worked with people in the medical profession and they we go back in Time to where their humanity seemed to be suppressed. By humanity, I mean natural emotions that we would feel in the presence of death, in the presence of somebody who's suffering. Empathy, compassion, understanding, kindness, respect for someone's own choices about how they want to live their life. Those things are part of, if you look at the curriculum that medical professionals go through, it is part of the curriculum to put them in altered states where those get crushed out of them, suppressed in to death.

48 hour shifts and person after person, 80 hour shifts.

Moving on, move on. No, no time to process, no time to grieve. And so like if you feel a deep feeling for someone, it takes a little while for your system to process this. Not poetic enough. Like, if I feel profound connection to somebody who is suffering, I might feel that and re. And remember it and pray about it. And like, there's a natural way that each of us, it's not all the same, will be with certain emotional states and suppression can come about. Like, no, I didn't get to feel. We are going into. How do you stop suppressing yourself? And one of the awarenesses is, for example, again, I'm using my own. If I am eager, but my eagerness exceeds someone else's so that they feel like I am overeager, there's a repulsion energy that I feel. So if I'm like, yay, let's go to the park and there's like, no, I don't want to go to the park or what, why go to the parks? What's so good about the park? Like, I will suppress my natural eagerness to avoid that drop. Okay. And understanding for yourself intimately. Oh, when I allow myself to feel this feeling. Someone talked about vitality. Like, oh, I boost my vitality. But then I go out and I walk and I feel painful and I have a susceptibility that when I go do something that I really enjoy doing, but then there's like physical pain afterwards. Oh, I beat the, I beat the shit out of myself. I don't want to beat the shit out of myself anymore. So I'm going to just keep my vitality down. You're suppressing it to avoid it. And so part of what we can do together in circle is to say, oh, when I feel this, I'm actually susceptible to losing it or having it shut down or being criticized, including by myself, including my inner mother. I hear their voice saying, whatever. These are things that are part of this six week process or seven session process so that we get to a place where we can be resilient with it. And part of that is like, how do you stop Kathy, what do you. We talked about tapping on the feelings. What are some other things that help us?

I think just starting with a lot of people or someone shared in chat, and I think it's true, they don't want to dive into, whether it's shame or anger or grief because it feels like a bottomless pit. And if I do this all the time, humans do this. We think everything will be as hard today, hard forever as it is today. And that's not the case. So if we've never worked out, going to the gym and lifting a small weight may feel impossible. And each time we lift it, our brain is going, this is so hard. It's not going to be worth it. It's never going to get easier. And then the next week we're lifting a little bit heavier weight and we're like, oh, it's always going to be this hard. It's going to be, this is not worth it. I'm never going to get where I want to go. But we're making progress. And just if we can remind ourselves that this is just a story our brain says because it's scared. And then we actually can get better at processing these emotions as we unsuppress ourselves, we can get better at expressing our joys and our angers and our grief and our like. All the emotions get like. As we start unstopping this, as we just process this little bit, it may seem like it's the hardest thing you've ever done just to take a baby step. But as you take that step, there's a little bit of like, oh, wait, the world didn't fall apart. And that's why one of the things we encourage you to do is when you're doing this is start with someone that places people situations where it's safe to do this, whether it's with a coach. Rick and I both love working with people there. A group call, putting it in the center, finding someone I used to find. For many years, I was tapping with people that I met through Rick's group. We'd get. We had our Friday night dates. We were all single at the time. There were five of us and we'd get together every Friday night for two hours and take turns very awkwardly leading each other through tapping. So that was a lot of fun. But finding people where you can baby step, suppress or unsuppress and like saying, wow, I'm really mad at someone and I need to practice. We're not talking Gossip venting is one thing, but like, Rick, I'm really mad at this person because they, when they said this is what I think they mean. I need to tell you about it and practice how I'm going to talk to them and maybe do some tapping on it. So, like, as we get better, it really is exponential. It's like the furnaces in our system. If we're burning up anger at first, we're just putting on little toothpicks and we're like, oh, the fire might go out. Oh, no. And then after, over time, we're throwing on bigger logs and then whole trees, and then we can clear it. So I think that if we can remember, one of the biggest things I would encourage you to remember is we always think it's going to be this hard forever, and it isn't. When we first drove, it was probably scary if you can remember, like, oh, my God, I got to watch everything. And now half the time we're zoned out, like, our subconscious is doing all the watching for us. We may be driving very safely, but we're not consciously telling our brain to look at all those things. It just happens. So I think that's a really big, big part of this is knowing I can take this in baby steps. And even though it feels like it's not worth it, it is worth it. And I can start with people, places and situations. Like, I don't have to talk when my spouse is blowing up and completely dysregulated or my friend is losing it. That's not the time to do it. But I can go back a week later and say, hey, can we talk about that time? Or an angry boss that never calms down is not the person to practice with necessarily so. Or.

And just to be clear, the. Because suppression is so expensive, we often will go, I just, I need to be more fearless with this person who's actually on the spectrum, the least safe person in my life to be fearless with. And how. What do we do with that? One of the things we do with tapping is we use the analytical part of our brain for intuitive people. It may not make. It doesn't feel like it's using that, but just asking the question, like, okay, where might it be safe. Ish. For me to feel fearless or eager or peaceful, right? And imagine a place that's in your world, like you can get to it, right? And where is it? So if you write that down and 0 to 10, how safe does it feel to be that emotion that matters to you in that place? And if you're thinking like home. You might even tune it a little bit more. Your bedroom or your bedroom, your workshop, your living room, your kitchen. Now it can be helpful to go like, okay, where would it really be unwise for me to be that?

At least right now, Maybe later it might be okay.

Yeah. And there are definitely, I think that there are places. There are places like to be eager. Like walking into the police station does not feel like for me the place. Right. Like, I'm hungry. Hi guys. I can't wait to be here. So the trail was surprisingly like a six because like a part of me is like, oh, if I'm eager on the trail, maybe I'm going to be moving at a pace that's a little fast for me. Still, I can be eager at a 6i and we're playing around with it. So you can, if you build out a map for yourself, for example, it is okay for me to be eager at my computer doing my work. What does that actually look like? Well, it means that I'm kind of leaning into what is here. Oh, there's an email from someone, right. And I lean into it. That's as subtle. So you get an idea of what it would look like to be that sometimes you may jump to something. Like my brain goes, if you're at your computer and you're eager, there'll be nothing. You'll just jump into everything and there won't be any. Like, there's sort of this. And I'm like, that's actually not the experience I want. That's not what matters to me.

Find it more like, more mindfully eager.

Eager to me is not a 9 year old boy's eager. Except for which goes to the. Like we, we talked about where and we talked about what it would look like and who. Like, I know that my 9 year old is naturally in the spectrum of things. His eagerness is far more vast than anything I could imagine. Like, and so it's also why I've suppressed some because like his, if you give him a little bit of eagerness, he responds with the amplified version of it. But you know, there are places like, oh, we're at the playground.

Can be as eager as that.

Okay. And you know what? This playground is amazing. It's got this climbing wall thing and even Adira can do it. So like, can I be eager with Emerald at the East Asheville Library playground? I can be, I can, I can ramp it up another level. Okay, how about in the car when I'm driving in traffic? Eagerness looks like an eagerness for presence and awareness and resilience to whatever else is going on so that I can be with the responsible task of driving people I love or driving around other humans. And this is. As you build out this ecosystem of what it means for you to have this experience, you'll feel far less suppressed if there are some people that are focusing on anger. And to me, if anger is what you want to experience, like, okay, where in my home, in my world do I imagine feeling angry and what would that look like? And who is safe? Ish. Who is not right.

One of the things I found really helpful is I learned I've. I had a coach that I'm working with help me on. I got he. We actually turned the camera around so he could watch me on the treadmill and I would get on and I would steam my anger while I walked. I would walk and feel my anger. I couldn't do it at first myself, but I did it like three or four times with him like at 5, 3, 5 minute section during the session. And then I could get on the treadmill and steam. So like you may not be able to do it immediately by yourself, but if you get a little support, you can condition your body. So like if I'm feeling angry, that's actually a good place for me. I can get on the treadmill and walk and just like be present with myself and like let I imagine like it's this anger is steaming off of me. So realize even if something feels uncomfortable now, but if you logically know it's safe, getting some support to help you anchor that so that you can actually take those baby steps could be really good. Almost like PT for anger physical therapy. So. And one of the things I love, Rick's idea of writing it down, writing down places and noticing how safe do I feel to express? Like, I think it might even be good to. How logically safe do I think it is and how emotionally safe do I think it is? Because if they're very different in numbers, you might. That might be a really good clue in something going on. Like intellectually this seems quite safe, but emotionally I'm feeling like it's not safe. And remember that a lot of our patterns were formed before when we were three and younger. If they don't make sense, if they're illogical, those are often where we have a lot of energy stuck because they happen when we're little and we can't think our way out of them. So doing a little tapping either on one of these calls or on the Scent on one of Rick's group calls or for yourself. Like, if you can untwist whatever's. Maybe, you know, they don't have to be logical. Maybe mom yelled at you when you were playing the flute. So every time and. But you happen to be on this particular bench, and every time you sit on a bench, you feel unsafe. Whatever. It's often not logical. So if you can compare the. Like, how logically, intellectually safe do I feel versus how emotionally safe do I feel? And if there's a big difference in those, maybe that's that, you know, there's something going on subconsciously there.

Yeah. And this is where we tap. Right. Like suppressing yourself. If we're going to stop suppressing ourselves, this is. As Kathy noted, there's a part of me knows that I could be more this. In this circumstance, it would look like this. And maybe there's a person there, maybe there aren't. Maybe there's a group that I trust and maybe there isn't. But there's a gap. If we're suppressing ourselves, there is a gap, and that's what we want to bring up. I am not trying to make it so that people are oblivious. Like, that's not my intention. Emotional freedom, I think, includes a deep awareness that there are people that can't handle X, Y, and Z. And I'm aware of it, but that doesn't stop me from finding ways and places where I can feel even more of myself. Okay. Side of the hand. And even though there's a volunteer, too, I'm not sure we'll have time, but thank you.

We always appreciate volunteers.

Yeah. Even though there's a gap.

Even though there's a gap.

I'm guessing I'm suppressing myself I'm guessing.

I'm suppressing myself because it feels like.

I could be more right there.

Feels like it could be more right there.

But a part of me is not convinced.

Part of me is not convinced.

Part of me is not convinced.

Part of me, I'm not convinced.

Eyebrow feels a little scary.

That's really scary.

Side of the eye feels really scary.

Feels really scary.

What would be a little scary?

What would feel a little scary?

What's appropriately fearless?

What's appropriately fearless, Jen?

What would be nourishing to me anyway?

What would be nourishing to me anyway?

Can I let myself turn up the volume just a bit?

Can I let myself turn up the volume just a little bit?

Under the arm? I'm open to a place and a time when I can have more of this experience.

I'm open to a place and a time where I can have more of this experience.

It matters to me.

It matters to me.

Eyebrow. It matters to me to feel that.

It matters to me to feel that.

It's a part of who I am.

It's a part of who I am.

Yeah. It's not all of who I am.

It's not all of who I am.

And I want more of that experience.

And I want more of that experience.

And I really want more of that experience.

I really want more of that experience.

Come on. I want more and say what is true for you.

I want more courage.

I want more eagerness in the arm. And I bet there are ways to craft this.

I bet there are ways to craft this.

But I haven't even considered.

But I haven't even considered. I love. One of the things I've loved about this journey for myself is as I've released, I've found suppressed parts of myself and reclaim them. One, I feel healthier and better. I have more energy. Because suppressing yourself takes a lot of energy. It's an old beach ball underwater kind of thing. It's emotionally and energetically taxing on the body. And I also just feel more alive. So the more parts of me that were suppressed, I was kind of like, life is kind of dull and I'm just going through the motions and, oh, I guess this is all there is to. Huh. Wow. I like just sitting on the bench, watching the birds eat breakfast. Like, I'm very happy here. So reclaiming those parts of you you suppressed and realize it's a helix, often there's levels that are suppressed into the subconscious. We may not even realize there's parts of us suppressed. There's. But as we lighten the load in the conscious area and build the muscles to expressing ourselves, those others, the subconscious things float to the surface. And then we start finding them, and then we just, we. There's room for the awareness of them. There's energy to deal with it. And we start getting so good at it that our system's like, yeah, that used to be impossible, but now I bet we can do it. So realize that the changes you make, every little baby step you take, every time you do a little bit of like, well, I don't know if I can say anything, but I'm going to risk it. And like, it makes a difference in your world. It makes your life more alive and more juicy and passionate. And people start noticing who you are. They're like, oh, there's something there to Connect with. And I really love that like the kind of people I've met and engaged with are the kind of people I wanted in my life. And I wasn't finding them before that they just couldn't see me because I was so like they're piles of concrete on top and they couldn't. There's like I don't know if anyone's there. So I really, I love the fact that each of you here doing this work, you're changing your world in a really powerful way. And even if you don't see it right now, every tiny little step you make right now, even if it doesn't seem to make a difference, it's building those muscles, it's teaching your nervous system that everything isn't going to fall apart. If you tell someone I'm a little bit mad or I'm a little bit eager, I'm a little bit courageous today I want to try. Whatever you want to do each time, it's giving your nervous system some proof that things are different now and that you can face this. And it lets you just. Each time gets a little bit easier and sometimes we don't notice incremental changes, but they do. They will open your life in amazing ways. So the work you're doing right now is creating a really nice now but it's going to help make your future awesome and full of energy and life and vitality. So I'm really. I love the courage that brings each of you here. And Rick, I love the topic. I'm so glad you thought of it.

Thank you. Our emotional world is certainly a deeply intimate experience. And the things that matter to us or the things that we feel in our core part of who we are, whether they've been suppressed or not, there are things that matter that we can just by giving a little attention to cultivating it for a period of time. What I know is that when we take something that's really does matter to us and we build some energy with does act as a doorway into the stuff that happens in our life. It allows us an emotional tuning as a human being. We are emotional states. And for example, eager is my thing. I would not say at this point that I am eager very often, but I'm using it. I'm using my desire to focus on eagerness and I'm noticing. So the day around 3 o', clock, two hours before the workshop, the kitchen is the result of having a birthday cake, a delayed birthday cake made for the nine year old for that event that they went to. It was moms and their kids all getting together, and there was a birthday cake and things, and they had no time energy to clean up. And so there's stuff everywhere. And I was eager. I tried to say, what am I eager for? Trying to move toward the kitchen. And the thing was, I am totally eager to close my eyes and know I don't actually have to make anything. And I sat there and I giggled a little bit, like, nobody can make me, not even me. And then it was like, I'm eager for some movement. And so I put on some music, and I put on my apron, the simpleton chef apron. And I was. And then I got eager to see what. How long, how quickly I could get things cleaned up. And it was like, whoa, this was really fast. And then I was like, after the workshop, it would be really nice to have something in the instant pot and to have something that I know that my family really likes. And I quickly put some stuff in, and then I was eager to have some. Some sweet potatoes, fries cooked in the oil from this morning. So I went from eager to eager. And there was pauses in there where it was like, okay. And here's the thing. My partner has reflected to me that my energy in the kitchen has changed. I haven't said a whole lot about how I'm trying internally to use eagerness to go from yes to yes. But not only did she make a cake, she made a pear crisp tonight after they got home, because the energetics in the kitchen are different. Not only did she not have to clean up, which was a gift. I like being generous and of service in that way, but there was something about the vibe in the kitchen and with me that I know makes it easier for other people to feel a bit more eager. If we can walk into a room as a empath and feel like, oh, damn, there's a lot of anger here, pheromones of suppressed feelings. If we can feel that, can't we also walk into a space and feel like somebody's in what matters to them? Somebody's in what matters to them. What? Why? What matters to me. And I. I know that it's been good for her to have that chance to craft. And the kids, they went and started doing art together, like they're crafty. I am not saying that I made all the difference there, because I can't know for sure what would have happened if I hadn't been applying this. That matters to me. But I see in our community that when we do even practice it a little so imperfectly, awkwardly, even, that the skill of having emotional capacity to be that, to be in that place that matters to us. So even though it's been just a month now, I feel like eagerness is something that isn't so far away and so suppressed. And if whatever you're working on still feels far away and suppressed, take the smallest steps, micro steps. And how might I feel a bit more this right now? What would that. How much that look internally in me if I'm free. So thank you, Kathy. Thank you all. Bye for now.

Just wonderful people.

Bye.