Know What Matters to You...

Know what matters to you. To me, the essence of emotional freedom is having a sense of what really matters to me in my core and having enough freedom to be able to feel those things as a part of my life experience. To me, across the whole palette of different emotions, there are certain ones that really speak to me and there are ones that I know are embodied in. As I look around the workshop, I see people and I know that they embody certain emotional states that aren't necessarily the ones that are core to me. But together, when we support each other in knowing what matters and getting a chance to express that, to me, that's the essence of emotional freedom. I was talking to my partner, Jem, and we were saying that when you know the things that matter, and as you look at the arc of your day and of your week, you get a chance to be in that state. Not perfectly. Just like sometimes we drive and we get stuck in traffic or even the car starts slipping on the ice, or we get even a little lost. But if you're a, let's say you know, inside of you, that being generous is good for you. If you get no opportunity to be generous, that something inside of you is not getting expressed if you're somebody who is bold, like, bold is not one of my emotional states. But it was really cool to get people who said, the one that I really want to feel is bold. Now if three months from now bold, but not bold, like my Uncle Bob does. Bold explain. But it's like, if I know I want to be calm and confident rather than perfect, then my inner critic doesn't have the same kind of go to as it did before. And it gave me something that I could tap on very specifically, too. So my why and the one I'm inviting for our circle and our group here, our focus group here, is if emotional freedom matters to you and there's something essence in you that you would like to express more, that if you really owned it more deeply and completely, that it would contribute and enhance your thriving. That's one of the intentions for landing on. It may be that you land on something and it refines. That's perfectly cool. It may be that you have two things that go together. It may be that you decide to do this a bit differently. I eager, which is my practice for this period of time. I'm eager, which tonight means profoundly curious where we're going to go together as a group, the group of us. So what question comes up for you? Or what noise comes up for you? Hearing me say that, feeling the invitation Is there a contraction, disconnection or openness? What? Coming up for you. The chat is open and I'm going to go look at my outline. So one person asked. I want to know more about how the inner critic quiets once you have more clarity on what matters to you. Someone says, I have a hard time figuring out one or two things. I can think of. Seven. How do I tune into one? Great. We're going to be doing that. The big issue for me is feeling pressured to feel larger feelings than I actually feel. Which is great because that's the next thing we're going to. Thank you. So many years of doing inner work. Does it ever stop? It feels like disconnection confusion for me. And the noise is. I really don't know. It changes all the time. So integrating those for a moment. I am the type of person that resists landing on one. So if you want to do a tapping with me, we could try something here. Even though this seems hard and confusing in certain ways, I'm open to clarity about one thing. One emotion that matters to me right now in my life matters to me. It's not about them. Even though my thoughts tend to go right to the negative, it's okay for me to stop and drop in here. My emotions matter to me. You have a soundtrack vibrations of my life and I want to have more savvy with them and express the things that matter. Top of the head. But it's so confusing. Eyebrow. Maybe it's clarity that I want. Side of the eye. It feels like disconnection to me. Under the eye. Am I asking for more connection or more solitude? Under the nose. But it changes all the time. Chin. Good. And it's okay for me to pick one I want to experience regularly. Hold on. Does the inner work ever stop? Maybe I'm asking to feel content with who I am and what I feel right now. Top of the head. Don't I have to be super duper ecstatically joyful? Eyebrow. What if what is right for me? Side of the eye. Doesn't have to be a big large feeling under the eye. I get to decide what it is under the nose. And there's good news. Chin. There's no wrong answer. It's okay for me to get savvy with an emotion. Thank you. Take a breath. So I want to read what someone shared. Thank you. What seems to happen is a never ending buffet of things I want to change. I land on one thing and for a few hours that seems like it would be the thing that will make the Biggest difference. It would solve most things. And then over the course of a few hours, it's a different thing that becomes the thing that will make everything better for me. This ever revolving list of things goes on incessantly. So I was looking at my daughter, who's 2, and she's down at the bottom of the stairs and I'm up on the second floor and it's open stairwell. And it struck me that because there are 16 steps, she can actually get to the second floor. Even though she's not really savvy yet with steps or life as a whole, she can take small steps. And to me, I know that reading these words, every single one of those essential qualities that you want to have, any one of them could be picked and say this is the thing. Because in that moment it would provide what? Replenishment, encouragement, relief. It could provide all kinds of different things. So at any given point in the day, if you asked me, is being eager going to solve the thing? And if I'm sitting there with blocked from work, if I said, yeah, if I can tune into my eagerness, that's going to get me moving and that'll make this better to me. The baby step of giving yourself a I am going to drop in. Not exclusively, but I am going to touch base with my body, mind and spirit around this emotional state because it happens to be one of the rainbow of ones. And not about fixing anything. It's about expressing a part of me and that part of me feels like it is ripe and ready and wanting to be expressed. That to me isn't is the whole landscape. If you're mapping it out every time you change, it goes on a card of look, this matters to me. And if you have seven of them, yeah, all of these matter. And I am not trying to use this to fix my life. What I am doing is honoring. And again, why you do it, that's up to you to determine. I know Jem decided over the holidays that her focus word we were doing this thriving in the coming year and I mentioned it to her and very privately she decided that savoring it's something like whether it's food or experiences or people or anything like that really is a core part of who she is. And I can tell you that her having that as the touch point to come back to changed our holiday. It definitely changed the holidays for her. And so does it fix anything? I don't view the emotional world as broken. I'm choosing to say there's a part of me that as a young child Was eager about life experiences and that was get. Is. Has gotten suppressed, unexercised, earnest, competent. I was practicing those. Those are good and useful. I need, I want to part. Have them part of my life. But by tuning to eager, I can use that to change everything. Going to the grocery store with Adira, I can go there as a task that I'm very competent at. I have my list. I know where the things are. I can get her out of the car, get her in a cart, whatever. But if I'm eager as a. I'm really like, ooh, I'm guessing we're going to see something that's going to really. I wonder what's going to catch her eye. I wonder what this experience is going to be like. It's not a big. Yeah. But just by saying I wonder what I could be eager about. As soon as we walked in, she. She points to the birthday, the, to the balloons and she's just got this glow on her face. If I hadn't tuned to eagerness, I could have turned to curiosity. I could have turned to playfulness. I could have tuned any of those would have worked to change my relationship with going to the grocery store. But by tuning to something that really matters to me, that I'm working on, meaning working with. It's an energy. It is. It changed the experience someone shared. I love the feeling of contentment and that feels like one for me. Yeah, contentment can be a relief. It can also be that, like, for very Yang oriented people that are really about reducing and putting out there, contentment can be like savoring. For some other people, it's I, I wonder or yeah, I feel the pushing. I'm wondering, could I feel contentment here for a minute or two? And there's more. So someone said this is a little hard to express, but I would like to feel the emotions that I was never allowed to feel. The forbidden emotions. For example, anger. This does not mean it's a favorite emotion. It just means I want to be able to feel the whole range of feelings. Yes. So there's a part if what I'm hearing is. And this is for you to try on. Okay, so anger was forbidden. So that kind of, to me, a forbidden emotion begs the question, am I feeling. Is it an emotion that is actually part of my makeup now? Anger is a pretty primal emotion. So there are people that. That part of their primal nature has been suppressed. And so being able to explore, okay, where do I feel this in my body? How. What are a dozen ways that anger I Can be with my anger in a way that enhances my clarity, my oomph, my. We did a workshop on turning anger into oomph. That's one pathway. But there's so many ways to be with our anger. What does it activate, like, exploring anger? There are. I have had clients that actually anger is not part of their energetic makeup. It's. If you had an instrument and it didn't have the anger octave, there's nothing wrong with the instrument. It just doesn't have that octave. Where they may land is a kind of activation, that passion, for example. Right. So, like, they just don't experience anger, but they may experience a kind of passion fire. Like the fire. Like we think of those. Fire of anger. Fire of passion. But maybe their passion was suppress. You need to quiet down. There's. Or you're not going to make a difference in the world or whatever it is. Yeah. I know people that were never allowed to grieve that have done this process where it's like, okay, I want to understand what grieving authentically looks like. Every time you change, it goes on a card of, look, this matters to me. And if you have seven of them, yeah, all of these matters. And I am not trying to use this to fix my life. What I am doing is honoring. And again, why you do it, that's up to you to determine. I. I know Jem decided over the holidays that her focus word we were doing this thriving in the coming year. And I mentioned it to her, and very privately, she decided that savoring it's something like whether it's food or experiences or people or anything, that really is a core part of who she is. And I can tell you that her having that as the touch point to come back to changed our holiday. It definitely changed the holidays for her. And so does it fix anything? I don't view the emotional world as broken. I'm choosing to say there's a part of me that as a young child was eager about life experiences and that is. Has gotten suppressed, unexercised, earnest, competent. I was practicing those. Those are good and useful. I need. I want to have them part of my life. But by tuning to eager, I can use that to change everything. Going to the grocery store with Adira, I can go there as a task that I'm very competent at. I have my list. I know where the things are. I can get her out of the car, get her in a cart, whatever. But if I'm eager as a. I'm really like, ooh, I'm guessing We're going to see something that's going to really. I wonder what's going to catch her eye. I wonder what this experience is going to be like. It's not a big. Yeah, but just by saying, I wonder what I could be eager about. As soon as we walked in, she. She points to the birthday, the. To the balloons, and she's just got this glow on her face. If I hadn't tuned to eagerness, I could have turned to curiosity, I could have turned to playfulness. I could have tuned any of those. Would have worked to change my relationship with going to the grocery store. But by tuning to something that really matters to me, that I'm working on, meaning working with. It's an energy. It is. It changed the experience someone shared. I love the feeling of content and that feels like one for me. Yeah, contentment can be a relief. It can also be that, like, for very young oriented people that are really about producing and putting out there, contentment can be like savoring. For some other people, it's I wonder or yeah, I feel the pushing. I'm wondering, could I feel contentment here for a minute or two? And there's more. So someone said, this is a little hard to express, but I would like to have permission to feel the emotions that I was never allowed to feel. The forbidden emotions. For example, anger. This does not mean it's a favorite emotion. It just means I want to be able to feel the whole range of feelings. Yes. So there's a part if what I'm hearing is. And this is for you to try on. Okay. So anger was forbidden. So that kind of, to me, a forbidden emotion begs the question, am I feeling. Is it an emotion that is actually part of my makeup? Now, anger is a pretty primal emotion. So there are people that. That part of their primal nature has been suppressed. And so being able to explore, okay, where do I feel this in my body? How. What are a dozen ways that anger. I can be with my anger in a way that enhances my clarity, my oomph, my. We did a workshop on turning anger into oomph. That's one pathway. But there's so many ways to be with our anger. What does it activate, like exploring anger? There are. I have had clients that actually anger is not part of their energetic makeup. It's. If you had an instrument and it didn't have the anger octave, there's nothing wrong with the instrument. It just doesn't have that octave. Where they may land is a kind of activation, that passion, for example. Right. So like they just don't experience anger, but they may experience a kind of passion. Fire. Like the fire. Like we think of those. Fire of anger. Fire of passion. But maybe their passion was suppress. You need to quiet down. There's. Or you're not going to make a difference in the world or whatever it is. Yeah. I know people that were never allowed to grieve that have done this process where it's like, okay, I want to understand what grieving authentically looks like to me. I've had people say, grieving to me is actually going out in the forest, stripping naked and just clawing at the ground. And I've had people say that. When I see people processing their grief in that way, it's not me and it's not like it's clear. That's just not their way. So you can pick an emotion like grief, and the invitation is going to be for you to get to a place where you can articulate at least to yourself. Grieving has these tones to me. There's the awe. I miss them. There's the wow, there's a hole and I'm needing to tend to. Or there's a great regret. Again, like, I am not suggesting that. I am suggesting that the full range, the full palette of emotions are on the table here. So if. So we're not. If someone asked if you're from a family that was comfortable expressing anger, how to fit oneself into this workshop, I'm not sure what. At what point you joined, but we're exploring what's an emotion that matters to you? You may have anger. Just. Yeah, we never had a problem with it. It's not something. The part of me which can get angry, I'm not suppressed. I own that. That there's. That. That's a range that I can do. There's this other part of me. Maybe it's something else. Okay. Anything that comes up for people. I know some people have landed on something. So someone said, I want to ride out my anxiety by sitting with a. I'm tired of fearing it, even though it is hard. What would you call that? Emotional state of being? I've got some words that I put to that. Okay, if I'm actually riding out my anxiety with. Without the fear that I'm used to, what would you call that state? What's your word for it? The next thing I wanted to touch on. I. So we've covered. Like, this is a very deeply personal decision to me. There are no wrong choices. That's the acceptance that we're bringing to this We've been exploring some emotional options. I wanted to talk about the personal part of the personal decision. I had a client who said, let me get the words right. Oh, I feel like I need to be more joy. Joyful. The first keywords there for me are need to. And I said, what's up with that? It says that I don't smile enough. It can be really tempting to land and appreciate in some of the dialogues that I've had by email with some of you that it's joyful. I'd be doing that for someone else. That's not actually what matters to me right now. Again, bringing it back to the intimate. If you've landed on something or two or three things, see if you can tune into. Yeah, yeah, people should stop telling other people they don't smile. Are you shitting on me? That's always mine. If you pause, let's pause here and try on. If you have a couple of choices or you have one that you're trying on, there's the trying on in your head. If you're in a place where you can speak it aloud, you might try and see how it feels in your throat. Eager. And notice what happens in your heart, in your gut. Eager, fearless, joyful, appreciative, whatever it is for you. Peaceful, content with myself. Vibrant, wise, fearlessness, balanced, adventurous, bold, carefree. I've shared some other words that any of those. And again, like, for people that like emotional freedom, chances are a lot of these are like, ooh, ooh, yes. Oh, I want that one. We're feeling for the one. One that is, you've got some sense, hopefully not required, but a sense in your core that, yes, you're getting a body. Yes. Even if there's lots of noise and if you're, if you landed on something like never depressed, that's not actually a state of being. It's like saying, I'm never going to go to Antarctica. Okay. Yeah. Upbeat. Now, if you have a problem with a challenge with being depressed, the step could be that what is upbeat, what you're called to be. Like, for example, if I'm depressed and the beat is the upbeat might be I'm still like a little down, but you could play with that. So I'm not saying that upbeat is too far, but this is something that, that I've noticed as I've explored with, with our community. Sometimes their energy could be really well served by something like presence. Like I get in my head. Oh, okay. So what I want to practice is how could I be present with this how can I be. There's a difference to me between upbeat and uplifted. Neither is. It's a very personal thing and it's not just a word. There's an app and I've mentioned it before, it's called how we Feel Just in the there are four quadrants. They ask you to pick whether you're low energy pleasant or low energy unpleasant. High energy pleasant High energy unpleasant. Just in the low what they call low energy pleasant. There's two dozen choices. Calm, Good Relaxed Mellow Carefree, tranquil, peaceful, comfortable, Chill Compassionate understanding Supported supportive Content Grateful Blessed. If you're looking for possibilities to explore that app if you're I think it's on both iPhone and Android. Tuned in so like when oh I'm the type of person I want to be, I sense in me that this is true for me that I want to be tuned in. That's one that I practice. I call it's drop in and tune to which is tuned in two steps for me. So let's take that as an example. You can look at every transition that that you go into as oh, as I arrive at my home, I want to tune to what the energy is. As I walk into the house, I want to tune to the energy. Just be attuned like what's the vibe? As I go from place to place, as I meet a person, as I leave, I tune into the we space, home, the energy, the weather tuned in and make that oh, I'm a tuned in person. How does that feel to you? Does that still feel good to you as I describe it and if it means something different, please describe it if you'd like. It'd be good to have to never have to worry about getting depressed. Imagine if you had an app on your phone that permanently prevented you from falling into a slump. Yeah, interesting. Probably within a generation people will be getting implants into their brains that might block the in the same way that you didn't. You can take an 88 key keyboard and snip the wires and now you don't have an octave and you're only playing the other octaves. I depression to me is like happy. They're really broad and so for example, if you wanted to explore the kind of low how you are when your energy is low, that could be like low energy and present like you could be present with your feelings And I think most of the time when I've when someone says that they are depressed when I've gone into what are you? What are. What's some more Specific ways that you could like disengaged is sort of a kind of depression. Apathetic, helpless, exhausted, lonely, isolated, burned out, glum, alienated, excluded, disconnected, lost, insecure, trapped, despondent, hopeless. Despair. Depressed is one of the options there. Morose. I do think that the value in thriving and being emotionally free is to honor that. If I am generally morose. That's the word that like oh God, hold on a second. I need to see what that one sad and gloomy is their definition. If I'm really pretty morose, what would be a state that feels true in my core? Like that's where I'm singing or that's where my vibe is. What's a vibration that I could go to that is actually true for me too that even when I'm morose I've worked with like you're in that kind of down energy state. But it's very. It's you actually feel blessed. Maybe you don't practice it, maybe you don't savor it, maybe you don't get to spend much time feeling that. But it's a core part of who you are. I have a friend that like that they struggle with the lower energy modes but their go to the one that they practice most is feeling blessed and that that helps them in every way as a parent and as a human. But without the worry and slumps, you can accomplish so many amazing things. So what's an emotion that is a good look for you, one that you. You just know that would be worthwhile to spend three months attuned to that that would help you feel more yourself and the things that you did from that place would feel more true. For example, if somebody is trying to accomplish something and they're morose. My word of the day. When they accomplish it, they are not going to feel amazing. It could be that if they're really. If they can go from morose to they've got some competence that I'm pract. I'm just practicing an awareness of my competence, my humanity and I do this thing. It may feel like competence to me can feel amazing. If I'm morose, I'm not going to feel amazing even if I did exactly the same thing. That's part of the theory of thriving is that your state of being is the way that we're human beings, we experience life through our state of being. So someone who wanted to be present and they're going to be exploring that could go deeply into what presence is. What are the practices that enhanced presence? Mindfulness. There's oh, hundreds of books, podcasts, and everything else on mindfulness. I started reading some articles and quotes and other things on eager. Some of them, like, don't fit me and others are like, oh, okay, that adds to my repertoire, my. My capacity. How about focused but not activated, not taken over by focus. And I'm not sure what you mean and what your experience of that is, but where. If you're drawn like, I'm a focused person, I know that about me. There's a I want to refine it so, like, you can know that you capable of focus, but you want to refine it and refining anything. Like, you take a ton of or and you refine it down and refine it down and you're left with something very different, like generosity. I always knew that I was a generous person, but by focusing on generosity for a period of time, I looked at how does it. There's a I want to refine it so, like, you can know that you capable of focus, but you want to refine it and refining anything. Like, you take a ton of ore and you refine it down and refine it down and you're left with something very different, like generosity. I always knew that I was a generous person, but by focusing on generosity for a period of time, I looked at how does it apply to doing acts around the house? How does it apply with friendship? How does it apply with my work? How does it apply with how I structure things? What does it actually do for me? Where do I feel it? How do I notice when I'm not. That does apply to doing acts around the house. How does it apply with friendship? How does it apply with my work? How does it apply with how I structure things? What does it actually do for me? Where do I feel it? How do I notice when I'm not that that's one of the things that I'm excited about there too, is that you can take something that you want to revisit. Carol look's going to be revisiting gratitude in February with her community. It's one of the things that I'm excited about there too, is that you can take something that you want to revisit. Carol's going to be revisiting gratitude in February with her community. If you want to be appreciating or appreciative. That's why I want to do seven, seven visits on this. Is that as you go deeper in it, oh, what's. When I'm focused, how could it be more delicious? How could it be something that nourishes and supports my thriving. More gratitude is what I focus on, someone said. And to me, if my day doesn't have something, I'll say this. There's not have been a day of my life where there wasn't something to appreciate. But it doesn't mean that for big swaths of time I was so wrapped up in worry that I wasn't experiencing myself as an appreciator, as an appreciative and appreciating person. And so if that's where you are, where I'm an appreciator, but I don't actually do it, I don't actually feel it. I, I don't actually get the experience of doing that. To me, that makes it ripe here again, that's your choice. So we're going to take a quick seven break here and then we'll see where it goes. I'd like you to take 10 to yourself. If it's time for you to exit, please feel free. We will have the recording and I'd love some shares in the chat either during the break or after about what's coming up for you so that we can help craft together this focus group. Welcome back. So if you are listening to the recording, I do invite you to have taken a short break to kind of let things integrate. See what questions you have rising. For me, the question that I, I need to have an answer for. Need to as in it feels essential. It's essential for me to have answers as to why I'm going to do this work. Any change in my behavior, I find it helpful to have the grounding. So I'm going to do this exercise on my card. As you consider what this emotion that you'd like to enhance, have experience, have some savvy with, I really can get to that place of being with some art. And when the things that come up that block me and or used to really suppress me, I've got those that are shifting. I'm becoming more clear. I can focus in my energy for that experience. If you had that emotional experience as a regular thing in your life, what would that do for you? Why go to this effort? Why show up here to do this three months from now? Imagine that I really, I can feel that. I can feel it. I know it now more vividly inside of me. That's a part of my world. It's mine. What would that do for you, Sam? So someone said 2 years ago I would not have chosen Fearless, but after making a huge move that was nowhere near what I had imagined it would Be. And two months after that, spending five weeks in the hospital with COVID I feel contracted and afraid to get out in the world again. And knowing this person, being out in the world, feeling the beauty of nature and the like feels. And so you and I, we tried on fearless and I had a deer that wise fearlessness, feel free to, if it's helpful to you to modify this with a word that ideally is not a not word. Nevermind. Wise fearlessness going together might be a really good fit. Where there's fearless, your primitive brain goes, oh, that's not actually who we are. But to me, like the embodiment of wise fearlessness is, look, I know what matters to me. This matters to me. I've evaluated the risk and I am using my clarity to take action rather from my knowing and my oomph than from my fear. That's one way of defining it. Yeah. Love life and living fully is important that fearless. And the beautiful thing about this work is that you start to develop much more nuance and range to go out into the world and just feel the beauty of nature without some kind of force dragging you down. That would be amazing. And so if you're exploring, oh, okay. Starting with going out in the world and feeling the beauty of nature. So that's a state of. You could call that a state of being, an emotional state of being. I am in nature and I am feeling for its beauty. I am noticing, I'm smelling, I'm looking, I am listening, I am maybe tasting. I am using my sensors, I'm feeling my connection to the earth. All of that can be being in nature, the beauty of nature. Now there's always a force dragging us down, like gravity, to use the physics one. And I'm not making light of it. Our next workshop is going to be what suppresses you. And this is so common. The things that are really meaningful for us if we're not experiencing them pretty regularly, my guess is that they've been suppressed, that you have blocks of beliefs in other things which act as a suppressor on those feelings. Anger is a kind of obvious one. People's anger is often suppressed by others. It's scary. It is. It's noisy, it's disrespectful. It's a lot of things. Well, we're going to be exploring like the energy of anger and how to be with that so that it actually gives me a fire for life, for example. That could be a why for someone. I want to have more fire for my life. And I feel like I'm Knowing that energy, emotional state of anger. No, I'm not going to express it the way my drunken dad did, but I'm going to. I'm going to be with that feeling. Some people might call that feeling the beauty of nature, as I want to be present with things that activate my. My. My sense of beauty. So is that a. I don't know if there's one word that describes that, but to me that's an emotional state. Yeah. Yeah. In the. One of my. One of the things that I'm trying to do is a lot of times if you'd asked me before I had any emotional skill, like, how do you want to feel? I don't want to worry all the time. I'm tired of feeling stressed. Like, that would be my answer. It would be a not. It's what I didn't want. That would be so big and hairy and ugly and smelly and putrid right in my face. That. That's all I could say. And that's one of the advantages of groups and coaching is that, okay, you don't want to feel that right there with you. What would you call the feeling that is not that. Because there are hundreds of different, like, vibes that you could have that are not like worried and anxious. What's one that you'd like to get the. To practice that. If you're still on the note, continue to look for the. A companion clear. Oh, yes. That is. That is something that is not anxious or. And it's also something that is very clear in and of itself, like playful. My inner experience of being playful doesn't mean necessarily that I'm rolling around on the floor. It could be. But I have the experience. If I'm playful, there's a little different smile. Like, I'm already. I'm feeling playful. Right. My laugh changes. I'm aware of that. And just by inviting. Oh, and for some playful. Be like, damn it, I never got to play as a child and I'm actually a really playful person. Ah, there's a. There's that first ah of I didn't get to do that. There may be feelings that come with that. But the. And the movement is ah. Playful is what's drawing me. It is an. It is something that I am. I will turn to somebody else and say if they say I want to be more playful. Do you feel like a. Is there an inner playful person in you? No. Okay. What does feel true? I'm not. I enjoy people being playful. Oh, so you're an enjoyer. Yeah. Ah, you feel the difference there, and that's you may not land on exactly what's right for you, but part of diversity, especially neurodiversity, especially emotional sensor diversity, which we haven't even. Which culturally we haven't even. We. There's some talk about empaths and highly sensitive people but if you take someone who's highly sensitive person, wow. There is such a spectrum of sensory aspects. There are people that really are the ones that can take in beauty but they're not going to necessarily put it out again as poetry or art. But their essential quality is I take it in. I take it in and I feel it. And if you've ever been somebody that has created a work of art, it's often in my experience the person that to me that's an exquisite quality in the ecosystem. The person who can take in beauty even if they can't articulate it back. And so caring. Yeah. And as you tune into caring and you imagine yourself walking in the world where if there's a, if there's a situation that you ask yourself like oh, what would be caring here? And including yourself in that. So caring includes the me space and the we space to me energetically. Now somebody who really needs. Wants to attune to self caring that like adding the word self caring would change it for somebody that's a mom or dad or like if somebody works in a team in a business. Applying caring is different than if you're in the process of writing something in solitude. For example, being comfortable with my own anger would mean that I would feel identify when it arose and then I'd be able to begin to develop skills in using and handing, handling it as harmlessly as possible. That's a pretty substantial ask. Yeah. Good. I love substantial asks. I'm right there. I. Whatever you're really wanting to go into. I'm. This matters to me. This is my 30 year mission. This is like emotional freedom for all. Says we start with something that matters to you and we develop all the different ways so that you can really know that for yourself and experience it to be what matters to you. Yeah, my blood pressure would be lower. That's a why I encourage, encourage continuing to stack those. So my blood pressure would be lower. If my blood pressure was lower, I would feel more of a movement toward wellbeing. Oh yeah. There would be a movement toward physical well being that my inner pressures would be more balanced and there would be whatever you get the sense of it. Feeling content would allow me to be myself, be present in the moment, more connected and emotionally available in my relationships, I'd be able to help more people in my business and be visible, receive more, help myself and feel more fulfilled. Yeah, I'd also have the abundance and freedom I desire. Isn't it interesting that when we tune to like content, look at the cascade effect. And this is where all those other things start finding their way into our thriving experience. We focus on the one and it holograms out into our whole emotional ecosystem. I keep coming back to calm and confident, but it feels like it's not my words because of how it's used so commonly here. But that's what I keep arriving back at. So if I had more consistent access to and more skill with calm confidence, my sense of being grounded and unflappable and more resourceful, less inclined to be negatively affected by others views and opinions. So in your description there, for example, grounded or unflappable, resourceful, that feeling of being resourced, if I'm feeling depleted, it's hard for me to be calm and confident. So I can go through the door of I'm. I am choosing the feeling of resourced to focus on what resources me? Oh, this resources me. And when I do this, I feel more resourced. And when I do this, my resource goes down. So I want to understand what grieving authentically looks like to me. I've had people say grieving to me is actually going out in the forest, stripping naked and just clawing at the ground. And I've had people say that. When I see people processing their grief in that way, it's not me and it's not like it's clear. That's just not their way. So you can pick an emotion like grief and the invitation is gonna be for you to get to a place where you can articulate at least to yourself. Grieving has these tones to me. There's the aw, I miss them. There's the wow, if I have, if I'm gonna be doing that, I know that to feel more resourced, I'm gonna choose from these other things. So if calm and confident is the state of being, but it's not the doorway that's right for you, now you can take all the work done on being calm and confident and if you just take one sliver of it first, wow, you could really go into what does it mean to be resource for me? What how do I want to use There's a hole and I'm needing to tend to or there's my resource. Oh, it takes resource to calm. Okay. It takes resource to Confident. Yeah. So you're using calm confidence. If you've got any of that, you've practiced a great regret. Again, like. I am not suggesting that. I am suggesting that the full range, the full palette of emotions are on the table here. So if so we're not. If someone asked if you're from a family that was comfortable expressing anger how to fit oneself into this workshop. I'm not sure what. And you're layering something else on it. Eager for me. If I didn't have calm and confidence. At what point you joined. But we're exploring what's an emotion that matters to you as a foundation would not be ripe. Unflappable. So there's. Ooh, you may have anger. Just. Yeah. We never had a problem with it. It's not something the part of quality of okay, what flaps me. Okay, that flaps me. Am I going to change how I am with that? So you could take what flaps me and the intention is unflappable. If I was really designed not to be unflappable in a neutral way, but like me, which can get angry. I'm not suppressed. I own that. That there's. That that's a range that I can do. There's this other part of me. Maybe it's something else to have a kind of skill with my energy that I. It would okay anything that comes up for people. I know some people have landed on some things. So someone said I want to ride out my anxiety by sitting with it. I'm tired of fearing it. Even though it is hard. What would you call that Emotional state of being. Take really quite something to flap me. And I already have a big dose of that. Most people don't look at me and say wow, he is so flappable. But I'm wanting to take it to the next internal level, not just the level that other people might perceive. So playful. I love playful too. I think I used to be a lot more playful years and years ago. I think I enjoyed it but I have suppressed it. I. I love working with playful. It is so suppressed. I've got some words that I put to that. Okay. If I'm actually riding out my anxiety with probably if I wasn't working on eager and that was really my guidance. Playful. You think you're with your 2 year old. Why aren't you. Am I playful? Yeah. I have a playful nature. And where does it get suppressed? It gets suppressed when I feel like I have to be on the on guard. Right. Or I have to be parenting. So that's where I start getting flapped. My playfulness gets suppressed and I'm like, oh, no, be careful there. Blah, blah, blah. You know, like, that's one of the things. So without the fear that I'm used to, what would you call that state? What's your word for it? The next thing I wanted to touch on, I. So we've covered, like, this is a very deeply personal decision to me. There are no wrong choices. That's the acceptance that we're bringing to this. We've been explo. I can apply eagerness. Oh, Adira and I are going to the playground exploring some emotional options. I wanted to talk about the personal part of the personal decision. I had a client who said, let me get the words right. Oh, I feel like I need to be more joy. Joyful. I could like, oh, I want to be playful at the playground. But e. The first keywords there for me are need to. And I said, what's up with that? It says that I don't smile enough. Eric can be like, I wonder what her body is going to be interested in and the dance of other people. And I approached it with eagerness. And then she did something that really wasn't playful. She did the monkey bars at 2. Now, she didn't go all the way across. It can be really tempting to land and appreciate in some of the dialogues that I've had by email with some of you that it's joyful. I'd be doing that for someone else. That's not actually what matters to me right now. Again, bringing it back to the intimate. If you've landed on something or two or three things, see if you can tune into. Yeah, but she held herself and she could lift. She could hold herself for 30 seconds or so. And just she looked so proud. And just because I was eager, I was open to noticing something like that. Again, you can go into this, go into it with playful. There's so much freedom in this. Take in beauty. Yeah. People should stop telling other people and can take in beauty. Yes. Without a weight tied to your leg. I if, if my experience is that when I take in beauty, there's also noise, I still can practice the emotion of. To me, an emotion is energy in motion. It's. It hits my sensors in a certain way. Way. So if I'm taking in beauty and there's a very loud motorcycle going by, it is not the same experience as if I'm like pausing and I see someone else smiling. Are you shitting on me? That's always mine. If you pa. Let's Pause here and try on if you have a couple of choices or you have one that you're trying on, there's the trying on in your head. If you're in a place where you can speak it aloud you might try and see how it feels in your throat eager and notice what happens in your heart. One's background picture is a sunrise or sunset and I can take in that beauty even though I have other things that I'm engaged with. I said in one of the letters in your gut eager, fearless, joyful, appreciative whatever it is for you peaceful, content with myself, vibrant. There's I have clients that are dying but they know it they don't know how long and they want to feel like they can still feel something like take in beauty even though there's a lot of other things physical pain or logistics or regrets or other things also coming up I believe that the things that are that we're talking about here can be done not in denial of other things that are going on in our lives and then the life wise fearlessness, balanced, adventurous of other people it's an experience that we can still have access to and if you have doubts and noise carefree I've shared some other words that any of those and again like it's coming up about that we're going to address that Circle calls are a great place for this people that are joining this program are also getting a circle membership so that you can attend the open circles they're not recorded so people feel freer usually to for people that like emotional freedom chances are a lot of these are like ooh ooh yes. Oh I want that one we're feeling for the one that share what's alive for them. This is again a devotion of mine not just for me personally but to have a kind of circle where we can is you've got some sense hopefully not required but a sense in your core that yes you're getting a body. Yes. Even if there's lots of and practice taking in beauty and if it's like what blocks us what noise comes up what beliefs act to suppress us and then the clever and creative parts of how could I weave this into and if you're if you landed on something like never depressed that's not actually a state of being it's like saying to my day my moments someone said my smiles would be more frequent and I also like easily adaptable so some people the I'm never going to go to Antarctica. Okay yeah upbeat now if you have a problem with A challenge with being. There's an emotional experience of being adaptable. It's a slightly different vibe from being flexible. There's a vibe of being responsive from like, to me pressed. The step could be me. The vibe of being responsive is I can hear a request that what is upbeat? What you're called to be like. For example, if I'm depressed and the beat is the upbeat might be. Or be aware of it. And I can choose my response in a way that is true and right for me. And also being responsive to the other person. So still like a little down, but you could play with that. So I'm not saying that upbeat is too far, but this is something that I've noticed as I've explored with responsive is a practice. I'm never going to go to Antarctica. Okay. Yeah. Upbeat. Now, if you have a problem with a challenge with being depressed, the step could be that what is upbeat? What you're called to be like. For example, if I'm depressed and the beat is the upbeat might be. Okay. Any closing thoughts? Find the schedule of calls. If you're with our community, sometimes their energy could be really well served by something like presence. Like I get in my head. Oh, okay. So what I want to practice is how could I be present with this? How can I be. If you just signed up for this workshop, you'll need to become a circle member. That's on a gliding. I'm still like a little down, but you could play with that. So I'm not saying that upbeat is too far, but this is something that. That I've noticed as I've explored with scale. You can go to thrivingnow.com circle there are scholarships available, full and partial. If that's where you are in your life. Yeah, sweetheart. Boundless joy. I would call that like one of those. The. There's a difference to me between upbeat and uplifted. Neither is. It's a very personal thing. And it's not just a word. There's an app and I've met flavor blends. And that's what I. What we talk about with calm and confident. To me, that's a single. That is an emotional state. We're gonna be. We're gonna be exploring because suppression often hits because we're trying to keep like people suppress their anger and get really good at it because they don't want to go into rage at. Into a violent act, into a state of being where they're printed it before. It's called how we feel. Just in the. There are four quadrants. They ask you to pick whether you're low energy pleasant or low energy unpleasant. High energy pleasant high energy limited brain has taken over and is just running roughshod over things that matter to them and people that matter to them and so they suppress the anger. Same way with eagerness. Eagerness is not always consensual. I got my own coaching session from someone around that so unpleasant just in the low what they call low energy pleasant there's two dozen choices Calm good relaxed, mellow, carefree tranquil yeah suppression yeah thank you for putting that link the member homepage Peaceful comfortable chill compassionate, thriving now.com member that takes you to that has the schedule further down as well as the courses. So anything else for anyone? Yeah if you know you're a circle member Understanding, supported, supportive content grateful Remember you can get to that course link that's there and Also the email supportrivingnow.com for follow up questions feedback of a private nature. You're welcome. If you're looking for possibilities to explore that app if you're I think it's on both iPhone and Android Tuned in so like when oh I'm the type of person I want to be I sense in me that this is true for me that I want to be I am actually my eagerness is deep and profound desire to to know that we as humans amidst everything that's going on can build a real skill to know that something matters some expression of us matters to us and as blocked as it is or as unsupported tuned in in other parts of other compartments of our world that we can craft a way to get that's one that I practice I call it's drop in and tune to which is tuned in two steps for me whether or with support so that we get to experience that part of us I call that our heartstring it is what makes us unique. So let's take that as an example. You can look at every transition and every one of these word terms for each of us is going to be a unique that you go into as oh as I arrive at my home I want a peak emotional experience that I know that tuned to what the energy is As I walk into the house I want to tune to the energy just be attuned like what's the vibe As I go from place to place as I meet a person runs along has all these different amplitudes of from as I leave I tune into the we space, the home, the energy, the weather tuned in and make that ecstatically ecstatic level all the way down to that wisp that you can get that just feels so right in the quiet moments too. Inboxes open and we continue. Thank you all. Bless you. Appreciate you. Bye for now. Oh, I'm a tuned in person. How does that feel to you? Does that still feel good to you as I describe it and if it means something different, please describe it if you'd like. It'd be good to have to never have to worry about getting depressed. Imagine if you had an app on your phone that permanently prevented you from falling into a slump. Yeah interesting. Probably within a generation people will be getting implants into their brains that might block the in the same way that you deaden. You can take an 88 key keyboard and snip the wires and now you don't have an octave and you're only playing the other octaves. I Depression to me is like happy. They're really broad and so for example if you wanted to explore the kind of low how you are when your energy is low that could be like low energy and present like you could be present with your feelings and I think most of the time when I've. When someone says that they are depressed when I've gone into what are you. What are. What's some more specific ways that you could like disengaged is sort of a kind of depression. Apathetic, helpless, exhausted, lonely, isolated, burned out, glum, alienated, excluded, disconnected, lost, insecure, trapped, despondent, hopeless. Despair. Depressed is one of the options there. Morose. I do think that the value in thriving and being emotionally free is to honor that. If I am generally morose. That's the word that like oh God, hold on a second. I need to see what that one sad and gloomy is their definition. If I'm really pretty morose, what would be a state that feels true in my core? Like that's where I'm singing or that's where my vibe is. What's a vibration that I could go to. That is actually true for me too that even when I'm morose I've worked with you're in that kind of down energy state but it's very. It's you actually feel blessed. Maybe you don't practice it, maybe you don't savor it, maybe you don't get to spend much time feeling that but it's a core part of who you are. I have a friend that like that they struggle with the lower energy modes but their go to the one that they practice most is feeling blessed and that that helps them in every way as a parent and as a human, but without the worry and slumps. You can accomplish so many amazing things. So what's an emotion that is a good look for you, one that you've. You just know that would be worthwhile to spend three months attuned to that, that would help you feel more yourself and the things that you did from that place would feel more true. For example, if somebody is trying to accomplish something and they're morose, my word of the day, when they accomplish it, they are not going to feel amazing. It could be that if they're really. If they can go from morose to they've got some competence that I'm pract. I'm just practicing an awareness of my competence, my humanity, and I do this thing, it may feel like competence to me can feel amazing. If I'm morose, I'm not going to feel amazing even if I did exactly the same thing. That's part of the theory of thriving, is that your state of being is the way that we're human beings, we experience life through our state of. So someone who wanted to be present and they're gonna be exploring that could go deeply into what presence is. What are the practices that enhance presence? Mindfulness. There's, oh, hundreds of books, podcasts and everything else on mindfulness. I started reading some articles and quotes and other things on eager. Some of them like, don't fit me and others are like, oh, okay, that's adds to my repertoire. My, my capacity. How about focused but not activated, not taken over by focus. And I'm not sure what you mean and what your experience of that is, but here's where if you're drawn like, I'm a focused person. I know that about me. There's a. I want to refine it so like you can know that you capable of focus, but you want to refine it. And refining anything. Like, you take a ton of ore and you refine it down and refine it down and you're left with something very different, like generosity. I always knew that I was a generous person, but by.