07 - Family Shackles Part 2 Mom

So we're digging a little deeper into the family shackles, that cultural soup you grew up in where you kind of were immersed in guilt and shame around money. And it's so pervasive that it's very hard to identify sometimes. And we're gonna help you pick that apart a little bit because it may be so constant to you, just like a fish in water that you're not even aware that it's there. And I still benefit from hearing other people tap because I'm like, oh, I don't have a problem. And then I'm listening, I'm like, oh, I do that too. So we're not even aware. So when we start looking at this, we encourage you to have a pen and paper in front of you so you can jot down ideas because sometimes they're very fleeting, especially when our subconscious is saying it might not be perfectly safe to look at that. So jot them down and do a little tapping afterwards on them.

This idea of guilt and shame, it's interesting how many people feel like that doesn't apply to them and yet remember that guilt and shame are a symptom of a control, a way that we were being disempowered or manipulated or suppressed or had a shackle put on. So I'll give you an example. So let's say that in a traditional family, dad made the money, mom spent it. Where does that come from? Right. And when mom went to dad for some extra money, how did he react? Especially if it was something that was for her benefit, Something like self care. I really need a massage. My shoulders hurt. Don't you know how hard I'm working just to pay for this family? Don't you know? Okay, so what is going on there? The energetic is that she having to draw her abundance through him. And he, for whatever reason is using guilt and shame to try to say, hey, you don't deserve this. This is not something that you've earned. We talked and tapped on that last time. Right. And so those kinds of dynamics, if you feel guilty asking someone for something that's a shackle and it probably comes from this kind of dynamic.

Well, it's a lot easier for mom if Johnny doesn't ask for stuff all the time. And three year olds ask for stuff.

All the time, all the time. And that's not an unhealthy thing to ask. What the dynamic can be is quite different. Hey, I love that you have a very well developed asker that can't come to you right now. It's not available it doesn't feel like a yes for me. There's a difference between you're a bad person, you're so selfish. Tap, tap, tap. What's coming up and what we're going to do here is invite you to look at each of your parents or primary caregivers separately. Because in any kind of situation, if there is any power imbalance or power over, there is someone who is feeling more disempowered than another. Right. And that can see saw back and forth.

Yes. And if you were raised by a single parent, realize that your single parent was probably reacting to either their beliefs, the other side of that teeter totter, or to the apps, the, the, your father, your ex, you know, my ex husband. There's a reaction. So there is another side. Even if that wasn't physically present, it was energetically present.

That's right. Okay, so let's take mom or mom, surrogate mom, and imagine that she has her wallet out. What's the look on her face?

My mom. It's anxiety.

Yeah. Worry. And remember that we have in our brain amazing features. And one of those is mirror neurons. And mirror neurons for a 2 year old lets you feel what someone else is feeling. You're actually able to almost feel what it's like to hold this powerful thing, a wallet, a purse in your hands. Also to make an association. Oh, this is something to be really worried about, stressed about. So we can use inner tapping here. Right. Would you like to lead us in tapping for this? For mom. Right. Mom with her purse. And this can be a bill. If that's more potent for you, you may do some separate tapping. Come back through this and do it for each of the things that you're. Your mom was associating with money in a way that feels like a shackle.

Yeah. So when imagine yourself and you can just make a picture for a visual person. I'm very visual. So when I think of this, I think of being in the grocery store in that little cart in the front of the cart you can put your little legs through and there's groceries in the back and she's worried about. You can see the stress on her face. So I'm gonna go back. Let's go back in time. Picture whatever you see your younger self and your mom. And if you can freeze frame that picture. I like to imagine a big remote with a big red button in the front, just like a TV remote. You click it and it freeze frames everything except the younger you and the adult you. And you can bring Rick and I back with you, too, if you like. Yes. So the first thing I'm gonna do is tap on my younger self because she's really concerned. She loves her mom so much and she hates that. She's so worried. She kind of feels guilty because she asked for extra cereal, the ones with the little prizes in it, and she's worried that she did this. So there can be lots of reasons. So I'm going to imagine tapping on her, that little girl, very gently while I tap on myself physically. Now, this is a really powerful technique. It can be a little confusing when you first do it, but it's beautiful. Take a nice deep breath and tap on that younger self as you tap on yourself now. Hey, sweetheart.

Hey, sweetheart.

I get that you're worried.

I get that you're worried.

You're not sure what's going on.

You're not sure what's going on, but.

You'Re pretty sure something's not right.

You're pretty sure something's not right.

You're not sure it's not your fault.

And you're not sure it's not your fault.

What if it's not okay?

What if it's not okay?

What if mom gets too worried?

What if mom gets too worried?

I want to let you know that it's really going to be okay.

I want to let you know that it's really going to be okay.

I came back from the future I.

Came back from the future to let.

You know some really interesting things.

To let you know some really interesting things.

Top of that. Mom has some old shackles.

Mom has some old shackles.

Eyebrows. She doesn't even realize she has them.

She doesn't even realize she has them.

She thinks she's supposed to worry about money.

Yeah, she's convinced that she needs to worry about money.

Under the eye. Or there won't be enough.

Or there won't be enough.

Under the nose. And she hasn't learned to deal with money as a friend.

She's definitely not learned how to deal with money as a friend.

Jen. She's pretty sure it's gonna abandon her.

She'S pretty sure it's going to abandon her collarbone.

But I want to let you know.

But I want to let you know.

I mean, your money can be really delicious.

Money can be really yummy.

Top of the don't eat it.

Don't eat it.

Eyebrow. But it's there to help us.

It is there to help us.

Side of the eye. And it likes to be around people that enjoy it.

And it likes to be around people.

Who enjoy it under the eye. Mom doesn't enjoy money.

No, mom doesn't enjoy money under the nose.

It makes her really worried.

Makes her really worried.

It makes her tummy hurt.

It makes her tummy hurt.

Collarbone. And I want to let you know.

I and I want to let you.

Know under the arm. You don't have to worry that way.

You don't have to worry that way.

Top of the head. You can relax and make smart decisions.

You can relax and make smart decisions.

And I love you very much.

And I love you very much.

So take a nice deep breath.

And I'll buy the cereal for you.

I'll buy the cereal for you. So if your younger self feels really relaxed, wonderful. If not, take her back through that tapping or just spend a few minutes with her tapping or him. But now I'd like to take that little. My little one feels like, oh, really? There's another way. It's not that all the worry is gone, but there's something there. There's a different way of looking at this, and there's hope, and that alone is powerful, that there's a hope and a possibility of something different.

The new energy of money is that worry is one way to approach the relationship. Right. And you. And for my mother, she worried about money, and she worried about me, and she worried about my brother because that was part of her way of being engaged with something. Now, what I found with tapping is that worry is noisy. It's like trying to sing a song with people banging out of tune. Yeah, right. It takes a lot of focus, and even just to get the song out and remember the words is painful. It's hard. It is hard work. Now, if I tap on the feelings of anxiety in my body, and that's what we're going to do with mom now is we're going to tune into where did she hold her worry, her anxiety, her stress, her conflict, her mixed emotions about wanting to do the best for her children, but also just not knowing where the line was drawn and all of that. Where does she feel it in her body? We know. If this takes you some time, press pause and really tune in.

This is important.

This is important because this was so core to our relationship. If you can let go of that internalized sense of this is how a person needs to be around things that they care about. Worry. You can sing your song without having to have all that noise. You can engage with money without worrying about it. Feel the difference. I'm engaged with the money flow in my life. I'm aware of It. I'm aware of its influx and its outflux and the way that it rides waves, especially as a self employed person.

Yes.

Right.

When you make such better decisions about money too, if money feels like something that's horrible, it causes conflict. You don't know how to feel better about it. It's literally like having a wallet full of snakes.

Yeah.

You don't. Poisonous snakes. Yeah, you're welcome. It's not.

We've triggered half our audience.

The thing is, if you don't want to deal with something you don't believe, you can figure out how to do it. You don't feel like it's consistent and beautiful. You can't budget because you can't even get your brain to think about it. Your brain freezes when it thinks about it. So you can get really stuck really quick. So that's how I felt. Like my mom couldn't. It's not that we, you know, we did have. We didn't have a lot of money when I was little.

Right.

But there wasn't a feeling like anybody could make a good decision about it either because they couldn't ever ground themselves and say, what do we need to do? Like, what is necessary? What isn't necessary? There wasn't a decision about it. It was like always just constant anxiety and they were doing their best, but. But it wasn't always a very thought out process. So imagine your mom and I see my mom kind of in front of the cart just worried, with her wallet open, frozen there, but not harmed, just frozen. And you can either tap on your mom yourself or I'm gonna have my little one tap on her because that will help anchor the part of me that got frozen all that time back then in that anxiety and like, oh, what do I do? You can have your little one tap if she feels like it. So I'm gonna have my little one tap on my mom, but you can have your. You can tap on her in your mind as well and tap on your physical self now. So karate tap. Hey, mom.

Hey, mom.

I'm sorry you're so scared.

I'm sorry you're so scared.

I know this doesn't feel good.

I know this doesn't feel good.

And I know you learned this from other people.

And I know you learned this from other people.

Nobody really taught you how to deal this, do this better.

No one really taught you how to do this better.

And I appreciate how hard you've tried.

And I appreciate how hard you tried.

You tried to take care of all of us.

You Tried to take care of all of us.

And you did the best you could.

You really did the best you could.

Top of that. Thank you for loving us that much.

Thank you for loving us this much.

Eyebrow. And I want you to know and.

I want you to know, side of.

The eye, money is actually okay money.

Is actually okay under the eye.

It's not going to try to run.

Away it's not going to try to.

Run away under the nose. Especially if you can be calm and present with it.

Especially if you can be calm and present with it.

Tin. It wants to help us.

It wants to help us.

Colorbone. It has really good energy in it.

It can have really good energy in it.

Under the arm. Look at all this great food it.

Bought us look at all this great food it brought us.

On top of that. Including the extra cereal.

Including the extra cereal.

Ira, let's really enjoy this let's really enjoy this side of the eye. It is abundant it is abundant under the eye. And I really love you.

And I really love you.

Under the nose. It's okay to take a nice, deep.

Breath it's okay to take a nice, deep breath, Mom.

And have a different relationship with money.

And have a very different relationship with money.

Collarbone. It's okay to relax when you open.

Up your wallet it's okay to relax when you open up your wallet under.

The arm and know that you're getting really delicious food for your family and.

Know that you're really getting really delicious food for your family.

Top of the head. You're doing a good job taking care.

Of us you're doing a good job taking care of us now.

And take a nice, deep breath. Now. For some of you, it may have been hard to say that, and it may not be that you really appreciate your mom that way. I know my mom was trying her very best. If your mom was really acting out towards you, it may have been, you're welcome to change the words, go back and play that again. Be honest. If you really hated her, it's okay to say I really hate you. When we're tapping, whatever is true is good to say, and it's not going to cause anything bad to happen to anyone or have lightning strike you or whatever.

Again, we're engaging not with the high spiritual aspects of the relationship that we have here, because I think those come naturally. There's a lot of wonderful spiritual energy out there about how she was doing her best, you know, and it's wonderful when you're there, right when we say that. Those. Those core energies. I'VE had three year olds. There are time when. Times when they've hated where I am as a father, whether putting them to bed at 8, at their bedtime, how could I? What a horrible man you are. And if I were tapping with my children, I would want them, if they felt that hate within themselves, I would want them to be able to honor that and not try to suppress it and say, well, dad was trying to do the best that he could. I was. Yet in our core, a lot gets picked up and the shackles are about primal kinds of energies. So we're giving permission and a bit of encouragement that it's safe to honor that while knowing that that doesn't eliminate your other awarenesses. Your compassionate and kind heart are not going to be crushed by that. You may feel anger, resentment, other things, because frankly, the way that we were raised had a big effect. It has a big effect still. And we really appreciate that you're joining with us to look at it, to take that energy and shift it, shift it in a way for your little self that's still living happily within you and still wants things and still wants to be. To know that everything's going to be okay. And the part of you that is mothering yourself. I have an inner mother and sometimes she gets really worried. I've internalized and using tapping in this way reaches that aspect of ourself and helps transform the energy beautifully. And our next recording, what we're going to do is we're going to go to dad and that'll be different.

Yes.

Thanks.

Keep up the great work.