10 - Shame

Shame about money. Where we are. Where we're not.

Who we are.

Who we are. Ooh. I'm going to encourage you as you listen to this. You can tap, while you're listening to just tapping the points or just pick.

A point that really helps.

Pick a point. Collarbone. First, I want to start off with the shackle that says we don't talk about money, we don't share with other people in terms of where we are, where we actually are.

That's such a shame thing. Shame says there's something wrong about me versus guilt, which is I did something wrong. And shame flourishes in places where we don't talk about things. It flourishes in dark closets. And we don't tend to talk about things we feel shameful about.

So let's start off with tapping around needing to keep our finances secret, even from ourselves sometimes. Yeah. So if you think about talking honestly with a trusted advisor, a trusted friend with total transparency, total transparency about where you are, what comes up in your body, what rule does that break? And for a lot of people, you don't talk about money if you don't have enough, because that's shameful. And you don't talk about money if you have more than others, because that's shameful.

You don't talk about if it's kind of messy. You don't know where things are.

Right. And we believe that you can have privacy, but if you can't even fantasize about having a conversation that's fully transparent with someone, that's how you identify a shackle. That's there. So let's just do some tapping, and then we're going to continue with this particular subject. Great job. Even though they told me never to talk about how much money I have.

Even though they told me to never talk about how much money I have.

And definitely not about how much I don't have.

And definitely not about how much I don't have.

Or my debts.

Or my debts.

Or how much I make each year.

Or how much I make each year.

You're not allowed to do that.

You're not allowed to do that.

Who came up with that rule?

Who came up with that rule?

And is that one that really serves me?

And is that one that really serves me?

I don't talk about money.

I don't talk about money.

Eyebrow. They didn't talk about money.

They didn't talk about money.

Side of the eye. There was so much shame about talking about money.

There was so much shame about talking about money.

I feel that in my body I.

Feel that in my body.

Under the nose. Right there.

Right there.

Don't talk about your money.

Don't talk about your money.

Don't talk about your money.

Don't talk about your money.

Don't talk about your lack of money.

Don't talk about your lack of money.

That's way too vulnerable.

Really vulnerable.

And it's so full of shame.

It's so full of shame.

Shame about how much I have Shame.

About how much I have.

So much shame about what I don't have.

Much. Shame about what I don't have.

Yeah. And those debts.

And those debts and those.

So much shame.

So much shame.

Why am I feeling shame about this?

Why am I feeling shame about this?

Am I really such a bad person?

Am I really such a bad person?

Am I really such a bad person?

Am I really such a bad person?

Can I be a good person and still have my situation?

Can I be a good person and still have my situation? That's a good question.

Yeah.

Notice what your answer is. When we have deep shame, that answer is automatically no. Because when we feel like there's something wrong with us, it's not really about the outside stuff. It's not about how many bills or debts. Those are a symptom, a reflection of what we're feeling inside. And if you can go back to when you learned that, that's really powerful. When did you learn that you are a wrong person around money? That you don't deserve it, that money isn't for you. You have a lot of different things going on, but you can also be present right here and right now. We love clearing out the past, and we also like dealing with reality.

We do. And for me, for example, my family just didn't talk about money. And so let's look at shame as an energy. Shame as an energy is designed to suppress us by identifying ourselves as bad, sinful, evil, wrong, defective, unworthy. If we do something or we didn't do something or we have something or we don't have something. And boy, I'll tell you around this subject, this is such a useful process to go through for anyone, no matter where you are financially. Because if you can be accepting around where you are, you now free up. Shame is using 80% of your CPU power. Okay? And for most people that have this in a big way, where you really couldn't sit down and talk about your current situation, and I know that this isn't. Is no longer a big deal for me, because you know my whole situation and I know yours, and there's a freedom in having a safe person where you can really talk about where you are. If you imagine right now, let's say that you were to sit down. I'll tell you, there's no one I know in the whole world that you could have this conversation with in a safer way than with Kathy. It doesn't matter what. Where you are, where you. You could be dirt poor. You could have debts and bankruptcy and things stacking up. You could talk to her about it, and she's going to be kind, safe, and compassionate. So if you imagine that you're sitting down across from this person or someone else of your choice and have this conversation.

Yeah. Exactly where you are, imagine that you're bringing the situation with you, whether it's a stack of bills you haven't opened, a box full of mess that you don't know what's there, your computer with everything organized and tallied. Whatever you are, imagine that you're showing up and you're sitting down in front of this loving person. And let's just do some tapping here. So take a nice deep breath if you can. Some people get really spacey around this. Allow yourself to feel your feet, your butt in the chair. You are really safe right now. I encourage you to look around the room and see that there are no IRS agents. I'm assuming that you're not tapping while there's one in your house. But if your husband or your partner is one, you know, maybe you can tell them to leave or whatever. But just notice you're safe right now. You're in this room. There's nobody here that's going to threaten you, and we're not going to judge you because we've both been in pretty messy situations. I was at a point in grad school, my partner and I were not talking about money, and they tried to repossess my car, and I didn't have the money to pay for it. And it was such a horrible feeling. I was so ashamed, and I didn't want to tell anyone. The problem is if you don't tell anyone, you don't find solutions. And when I finally did talk to someone about it, they're like, oh, you can do, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And they won't, you know, just call them, talk to them, ask them for an extension and, like, it all worked out beautifully. But I do understand how terrifying it is when you have no money or you don't know how much money you have. So just be here right now in your body, karate chop. Even though this is really Scary.

Even though this is really scary.

I don't know if I can be present with my money.

I don't know that I can be present with my money.

My situation is so confusing.

My situation is so confusing.

I have these bills.

I have these bills.

And I'm not sure if I should pay them.

And I'm not sure if I should pay them.

I'm not sure I should have them.

I'm not sure I should have them.

I don't know if I'm doing the right thing.

I don't know if I'm doing the right thing.

And these debts.

And these debts.

And the money coming in.

And the money coming in.

I don't know what's right.

I don't know what's right.

I don't know what I deserve.

I don't know what I deserve.

I can never relax.

I can never relax.

But I'm being incredibly brave right now.

But I'm being incredibly brave, right?

I really appreciate that. I'm being I'm willing to look at this.

I really appreciate that. I'm willing to look at this.

And I'm making a change right now.

Oh, and I'm making a change right now.

Top of the head. I am looking at my fears.

I am looking at my fears.

Eyebrow. And that will make it easier to fix my situation.

And that's going to make it easier to fix my situation.

Side of the eye. I'm pretty scared I'm pretty scared under the eye. And I feel ashamed.

And I feel ashamed under the nose.

But I have compassionate support.

But I have compassionate support, Jen.

I have people that care about me.

I have people that care about me.

Collarbone. And I'm tapping with them right now.

And I'm tapping with them right now.

Under the arm. Maybe I don't have to be alone with this.

Maybe I don't have to be alone with this.

Top of the head. Maybe it's okay to heal this maybe.

It'S okay to heal this.

And to look at where I am right now.

And to look at where I am right now.

Deep breath. Now. Different people do this differently, but I've helped a number of people that were either going through bankruptcy or they were in really severe financial problems. And what I recommend, wherever you are, is decide what's useful for you, take a baby step forward, and if it's more supportive for you to have a loving friend sit there and help you sort through stuff or to go, there's credit counseling, places you can go to find a legitimate one, you can go to your better Business bureau or call a local support place. The women's shelters are really good places to recommend those as well. Or if it's doing it by yourself, whatever it is, decide what is the most nourishing for you at this time and maybe set a timer for 20 minutes and all you're going to do is sort things, just figure out what an easy baby step forward or just gather things if they're in different places. But if you, whatever your situation is, if you want to be a little more organized and a little more clear, take a baby step with the most support you can have and stop and tap every five to 10 minutes.

Right?

That will make a huge difference for you.

This shame around my situation.

This shame around my situation.

Yeah. This shame around this bill.

This shame around this bill.

Yeah. This shame around this stack of papers.

This shame around this stack of papers.

This shame about this bank account.

This shame about this bank account, Jen.

This shame about my savings in retirement.

This shame about this, my savings in.

My retirement and where they are right now.

And where they are right now.

Hold on. I'm releasing this shame.

I'm releasing this shame.

I'm letting go a bit of the shame right now.

Letting go of a bit of the shame right now.

And a little bit more of the shame right now.

And a little bit more of the shame right now.

What if I don't need all the.

Shame what if I don't need all.

The shame to have a healthy relationship with money?

To have a healthy relationship with money? Nice deep breath. Yeah.

So go back to this conversation. I'd like you to go again and tune into you're about to share something that just very transparent. It's very raw for you maybe. And I've had people that sharing the fact that they have $700,000 in the bank and they live like a pauper is just so shame filled. And I've had people who I lost $400,000 in one year when my business changed. I sold one business, but I didn't have enough work in order to keep all the people employed. But in our next recording, we're going to be talking about guilt and obligation. And I felt the shackle of obligation. And for a long time I was ashamed of being the kind of person that didn't see things clearly, that couldn't take action, that let things get out of hand. And for many of us, that can play into our history. And if it's still active as a shackle in your history, it'll keep you from moving forward. And let's Just do a little tapping on something that happened in the past. Okay. Does that sound good? Even though I'm ashamed I let things get out of control.

Even though I'm ashamed I let things get out of control.

I hate being that person.

I hate being that person.

I deeply and completely accept myself anyway.

I deeply and completely accept myself anyway.

Even though there's no way I'm gonna accept myself anyway.

Even though there's no way I'm gonna accept myself anyway.

Cause if I accept myself, I'll get out of control again.

If I accept myself, I'll get out of control again.

I'm pretty sure I need to stay ashamed.

I'm pretty sure I need to stay ashamed.

Because then I'll never do anything like that ever again.

Because then I'll never do anything like that ever again.

I'll never pursue my dreams again.

I'll never pursue my dreams again.

Eyebrow. Look at the way it came out last time.

Look at the way it came out last time.

And I started that business.

And I started that business.

Yeah. And it failed.

And it failed.

I'm so ashamed.

I'm so ashamed.

Chin. I'm so ashamed of myself.

I'm so ashamed of myself.

A part of me is really ashamed of myself.

A part of me is really ashamed of myself.

Under the arm. Hey. Part of me.

Hey. Part of me.

You tried.

You tried.

Eyebrow. We are learning.

We're learning.

Side of the eye. We can let go of the shame.

We can let go of the shame.

It does stop us.

It does stop us.

Kind of like a shackle.

Kind of like a shackle.

I'd rather have breaks.

I'd rather have breaks.

Carlebone. And awareness.

And awareness.

More like driving a car. More like driving a car Than being chained in a dungeon.

Than being chained in a dungeon.

That would be good.

That would be good.

No more shame. Dungeon.

No more shame. Dungeon.

Deep breath.

Now, as you notice the different shames that come up, see if you can pull the engine out of them or pull some of the oomph out of them by noticing how many of them were legitimate. If money was not abundant, there was only a little bit. And that you could only get it by being bad by doing things that were out of integrity for you. So if you can notice that. So a lot of it I have. Money can be a shame. People are like, I have money in my savings account. If you can. If there's plenty of it and you don't have to get it by illicit or bad means of integrity means. Why is that bad? It's like, if you live in the rainforest and it's raining all the time, is it bad to have a bucket of water?

Why do I need to be ashamed? Let's do some tapping on that.

Yeah. Karate chop. Deep breath.

Stomp your feet a little.

Yeah. Be in your body if you can. Even though I have been ashamed, Even.

Though I have been ashamed, and it.

Was based on what I thought was right.

And it was based upon what I.

Thought was I actually had a lot of integrity having that shame I actually.

Had a lot of integrity having that.

Shame based on what I understood.

Based on what I understood them.

But the really cool thing is, but.

The really cool thing is the rules can be different. The rules can definitely be different.

If I accept that there's abundance for.

Everyone, if I accept that there can be abundance for everyone.

Yeah. And that money doesn't have to be gotten by bad means.

And money definitely doesn't have to be gotten by bad means.

If I can get it with integrity.

If I can get it with integrity.

There'S nothing to be ashamed of.

There's nothing to be ashamed of.

Top of the head. I used to be ashamed.

I used to be ashamed.

Eyebrow. I'm still sometimes ashamed.

I am still sometimes ashamed.

Side of the eye. But I'm setting a strong intention But.

I'm setting a really strong intention under the eye.

I can get money with integrity.

I can get money with integrity.

Under the nose. I can add value to the universe.

I can add value to the universe.

In ways that create abundance for more people.

In ways that create abundance for more people.

Collarbone. And I don't have to feel ashamed.

And I don't have to feel ashamed.

Under the m. I can allow money to flow to me.

I can allow money to flow to me, through me.

Yeah. Top of the head. And I can rejoice.

I can even rejoice.

Take a nice deep breath.

Shake your hands out. Rub them together.

If you think about it, if Rick and I were so caught up in our shame about money and we didn't create this, we like to think that we're adding value to your lives. You're here watching this and releasing things and allowing your life to be better. So we're trying to spread value and abundance to everybody that we can possibly reach. And then when you do this course and you clear it, you're spreading it to people around you, it magnifies and multiplies, and then you get to go out and have a little more or more abundance on how what you're creating in the world and how you allow it into your life and the world gets more and more abundant the more we work on this stuff.

And again, our definition of abundance includes all the things that money can't buy. It includes connection and co creation and making a difference. And I love that definition. It includes things that money is an enabler for. Just like my computer is enabling this and it costs money to buy my computer and the lighting and all those things, those are things that money enabled. But the experience of being here with my partner and co creating this to know that it is an offering, an invitation for people to engage with our energy and I see all work that way. The person who is a software engineer is creating something that people are going to be engaging with. The person who's an artist is creating something that people are going to be invited to engage with. The person who makes my coffee in the morning is really very valuable, very valuable part of Caffeinated Rick. And I deeply appreciate that that whole structure includes money with it and the abundance means that I'm taking off the shame so that I can feel those energies if I'm in the dungeon. Pretty much things look grim and shame as an identity that we're something, you are something bad. You've created a situation that has just labeled you as worthy of shame. Being in that dungeon, you're just not going to feel warm and yummy.

Can we do some tapping? I'd like to tap on forgiving ourselves for not having more. Not knowing what to do with it. Because based on what we knew in the past that it was out of integrity. There wasn't very much. We really. It was.

It had to be hard.

Yeah. All those things.

We were selfish and tap, tap, tap.

It makes a lot of sense that we don't have it and we don't know what to do with it. We're afraid it will go away.

Yes.

So go for it. Okay. So nice Deep breath. Karate chop. Even though I don't have a lot.

Of it Even though I don't have.

A lot of it and I'm not really sure what to do with it.

And I'm not really sure what to do with it.

And I'm afraid I'll lose it.

And I'm afraid I'll lose it.

Maybe that's all based on the old paradigm.

Maybe that's all based on the old paradigm.

If money had to be gotten in mean and bad ways if money had.

To be gotten in mean and bad and hard and selfish ways.

No wonder I don't know how to do it.

No Wonder. I don't know how to do it. I don't want to do that.

I didn't study bull fighting either.

I didn't study bullfighting either.

But if money can be gotten in ways that add value.

If money can be gotten in ways that add value.

And I can allow it into my.

Life, and I can allow that into.

My life, I might be willing to.

Learn more about it, I'm definitely willing to learn more about it.

I might let it into my life.

I am going to let it into my life.

And I don't need to lose it.

And I don't need to lose it.

Top of the head. Based on what I knew, I did the best I could.

Based on what I knew I did the best I could.

Eyebrow. And I have a new way of looking at it now.

And I have a new way of looking at it now.

Side of the eye. A way that allows me to create.

Really powerfully a way that allows me to create really powerfully under the eye.

And if I'm aligned with this new.

Idea and if I'm aligned with this.

New idea under the nose, what can't I create?

What can't I create?

I can attract a lot of abundance.

I can attract a lot of abundance.

Color 1. I can allow all kinds of things.

I can allow all kinds of things under the arm.

I'm a very powerful person.

I am a very powerful person.

Top of the head. And I was determined to stay in.

Integrity before and I was determined to stay in integrity before.

Eyebrow. I still want integrity.

I still want integrity.

Side of the eye. But I can allow abundance and still.

Be in integrity I can allow abundance and still be in integrity under the eye.

And I'm even more powerful now and.

I'm even more powerful now under the nose.

Because I'm not in conflict with myself.

Because I'm not in conflict with myself.

Chin. I don't have to be ashamed.

I don't have to be ashamed.

Collarbone. I can rejoice in my power.

I can rejoice in my power.

Under the amen tract. All kinds of abundance.

Men attract all kinds of abundance.

Top of the head. I can't wait to see what I create.

I can't wait to see what I create.

Nice, deep breath.

Nice.

Just notice what's coming up and take this as kind of a detective novel where as you move through, as you get present with your finances, where they are, as you start looking at them right down the the thoughts, the topics, the feelings that come up and you can come back through this audio or this video or do some tapping on your own to clear this. As you clear this, the more you clear, you create a beautiful Runway for you to take off in your financial areas.

Nice job.