Am I Doing It Right?
Rick Wilkes and Kathy Vartulli walk through emotional tapping techniques for managing tension and self-doubt. They cover realistic expectations for healing, how to accept your emotions without judgment, and why self-encouragement matters more than doing it perfectly.
Rick, if I did this work really right, wouldn't I get my intensity down to a zero right away? And it would just stay there forever? I don't understand what I'm doing wrong.
Yeah, you must be doing it wrong because one of the first articles I ever wrote about tapping is keep tapping until it's a zero. And of all the things that kind of reflected my enthusiasm without really knowing how it was going to be, that was it. Because the truth of the matter is that when it comes to a lot of things that are going on in our emotional lives, zero isn't the target, is it?
No. This is Rick Wilkes from Thriving now and I'm Kathy Vartulli from thriving now and theintimacydojo.com and the thing is, our society does say that you take this pill or you do this thing and all of a sudden you're perfect. And if you just did it and marketing, we're surrounded by it. If you were just here, you would be perfect. You would be to zero.
And we look for magic bullets. We want fast, immediate, miraculous release.
We see that on TV sometimes.
Yeah, we see it on TV. And honestly, with tapping about 5% of the millions and millions of things that people tap on around the world every day, the feeling goes away. It's you move on, your energy moves on to something else. But when you look at something like grief or you look at a major transformation that's happening in your life, long term trauma or right, or you've got a postural thing that's changing in your neck as you got the person who was a pain in the neck out of your life, now all of a sudden your neck is hurting in new ways. We believe that emotional technologies like tapping just like a massage or a warm shower or talking to a friend or taking a nap, these are things that are good and healthy in the way that they exercise and tap into your emotional body. And what we would say now, what I would say now is that the exercise of tuning in and feeling for the trend can, and I do believe in the benefit of moving something from a nine to a seven. When it comes to physical pain or emotional pain, it's hard to focus on anything at a 9. But if my brain, my primitive brain and my body feel that shift from a nine to a seven, that's amazing.
It does. In the moment, it can feel like a miracle. But if we have beliefs that it should be gone or it should be down to a zero, then we can give up on something that's really working. Just like if we're going to the gym and we're feeling our body feeling really good and it's easier to get up the stairs. And we like, wow, this is working. But oh, you know what, I don't look like that woman in that magazine so I should just give up. A lot of people do that when we're actually doing something that's really miraculous. Eft saved my life. It just, it helped me clear things that I had not been able to clear in 20 years of trying. Everything else I could think of and the fact that we can take something that might be a 12 down to 11 or a 10 or even a 7 in a few minutes or an hour, that's huge and really is miraculous. The only thing I know that people do that sometimes can work with that is like popping some drugs, but that's short term or you know, they take alcohol, people turn to or other addictive behaviors because it temporarily numbs them.
Right? It's a technique for avoiding the feeling. And tapping is a technique for engaging with and unwinding the suffering, unwinding the trauma of it, unwinding the tension of it. And so even right now, if you tune into your body and feel for some place where there's a tension because hey, life creates tension. Whether you're doing something great like fooling around with a loved one or you're building a rock wall that you've always wanted, or you just finished an eight hour shift and you made enough money to feed your family, that's going to create some tension. Tune into your body, feel for where there's some tension and just tap gently. Hey, tension.
Hey tension.
Side of the eye. I send you love and acceptance.
I send you love and acceptance.
Thank you body, for all you've been doing for me.
Thank you body for all you've been doing for me.
Under the nose. I'd look pretty funny without a body.
I look really funny without a body.
Chin. I'm sending a attention to that part of me that's tense.
I'm sending attention to the part of me that's tense.
And I'm inviting it to relax.
And I'm inviting it to relax under the arm.
I'm willing for my body to unwind right now.
I'm willing for my body to unwind right now.
Just a little bit.
Just a little bit.
Just the right amount.
Just the right amount.
And take a deep breath and notice if the feeling changed. Like this area of tension in my neck. The feeling changed. It feels warmer. It feels a little softer. Is the pain completely gone? No. I'm sitting in a hard back chair and I'm doing something I love. And I'm focusing my energy on being present for you wherever you are and whenever you are. And being here with my co creator, that activity creates tensions. And yet having something at our fingertips that can quickly get the energy moving for a stress and strain in the body, in the mind, in the heart. So useful.
Could we do a quick round on reflectionism? Like it's not all gone.
Yeah. Please lead us.
Okay. Karate chop. Even though it's not all gone.
Even though it's not all gone.
And I worked really hard at this.
And I worked really hard at this.
And I thought if I did it.
Right and I thought if I did it perfectly, it would be gone. It would be gone.
But maybe my body doesn't work that way.
Maybe my body doesn't work that way.
And maybe it's pretty amazing how far I did come.
Maybe it is pretty amazing how far I did come.
Top of the head. I tend to discredit myself.
I tend to discredit myself.
Eyebrow. It wasn't enough.
It wasn't enough.
Side of the eye. It's never enough.
It's never enough.
Under the eye. I did do something, but I did do something under the nose. I took action.
I took action.
And I improved my life.
And I improved my life a little bit.
Kyler Von if I keep doing little things like this, if I keep doing little things like this, Andrea, who knows where I'll be tomorrow?
Who knows where I'll be tomorrow?
Top of the head. Imagine next year.
Imagine next year.
Deep breath. I think the biggest thing is not discouraging ourselves when we get, we get forward motion, but it's not enough. And I'm pointing three fingers pointing back at me because I'll be like, wow, I got that whole room done. I organized the whole room. Oh, yeah, but you didn't get the other closet done. And so the whole house isn't done. And we need to catch ourselves when we have those mind, those kind of little mind patterns. Like, wow, I worked really hard today. I actually got something done that I've been wanting to do for a long time. If we celebrate and encourage ourselves more, we're more likely to move forward with it.
Absolutely. And this kind of practice, you'll notice that by practicing on accepting the essence of tapping is I deeply and completely accept myself. When we practice acceptance, it allows us to celebrate more. It allows us to not take the things that would nourish us and then drop them on the floor. Before we get a chance to really savor them. And that emotional nourishment, changing the pattern of how emotions nourish you also gets reflected in your body. It gets reflected in your vitality and your sense of yourself. And we want that for all of us to be able to share in that mutual nourishment and celebration.
Yeah, we'd love to know what you think. Would you leave comments below on how do you encourage yourself and how do you stop yourself? Sharing out loud helps make it more conscious and other people see it and go, oh, I'm not the only one. So you're not only serving yourself, but you're serving others. We'd love to hear from you.
